Marilyn Manson. Shockingly Unshocking.

So that short film that Shia LeBoeuf did for Marilyn Manson is on You Tube, probably for the next twelve minutes due to its ridiculously NSFW nature.
In a nutshell, it's a music video for a new Manson song (which is pretty awful) intercut with Manson reciting Shakespeare while horrible atrocities are performed.
It is hilariously overwrought.

Here are just some of the "shocking" things you'll find in this video:

• Two women having sex in a glass container in front of a child


• Nazis


• Manson shaving the heads of two old, naked and oiled women


• A transvestite in a teddy being groped by an amputee


• A prosthetic eye placed in a woman's vagina


• Manson shooting some guy in the head

Hilarious.
You can view is HERE, if you want but, again, it is VERY NSFW and the Internet itself will probably erase it before You Tube does.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - August

Taste the Lights, taste the Action, taste the Bitch.

Nine Inch Nails
Around the beginning of August, more than five months before its release, the official web site for David Fincher's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was updated with character bios and photos...and a seven minute piece of music composed by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross.
The song appears to be called "dotcom", although this might just be labeled as such because it is, in fact, on the web site.
Featuring a vibraphone, heavy, dark synths and, eventually, some lonely, wailing guitar sounds, it's simple, creepy and very evocative.
Of what we won't know until December 12th.
Probably girls with tattoos of dragons on their backs.
Not nearly as exciting as new Nine Inch Nails or How To Destroy Angels or, you know, something with lyrics, but it's caused quite a stir among fans.
September 21st marks the twelfth anniversary of Nine Inch Nails' double album opus, The Fragile, and, one could hold out hope of some news of the deluxe re-release promised a few years ago.
Or perhaps a discreet link to the whole fucking thing for free.
Or an announcement that he's changed his mind and scrapped the whole project.
Or something else entirely.
Or nothing.
I'm trying to rein in the expectations when it comes to Trent Reznor.
An interesting aside, Reznor just joined Wondros, a creative collective made up of Javier Aguilera and Jesse Dylan (stylish commercial artists), Antoine Fuqua (director of Training Day and also a stylish commercial artist), Mark Pellington (a lot of producing credits, some TV and music video direction, plus an alternate version of the Nine Inch Nails video for "We're In This Together"), Aaron Schneider (cinematographer and director of the recent Bill Murray movie "Get Low") and David O. Russell (director of The Fighter, Three Kings and I Heart Huckabees) .
Some speculate this has to do with the HBO mini-series Year Zero, based on Nine Inch Nails' 2007 album, and that Reznor might be writing or directing part of the series, but, like I said, the first thing you get when you hang expectations on Reznor is disappointed.
Or sometimes amazed.
But usually disappointed.

Beck
Hey everyone!
The new Beck-produced Stephen Malkmus album is out!
It doesn't sound ANYTHING AT ALL like Beck!
Buy it!
ALSO!!!
BIG NEWS!!!
Beck is going to be among those performing at the Serge Gainsbourg tribute at the Hollywood Bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though.
A few days ago, Beck posted two new Charlotte Gainsbourg tracks from her upcoming EP, "Terrible Angels".
The EP features these two (really, really good) tracks (both produced by Beck and sounding so Beck that the only thing missing is Beck actually singing the vocals) plus some other stuff.
It's coming out September 6th and precedes the double album "Stage Whisper" (coming out November 8th), the first disc consisting of live tracks from Gainsbourg's recent tour and the second disc consisting of unreleased tracks, most from the Beck-produced IRM sessions.
Which is good.
Not as good as a brand new Beck collab with her, but still pretty good.
And the fact that they announced the EP about a week before its release?
Also good.
In addition to this, I just read a huge interview that Pitchfork did with Beck about his last fifteen years.
Two things jumped out at me from this epic, career-spanning chat:
First, that Midnite Vulture was meant to have been a double album and that Beck sort of kind of feels like a re-issue with all the unreleased stuff might be appropriate some time soon.

"There must have been 25 songs that were left behind, and about two thirds of them are finished."

Holy fucking godshit.
Second, that, although the article states that his "robot-dancing days are behind him", Beck is still quite the dancer; avoiding the straightforward question of "what about releasing your new music" with the grace and ease of an epileptic, alcoholic eel wearing banana peel loafers on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
So, what I gather from this is that Beck is done releasing his own music.
Period.

Cake
First let me say this: I do not know why I did the following.
Cake pressed 5000 copies of their most recent album, Showroom of Compassion, on 6, double-sided, multi-colored "7 vinyl records.
And I bought one.
Again, I do NOT know why I did this.
Moving on...

Eels
E and his band of raving-mad guitarists have finished their epic worldwide tour.
During the course of this tour, they sang on stage with Ringo Starr (he's the drummer), locked guitars with Jimmy Page and played at Glastonbury for over 64,000 screaming fans.
All in all a good tour.
What's next?
Knowing E (as much as any fan can know E...), most likely some downtime and then the mention of a new album, probably to be released in Spring 2012.
Hopefully they'll release a recording of this most recent tour as it was pretty amazing, but, if they don't there are quite a few tapers out there with some pretty good copies.
I've decided that that pass I've been issuing to Eels for the past few months expires November 30th, 2011.
As in, if there is NO motion on the Eels front by then...I'll start the bitching, but, based on E's tireless song writing heart, I doubt that will happen.
Sleep tight, E, you have most certainly earned it.

They Might Be Giants
The Fall leg of the Join Us tour continues.
I had a hankering to listen to some professional quality live recordings so I bought some live shows from the 2007 tour supporting The Else.
Good stuff.
I didn't see them nearly enough on that tour.
At the moment, I'm expecting my exclusive Instant Fan Club vinyl EP of NEW NEVER BEFORE HEARD TMBG MUSIC some time before the end of September
As well as another vinyl, my prize t-shirt and another shirt with has a picture of a bird on it.
Good times...
Greatly looking forward to their January show.
They had better pull out all the stops for this one as I will be traveling across the country to see them.
Just a heads up.

Meanwhile, in the land of Not My Top Five Bands, we have had quite a bit of forward momentum.
Well, except for Marilyn Manson.
I think he forgot about his new album.
And his hands.
Or something.
Fucking junkie.
Oh, and P.S. Marilyn: paper white, tattoo-covered Goths with a beer belly and neck wattle are NOT Goths, they are sad.

That was what I was going to say about Manson, but, early Monday morning, a new picture of Manson wearing a funny hat with the words "Born Villain" written on it in "Goth" font popped up on his official site.
No info, just the silly-hat picture.
After some digging (read: one Google search), I found out that "Born Villain" is not the title of his new album, but a short film made by, of all people, Shia LeBeouf*, chronicling the making of his new, as-yet-untitled-but-still-totally-amazing-and-suicide-death-metal-wait-I-mean-punk-glam-rock album.
No news yet as to whether or not Manson has forgotten about the actual album.

Garbage posted that they have three weeks left in the studio before mastering and mixing and all that happens, so we might see the new Garbage album by the end of 2011 or beginning of 2012, if we're lucky and they are true of heart
They are continuously posting pictures and videos with snippets of what's going on.
Nothing anyone can really sink their teeth into, but at least it all sounds like good old Garbage.
Last week they had their first photo shoot in six years.
So...they still have faces and limbs and stuff.
And, just a day or so ago, they posted that they have mixed and mastered a song and that it will be out at the end of September or beginning of October.
And they think it sounds great.
Which I thought was a bit obvious.
I mean...who would write and record and mix and etc a song and then say, "Meh. You want new music from us or not? Shut the fuck up and eat the corn"?

