6.6.06
8:49 PM
So this resident calls me (not for the first time) to complain about some damn thing. She says, “There is something VERY wrong here…” in a don’t-think-you-can-put-one-over-on-me tone of voice, then she pauses for effect. Never one to waste a silence, I ask, “Something specific or is it just a feeling of general malaise?” and she hangs up on me. If trying to clarify a vague statement made by some cantankerous bitch in a smarmy fashion makes me an asshole, well then fine, I’m an asshole, but at least I’m not a whiny resident at a shitty, badly run hospital. Ha!
Also, I did this…
Party Time
Or
Inchoate Darkness
Bawls out party time.
Tying my dick around my neck party time.
Impregnating the dead party time.
Pissing down my leg, off my toe and onto an ugly baby party time.
Ejaculating into the milk only to discover it isn’t milk, but a whole lot of ejaculate party time.
Wolverine in the South Hamptons party time.
Duck Tuxedo party time.
Note to self: Don’t order the cheese fries from Steak & Hoagies party time.
Sitting quietly whilst reading a book party time.
Considering buying Hitman: Blood Money but hesitating because I spent a lot of money on Chris’ B-Day and if I keep spending money I’ll never make any party time.
Considering buying those Dragon Fastback’s but hesitating for the same reason party time.
Hand cramping from writing so long party time.
The stabilizing force in the Universe is the scaly shit in between my toes party time.
Incomprehensible immigrants party time.
Deep-seded spelling error racism party time.
Intercontinental Rock God party time.
Running out of ideas party time.
Erectile dysfunction party time.
Time not fucking moving fast enough party time.
Baboon Rape Party party time.
Marilyn Manson has lost his mind and ate my balls party time.
Waste of paper party time.
Going to stop this pretty soon party time.
Twiggy in make up party time.
Backflipping Dixie Chicks party time.
Getting Up to Get Down party time.
Chex Mix party time.
Cheerios in Beer(ios) party time.
Pie stand party time.
Impromptu poetry party time.
Oleous discharge from the Anus party time.
Revisiting backflipping Dixie Chicks party time.
Sussingham cell phone party time.
100 pizzas party time.
200 Cigarettes party time.
At least $4,000 (four thousand dollars—it looks bigger spelled out) coming in soon party time.
Crossing guards, fingers and legs we break $10,000 (make that ten thousand dollars) party time.
Latoya (yes, for real, Latoya) is gone party time.
So am I party time.
Party T. Guyet
6.06.2006
6.02.2006
Anything worth doing…it’s worth doing right.
6.02.06
3:15PM
My fucking thumbnail is stabbing into my thumb from playing Nintendo for two hours straight. Fuck you, Mario. This is going to be a problem. This never used to happen when I was young. At least it teaches us that ergonomics isn’t bullshit. It also teaches us that eating mushrooms makes you bigger, Italian plumbers can break bricks with their bare hands and that being in close contact with tobacco leaves will turn you into a flying raccoon. Crazy Japanese and their crazy children’s’ drug culture. What is it about this game that makes it so addictive? The accessibility? The simplicity? The Koopas? Could it be the tobacco? Could it be the satisfaction of stomping waves of politically incorrectly named enemies? Could it be that green boot that makes you invincible? Could it be Giant World? In a way it’s all these things. And THAT is why they are still making Super Mario Brother games to this day.
Changing the subject drastically, I received a call from my agent earlier (while I was in Water World) and he told me that he wants me to be in a short film he wrote and is filming in a few weeks. It’s a tiny, non-speaking role in which I laugh and smoke (I’ve never even lit a cigarette, let alone smoked one) but the fact remains that he asked me personally. How cool is that? I really have no clue where the Great Magnet is taking me, but I would be a fool to resist.
3:15PM
My fucking thumbnail is stabbing into my thumb from playing Nintendo for two hours straight. Fuck you, Mario. This is going to be a problem. This never used to happen when I was young. At least it teaches us that ergonomics isn’t bullshit. It also teaches us that eating mushrooms makes you bigger, Italian plumbers can break bricks with their bare hands and that being in close contact with tobacco leaves will turn you into a flying raccoon. Crazy Japanese and their crazy children’s’ drug culture. What is it about this game that makes it so addictive? The accessibility? The simplicity? The Koopas? Could it be the tobacco? Could it be the satisfaction of stomping waves of politically incorrectly named enemies? Could it be that green boot that makes you invincible? Could it be Giant World? In a way it’s all these things. And THAT is why they are still making Super Mario Brother games to this day.
Changing the subject drastically, I received a call from my agent earlier (while I was in Water World) and he told me that he wants me to be in a short film he wrote and is filming in a few weeks. It’s a tiny, non-speaking role in which I laugh and smoke (I’ve never even lit a cigarette, let alone smoked one) but the fact remains that he asked me personally. How cool is that? I really have no clue where the Great Magnet is taking me, but I would be a fool to resist.
5.30.2006
Having problems with my pictures? idiot?
I have put the pictures in my photobucket account. If you aren't signed up, take a moment and do so, it is fast and free.
http://s16.photobucket.com/albums/b15/guidopaparazzi/
http://s16.photobucket.com/albums/b15/guidopaparazzi/
A nice time was had by all...in Nice.
I have bundled my Nice photos, audio entries and journals into two .rar files. You can get them here...Photos and Ausio & Journal.
Let me know what you think.
Let me know what you think.
5.25.2006
Me. Naked.
Not really. I am about to head out to the premier of Binding Silence. It's going to be interesting to see what people who don't know me at all think of it.
Also, both Will and Dorothy saw my VH1 spot yesterday. That totally rocks. I don't really have anything for you.
I finished my account of the Nice thing so that should be up in a few days. Iight.
I'm out!!
Also, both Will and Dorothy saw my VH1 spot yesterday. That totally rocks. I don't really have anything for you.
I finished my account of the Nice thing so that should be up in a few days. Iight.
I'm out!!
5.22.2006
Mr. Charisma Returns From France
5.22.06
8:50PM
I am officially back from France. I am also officially still feeling those six hours of time difference.
I am working on a media package of photos, audio clips and journals entries from the trip to distribute to anyone who is interested so for right now, I will just say a few things: It was absolutely incredible. It was not only the biggest production I have ever been involved in, but it was also the furthest I have ever traveled, the first time I have ever left the country and the most I have ever been paid for a job. It was a series of firsts that will not be soon forgotten and although only the people who were with me can truly share in the memories, hopefully the shadows I am preparing with shed some light on just how amazing this was to me and for me.
On the heels of this amazing moment in my life, I also have the premier of Binding Silence this week between 6pm and 8pm at the Swayduck Auditorium on 14th and University. You can find directions here. I would love for you to come. I plan to have the project (tentatively titled “Mr. Charisma Goes To London”) done soon. Right now I am feeling 2 am. And it is uuuuunpleasant.
Oh, tomorrow I am picking up a copy of my VH1 spot. So everyone has to come on over and chiggy check it out…or you could just turn on VH1 and love me live.
God I’m out of it…
8:50PM
I am officially back from France. I am also officially still feeling those six hours of time difference.
I am working on a media package of photos, audio clips and journals entries from the trip to distribute to anyone who is interested so for right now, I will just say a few things: It was absolutely incredible. It was not only the biggest production I have ever been involved in, but it was also the furthest I have ever traveled, the first time I have ever left the country and the most I have ever been paid for a job. It was a series of firsts that will not be soon forgotten and although only the people who were with me can truly share in the memories, hopefully the shadows I am preparing with shed some light on just how amazing this was to me and for me.
On the heels of this amazing moment in my life, I also have the premier of Binding Silence this week between 6pm and 8pm at the Swayduck Auditorium on 14th and University. You can find directions here. I would love for you to come. I plan to have the project (tentatively titled “Mr. Charisma Goes To London”) done soon. Right now I am feeling 2 am. And it is uuuuunpleasant.
Oh, tomorrow I am picking up a copy of my VH1 spot. So everyone has to come on over and chiggy check it out…or you could just turn on VH1 and love me live.
God I’m out of it…
5.11.2006
Mr. Charisma Goes To France
5.11.06
3:21 PM
I feel like a mountain top. Snow-covered and slightly sleepy. Tickled by the cold, thin air. Solipsistic yet all-encompassing. I am alone with millions.
I just found a way to make a silly noise with this keyboard here. Hee hee hee.
It stopped. Man, I never get to have any fun.
I have changed my diet recently. I also have upped the frequency of my swimming trips. See, I consciously made a mistake a few days ago that cost me a lot of money and a wonderful travel opportunity, but hopefully that won’t happen again as long as I keep up the good food and continuous exercise thing.
Action/reaction.
Action/reaction.
Buy the ticket/take the ride.
It was quite a harsh punishment that I received as a reaction, but it was alllll me and I take full responsibility. In fact, rather than just saying, yes, it’s true, this man has no dick, I am working to repair the damage. I think it’s going well.
Let’s all take a moment to consider the word “dick”. Since when does that word have ANYTHING to do with a penis? Was some King Richard an asshole nicknamed Dick after being a penis? I mean, exegesis please! He-lloooo!! Ahoy hoy!!! Cthulhu hoy hoy!! Shub niggurath hoy hoy!!!!! Azathoth Nyarlathotep hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R’yleh hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ygnaiih…ygnaiih…thflthkh’ngha hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H’ehye n’grkdl’lh, h’ehye in the name of Yog Sothoth hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then we switch…
7:50 PM
Well, I guess I did something right.
Seconds after I walked into my apartment for my break, I found out that I booked the aforementioned money/travel thing.
From the 12th to the 19th I will be in Nice, France shooting a Bacardi commercial. We will be shooting in both Nice and Monaco.
Again: I am leaving the country. I am going to France. I will be paid to drink Bacardi and eat French food for a week. Holy goddamn Jesus Fucking Christ on un pogo stick in the water.
I AM GOING TO FRANCE.
PAUL MARK DAMIAN GUYET JR IS GOING TO FUCKING FRANCE.
I think I am on the Right Track.
Right after hearing it up to a few minutes ago, it hadn’t hit me yet. Part of it has and now I am vibrating with words, thoughts, feelings and emotions. My first thought was, “Am I going to get fired for this?” Once that was taken care of I had “I will be there without my friends”, and then I decided that I am going to buy a French Nine Inch Nails CD and everything became copasetic. Christina was on the phone with me and she said this place is basically paradise. I can do paradise. I plan to bring my video camera and my Polaroid in order to properly document this occasion. According to Christina, I will see mountains, castles, ruins (which I believe are very old castles) and cobblestones. Lots of cobblestones. I will be about a half hour from Italy, another country in Europe.
Holy fuck.
I am going to a place where there is a different currency, a different language, a different quality of food, life, air…
I can’t say I’m ready for this, but that doesn’t really matter because I’m being paid to do this. A lot. To eat French food and drink Bacardi.
In order to make new friends I plan to bring my DVD player and hook it up to the television in my room and play The Big Lebowski drinking game (with free Bacardi products), taking time out to consume crackers, analyze and reproduce the “Gutterballs” sequence, argue the significance of the “shadow pinky” and not finish the movie.
Just for the record, Bacardi is responsible for bringing me from this country into another.
I wash my hands of this.
I am going to France.
3:21 PM
I feel like a mountain top. Snow-covered and slightly sleepy. Tickled by the cold, thin air. Solipsistic yet all-encompassing. I am alone with millions.
I just found a way to make a silly noise with this keyboard here. Hee hee hee.
It stopped. Man, I never get to have any fun.
I have changed my diet recently. I also have upped the frequency of my swimming trips. See, I consciously made a mistake a few days ago that cost me a lot of money and a wonderful travel opportunity, but hopefully that won’t happen again as long as I keep up the good food and continuous exercise thing.
Action/reaction.
Action/reaction.
Buy the ticket/take the ride.
It was quite a harsh punishment that I received as a reaction, but it was alllll me and I take full responsibility. In fact, rather than just saying, yes, it’s true, this man has no dick, I am working to repair the damage. I think it’s going well.
Let’s all take a moment to consider the word “dick”. Since when does that word have ANYTHING to do with a penis? Was some King Richard an asshole nicknamed Dick after being a penis? I mean, exegesis please! He-lloooo!! Ahoy hoy!!! Cthulhu hoy hoy!! Shub niggurath hoy hoy!!!!! Azathoth Nyarlathotep hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R’yleh hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ygnaiih…ygnaiih…thflthkh’ngha hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H’ehye n’grkdl’lh, h’ehye in the name of Yog Sothoth hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then we switch…
7:50 PM
Well, I guess I did something right.
Seconds after I walked into my apartment for my break, I found out that I booked the aforementioned money/travel thing.
From the 12th to the 19th I will be in Nice, France shooting a Bacardi commercial. We will be shooting in both Nice and Monaco.
Again: I am leaving the country. I am going to France. I will be paid to drink Bacardi and eat French food for a week. Holy goddamn Jesus Fucking Christ on un pogo stick in the water.
I AM GOING TO FRANCE.
PAUL MARK DAMIAN GUYET JR IS GOING TO FUCKING FRANCE.
I think I am on the Right Track.
Right after hearing it up to a few minutes ago, it hadn’t hit me yet. Part of it has and now I am vibrating with words, thoughts, feelings and emotions. My first thought was, “Am I going to get fired for this?” Once that was taken care of I had “I will be there without my friends”, and then I decided that I am going to buy a French Nine Inch Nails CD and everything became copasetic. Christina was on the phone with me and she said this place is basically paradise. I can do paradise. I plan to bring my video camera and my Polaroid in order to properly document this occasion. According to Christina, I will see mountains, castles, ruins (which I believe are very old castles) and cobblestones. Lots of cobblestones. I will be about a half hour from Italy, another country in Europe.
Holy fuck.
I am going to a place where there is a different currency, a different language, a different quality of food, life, air…
I can’t say I’m ready for this, but that doesn’t really matter because I’m being paid to do this. A lot. To eat French food and drink Bacardi.
In order to make new friends I plan to bring my DVD player and hook it up to the television in my room and play The Big Lebowski drinking game (with free Bacardi products), taking time out to consume crackers, analyze and reproduce the “Gutterballs” sequence, argue the significance of the “shadow pinky” and not finish the movie.
Just for the record, Bacardi is responsible for bringing me from this country into another.
I wash my hands of this.
I am going to France.
5.07.2006
The trailer for Binding Silence is up here. Ray showed us a 99% final version of the film tonight and it looks great. I still can't judge my own merit as an actor, but the film looks great.
5.02.2006
EDIETS and VH1
I just found out that the "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" video that Ray edited together from "Binding Silence" footage won 2nd place in the NIN Hotline contest. Woot. Check it out here.
Also, my VH1 Rock Honors commercial has started running. Keep an eye out and let me know if you catch it.
Also, my VH1 Rock Honors commercial has started running. Keep an eye out and let me know if you catch it.
4.28.2006
The vantage falling from the Ivory Tower
4.28.06
9:31 PM
Two things.
First, I am always happily amazed at how fast Tums eradicates acid reflux. It’s like fuckfuckfuckpaindeathgrogyaaaaaahfuckfuckgoddamnitwhoremastercuntrammerbastarddiediediefine.
Way to go, Mr. Tums.
Secondly, I was flirted with by an attractive woman today! I went to go pick up my Opel DVD from Convergence (the production company) and the editor (Lora, who was at the recording) was ALL UP IN MY GRILL. I was floored and superflattered. I strut like a mofugger all the way home. I think the reason she wanted to scale Mount Guido was because she was impressed with my talent and candor from the recording. I know that sounds immodest, but she certainly wasn’t after me for my looks. Anyway, I am officially a Sexy Beast. Me and Sir Ben are going clubbing this weekend.
Wanger.
Ding.
P.S. The spot looks awesome, y’all gots to come over and check it out.
Also, the short film I recently starred in “Binding Silence” will primer on May 25th at the New School (somewhere around 14th and University). I'll put up more details as they arise.
9:31 PM
Two things.
First, I am always happily amazed at how fast Tums eradicates acid reflux. It’s like fuckfuckfuckpaindeathgrogyaaaaaahfuckfuckgoddamnitwhoremastercuntrammerbastarddiediediefine.
Way to go, Mr. Tums.
Secondly, I was flirted with by an attractive woman today! I went to go pick up my Opel DVD from Convergence (the production company) and the editor (Lora, who was at the recording) was ALL UP IN MY GRILL. I was floored and superflattered. I strut like a mofugger all the way home. I think the reason she wanted to scale Mount Guido was because she was impressed with my talent and candor from the recording. I know that sounds immodest, but she certainly wasn’t after me for my looks. Anyway, I am officially a Sexy Beast. Me and Sir Ben are going clubbing this weekend.
Wanger.
Ding.
P.S. The spot looks awesome, y’all gots to come over and check it out.
Also, the short film I recently starred in “Binding Silence” will primer on May 25th at the New School (somewhere around 14th and University). I'll put up more details as they arise.
4.27.2006
Porno for Pyros sucks.
Ready to rock. Music links are at the bottom along with a treat for some of you...a stroll through a vomit and cigarette littered memory lane...
Diggy bomb.
I found out a few days ago that the 2nd Avenue subway line has been confirmed. It will run from 125th to lower Manhattan and it is slated to be completely finished in 2030. I am planning on blowing it up. No reason in particular, but just because I have SO long to prepare something, I think it should be easy.
Anyway, I don't know if this is going to become something or not, but I recently made a CD of my current Winamp Frequent Plays and I put them on a disc before I went to Florida. There is a good selection of good music and I've decided to share it with you all. In a bit I'll post a link to my website where you can all download the CD (in three easy to swalllow parts) if you want. Enjoy.
Anyway, I don't know if this is going to become something or not, but I recently made a CD of my current Winamp Frequent Plays and I put them on a disc before I went to Florida. There is a good selection of good music and I've decided to share it with you all. In a bit I'll post a link to my website where you can all download the CD (in three easy to swalllow parts) if you want. Enjoy.
4.25.2006
Oh Michael...what have you done?
This is the real video for this track.
About halfway through you realize that he is destined to become a less sucessful, less sexy Tom Jones.
About halfway through you realize that he is destined to become a less sucessful, less sexy Tom Jones.
The Spirit of Truth
Spent some time in Florida with Phil. Here is something we did whilst there. We also saw Silent Hill and Thank You For Smoking. Two different movies. Trying to gather a bunch of people to see Silent Hill this Saturday or Sunday. Let me know if you are interested.
4.19.2006
4.17.2006
You're such a dirty, dirty Rock Star
4.17.06
5:11 PM
You know how movie starts and celebrities can some times seem a bit aloof? A bit condescending? A bit…”better than you”? Well, I have it cemented just why that is. Between Friday’s VH1 shoot and this morning’s Opel voice over recording, I have gleaned insight on the subject of why movies stars and celebrities feel that they are different than us. Quite simply because they are treated like living gods; and for a few hours, I walked among them.
