And I took notes.
R.I.P.D.!!!!
About two minutes into R.I.P,D. and I'm screaming "Kevin Bacon did it!!!!" into my screen, let's see if 32 years of not being surprised by movies starring Kevin Bacon have taught me anything...
Didn't know this was a fun, Men In Black romp kind of thing, I thought it was some overly dramatic crime shit like Cradle 2 Tha Grave or that other one starring DMX and Steven Seagal's ponytail.
See? Advertising doesn't work on me.
Ryan Reynolds should be America's ambassador of smarm and jackassery.
He should also be Deadpool.
Has someone already described this as "Beetlejuice" meets "Men In Back"?
Their "camo" intro was pretty amazing. Well done.
"Eternal Affairs" - Jesus.
As in: "Oh, Jesus, that's a bad pun", I'm not implying that Jesus is the head of Eternal Affairs...although I guess that would make sense, wouldn't it?
Jumping right to the Apocalypse? Wow, where do you go from there?
There must be hundreds of old, Chinese men ready to swoop in when James Hong finally dies...in 2036.
This was damn fun.
Looking forward to the sequel?
(checking IMDB)
Never mind.
(checking wiki)
Wow. Had no idea this movie was being considered for this year's Worst Picture AND Worst Actor.
I didn't really see a difference between how Reynolds acted in this and in, you know, everything else. Can someone tell me when / if Reynolds has ever been considered good in anything?
IN TIME!!!!!
They explained the entire premise in less than a minute, now we have two whole hours to check out this world.
Well done.
Going in, I've heard the world is awesome but the movie is shit.
Let's see what the horse's mouth has to say.
How could any world allow a fine piece of ass like Justin Timberlake to die that young?!
Also, the fact that he's playing 25 even though he's 32 means he's taking MUCH better care of himself than I am.
Great device to have a lot of hot young things run around and act weird.
The flipside of "eternal affairs" from R.I.P.D. are the new meanings to the old, overused adages and idioms about time, i.e. "don't waste my time, clean your clock", good stuff.
I like the look of this as well, nicely shot.
I feel like a lot of this started with puns...
Puns and weed.
PETE CAMPBELL IS IN THIS!!!!!
Pete is the PERFECT 85 year old 25 year old. Well fucking done, faceless Hollywood casting agent.
Even in the future. Even in an alternate timeline. JT makes them panties DRAWP.
The chick, Sylvia, looks a bit like an alien if you stare at her too long, like a word that stops making sense when you say it too much.
The hand fighting was a bit weird, especially because JT turned into James Bond for a moment, killing three guys in two seconds. I thought he wasn't a criminal.
Also, almost forgot to mention: Scarecrow, what?
Yeah, world and its rules were interesting but I actually didn't think the movie itself was that bad.
At least Scarecrow didn't reveal he was JT's dad.
And, again, PETE CAMPBELL!!
Thanks for being a spectator to my wispy, late night driftings.
11.18.2013
Terrence Howard: Eat A Dick
What changes?
What changes in a person that suddenly makes one million dollars not seem like a lot of money?
Remember when you and your friends would sit around and say stupid shit like, "How much money would it take for you to eat poop?"
And you'd say something like, "Not for less than a million dollars!"
Let's be honest; we all know someone who would eat poop for far less that a million dollars.
But, and this whole fuckrant is contingent on whether or not the information contained within these articles is accurate, Terrence Howard wouldn't eat poop for a million dollars.
Nope.
You know what else he wouldn't do for a millions dollars?
Be a part of a franchise that has grossed over a billion dollars.
I understand how, relatively, one million is less than four and a half million.
I do.
It's math.
Four and a half million is three and a half million more than one million.
See?
But a million dollars to be an actor in a film is still good.
It's real good, you guys.
Here's the venomous little heart of this thing for me: actors want to be treated like normal people (for the most part), because, technically, they are normal people, in the biological sense, anyway. They still eat and sleep and poop and fuck, just like all humans*, but there is something that happens to an actor's mind (most actors, not all actors) that changes the value of things...suddenly, getting paid anything for acting in a movie, is no longer the most incredible (and I mean that in the literal sense of the word) occurrence in the world.
Something changes and makes that actor think that, because they are sharing their ability to pretend in front of a camera with the rest of the world, that receiving less than a million dollars is, somehow, unfair or wrong. Not worth their time.
