Sinister

Sinister.
Sinister.
Sinister.

Quick lead up: a few days ago, I was trying to remember a movie that involved demonic possession and which had a truly frightening trailer. I did a search for recent movies involving demonic possession on Doogle* and, although I found what I was looking for**, my eye was drawn to another title.
Sinister.
I saw that it starred Ethan Hawke (no problems with him) and had been rather well received , plus, any movie title based on Latin makes me sweat, so I decided to check it out.

They had me at the opening shot.

I'm not going to spoil it, in case you haven't seen it, but I am going to share with you how great I thought it was.

First things first: the music and sound design.
The overall score, by Christopher Young, is very, very solid, not your typical strings and boring bullshit that you see in every other horror movie out there, but, where things really worked were during the home movies.
So, minor spoiler, the main character finds a box of 8mm films and, of course, since this is a horror movie and no one ever has any clue as to how bad an idea it is to watch a random box of fucking 8mm films, he watches them. While the films themselves don't have any sound, the director chose to score each one with a different piece of music.
I. Have never. Ever. Been more unsettled by anything. EVER.
The films, in complete silence, would have been disturbing, but, paired with these soundscapes?
I wanted the films to end so the music would stop and I wanted the music to stop so the films would end.

Then, there were the actors and their acting.
We've all seen horror movies where, clearly, something is wrong and yet the only people unable to sense this are the people in the movie; hence those ridiculous assholes who actually feel a need to yell at the screen.
Not the case with Sinister.
They all know something is wrong, but are held there for completely believable (to some extent) reasons.
As for the actors, Ethan Hawke does an excellent job of falling apart on screen while Juliet Rylance does an excellent job trying to hold him together. The kids playing their children also do a great job at not being child actors, although the decision to cast a boy with the most womanly hair I've seen in a while puzzled me.
There's even a quirky cop who plays it just quirky enough to neither stand out nor be forgotten.

Although I didn't love the ending, this has been the only horror movie to really get under my skin since In The Mouth Of Madness back in the 90's.
People, I was scared to be alone in my darkened apartment.

And, now that I have completely built it up, feel free to check it out and be disappointed.
Although...you know...even if you find everything else cheesy as hell...I challenge you not to be utterly undone by the sights and sounds of those god damn 8mm films.

I plan on having some people over soon to watch this.
With the lights out.
And with the 5.1 cranked.
BYO adult diapers.

Oh, yeah, and, before I took in this screaming bit of psychosis, I watched the director's cut of Daredevil, a.) because I haven't seen it in a while and I do enjoy me a superhero movie and, b.) because Jim fucking Potenza said that the director's cut made the movie better.
Silly, gullible hatchling that I am...I thought he was telling the truth and that an extra fifteen or twenty minutes of "darker" footage could make this movie less of a piece of shit.
I was wrong.
And Jim was wrong.
And Jim. Was wrong.
Best part of the movie was the (almost 100% improved) banter between Affleck and Favreau.
Worst part...hm.
Toss up between the bleeding edge Nu-Metal gub and the trite ass action movie dick-swinging.
I'd love to see a woman direct a dick-swinging action movie; a woman who gets it and is a fan of the genre but who also rolls her eyes at the shitty big dong schlock with which Daredevil was dripping.
Oh, and it was pretty clear that they wanted Brad Pitt for Bullseye but couldn't get him.

And that was last night.

Very soon, I plan to watch the last episode of Batman: The Brave and The Bold and then move onto either Young Justice (first few minutes look pretty cool) or the first season of Arrow, of which I am far more pensive since I'm not up on my Green Arrow mythos and because live action superhero stuff is always a lot harder to nail...especially on TV.

BUT!
We will take this adventure together!
And together we- oh, you've left.
Okay.
Hm.

Well.





* Demonic Google

** The Devil Inside, which, apparently, is a piece of shit.

A review of Joe Meek's "I Hear A New World"

Hoo boy.
I saved the fucking out-of-this-solar-system weirdest for last.