On Friday, I arrived at North Six about ten minutes before my call time. I was sent to Lita for costume approval. Then I was ushered to the “principal” tent. After talking with a few of the other principal actors, I was called in for make-up. Blair gave me some powder and stuff and deemed me camera worthy. That was at about 11 in the morning. Between 11 and 4 (when the shot I was in was ready to be shot) I lived la Vida Rock Star. After a few more minutes under the tent, the higher ups said that me and my friend (my friend in the shot, not in real life, although he turned out to be a fun guy) could hang out in the motor home. We did. I met some very fun people in there. I will spare most of the details.
At one point, I asked someone when lunch was, I was informed it was to be later, in an hour and a half or so. I said that I would probably be able to hold out that long and that I missed the hot breakfast. Then I was clued in on the “Snack Tent”. It was less of a tent and more of a mini-mart. Aside from the dozens of snacks (Goldfish, lollipops, cashews, boiled peanuts, dried fruit, cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip, bags of trail mix, Cheetos and potato chips, WHITE CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS, Raisinettes, Milk Duds, apples, oranges, Jell-O cups and more) they had a man whose job it was to stand around until someone wanted a smoothie. When someone wanted a smoothie, they went to him and he made them a smoothie. I found out that this type of Kraft Service is called “L.A. style”. Anyway, I’ll be frank, I abused the Snack Tent. Then, lunch arrived. By the Holy Gates of Babylon. There were five different types of bread, four different salads, a rice/bean dish that made me tear up, excellent pasta with both meat and vegetarian sauces and then there was the main courses. Since it was Good Friday they had swordfish (yes, swordfish…and it was delicious) along with a sumptuous chicken and a marinated sirloin steak that drove me insane. Then came dessert. Cake cake cake. Bunt, cheese, chocolate *insert Prince noise here*.
Anyway, long story short, these movie star types live this EVERY DAY, I am no longer surprised at their behavior. In fact, if I ever make it big, I am going to be hard pressed to not succumb to the Life.
And today was also excellent. I arrived at the studio a little early so I was sent into the lounge. Ohmygod. Three HUGE black, leather couches faced a 72-inch plasma screen HDTV hooked up to a top-of-the-line 7.1 system. There was a full bar and fridge, a pool table, a box arcade game with Galaga and Pac Man and a fully loaded jukebox. Aside from this AMAZING set up, there were autographed movie and play posters everywhere. To give you an indication of the caliber of the people they have recording in this studio, their bathroom had autographs from the full cast of Spamalot and The Rocky Horror Picture show. Along the hall leading to the studio I was in, I saw two autographed album covers: Tenacious D and some Jay-Z album.
As for the session itself, I have never felt more a part of the whole thing that this. At every recording I have ever been at, I read what’s written several times until they think they have it, and then I sit quietly while the production and editing people do their thing. Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with some fun people, but my role has been clear: the talent, just the voice. This was three people: the woman who actually found and assembled the footage (Lora), the editor (Joe) and me. We spent the first ten minutes just jabbering and once I got into the booth, everything went swimmingly. But when I came out, the THREE of us worked on lining things up, deciding which takes went the best with the video and discussing just how this phrasing made the image speak for itself while this one spoke for the image etc. Together. It was great. At the end, they both said they had a lot more fun then they usually do and I said the same.
To recap:
The last few days have been das shiznit because:
I had back to back acting gigs
I was treated like a living god
I was paid to Rock Out to Guns N Roses
I shot my first National on-screen work (since Shark Week) in two or so years
I recorded the highest paying voiceover of my career to date
I helped to edit said voiceover
I was guaranteed copies of both projects
I would say that the rest of this week is bound to suck, simply based on the strong start, but after tomorrow, I fly down to Florida and hang out with Phil while drinking in the cursed sunshine and (hopefully) being scared genderless by Silent Hill. All I can taste is victory.
P.S. The VH1 Thing is a promo for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, a show called “VH! Rock Honors” and for Rock itself and what it’s meant to people over the years. It should start airing May 1st. I was told it starts out with a windswept wheat field. I am very visible so keep an eye out. Also, although I should be getting a copy, if someone sees it before me, please let me know.
The Opel thing will not be aired, it was made specifically for trade show and the like, and that totally sucks. It is the funniest voiceover I have ever done. The gist of the project is that Opel (which is like the European “Ford”) is introducing a feature which allows you to test drive a car for three days before buying it. So the thing is what if you had three days to test drive everything in your life: your house, your vacation home, your job…and you wife. I shit thee not. Aside from the wife thing, almost all the video is tinged (or dripping) with sexual innuendo and it is hilarious. You’ll have to come over to see that one, but I promise it’s worth it.
Good times…
5:11 PM
You know how movie starts and celebrities can some times seem a bit aloof? A bit condescending? A bit…”better than you”? Well, I have it cemented just why that is. Between Friday’s VH1 shoot and this morning’s Opel voice over recording, I have gleaned insight on the subject of why movies stars and celebrities feel that they are different than us. Quite simply because they are treated like living gods; and for a few hours, I walked among them.
On Friday, I arrived at North Six about ten minutes before my call time. I was sent to Lita for costume approval. Then I was ushered to the “principal” tent. After talking with a few of the other principal actors, I was called in for make-up. Blair gave me some powder and stuff and deemed me camera worthy. That was at about 11 in the morning. Between 11 and 4 (when the shot I was in was ready to be shot) I lived la Vida Rock Star. After a few more minutes under the tent, the higher ups said that me and my friend (my friend in the shot, not in real life, although he turned out to be a fun guy) could hang out in the motor home. We did. I met some very fun people in there. I will spare most of the details.
At one point, I asked someone when lunch was, I was informed it was to be later, in an hour and a half or so. I said that I would probably be able to hold out that long and that I missed the hot breakfast. Then I was clued in on the “Snack Tent”. It was less of a tent and more of a mini-mart. Aside from the dozens of snacks (Goldfish, lollipops, cashews, boiled peanuts, dried fruit, cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip, bags of trail mix, Cheetos and potato chips, WHITE CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS, Raisinettes, Milk Duds, apples, oranges, Jell-O cups and more) they had a man whose job it was to stand around until someone wanted a smoothie. When someone wanted a smoothie, they went to him and he made them a smoothie. I found out that this type of Kraft Service is called “L.A. style”. Anyway, I’ll be frank, I abused the Snack Tent. Then, lunch arrived. By the Holy Gates of Babylon. There were five different types of bread, four different salads, a rice/bean dish that made me tear up, excellent pasta with both meat and vegetarian sauces and then there was the main courses. Since it was Good Friday they had swordfish (yes, swordfish…and it was delicious) along with a sumptuous chicken and a marinated sirloin steak that drove me insane. Then came dessert. Cake cake cake. Bunt, cheese, chocolate *insert Prince noise here*.
Anyway, long story short, these movie star types live this EVERY DAY, I am no longer surprised at their behavior. In fact, if I ever make it big, I am going to be hard pressed to not succumb to the Life.
And today was also excellent. I arrived at the studio a little early so I was sent into the lounge. Ohmygod. Three HUGE black, leather couches faced a 72-inch plasma screen HDTV hooked up to a top-of-the-line 7.1 system. There was a full bar and fridge, a pool table, a box arcade game with Galaga and Pac Man and a fully loaded jukebox. Aside from this AMAZING set up, there were autographed movie and play posters everywhere. To give you an indication of the caliber of the people they have recording in this studio, their bathroom had autographs from the full cast of Spamalot and The Rocky Horror Picture show. Along the hall leading to the studio I was in, I saw two autographed album covers: Tenacious D and some Jay-Z album.
As for the session itself, I have never felt more a part of the whole thing that this. At every recording I have ever been at, I read what’s written several times until they think they have it, and then I sit quietly while the production and editing people do their thing. Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with some fun people, but my role has been clear: the talent, just the voice. This was three people: the woman who actually found and assembled the footage (Lora), the editor (Joe) and me. We spent the first ten minutes just jabbering and once I got into the booth, everything went swimmingly. But when I came out, the THREE of us worked on lining things up, deciding which takes went the best with the video and discussing just how this phrasing made the image speak for itself while this one spoke for the image etc. Together. It was great. At the end, they both said they had a lot more fun then they usually do and I said the same.
To recap:
The last few days have been das shiznit because:
I had back to back acting gigs
I was treated like a living god
I was paid to Rock Out to Guns N Roses
I shot my first National on-screen work (since Shark Week) in two or so years
I recorded the highest paying voiceover of my career to date
I helped to edit said voiceover
I was guaranteed copies of both projects
I would say that the rest of this week is bound to suck, simply based on the strong start, but after tomorrow, I fly down to Florida and hang out with Phil while drinking in the cursed sunshine and (hopefully) being scared genderless by Silent Hill. All I can taste is victory.
P.S. The VH1 Thing is a promo for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, a show called “VH! Rock Honors” and for Rock itself and what it’s meant to people over the years. It should start airing May 1st. I was told it starts out with a windswept wheat field. I am very visible so keep an eye out. Also, although I should be getting a copy, if someone sees it before me, please let me know.
The Opel thing will not be aired, it was made specifically for trade show and the like, and that totally sucks. It is the funniest voiceover I have ever done. The gist of the project is that Opel (which is like the European “Ford”) is introducing a feature which allows you to test drive a car for three days before buying it. So the thing is what if you had three days to test drive everything in your life: your house, your vacation home, your job…and you wife. I shit thee not. Aside from the wife thing, almost all the video is tinged (or dripping) with sexual innuendo and it is hilarious. You’ll have to come over to see that one, but I promise it’s worth it.
Good times…
4.13.2006
VH1: On My Dick
4.13.06
4:36 PM
What can I say? VH1 knows Pure Rock when they see it. Tomorrow I am skipping work to shoot a VH1 commercial at North Six in Brooklyn (the same place I saw TMBG for New Year’s). I was contacted by the make-up chick (Rita) and told that my motivation was “a Guns N Roses fan”. I have never been so honored. And I don’t even have to act. No phoning it in. I know very little of the show this commercial is supporting except for that it has something to do with a “reunion tour” show. This might actually be for the Guns N Roses Reunion Tour. I would be happier about that if their new music was better, but whatever, I can’t get everything I want out of a commercial shoot, just free food, free money and the chance to rock out to Guns N Roses. I’ll suffer through it.
Then, next Wednesday, I go to Florida to see Silent Hill with Philip. Although I have had two Silent Hill-esque dreams that will make this movie disappointing. If, despite these dreams, I enjoy the movie, it will be the best movie in the world because these dreams would have made excellent moments in it. Whatever. I am optimistic and thrilled out of my anus.
Puuuure Rock mother fuckers, Pure Rock.
4:36 PM
What can I say? VH1 knows Pure Rock when they see it. Tomorrow I am skipping work to shoot a VH1 commercial at North Six in Brooklyn (the same place I saw TMBG for New Year’s). I was contacted by the make-up chick (Rita) and told that my motivation was “a Guns N Roses fan”. I have never been so honored. And I don’t even have to act. No phoning it in. I know very little of the show this commercial is supporting except for that it has something to do with a “reunion tour” show. This might actually be for the Guns N Roses Reunion Tour. I would be happier about that if their new music was better, but whatever, I can’t get everything I want out of a commercial shoot, just free food, free money and the chance to rock out to Guns N Roses. I’ll suffer through it.
Then, next Wednesday, I go to Florida to see Silent Hill with Philip. Although I have had two Silent Hill-esque dreams that will make this movie disappointing. If, despite these dreams, I enjoy the movie, it will be the best movie in the world because these dreams would have made excellent moments in it. Whatever. I am optimistic and thrilled out of my anus.
Puuuure Rock mother fuckers, Pure Rock.
4.07.2006
4.7.06
12:00 PM
Working 11a to 7p today. Today my voice comes out as the sound of two puppies being rubbed together. I feel nice and soft today. Like blankets. Puppy Blankets. Or Rabbit Blankets. I sound like a tiny Bjork on the phone. I am super helpful.
For now.
No one has made these puppies angry…yet.
These rabbits can and will bite though, if given a reason.
I beg of you all, don’t make these bunnies bite.
You will regret it.
Regretation xmaxie.
There is a newspaper here.
Maybe I will read it.
Most likely I will not.
Hey.
How you fillin’?
Speaking dust accumulates.
Beer with raw eggs in it for breakfast.
Keys on a paddle.
Troublemaker.
Troublemaker.
Okay, I just decided my voice is NOT, after all, like puppies or bunnies or anything like that. I sound lecherous and creepy and I am making the people I talk to uncomfortable.
And that is just peaches with me.
A person thrown off is a person that can be transferred to the Dental Department without calling back to yell at you. They’ll just leave their message with Dental and weep themselves to lunchtime. At which point they will order a Chef’s Salad in which the ham will taste as bitter as ashes.
And it serves these pigs right. Eating pork on a Friday. Filthy pigs. FILTHY PIGS! LITTLE! FUCKING! PIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGSSAAAHHH!!!!
Hey pigs.
I’m remembering a little restaurant in Ocean City called Chi-Chi’s (not the terrible Mexican chain). There was an old golf game there called Golden Tee. It was fun. Maybe we can go to the Waterfront restaurant when we get to OC. It has excellent seafood.
I have a powerful lust for red salmon.
Wow. Debbie Cuntin is here.
And she's eating.
Imagine that.
Her.
Eating.
I have to give myself credit. While it’s not the cleverest nickname out there, it fits perfectly. Her name is Buntin and she’s a cunt. Her parents must have had visions.
I wish I could get a picture of her for you guys. She looks like Aunt Jemima's overweight sister. She is so fat that she doesn’t life her feet from the ground, she can only shuffle.
Her body will kill her soon.
And then I will hate no more...
12:00 PM
Working 11a to 7p today. Today my voice comes out as the sound of two puppies being rubbed together. I feel nice and soft today. Like blankets. Puppy Blankets. Or Rabbit Blankets. I sound like a tiny Bjork on the phone. I am super helpful.
For now.
No one has made these puppies angry…yet.
These rabbits can and will bite though, if given a reason.
I beg of you all, don’t make these bunnies bite.
You will regret it.
Regretation xmaxie.
There is a newspaper here.
Maybe I will read it.
Most likely I will not.
Hey.
How you fillin’?
Speaking dust accumulates.
Beer with raw eggs in it for breakfast.
Keys on a paddle.
Troublemaker.
Troublemaker.
Okay, I just decided my voice is NOT, after all, like puppies or bunnies or anything like that. I sound lecherous and creepy and I am making the people I talk to uncomfortable.
And that is just peaches with me.
A person thrown off is a person that can be transferred to the Dental Department without calling back to yell at you. They’ll just leave their message with Dental and weep themselves to lunchtime. At which point they will order a Chef’s Salad in which the ham will taste as bitter as ashes.
And it serves these pigs right. Eating pork on a Friday. Filthy pigs. FILTHY PIGS! LITTLE! FUCKING! PIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGSSAAAHHH!!!!
Hey pigs.
I’m remembering a little restaurant in Ocean City called Chi-Chi’s (not the terrible Mexican chain). There was an old golf game there called Golden Tee. It was fun. Maybe we can go to the Waterfront restaurant when we get to OC. It has excellent seafood.
I have a powerful lust for red salmon.
Wow. Debbie Cuntin is here.
And she's eating.
Imagine that.
Her.
Eating.
I have to give myself credit. While it’s not the cleverest nickname out there, it fits perfectly. Her name is Buntin and she’s a cunt. Her parents must have had visions.
I wish I could get a picture of her for you guys. She looks like Aunt Jemima's overweight sister. She is so fat that she doesn’t life her feet from the ground, she can only shuffle.
Her body will kill her soon.
And then I will hate no more...
4.06.2006
And that's how I lost the job...
4.6.06
3:21 PM
VH1 is not ready for me. So. I had an (on screen) audition today from some VH1 thing. I was told that I was reacting to a KISS reunion tour. There was this dude with me and we were supposed to be friends. Anyway. It was allll improv. React to this, pretend you’re here etc. So the guy starts playing “Rock and Roll All Night (and Party Ev-Er-Ry Day)” and tells us to go nuts. Now, a question: aside from his music, what are the first two things that come to your mind when you hear “Gene Simmons”? For me it’s 1.) his crazy long tongue and 2.) all the diseases he’s contracted with and because of his tongue, in that order. So I start screaming, “Yeah! Woo!” and lolling my tongue and headbanging (sans hair tie, so I am a hair tornado, man) and playing air bass then I turn to the other auditioner (Richard, nice guy) since he and I are supposed to be good friends according to the copy and say, “Can you imagine how many women that tongue has been in?!” and then I start chanting “STD! STD!” Then the music seemed to end rather abruptly. Oh well. You think there’s NOTHING you can do to offend New Yorkers and then something ambiguous like this happens.
Also, I held a 3 month old chihuahua and it kissed me. IT WAS THE SMALLEST THING IN THE WORLD. I could have a pug or a chihuahua. I would have to get the smallest chihuahua available. It was SO CUTE. I would name the chihuahua Squiggles. It fit in the palm of my hand.
3:21 PM
VH1 is not ready for me. So. I had an (on screen) audition today from some VH1 thing. I was told that I was reacting to a KISS reunion tour. There was this dude with me and we were supposed to be friends. Anyway. It was allll improv. React to this, pretend you’re here etc. So the guy starts playing “Rock and Roll All Night (and Party Ev-Er-Ry Day)” and tells us to go nuts. Now, a question: aside from his music, what are the first two things that come to your mind when you hear “Gene Simmons”? For me it’s 1.) his crazy long tongue and 2.) all the diseases he’s contracted with and because of his tongue, in that order. So I start screaming, “Yeah! Woo!” and lolling my tongue and headbanging (sans hair tie, so I am a hair tornado, man) and playing air bass then I turn to the other auditioner (Richard, nice guy) since he and I are supposed to be good friends according to the copy and say, “Can you imagine how many women that tongue has been in?!” and then I start chanting “STD! STD!” Then the music seemed to end rather abruptly. Oh well. You think there’s NOTHING you can do to offend New Yorkers and then something ambiguous like this happens.
Also, I held a 3 month old chihuahua and it kissed me. IT WAS THE SMALLEST THING IN THE WORLD. I could have a pug or a chihuahua. I would have to get the smallest chihuahua available. It was SO CUTE. I would name the chihuahua Squiggles. It fit in the palm of my hand.
4.03.2006
You. Fucking. Dickwhacker.
4.3.06
3:27 PM
I just opened a letter from the Museum of Modern Art with membership info and stuff like that. Like most places in the vein of MoMA they have different levels of membership for different amounts of money. Part of me wants to cut a check for $2,500 just because that same part of me feels like not only should I be a member, but I should also get special privileges and such. I could do it, but I can imagine a serious bout of (irreversible) buyer’s remorse kicking me in my throat some time soon after the check was cashed.