I'm now a full time actor, primarily voice, but I do on screen as well. I have booked jobs where the amount of money I've received for my time seemed ridiculous; thousands of dollars for, in some cases, less than an hour of work, that "work" consisting of talking into a microphone in a quiet, comfortable room in New York City. I've also done much more than that amount of "work" for far less, sometimes for free, even.
Because being a working actor is the best job in the world and because I am so, so insanely grateful that this is where I am right now.
And, when I look at things like Howard turning down the chance to be in a movie, let alone for a million fucking dollars, I get sick.
This isn't what this is supposed to be about.
And I'm not just pointing fingers at Terrence Howard. Robert Downey Jr. was paid fifty million to be in Avengers.
Fifty million.
That's fifty times more than what Terrence Howard turned down not to be in Iron Man 2.
And that makes me sick, too.
What does RDJ (or any eight-digit-paycheck-per-film actor) need fifty million dollars for?
Transportation?
Food?
Even without eating the best food in the world and taking the fastest and most private jets in the world, one can still live well without anywhere near that much money.
And he received that amount for one movie.
I don't really know where I'm going here. I suppose this is an indictment of the entire entertainment industry?
How does one determine the value of an actor's time and skill versus that of a fireman or a teacher?
How is it that one VO job pays $500, another pays $100 and a third pays $10,000?
I am not Terrence Howard. Yes, I really do understand that. I am not a movie star. I also understand that.
But I am a professional actor, and the idea of turning down the work that makes me a professional actor seems utterly senseless to me.
I am still utterly shocked and delighted every time I book a gig and they have an unlimited supply of water for me to drink.
And snacks!
I feel like I've won some sort of prize!
And you're going to pay me to talk into this microphone?!
I've been doing this for ten years now, and I am almost just as stoked about it as I was the very first time I booked a gig and received viable currency for doing something that I love and am good at.
What the fuck else do you need, Terrence? Robert?
What do you need aside from receiving money and adulation for doing something you love and are good at**?
Anyway.
Unfocused spatter of bile concluded.
One last, two part question for Terrence, if I may: if someone had walked up to you with a million dollars when you were growing up in Chicago all those years ago, and told you it was for pretending you were Iron Man's best friend, would you have turned it down then?
What's changed in forty years, you cock?
* And I apologize for excluding those among us without digestive systems, mouths or sexual orgams, I really do.
** Robert, not Terrence. Quite frankly, I'm overjoyed they bumped him off of the Iron Man movies.
What changes in a person that suddenly makes one million dollars not seem like a lot of money?
Remember when you and your friends would sit around and say stupid shit like, "How much money would it take for you to eat poop?"
And you'd say something like, "Not for less than a million dollars!"
Let's be honest; we all know someone who would eat poop for far less that a million dollars.
But, and this whole fuckrant is contingent on whether or not the information contained within these articles is accurate, Terrence Howard wouldn't eat poop for a million dollars.
Nope.
You know what else he wouldn't do for a millions dollars?
Be a part of a franchise that has grossed over a billion dollars.
I understand how, relatively, one million is less than four and a half million.
I do.
It's math.
Four and a half million is three and a half million more than one million.
See?
But a million dollars to be an actor in a film is still good.
It's real good, you guys.
Here's the venomous little heart of this thing for me: actors want to be treated like normal people (for the most part), because, technically, they are normal people, in the biological sense, anyway. They still eat and sleep and poop and fuck, just like all humans*, but there is something that happens to an actor's mind (most actors, not all actors) that changes the value of things...suddenly, getting paid anything for acting in a movie, is no longer the most incredible (and I mean that in the literal sense of the word) occurrence in the world.
Something changes and makes that actor think that, because they are sharing their ability to pretend in front of a camera with the rest of the world, that receiving less than a million dollars is, somehow, unfair or wrong. Not worth their time.
I'm now a full time actor, primarily voice, but I do on screen as well. I have booked jobs where the amount of money I've received for my time seemed ridiculous; thousands of dollars for, in some cases, less than an hour of work, that "work" consisting of talking into a microphone in a quiet, comfortable room in New York City. I've also done much more than that amount of "work" for far less, sometimes for free, even.
Because being a working actor is the best job in the world and because I am so, so insanely grateful that this is where I am right now.
And, when I look at things like Howard turning down the chance to be in a movie, let alone for a million fucking dollars, I get sick.
This isn't what this is supposed to be about.
And I'm not just pointing fingers at Terrence Howard. Robert Downey Jr. was paid fifty million to be in Avengers.
Fifty million.