So, a while back, They Might Be Giants had a service called the TMBG Clock Radio, which would stream music (mainly by TMBG but, occasionally, by someone that TMBG dug) and, one such song was "I Hear A New World" by Joe Meek and the Blue Men. It was trippy and reverby and spacey and overly 60's sounding; sci-fi surf rock. Jump forward about a decade to Rough Trade East, where Christina decides to grab some weird albums that she's never heard of, one of which...is this album. Jump forward a month or two to when I finally get around to listening to it.
And, finally, jump forward a few weeks to right this very instant, as I sit, typing this review.
Good.
Let's go!

Rather than break down each song and go on, at length, listing what I did or didn't like about it, I'm going to approach this differently, as the album itself is different from most anything I have ever heard.*
What follows is Joe Meek's musical formula, utilized on each of the twelve tracks that constitute this album.
I discovered this formula after about...oh...two songs.

First, between 20 and 45 seconds of blippy, swooshing space noise.**
Next, (if the song features vocals) chipmunk the hell out of said vocals, throw in some Monty Python sound effects and then soak everything in reverb.
Then, add more reverb.
Finally, give the track a 50's pulp sc-fi title following a strict "(blank) Of The (blank)" format such as "Valley of The Saroos", "March of the Dribcots", "Disc Dance of the Globbots" or "Love Dance Of The Saroos".
Or, you know, something along those lines.***

Congratulations! You have made a Joe Meek album!

WAIT! STOP! Before you chuckle bitterly at my scathing wit, I want to make one thing very clear: I enjoyed the hell out of this album. It was a total gas. Was I annoyed at times? Sure, but not nearly as much as I was pickled tink.

Some notes on specific songs:
Track 2 ("Globb Waterfall"): Is the bridge from "Apache".
Track 9 ("Love Dance Of The Saroos"): Ooooo! Moody!
Track 11 ("Disc Dance of the Globbots"): Is one note off from "Polly Wolly Doodle".

And there you have it.
I cannot stress enough how much I think everyone should experience this album.
A lot.****





* "Different", not "better", not "worse", "different".

** On this album, there is one (1) track longer than three minutes and fourteen seconds...and it is three minutes and fifteen seconds.

*** If you'd like, feel free to add more reverb at this time.

**** But first, find the "Reverb" knob on your set up and crank it to 11.

A review of Deptford Goth's "Life After Defo"

I don't know anything about Deptford Goth and I'm going to keep it that way.
This was yet another find that I picked up at The Drift Record Store in Totnes, simply based on the first track.
I don't think I've been this happy with a serendipitous purchase since I accidentally found Walkmen while looking for something by Eels.

The album starts off great and each track actually seems to get better until about halfway through ("Guts No Glory" and "Objects Objects" being some of the best on the album), at which point the quality drops from excellent amazingness to slightly less excellent and amazing. The first half is just...wow. Everything you need.
Each track is swaddled in soft, warm cotton and has an intrinsic beauty to it.
The singer sounds a bit like Chris Martin, Dave Matthews and the lead singer from Primitive Radio Gods but less whiny.
While more subtle than what I'm used to, I find the simplicity allows me to listen to and focus on how well the elements work in concert.

The first track, "Life After Defo", comes in like a long, slow, calming breath. "Bronze Age" has a strange little noise in the background that makes the song feel handmade and tribal and small and ancient, right before it blossoms like some Asian flower. The harp-like synth sounds like pink pebbles being dropped into a puddle and everything has a slow, sensual feel, like making love.
Things get a bit darker with "Feel Real", which has a more distinctly 80's feel to it.
The simple guitar and bass does so much on "Guts No Glory", a tragic, tear soaked song about dealing with loss. Like a sunrise viewed through fog; fresh and clean and reborn. "Lions" is another high point, pleading with the listener to "say you remember this", sounding a bit like Thom Yorke, but, as I said, the first half of the album is really the star here.

The three words that best describe this album are hope, sadness and celebration, and sometimes they occur all at once.
This was a really stellar find.

A review of Young Magic's "Melt"

Almost done with the Totnes Haul Reviews...
This one was all Chris, but, in the spirit of completionism and all that, I decided to check it out as well.