The film is done. I have to record a soul-tearing scream or two but the shooting is over. I feel mixed emotions, mostly good, but whatever. I have never truly trusted my emotions. When your emotional climate can be altered by candy, you shouldn’t trust it.
I don’t know if it’s the weather, the pancakes, the end of the film or the Nine Inch Nails tickets, but I am feeling spiritually tall at the moment. I feel a picnic coming on. Like a pre-game for BEECHOUSZATRONICON XMAX. Oh, also it could be the fact that I have my trip booked to Florida for the opening day of Silent Hill with Phil. I feel light and fluffy like clouds. Tall, sexy clouds.
Will is a gay robot. And I think he knows what the problem is…
This light feeling could be from something much bigger. Something that my mind is only allows hints of. Like the shadows of giants. Something cosmic and good. Something that makes me feel eight years old.
I shall arrange a picnic soon. None will be spared, gaze upon the terror of my picnic plans and tremble. My only regret is that Kaitlyn will not be at this picnic. She HATES to see me happy. Actually, she hates to see me period, but seeing me happy? That’s like HOT glass in her eyes.
I’M OFF!
3:27 PM
I just opened a letter from the Museum of Modern Art with membership info and stuff like that. Like most places in the vein of MoMA they have different levels of membership for different amounts of money. Part of me wants to cut a check for $2,500 just because that same part of me feels like not only should I be a member, but I should also get special privileges and such. I could do it, but I can imagine a serious bout of (irreversible) buyer’s remorse kicking me in my throat some time soon after the check was cashed.
The film is done. I have to record a soul-tearing scream or two but the shooting is over. I feel mixed emotions, mostly good, but whatever. I have never truly trusted my emotions. When your emotional climate can be altered by candy, you shouldn’t trust it.
I don’t know if it’s the weather, the pancakes, the end of the film or the Nine Inch Nails tickets, but I am feeling spiritually tall at the moment. I feel a picnic coming on. Like a pre-game for BEECHOUSZATRONICON XMAX. Oh, also it could be the fact that I have my trip booked to Florida for the opening day of Silent Hill with Phil. I feel light and fluffy like clouds. Tall, sexy clouds.
Will is a gay robot. And I think he knows what the problem is…
This light feeling could be from something much bigger. Something that my mind is only allows hints of. Like the shadows of giants. Something cosmic and good. Something that makes me feel eight years old.
I shall arrange a picnic soon. None will be spared, gaze upon the terror of my picnic plans and tremble. My only regret is that Kaitlyn will not be at this picnic. She HATES to see me happy. Actually, she hates to see me period, but seeing me happy? That’s like HOT glass in her eyes.
I’M OFF!
4.02.2006
3.29.06
9:35 PM
So it’s gotten to that point in the night when I want silence in which to read my book (American Gods, totally digging it) but this here security guard is jabbering VERY LOUDLY in Spanish. Laughing in that mean way and talking louder and louder. So…I tried something I have always wanted to try. I surreptitiously reached over to the phone and dialed the Code phone (read the Bat Phone). The instant it rang, he mumbled something in Spanish into the phone and hung up. I too acted surprised and then puzzled when I got no response from the other end. Hm. Anyway, it shut him up and now I am free to enjoy my book.
Thank you, Bat Phone.
Also, today falls into the (eventual) Good Day category. I recorded my third Evergreen voiceover today as well as scored some choice NIN tickets for the June 17th show. Goodness am I stoked.
All right, enough jibber jabber, back to Bookland.
9:35 PM
So it’s gotten to that point in the night when I want silence in which to read my book (American Gods, totally digging it) but this here security guard is jabbering VERY LOUDLY in Spanish. Laughing in that mean way and talking louder and louder. So…I tried something I have always wanted to try. I surreptitiously reached over to the phone and dialed the Code phone (read the Bat Phone). The instant it rang, he mumbled something in Spanish into the phone and hung up. I too acted surprised and then puzzled when I got no response from the other end. Hm. Anyway, it shut him up and now I am free to enjoy my book.
Thank you, Bat Phone.
Also, today falls into the (eventual) Good Day category. I recorded my third Evergreen voiceover today as well as scored some choice NIN tickets for the June 17th show. Goodness am I stoked.
All right, enough jibber jabber, back to Bookland.
3.30.2006
3.30.06
4:40 PM
Had my own person al “what do you mean, ‘what?’” experience today. Although this was MUCH more professional. The guy had an actually liquor bottle, not a Snapple bottle and he also had an accomplice, wait, I’m sorry, a “4 month pregnant wife” (he made it very clear, several times that she was 4 months pregnant). I was coming back from the Laundromat with my clothes, carrying a big, heavy bag. I saw there was someone up ahead in the middle of the sidewalk so I went further over to the left so as not to bump them. Sure as sugar, as I walk past, he swerves and bumps into me. I thought nothing of it until I heard the sound of a liquor bottle hitting the ground.
Part of me knew INSTANTLY exactly what was going on, but another part of me was a bit wary. This wasn’t three big white guys in the middle of a totally empty Times Square at 4 in the morning; this was one big white guy in Harlem with a lot of gangstas keeping me in their periphery. I didn’t know how to react. Part of me wanted to grin and clap the guy on the back and say, “Been there, done that, Stinky.” But this guy was NOT having it. It went from “you broke my bottle” to “you hit me in the eye with your bag AND broke my bottle” to “you broke my bottle AND hit my in the eye with your bag AND I cut my finger on the broken bottle when I touched it trying to take it out of the bag to show you it’s really broken (thank you, Will, for putting the idea to ask him to show me the bottler into my head…)”. First he wanted me to go into the liquor store with him to buy him a new bottle of Cisco (sp) (I can’t remember what the first guy said we broke; I think it was vodka, but wouldn’t it be a kick if he also claimed it was Cisco?), then he wanted the cash equivalent ($12.50) and then he said he would “go half with me” and he asked for $6.25. Now, don’t think that he was in a jovial, bargaining mood. Oh no. He was quite the pugilist and totally unafraid of me. He was a FOOT shorter than me and was aaallll up in my grill. He yelled at me for “disrespekin’” him in front of his 4 month pregnant wife, then he started walking into to me as I was trying to walk away. Then he did The Reach and pleaded with me not to make him do something he didn’t want to do. I just kept apologizing and insisting that I was neither disrespecting him nor his beautiful 4 month pregnant wife and that I had no money sine I was just returning from doing my laundry. He asked how much I had spent on the laundry and I said 8 quarters at which point he insisted I could pay him in quarters. Anyway, eventually, his 4 month pregnant wife sort of gave him a signal and they both just left.
Soon after came the flood of should haves, could haves, would haves (just as the time before, except this time I didn’t have Phil or Will to bounce them off), a flood in which I am still caught up.
Anyway, the result of this is as follows: I am now officially a racist. This doesn’t mean I will start listening to Hatecore music (which sucks) or start wearing a hood or anything as dramatic as that, what this means is that from now on, every stereotype is guilty until proven otherwise. I can only go with what I know from MY OWN LIFE EXPIRENCE. I have had a few good experiences, hundreds of neutral experiences and several bad experiences, one which endangered Christina and resulted in a 40 ounce being thrown at my head). The bad officially outweigh the good and from this point on, I am prejudiced until I have been given reason not to be. Sorry, but every fucking action has an opposite and equally powerful reaction. This fucker called me names, accused me of injuring him and his pride and threatened me, all so he could get a few bucks off me. Proactive panhandling. Ha! At least I can’t accuse this dude of being lazy, mm? Is this because I was white? Because I was carrying a huge bag of laundry and he thought I would just say sorry, here’s some money? I have no idea. But from here on out, prove me wrong or fucking be profiled.
What a pity. I was going to post about today was such a beautiful day. Thanks, Stinky.
4:40 PM
Had my own person al “what do you mean, ‘what?’” experience today. Although this was MUCH more professional. The guy had an actually liquor bottle, not a Snapple bottle and he also had an accomplice, wait, I’m sorry, a “4 month pregnant wife” (he made it very clear, several times that she was 4 months pregnant). I was coming back from the Laundromat with my clothes, carrying a big, heavy bag. I saw there was someone up ahead in the middle of the sidewalk so I went further over to the left so as not to bump them. Sure as sugar, as I walk past, he swerves and bumps into me. I thought nothing of it until I heard the sound of a liquor bottle hitting the ground.
Part of me knew INSTANTLY exactly what was going on, but another part of me was a bit wary. This wasn’t three big white guys in the middle of a totally empty Times Square at 4 in the morning; this was one big white guy in Harlem with a lot of gangstas keeping me in their periphery. I didn’t know how to react. Part of me wanted to grin and clap the guy on the back and say, “Been there, done that, Stinky.” But this guy was NOT having it. It went from “you broke my bottle” to “you hit me in the eye with your bag AND broke my bottle” to “you broke my bottle AND hit my in the eye with your bag AND I cut my finger on the broken bottle when I touched it trying to take it out of the bag to show you it’s really broken (thank you, Will, for putting the idea to ask him to show me the bottler into my head…)”. First he wanted me to go into the liquor store with him to buy him a new bottle of Cisco (sp) (I can’t remember what the first guy said we broke; I think it was vodka, but wouldn’t it be a kick if he also claimed it was Cisco?), then he wanted the cash equivalent ($12.50) and then he said he would “go half with me” and he asked for $6.25. Now, don’t think that he was in a jovial, bargaining mood. Oh no. He was quite the pugilist and totally unafraid of me. He was a FOOT shorter than me and was aaallll up in my grill. He yelled at me for “disrespekin’” him in front of his 4 month pregnant wife, then he started walking into to me as I was trying to walk away. Then he did The Reach and pleaded with me not to make him do something he didn’t want to do. I just kept apologizing and insisting that I was neither disrespecting him nor his beautiful 4 month pregnant wife and that I had no money sine I was just returning from doing my laundry. He asked how much I had spent on the laundry and I said 8 quarters at which point he insisted I could pay him in quarters. Anyway, eventually, his 4 month pregnant wife sort of gave him a signal and they both just left.
Soon after came the flood of should haves, could haves, would haves (just as the time before, except this time I didn’t have Phil or Will to bounce them off), a flood in which I am still caught up.
Anyway, the result of this is as follows: I am now officially a racist. This doesn’t mean I will start listening to Hatecore music (which sucks) or start wearing a hood or anything as dramatic as that, what this means is that from now on, every stereotype is guilty until proven otherwise. I can only go with what I know from MY OWN LIFE EXPIRENCE. I have had a few good experiences, hundreds of neutral experiences and several bad experiences, one which endangered Christina and resulted in a 40 ounce being thrown at my head). The bad officially outweigh the good and from this point on, I am prejudiced until I have been given reason not to be. Sorry, but every fucking action has an opposite and equally powerful reaction. This fucker called me names, accused me of injuring him and his pride and threatened me, all so he could get a few bucks off me. Proactive panhandling. Ha! At least I can’t accuse this dude of being lazy, mm? Is this because I was white? Because I was carrying a huge bag of laundry and he thought I would just say sorry, here’s some money? I have no idea. But from here on out, prove me wrong or fucking be profiled.
What a pity. I was going to post about today was such a beautiful day. Thanks, Stinky.
3.28.2006
Semprini?
3.28.06
9:15 PM
Oh ho! I was quite the tricky devil today, I tell you!! After my morning audition for something called Cablevision (I fucking loathe Cablevision auditions) I was ready to be a depressive asshole ALL DAY until it was Hospital time. BUT I tricked myself into going to swim instead. I remembered that I had switched part of my shift with another operator so I didn’t go on until 5pm. I realized that swimming at 11:32 am was totally feasible…and I did so. In fact, I did a hooty poo more than that…
I took my regiment from 70 to 80 laps (to see if my body could handle it/tell the difference) and that went great, then I enjoyed a steam and a stretch in the Totally Hetero Steam Room (not to be confused with the Hyper GAIDS in Your Poop Chute Steam Room…NEVER to be confused with that one…oooooh no, not unless you want to open your brown eye in terrible, piercing surprise…) after which I had a pleasant (and also totally hetero) shower in the Totally Hetero Shower Room. I then had my shoes shined (yes, there is a Shoe Shine Boy enlisted at the New York Athletic Club (I’m sure to no one’s surprise)) and met up with Chris for Dog Bottling and lunch. I had a large lunch. Tres grand. Very tres grand. While I was waiting for Chris to return the celebrity dog to its handlers I stopped into a nearby Tower Records and blew some money on Peaches’ “Fatherfucker” and Prince’s “Lovesexy”. I figured if I am to truly enjoy Peaches when I see her (against my will) in June, I should know her stuff. “Fatherfucker” is her second album and, although it won’t be showing up as a Short List nominee any time soon, it is a far cry better than her first album It is still simple and vulgar, but there is some sort of dirty complexity to it that was absent from her first “effort”. As far as “Lovesexy”? Well, as a man who uses that to describe himself, I feel like I should own the album for which the term was coined. Also, I don’t own NEARLY enough Prince albums.
Going back to the June NIN concert for a moment, tomorrow is the super advanced fan club pre-sale (which will last about three minutes). It starts at noon sharp and I have another Evergreen Financial voiceover booked from 9 am to 11am. I am INCREDIBLY worried I will not make it back to my PC in time but I have my trusty sister as a backup. If she sleeps through my call, she will not live to see her next Birthday. This last leg of the tour (early June to 7/09) will be the last NIN tour in the U.S. for a while (said Trent Reznor in a recent post) and he assures everyone that they will not be disappointed when they come to see it. I caught one show from the first leg (sort of a “getting used to the new material” leg, nothing major as far as production), one from the second (100% perfect in every way), missed this current (third) leg (mostly bumblefuck towns scattered around the U.S.) and I plan to catch the nearest one to me on this fourth and final leg. In fucking Long Island’s Jones Beach Amphitheater. Fucking asshole tour booking agent. Camden, NJ, Long Island, NY and Saratoga, NY. Yeah. Good one. Anyway, I’m not like those people that see the five (or twelve) shows nearest them. I like to have one night, one image in my head with which to associate the current live interpretation of the band. According to the chick from the production house (Paula Satorius…LOVE that fucking name, like a Bond villainess…) we’re booked from 9 to 11 so I should have an hour to get from Broadway between 49th and 50th to my home. I am planning on taxiing like a ‘mofugger jet plane and (I’ve always wanted to do this) telling the driver there’s an extra five or ten in it for him if he gets me there by 11:50. Actually, that reminds me, I have to hit the ATM before I leave for the studio tomorrow. Hang on, I’m going to do that now…
10:00 PM
Iight. All set. Just a note for you all that read this and that gave me checks, a lot of them are going to clear my account tomorrow and one is going to clear Thursday. The down payment ($750) will be deducted very soon (probably this week) and then the rest after that. I don’t know if I have told you all about this vision I had or not but; I see myself making a HUGE breakfast of eggs and bacon and cantaloupe for everyone in the house. Gia will be bringing her Waffle Maker so, that’s sexy. As far as beds and who is sleeping where goes, refer to my earlier entry (somewhere on this page) for the order of confirmation and bed preferences. There are four bedrooms (two with queens and two with two twins) and a queen sofa bed. We can go by the list, or we can work out who goes where when we all get together. The only two couples are Chris and I and Lauren and Ray (but they will not be able to stay the whole seven days, maybe four or so) so anyone with a problem with the sleeping arrangements can switch with them when they vacate. Also, we are/aren’t expecting four other people (Will, Jen, Lisa and Leah) who might be able to crash in, on or around the extra bed(s) if everyone wants to stay where they started. Again, bring your own beach towels, linens (bed sheets, pillow cases etc.) and condoms. Any condoms given out by me will be covered in sand, inside and out (if you’re into that, call me later), you have been warned.
I think I am done here…
9:15 PM
Oh ho! I was quite the tricky devil today, I tell you!! After my morning audition for something called Cablevision (I fucking loathe Cablevision auditions) I was ready to be a depressive asshole ALL DAY until it was Hospital time. BUT I tricked myself into going to swim instead. I remembered that I had switched part of my shift with another operator so I didn’t go on until 5pm. I realized that swimming at 11:32 am was totally feasible…and I did so. In fact, I did a hooty poo more than that…
I took my regiment from 70 to 80 laps (to see if my body could handle it/tell the difference) and that went great, then I enjoyed a steam and a stretch in the Totally Hetero Steam Room (not to be confused with the Hyper GAIDS in Your Poop Chute Steam Room…NEVER to be confused with that one…oooooh no, not unless you want to open your brown eye in terrible, piercing surprise…) after which I had a pleasant (and also totally hetero) shower in the Totally Hetero Shower Room. I then had my shoes shined (yes, there is a Shoe Shine Boy enlisted at the New York Athletic Club (I’m sure to no one’s surprise)) and met up with Chris for Dog Bottling and lunch. I had a large lunch. Tres grand. Very tres grand. While I was waiting for Chris to return the celebrity dog to its handlers I stopped into a nearby Tower Records and blew some money on Peaches’ “Fatherfucker” and Prince’s “Lovesexy”. I figured if I am to truly enjoy Peaches when I see her (against my will) in June, I should know her stuff. “Fatherfucker” is her second album and, although it won’t be showing up as a Short List nominee any time soon, it is a far cry better than her first album It is still simple and vulgar, but there is some sort of dirty complexity to it that was absent from her first “effort”. As far as “Lovesexy”? Well, as a man who uses that to describe himself, I feel like I should own the album for which the term was coined. Also, I don’t own NEARLY enough Prince albums.
