A review of Chumped's "Teenage Retirement"

One thought kept banging around inside my head while listening to this album: Chumped could have scored both Daria and Scott Pilgrim Vs The World at the same time.* 

It's uncanny how these four friends from Brooklyn (Akina Pyle on lead vocals and guitar, Dan on drums, Doug on bass, and Drew on guitar**) manage to sound like everything good about female-fronted bands from the 90's, while, at the same moment, sound fresh and pertinent in today's toilety music scene. Pyle's vocals feel clear and declarative without being shrill or whiny, a thin line with female vocals in punk and an achievement worth nothing when it's pulled off.

Teenage Retirement, the band's first LP, is tight and bright, 12 tracks, 35 minutes. I like that math. "Hot 97 Summer Jam" is almost too 90's to believe it's not some forgotten b-side that just slipped past everyone's regard until just now, "Songs About Boats" is the one on which Bryan Lee O'Malley should base the next volume of Scott Pilgrim, and "Anywhere But Here", but for the vocals, sounds so much like Weezer that I could see YouTube's shitty anti-infringement software blocking it based on copyright grounds. I'm not really saying anything overly specific about these songs because they're all excellent bricks in an incredibly well-crafted wall of warm, nostalgic yet relevant pop punk. Except one. While everything else sounds like the best aspects of the 90's, "Coffee" sounds like a Blink-182 pastiche. It's short and quickly blotted from the listener's memory by the following song, but it's still there. Honestly, if it weren't for the guy's vocals, it would be great. The reason I'm focusing on this so much is that it's the only problem I really had with the album.

After a twenty five minute assault of BPMs, things wrap up with "The Pains Of Being" and "Old And Tired"; the former feels like pushing your way off a crowded subway: as the crowd disperses onto the platform, you get a chance to actually fill your lungs with air, get lost in your thoughts, get away from the other assholes penning you in, while the latter feels like emerging from the dark and dingy underground into hard, city sunlight. There are a few songs here featuring lyrics about trains: missing them, waiting for them, etc., and it all feels appropriate. Not only would I say this is music to be listened to on a subway, but, the album itself is a subway. There's a bright, silvery note that appears about thirteen seconds into the album that shines throughout. Bright and silvery like the outside of a subway car, which makes perfect sense, because, like a subway, the album is driving, a bit repetitive and always moving...plus, it's about 35 minutes, which is the exact length of time you'll have to wait for a fucking G train on the weekend if you've just missed one.***
If you miss the 90's and a sense of sincerity in music, you should probably listen to Teenage Retirement ...while riding the subway.

* Behold! My will is manifest as Chumped plays "Threshold" by Sex Bob-Omb!

** Fuck Drew, though.

*** Apologies to anyone reading this who is not from Brooklyn.

A review of Deptford Goth's "Songs"

Time, again, to bathe in the sullen sunlight of Daniel Woolhouse's gauzy synth forests.

Listening to Deptford Goth (the aforementioned Mr. Woolhouse) is akin to being embraced by a warm ghost. He sounds like the younger, softer brother of James Blake. There is more sophistication here, and less lyrics about fuckin'. Don't misunderstand; Daniel will fuck you, he'll just cuddle and talk and, maybe, weep afterwards. Blake might buy you dinner.
Might.

I immensely enjoyed the first DG album, Life After Defo*, and, quite frankly, Songs** blows it away.
Those that shimmer the brightest and have the most impact include "Do Exist", a sparse and delicate hymn, utilizing the repetition of the gentle sobriquet "my love", as well as the phrase "fear's gonna let you go" to create a gorgeous emotional resonance, "We Symbolise", which features an absolutely fantastic pairing of deep piano and Woolhouse's high, sweet voice, "A Circle", and "Near To A River", which nearly brought me to tears with Woolhouse's persistent pleas to "lift (his) body up" and "make (him) kind". The album closes with "A Shelter, A Weapon", a perfect ending to this rolling sunrise.

On the whole, Songs is a lot brighter, both sonically and lyrically, than Life After Defo, reaching new heights of warmth with "Codes", with its friendly, lumbering beat, like a child's imaginary friend coming in to play. While it does lack the emotional nuances of his first album because of its overabundance of light, is that so bad? There's enough darkness in our everyday lives, and, thanks to Woolhouse, we can get a little respite here, with Songs. Listen to this in the dark, cry, then feel better and move on.

* My review of which can be found here.