The whole album feels very mythic and wide open, with the first track ("Sparkly") perfectly setting up the whole work for the listener. The second track, "Slip Time", one of my favorite tracks, has some really great programming and sampling going on, sounding a bit chaotic at times, but bringing everything together beautifully. "You With Air" has a strong feeling of Beck-ishness which is always fine with me.
The entire album feels very barefoot. It also makes me think that I don't want to meet the members of Young Magic. I don't know...something about the wide-eyed earnestness and sincerity inherent in the lyrics and the music itself makes me think I would be rolling my eyes the whole time. Doesn't mean I don't like what they've created here though...
After "Jam Karet", which is a bit clacky for my tastes, the album tends to blur together a bit, although it finishes strong with "Sanctuary" and "Drawing Down The Moon".

Something interesting I picked up on was that, in most of the songs, the music took precedence over the lyrics, sometimes to the point where you could barely hear them. I found that to be a very telling choice; it made me think that these guys are humble, something refreshing in this genre of music.
That or someone fucked up the mix in ProTools*.
Whatever.

This was an interesting album; not for everybody, but with a pretty high degree of aaccessibility.
If I don't seem to really have a strong opinion about this, it's because, as I mentioned before, I'm just sort of doing this to wrap things up, it doesn't reflect on the album or anything.





* Dirty Beaches has a funny story about a ProTools mishap...

Today's News

Earlier today, I had an audition that, based on the script, was for a company that manufactures and sells meaningful hugs.
The text was simple, short and just the way to start the week.
I then boogied over to Nutmeg here I recorded some really niche shit for folks who know about shipping things via trains. The company is called CSX and I said the words "intermodal rail transportation" more times than I would like to remember.
I'm talkin' to MAGNATES, PEOPLE!!!

So, that happened.

Then there is the new podcast I'm involved with, The Electromagnetic Theater. It launches on July 1st and will release one episode per week for...five weeks? Of the five episodes, I believe I'm in all of them in some capacity or other.
Think...radio plays...

As for MY podcast, digressive_obscenity, two episodes of the second wave have been recorded, one of which has been edited and, at the moment, four more are scheduled, with one or two more still in the works. Very exciting stuff...maybe.

Then, there is media!!!!!

I have since finished Remember Me and, while the game was way too short, in my opinion, I did enjoy myself. I'd like to see what they'll do with a sequel set in the same world, this time with a lot more remixing of memories, perhaps with a bit more subtlety.

Alongside that, Chris and I are now four episode out from the end of the new season of Arrested Development. While things have gotten much, much better (thank you Maria Bamford, Ben Stiller and Tommy Tune(!)), there is now almost too much going on, although I'm sure they'll find some strange way to wrap things up. Seeing as everybody seems to want a fifth season, I'm hoping that'll happen...within this decade. Honestly, I think it was just the shock of watching season three and going right into season four, when all these people are suddenly ten years older. It's like that scene from Flight of the Navigator when the kid meets his family and they are all hella old.
By which I mean to say, creepy.
Very creepy.
The things freaking me out the most are how thick David Cross' neck has gotten and how less hot Portia De Rossi is.
Also, the best episodes are those that focus on Gob.
This is not an opinion, this is truth.

Other than that, there are mung beans.

A review of Dirty Beaches' "Water Park OST"

Well...less of a review and more of an indictment.
Because it's not very good.
I don't know why Christina likes this so much.
Maybe she's autistic?

