9.27.2006

And in the end...

9.27.06
10:47 PM
You know how there’s that long standing joke about never being able to dry your hands thoroughly on those air blowing things in public bathrooms? Well, all those people just don’t throw themselves at the problem head on; they don’t give themselves over to the task fully. If you have a minute, maybe a minute and a half, you can get your hands bone fucking dry. If I, one of the MOST impatient people I have ever known, can take a moment (literally) to do this, all you can too.
Soon it will be cold again and I will say goodbye to sweat for another 7 months.
Also, my new laundry bag is working out great. I feel like the headmaster of a well-to-do private school in New Hampshire.

9.23.2006

This jam is real.

9.22.06
7:03 PM
I feel like something changed while I was on my break. I lay on my bed for about 30 minutes or so then my alarm brought me fully back from the strange place between wakefulness and full sleep. Outside, the sky is a thick gray/blue, full of clouds. I feel something approaching. Something with teeth.
Some of this might be attributed to a few cuts off the new Beck (leaked, d’oh). While he isn’t redefining music anymore (he stopped with “Sea Change” in my opinion), he is still doing interesting things with what has already been created in his musical universe (although not as interesting as he used to, but then again this is my first impression of my first half listen and it needs time to grow on me). “Guero” didn’t grab me like “Sea Change” or “Midnite Vultures”. Some tracks did, but not the whole thing. We’ll see how “The Information” fits into this pattern.
************************************
Also, don't ever watch "Dune". Ever.

9.19.2006

I can't decide whether you should live or die...

6:50 PM
Over my hour and a half break, I have consumed 6 Smirnoff Ice's. Let the fun begin...

7:02 PM
Everything is a bit sway-y. Coming down the stairs was fun. I brought a few CD’s with me. Any updates will be made as they appear necessary.
Xmax.

7:08
I have to do this more often.
I wouldn’t say drunk, I’d say…blurry.

7:10
Dialing numbers is 17% more difficult than usual.
The rolling office chair I use is 38% more entertaining than usual.

7:13
I have developed hiccups.
The age old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job challenging has yet to be answered, sadly, but the day old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job more fun has indeed been sufficiently answered: 6.

7:18
I have cured my hiccups. SHAMAN! HEALER OF THE PEOPLE! THAT IS I.
Okay. A crack in my façade. I just announced a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and couldn’t help but laugh a little. Whoops.

7:21
I just held a conversation and at no point did the other person suspect I was tipsy. By which I mean they didn’t say: “Hey…are you tipsy?”
Move confidently into their midst.
I am reminded of the first time I was ever really noticeably affected by alcohol. It was on Brut champagne at the cast party for “Charley’s Aunt” (a play I was in) in my Junior or Sophomore year. I knew I was affected by alcohol when it became fun to jump. I was just in the bathroom and, friends, it is fun to jump.

7:32
I am 20% more friendly on the phone than usual.

7:34
I should have brought more fun music. Right now Cake’s Pressure Chief is the hip-hopinest thing I have. DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.

10:05
Sober. Chris showed up and we had dinner. After she left I spent a quiet time reading Blender and refocusing on the world. Security now has cameras that allows home invasion. I fear.
I’m going to put on Sea Change and by the time it’s over I will be home.
This was fun and shall be done again.

9.18.2006

Paul is Japanese.

9.18.06
3:35 PM
Today I am doing my job 110%.
All phone calls will be answered within a second of their first ring, every patient will be responded to in the same amount of time and every call will be sent exactly where it is supposed to without question or error.
With respect to juxtaposition, tomorrow I will come in drunk and see how different my performance is.
Completely unrelated to this, I am trying to find a place on-line where I can custom (as in design your own from scratch), textured, double-sided business cards.
One side is black (less a textured paper and more a cloth) with white text and the other side (black on white) with my e-mail and phone number.
Does ANYONE have any idea where I can put this childishly simple design into practice? Please let me know.

4:44 PM
Christ, this is fucking boring! I pity every person I know who has a job like this. I might just get drunk on my break to speed the rest of this time by. Fuck. Thank God for books (both comic and non-comic), CD players, Su Doku and Microsoft Word.
And may Satan curse the weight of the seconds not filled with distraction in the form of food or entertainment.

9.15.2006

Starwood like you mean it.

9.15.06
3:39 PM
I have taken to grinning really hugely whenever I am furious. I feel it adds an element of I-will-tear-your-skin-off-and-eat-it-at-my-leisure to my usual tantrums. Not that I’ve had any today mind you, just something I’ve started doing.