Going back to the June NIN concert for a moment, tomorrow is the super advanced fan club pre-sale (which will last about three minutes). It starts at noon sharp and I have another Evergreen Financial voiceover booked from 9 am to 11am. I am INCREDIBLY worried I will not make it back to my PC in time but I have my trusty sister as a backup. If she sleeps through my call, she will not live to see her next Birthday. This last leg of the tour (early June to 7/09) will be the last NIN tour in the U.S. for a while (said Trent Reznor in a recent post) and he assures everyone that they will not be disappointed when they come to see it. I caught one show from the first leg (sort of a “getting used to the new material” leg, nothing major as far as production), one from the second (100% perfect in every way), missed this current (third) leg (mostly bumblefuck towns scattered around the U.S.) and I plan to catch the nearest one to me on this fourth and final leg. In fucking Long Island’s Jones Beach Amphitheater. Fucking asshole tour booking agent. Camden, NJ, Long Island, NY and Saratoga, NY. Yeah. Good one. Anyway, I’m not like those people that see the five (or twelve) shows nearest them. I like to have one night, one image in my head with which to associate the current live interpretation of the band. According to the chick from the production house (Paula Satorius…LOVE that fucking name, like a Bond villainess…) we’re booked from 9 to 11 so I should have an hour to get from Broadway between 49th and 50th to my home. I am planning on taxiing like a ‘mofugger jet plane and (I’ve always wanted to do this) telling the driver there’s an extra five or ten in it for him if he gets me there by 11:50. Actually, that reminds me, I have to hit the ATM before I leave for the studio tomorrow. Hang on, I’m going to do that now…
10:00 PM
Iight. All set. Just a note for you all that read this and that gave me checks, a lot of them are going to clear my account tomorrow and one is going to clear Thursday. The down payment ($750) will be deducted very soon (probably this week) and then the rest after that. I don’t know if I have told you all about this vision I had or not but; I see myself making a HUGE breakfast of eggs and bacon and cantaloupe for everyone in the house. Gia will be bringing her Waffle Maker so, that’s sexy. As far as beds and who is sleeping where goes, refer to my earlier entry (somewhere on this page) for the order of confirmation and bed preferences. There are four bedrooms (two with queens and two with two twins) and a queen sofa bed. We can go by the list, or we can work out who goes where when we all get together. The only two couples are Chris and I and Lauren and Ray (but they will not be able to stay the whole seven days, maybe four or so) so anyone with a problem with the sleeping arrangements can switch with them when they vacate. Also, we are/aren’t expecting four other people (Will, Jen, Lisa and Leah) who might be able to crash in, on or around the extra bed(s) if everyone wants to stay where they started. Again, bring your own beach towels, linens (bed sheets, pillow cases etc.) and condoms. Any condoms given out by me will be covered in sand, inside and out (if you’re into that, call me later), you have been warned.
I think I am done here…
3.27.2006
Never mind
3.27.06
3:27 PM
Nine Inch Nails just announced yesterday that they are planning on recording their 3/28 and 3/30 shows in HD for a possible DVD release. I wish he hadn’t. Now I’m going to be drooling with expectation for the next three years (or however long it takes those slow fuckers to compile two nights and three hours worth of footage). Sigh. IF they like the footage (since Reznor is an annoyingly perfectionistic artist) it could be years before we see a release date (which is as solid as taffy until you are holding it in your hands) and another few months before it is released.
The last live DVD (which was really excellent) took two years between the end of the tour and its release. As far as extra features, it wasn’t as laden with as much stuff as fans wanted (but that isn’t saying much), but it was decent. Three promotional spots, the live performance of “Starfuckers, Inc.” with Marilyn Manson at Mason Square Garden, a “hidden” live video for the song “Reptile” which, for some reason, wasn’t included (I guess it would be considered a deleted scene or something along those lines). There was also the option to lock the camera into place for the multimedia portion of the show (three thirty-foot LCD screens rotating down from the ceiling) and there was a commentary track by the creator of the video footage. The most interesting bonus feature was a combination music video and live video for “The Day The World Went Away”. This was the first single from the album this show was supporting (“The Fragile”) and there was originally going to be a full fledged music video for it, but it was cancelled by Reznor because he thought it was “stupid and shitty”. What they did for the DVD was use the existing footage they shot for the music video and edited it together and then, at the climax of the song, switched over to the live video. It was interesting to see and made all the fans weep for the original video that was never to be. Along with all the above stuff, there was also a photo gallery.
It was an excellent release and I hope that this new one just tops the hell out of it. They regularly play eight of the thirteen tracks on the new album (and three they occasionally play) and I would be happy with all but one, plus they’ve been playing four or five tracks they haven’t played since their tour in ‘94. Then there are the six or seven staples that sound new thanks to an all new band interpreting them. There are also six or seven miscellaneous songs that are from random eras that they rotate to make the show feel fresh for obsessed fans that see three or four shows in a row.
All in all they have enough new and reinterpreted material to make an excellent DVD but even if they half-ass it I’ll still buy the fucker. That is what it means to be dedicated, obsessed
(but only like a 4 on the Obsession Scale, not like a 7 or 8) and bored.
On a totally different subject: the Silent Hill movie. Man that looks good. Don’t fuck this up, Gans.
3:27 PM
Nine Inch Nails just announced yesterday that they are planning on recording their 3/28 and 3/30 shows in HD for a possible DVD release. I wish he hadn’t. Now I’m going to be drooling with expectation for the next three years (or however long it takes those slow fuckers to compile two nights and three hours worth of footage). Sigh. IF they like the footage (since Reznor is an annoyingly perfectionistic artist) it could be years before we see a release date (which is as solid as taffy until you are holding it in your hands) and another few months before it is released.
The last live DVD (which was really excellent) took two years between the end of the tour and its release. As far as extra features, it wasn’t as laden with as much stuff as fans wanted (but that isn’t saying much), but it was decent. Three promotional spots, the live performance of “Starfuckers, Inc.” with Marilyn Manson at Mason Square Garden, a “hidden” live video for the song “Reptile” which, for some reason, wasn’t included (I guess it would be considered a deleted scene or something along those lines). There was also the option to lock the camera into place for the multimedia portion of the show (three thirty-foot LCD screens rotating down from the ceiling) and there was a commentary track by the creator of the video footage. The most interesting bonus feature was a combination music video and live video for “The Day The World Went Away”. This was the first single from the album this show was supporting (“The Fragile”) and there was originally going to be a full fledged music video for it, but it was cancelled by Reznor because he thought it was “stupid and shitty”. What they did for the DVD was use the existing footage they shot for the music video and edited it together and then, at the climax of the song, switched over to the live video. It was interesting to see and made all the fans weep for the original video that was never to be. Along with all the above stuff, there was also a photo gallery.
It was an excellent release and I hope that this new one just tops the hell out of it. They regularly play eight of the thirteen tracks on the new album (and three they occasionally play) and I would be happy with all but one, plus they’ve been playing four or five tracks they haven’t played since their tour in ‘94. Then there are the six or seven staples that sound new thanks to an all new band interpreting them. There are also six or seven miscellaneous songs that are from random eras that they rotate to make the show feel fresh for obsessed fans that see three or four shows in a row.
All in all they have enough new and reinterpreted material to make an excellent DVD but even if they half-ass it I’ll still buy the fucker. That is what it means to be dedicated, obsessed
(but only like a 4 on the Obsession Scale, not like a 7 or 8) and bored.
On a totally different subject: the Silent Hill movie. Man that looks good. Don’t fuck this up, Gans.
3.25.2006
3.24.2006
RIGHT CLAW SOUTH!!!!
3.24.06
3:30 PM
Where oh where has my little dog gone?
Oh! Where oh where has he gone?!
So far I am being driven batshit insane.
The phone and board have NOT STOPPED and NONE of the calls have been from people I know or want to talk to. I did NOT sign up for this! I signed up in order to read books, watch movies, listen to music, write inflammatory bits of drivel and get paid lots of money for it. Damn Skippy! Hooty HOOOOOO! Uhn! Muneh muneh muneh mu-NAAAAAY! Hooty hooty HOOOOOOOO!!! If Owl Boy were a gangsta, he would sound like that. Hooty HOOOOOOO~~~~ Hey! Check it out, a tilda!! I just heart tildes! What in the fizzing fuck does a tilda do? Some sort of computer thing I assume.
I’m thinking of getting a tattoo. A small (size of a quarter) circle on my left arm. Not sure where exactly, but the arm for sure.
Found out yesterday that Trent Reznor has decided on Peaches to open (along with Bauhaus) for the second half of the new tour. I’m only a bit familiar with her music and I recognized her song from “Lost in Translation” in the strip club (“Suckin’ on my titties like you want me to cum…”) but I had not heard more than that. Lauren played me a bit more and she’s sort of like Lords of Acid with less talent… and a lot more ugly. She is as ugly as sin. Ugly sin, not like lust or some other attractive sin. And you know how some people aren’t very attractive, but they’re personality makes up for that? Or they aren’t attractive but they pretend to have a lot of self confidence so no one will notice? No. Not in this case. Her, her personality and her misconstrued sense of self confidence are as ugly as sin. Really nasty, slutty sin.
And she is opening (along with the Bauhaus) for Nine Inch Nails.
Jesus Fucking Christ is this going to be a memorable show.
***********************************************************
Also, I just found out that eels is having a free EELS HEARTS NY concert (in appriciation for the success of thir "Live at Town Hall" CD and DVD) Tuesday, June 13th at the World Financial Plaza. If you can't afford this, go move to Russiaaaaaa...
3:30 PM
Where oh where has my little dog gone?
Oh! Where oh where has he gone?!
So far I am being driven batshit insane.
The phone and board have NOT STOPPED and NONE of the calls have been from people I know or want to talk to. I did NOT sign up for this! I signed up in order to read books, watch movies, listen to music, write inflammatory bits of drivel and get paid lots of money for it. Damn Skippy! Hooty HOOOOOO! Uhn! Muneh muneh muneh mu-NAAAAAY! Hooty hooty HOOOOOOOO!!! If Owl Boy were a gangsta, he would sound like that. Hooty HOOOOOOO~~~~ Hey! Check it out, a tilda!! I just heart tildes! What in the fizzing fuck does a tilda do? Some sort of computer thing I assume.
I’m thinking of getting a tattoo. A small (size of a quarter) circle on my left arm. Not sure where exactly, but the arm for sure.
Found out yesterday that Trent Reznor has decided on Peaches to open (along with Bauhaus) for the second half of the new tour. I’m only a bit familiar with her music and I recognized her song from “Lost in Translation” in the strip club (“Suckin’ on my titties like you want me to cum…”) but I had not heard more than that. Lauren played me a bit more and she’s sort of like Lords of Acid with less talent… and a lot more ugly. She is as ugly as sin. Ugly sin, not like lust or some other attractive sin. And you know how some people aren’t very attractive, but they’re personality makes up for that? Or they aren’t attractive but they pretend to have a lot of self confidence so no one will notice? No. Not in this case. Her, her personality and her misconstrued sense of self confidence are as ugly as sin. Really nasty, slutty sin.
And she is opening (along with the Bauhaus) for Nine Inch Nails.
Jesus Fucking Christ is this going to be a memorable show.
***********************************************************
Also, I just found out that eels is having a free EELS HEARTS NY concert (in appriciation for the success of thir "Live at Town Hall" CD and DVD) Tuesday, June 13th at the World Financial Plaza. If you can't afford this, go move to Russiaaaaaa...
3.23.2006
Mmmmmmm......
3.23.06
4:50 PM
I feel sexy today. Like Brad Majors in the Floorshow sexy. I want my mother to know how sexy I feel. I want to send my father brochures on how to feel this sexy. I want to write members of my local government and tell them (with a mathematic preciseness) just how sexy I feel.
But they wouldn’t understand.
Only I understand.
Me and Prince.
Like peas in a VERY sexy pod.
4:50 PM
I feel sexy today. Like Brad Majors in the Floorshow sexy. I want my mother to know how sexy I feel. I want to send my father brochures on how to feel this sexy. I want to write members of my local government and tell them (with a mathematic preciseness) just how sexy I feel.
But they wouldn’t understand.
Only I understand.
Me and Prince.
Like peas in a VERY sexy pod.
3.22.2006
Rappenin' is what's happenin'
3.22.06
8:24 PM
I just saw one of those old “anti-drug” ads and it featured some chick talking about pot being bad. The thing is she was in a Laundromat. As in the photographer used a Laundromat as a background. What the fuck does that mean? Is there a certain demographic of chicks that hang out and smoke pot in Laundromats? God danm. I’m never washing my clothes again.
Philip has officially returned home to Miami. Punch and pie will be served.
10:45 PM
Just saw another old “anti-drug” thing in which, basically, a bunch of surfers stated they would “never think about smoking pot”.
*Sigh*
My “anti-drug” is actually believing that surfers don’t smoke pot. That’s what gives me strength.
Jesus.
8:24 PM
I just saw one of those old “anti-drug” ads and it featured some chick talking about pot being bad. The thing is she was in a Laundromat. As in the photographer used a Laundromat as a background. What the fuck does that mean? Is there a certain demographic of chicks that hang out and smoke pot in Laundromats? God danm. I’m never washing my clothes again.
Philip has officially returned home to Miami. Punch and pie will be served.
10:45 PM
Just saw another old “anti-drug” thing in which, basically, a bunch of surfers stated they would “never think about smoking pot”.
*Sigh*
My “anti-drug” is actually believing that surfers don’t smoke pot. That’s what gives me strength.
Jesus.
3.22.06
3:18 PM
The people here are, for the most part, so fucking banal I feel like a chartered accountant. When they aren’t reading right out of “The Great Big Fucking Annoying Book of Office Clichés” they’re just…actually, no, they’re only ever reading out of the aforementioned book.
“Wow, can you BELIEVE this weather?!”, “If THEY listened to me, things would be a LOT better here”, “I swear I’m going to quit unless ________, I swear!” (this one repeated at least 16 times a week for 8 to 36 years), “Boy oh boy I wish it was Friday!” etc. There are also person-specific catchphrases which are made worse by the personalization; specific annoying things that specific annoying people constantly spew.
However, it isn’t these workplace chestnuts that really bother me; it’s when two or more of these gasbags get together and just start bouncing the Mundane Chatter Ball back and forth. They’re like Furbies: chittering and hissing at each other about “man, this job is NUTS! I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” (waves hands over their head) “Whoa! Don’t you quit without me! I’m coming TOO!” (points rapidly between them and the first one with wide “comical” eyes) “Hang on! Let me start copying my RESUME!!!!” (third one takes random piece of paper they are holding and turns in direction of the copier) (they all laugh) Click. Then they wander off to their respective posts and wait for some other dissident to stumble over and start the whole shit over again. Like bad NPC’s in a rushed and shoddy video game that no one will purposely buy.
There was a time when Phil was living here when he might have gotten a job in my department. THAT would have been pure rock since I’ve never worked (in the professional sense) with a friend.
Ye gods.
Anyway.
Anyway high-fived Nick Lachey stuck a pin in Jessica’s head and walked away…
I purchased Neil Gaiman’s American Gods and his and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens (which was to become a movie directed by Terry Gilliam but fell through). It’s about time I read these. And if I dig these like dirt, I will check out Anansi Boys.
Totally unrelated (not really, there is a Gilliam connection), I watched 12 Monkeys last night for the first time in almost ten years and I totally got it this time. I love this movie. Anyone who thinks Bruce Willis is one dimensional should see this film. And anyone who STILL doesn’t respect Brad Pitt as a varied actor should also check it out. Gilliam in top form.
Yargh.
Fucking working.
I could have gone to a Prodigy concert tonight…
3:18 PM
The people here are, for the most part, so fucking banal I feel like a chartered accountant. When they aren’t reading right out of “The Great Big Fucking Annoying Book of Office Clichés” they’re just…actually, no, they’re only ever reading out of the aforementioned book.
“Wow, can you BELIEVE this weather?!”, “If THEY listened to me, things would be a LOT better here”, “I swear I’m going to quit unless ________, I swear!” (this one repeated at least 16 times a week for 8 to 36 years), “Boy oh boy I wish it was Friday!” etc. There are also person-specific catchphrases which are made worse by the personalization; specific annoying things that specific annoying people constantly spew.
However, it isn’t these workplace chestnuts that really bother me; it’s when two or more of these gasbags get together and just start bouncing the Mundane Chatter Ball back and forth. They’re like Furbies: chittering and hissing at each other about “man, this job is NUTS! I can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” (waves hands over their head) “Whoa! Don’t you quit without me! I’m coming TOO!” (points rapidly between them and the first one with wide “comical” eyes) “Hang on! Let me start copying my RESUME!!!!” (third one takes random piece of paper they are holding and turns in direction of the copier) (they all laugh) Click. Then they wander off to their respective posts and wait for some other dissident to stumble over and start the whole shit over again. Like bad NPC’s in a rushed and shoddy video game that no one will purposely buy.
There was a time when Phil was living here when he might have gotten a job in my department. THAT would have been pure rock since I’ve never worked (in the professional sense) with a friend.
Ye gods.
Anyway.
Anyway high-fived Nick Lachey stuck a pin in Jessica’s head and walked away…
I purchased Neil Gaiman’s American Gods and his and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omens (which was to become a movie directed by Terry Gilliam but fell through). It’s about time I read these. And if I dig these like dirt, I will check out Anansi Boys.
Totally unrelated (not really, there is a Gilliam connection), I watched 12 Monkeys last night for the first time in almost ten years and I totally got it this time. I love this movie. Anyone who thinks Bruce Willis is one dimensional should see this film. And anyone who STILL doesn’t respect Brad Pitt as a varied actor should also check it out. Gilliam in top form.
Yargh.
Fucking working.
I could have gone to a Prodigy concert tonight…
3.20.2006
Rejoice, my milquetoast babies!!!
3.20.06
7:20 PM
What the fuck is going on?! It’s like the goddamn beginning of Winter out here!
It’s too cold to be March.
On the good side though, last night I saw People Are Wrong with Mel, Christina Nongirlfriend and Dorothy and since we just happened to sit right next to Robin’s (one of the writers and the wife of John Flansburgh) parents, she came right over at the end of the show. I sat there awkwardly hoping that she wouldn’t think I had intentionally sat by her parents (something I did accidentally at an earlier performance of PAW) until she looked over and say, “Oh! Hi…Paul, right?” Then things got a little less creepy. And part of me thinks the whole “does she think I’m a stalker” thing is moot since she’s seen me in “Lysistrada: The Musical” and since we ran into each other at that Crispin (Hellion) Glover movie thing (that was a singularly weird experience made even weirder by the fact that John Flansburgh’s wife was there, sitting right behind me.).
Anyway, I found out that the reason they were doing PAW at Joe’s Pub was to get in shape for the recording of the official studio version in a week or two. I have been waiting for that since I first saw this back in the Summer of 2003. So that totally rocks.
Another thing that rocks is my doublefat check from the Capitol Lighting thing has come in and I’m picking that up n Wednesday or so.
PLUS the shoot on Saturday went fucking awesome and, according to Ray, we have some amazing footage.
On top of all this, Berger Realty sent the lease and I have sent the down payment for BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX. We are locked in, friends. Start your anticipation.
Aside from the 10 Big Shots who will definitely in attendance, we might be visited by the four ghosts of I-Couldn’t-Commit-For-Some-Reason-Or-Another-mas: Lisa (of whom 74% is actually, legally owned by the Japanese), Jen (intimidated by cooperate thugs), Leah (under the influence of Derek) and Will (victim of Hyper X-Prize GAIDS). Our home will have four bedrooms, two with two twin beds, two with a queen each and a queen sized sofa bed. Sex is freely encouraged as is sleeping in the ocean. According to the lease, this house DOES NOT provide linens or towels or anything (apparently that is a house by house basis) so bring your own towels, bathing things, shampoos and soaps, blankets, sheets etc. Don’t freak out if you forget something because you can always nip down to the nearest (chain store where these things are readily available) and get a placebo. God damn is this exciting! I have a beach boner that will last until the first of July at least. I have “The Big Chill” arriving from Netflix in a few days. I am considering on formulating our trip around the plot and events of this movie. Who wants to commit suicide? Actually, never mind, I don’t want to lay any of the stress on you. I’ll handle it.