Water Park Theme (Take 2)
Okay, let me set the scene: Dirty Beaches is/are in the studio, making notes or running some sequencer or whatever, and then, oh look! It's his/her/their friend, Meredith! She has come to visit and bring hin/her/them raspberry scones! She comes in and makes herself at home, handing Dirty Beaches a big basket of delicious, oven-warm treats and sets her huge purse down on a nearby keyboard. They talk for a few minutes; the weather, the sports, you know, stuff, then she picks up her purse (Dirty Beaches can keep the basket until the scones are all gone!) and leaves. Dirty Beaches reflect(s) on how wonderful Meridith is and how yummy those scones are, but, then, it's back to work!
Only...what's this? It seems that ProTools has not only been recording the past few minutes...but that there are waveforms! What on earth could this be?! So, Dirty Beaches hits stop and listens to what's been recorded. It sounds kind of like a toneless wash of noise...almost as if someone has set something heavy on a keyboard and left it to...wait a minute! That Meredith! It turns out that, when she set he big purse down on that keyboard that the resulting "music" was recorded! Ha ha ha! You know what would be funny? If, as sort of a little joke and as a secret thank you to Meredith for the lovely scones, we kept this awful, boring noise and made it the first track on the album! And! And! We'll call it "take 2"! Oh, you guys!!!!
Seriously though, having this droning piece of bland as the intro to the album is a stroke of genius.
The expectations cannot get any lower.
Nowhere to go but up.

Floating Underwater Watching Waves
Or so you'd think.
Ocean noises and a piano note? Really? At this point, if I'm to judge the film by its soundtrack, I'd say it's a documentary about a bucket of water with some sand at the bottom. At the three minute mark, something happens. Not huge, but at least it's better than Beach Noises, Vol. 5: A Few Pebbles.
But then...joke's on me!!!! At the seven minute mark (this "song" is over nine minutes long), the ocean noise comes back in and my patience runs out. I skipped the last two minutes of this song.*

Phases
Sounds like the first track. Ugh.

Canadian Prairies

While neither are being played very well, those are recognizable as drums and a guitar with a lot of reverb.

Like The Wind**
It seems as if whoever was playing the drums badly on the last track is now playing the bass badly on this track. I have since gleaned that the film is about diarrhea. And learning to play instruments.

Good Bye Edmonton
Okay, all right, here we go. Some xylophone, some nice keyboards, I could maybe the song ended before I could finish that thought.

Water Park Theme (Reprise)
Reprise? There's a smarmy, shitty joke here, but I'd rather be done with this than think of it.

Ambient is an understatement.
Subtle is an understatement.
Listenable music is an overstatement.
I would rather roll around naked on...you ready?...dirty beaches.





* Probably where all the trombone solos were hiding.

** More aptly: "Like The Wind Blowing Over Some Guitars"

The Time Has Come To Speak Of Media

And the consumption thereof.

In the recently:

I have finished Bioshock Infinite.
And I have some questions.

THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.

I'm well versed in the whole "infinite, parallel universes" device. The fact, FACT that there exists at least two different universes in which the movie Clue stars Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese (respectively) as Wadsworth is something I look to for solace more often than you'd imagine.
So...first and foremost, how does killing Booker before he becomes Comstock in ONE universe cause everything to be all right? I mean, Elizabeth said there are a million million worlds that have Comstock in them and we only killed ONE Booker, thus eliminating ONE Comstock from being created.
Although people had a lot of issues with it, King's solution to this problem in the Dark Tower series to have a "key world" where things happened for good would have been helpful here.
Then there are the handful of times when Elizabeth opened tears into other worlds when something was totally insurmountably in the world they were in; when the gunsmith was dead or when the gunsmithing equipment was locked up. The idea that these worlds were different yet similar enough to continue with everything pretty much the way they were going...I don't know...didn't really work for me. Too much of a con incidence.
And then there's the lucky coincidence that, every time she opened a tear, it was into a world that had a Columbia and, more specifically, a Columbia right under their feet. I would have enjoyed once or twice her opening a tear into some patch of sky, tens of thousands of feet above the earth and then, maybe throwing an enemy through it or something.
All in all though: I really loved the game, I loved the world, I loved the detail and the time and space stuff, even if there were little strings for me to pick at. That final chapter, The Sea of Doors? Wow. Wow. Wow. Very cool stuff.
I'm hoping against hope that the DLC for Infinite is going to straight up be different worlds, each one starting from that sea of doors as a different set of Bookers and Elizabeths. It writes itself and would let them just have a fun time, like what Blood Dragon was to Far Cry 3.
Very excited for what comes next.

