Spit Out the Window

7.5.05
11:11 AM
As cold, clear Poland Spring water goes crashing down my throat I find the urge to recount the events of the past few days; more for myself than for anyone else, but since no one reads this except for people that were there…it really doesn’t matter.

I can’t really recall Thursday being too crazy, although, to be frank, I can’t really recall Thursday at all. I think I worked at the Hospital…no…no I didn’t. Hm. Anyway, Friday was Lisa’s Birthday party/ I showed up at about seven to find no one but Lisa and Alan on the couch. The place was bedazzled like the jeans of that dead actress from Full House. I became Jesus after that and ate some crackers. The cheese would come later. Around ninish, people started showing up. Some of them looked good…some of them looked damn good. Some chick brought a slice of pasta pizza. My horizons were broadened. By ten everyone was there that I was going to see including Alex, his wife, Rob, Pedro, some other chick, Alan, Lisa, Kaitlyn (already on her way to calling me up to tell me how much she did NOT miss me..), Phil (who was using his brain), Chris, Christina, Dorothy, Gia, Becca, and enough people to finish all the cheese and Doritos at the party, but not all the pretzels. At 10:15 I had to leave to take on my 11pm to 7am shift at the Hospital. I spent $34 on 16 cans of Red Bull and $2 on a big water.
The evening commenced.
After this…things splinter. I remember snatches here and there…specifically Christina’s snatch…zing.
There was a game of truth or dare played Saturday night with Gia, Chris, Phil, Josh, Becca, Kaitlyn and myself. Lines were blurred but not crossed. I won a major battle over Kaitlyn by freaking her mind. We all played until 5ish then went to bed. After that, we
You know, you were all there and through the amazingly short yet thick roots of our gossip tree, everyone has heard everything about the entire weekend, so I’ll just go over my thoughts, feelings, impressions etc.
It was crazy to see Gia for four days straight (most of that time spent wandering around my apartment in her underwear and Phil’s FBI t-shirt) when before that I would only see her on and off, sometimes going several months without returning her phone calls, but it’s really excellent to add a new member to our cadre. And her hickey (which won’t fade for a week or so) is shaped like a heart. Rock on. Speaking of “rock”, I had to write that across Gia’s chest. With my tongue. It took three people to hold her down. Considering my acting training, not too many boundaries were crossed. Maybe a few. I have a feeling that Chris would consider a few more of my boundaries crossed than she would have liked, but she did make out with my arch-nemesis and I feel like that plus the fact that I was the object of Phil’s beardy kisses about twenty four hours later pays me out some slack. I think what everyone has to realize about Truth Or Dare is that it isn’t about sex. It’s about seeing how far someone will go for the sake of fun. I don’t recall anyone getting pregnant or hurt during either game. True, tongues and lips were put where they, more often than not, wouldn’t be, but hey man, now we’re really living. Also, it sure as balls beats sitting around watching movies. I think Christina’s suggestion about moving it indoors is a good one, because the roof tends to preclude anything but licking, sucking etc whereas inside we have a whole kitchen full of things people would be dared to eat. And I must admit, the prospect of having to eat the remainder of Jade’s Vegemite sitting in my cabinet would make me (and everyone) think twice about screaming “Dare!” just to get licked, groped, probed, Sex Spiraled, whatever. Christina also thinks that the boundaries would be lowered even further by Chris’ presence and that by bring a list of dares thought up before hand we could avoid awkward pauses during which Josh is straddling me. Yeah.. I say we schedule another game soon. Aside from the games of truth or dare there was some innocent fun. On Sunday Josh, Kaitlyn, Gia, Phil and I played Spades and Poker (I was DJing during Spades, but that’s okay, I don’t know that game) and there was something so…old fashioned about that…it was awesome. A great counterpoint to the debauchery before and after. The picnic was a great success too. Min rocks. She has a magic about her that was actually picked up on by this little girl that we passed. She, I hope, will bring an innocent, ethereal fun to our group.
Over the weekend, Kaitlyn has shown quite a weakness. This habit of passing out and remembering nothing from the night before is fun to play with but, yes I suppose, a bit disconcerting. If you can’t remember the heat, stop drinking the cooking sherry.
Long story short, the whole thing was superfun and I wish every weekend would be flavored as such (minus the sleep deprivation, Christina terror-farting, biting Kaitlyn, being an asshole to Josh, kissing Phil and Red Bull). Yes. Definitely.

12:49 PM
Just heard an ad on the radio for the Phaser 2, a device that, according to the commercial, is illegal in seven states and makes you invisible to police radar for a two to three miles radius. Great. I wonder how much it would cost to fund a study tracking the sale of these and the number of fatalities due to speeding. Whatever, purge the gene pool. Natural Selection rules.

2:20 PM
At 12:54 I set down my electro stylus and picked up a BIC to write in my real journal (the one you can’t read, is much more exciting and contains the truth about how I feel about everyone and everything in my life). During my ramblings, I touched on something and then on something much bigger. And then (as strange as this sounds) without the help of a therapist or herbal teas or magic rocks…I had a breakthrough. I had a fucking breakthrough while bouncing thoughts around the inside of my head. I feel great. I have been using anything and everything I can get my hands and eyes on as a distraction for years (consciously, anyway, since I graduated college, but it happened there too, as far back as high school or maybe even earlier) but I was never able to find out what I was distracting myself from and why the fuck I had been doing this. I finally figured out that I have been distracting myself from making choices, from making decisions. Now why the hell would anyone want to do that? Consequences. That’s why. Fucking goddamned shit ass consequences. I cannot deal with consequences Can not. I figured this out during my journal entry. Granted, this just brings up new questions and I’ll need some help figuring out not only how to answer them but how to ask them, but this new area I’ve found inside me is VERY exciting and I look forward to checking it out. This is absolute proof that it pays to talk to yourself . Sometimes you actually can answer a question you had nothing for when you pose it to another aspect of your self. Jackfuckingpot.