Both Tori Amos and St. Vincent have put out videos from their new album; Tori for the last track on her new album, a song called "Carry".
The video is pretty forgettable and the music...
So, I didn't realize that the label Tori has joined up with for the release of "Night of Hunters"** is America's longest standing or most famous classical music label, Decca Records.
Based on "Carry" and the first track from the album, "Shattering Sea", which you were able to hear if you shared the "Carry" video on Facebook (sorry everyone), the gimmick of this album is Tori, singing and playing her Bösendorfer along with various orchestral arrangements***.
Which doesn't sound great.
Both of the songs have some compelling moments, but nothing to make me think that Tori is about to revolutionize music.
Which is sad.
"Shattering Sea" is a bit more layered than “Carry" and has some really great moments, but it still isn't amazing.
But, unlike some stuff of her last few albums, I don't hate these tracks, plus there are still twelve more to hear, so I'm holding out hope.
Along with the video and song, an EPK for Night of Hunters was released. It showed Tori basically reiterating the theme of the album (which sounds amazing) with some of the new music playing behind it (which sounds less amazing). There was some video of her, her daughter and her niece in costumes, LARPing and having their pictures taken for the album's liner notes and maybe some future music videos.
Sorry to keep repeating myself, but it really does look like this is going to be an excellent concept poorly executed.
Anyway, twelve unheard tracks, holding out hope, etc.

St. Vincent, on the 25th, released her video for the song "Cruel" (which appears to be the first single).
The video was directed by the guy behind both the "Marrow" and "Actor Out of Work" videos from her latest and, up to this point, greatest album, "Actor".
The video is dark and funny, but the song...not so much.
I must say I enjoyed "Surgeon", the first track Clarke released from her upcoming album "Strange Mercy" more than this new one.
"Cruel" seems to drag a bit.
But the important thing is that it exists and that both the new Tori and the new St. Vincent will be out by the end of next month (the 13th for St. Vincent and the 20th for Tori Amos).
I've decided not to buy tickets to St. Vincent at Webster Hall in November until I hear the new album.
My heart has been broken before...

Okay, no more complaining for a month.
Enjoy the silence, fuckers.

Cavalcade of Links
Hear the mysterious new track from Reznor and Ross here: www.dragontattoo.com
Hear the two, new Beck-produced Charlotte Gainsbourg tracks here: www.beck.com
Hear and see all the above mentioned Tori Amos stuff here: www.toriamos.com
Ditto the St. Vincent stuff here: www.ilovestvincent.com
See Manson's silly hat here: www.marilynmanson.com

* What?
** NOT Night of the Huntress as I was mislead to believe.
*** An octet, as it turns out.

SUCKA PUNCH!!!!!!!!!

8.30.11
10:25 pm

Had an excellent hurricane with Christina.
They need to shut the world down more often so I can spend some quality time with my One and Only.

Media Consumption Round Up!!!

After ignoring its existence for months, I finally opened up InFamous 2 and gave it a spin.
Not all that surprising, it's a lot like InFamous 1, but with...uh...more...InFamous 1.

Chris and have watched the second of the three Girl movies, The Girl Who Played With Fire.
Dark and Swedish.
Like the book but with less research.

Watched Sucker Punch because I heard it was massive HD eye candy.
Turns out it was.
I kept expecting someone to just turn towards the camera , throw up the Metal Horns and yell, "Sucka Punch!!!!!".
There was this great moment when Jon Hamm (?!) has this wonderful look of confusion on his face.
Of course it's because of something his character was confused about, but I thought, just for one tiny second that he was about to look right into the camera and say, not "Sucka Punch!!!!!!!" but "I'm in Mad Men, what the fuck am I doing here?!"
But he didn't.
My loss.
Back to my point:
I keep hearing people complain that there was no plot.
.Well...yeah, it's Zack Snyder.
I thought we all had an agreement that if Zack Snyder is to be allowed to direct things, someone has to write an amazing script.
Like Watchmen.
That was a good Zack Snyder movie because he didn't have to write anything.
Sucker Punch was...well, it was just too obviously teenage masturbatory material for me to get anything out of it.
Seriously, teens, the Internet has, literally, thousands of hours of free, high def porn just waiting for your sticky little fingers.
You can probably even find an Emily Browning look-a-like if you searched long enough.
I'm glad that, after such a waste of time like Sucker Punch, that she is doing a serious movie like Sleeping Beauty with a script and all that.
I hope this doesn't just turn out to be mindless titillation as well.

I've also reached the last episode of the first season of Breaking Bad which I jumped into because I've heard enough good stuff about it to tickle my pickle.
My Television Pickle.
I'm enjoying it, even though it drags occasionally.
It's pretty amazing to see Bryan Cranston play this role after watching Malcolm In The Middle for so many years.
This guy is hardcore.
I've watched the first...season or two of Weeds and I have to say that Breaking Bad wins.
Mainly because the stakes are so much higher; growing marijuana can't cause you to explode.
I know the fourth season just started and it'll be interesting to see how they keep this going.
I'm hoping they don't pull a Dexter where they almost totally reveal everything at the end of each season but never quite do, ostensibly resetting everything back to one for each new season.
We'll see...

Sadly, a Great Sickness has descended upon me, rendering my voice moot for the continued recording of The Grind Show.
Which blows.
I am so fucking close...
The book is three quarters recorded and half edited, not counting the tweaks ordered from the God King, Tucker, the Maker of the Word Who Must Be Lauded Above All.
I'm honestly astounded that I made it this far without getting sick.
Well...we'll see who is boss.
Soon...nothing will stop me...

I am going to go pee pee and go home.
And I'm taking my gondola with me.
SUCKA PUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shut The Fuck Up About The Earthquake

8.23.11

3:17 pm

Sweet merciful fucking Jesus with a hard on.

I've been here seventeen fucking minutes and everyone is talking about this fucking thing.

IT'S STOPPED.

THE EARTH HAS STOPPED MOVING.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

It lasted, what, 45 seconds?

I've had orgasms that last longer and you don't hear me screaming about it.

Usually.

I think I might have to move to California, if only to avoid anymore of this Chicken Little bullshit.

I feel as if acting awe-struck by a 5.9 in L.A. would get you slapped.

"My car was shaking! My car was shaking!"

"You have to stay inside or the ground will SWALLOW YOU UP!!!"

"I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!"

How are these people going to react in sixteen months when the fucking Ice Giants and Fire Beasts start getting down, Ragnarok style?

Badly, I'll wager..

Very badly.

In other news, chapter twenty eight is recorded.

Not as brutal as twenty seven, but still quiet annoying.

I have a funny feeling that the traffic in my neighborhood from 2 am to 4 am is somehow getting worse...

Why that is, I have no idea.

Do you have any enemies that are writers, Phil?

Enemies that have control over the traffic patterns of Long Island City from 2 am to 4am, maybe?

If so, can you please take care of this?

I mean, it's your book after all.

All right.

It's time to go to work.

10:40 pm

I've just started reading Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy.

I'm about a third of the way through the first book and, compared to Larsson's Girl trilogy, there are a lot less library scenes, a lot less rape and I can't recall wanting to see a sixteen year old girl kill people more than I want Katniss to do so.

SUCH a likable character...
Thus far, the book is feeling half The Running Man and half The Long Walk, so obviously, Collins is a King fan.

Which suits me just fine.

Oh, good, the next shift is here and they're talking about the earthquake...

Choose To Diffuse

8.22.11

8:41 pm

 I had a random thought earlier today.