THUS ENDS THE SPOILERS FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.

After finishing Bioshock, rather than dive back into my growing pile of games I've had for months, I picked up Remember Me. I'm one or two episodes out from the end and, so far, I've been enjoying myself immensely.
The world is so rich and detailed and the story has kept my attention up to this point.
The combat is much like that from the recent Batman: Arkham games, but rougher and less good. Then again, you're Nilin, not Batman*. Like most people who have played this, the parts that stick out the most are the sections where you must "remix" a person's memories. It's a lot of fun and I've never really experienced anything like it in a game before. Some reviewer called the language "pretentious", but, you know what? I find it refreshing. I have yet to roll my eyes once during any dialog.
Oh, except for the insults the guards throw at the female protagonist.
*sigh*
While they aren't as creepy and horrible as when I was Catwoman in Arkham City, they're still pretty badly written and limited.
My only real problem with Remember Me is that, when you aren't slowly and methodically going through each level, looking in every darkened alley and obscured nook for collectibles that either expend the world or enhance your abilities, the game feels rather short.
Also, that boss fight with Madame.
Fuck that shit right off the bus.
Other than that; good stuff and I'm curious as to how they'll wrap this up...although I kind of have an idea.
Once I've completed Remember Me, I'm probably going to dive, face first, into The Last Of Us, despite that aforementioned ever-growing pile of games.
Because I want to.

Aside from interactive media, I have been taking in the kind one does NOT interact with.

Specifically: Batman: The Brave and The Bold.
The very first time I tried to watch this, it could not hold my interest. It was too silly. I think I may have been craving some Batman because Arkham City was about to come out...or Dark Knight Rises or something and I just was not in the mood for "stop you cad! And feel the righteous wrath of my justice fist!" or whatever. But, now that I have nothing to look forward to until October or November when Arkham Origins comes out, I have been able to enjoy the show fully for what it is.
Campy fun.
I also love the random, RANDOM ass C and D-list heroes and villains that pop up from time to time.
Hopefully this will keep me until Beware The Batman comes out, and, hopefully, Beware The Batman won't suck Penguin balls.

Then, there's the new season of Arrested Development. Chris and I had been plowing our way (slowly plowing our way) through the first three season in order to fully appreciate any callbacks or references or whatever and so we jumped right into season four after the final episode of season three.
Hm.
"Disconnected" is the word that comes to mind.
I understand that not everyone was there to shoot everything together, but, still, it feels very disconnected. We're still in the midst of the "catch up" episodes and, while you really do need those (it has been a decade), that amazing ensemble energy is sorely lacking. And there are still at least six more catch up episodes to go before the actually show can start, leaving us with only six or seven full on episodes that don't need to play catch up or spend time explaining things.
Quite a letdown so far.

And, finally, I saw Now You See Me a few days ago. Had some strong moments at the beginning, and then it stopped having strong moments. Overall, it felt like Ocean's Eleven with some magic and twists and the government.
I was also distracted by the fact that Lucius Fox, Alfred Pennyworth and the Hulk were all in this movie.
With Mark Zuckerberg and Mickey Knox.
I watch too much stuff.

Oh! Also! Reading! I have finally stopped reading comics, moving on to Phil's copy of TalesFrom The Dying Earth.
I've just started "Cugel's Saga" after finishing "Eyes of the Overworld".
It's good to get back into Vance after all these years. The guy really knew how to spin a yarn.
Also, how to write a book.
About a shitty little prick named Cugel.

I've also been doing quite a bit of business with the whole voice acty talk money thing.
But more on that later.
For I fear the something is something and now I must something.





* Of course, the game developers can't actually SAY that...

Doing My Duty...heh heh heh...