7:20 PM
What the fuck is going on?! It’s like the goddamn beginning of Winter out here!
It’s too cold to be March.
On the good side though, last night I saw People Are Wrong with Mel, Christina Nongirlfriend and Dorothy and since we just happened to sit right next to Robin’s (one of the writers and the wife of John Flansburgh) parents, she came right over at the end of the show. I sat there awkwardly hoping that she wouldn’t think I had intentionally sat by her parents (something I did accidentally at an earlier performance of PAW) until she looked over and say, “Oh! Hi…Paul, right?” Then things got a little less creepy. And part of me thinks the whole “does she think I’m a stalker” thing is moot since she’s seen me in “Lysistrada: The Musical” and since we ran into each other at that Crispin (Hellion) Glover movie thing (that was a singularly weird experience made even weirder by the fact that John Flansburgh’s wife was there, sitting right behind me.).
Anyway, I found out that the reason they were doing PAW at Joe’s Pub was to get in shape for the recording of the official studio version in a week or two. I have been waiting for that since I first saw this back in the Summer of 2003. So that totally rocks.
Another thing that rocks is my doublefat check from the Capitol Lighting thing has come in and I’m picking that up n Wednesday or so.
PLUS the shoot on Saturday went fucking awesome and, according to Ray, we have some amazing footage.
On top of all this, Berger Realty sent the lease and I have sent the down payment for BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX. We are locked in, friends. Start your anticipation.
Aside from the 10 Big Shots who will definitely in attendance, we might be visited by the four ghosts of I-Couldn’t-Commit-For-Some-Reason-Or-Another-mas: Lisa (of whom 74% is actually, legally owned by the Japanese), Jen (intimidated by cooperate thugs), Leah (under the influence of Derek) and Will (victim of Hyper X-Prize GAIDS). Our home will have four bedrooms, two with two twin beds, two with a queen each and a queen sized sofa bed. Sex is freely encouraged as is sleeping in the ocean. According to the lease, this house DOES NOT provide linens or towels or anything (apparently that is a house by house basis) so bring your own towels, bathing things, shampoos and soaps, blankets, sheets etc. Don’t freak out if you forget something because you can always nip down to the nearest (chain store where these things are readily available) and get a placebo. God damn is this exciting! I have a beach boner that will last until the first of July at least. I have “The Big Chill” arriving from Netflix in a few days. I am considering on formulating our trip around the plot and events of this movie. Who wants to commit suicide? Actually, never mind, I don’t want to lay any of the stress on you. I’ll handle it.
3.15.2006
3.15.06
10:10 PM
I just finished The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin. Excellent book. It’s about sleep, dreaming and the thinness of reality. I feel a bit beat since I’ve been swimming and all that so my mind isn’t really up to a comprehensive review, but I highly recommend it. Very interesting stuff. It also has one of the most beautiful passages in it. It’s from Victor Hugo’s Travailleurs de la Mer (Workers of the Sea). Since I have nothing but time and burning eyes on my hands, I will share it with you.
About six months before it was finished (mid to late 2005), Trent Reznor had planned to call his new album “bleed through” and it was to deal with certain aspects of one reality “bleeding through” into others and it was to capture that concept in its sound. He threw out the idea in favor of a “drug recovery” album, but he kept a lot of the “reality is not real” stuff. On the website around the time “With Teeth” (the new album’s eventual title) was still “bleed through” the official Nine Inch Nails web site had quotes and bits and pieces from The Lathe of Heaven scattered around it. After reading this book, there’s this whole new depth to the NIN album but I still want to ask Reznor what the connection (if any) there actually is between the book and the album.
Speaking of which, NIN s playing at Jones Beach Saturday, June 17th (or whatever Saturday that is) and since Christina can’t go (Woman’s Group thing) I will have an extra ticket. Mind you, this is not merely a ticket to a Nine Inch Nails show, this is a ticket to the sound check (Nine Inch Nails plays three or four songs for an audience of fifty or so) and band meet and greet (go on, tell Trent you think he looks like Trevor) plus early admission to the venue. I plan to take my place at the very back of the pit (no hustle, no bustle and the PERFECT view of the whole show) so anyone interested, let me know. I think it’s like $65 or so. Honestly, I think Ray and Dorothy might be the only people interested in going, but I’m letting it swing up here in case anyone is interested.
My relief is here. Time to fizz…….
10:10 PM
I just finished The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin. Excellent book. It’s about sleep, dreaming and the thinness of reality. I feel a bit beat since I’ve been swimming and all that so my mind isn’t really up to a comprehensive review, but I highly recommend it. Very interesting stuff. It also has one of the most beautiful passages in it. It’s from Victor Hugo’s Travailleurs de la Mer (Workers of the Sea). Since I have nothing but time and burning eyes on my hands, I will share it with you.
“Daydream, which is to thought as the nebula is to the star, boarders on sleep, and is concerned with it as its frontier. An atmosphere inhabited by living transparencies: there’s a beginning of the unknown. But beyond it the Possible opens out, immense. Other beings, other facts, are there. No supernaturalism, only the occult continuation of infinite nature.…Sleep is in contact with the Possible, which we also call the improbable. The world of the night is a world. Night, as night, is a universe….The dark things of the unknown world become neighbors of man, whether by true communication or by a visionary enlargement of the distances of the abyss…and the sleeper, not quite seeing, not quite unconscious, glimpses the strange animalities, weird vegetations, terrible or radiant pallors, ghosts, masks, figures, hydras, confusions, moonless moonlights, obscure unmakings of miracle, growths and vanishings within a murky depth, shapes floating in shadow, the whole mystery which we call Dreaming, and which is nothing other than the approach of an invisible reality. The dream is the aquarium of Night.”
About six months before it was finished (mid to late 2005), Trent Reznor had planned to call his new album “bleed through” and it was to deal with certain aspects of one reality “bleeding through” into others and it was to capture that concept in its sound. He threw out the idea in favor of a “drug recovery” album, but he kept a lot of the “reality is not real” stuff. On the website around the time “With Teeth” (the new album’s eventual title) was still “bleed through” the official Nine Inch Nails web site had quotes and bits and pieces from The Lathe of Heaven scattered around it. After reading this book, there’s this whole new depth to the NIN album but I still want to ask Reznor what the connection (if any) there actually is between the book and the album.
Speaking of which, NIN s playing at Jones Beach Saturday, June 17th (or whatever Saturday that is) and since Christina can’t go (Woman’s Group thing) I will have an extra ticket. Mind you, this is not merely a ticket to a Nine Inch Nails show, this is a ticket to the sound check (Nine Inch Nails plays three or four songs for an audience of fifty or so) and band meet and greet (go on, tell Trent you think he looks like Trevor) plus early admission to the venue. I plan to take my place at the very back of the pit (no hustle, no bustle and the PERFECT view of the whole show) so anyone interested, let me know. I think it’s like $65 or so. Honestly, I think Ray and Dorothy might be the only people interested in going, but I’m letting it swing up here in case anyone is interested.
My relief is here. Time to fizz…….
3.13.2006
Ladies and gentlemen...announcing, for the first time EVER...
BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX!!!
I am calling the realtor tomorrow and by the end of this week we will be locked in like angry beavers!! Also before the end of the week I will have collected your checks (made out to me) for $220 ($2200 for the week without taxes taken into account, so you might need to kick in a few more bucks, but $220 is the entry fee and obviously none of them will be cashed until things are totally finalized).
Starting Saturday, June 24th running until Saturday, July 1st, we will be in control of the 2nd floor of 1135 Central Street, Ocean City, NJ. Amenities include three televisions, DVD/VCRs, washer/dryer, dishwasher, microwave, ceiling fans, A/C, a patio, a roof top deck, an outside shower, garage and more.
24 Hour Party People (in order of confirmation):
Paul the Tall
Christina the Girlfriend
Becca the Birthday Lesbian
Alan the Dark Bellboy
Gia the Obelisk
Lauren the Psychotherapist
Ray the Unnameable
Christina the Nongirlfriend
Dorothy the Hamilton of Holscher
Mel of the Gibson
Will and Jen are STILL not sure (they have the most serious and binding jobs of all of us aside from me) so if they are able they might swing up for a few days of floor sleeping and general insults hurled by us. Anyway, expect me at your respective door some time this week looking for checks.
Oooooh, I can practically feel the sand in my bunghole...
BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX!!!
I am calling the realtor tomorrow and by the end of this week we will be locked in like angry beavers!! Also before the end of the week I will have collected your checks (made out to me) for $220 ($2200 for the week without taxes taken into account, so you might need to kick in a few more bucks, but $220 is the entry fee and obviously none of them will be cashed until things are totally finalized).
Starting Saturday, June 24th running until Saturday, July 1st, we will be in control of the 2nd floor of 1135 Central Street, Ocean City, NJ. Amenities include three televisions, DVD/VCRs, washer/dryer, dishwasher, microwave, ceiling fans, A/C, a patio, a roof top deck, an outside shower, garage and more.
24 Hour Party People (in order of confirmation):
Paul the Tall
Christina the Girlfriend
Becca the Birthday Lesbian
Alan the Dark Bellboy
Gia the Obelisk
Lauren the Psychotherapist
Ray the Unnameable
Christina the Nongirlfriend
Dorothy the Hamilton of Holscher
Mel of the Gibson
Will and Jen are STILL not sure (they have the most serious and binding jobs of all of us aside from me) so if they are able they might swing up for a few days of floor sleeping and general insults hurled by us. Anyway, expect me at your respective door some time this week looking for checks.
Oooooh, I can practically feel the sand in my bunghole...
3.10.2006
3.09.2006
I'm tired of the old shit, let the new shit begin...
3.6.06
4:05 PM
I'm having a bad day, but I just made myself laugh. I'm at work and I was reflecting on how bad of a day this is. A patient rings their bell and I respond "Someone is on their way to..." and then I pause. I almost said, "to destroy you" instead of "to assist you". And that's the kind of day this is.
8:11 PM
My day was greatly improved by cheese enchiladas.
3.9.06
9:19 PM
"Bacon is the food of joy."
- Sarah Vowell
from The Partly Cloudy Patriot
If this is indeed true (and I believe with every fiber of my being that it is…except for pigs) then I should be feasting on bacon. Bacon xmax. We have almost all the confirmations for the Ocean City trip (a much catchier, more excellent title to come) and then it will go from a wet dream to a wet reality. Wet with bacon.
The only thing to do now is watch as people cancel on me and fall away like flies in a cold snap.
Think I’ll go for a walk outside, the summer sun's callin' my name...
4:05 PM
I'm having a bad day, but I just made myself laugh. I'm at work and I was reflecting on how bad of a day this is. A patient rings their bell and I respond "Someone is on their way to..." and then I pause. I almost said, "to destroy you" instead of "to assist you". And that's the kind of day this is.
8:11 PM
My day was greatly improved by cheese enchiladas.
3.9.06
9:19 PM
"Bacon is the food of joy."
- Sarah Vowell
from The Partly Cloudy Patriot
If this is indeed true (and I believe with every fiber of my being that it is…except for pigs) then I should be feasting on bacon. Bacon xmax. We have almost all the confirmations for the Ocean City trip (a much catchier, more excellent title to come) and then it will go from a wet dream to a wet reality. Wet with bacon.
The only thing to do now is watch as people cancel on me and fall away like flies in a cold snap.
Think I’ll go for a walk outside, the summer sun's callin' my name...
3.04.2006
Somehow, I'm wet...
I don't wanna take my clothes off
but I do
I don't wanna turn nobody on
unless it's you
I don't wanna dance too hard
but this is a groove
I'm hot and I don't care who knows it
I got a job to do...
Thus spake Prince. His new album, "3121", will be released March 21st and his new video will impregnate everyone who sees it.
Go have Prince's baby..."Black Sweat" video.
but I do
I don't wanna turn nobody on
unless it's you
I don't wanna dance too hard
but this is a groove
I'm hot and I don't care who knows it
I got a job to do...
Thus spake Prince. His new album, "3121", will be released March 21st and his new video will impregnate everyone who sees it.
Go have Prince's baby..."Black Sweat" video.
3.03.2006
Life's a beach...I mean, bitch. Life's a bitch, sorry.
From June 24th to July 1st I am renting a beach house in Ocean City, New Jersey (NOT Ocean City, Maryland...whatever state THAT fucking is). The house is amazing with multiple bedrooms, bathrooms, a porch with deck furniture, a grill, washer/dryer, ceiling fans, television, outside shower, parking and other amenities. It will break down to about $200 per person for the week. We are within walking distance of the water and a two mile stretch of boardwalk with dozens of homemade ice cream and fudge shops, restaurants, kitch shops, bookstores, amusement parks, putt putt golf and other stuff. We are also going to be about a half hour from Atlantic City, so you could conceivably pay for the whole week (or quadruple your losses) in a matter of minutes. The first people to get in touch and confirm with get the best rooms so get in touch ASAP.
This is going to fucking rock.
Phil and Kaitlyn, if you are back in the U.S. this is extended to you two as well.
This is going to fucking rock.
Phil and Kaitlyn, if you are back in the U.S. this is extended to you two as well.
2.24.2006
2.25.06
11:26 AM
Working the 11am to 7pm today in order to start my weekend earlier. On my quick walk from my door to the shadow of the Hospital, I noticed the sun was lighting things in a different way. I thought that was nice. I have been noticing the sun and its interaction with things recently. I like it.
I had a dream last night in which Christina and I were taking a Philosophy class taught by John Linnell. Christina was sleeping during his lecture and he sneered at her. He and I talked after the class and he wasn’t scared of me at all. That’s how I knew it was a dream.
I awoke at 9:10 having to pee and since my alarm was at 10:30, I went back to bed. I started another dream but it was interrupted by my alarm. I use “alarm” simply to indicate “something that wakes me up”. I enjoy being able to have whatever music I want wake me up.
On the periphery of my hearing, I’m picking up a typical tale of male aggression that probably goes back to the Stone Age. Some Housekeeping guy is bragging about how some other Housekeeping guy kind of “came up” on him and “looked to start sumpin’”. The first Housekeeping guy blah blah blah. Now he just keeps going on about how he’s lucky the guy “squashed the beef” because “it just comes naturally…BOW!” I’m assuming that means that usually he would have fought the guy but because he didn’t push it, it was resolved. Jesus. You fucking retard. YOU EMPTY MY GARBAGE! I would be aggressive if the middle phase of my life focused on emptying someone’s garbage. He probably gets pugilistic in hopes that someone will kill him and end his sorrow or that he’ll be able to sue someone and live the rest of his life in money. Great. Now he’s talking about his strategy for taking me down because I’m so tall. Christ. He said he’d use a bat and work on my “technical parts”. Doth he mean my testicles? Doth he mean my engineering degree? What in the bleeding hell is this mongoloid talking about?! I’m floating in a sea of massive neurological dysfunction. I wonder if my immersion in this environment will affect me through osmosis or something. When I went from comics to Harry Potter to the Count of Monte Cristo it was evident that something was wrong. Was it indeed Harry Potter or has this atmosphere been slowly killing of my thought processes and higher brain functions? I’m not challenged by my work at all so I’m not receiving any stimuli except for that which I present myself…could this place be devolving my mind? This could be serious. I need to spend my time here writing, thinking, reading things that aren’t Harry Potter…I’m glad I caught this before something irreversibly happened…
12:42 PM
Here’s something interesting…I just noticed that when someone calls me to make an outside call, I will always repeat the number and say the opposite of their pronunciation of the word/number zero/0. In other words, if someone calls up and says “four oh seven” I will repeat it as “four zero seven” and if someone calls with “three zero one” I will say “three oh one”. Is it because I am a disagreeably prick or because certain numerical phrases have a better cadence when the zero and oh are switched? Hey, why can’t it be both? Excellent.
11:26 AM
Working the 11am to 7pm today in order to start my weekend earlier. On my quick walk from my door to the shadow of the Hospital, I noticed the sun was lighting things in a different way. I thought that was nice. I have been noticing the sun and its interaction with things recently. I like it.
I had a dream last night in which Christina and I were taking a Philosophy class taught by John Linnell. Christina was sleeping during his lecture and he sneered at her. He and I talked after the class and he wasn’t scared of me at all. That’s how I knew it was a dream.
I awoke at 9:10 having to pee and since my alarm was at 10:30, I went back to bed. I started another dream but it was interrupted by my alarm. I use “alarm” simply to indicate “something that wakes me up”. I enjoy being able to have whatever music I want wake me up.
On the periphery of my hearing, I’m picking up a typical tale of male aggression that probably goes back to the Stone Age. Some Housekeeping guy is bragging about how some other Housekeeping guy kind of “came up” on him and “looked to start sumpin’”. The first Housekeeping guy blah blah blah. Now he just keeps going on about how he’s lucky the guy “squashed the beef” because “it just comes naturally…BOW!” I’m assuming that means that usually he would have fought the guy but because he didn’t push it, it was resolved. Jesus. You fucking retard. YOU EMPTY MY GARBAGE! I would be aggressive if the middle phase of my life focused on emptying someone’s garbage. He probably gets pugilistic in hopes that someone will kill him and end his sorrow or that he’ll be able to sue someone and live the rest of his life in money. Great. Now he’s talking about his strategy for taking me down because I’m so tall. Christ. He said he’d use a bat and work on my “technical parts”. Doth he mean my testicles? Doth he mean my engineering degree? What in the bleeding hell is this mongoloid talking about?! I’m floating in a sea of massive neurological dysfunction. I wonder if my immersion in this environment will affect me through osmosis or something. When I went from comics to Harry Potter to the Count of Monte Cristo it was evident that something was wrong. Was it indeed Harry Potter or has this atmosphere been slowly killing of my thought processes and higher brain functions? I’m not challenged by my work at all so I’m not receiving any stimuli except for that which I present myself…could this place be devolving my mind? This could be serious. I need to spend my time here writing, thinking, reading things that aren’t Harry Potter…I’m glad I caught this before something irreversibly happened…
12:42 PM
Here’s something interesting…I just noticed that when someone calls me to make an outside call, I will always repeat the number and say the opposite of their pronunciation of the word/number zero/0. In other words, if someone calls up and says “four oh seven” I will repeat it as “four zero seven” and if someone calls with “three zero one” I will say “three oh one”. Is it because I am a disagreeably prick or because certain numerical phrases have a better cadence when the zero and oh are switched? Hey, why can’t it be both? Excellent.
2.23.2006
Bad 23rd
2.23.06
4:19 PM
Bad 23rd.