** Kudos on the most boldly bland album title I've heard in years.

A review of Dirty Beaches' "Stateless"

My first experience with Dirty Beaches...didn't turn out so great.* I'm going to go ahead and blame Alex Hungtai (aka Dirty Beaches), but I promised myself before I heard a note of the new album, Stateless, that I would give him a fair shake. Think of it this way: I'm in a place where literally anything he does will be a massive improvement.

Unless he really fucked it up this time round.

Stateless consists of four tracks, totaling forty two minutes.
Not off to a great start, man.

"Displaced"

Hypnotic, stammering saxophone.
For seven and a half minutes.
Far more interesting than anything I've heard from DB; frantic, menacing. Soundtrack to an ant hill or bee hive...of course it would be far more interesting still with something else to it.
Experimental in a good way: non-dynamic dynamism.

"Stateless"

Biblical horns signify the beginning procession of a city-long march. Echoing forever. Almost liquid, a river of melted down brass bells, in which the listener is drowning.
Reverb + delay = eternity.
This was cool for about four minutes...the last seven and a half? Not as much.
If "Displaced" is like being in the rain, "Stateless" is like looking at a picture of the rain.

"Pacific Ocean"

Do you remember Meredith? From the Water Park OST? Well, she brought her cat, Dingles, with her on this visit, and, while he certainly is a cute little nipper, boy, does that spirited scamp like to climb on studio equipment!
"No, Dingles! No!"
"Well, I guess we'll have to give him a producer's credit!"
*laughter*

"Time Washes Away Everything"

There is a joke here about this song washing away my patience that I'm not going to make.
The final track has a very strong A Winged Victory For The Sullen vibe to it, only, less structured...did you get that? Less structured than A Winged Victory For The Sullen.** Or, maybe, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, but with less effort and skill.
This track teases you...you think it's over, that you've made it and can now listen to...anything! Andy Gibb, The Drugs, Van Halen, Taylor Swift, MC 900 Ft. Jesus, anything that is not Dirty Beaches!
But then!
Ha! You silly bastard! You've still got eight minutes of this left! Bwa hah! Fool!

Is Stateless as drab as the Water Park OST? No, honestly, I can't think of anything that is...death, perhaps? But, less awful, droney "ambient music" is still a measurable quantity of awful, droney "ambient music".
Put this album on, then leave the house.





* This will really help with context. You know, if you like that sort of thing.

** This will only have impact if you know who A Winged Victory For The Sullen are. For that, I am heartily sorry.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - October 2014

Nine Inch Nails
Well, twenty years after becoming a thing, NIN have been nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Which probably doesn't mean anything to Trent Reznor, so why the fuck should it mean anything to his fans?
Reznor is reportedly working on some music delivery system for Apple which isn't exactly music.
I'm too tired to even tell you how little that interests me.

I also reviewed the Gone Girl score.
For you.

They Might Be Giants
Some pretty ballsy news from the Johns as they announce the return of Dial-A-Song dot com for 2015...with a brand new song EVERY TUESDAY FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR.
Dag.
That's three or four albums worth of stuff.
Interested how this is going to fit in with whatever the 2015 Instant Fan Club will consist of...if anything.
And along with this, they've just announced that they will be performing one show every month in Brooklyn in 2015.
Christ. Here's hoping for some theme shows...I would love to see a John Henry show with horns and maybe some super deep cuts for the real obnoxious fans. "Nightgown Of The Sullen Moon" anyone?
I'm going to make a concerted effort to see each and every one of these shows* and I'd love if you came with me. This kind of fun must be shared.


I listened to a bunch of stuff this month. And then I forced my opinion on people who did not ask for that.
And I am sorry.

The stuff included the Flaming Lips' Beatles' cover album, With A Little Help From My Fwends.
Which I didn't like much.

Then there was my little trip to Electro-Ambient Town with Loscil and Fieldhead's Fury/Hecla and A Winged Victory For The Sullen's accompaniment to Wayne McGregor's dance piece "Atomos", entitled Atomos.

Next, the surprising Thom Yorke album, Tomorrow's Modern Boxes. Surprising because he just popped it up there to test out a new way of delivering music and also because it's really, really good.

And, finally...there's Marilyn Manson. That self-parodying goth dingleberry is stick clinging to the short hair of angry teen asses everywhere, as shown by his intent to release yet another shitty album. He released the first single a ew days before Halloween and, boy, is it bland.
I reviewed the "song" ("Third Day Of A Seven Day Binge") and have been promised an advance copy to review the full album when it comes out.
Outlook...not so good.
Review here.

More to come, including reviews of the new Deptford Goth, the new Dirty Beaches and the new Chumped.





* read: "I will see each and every one of these shows".