Several months ago, I received a questionnaire for jury duty qualification.
I completely ignored it for two reason: the first, fuck you, no one summons me except for the Lord our God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, and, second, because of that episode of The Simpsons when Apu becomes a citizen and then, at the very end, receives a summons for jury duty and then throws it out.
Some time later, I received a more threatening questionnaire, stating that they had sent me one before this and that I had not responded and that, by doing so again, I'm open to jail time and fines and molly flogging, etc.
So, I responded with the following message, jotted on the back of their smug little declaration:

Some time after that I received my actual summons instructing me to call a robot after office hours on a Friday, at which point I found out that I had to appear at 9 am on the following Monday.
You clever, fucking shitbags.
As I was scheduled to record for a NYSE voice over, I was, understandably,. perturbed when every single number listed, even the emergency numbers which were printed in big, red numbers all directed me to offices that would open a half hour before I had to be at the courthouse which, because fuck you, was NOT the courthouse within walking distance from my home, but, rather, the one forty minutes away.
Well played.
You fucks.
Luckily, the producer was super-awesome and, after an e-mail or two, we rescheduled for 6 pm on Tuesday evening.

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details of what transpired during my two days involved with jury duty*, I'll just touch on some of the things that really blew me away.

First, there was the vast amount of time that was wasted. Now, I am aware that I've never been on the other side of certain events; concerts, jury duty and other occurrences in life that seem to take an inordinate amount of time to those not involved, but I cannot wrap my head around the staggering amount of time it took to actually accomplish anything! I was there from 9 am until 3:45 pm. In that time, there was maybe...sixty solid minutes of something actually happening. The person who was to be tried, was arrested in November of 2011. What the fuck is taking so long?!
But, again, I have no idea what's going on behind the scenes...maybe I need to talk to a lawyer or something.

So, there was the fat and sludgy misuse of time; then, there were the people.
I don't know if it was the people in charge or the potential jurors, but somewhere along the line, either the chicken or the egg got real stupid. We were treated partially like 2nd graders and partially like cows with learning disabilities but, the thing is, everyone was acting like 2nd graders and/or cows with learning disabilities. At no point did I feel like anything other than a cog. A dumb, blunt cog. Who wasn't sure if you wanted my date of birth or today's date or where are my hands, I forgot.
The phrase that kept coming back to me was "a jury of one's peers".
I was too sad to laugh.
This continued into the court room. Here, it makes a little more sense; these laywers don't know who their potential jurors are or if they've veer watched television or seen a movie or read a book, and, therefore, explained everything as slowly and as clearly as they could...it was like...you know what it was like? Back when it looked like I might lose the sight in both my eyes, my parents looked into the St. Augustine School for the Deaf and Blind and I was sent to their summer program, in order to see what the place was like. However, the majority of the other kids there also had development disabilities that had occurred with the loss of their eyesight. Not all of them, but a good number.
As a result, I felt like I was in an asylum at times. It was horrible and terrifying and, after two weeks of the eight week program, I told my parents to get me the fuck out of there, which, thankfully, they did.
Anyway, once the lawyers (well, one was a lawyer who happened to look and sound exactly like George Bluth's surrogate from Arrested Development** and the other was an assistant DA) were done finding out if we had to poo poo or knew what poo poo was, they began to ask the potential jurors THE MOST THINLY VEILED QUESTIONS EVER. Such as "if you saw me with an umbrella and then drop it and run away and then you asked me if this was my umbrella and I said it wasn't and that I had just found it...who's umbrella would it seem to be?"
Forgot to mention, the case centered around a dude who was caught with, not one, not two, but with THREE loaded guns on his person, one of which had the serial number defaced.
Golly golly gosh, I wonder if his story is going to sound something like "I picked up the three guns but then put them down and walked away".
There was a lot more stuff like this which was just silly and I'll spare you the details.
Partly because I think I may be breaking some law or other just typing this here...I think.
But, hey, based on how slow everything works, I would be caught and called on charges until I've been dead for forty years.
So, after watching these people be pandered to, on my second day I was called into the box and given a bunch of questions. In the end, I answered them all truthfully and was let go. Along with everyone else who answered intelligently and with a touch of basic understanding of the events unfolding around them.
It appears that the lawyers wanted the slowest and/or non-thinking people in the group...I guess. Again, I've never been on the other side of these proceedings, and, beyond simple logic, the voir dire process is a mystery to me.

