12.18.2007

Plavix Rock Star or Plavix Xmax

12.18.07
3:57PM
Does your heart have clots?
Why not name them after your enemies...and then destroy them with the sexiest heart medicine ever...PLAVIX.
Why, you might ask as you are curious little weasels, is this the sexiest heart medicine ever?
Well, my mischievous little marmots, I will tell you.
Because I am the Voice featured in several of their advertisements.
And you know if I and my big, sexy voice are involved, it's sexy.
Bacardi...sexy.
Grey Goose...sexy.
Evergreen Financial...sexually arousing.
The Holocaust...very sexy.

What an excellent Christmas present.
I also had a delicious chocolate Muffin while I was waiting.
That's always good.
Plus, I learned some new industry lingo...
"Wild lines" are NOT lines of coke breaking the typical "straight line" format, but rather a line from a script read on its own, out of context and "academy style" means reading one section three times in a row in order to get different variations of said line, not giving an Academy Awards acceptance speech.
I learn something every day I'm not working at this cocksucking asshole factory.

I am Actor!
Hear me Muffin!
Also, ask your doctor if Plavix is right for you...which it is...because it's sexy.
::nibble::

P.S. "Cocksucking" came up as "crosskicking" on the spell check.
That's actually kind of more offensive in it's own way.

Lite Jazz Has Raped Vince Guaraldi

12.17.07
Sitting in a local pizza parlor (I think that is a LOVELY little epithet by the by) I had the utter misfortune to hear the Lite Jazz sodomizing of the excellent and perfect "Linus and Lucy" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio (aka the Charlie Brown theme).
Speed it up, add a drum machine beat and drain all the feeling, color and soul out of it and that's pretty much what it sounds like.
I'd go into more detail by thinking about it brings on fits of Jittering Diarrhea.
Speaking of Diarrhea.
The final version of the new Gablocki (or should we go with Zuyet?) production, "The Best Sandwich Ever" (featuring a brand new track from the Grammy award winning band, George Washington Diarrhea, check them totally out at www.myspace.com/georgewashingtondiarrhea) should be out soon.
I will keep you posted.

12.06.2007

Tell your friends...

12.6.07
10:33 pm
Just sitting here, minding my owns (my own business), trying to decide whether or not I'm going to call out of work tomorrow when my favorite know-nothing-know-it-all (the History Channel buff I ranted about that time in the Red Room) says this jewel that I must now share with you.

Context: Talking about the martial arts like he actually practices one and as if he is not a middle aged, overweight, balding Hispanic dingbat.

"The cheekbone is powerful.
The cheekbone protects the cheek."
Ooooooooh.
THAT'S what it does.
Seriously, as fucking opposed to what?
The knee?
Yeah, I think I just may call out tomorrow.
Last week I had a four day work week and going from a four to a full five can sometimes give me anal fissures of the soul.
But, fear not, if I DO decide to extend me weekend, I will not blither it away on biscuits and fritters, I am working on yet another project I started in 2005.
It's about Christo.
That motherfucking cocksucker.
That filthy, fucking dog.
Anyway,that'll be happening soon.
And then maybe Malaise Away.
The weather's right for it.
All I need now is some mopey fucks.
Would YOU like to be one of my mopey fucks?
Let me know.
We'll mope something out.
Meanwhile, this Sunday, Phil and Ray and I are going to squeeze our creative juices into a single container and drink deep.
Life on this planet should cease soon after.
Consider it broughten.