That's fifty times more than what Terrence Howard turned down not to be in Iron Man 2.
And that makes me sick, too.
What does RDJ (or any eight-digit-paycheck-per-film actor) need fifty million dollars for?
Transportation?
Food?
Even without eating the best food in the world and taking the fastest and most private jets in the world, one can still live well without anywhere near that much money.
And he received that amount for one movie.
I don't really know where I'm going here. I suppose this is an indictment of the entire entertainment industry?
How does one determine the value of an actor's time and skill versus that of a fireman or a teacher?
How is it that one VO job pays $500, another pays $100 and a third pays $10,000?
I am not Terrence Howard. Yes, I really do understand that. I am not a movie star. I also understand that.
But I am a professional actor, and the idea of turning down the work that makes me a professional actor seems utterly senseless to me.
I am still utterly shocked and delighted every time I book a gig and they have an unlimited supply of water for me to drink.
And snacks!
I feel like I've won some sort of prize!
And you're going to pay me to talk into this microphone?!
I've been doing this for ten years now, and I am almost just as stoked about it as I was the very first time I booked a gig and received viable currency for doing something that I love and am good at.
What the fuck else do you need, Terrence? Robert?
What do you need aside from receiving money and adulation for doing something you love and are good at**?
Anyway.
Unfocused spatter of bile concluded.
One last, two part question for Terrence, if I may: if someone had walked up to you with a million dollars when you were growing up in Chicago all those years ago, and told you it was for pretending you were Iron Man's best friend, would you have turned it down then?
What's changed in forty years, you cock?
* And I apologize for excluding those among us without digestive systems, mouths or sexual orgams, I really do.
** Robert, not Terrence. Quite frankly, I'm overjoyed they bumped him off of the Iron Man movies.
11.01.2013
End of the Month Music Bitchfest - October 2013
Nine Inch Nails
Well, I finally experienced TENSION, and, while I still don't have any idea why it was titled as such, it was pretty amazing.
In a nutshell: while each song (for the most part) had its own incredible set of lights and programming, the whole show seemed to lack coherence, the back up singers worked except for when they didn't and I was 90% surprised and delighted at the set list.
For a full (read: fanboy) review of the two shows I attended, go to HERE.
They Might Be Giants
TMBG are having their last U.S. concert until 2015 on Saturday, November 2nd at Terminal 5, and I plan on being there (unless I'm still sick, as I am at the moment). They've promised the entire first album (something they haven't done since 1992) and I am greatly looking forward to hearing some stuff I've never heard before, as well as more stuff from Nanobots.
Still no word on the 2014 IFC...
Eels
Plans for a fall / winter tour have become plans for a new album, which is so much more exciting.
I love Wonderful, Glorious and think that the new approach of having no approach worked excellently; here's hoping for more in studio collaborative gold.
At the behest of Chris Kniker (Primitive Race founder and mastermind), I went ahead and checked out the latest Gary Numan, Splinter (Songs From A Broken Mind), and, while I haven't had too much time with it, I'm enjoying the majority of what I'm hearing. Maybe as much as Dead Sun Rising, although I'd need more time with it to be sure.
On the whole, Splinter sounds like it all takes place in the same rotted, filthy shell of a building; with crumbling walls of diseased synth and infected guitars. Some rooms are better than others though.
It opens strong with "I Am Dust", which features a huge, invocational chanting chorus, but things get ridiculous fast with the scary whisper talking of "Here In The Black". This song actually contains the lyrics "so it waits like...a demon assassin of God."
Oy.
Some other "Oy" moments include "Who Are You", which, although it only clocks in at 3:45, became annoying and skippable after about a minute and "Love Hurt Bleed"*, which sound like something Gravity Kills, Stabbing Westward and Marilyn Manson pooped on, a track that might pop up in a 90's, WB tween drama made-for-TV movie club scene to show that the cute, blonde protagonist is NOT in Kansas anymore!!!!
Ugh.
But, aside from those skid marks, most everything else on the album is good, and some of it is very good.
"The Calling" sounds like a Gary Numan Bond theme (very interesting), the title track feels vaguely reminiscent of something from Peter Murphy's "Dust", and the programming and textures on "A Shadow Falls On Me" are fantastic.
I also really enjoyed the softness and sincerity of "Lost" (which feels a bit like "For The Rest Of My Life" from Dead Sun) and "My Last Day"; when those walls of noise are finally broken down, you can really appreciate the depth and detail that Numan's been putting into his work for the past decade or so.