What's up with the "gangsta lean"?

Are you pretending to be sleepy?

Or maybe that one of your legs is shorter than the other?

How is that "gangsta"?

"Hey, wow, your left leg is shorter than your right! That's gangsta!"

"I bet you have to buy custom-made shoes and pants! That's also gangsta!"

"You're walking like you're on a boat! That's pirate gangsta*!!!"

*sigh*

God I'm jealous.

Anyway, my Saturday was awesome. Unparalleled.

Chris and I went to Playland in Rye, New York and the only thing that made it less perfect was my own destructive body mathematics (Icee + Gravitron + backward-upside down flippy ride = gastrointestinal fucktown).
It was like Fermat's Last Theorem, but all the variables were replaced with me being a fucking idiot.

However, this place is awesome.

I used to go there with my summer camp when I was a wee tyke and haven't been since then until Saturday.

While they had changed and updated a few things (sorely missed were the Red Baron- which made you feel as if you could easily end your like and the life of others with but a flick of your wrist... the Spider- haven't found anything like it ever, the original, spooky Olde Mill- where a kid lost his hand. For real. It's in the newspaper, the acres of video games and whatever that thing was that spun you around in the strobe light-laden dark and blared Guns 'N' Roses music), the important ones were there, namely the Zombie Castle, the Flying Witch, the Derby Racers (where I actually almost died) and the motherfucking Dragon Coaster.

Also, Chris and I got Carousel Married!

And, probably the most amazing aspect of the day...the whole thing, including all the rides AND transportation to Rye via a train from Grand Central Station: $36.50 each.

Boom.

Duckman.

We plan to weave Playland into some aspect of our marriage celebration.

And most of you will be invited.

Saturday evening we watched Cedar Rapids which was less funny than I was lead to believe, but still a lot of fun and then I learned never to try and record ANYTHING with my wonderful and super professional home studio shit.

Ever.

EVER.

NO NO NO.

I'll spare you the knuckle-busting details, but, yeah, anus hell.

Sunday, the two of us drifted around the apartment like constipated ghosts.

Eventually, Christina decided to finally string our Warlock, only to find out it's awful and harder than it should be to do so.

We rocked out like kids for a few then decided to count the day as a wash.

Once that happened, we had a great time playing Wipeout HD (superfuturistic racing game with my excellent custom soundtrack of Aphex Twin, Nine Inch Nails club remixes and others of that ilk).

We then ate some bad ass burgers and watched the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo movie.

I'm actually pretty angry at the people that made this movie because they don't do the weeks-long scenes of quiet and mostly fruitless research justice.

Then again, why the fuck would I want to watch that?

Reading it was like eating chalk.

But...I don't know...I guess I want those that took the easy way out (oh, I'll just wait for the movie) to feel some of the pain that I did.

I'll hopefully watch the next two movies with Chris this weekend.

Sadly, the actress that played the lead character, Lisbeth Salander, looked a bit like Marilyn Manson.

Which was awful.

After watching that and tucking Chris in, some stupid part of me demanded that I watch Revenge Of The Nerds.

I acquiesced with almost no resistance.

Some realizations/questions based on/raised by this movie:

• Why didn't these "nerds" go to some Ivy League school?


• "Gay" and "nerd" are, apparently, synonymous.


• As are "Japanese" and "pothead"**.


• Alan looks like Booger.


• That one nerd, Louis, ostensibly raped the snooty cheerleader, Betty, but, because he was good at sex, she was totally fine with it.


• John Goodman was always fat.


• 80's boobs are great.


• Blunts were (at least in Hollywood-made college movies) called "wonderjoints".


• The super-myopic redhead violinist (Poindexter, of course) who screamed when he got an erection was fucking hilarious.


• Calling a vagina a "hair pie" is really gross.

And those are all the life lessons I can recall at the moment.

Meanwhile, twenty seven of forty one chapters of Philip W.F. Tucker's The Grind Show have been recorded.

Seventeen have been edited and I have just received notes on the first thirteen.

Edits should mostly be quick and painless.

As long as audible.com doesn't fuck us, this thing is going to get a Q4 2011 release date.

Perhaps Holiday?

Still going strong except for the recent nightmare.

Planning on jumping into chapter twenty eight this evening.

Looks like Moses made it out okay after all...or did he????

No, he didn't.

One problem, I guess, is that they just let him in.
I mean, I understand that demons are all swooping around outside, but, haven't these guys ever seen a horror movie?

Hellllllo!

Skinwalker!

It's just like when Alan and I were watching Neverwhere and this chick who is TOTALLY A VAMPIRE comes up and starts acting all stereotypically vampirey around this guy and we're both saying that this kid has obviously never seen a vampire movie, read a vampire book or ever heard of a vampire ever.

It's ridiculous.

It's just like the old standard of "Okay guys, here we are at the entrance to the labyrinthine, subterranean lair of the Horrid Void Beast. My cell has no reception and these flashlights are already flickering. You got matches? Me nether, let's fucking do this."

Crunch.

Stab.

Die.

Credits.

Not nearly as bad as all that though.

In fact, one of the reasons I enjoy Phil's writing so much is that he's aware of these tropes and, what's more, understands that his readers are aware of these tropes and therefore makes his characters aware of these tropes as well.

So you don't have some guy blindly stumbling into the aforementioned lair of the Horrid Void Beast with nothing but lint and stony resolve as weapons.

Which is good.

Some sad news now...

Not only is my commute home extended twenty to thirty minutes for another ten fucking days (fuck you in your fucking eye, MTA), but the most cankerous of natterbags, who was absent allll last week from work, is back like herpes.

Just like herpes.

Herpes that caws and giggles and crows and never shuts the fuck up ever.

Remember those stupid ass key chains things you got as a kid?

They had like four or five colored buttons on them and each one made a different noise, like a person talking or a sound effect?

This person is like a bigger, louder version of one of those.

Here's what she says, at least fifty times an hour:

O...M...G... (in the most serious and scandalized of tones, so that everyone in the room knows that something, something shocking has happened to make her say this)

Yukading (appears to be an elision of "you are kidding", spoken rapidly in the same tone and in clusters of no less than five)

OOOOOOOOOH-KAAAAAAAAY (meant to express both disbelief and disinterest, the first syllable is typically higher than the second, with the end of the second rapidly declining in pitch, but not always)

mm-hm (an expression of understanding, uttered in groups of three or five, no more or less, in a period of less than a second)

yuhloyng/stoployng (another elision, "you are lying" and "stop lying", delivered in a tone that seems to suggest that she doesn't actually want whoever is "loyng" to stop)

That, people, sums up, not just what this woman sounds like...but who she is.

This woman can be summed up by a talking keychain.

And she has offspring.

Kind of makes me want to get sterilized.

Or drown the earth in screaming blood.

Whichever.

Finished the Hodgman book this evening.

It remained hit or miss right through the end and I don't think I'll be actively pursuing the latter two books he's written.

Unless I can trade my They-Might-Be-Giants-video-contest-prize pizza for an inscribed copy of his new one.

You know, for funsies.

Also, "funsies" or "funzies"?

Hm.

This day has been interminable long.

I'm thinking that's equal parts because of this wretched soul boil sitting mere feet from me and increasing the noise pollution by decimals and the fact that I feel a bit sick.

I hope I can nip this sick in the bud as I'm fourteen recording sessions from being done with Grind Show.

I've somehow managed to not get sick since this recording started in May.

Fucking May.

That is not only sickening and ridiculous, it's unprofessional.

And, if you know me, if you know me at all...you will know that I am a consummate professional.