It’s amazing how my day can be ruined so easily.
So, you all may or may not know that I have a nemesis here at the Hospital. Her name is Debbie Buntin and she is a lot of the things I hate. She is greedy, fat, loud, stupid and dishonest. Long story short, her scheduled time is Saturday and Sunday, 7am to 7pm. Aside from those days, I should NEVER see this tubby cunt. However, she is greedy and loves her money, so she bitches and moans in order to pick up more hours during the week. Specifically, the 11am to 7pm shift. That means I have to see this thing every once in a while. You know, I can’t even talk about her I hate her so much. I think what I might do is start writing her home phone number on bathroom stalls or something. I don’t know. I can’t think clearly right now. My mind has been clouded. I’ll just hit the highlights: Every payday she shows up with a magnifying glass and a calculator. She finds even a PENNY missing and she makes an appointment with the head of finance, claming that she was cheated out of money. She is constantly claming to work when she doesn’t. She opts to not take a lunch break in order to demand that she be paid time and a half for it. She gossips and tattles like an unpopular third grader. An unpopular, FAT third grader. And the thing that really amplifies all this shit is that Monday through Friday; she is a Reverend at a nearby church. There is just something so fundamentally loathsome about that. The fact that she is greedy, gluttonous, petty, oversensitive, scummy, a cunt AND a reverend just makes me sick to my stomach. And the fact that I have to share the same earth as her makes me depressed.
On the upside though, if she continues with her eating habits, she’ll be dead in no time so…clouds and silver lining and al that.
On the further upside, I downloaded a bunch of excellent Nine Inch Nails boots, both audio and video AND I finally saw the Prince performance from SNL. Amazing. He destroys and then reconstitutes his guitar. The second song (with this R&B soundalike, Timar) was less impressive. So far I’ve heard four songs of the new album (3121 in stores March 21st) and two have been awesome while the other two have sounded like typical light Latin jazz and shitty R&B respectively while the other two have been quite excellent, a true return to form for Prince. Whatever the quality of the new album, I think seeing him in concert hen he comes around to New York would be a good idea. His live thing on SNL was blistering and I want MY skin peeled off.
I am also eagerly awaiting the delivery of my eels live DVD. I went around to three different stores on Tuesday and although they had copies listed as being in the stores, they were nowhere to be found. So I popped for the extra ten bucks for two day delivery. By the end of today I shall be watching it. Or heads will roll.
Saturday is my 6th anniversary with Christina. So, if anyone wants to do a movie or something, I’m not doing anything.
Just kidding.
I’ll be having sex.
Most likely with Christina. My girlfriend. Not Christina Nongirlfriend. That would be sick. Especially since she is banging someone else at the time. Yeah. Sloppy seconds.
Anyway, that’s it. If anyone has any extra negative energy in their lives, feel free to point it towards Debbie Buntin.
Thanks.
8:00PM
Day improved markedly with the advent of my package from UPS and the creation and consumption of one of the best meals ever. This day turned out all right after all.
Now I will read comics.
4:19 PM
Bad 23rd.
It’s amazing how my day can be ruined so easily.
So, you all may or may not know that I have a nemesis here at the Hospital. Her name is Debbie Buntin and she is a lot of the things I hate. She is greedy, fat, loud, stupid and dishonest. Long story short, her scheduled time is Saturday and Sunday, 7am to 7pm. Aside from those days, I should NEVER see this tubby cunt. However, she is greedy and loves her money, so she bitches and moans in order to pick up more hours during the week. Specifically, the 11am to 7pm shift. That means I have to see this thing every once in a while. You know, I can’t even talk about her I hate her so much. I think what I might do is start writing her home phone number on bathroom stalls or something. I don’t know. I can’t think clearly right now. My mind has been clouded. I’ll just hit the highlights: Every payday she shows up with a magnifying glass and a calculator. She finds even a PENNY missing and she makes an appointment with the head of finance, claming that she was cheated out of money. She is constantly claming to work when she doesn’t. She opts to not take a lunch break in order to demand that she be paid time and a half for it. She gossips and tattles like an unpopular third grader. An unpopular, FAT third grader. And the thing that really amplifies all this shit is that Monday through Friday; she is a Reverend at a nearby church. There is just something so fundamentally loathsome about that. The fact that she is greedy, gluttonous, petty, oversensitive, scummy, a cunt AND a reverend just makes me sick to my stomach. And the fact that I have to share the same earth as her makes me depressed.
On the upside though, if she continues with her eating habits, she’ll be dead in no time so…clouds and silver lining and al that.
On the further upside, I downloaded a bunch of excellent Nine Inch Nails boots, both audio and video AND I finally saw the Prince performance from SNL. Amazing. He destroys and then reconstitutes his guitar. The second song (with this R&B soundalike, Timar) was less impressive. So far I’ve heard four songs of the new album (3121 in stores March 21st) and two have been awesome while the other two have sounded like typical light Latin jazz and shitty R&B respectively while the other two have been quite excellent, a true return to form for Prince. Whatever the quality of the new album, I think seeing him in concert hen he comes around to New York would be a good idea. His live thing on SNL was blistering and I want MY skin peeled off.
I am also eagerly awaiting the delivery of my eels live DVD. I went around to three different stores on Tuesday and although they had copies listed as being in the stores, they were nowhere to be found. So I popped for the extra ten bucks for two day delivery. By the end of today I shall be watching it. Or heads will roll.
Saturday is my 6th anniversary with Christina. So, if anyone wants to do a movie or something, I’m not doing anything.
Just kidding.
I’ll be having sex.
Most likely with Christina. My girlfriend. Not Christina Nongirlfriend. That would be sick. Especially since she is banging someone else at the time. Yeah. Sloppy seconds.
Anyway, that’s it. If anyone has any extra negative energy in their lives, feel free to point it towards Debbie Buntin.
Thanks.
8:00PM
Day improved markedly with the advent of my package from UPS and the creation and consumption of one of the best meals ever. This day turned out all right after all.
Now I will read comics.
2.17.06
4:36 PM
So sleepy! I suppose that’s what I get for waking up early to do laundry. Silly, clean-smelling Paul. Stupid, fat Hobbits.
A reoccurring beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep type alarm keeps going off down here. There is nothing I can do about it but try to focus my annoyance into a beam of light with which I can destroy it. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I hanker for pizza…
Do you hanker for something? I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you do. Lots of dollars. Like forty. Tomorrow looks to be a fun day just as much as Sunday looks to be a looooong, tiring day during which I shall be wearing make up.
Also, tomorrow is my “Is Paul Psychic?” Day.
Hm. I just belched and now I want chicken tenders.
I think that announcing my psychic glimmer might have canceled out whatever was going to happen. Well, since that is most likely the case, let me make specific predictions pertaining to Nine Inch Nails.
Now, all I remember is Nine Inch Nails had something to do with the number “2.18”. Tomorrow night, NIN is playing in Kansas City. This is the fifth or sixth date on the latest leg of the tour and so far they have brought back some older songs (“Mr. Self Destruct” and “Please”) but nothing crazy new/never played before has been seen. Perhaps tomorrow night that will happen. NIN is also going to release their new single “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” soon. Tomorrow might be the release date announcement, or perhaps the posting of the music video on their web site. Aside from those things, the DVD release of their ’97 live video and video collection could be announced, but I can’t imagine anything else. Frankly, I can’t imagine any of those things happening. I am shocked when NIN announces any sort of release date. Anyway, those things are the most feasible and the first things that pop to mind, but anything else (new album news or some crazy out-of-the-blue release date) is not expected at all. I suppose we’ll find out soon…together…
4:36 PM
So sleepy! I suppose that’s what I get for waking up early to do laundry. Silly, clean-smelling Paul. Stupid, fat Hobbits.
A reoccurring beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep type alarm keeps going off down here. There is nothing I can do about it but try to focus my annoyance into a beam of light with which I can destroy it. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I hanker for pizza…
Do you hanker for something? I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you do. Lots of dollars. Like forty. Tomorrow looks to be a fun day just as much as Sunday looks to be a looooong, tiring day during which I shall be wearing make up.
Also, tomorrow is my “Is Paul Psychic?” Day.
Hm. I just belched and now I want chicken tenders.
I think that announcing my psychic glimmer might have canceled out whatever was going to happen. Well, since that is most likely the case, let me make specific predictions pertaining to Nine Inch Nails.
Now, all I remember is Nine Inch Nails had something to do with the number “2.18”. Tomorrow night, NIN is playing in Kansas City. This is the fifth or sixth date on the latest leg of the tour and so far they have brought back some older songs (“Mr. Self Destruct” and “Please”) but nothing crazy new/never played before has been seen. Perhaps tomorrow night that will happen. NIN is also going to release their new single “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” soon. Tomorrow might be the release date announcement, or perhaps the posting of the music video on their web site. Aside from those things, the DVD release of their ’97 live video and video collection could be announced, but I can’t imagine anything else. Frankly, I can’t imagine any of those things happening. I am shocked when NIN announces any sort of release date. Anyway, those things are the most feasible and the first things that pop to mind, but anything else (new album news or some crazy out-of-the-blue release date) is not expected at all. I suppose we’ll find out soon…together…
2.17.2006
Mas tequila negro.
Just got back from the Jose Cuervo audition. Apparently, Jose Cuervo Black is a new tequila they are trying to market as drinking tequila. Then want you to sip this tequila. I don't think I booked it because I'm sure they frown upon vomitting on their audio equipment. Dang.
Wow.
So what's better than getting paid a lot to do nothing? Getter paid a lot times two for the same nothing. I got a call from my agency and the people paying me for the most recent VO I did are going to double my rate. Good day so far.
A little later I have an audition for Jose Cuervo Black Tequila. How fucking poisonous does that sound?
A little later I have an audition for Jose Cuervo Black Tequila. How fucking poisonous does that sound?
2.16.2006
I went with the Psycho Nachos.
2.16.06
4:15 PM
I picked up my official copy of my Evergreen Investment voiceover thing today. Man is it dry. Like burning sand in your ass crack dry. Like powdered cheese dry. Like grandma pussy dry. Well, like most people’s grandma…not mine. Mine died at sea. Ba dum ching! Now I simply need to get the Capital Lighting voiceover and I can start assembling my reel, or more correctly, pay someone to assemble my reel. Then, AFTRA here I come. Residuals xmax. If I thought working at the Hospital was like getting paid to do nothing, just wait until I actually get paid…for nothing. Rrrrrrock.
I hope something happens on the 18th. I hope I don’t die or something. I had a talk with Chris last night about how every time we casually say goodbye to someone, some tiny, dark part of our minds insists this is the last time we will see them. “We” as in people, not “we” as in just Chris and I. That they will die or disappear and we will never have another moment again. This is a common construct in the human mind, although an unsettling one.
However, Chris had also consumed a few spoonfuls of DayQuil and I was snorting coke of my wet, dead grandmother, so things might have been a bit…skewed?
I am struggling. I cannot decide if I will order cheese fries and chili or the Psycho Nachos from Phat Burger for dinner tonight. Choices choices, oh the voices!!!
Watched “The Forgotten” last night. AMAZINGLY like “Identity” as far as it started out good with a strong premise but as the story unfolds you realize that there are feces at the center. Julianne Moore is sooooooo pretty. I prefer her outfit in the Gutterballs scene from “The Big Lebowski” though. Rowr. Damn would I love to sink that 7-10 split…with my dick. Yeah.
4:40 PM
P.S. I think I’ve decided on the Psycho Nachos. Hooty hoo.
4:15 PM
I picked up my official copy of my Evergreen Investment voiceover thing today. Man is it dry. Like burning sand in your ass crack dry. Like powdered cheese dry. Like grandma pussy dry. Well, like most people’s grandma…not mine. Mine died at sea. Ba dum ching! Now I simply need to get the Capital Lighting voiceover and I can start assembling my reel, or more correctly, pay someone to assemble my reel. Then, AFTRA here I come. Residuals xmax. If I thought working at the Hospital was like getting paid to do nothing, just wait until I actually get paid…for nothing. Rrrrrrock.
I hope something happens on the 18th. I hope I don’t die or something. I had a talk with Chris last night about how every time we casually say goodbye to someone, some tiny, dark part of our minds insists this is the last time we will see them. “We” as in people, not “we” as in just Chris and I. That they will die or disappear and we will never have another moment again. This is a common construct in the human mind, although an unsettling one.
However, Chris had also consumed a few spoonfuls of DayQuil and I was snorting coke of my wet, dead grandmother, so things might have been a bit…skewed?
I am struggling. I cannot decide if I will order cheese fries and chili or the Psycho Nachos from Phat Burger for dinner tonight. Choices choices, oh the voices!!!
Watched “The Forgotten” last night. AMAZINGLY like “Identity” as far as it started out good with a strong premise but as the story unfolds you realize that there are feces at the center. Julianne Moore is sooooooo pretty. I prefer her outfit in the Gutterballs scene from “The Big Lebowski” though. Rowr. Damn would I love to sink that 7-10 split…with my dick. Yeah.
4:40 PM
P.S. I think I’ve decided on the Psycho Nachos. Hooty hoo.
Another unreasonably beautiful day outside. I suspect treachery...
I just woke up from a dream in which 95% of the Earth had been destroyed by an alien missile. The only surviving chunk was a large patch of forest in which there was a mall. All the survivors were in the mall and at the point I woke up tensions were running high. The food was starting to spoil and the first anger killing wasn't too far away. Chris and I were there with someone else. The stress was about to warp Chris and we had just met up with Sarah Vaghari (who seemed to be in some kind of shock) when I woke up.
I just woke up from a dream in which 95% of the Earth had been destroyed by an alien missile. The only surviving chunk was a large patch of forest in which there was a mall. All the survivors were in the mall and at the point I woke up tensions were running high. The food was starting to spoil and the first anger killing wasn't too far away. Chris and I were there with someone else. The stress was about to warp Chris and we had just met up with Sarah Vaghari (who seemed to be in some kind of shock) when I woke up.
2.15.2006
Update
2.15.06
3:15 PM
Yesterday I pretended to have a history of epileptic seizures to get a flickering light changed.
Also, I negotiated with the Great Satan and we got the rent increase slashed dramatically. By March 2007 however, Chris and I will be in a new apartment.
The Tori Amos video collection came out yesterday and I highly recommend it. Almost every video on there is excellently directed and she is just SO cute and skilled. Like a juggling puppy.
The eels live album was released on iTunes yesterday as well (a week before the physical release) with three bonus tracks, one of which is eels’ cover of “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” by Prince. The album is incredibly moving and I suggest you check it out either now or when it’s officially released next week (2.21).
A while back I had a dream that somehow related to Nine Inch Nails and at the end I saw a date on a calendar “2.18” so in a few days we will see if I am physic or not.
I am considering purchasing a Katamari Damacy shirt. They were designed with the idea that you don’t need to look like a fanny bandit just because you are wearing video game clothing. Personally, I think the jean Daisy Dukes achieve that goal nicely, but, whatever.
3:15 PM
Yesterday I pretended to have a history of epileptic seizures to get a flickering light changed.
Also, I negotiated with the Great Satan and we got the rent increase slashed dramatically. By March 2007 however, Chris and I will be in a new apartment.
The Tori Amos video collection came out yesterday and I highly recommend it. Almost every video on there is excellently directed and she is just SO cute and skilled. Like a juggling puppy.
The eels live album was released on iTunes yesterday as well (a week before the physical release) with three bonus tracks, one of which is eels’ cover of “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” by Prince. The album is incredibly moving and I suggest you check it out either now or when it’s officially released next week (2.21).
A while back I had a dream that somehow related to Nine Inch Nails and at the end I saw a date on a calendar “2.18” so in a few days we will see if I am physic or not.
I am considering purchasing a Katamari Damacy shirt. They were designed with the idea that you don’t need to look like a fanny bandit just because you are wearing video game clothing. Personally, I think the jean Daisy Dukes achieve that goal nicely, but, whatever.
1.26.2006
1.26.06
4:12 PM
A pall has been cast over any and all happiness that I would normally feel this week. Also, I have become paranoid that the recent utter silence from the Downstairs Cunts is somehow tied into this.
My mind is working against itself.
Mark Scharfman has ruined my Birthday.
That motherfucker.
If this doesn’t stop soon, I will develop ulcers.
Tomorrow, I plan to wake up at 8 or so to be one of the “first served” by the pro se attorney’s office at the Housing Department.
I hope for good news, but I fear the worst. I always fear the worst…on top, but underneath everything, underneath me telling myself “expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst”, the very bottom of me, my heart of hearts, is thinking “but it won’t be the worst, it just won’t.” Fucking brain. I’m a god damned optimist. Fuck.
I just want to stay where I am until I am ready to move on. I don’t want this outside influence in the form of a greasy slumlord.
This occurrence has darkened my world.
I want vengeance.
I promise myself (and everyone I know in this city) that if I am forced to leave…I will make Mark Scharfman a sad, sad man. I will also include the Downstairs Cunts and their ugly baby in that sadness. The moment a lawyer tells me that neither my credit, nor my father’s (my guarantor) will be affected by simply giving Scharfman the finger, I will rain down the Most Righteous Wrath of the Paulitoshpere on this apartment. You think repainting Chris’ bedroom is going to be a pain? How about as many coats of black latex paint that I can afford sloshed all over the place? The thing is Scharfman only cares about the money, so why would he allow me to stay jeer for less than he could get with new tenants? He wouldn’t; he doesn’t think that way. So I have to hit him where he’ll notice: his bankroll. If the dick is inflexible about the rent increase, then we will destroy his apartment. Any of you wondered just how thin my floors are? One way to find out. Anyone wondered what a refrigerator falling four stories into an alley sounds like? I have. You ever been curious what would happen if someone overflowed the toilet, bathtub AND sink? I have. I swear to everything that matters: if I am forced to leave this place against my will, Mark Scharfman will remember me as a financial loss. A taller-than-is-allowed financial loss.
Bring it the fuck on, you slimy villain. Understand what happens when I have nothing to lose and no strings attached.
I just found these:
http://citylimits.org/content/articles/weeklyView.cfm?articlenumber=108
http://nypress.com/17/6/news&columns/property.cfm
4:12 PM
A pall has been cast over any and all happiness that I would normally feel this week. Also, I have become paranoid that the recent utter silence from the Downstairs Cunts is somehow tied into this.
My mind is working against itself.
Mark Scharfman has ruined my Birthday.
That motherfucker.
If this doesn’t stop soon, I will develop ulcers.
Tomorrow, I plan to wake up at 8 or so to be one of the “first served” by the pro se attorney’s office at the Housing Department.
I hope for good news, but I fear the worst. I always fear the worst…on top, but underneath everything, underneath me telling myself “expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst”, the very bottom of me, my heart of hearts, is thinking “but it won’t be the worst, it just won’t.” Fucking brain. I’m a god damned optimist. Fuck.