Today I had my most artistic booking ever. After seeing some of David Lynch’s commercials from the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s, I have decided to compare it to them. It was for Starwood Hotels. And when people come to learn about their hotels (?), they will be treated to a video with meaningful images on the screen narrated (after a fashion) by me. The text consisted of about 130 words and phrases (mostly words) that interact somehow with the images, either contrasting them, juxtaposing them, expanding upon their meaning etc. It was very serious and the people involved really liked the quality of my voice. And these aren’t the slick voiceover people I have had dealings with in the past, these guys all looked like museum curators and we all know that neither museum curators nor people that resemble museum curators lie. Not to voice actors at least. I’ve known a museum curator or three that lies to the occasional anthropologist or archeologist. I should have a copy in about a month as they have yet to finish every aspect of it. They mentioned that my voice might be intercut with other talents (women) doing the same VO.

Meanwhile, the new Scissor Sisters has leaked and, although it doesn’t have as many instant favorites as their first album, I think it’s very solid and will grow on me like gay fungus from the 70’s. There is one track that will most likely find its way into the next MET for Sex.

Speaking of which, the next MET for Sex will probably take place after November first, so as to give Will a chance to see it done right. The first one was fucked up by Asians and queens respectively.
I might gather a peoples to see Jackass 2 this weekend and just let my mind float away.
I have started reading “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. So far it’s excellent.
What is NOT excellent is the fact that “My Humps” and L’il Jon exist in this world. I heard “My Humps” for the first time a few minutes ago on the phone with Will. The song itself is terrible and nauseating enough, but the fact that it reached number three on U.S. AND fucking U.K. charts makes me hate SO many people.
As for L’il Jon? Shit, fucking look at this retard. He’s like an aborted Rick James fetus. All he adds to the songs he works on is discomfort and yelling. It’s like listening to a song while a shrieking proctologist goes prospecting. The good news is, if he really is as stupid as he looks and sounds (and if he isn’t, give this motherfucker an award), then he should be dead and forgotten by 2008. It will probably go on the death certificate as heart failure or something, but we’ll all know he just forgot to breathe or something. Maybe he’ll drown in the shower. Or maybe he’ll just burst into flames in a rare occurrence of cosmic reparation.
It’s been a long week.
And now it is over.

9:35 PM
From “Good Omens”: (He was) gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

9.09.2006

The Birth of Debra

Go here to see the creation process that resulted in Beck's magnum opus, "Debra". If you look closely, you can see me in the background, sweating and crying.

Biochemical jism hits you with its rhythm

9.8.06
8:02 PM
The subject line is a lyric from the new Beck album. The song is called “1000 BPM” and sounds jangly in a way that only Beck can make jangly sound. Pianos skipping and stuttering while a White boy raps.
I don’t really have anything to talk about.

Ray got Binding Silence into the H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival in Oregon and I’m going with him and Lauren. According to Ray, I will be famous there; autographs and pictures and everything. Rowr. I think the experience will be good for my ego, I don’t have a very big one and this will provide some Ego Meat. The director of the festival called Ray personally and said he loved the film and that it was going to be included on a DVD anthology of H. P. Lovecraft-esque films. Volume five or six of the anthology, Ray thinks. I will be in people’s houses…eating their brains…from the inside.

Meanwhile, Christina might be turning down a chance to work as Joaquin Phoenix’s personal assistant.
Idiot.
I mean...
Idiot.

Aside from all that, there is some discussion of my ability to give weight and meaning to a nonsense string of words.
We will see.

9.07.2006

Socko!

9.7.06
3:43 PM
This morning and all throughout the day I have felt like scribbles. For the rest of the day I am going to try to be still and unfocused.
There are tentative plans for another “MET for Sex” party, it might be titled “Take Your MoMA”.
Details will be forthcoming.
********************************
I just finished watching "Ultraviolet". 85% bad CGI and 15% bad everything else. The movie features a collection of badly done Matrix cliche fight scenes and an unexplained (but that's okay because you don't want to have it explained) and uninspired plot all culminating in a flaming sword fight (the swords are actually on fire) that made me wish all my eye surgeries had failed. Don't wipe your ass with this one, it will make your ass smell worse.

9.06.2006

Bacardi xmax.

9.6.06
4:35 PM

While yesterday was not a good day, today was. Or is. Whatever.
The main reason is because I got an e-mail from Luigi Felotico, who worked on the Bacardi thing with me. He sent a link to a European website that catalogs commercials…Bacardi commercials.
The version up there is the tiny 30 second version, and, as far as I know at the moment, the only version. I called the production house and asked them about getting a copy and if there were any other releaseable versions. They said they had to check but that a copy (of the 30 sec. one) is on the way.
Now, I was pretty hush hush about this for some reason or other that I have forgotten, but I might have mentioned that there were three or four endings shot, two of which featured me heavily. They have chosen one of those two endings for this version.
Now, at this point, I know virtually nothing about the coverage of this spot, where or when or even if it will be shown. All I know is that it is apparently going to be huge and I cannot believe they would only have that 30 second version. Then again, I know almost nothing about it. As soon as I do, I will share it.
Here is the link. Click on the broadband version.