With racist tendencies.

Good night.

* Which is exponentially more
"gangsta" that regular "gangsta". Ex. Po. Nen. Tial. Ly.

** Synonymous with "nerd", not
each other.

 

Gherkin Jerkin'

8.18.11
8:27 pm

I'm going to be up front about this: this is nothing in this post about either masturbation or pickles.
I swear to God.
And you.
Nothing.

Last night I watched a movie that you may not have heard of.
It's called Burke and Hare and is a comic retelling of the story of 19th century Irish grave robbers, William Burke and William Hare.
It's also happens to be an Anglophile wet dream.
It stars Simon Pegg, Andy Cirkus, Bill Bailey, Tom Wilkinson, Jessica Hynes, Christopher Lee, Ronnie Corbett and motherfucking Tim Curry.
Plus a whole slew of BBC heroes that those more British than I will instantly recognize.
It was hilarious and well done and just ducky.
Cheeky, even.
I don't think it was ever released here in theaters, but hopefully it'll pop up on DVD and you can Netflix it.
Or download it illegally from a torrent site.
Which would be wrong.
Tasty wrong.

SPEAKING OF TASTY WRONG.
I just had, apparently, the best steak burger in the world.
It was a Texas Steak Burger", meaning it was smothered in smoked bacon, cheddar cheese and the establishment's "Uncommon BBQ Sauce".
Quick aside: I don't really like when the adjective describing a sauce I'm about to ingest is "uncommon".
Anyway.
It certainly was a burger.
The bacon was there, the cheese, not as much and the BBQ sauce was...well, zingy.
Not uncommon.
Zingy.
I don't run the restaurant though, so I suppose the descriptor "uncommon" will have to stay...for now.
There were also waffle fries that tasted like waffle fries and a slice of Key Lime pie (hardly worth $4.99 unless it is Tardis Key Lime pie*...which would be great), but I'm saving that until I no longer smell BBQ sauce on my fingers.

What I'm reading?
Why, thank you for asking!
I've jumped back into Hodgman's Areas of My Expertise which has gotten more enjoyable.
Finally.
Once I've used it up, I just might give in and read the latest Dresden book.

I've also been reading Philip Tucker's The Grind Show...into a microphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT WWHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTT??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I recorded the twenty-fifth chapter (of forty-one) and I'm going to focus on banging out one chapter a night until I am fucking DONE.
I am motivated by equal parts frustration at how long this project is taking and excitement to pass this onto the author and then the Unwashed (and Washed) Masses.
Chapter 25 was a good one, and, after a short respite in Chapter 26, the next few are Action Packed.
And I mean Demon Action.

Also watched the Adam West/Burt Ward Batman movie a few nights ago.
You know...I laughed almost the whole time.
I must have watched that movie ten times a month as a kid, but I never really got the fact that the whole thing is a huge joke.
It's hilarious.
I would actually love to see Grant Morrison do a remake of it.
As in, I'd like to see him remake the plot into something terrifying and mind bending, maybe keeping a bit of the ridiculous wink-wink humor, but mostly to see him make this silly slapfest into something dark.

Ugh.
My fingers still smell of BBQ sauce.
Which would be fine if I could suck it off, but IT'S JUST THE SMELL!
TEASE!!!!
UNIVERSAL MEAT TEASE!!!!!

Another reason I've got to finish recording Grind Show is that, starting in late September going into November, there is a whole sward of games coming out that I plan to consume, master and discard.
I've not had any games I've been itching to play at this time and I think that might also be helping bolster my motivation when it comes to recording.
Sometimes it's just easier to play video games, that's all.
Just like, for some people, it's easier to take the job with Virgin Galactic than NASA.
It's exactly the same thing.

And speaking of space, a recent thing I recorded mentions that crazy $30 million Google prize for the first private venture to land on the moon.
Call me ignant, but wouldn't it cost a fuckton more than $30 million to get ANYTHING to the moon...let alone a person?
In this script they also mentioned that there's more power in your iPhone than it the module that was sent to the moon in 69.
That's fucking nuts.
If that's true, why can't my fucking computer run faster?
I'm not sending it to the moon.
Fuckers.

All right.
I'm rambling.
Apologies.

I dug out the MC Honky album I Am The Messiah yesterday and reexperienced that.
There's a song or two on there that seems to be taking a shot at or emulating Beck's Midnite Vulture period.
Not bad, but nothing can be as greasy and glimmering as that.

Good.
Go.

* Bigger on the inside.

Crunchy Bits

8.16.11

8:53 pm

 

Very tired today.

Bear with me.

There is a bear with me.

 

WHY I am tired pertains to a thing that Digitas and I have going on...

I have booked three out of three recent auditions, plus a re-record for an earlier project in the past week.

Two of these bookings in one day, both of them (along with this morning's re-record) all paid for by Digitas.

I don't know who is running this company, but obviously they think they owe me some money.

Or they realize that I'm a hot, young talent.

Probably both.

Which I'm fine with.

The two bookings on one day were pretty damn disparate: the first was a growly, kill-the-kids-because-they-won't-survive-what-is-about-to-come-to-pass-and-death-would-just-be-more-merciful voice over for Harley-Davidson cookware.

Or vacuums.

I can't quite recall.

I think I may have mentioned that audition here a while ago...

Whatever the case, I got it and recorded it in the same booth with a bunch of characters from Grand Theft Auto IV were recorded.

Which I thought was cool until I talked to my engineer who informed me that Rockstar (the makers of said game) were total shitheads.

Bummer.

From that booking, I went across the street pretty much to record a lot of text, while maintaining a level of enthusiasm that, if used in every day affairs, would result in repeated tazings, in a crazy short amount of time.

Like five lines in seven seconds.

This was for Optimum Online.

Which also makes cookware and batteries or something along those lines.

Before that, I played a talking dog in the style of Christopher Guest from Best In Show.

The first two are straight up television commercials, but this is a fun one: in late August or early September, on Zyrtec's web site, you will be able to play a sort of choose-your-own-adventure game involving talking dogs.

I am the bloodhound in episode two, which I believe is called Parks Unleashed.

It was fun as hell and the folks in the studio were also fun as hell.

When I came in, they were recording some sort of rap about lobster rolls.

And I continue to love my job.

The same can be said of the Optimum session: Chris, Chris, Brian (who'd won an Emmy!!!), Laura (who's voice didn't register on autotune...but that's neither here nor there), Bill, T.J. and...Melissa, I believe.

Between the actual recording session and waiting for the client to call, we all hung out and got to know one another a bit.

Very cool people, all of them.

And, thanks to one of them, T.J., I had my first Chick-a-cavo sandwich from Lenny's.

That man knows a good sandwich when he sees one.

Chicken breast, avocado, roasted red peppers, melted provolone and toasty beard.

As mentioned above: I continue to love my job.

Then, early this morning (the equivalent of 4 o'clock in the morning for you Daylighters), I was called in for yet another Comcast/Xfinity spot.

Specifically to remind folks that Boardwalk Empire is starting up again on September 29th.

Or 25th.

I'm not paid to remember, I'm paid to spit buttered leather.

AND, I found one a few days ago, that the Flumist "Pick Your Nose" campaign I was involved in was nominated for a Webby, which has something to do with Huey, Dewey and Louie's relation, that little duck chick.

Still haven't found the actual thing I was involved in...it's an app that has a bunch of different people saying "I want to pick my nose".

Could someone with a smartphone check this thing out?

Then...don't tell anyone...but I recorded a scratch track for a super secret thing that Ray is working on for Batman...or some other super secret organization.