I just want to stay where I am until I am ready to move on. I don’t want this outside influence in the form of a greasy slumlord.
This occurrence has darkened my world.
I want vengeance.
I promise myself (and everyone I know in this city) that if I am forced to leave…I will make Mark Scharfman a sad, sad man. I will also include the Downstairs Cunts and their ugly baby in that sadness. The moment a lawyer tells me that neither my credit, nor my father’s (my guarantor) will be affected by simply giving Scharfman the finger, I will rain down the Most Righteous Wrath of the Paulitoshpere on this apartment. You think repainting Chris’ bedroom is going to be a pain? How about as many coats of black latex paint that I can afford sloshed all over the place? The thing is Scharfman only cares about the money, so why would he allow me to stay jeer for less than he could get with new tenants? He wouldn’t; he doesn’t think that way. So I have to hit him where he’ll notice: his bankroll. If the dick is inflexible about the rent increase, then we will destroy his apartment. Any of you wondered just how thin my floors are? One way to find out. Anyone wondered what a refrigerator falling four stories into an alley sounds like? I have. You ever been curious what would happen if someone overflowed the toilet, bathtub AND sink? I have. I swear to everything that matters: if I am forced to leave this place against my will, Mark Scharfman will remember me as a financial loss. A taller-than-is-allowed financial loss.
Bring it the fuck on, you slimy villain. Understand what happens when I have nothing to lose and no strings attached.
I just found these:
http://citylimits.org/content/articles/weeklyView.cfm?articlenumber=108
http://nypress.com/17/6/news&columns/property.cfm
1.23.2006
Paparazzi's Panda Palace
I needed to post a comment on Ray's film blog (the blog for the film we are working on, not a film blog belonging to Ray) so I had to sign up for a blog. I now have a blog and nothing to do with it. Any suggestions? If nothing tickles my pickle, I might just do nothing...
1.18.2006
1.18.06
3:12 PM
Events of today have (mostly) made up for the emotional and spiritual fecal storm of late. Had an excellent recording session this morning. They had lox at this place. It was also just so well designed. The entire team was very casual and fun to work with. I found out what exactly this was…
Capitol Lighting is a lighting store with four locations in Florida and one in New Jersey. This was a TV commercial and I did all the VO for it. It’s actually a pretty funny commercial and not nearly as boring and terrible as I thought it would be.
The beginning shows a bunch of people doing regular things with lampshades on their heads. Some of these things include playing catch (mildly amusing) and charades (very funny). Anyway, these people are bumbling around like me in a dimly lit room to the perfect music and then my VO comes in. The direction was deadpan, devoid of energy and just not giving a shit. It was hilarious. Sort of Steven Wright-ish.
Anyway, the whole thing was superfun and my voice was in top form. Not only did I have a voice today…but I also knew just what to do with it.
Also: the final version of my dry-and-white-bread-as-a-cracker Evergreen Financial thing is up on the production company’s external site. Watch it and try and pick out the sentences that don’t make sense to me.
Party is looming.
Happy is good.
Fuck Mark Scharfman.
3:12 PM
Events of today have (mostly) made up for the emotional and spiritual fecal storm of late. Had an excellent recording session this morning. They had lox at this place. It was also just so well designed. The entire team was very casual and fun to work with. I found out what exactly this was…
Capitol Lighting is a lighting store with four locations in Florida and one in New Jersey. This was a TV commercial and I did all the VO for it. It’s actually a pretty funny commercial and not nearly as boring and terrible as I thought it would be.
The beginning shows a bunch of people doing regular things with lampshades on their heads. Some of these things include playing catch (mildly amusing) and charades (very funny). Anyway, these people are bumbling around like me in a dimly lit room to the perfect music and then my VO comes in. The direction was deadpan, devoid of energy and just not giving a shit. It was hilarious. Sort of Steven Wright-ish.
Anyway, the whole thing was superfun and my voice was in top form. Not only did I have a voice today…but I also knew just what to do with it.
Also: the final version of my dry-and-white-bread-as-a-cracker Evergreen Financial thing is up on the production company’s external site. Watch it and try and pick out the sentences that don’t make sense to me.
Party is looming.
Happy is good.
Fuck Mark Scharfman.
1.12.2006
Ya viene ayuda en camino
1.11.06
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
1.11.2006
1.11.06
4:28 PM
Feel tired today. Channeling Phil: need chocolate, but good chocolate.
Had good rehearsal with Ray and Michael. This going to be a lot of fun. Here is a link to the film's blog http://rzthesis.blogspot.com and here is Ray's site: http://www.rayzablocki.com/ You can see me in Ray’s “Dova”. Not the best work since the woman in it will make you hate all actors for the rest of your life, but good because she makes me look even better. She’s really bad though.
Listened to Demon Days again. Gets into your brain. Stays there and eats some of your brain then poops rhythms into it.
Before I left for rehearsal this morning I decided that I DO need an iPod. I was sitting on my bed, sifting through the 226 odd CD’s in my CD holder (mp3 CD’s included) and finding I didn’t want to hear any of them…I wanted to hear them ALL. I think the 60GB one would be perfect. I have about 30GB of music on my PC now and it has about 1 GB free at this moment. I’ll need space soon because the new season of “The Shield” just started last night. If I get the 60GB, I will not only be able to clean A LOT of shit off my PC, but I will still have 20GB of room to grow.
I think a black one with the simple inscription:
bizagitronicon
xmax
would be perfect. The image looks excellent in my mind’s eye, but then again, there is a lot of scar tissue on my mind’s macula and that might makes things look better or worse depending.
In other news, I am almost over my sicky, so kisses for everyone except Gia and Christina Nongirlfriend since because we hung out while I was sick you are probably both sick. Sorry. Sorry for both the “no kisses” and the “getting you sick” thing.
Also, if you read this and have not RSVPed to my pizzartitronicon xmax, get on that. I need specific numbers in order to have the right abundance of foody and drinky poos. If you don’t RSVP by the 14th…you are politely invited to go fuck yourself. With metal spoons.
Finally, I have been contacted by Elizabeth Margid of Fordham University’s directing program and invited to take part in the Directing III final project again this year. I would be in one or more of the students’ scenes from Chekhov’s Cherry Orchard. Should I or shouldn’t I? Does it matter? Hmmm…
4:50 PM
Huh. I have just been informed that it is raining…pretty hard too. Will this stop me from chocolate? Is it too cold for chocolate? Nay, I may be channeling Philip, but it is never too cold for chocolate. Or sex. Never too cold for sex and/or chocolate. And that is where we differ.
God damn I am going to eat this chocolate like a motherfucker that eats chocolate.
4:28 PM
Feel tired today. Channeling Phil: need chocolate, but good chocolate.
Had good rehearsal with Ray and Michael. This going to be a lot of fun. Here is a link to the film's blog http://rzthesis.blogspot.com and here is Ray's site: http://www.rayzablocki.com/ You can see me in Ray’s “Dova”. Not the best work since the woman in it will make you hate all actors for the rest of your life, but good because she makes me look even better. She’s really bad though.
Listened to Demon Days again. Gets into your brain. Stays there and eats some of your brain then poops rhythms into it.
Before I left for rehearsal this morning I decided that I DO need an iPod. I was sitting on my bed, sifting through the 226 odd CD’s in my CD holder (mp3 CD’s included) and finding I didn’t want to hear any of them…I wanted to hear them ALL. I think the 60GB one would be perfect. I have about 30GB of music on my PC now and it has about 1 GB free at this moment. I’ll need space soon because the new season of “The Shield” just started last night. If I get the 60GB, I will not only be able to clean A LOT of shit off my PC, but I will still have 20GB of room to grow.
I think a black one with the simple inscription:
bizagitronicon
xmax
4:50 PM
1.10.2006
1.10.06
3:03 PM
The new Gorillaz album Demon Days came out a while ago and, quite honestly, I was not impressed. It had maybe two or three songs I dug and the rest? Repetitive, uninspired stuff. Or so I thought…
Over time I have been enjoying more and more tracks. At first it was just Dirty Harry and Feel Good Inc. (the singles) and O Green World. Then I added Kids With Guns (excellent, excellent song). Soon after, I heard there was another video for another song of the album and I checked that out. The video was okay, but I didn’t remember the song being that good. I went back and checked it out again and then added that one (Dare) to the list. After that, I just started playing the album and about 85% of it is awesome. Much better than the first album. I was surprised at how many levels this one has. So many different sounds and textures. The rappers are a bit lacking but then again we can’t all be Method Man or ODB can we? Whatever the case; check out the album but remember to give it a few listens before you say, “Man, that Paul sure has bad taste in music. I don’t know why I ever listen to him. In fact, based on this bad advice he gave, I will stop listening to him altogether…about everything. Why would I ever listen to him again after a terrible mistake such as this? Jesus fucking Christ what a faggot douchebag asshole! I can’t believe he wasn’t aborted…twice just to make sure, you know? Fuck, man. Why wasn’t he terminated?! Late term, so he would have felt it. Son of a bitch, I am so angry about this now…I need a cigarette and a hand job…”
On a completely unrelated note: the last few weeks of The Simpsons have been very impressive. Might this be the start of a turnaround for the faltering 17-year franchise? I hope so, because that would be SUCH a fucking downer if The Simpsons got canned.
Also, yesterday I read some of the fiction Phil sent Will and me. Some is good and one was fucking spectacular. After the three or so short works, I started reading his first novella entitled Moses. Not sure if it’s based on me or not…I suppose we’ll find out.
Finally, I had another Katamari dream last night. If the game doesn’t kill me, I might have to kill myself.
3:03 PM
The new Gorillaz album Demon Days came out a while ago and, quite honestly, I was not impressed. It had maybe two or three songs I dug and the rest? Repetitive, uninspired stuff. Or so I thought…
Over time I have been enjoying more and more tracks. At first it was just Dirty Harry and Feel Good Inc. (the singles) and O Green World. Then I added Kids With Guns (excellent, excellent song). Soon after, I heard there was another video for another song of the album and I checked that out. The video was okay, but I didn’t remember the song being that good. I went back and checked it out again and then added that one (Dare) to the list. After that, I just started playing the album and about 85% of it is awesome. Much better than the first album. I was surprised at how many levels this one has. So many different sounds and textures. The rappers are a bit lacking but then again we can’t all be Method Man or ODB can we? Whatever the case; check out the album but remember to give it a few listens before you say, “Man, that Paul sure has bad taste in music. I don’t know why I ever listen to him. In fact, based on this bad advice he gave, I will stop listening to him altogether…about everything. Why would I ever listen to him again after a terrible mistake such as this? Jesus fucking Christ what a faggot douchebag asshole! I can’t believe he wasn’t aborted…twice just to make sure, you know? Fuck, man. Why wasn’t he terminated?! Late term, so he would have felt it. Son of a bitch, I am so angry about this now…I need a cigarette and a hand job…”
On a completely unrelated note: the last few weeks of The Simpsons have been very impressive. Might this be the start of a turnaround for the faltering 17-year franchise? I hope so, because that would be SUCH a fucking downer if The Simpsons got canned.
Also, yesterday I read some of the fiction Phil sent Will and me. Some is good and one was fucking spectacular. After the three or so short works, I started reading his first novella entitled Moses. Not sure if it’s based on me or not…I suppose we’ll find out.
Finally, I had another Katamari dream last night. If the game doesn’t kill me, I might have to kill myself.
Katamari XMAX!!!
1.9.06
4:29 PM
On Saturday I purchased a PlayStation 2 video game called “We Love Katamari”.
This is the sequel to a game that came out in 2004 called Katamari Damacy. It is the strangest videogame ever created.
The “plot”: While drunk, your father, the King of the Cosmos, destroyed the Universe in Katamari Damacy and to rectify his mistake, he got you, Prince, to create katamari’s and give them to him to remake the Universe. (A katamari is a big ball of stuff that gets bigger and bigger as you roll it over things. At first, it can only pick up paper clips and coins, then small fruits, then checkers, then toy cars, then small animals, and so on and so forth until you can roll up people, cars, buses etc. That is the simplest and clearest explanation.). This game Katamari Damacy became a huge hit (in the world of the video game and in real life) and the King of the Cosmos became famous. SO, the “story” of We Love Katamari is that people liked Katamari Damacy so much, they are asking to King to basically do stuff like that again. As a character you wander around a meadow that it filled with people and you will go to them and they will say things like, “Katamari Damacy was so much fun, can you roll one up now?”, “My grandson likes this game and I would like to play it with him, may I try?” and so forth. Other people will has tasks or specific games they want to play. For instance, a skinny sumo wrestler will ask your help I making him big for the fight. You then have to roll him around eating things so he can gain weight. In another, a student has been studying so hard that he forgot to pay his electric bill so his lights have gone off. You have to roll up fire flies to light his room. When you finish a goal, the person who asked you to do it will appear on the King’s shoulder (the King is huge) and will say thanks and give the katamari to the King. He will then throw it up into the Cosmos and it will become a planet or a satellite. Your final task (asked of you by a dog) is to roll up the sun. In order to do this, you must go around the cosmos and roll up all the planets and moons you have made (along with stardust) and then, if you katamari is big enough, you can roll up the sun. I have yet to do this since my katamaris aren’t big enough yet. That is the game in a nutshell.
Anyway, along with bizarre characters, dialogue and mission goals, there is a soundtrack that Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has said he puts on a high volume to bother the shit out of his sound engineer. He also said that while on the tour bus, they have been playing this for months.
Anyway, I got this two days ago and I have played it for a total of six hours or so, no more than 8. I woke up this morning singing the We Love Katamari theme (the chorus which is as follows “Naaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy! Naaaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy!” This sung by a very nasal Japanese man) and as I continued through the day, remnants of my dreams came to me in ribbons: I had been dreaming about We Love Katamari all night. Not one dream I kept returning to, but several different dreams.
The thing of it is I have had dreams that feature recent events in my life, but none as intense as these. This game will be the end of me…
4:29 PM
On Saturday I purchased a PlayStation 2 video game called “We Love Katamari”.
This is the sequel to a game that came out in 2004 called Katamari Damacy. It is the strangest videogame ever created.
The “plot”: While drunk, your father, the King of the Cosmos, destroyed the Universe in Katamari Damacy and to rectify his mistake, he got you, Prince, to create katamari’s and give them to him to remake the Universe. (A katamari is a big ball of stuff that gets bigger and bigger as you roll it over things. At first, it can only pick up paper clips and coins, then small fruits, then checkers, then toy cars, then small animals, and so on and so forth until you can roll up people, cars, buses etc. That is the simplest and clearest explanation.). This game Katamari Damacy became a huge hit (in the world of the video game and in real life) and the King of the Cosmos became famous. SO, the “story” of We Love Katamari is that people liked Katamari Damacy so much, they are asking to King to basically do stuff like that again. As a character you wander around a meadow that it filled with people and you will go to them and they will say things like, “Katamari Damacy was so much fun, can you roll one up now?”, “My grandson likes this game and I would like to play it with him, may I try?” and so forth. Other people will has tasks or specific games they want to play. For instance, a skinny sumo wrestler will ask your help I making him big for the fight. You then have to roll him around eating things so he can gain weight. In another, a student has been studying so hard that he forgot to pay his electric bill so his lights have gone off. You have to roll up fire flies to light his room. When you finish a goal, the person who asked you to do it will appear on the King’s shoulder (the King is huge) and will say thanks and give the katamari to the King. He will then throw it up into the Cosmos and it will become a planet or a satellite. Your final task (asked of you by a dog) is to roll up the sun. In order to do this, you must go around the cosmos and roll up all the planets and moons you have made (along with stardust) and then, if you katamari is big enough, you can roll up the sun. I have yet to do this since my katamaris aren’t big enough yet. That is the game in a nutshell.
Anyway, along with bizarre characters, dialogue and mission goals, there is a soundtrack that Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has said he puts on a high volume to bother the shit out of his sound engineer. He also said that while on the tour bus, they have been playing this for months.
Anyway, I got this two days ago and I have played it for a total of six hours or so, no more than 8. I woke up this morning singing the We Love Katamari theme (the chorus which is as follows “Naaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy! Naaaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy!” This sung by a very nasal Japanese man) and as I continued through the day, remnants of my dreams came to me in ribbons: I had been dreaming about We Love Katamari all night. Not one dream I kept returning to, but several different dreams.
The thing of it is I have had dreams that feature recent events in my life, but none as intense as these. This game will be the end of me…
1.05.2006
1.5.06
7:34 PM
Oh Lordy Lordy! Phat Burger has destroyed me. I thought, “I’m hungry, but not TOO hungry. I won’t get a burger.” I had been hankering for a nice bowl of chili allll day so I figure, “A nice bowl of chili and some cheese fries will quell this belly beast.” So I order at 6:55 and arrive back at work mere minutes before it shows up. At first, I am worried because there appears to be very little cheese on this bright orange waffle fries…wait…bright orange? I didn’t order sweet potato fries! What is this bullshit? I open the container to see my healthy potato friends have been drowned in a veritable OCEAN of melted sharp cheddar. I orgasm twice in quick succession, not being able to tell where one ends and the next begins. Then I open the chili container. BAM! Three more orgasms. My pants are a mess now, but I hardly notice the sliding warmth in my boxers. I dig in, dipping the cheese fries in my chili and smacking my lips audibly, stopping every few seconds to sip from my (glass) bottle of root beer. After about ten minutes or so, the fries are gone and my vision is getting hazy. There is a mote dancing behind my eyes and it is getting bigger and bigger, blocking my vision. Through its stringy, spinning mass I can see the empty fry container…and the three quarters full chili cup! “Good God…” I mutter, “Good God!” I scream. This makes no sense. I have eaten my fill but I still see delicious food in front of me! What has happened to me?! Am I bewitched? Am I shrinking? Has my sickness flipped some switch inside of me?
I was still grappling with this realization when I started typing. At this moment, I am still full and when I look at the chili cup still containing MORE THAN HALF of its original contents, I do not curse under my breath, I do not weep a silent, cheese-flavored tear…I merely smile and whisper the word…“oog”.
In other news I watched Boiler Room today. Not as bad as people made it out to be. Giovanni Rabisi was iight. Ben Affleck was tolerable. Vin Disel was great. I dug the soundtrack and how all the stockbrokers were whiggers xmax. Very funny stuff. The ending was pretty good too.
You know I think someone might have drugged this chili. I feel like I’m wrapped in a big, warm blanket. There is a buzzing in the back of my head. It agrees with and supports all my thoughts and ideas. It is my friend. I like it. Good. It’s as if I am underwater.