Splinter holds together very well and is a really solid work with great sonic atmosphere, but it still vacillates between sounding like more interesting Depeche Mode and less interesting Nine Inch Nails for me.
And, while I hate to keep saying this about Numan's more recent albums, I wonder what having Reznor's input would do for him and his music, and I'd love to see the two of them work on something, be it a Numan record, a NIN record or something that is just the two of them.
Bottom line: if you liked Jagged and loved Dead Sun Rising, you're going to dig this.
Along with Splinter, two new tracks from the upcoming Alessandro Cortini album, Forse 2, have been released and it sounds like more of the same.
Which works just fine for me.
Here are "Canta" and "Luna" (fourth track in) from Forse 2, coming in November.
And there you have it.
Might have something to say about that TMBG show next month and another bloated trip down my NIN memory lane...
Until then.
* Which may be the silliest, gothiest, angstiest song title FUCKING EVER.
Well, I finally experienced TENSION, and, while I still don't have any idea why it was titled as such, it was pretty amazing.
In a nutshell: while each song (for the most part) had its own incredible set of lights and programming, the whole show seemed to lack coherence, the back up singers worked except for when they didn't and I was 90% surprised and delighted at the set list.
For a full (read: fanboy) review of the two shows I attended, go to HERE.
They Might Be Giants
TMBG are having their last U.S. concert until 2015 on Saturday, November 2nd at Terminal 5, and I plan on being there (unless I'm still sick, as I am at the moment). They've promised the entire first album (something they haven't done since 1992) and I am greatly looking forward to hearing some stuff I've never heard before, as well as more stuff from Nanobots.
Still no word on the 2014 IFC...
Eels
Plans for a fall / winter tour have become plans for a new album, which is so much more exciting.
I love Wonderful, Glorious and think that the new approach of having no approach worked excellently; here's hoping for more in studio collaborative gold.
At the behest of Chris Kniker (Primitive Race founder and mastermind), I went ahead and checked out the latest Gary Numan, Splinter (Songs From A Broken Mind), and, while I haven't had too much time with it, I'm enjoying the majority of what I'm hearing. Maybe as much as Dead Sun Rising, although I'd need more time with it to be sure.
On the whole, Splinter sounds like it all takes place in the same rotted, filthy shell of a building; with crumbling walls of diseased synth and infected guitars. Some rooms are better than others though.
It opens strong with "I Am Dust", which features a huge, invocational chanting chorus, but things get ridiculous fast with the scary whisper talking of "Here In The Black". This song actually contains the lyrics "so it waits like...a demon assassin of God."
Oy.
Some other "Oy" moments include "Who Are You", which, although it only clocks in at 3:45, became annoying and skippable after about a minute and "Love Hurt Bleed"*, which sound like something Gravity Kills, Stabbing Westward and Marilyn Manson pooped on, a track that might pop up in a 90's, WB tween drama made-for-TV movie club scene to show that the cute, blonde protagonist is NOT in Kansas anymore!!!!
Ugh.
But, aside from those skid marks, most everything else on the album is good, and some of it is very good.
"The Calling" sounds like a Gary Numan Bond theme (very interesting), the title track feels vaguely reminiscent of something from Peter Murphy's "Dust", and the programming and textures on "A Shadow Falls On Me" are fantastic.
I also really enjoyed the softness and sincerity of "Lost" (which feels a bit like "For The Rest Of My Life" from Dead Sun) and "My Last Day"; when those walls of noise are finally broken down, you can really appreciate the depth and detail that Numan's been putting into his work for the past decade or so.
Splinter holds together very well and is a really solid work with great sonic atmosphere, but it still vacillates between sounding like more interesting Depeche Mode and less interesting Nine Inch Nails for me.
And, while I hate to keep saying this about Numan's more recent albums, I wonder what having Reznor's input would do for him and his music, and I'd love to see the two of them work on something, be it a Numan record, a NIN record or something that is just the two of them.
Bottom line: if you liked Jagged and loved Dead Sun Rising, you're going to dig this.
Along with Splinter, two new tracks from the upcoming Alessandro Cortini album, Forse 2, have been released and it sounds like more of the same.
Which works just fine for me.
Here are "Canta" and "Luna" (fourth track in) from Forse 2, coming in November.
And there you have it.
Might have something to say about that TMBG show next month and another bloated trip down my NIN memory lane...
Until then.
* Which may be the silliest, gothiest, angstiest song title FUCKING EVER.
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