I can't remember, but I already told you, I'm not in the remembering business.

I'm in the spitting buttered leather business.

So, in other words, I've had a pretty good run, despite my sweatiness...or...perhaps...because of it?

 

And during NONE of these recording sessions have I been dissuaded from buying an iPad.

In fact, pretty much everyone at these sessions that has one says it is fun as hell.

Consensus has pretty much been that it is more of a toy than an actual life-tool, but, fuck you, I like toys.

 

Also:

Since I obtained a Twitter account, I have been using up a lot of text messages (I have a lot of very interesting and exciting things to say) and I was reflecting that, although sometimes I find it odd that I'm writing a tiny message on a tiny keyboard when I'm holding a telephone, literally, in my hand, there are just so many things that would be weird if you called someone and said it rather than texted it.

I mean god forbid you got into a conversation with someone.

That would suck apes.

Curse this information age.

Maybe Marilyn Manson had it right when he totally coined the phrase "DISinformation age"!!

No.

No, he doesn't have anything right.

Poor guy.

 

Over the past two days I have watched Supergirl for the first time since I was 7 and, just this afternoon, Apocalypse Now.

Okay.

This is going to totally sound off the wall...but they were basically the same movie.

Basically.

Although Supergirl was a total piece of badly produced and edited shit, Faye Dunaway looked like she was having a ton of fun and some of the practical effects were actually pretty cool.

And Supergirl is a cutie.

So is Martin Sheen.

According to his son, Charlie, who is also an actor, he watches that movie once a week.

Charlie, not Martin.

And Apocalypse Now, not Supergirl.

That might give some insight to his whole...thing.

I went into Apocalypse Now knowing only that it was supposed to be nuts.

One thing stood way out and that was the creepy chaos at the last U.S. post on the river, that scene at night with all the fireworks.

Man was that effective.

Killgore was fun too.

The whole surfing thing was wonderfully surreal.

Overall though, I think I saw this way after the fact and could have done with less close ups of sweaty people's eyes.

I then found out about all the crazy shit that went on behind the scenes and decided I'm done with this one.

I would like to maybe watch some West Wing this evening, just to freak myself out.

 

Just a few moments ago I finished the Millennium trilogy.

Satisfying read, if, at times, a bit...oh, I don't know...focused on the minutia of Swedish finance.

I do get the point the author was making though, about how reading about the inner workings of the Swedish financial system is as painful as actually being ass raped.

Apparently, Stieg Larsson did not like economics as the whole trilogy was written to support that fact.

But I appreciate his dedication to the joke.

You know I do.

 

That would have been a great segue.

 

Since picking up those two Submarines albums after the Eels show, I've formulated an opinion of them.

Want to hear it?

While the lead singer's voice can be crazy saccharine at times (she sounds a lot like the lead singer of The Cardigans from time to time...fair warning) and the subject matter just so adorable and twee that listening to it is like burying your head in a bowl full of rambunctious puppies, there's a sincerity there that not only makes them tolerable, but endearing.

As for the music itself, if there were just a little less effort put into the production, this band wouldn't be worth mentioning, but the additional noises, instrumentation and layers add enough to make things interesting and to warrant repeat listening.

The songs tend to be sunny, wonderful (as in full of wonder) and joyous.

I'm referring to the two later albums, "Love Notes/Letter Bombs" and "Honeysuckle Weeks" (fae title, no?), and not their first album, "Declare A New State" which is a bit too underdeveloped for my bitchy tastes.

Standouts from the latter albums include: 1940 (a bit sexy, if you can handle it), Tigers, Swimming Pool (sweeter than an actual swimming pool full of cotton candy and Care Bears) and You, Me and The Bourgeoisie (in which they manage to make an attack on consumerism cute...it's insane).

I probably wouldn't go out and buy their albums...as I just did...but track them down on MyBook or FaceSpace and give them a listen.

You could have just lost two legs and an arm in a combine accident and they will manage to make you smile.

Try it.

 

I've also been listening to Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, a weekly podcast on which Michael Ian Black and Tom Cavanaugh (from Yogi Bear and Ed) pick, eat and rate snacks.

They deliver exactly what they promise and their friendship is evident and hilarious.

 

I have nothing else for you.

And that is a relief.

PANIC

8.9.11

8:24 pm

 

I am writing this for my life.

For if I do not, I will fall asleep.

And then I will be fired.

Probably.

Actually, most likely not.

But I needed some sense of drama or else the whole thing would have fallen apart.

Like it just did.

 

So.

Today was a bag of bees.*

I woke a full half hour earlier than I should have, due to dreams of not making my appointments on time and thus ruining everything.

First off, I had a noon audition for Harley Davidson.

They were looking for someone to basically sound like the most bad ass motherfucker WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF ARTIFICE so that the real most bad ass motherfuckers in the world, namely, those who own and ride Harley-Davidson motorcycles, would know that the latest piece of bad ass motherfuckery on two wheels was available for purchase.

To be frank, it took a lot out of me.

 

After that, I shook my dainty little buns up to 86th and third where I took in Captain America: The First Avenger, which was...a movie.

At this point in the Avengers-related web of movies, I have to say I enjoy the Iron Man movies the best.

Not only is Tony Stark more human than the rest, he is just the perfect asshole, thanks to his brilliant portrayal by Robert Downey Jr.

A man who officially passed on the blockbusting sleeper hit Dead Prostitute Vagina Burger.

His loss.

 

Anyway.

I'm curious as to what the threat in the Avengers movie will be as they have quite a team set up to defeat it...

We'll see...

 

After the movie, I picked up a copy of Paul (the movie, not the me) then had a delightfully disappointing lunch at Subway (I would have gone with my earlier plan to get hot dogs and papaya juice, but it was pouring a dirty bitch out and I was already soaked to the bone without having to worry about keeping hot dogs dry.

 

Then to work where I created about nine new Peter Fireheads.

 

A note regarding my movie going experience: they have recently started showing a Fanta commercial before the show.

In a nutshell, it's a guy being chased around because he has a Fanta and then finishing the Fanta, to the crowd's disappointment, but only for a moment, before he opens another and the merry chase begins again.

 

Two things: first, an ad for Fanta? Really? That's a little like an ad for a Tyler Perry movie, isn't it?

In a word: unnecessary.

Just like Tyler Perry movies have a built in audience, Fanta does as well.

And, as it turns out, they are the same built in audience: people without taste, both artistically and literally.

Second, in the ad, there is, as I said, a crowd chasing this guy who is drinking a Fanta.

I think they want to kill him for drinking a Fanta, or maybe ask him why he's drinking a Fanta.

If that is the thrust of the ad, awesome, I'd gladly kill someone for drinking a Fanta, BUT, if they are implying that alllll these people want to be his friend only because he is drinking a Fanta...?

Well, then that's just awful.

Who would want a friend who is only there because of the soda you are drinking?!

I'll tell you who: people who watch Tyler Perry movies.

YOU SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER?

FULL CIRCLE MOTHERFUCKER!

 

Also, this morning at around two, I booking my trip to Los muthafuckin' Angeles.

The last Thursday in January to the last Monday in January.

I plan to hang hang out with Will, see the 30th Anniversary They Might Be Giants show and Jay & Silent Bob Get Old.

I also plan to eat at all the food places mentioned in both The Big Lebowski and Beck's Debra.

Other than that?

Maybe kidnap Steven Spielberg.

I'll let you know.

 

Now I shall feed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Busy.

TMBG: Join Us Vs. The Else

8.3.11

7:17 pm

First off, I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but it's been harping on me.