Some random things and then I'll gavel you:

Utter astonishment at the effort and expense put into wasting the time of over a thousand people every day. I am floored.

As it so happened, Bill Zeiser (a year behind me at Fordham, think I met him once at a party thrown by Christina Andrews) ended up sitting about ten feet behind me in the initial jury/cattle room. We were in the same group throughout and thus, hung with each other. Also, as it happened, one that first day, he and I had both worn bright orange shirts. At the end of our first day, we decided to wear navy blue shirts the next day, purple shirts the third day and, finally, if things went on this long, full on black suits the fourth day. Although we only made it two days, we did have a woman comment "you guys must color coordinate or something". Phase one was complete. Now...we take them down from the inside...
Or we would have if we'd been there more than two days.

And, speaking of shirts***, the navy blue shirt I decided to wear that second day was my one and only Cake shirt. It has a picture of a tree and the word "cake" on it. When I was being questioned by the assistant DA, he looked at my shirt and said, "Cake...the band, not the food, right? They're good" I nodded and responded, "They are. The food is also good."
If this weren't fun enough on its own merit...the above exchange is now in the official transcript of those proceedings. Forever.

I'll leave you with that.

Also: Matlock. Perry Mason. Lionel Hutz. The noise from "Law & Order".




* Too late.

** Yeah, could not make eye contact with the guy for fear of laughing like a mad man in his face.

*** TOTALLY NOT A BULLSHIT SEGUE! OH CHRIST I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO CONTINUE READING TO SEE HOW APT THIS SEGUE REALLY IS!!!!!!!

I just Saw Iron Man 3, And I Have Some Complaints

SPOILERS AHOY!!!

But first, some not complaints...what are those pesky things called...?
Anyway.

Advanced Idea Mechanics has been introduced into the world of the Marvel film universe and that is awesome.
Now, "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." doesn't have to constantly rely on third and ffourth string Marvel super villains for antagonists!
Also, the door is now wide open for M.O.D.O.K.
And other stuff, but, mainly M.O.D.O.K.

Uh...okay, now to the complaints.

First and foremost, the fact that there was no Mandarin.
Yes, yes, what a twist, and he did a great job as both "the Mandarin" and Trevor, but, seriously?
No.
You don't cast Ben Kingsley as this character and then cut his balls off.
What a fucking waste.
This like having the Joker turn out to be a hologram or a bad dream in The Dark Knight.
Still (obviously) seething about that.
And, since there is no Mandarin, does that mean that Aldrich Killian has been behind the "Ten Rings" organization since the first movie?
What up, grudge?
What up, doesn't really work when you think about it?

Secondly, Tony happening to run into a supergeniusboy in the middle of Tennessee? This isn't about there not being any intelligent people in Tennessee, this is about the random luck of the situation. And the way they were first talking to one another, I was just waiting for one of them to refer to a past friendship or something.
A bit too deus ex machina for me.
Or sloppy, if you want to call it what it is without using Latin.

Third, we have the whole Pepper/Extremis thing.
For a moment, I thought, okay, let's see where this goes, you've given her some really amazing powers and a chance to oh never mind "it was tough, but during this end-of-the-movie montage, we made her uninteresting again".
*sigh*

Then, and this is totally a fourth-on-the-list complaint: Jon Favreau...dude...lose some weight.
You're a high-powered, high-paid Hollywood director; get a personal trainer.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but, please, you knew there was going to be a third movie and you knew that you looked like a red sausage man* in a suit on camera.
Just the idea that he was able to land one punch on that crazy Extremis solider...silly.

Also, that last battle was a 50/50 split of too action-y and pretty cool and, while they didn't need to be in the movie at all, I would have dug some S.H.I.E.L.D. presence.

So...yeah, other than those...admittedly rather huge sticking points, I enjoyed myself and am curious as to where things are taken next.

One last thing I will add: the previews for IM3 were absolutely stuffing my 12-year old self with candy; the new Thor, the new Wolverine and the new Superman.
God damn it feels good to be me, here, now.





* That's a man made entirely out of red sausages.