I am planning on seeing Sufjan Stevens in concert on Saturday the fourteenth. He is playing in the Allen Room at the Jazz at Lincoln Center space where Megan works. I might get to hang out with him. This isn’t like a Nine Inch Nails or They Might Be Giants thing; I am a fan of what this guy does but I don’t know him or his music (he has five albums (or eight if you count the three Xmas EP’s), I’ve heard one in totem) well enough to be obsessed. His music is deep and layered, beautiful and sad. And he has a song about zombies. Will put a track from his latest album on his Bite the Music submission and Christina Girlfriend fell fast in love with that track. The album (“Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”) is very thick. It is the second in a series of “state albums”. He has already released “Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State!” and plans to write and release an album per state. Take that, John Linnell, you lazy robot! At this point, I am hungry for new music. Last year sort of spoiled me. Two new They Might Be Giants’ releases (both of which turned out to be rather lean indeed), a new Cake album (excellent), a new Beck album (nothing genre defining, but excellent nonetheless), a new eels album (monumental) that resulted in an amazing live show (which is coming to CD and DVD February 21st) and a new Nine Inch Nails album which has yet to leave my stereo (see, I bought the regular CD and the Dualdisc versions…). On top of that, Depeche Mode’s new release was a pleasant surprise as well. I saw a few concerts: Beck (very energetic), They Might Be Giants (fun as always, but nothing earthshaking), eels (amazing) and Nine Inch Nails (the definition of “100% perfection”). As far as 2006 looks, there is the eels live CD/DVD of the concert I saw (literally the concert I saw. They videotaped and recorded the Town Hall show that Phil and I were at), Cake with some others at the Unlimited Sunshine Tour (not going), talk of some new half-assed TMBG release and NIN is coming around for another leg of its tour. As far as that goes, I’m pensive because the last one was really perfect, I’m not exaggerating. Musically speaking, none of the aforementioned bands are planning any new material (except some tiny thing from TMBG which, based on their past two efforts, will not wow me). Trent Reznor has said he wants to have a new album out before 2007 but it has been NO LESS than FIVE YEARS between proper album releases for NIN, so I’m skeptical. You know, I’m just going to make a list of things to which I am looking forward…goddamn dangling participle.
Bullet Time…
• “eels With Strings” live CD/DVD (look for Phil and I standing for the last two songs)
• Something new by Beck (considering he has a lot of new stuff lying around)
• Not one, but TWO new Stephen King novels (Cell on 1.24.05 and Lesley’s Story on 10.24.06). Retired my ball sac.
• The Complete Tori Amos video collection (finally)
• Nine Inch Nails concert (hope it surpasses or at least lives up to the one before. This will be more like the first two of the With Teeth tour, but he has discussed doing a solo piano tour. That would be…indescribable.)
• Whatever stopgap release They Might Be Giants are planning (Something along the lines of the kids picture book Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed with a four song CD but “more Edwardian”. Any idea what that means?)
• Silent Hill the movie (although based on interviews and stuff, I feel like I am going to be disappointed and that totally blows. At least Uwe Boll isn’t involved…)
• The PS3 (drool)
• Acting in Ray’s film and John’s play. I like acting.
• The release of The Simpsons Season Eight, my favorite season, containing such excellent episodes as “The Springfield Files” guest starring David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as Mulder and Scully, “Homer’s Nemesis” guest starring John Waters as John the gay guy, “You Only Move Twice” guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio and, my all time favorite episode of The Simpsons, “The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer” (although the original title is in Portuguese). This episode guest stars Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote, is chock full of excellent lines and has one of the best endings in Simpson history. In fact, almost all the episodes in the eighth season have excellent endings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, seasons six through ten are pure gold.
Now, these are all things to which I am looking forward, most of them (you will be surprised to notice) are material possessions. These are not goals, they re products. What goals do I have? Nothing but getting into SAG and then, instead of making stupid good money on my acting shit, I’ll make Ariel Sharon post-stroke money on my acting shit. Yeah, paralytic mumblin’ dollaz y’all.
7:34 PM
Oh Lordy Lordy! Phat Burger has destroyed me. I thought, “I’m hungry, but not TOO hungry. I won’t get a burger.” I had been hankering for a nice bowl of chili allll day so I figure, “A nice bowl of chili and some cheese fries will quell this belly beast.” So I order at 6:55 and arrive back at work mere minutes before it shows up. At first, I am worried because there appears to be very little cheese on this bright orange waffle fries…wait…bright orange? I didn’t order sweet potato fries! What is this bullshit? I open the container to see my healthy potato friends have been drowned in a veritable OCEAN of melted sharp cheddar. I orgasm twice in quick succession, not being able to tell where one ends and the next begins. Then I open the chili container. BAM! Three more orgasms. My pants are a mess now, but I hardly notice the sliding warmth in my boxers. I dig in, dipping the cheese fries in my chili and smacking my lips audibly, stopping every few seconds to sip from my (glass) bottle of root beer. After about ten minutes or so, the fries are gone and my vision is getting hazy. There is a mote dancing behind my eyes and it is getting bigger and bigger, blocking my vision. Through its stringy, spinning mass I can see the empty fry container…and the three quarters full chili cup! “Good God…” I mutter, “Good God!” I scream. This makes no sense. I have eaten my fill but I still see delicious food in front of me! What has happened to me?! Am I bewitched? Am I shrinking? Has my sickness flipped some switch inside of me?
I was still grappling with this realization when I started typing. At this moment, I am still full and when I look at the chili cup still containing MORE THAN HALF of its original contents, I do not curse under my breath, I do not weep a silent, cheese-flavored tear…I merely smile and whisper the word…“oog”.
In other news I watched Boiler Room today. Not as bad as people made it out to be. Giovanni Rabisi was iight. Ben Affleck was tolerable. Vin Disel was great. I dug the soundtrack and how all the stockbrokers were whiggers xmax. Very funny stuff. The ending was pretty good too.
You know I think someone might have drugged this chili. I feel like I’m wrapped in a big, warm blanket. There is a buzzing in the back of my head. It agrees with and supports all my thoughts and ideas. It is my friend. I like it. Good. It’s as if I am underwater.
I am planning on seeing Sufjan Stevens in concert on Saturday the fourteenth. He is playing in the Allen Room at the Jazz at Lincoln Center space where Megan works. I might get to hang out with him. This isn’t like a Nine Inch Nails or They Might Be Giants thing; I am a fan of what this guy does but I don’t know him or his music (he has five albums (or eight if you count the three Xmas EP’s), I’ve heard one in totem) well enough to be obsessed. His music is deep and layered, beautiful and sad. And he has a song about zombies. Will put a track from his latest album on his Bite the Music submission and Christina Girlfriend fell fast in love with that track. The album (“Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”) is very thick. It is the second in a series of “state albums”. He has already released “Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State!” and plans to write and release an album per state. Take that, John Linnell, you lazy robot! At this point, I am hungry for new music. Last year sort of spoiled me. Two new They Might Be Giants’ releases (both of which turned out to be rather lean indeed), a new Cake album (excellent), a new Beck album (nothing genre defining, but excellent nonetheless), a new eels album (monumental) that resulted in an amazing live show (which is coming to CD and DVD February 21st) and a new Nine Inch Nails album which has yet to leave my stereo (see, I bought the regular CD and the Dualdisc versions…). On top of that, Depeche Mode’s new release was a pleasant surprise as well. I saw a few concerts: Beck (very energetic), They Might Be Giants (fun as always, but nothing earthshaking), eels (amazing) and Nine Inch Nails (the definition of “100% perfection”). As far as 2006 looks, there is the eels live CD/DVD of the concert I saw (literally the concert I saw. They videotaped and recorded the Town Hall show that Phil and I were at), Cake with some others at the Unlimited Sunshine Tour (not going), talk of some new half-assed TMBG release and NIN is coming around for another leg of its tour. As far as that goes, I’m pensive because the last one was really perfect, I’m not exaggerating. Musically speaking, none of the aforementioned bands are planning any new material (except some tiny thing from TMBG which, based on their past two efforts, will not wow me). Trent Reznor has said he wants to have a new album out before 2007 but it has been NO LESS than FIVE YEARS between proper album releases for NIN, so I’m skeptical. You know, I’m just going to make a list of things to which I am looking forward…goddamn dangling participle.
Bullet Time…
• “eels With Strings” live CD/DVD (look for Phil and I standing for the last two songs)
• Something new by Beck (considering he has a lot of new stuff lying around)
• Not one, but TWO new Stephen King novels (Cell on 1.24.05 and Lesley’s Story on 10.24.06). Retired my ball sac.
• The Complete Tori Amos video collection (finally)
• Nine Inch Nails concert (hope it surpasses or at least lives up to the one before. This will be more like the first two of the With Teeth tour, but he has discussed doing a solo piano tour. That would be…indescribable.)
• Whatever stopgap release They Might Be Giants are planning (Something along the lines of the kids picture book Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed with a four song CD but “more Edwardian”. Any idea what that means?)
• Silent Hill the movie (although based on interviews and stuff, I feel like I am going to be disappointed and that totally blows. At least Uwe Boll isn’t involved…)
• The PS3 (drool)
• Acting in Ray’s film and John’s play. I like acting.
• The release of The Simpsons Season Eight, my favorite season, containing such excellent episodes as “The Springfield Files” guest starring David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as Mulder and Scully, “Homer’s Nemesis” guest starring John Waters as John the gay guy, “You Only Move Twice” guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio and, my all time favorite episode of The Simpsons, “The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer” (although the original title is in Portuguese). This episode guest stars Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote, is chock full of excellent lines and has one of the best endings in Simpson history. In fact, almost all the episodes in the eighth season have excellent endings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, seasons six through ten are pure gold.
Now, these are all things to which I am looking forward, most of them (you will be surprised to notice) are material possessions. These are not goals, they re products. What goals do I have? Nothing but getting into SAG and then, instead of making stupid good money on my acting shit, I’ll make Ariel Sharon post-stroke money on my acting shit. Yeah, paralytic mumblin’ dollaz y’all.
1.04.2006
HULK SMASH DOUGHNUT!!!
1.4.06
3:07 PM
There was a box of doughnuts that had been sitting on top of the microwave for the past few days. Over the past few days the microwave had been used several times. In fact, at about 2:50, I put a cup of water in there to make tea, but by the time it was finished, I realized that there would not be enough time for me to let the bag steep, add sugar and milk and drink the tea before I had to leave. I was about to walk out the door, tealess and cranky, when I remembered that there was one doughnut left, a chocolate covered doughnut. My spirits lifted and I opened the box. The doughnut was warm and gooey. It took a second before I remembered that when the microwave is used, it produces heat and objects on top of the microwave will sometimes be affected by said heat. I ate the doughnut anyway since I had eaten nothing yet and because my fingers were covered with chocolate. As I finished this gooey snack treat, I reflected on the amount of radiation this and the other doughnuts had been exposed to over the past few days. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot.
I will keep an eye on my stool to see if that is affected and I will keep you all informed if I grow any taller.
8:44 PM
I think the reason I believe it’s been a mild winter is that I don’t go outside that often.
9:50 PM
Herm. Ahemy herm herm.
So…when you look at me…do you think: modern adaptation of the Norse Thunder God, Thor? I hope the three of you reading this said yes because that who I shall be portraying at the Red Room on March 6th, 7th and 8th. In a play most likely titles “Fables of the Thunder God” I shall play a modern version of Thor named Tor (short for Torrance). The script is good and will include numerous anal sex jokes as per my contractual stipulations.
In my career I have played God (Testament) and Satan (Shark Week). And now I take on the mantle of Thor. Maybe next I’ll play that multi-armed elephant god: Multi-Armed Elephant God. Perhaps Jesus? I could do that. Jesus in the house.
Goodness has the sickness hit me! It nests in my head and throat and sinuses. It floats in the back of my mind, making me have to ask people to repeat things. It grinds mortar in my throat, making my voice sound like Kaitlyn after a few gin and tonics. It writhes in my sinuses, rushing forward to blind m with pressure. Fucking body. Unable to defend itself against this onslaught. I am being raped again and again…by my self and its battered immune system.
I installed my new stereo system. It was about time. My old stereo used to have three working CD slots (all of them capable of playing CD-R’s and CD’s), a decent AM/FM radio and a dual cassette player. After about five years, the disc trays stuck, CD-r’s would no longer play (that’s a weird one), both tape decks were fucked and when you turned it on it made loud clicking sounds.
I got the fucking hook up for Xmas. Some sweet Bose thing called the Wave. I just picked up a tape deck from J&R so now I am set. Same deal as the last one but four disc slots and the ability t play mp3 CD’s. Tasty stuff.
I also scored the hundred and fifty pound Complete Calvin & Hobbes. I had that mailed up and should be receiving it tomorrow. Aside from that I completed my Christopher Guest collection, got season seven of the Simpsons and Will topped me off with Beck’s “Guerolito”, the remix album. Some really great shit on there including a remix of “Missing” by Air. Those guys were meant to work together. I like the remix better than the original.
Graagh! My voice is rendered useless by attacking parasites.
Somehow this sickness is related to acid reflux. Goddamn fucking acid reflux.
I received a letter from my union today. Anyone who wants to be my spouse or dependant can get TOTAL COVERAGE (delivered as LeCerta, the photographer from Fear & Loathing). They sent me a list of drugs I can get for nothing. Man. There was some crazy shit on there. They had a category entitled “hypnotics”. Awesome. I should try those.
In Responsible Hospital news, another resident escaped today. Got out around 1:30 and as of 10:55 he is still missing. Careful, he has AIDS, so no one in Manhattan have sex with any black men until we get him back. He’s black, by the way, I’m not just saying that. Well, I am, but the escaped resident is also black so it doesn’t come from TOTAL nowhere.
Again, never let anyone you love be sent here. They will be punished for their sins and the sins of others. My shift nears its end. Tomorrow, I will either start Mrs. Norris & Jonathan Strange or You Shall Know Our Velocity. The ending of AHWOSG was alright. I feel like he ran out of things to say. YSKOV is fiction and it will be interesting to see with what his imagination can come up. I believe that sentence is grammatically correct but, lord, is it ugly. Other than those two books, I’ve been pressured to read the sixth Harry Potter book, but I fear the resulting stupidity. I do have a book of Dahl’s short stories I still have to dance through also…and tomorrow I’ll have C&H although that isn’t really heavy material (speaking for the content, of course). Perhaps after I read Harry Potter 6 I’ll jump onto C&H. Makes sense. There is a small patch of broken glass in my sinuses and throat. They spin when I try to sleep.
3:07 PM
There was a box of doughnuts that had been sitting on top of the microwave for the past few days. Over the past few days the microwave had been used several times. In fact, at about 2:50, I put a cup of water in there to make tea, but by the time it was finished, I realized that there would not be enough time for me to let the bag steep, add sugar and milk and drink the tea before I had to leave. I was about to walk out the door, tealess and cranky, when I remembered that there was one doughnut left, a chocolate covered doughnut. My spirits lifted and I opened the box. The doughnut was warm and gooey. It took a second before I remembered that when the microwave is used, it produces heat and objects on top of the microwave will sometimes be affected by said heat. I ate the doughnut anyway since I had eaten nothing yet and because my fingers were covered with chocolate. As I finished this gooey snack treat, I reflected on the amount of radiation this and the other doughnuts had been exposed to over the past few days. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot.
I will keep an eye on my stool to see if that is affected and I will keep you all informed if I grow any taller.
8:44 PM
I think the reason I believe it’s been a mild winter is that I don’t go outside that often.
9:50 PM
Herm. Ahemy herm herm.
So…when you look at me…do you think: modern adaptation of the Norse Thunder God, Thor? I hope the three of you reading this said yes because that who I shall be portraying at the Red Room on March 6th, 7th and 8th. In a play most likely titles “Fables of the Thunder God” I shall play a modern version of Thor named Tor (short for Torrance). The script is good and will include numerous anal sex jokes as per my contractual stipulations.
In my career I have played God (Testament) and Satan (Shark Week). And now I take on the mantle of Thor. Maybe next I’ll play that multi-armed elephant god: Multi-Armed Elephant God. Perhaps Jesus? I could do that. Jesus in the house.
Goodness has the sickness hit me! It nests in my head and throat and sinuses. It floats in the back of my mind, making me have to ask people to repeat things. It grinds mortar in my throat, making my voice sound like Kaitlyn after a few gin and tonics. It writhes in my sinuses, rushing forward to blind m with pressure. Fucking body. Unable to defend itself against this onslaught. I am being raped again and again…by my self and its battered immune system.
I installed my new stereo system. It was about time. My old stereo used to have three working CD slots (all of them capable of playing CD-R’s and CD’s), a decent AM/FM radio and a dual cassette player. After about five years, the disc trays stuck, CD-r’s would no longer play (that’s a weird one), both tape decks were fucked and when you turned it on it made loud clicking sounds.
I got the fucking hook up for Xmas. Some sweet Bose thing called the Wave. I just picked up a tape deck from J&R so now I am set. Same deal as the last one but four disc slots and the ability t play mp3 CD’s. Tasty stuff.
I also scored the hundred and fifty pound Complete Calvin & Hobbes. I had that mailed up and should be receiving it tomorrow. Aside from that I completed my Christopher Guest collection, got season seven of the Simpsons and Will topped me off with Beck’s “Guerolito”, the remix album. Some really great shit on there including a remix of “Missing” by Air. Those guys were meant to work together. I like the remix better than the original.
Graagh! My voice is rendered useless by attacking parasites.
Somehow this sickness is related to acid reflux. Goddamn fucking acid reflux.
I received a letter from my union today. Anyone who wants to be my spouse or dependant can get TOTAL COVERAGE (delivered as LeCerta, the photographer from Fear & Loathing). They sent me a list of drugs I can get for nothing. Man. There was some crazy shit on there. They had a category entitled “hypnotics”. Awesome. I should try those.
In Responsible Hospital news, another resident escaped today. Got out around 1:30 and as of 10:55 he is still missing. Careful, he has AIDS, so no one in Manhattan have sex with any black men until we get him back. He’s black, by the way, I’m not just saying that. Well, I am, but the escaped resident is also black so it doesn’t come from TOTAL nowhere.
Again, never let anyone you love be sent here. They will be punished for their sins and the sins of others. My shift nears its end. Tomorrow, I will either start Mrs. Norris & Jonathan Strange or You Shall Know Our Velocity. The ending of AHWOSG was alright. I feel like he ran out of things to say. YSKOV is fiction and it will be interesting to see with what his imagination can come up. I believe that sentence is grammatically correct but, lord, is it ugly. Other than those two books, I’ve been pressured to read the sixth Harry Potter book, but I fear the resulting stupidity. I do have a book of Dahl’s short stories I still have to dance through also…and tomorrow I’ll have C&H although that isn’t really heavy material (speaking for the content, of course). Perhaps after I read Harry Potter 6 I’ll jump onto C&H. Makes sense. There is a small patch of broken glass in my sinuses and throat. They spin when I try to sleep.
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