So, feel free to skip this if you don't want to see me debate myself out loud about whether or not They Might Be Giant's "Join Us" is a good album or better than "The Else" and why or why not.
Fair warning. 

The whole catalyst behind this foray into esoterica came from two bits in some recent interviews with the Johns of TMBG.

The first was Flans recounting that, while listening to their 2007 album, "The Else", during mastering, Linnell turned to him and said, "Well, this is the least-coziest record we've ever made". Flansburgh remarked to the interviewer, "I don't think it's our goal to make cozy albums, but there's a little bit of cozy in "Join Us", in a good way."

This got me to thinking...

The second bit was also Flans, who was asked which of their records he has a specific fondness for.
He goes on to say while recording their 2004 album, "The Spine", "there was a real overabundance of spiderwebby, Halloweeny kind of songs. Some were manic, and some were more pastoral -- but as a group, it seemed like a bit much to put them all on the album, so we left a lot off, and the overflow became the EP The Spine Surfs Alone. When I listen to it now, the EP is wonderfully, if unintentionally, cohesive and so damn paranoid -- it's a real song cycle."

That also got me to thinking...

The result of this thinking is as follows:

From first listen, "Join Us" has struck me as a bit beige, if you catch my meaning.

The songs aren't bad; several are good and a few are great, but, as a whole, there's no rock.
You'll never have to turn down the bass on this album, you know?
All the instruments are there, and, for the most part, they're played with skill, but there's a lack of feeling.
Everything is set to "4" rather than "8", especially when compared to "The Else".
The most obvious reason for this is because "The Else" was produced by the Dust Brothers, who have worked with bands 1,000 times more "rock" than They Might Be Giants will ever be, and they added a lot of touches that Pat Dillett (TMBG's producer and friend for almost thirty years) and the Johns wouldn't have thought to.
When I first heard "The Else", the difference was immediately noticeable: it was still a They Might Be Giants album, no question, but it sounded so fresh.
The bass wasn't just something dropped on the track, you could feel it driving the songs.
Miller's and Flansburgh's guitars were crunchy and fuzzy and other adjectives that should be applied to animals or food.
Beller was actually drumming as opposed to playing the role of human metronome.
Let me put it another way: "The Else" has a sense of space being filled by the whole band working together whereas "Join Us" sounds like everything, the vocals, drums, keys, are all, for the most part, dead center on the same track.
There's no dynamism on "Join Us".
Maybe this was a simple as moving the bass a little off center or putting a dollop of distortion on the guitars or hiding some hand claps in the mix, but it worked wonders. 

In one of the above mentioned interviews, Flansburgh complained that "The Else" has "kind of a relentless quality" and that, on "Join Us", they didn't want that. That struck me as odd for artists who are trying to sell a full length album in this world of randomized mp3 playlists and listeners who only want the most downloaded tracks from an album. I would think you'd want a relentless album, one that makes people want to keep listening, as opposed to stopping after two tracks to go do something else.

And, as for Linnell's remark about "The Else" being their least-cozy album, well, "cozy" isn't really why I listen to They Might Be Giants. I'm not saying that TMBG should take a page from Slipknot, but I will say that "The Spine Surfs Alone" is amazing and not one of those tracks is "cozy".
In fact, I kept thinking, as I listened to "The Spine" and then "The Spine Surfs Alone" that the former should have had more flavor from the latter.
I would listen to something bland and uninteresting from "The Spine" like 'The World Before Later On' and think how great something frantic and compelling from "The Spine Surfs Alone" like 'I'm All You Can Think About' would have worked better.
On one hand, I was just grateful, as a fan, to know that TMBG could still make the weird-ass shit that populated "Surfs", but, on the other hand, I wondered why "The Spine" didn't have more stuff like that on it, why it was all relegated to an EP you had to seek out; it almost seemed like the band was embarrassed by these intriguing oddities.
Flans also mentioned in an interview that, originally, the band recorded about 30 songs for "Join Us", the last 15 or so which actually became the album. He described the first half as "just the most mutant songs". If someone asked me to pick between the words "cozy" and "mutant" to represent what I'd like to see in a They Might Be Giants album, guess which one I'd pick.

The strange thing is, as much as John and John seem to not like the relentless nature of "The Else", they certainly enjoyed playing eleven of the thirteen tracks live for a period of several months on their nationwide tour.

At the moment, they're only playing eight of the eighteen tracks off their new one.
In the end, I think that, while Flansburgh and Linnell might not have liked the album the Dust Brothers helped them create, they knew it was good.
I also think that "cozy" can be replaced easily with "sleepy" or "dusty" and that "relentless" can be just as easily replaced with "intriguing" and "compelling". 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that They Might Be Giants should work with the Dust Brothers again.

Seriously though, TMBG have been working with the same person as their producer for decades and they've gotten very comfortable. Based on their last few albums, it doesn't seem like their really challenging themselves much anymore.

When Trent Reznor feels comfortable (musically speaking), he knows he's done something wrong, something boring. It's when he's most unsure about something that he follows that thread to its end, usually with some interesting and unexpected results.
It might not always be gold or even good, but at least it isn't something you've heard before.

The Lack Of Action In My Blood

8.2.11

4:24 pm

 

I feel...so hollow at this moment.

24 is over.

No closure, no big finish, no Jack Bauer vs. A Renegade Asteroid or Angry Tsunami or a clone of himself.

Yes, yes, there were some crazy moments, just like there are in every season of the show; Jack did get dressed up in some crazy, all black government killer outfit, causing an evil ex-President to actually scream the words, "It's Jack Bauer! He's coming to get me!" like a teenage girl in a slasher flick while pointing and weeping.

But.

You know.

I wanted more.

Something irrevocable.

There were rumors of a ninth season on some other network, but the price tag was too high.

Then rumors of a 24 movie which would sort of defeat the purpose unless it was 24 hours long and in real time.

Anyway, let's not focus on the past.

I need to lock down the future.

Where the hell am I going to get my ridiculous action fix?

I need my ridiculous action fix.

I need perpetual action with a huge number of cliffhangers and bad acting.

Fuck.

I can feel the sense of urgency the show instilled in me draining out of my body like piss.

*sigh*

 

In other news, I have officially recorded half of Philip Tucker's The Grind Show. 

The first eleven chapters have been edited and are ready to go.

Again, if I only had a quiet place to record this thing, it would have been over about two months ago, but, hey, welcome to New fucking York fucking City.

Fucker.

I'm finding that the more characters there are in a chapter, the longer the recording takes.

Especially when Jeremy (who totally has to be Irish because it's integral to the plot and who couldn't ever be Scottish NOOOOO!) is involved.

I need a studio and an engineer and a director and an editor.

Just remember that when you listen to the final product.

I was lacking these key elements one has when recording an audio book.

I'm happy with what's gone on thus far, I just wish it sounded more professional for those out there that are going to buy a copy.

Whoever you are.

I have to say, Phil, next time you want something recorded, try to have the release of the book AND the audio version coincide.

Not really sure how many people are going to buy this...

Do you have any friends who are readers but are also legally blind?

Beside me?

Oh! I have an idea! Arrange a book tour and then blind the people who come to buy your book with acid!

They'll have no choice but to get the audio version!

I mean, they were there to buy the damn book, right?

Money. Maker.

Someone should shake me...

 

I'm going to try my damnedest to pop out one chapter a night until I'm done, but "early" "morning" auditions the next day and the baking heat of my room (with door and windows closed to minimize the goddamn noise) make a liar out of me.

HEAR ME: I am still enjoying myself and it is an honor and a challenge to have undertaken this task, but it's just getting drawn out is all.

And we still don't know if anyone is going to even by a copy.

THAT is the rub.

It's like an audition, but instead of ten minutes and a paragraph of text you're tossing out there, it's hours and hours of talking and editing.

Yeesh.

But whatever, I dig the book, I'm in the book and the writer is not only a best friend, but also a great writer who has the ability to grab the reader by the brain's balls and make them dig his shit xmax.

So fuck you, read his book and then listen to his fucking book, read by me, you filthy god damn pigs.

 

Phil, the above statement...book jacket/audio book blurb?

...call me...

 

Planning on seeing Captain America tomorrow.

The movie, not the superhero.

If I can find a show around 86th street, I might follow this up with some hot dogs and papaya dust juice.

Goodness gracious is that stuff addictive.

I haven't had it in years, but, yeah...that stuff is addictive.

 

And finally, I just found out yesterday that TMBG is having their 30th anniversary show (the actual date of their first show, but thirty years later) on January 28th, 2012 in Los Angels.

As it happens, my birthday is three days before that and I am considering flying out to see the show, all the Kevin Smith podcast shit I can and hang with Will and Diana.

And possibly take in a real good meal in Glendale.

And go to JC Penny.

And eat at a Zankou Chicken.

But the show is seated and the people more obsessed than me have already bought up a lot of the good seats.

So, not sold yet.

I put an e-mail out to the Instant Fan Club folks to see what the deal is, but, yeah, not sold yet.

 

More updates as I see fit.

 

Water, Laughing & The Screaming Death Of My Sound Receptors: My Review Of TMBG and EELS

8.1.11

7:35 pm

 

Those three things made up my extended (Friday taken off because I was sick with Thepeopleiworkwithareidiotsandspendingtimearoundthemiskillingmyspermitis) weekend.

The first two were mostly experienced at the Williamsburg Waterfront, where Christina, Micole (and eventually Barrett), Sylvia (sort of), Gia (and her portly/porky friend, Alex...her words, not mine, I thought she was a lovely girl), Linza and Josh got wetter than an Atlantis made of vaginas at a Tom Jones concert*.

Eugene Mirman started things off by explaining that God is a 12-year old boy with Asperger's, then he introduced Jim Gaffigan (a complete surprise to me) who started to do his thing (talking very quietly about how overweight/pale/hungry he is) but was soon interrupted by the skies opening and trying their damnedest to obliterate each and every human being there. It got so bad that Gaffigan actually commented on it and tried to do some improv...about rain.

Didn't work too well though and he then tried to get back into his routine, but he'd been derailed by the rain.

It began to clear up (not that it mattered to the audience, we were, literally, soaking wet, all of us) as Mirman introduced Kristen Schaal, who doesn't take the way-too-overdone-and-obvious route for female comics ("I said 'cunt', isn't that funny because I'm cute?!") and who was genuinely touched that we were all still here, despite the shit weather.

Her set was great, but again, things got a bit distracting towards the end when the Poison Skies took their second, less-obliterating-but-still-pretty-obliterating dump on us. There must have been some time crunch because she cut herself off and launched into a her one-woman performance of Flashdance, complete with Eugene Mirman dumping buckets of water on her when she required it.

I'd love to see her again when I'm not drowning.

I find her adorable and hilarious and a wonderful stand-out in the world of comics.

The, Mirman came out and brought up Todd Barry...who I have never heard of before.

I can remember, literally, nothing of his set, except for him pointing out that this guy was trying his best to protect his iPad and that he was an idiot for bringing it with him to the show.

Funny or not, I was inclined to agree.

Then, Patton Oswalt.

At more than one point in his fifteen minute set, I was unable to breathe because I was laughing so hard.

This guy is my favorite comedian out there and, if you don't know his stuff, your life is missing something.

This isn't an opinion, a scientist told me.

And, speaking of scientists...when we were all seated before the show started, we were handed a strip of paper with fields for our name, age and "a science question".

We were puzzled.

After Patton got off the stage (actually, this guy was on before Patton Oswalt, but that segue is far too tasty to rewrite simply to be "accurate"), Mirman brought up Neil Tyson, the President of the Hayden Planetarium (or something).

Eugene proceeds to say that Tyson is there in honor of the 53rd anniversary of something Eisenhower did regarding the space program and then he starts answering the science questions that Mirman reads to him.

One question: "Is the earth trying to kill us ?", was answered in the affirmative, with examples and proofs.

After the science, laughing and rain stopped, Jonathan Coulton was brought up and did a tiny set (four songs).

He was actually kind of a dick about the fact that we were soaked and he wasn't. Anyway, after he made his dry ass way off the stage, They Might Be Giants hit it about ten minutes later.

A side note: everything ran with very little down time, it turns out it's because the huge stage is about 100 feet from a posh apartment building.

I can't tell if it's ironic that hipsters have to end all their parties here by ten or just funny.

Anyway, for those in the group that hadn't seen TMBG much/often/in a while, it was a great show, but for me, it felt a bit short and the Johns didn't have their usual back-and-forth going on. 

It was a truncated performance, but they did bring it (and, seriously, this was all free, so I have no right to bitch...but I will).

 

The set list:

Birdhouse in Your Soul (odd that they opened with this, but it certainly gets you into the mood)

Clap Your Hands (all the clapping/stomping/jumping probably saved us from getting arthritis caused by sitting around in wet clothes for two and a half hours)

Can't Keep Johnny Down (you know, I still don't love this song. It's a shame they have to play it at EVERY SHOW ON THIS TOUR)

Damn Good Times (why this song is still being performed live, I really have no idea. At least it's not "Drink!")

Don't Let's Start (this made up for "Damn Good Times", xmax. It's an amazing song, even better live)

Judy Is Your Viet Nam (a song from the new album that has totally grown on me, it's pretty rocking live...even when Flans messes up the lyrics...)

The Mesopotamians (I have a funny feeling we'll never hear anything from 'The Else' again. Too bad as it's a really solid album. This is still a great song though).

Never Knew Love (Same deal with "Can't Keep Johnny Down". Also, neither of the Johns can really make this sound like it should...less screamy. With so many great tracks on the new album, I'm not sure why this seems to be settling into their rotation...)

When Will You Die (Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. I heard them do this at sound check and was waiting for it the whole time. Just as awesome as I knew it would be, even without horns. I love this song)

Spoiler Alert (If they had just done this, it would have been a bit off, but they performed it as The Avatars of They- hand puppets on a Jumbotron- and it worked perfectly)

Ana Ng (Always wonderful to hear this one.It also seems to be a fixture on this tour so, Jade, whenever they get there, I think you'll be happy)

You Probably Get That a Lot (another favorite off the album and they nailed it. CEPHALOPHORES!!!!)

Cloisonné(Still needs some work, or, more likely, some horns, but Linnell did what he could his with bass clarinet)

Graveyard (aka Band Intros/Audience Thank Yous, during which Flansburgh thanked me and decided that I was 12 feet tall, a fact he repeated several times before the "song" ended. Score.)

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) (some weird guitar fart from Dan's acoustic cut his crazy intro a bit short, but they got the job done)

Encore:

Fingertips(before this happened, Flans reintroduced the band. When he got to Marty, the drummer, he informed us that Marty has come all the way from New York to hear us scream, then he wanted to hear all the ladies scream, and then Flans told us that Marty wanted "the eight foot guy to scream". I looked to make sure I wasn't standing near anyone who might be confused with me and then obliged. Nice. The song, as always, was excellent.)

 

Then, Chris and I went home to get dry and let my sister in, who had come up for Saturday's Eels show.

We were all half dead from drowning and half dead from rocking, so then we slept.

 

The next day was a leisurely one, Chris and I woke at about 2:30, had Brunch and then met back at our place with Kathy to head over to the Music Hall of Williamsburg, where Eels, a contortionist and a band called The Submarines would be playing at nine.

We got there only an hour before doors (to my horror) and ended up being the third, fourth and fifth people  into the place and about one inch from the stage.

I guess Eels fans aren't as obsessive as They Might Be Giants fans...

Then the contortionist brought Kathy up to make sure it was a real lollipop he was jamming into his nasal cavity before having her lick it while still in his nasal cavity.

Then he offered it to me.

I declined his kind offer.

The Submarines came on soon after and were actually pretty good. They consisted of a guy (non-descript, good at guitar and occasionally twiddling with a laptop for extra beats) and a girl (the sunniest sunbeam you ever have seen, she made Megan Boggia look like an evil asshole). They did six songs or so and we ended up buying two of their three albums after the show.

I don't think I've ever seen an opener at a venue this tiny with three fully produced and packaged albums.

I might tell you more about them, if their music warrants it.

Then Eels took the stage...and proceeded to explode my genitals with sound.

I saw them some time last year with my sister and they consisted of The Chet (multi-instrumentalist and guitar GOD who has been with E since the Blinking Lights tour), Peeboo (or maybe it's Pee Boo), Krazy Al (on bass) and E (on loud guitar, louder guitar and the guitar he uses for "Souljacker, Part 1" and no other song).

This was the same line up, but with two horn players (and Pee Boo occasionally picking up his trumpet).

The horns added a lot of nuance and allowed the band to stop murdering us with rock every once in a while.

It was amazing.

Aside from the addition of the horns, the fact that half the set list wasn't from their three latest (and not greatest) albums was also good.

There were hits, their were deep cuts plus a few surprises and even a Sly & The Family Stone cover or two.

 

The set list:

In Gratitude for This Magnificent Day (playing over the PA as the lights dimmed and they took the stage)

That's Not Really Funny (Surprise! 'Souljacker' is one of my favorite albums and this track is one of my favorite songs from it. It set the tone for the evening, that tone being LOUD AS FUCK)

Flyswatter (the horns took on the main melody and it worked wonderfully)

Somebody's Watching You (I don't know Sly & The Family Stone, but this is by them, and, if the audience is to be any judge, Eels does a great cover of it)

Grace Kelly Blues (good to hear, but not a favorite of mine)

Packing Blankets (sort of the same as GKB, but I like this one more)

Prizefighter(see above)

My Beloved Monster (E does a different arrangement of this song on every tour, this one, while fun and rocking, doesn't really stand out)

Fresh Feeling (from 'Souljacker', another favorite. The horns took the string section and it worked well. Beautiful song.)

I'm Going to Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart (a super-drawn-out-slow version. Kind of funny, but not that funny) 

Tremendous Dynamite (throbbing garage rock sex!!!)

Love of the Loveless (another surprise. From 'Shootenanny!', kind of their forgotten album in my mind)

Saturday Morning (a super-fast-speed-rock version, most likely to make up for "I'm Going To Stop etc.". So loud at times I sort of couldn't hear the words...or the individual notes...rawk)

This Is Where It Gets Good (one of the only tracks from their most recent album, 'Tomorrow Morning', and one of the few I really dig. Some killer bass and...killer flute...if that's a thing.)

Climbing to the Moon (yet another surprise. This is one of the most heartbreaking songs off of 'Electro-Shock Blues' and it was astounding how they jumped from a solid wall of noise to this quiet little gem. Tearjerkingly sweet.)

Hot Fun in the Summertime (two Sly & The Family Stone covers in one Eels show? Who are these guys?)

Talkin' 'Bout Knuckles (a song written, sung and played by the drummer, Knuckles. I need to get the lyrics some time...it sounds fun...but I'd still give anything to have seen Butch) 

Novocaine for the Soul (yes, WITH the album instrumentation and arrangement. Not a weird salsa version, not a backwards waltz, the most "album version" version of this song I've ever heard live, which was amazing and incredible, even more so because E seems to have a real love/hate relationship with this one and doesn't always enjoy playing it)

Souljacker, Part I (complete with that really long and awkward moment where E just sort of stands with his arms at his side for a full two minutes while his guitar makes an awful noise; this is the closest thing to Art Rock I will tolerate)

I Like Birds (EVEN LOUDER than "Saturday Morning". This is the sweetest, most delightful song from 'Daises of the Galaxy' and these guys rocked the living shit out of it. Well done, gentlemen, I say well done.)

Beginner's Luck (a surprise, simply because it seemed like a track that E would have just forgotten. But here it was.)

Losing Streak (the second of only two tracks from Eels' epic 'Blinking Lights and Other Revelations' album. Not the one I would have picked to play live, but it seemed to go great with "Beginner's Luck" and there was a wonderful, triumphant moment where E raised his guitar over his head and yelled "Did you hear me? I said my losing streak is done!")

Encore:

It's a Motherfucker (a nice, gentle, touching song. The horns took on the role of the strings and, as before, did a great job)

P.S. You Rock My World (one final, amazing surprise. This is the closer from 'Electro-Shock Blues' and the most uplifting track from the album. And it's awesome live)

Encore 2:

Fresh Blood ("KILL THEM ALL" is kind of the vibe I got from this performance. This song is so dark and sensual. Oh, also loud as fuck, this song was dark, sensual and loud as fuck. I'm hoping this song popping up on the True Blood soundtrack with get Eels some more air time)

Looking Up(E removes his mic from the stand for this gospel show closer, singing and screaming joyously in case people don't believe his upbeat lyrics. I couldn't tell if my ears were ringing with hope or hearing loss...but I'm leaning towards the latter)

 

So, every time I've seen Eels, they've totally switched their plates.

The first time, on their "Tour of Duty" in support of the 'Shootenanny!' record, it was two guitars and a bassist along with a drummer, all wearing cowboy hats and playing some simple, dirty rock.

The next time was with Phil at Town Hall for their "Eels With Strings" performance which featured E, two multi-instrumentalists (playing the organ, the piano, a suitcase, a garbage can, an upright bass, lap steel and more) plus a string quartet.

Next, just E and Chet with a piano, a drum set and some guitars.

Then the show last year with this current line up, minus the horns.

In essence, this show was last year's plus some of the arrangements from Eels' Daises of the Galaxy tour, which featured a mini-orchestra.

Although this isn't, technically, a totally different show, I missed that one and have always regretted it.

I can't say this is the best Eels show I've ever seen (the With Strings show takes that particular taco), but this goes up there.

Barring some horrible disfigurement, I'll never miss these guys in concert again.

 

After the show, we three headed back home and watched The Chronicles of Riddick from some stupid reason.

Mindless, sci-fi pap...with Judi Dench.

We were all pretty confused.

The rest of the weekend was sleeping and playing Mortal Kombat (with the three new downloadable characters, a psycho-chick made of blood whose fatalities are genuinely disturbing...and not even in a funny way, some blind dude with a magic sword and a purple ninja named Rain...yeah, like Purple Rain).

I realized last night that I haven't had a full five day work week in over a month, and I surmise that this week (this full, five day week) is going to suck dragon balls.

 

Speaking of dragon balls, I'm now going to finish the second book in the Song of Fire and Ice series.

Dragon balls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Fucking quote me.