Eet's...In...My...BEH-LEE

4.30.10

4:22 pm

It's days like this I am happy I do not have allergies...

...he said as his eyes swelled shut...

I was in Starbucks earlier and decided to do something.

I am going to become a regular at as many Starbucks as I can and then get friendly enough with one barista is each that I can invite them to hang out some time.

I'll make it very clear it isn't a date or anything, just, you know, hanging out with some friends.

Then, I'll see how long it takes these dozen or so people to realize that they're ALL Starbucks baristas.

'Twill be quite the minde fucke.

On a completely unrelated note, I want my apartment to look like the last 20 minutes of "Alien". 

Seriously though, if you have a self destruct sequence going off, why would you trigger strobe lights?

That has to be the most disorienting thing possible!

I suppose the people making the ship were like, "okay, we have the really calm, grandmotherly voice telling us the ship is about to blow up...let's juxtapose that with some klaxons and disco lights, that ought to make this challenging."

What assholes.

Assholes or not, I did crack open the goddamn NINE disc Aliens Quadrilogy thing last night and watched "Alien" for the first time in a while.

Turns out I must have seen this movie quite a few times as I remember pretty much everything from it.

Really amazing movie though.

The space ship looks so perfectly spaceshippy.

It isn't that plain, white super futuristic set up or the cheesy 50's Buck Rogers motif either.

You look at it and think, "That's the inside of a space ship."

The acting was great too.

Just so natural and understated.

The two engineers constantly squabbling over their share of the money adds a lot.

The whole thing was just so well done, probably because of the cast.

For a sci-fi movie from the 70's that is a tight line up.

The Hobbit is a fucking android with milkblood!

What more do you want from anything, let alone a movie?

I also dig the total lack of exposition.

It's clear enough what's happening without everyone sitting around and telling you.

Way to go Ridley, you poncy Brit, you.

And all that trouble over ONE alien.

And the alien itself?

Jesus.

Is H.G. Geiger dead? I hope not.

All his designs were amazing.

I think the reason the alien is so effective is because it's one of the first times we've seen an alien being that isn't the tall, gray, big eyed humanoid or just a bunch of tentacles.

These things look like nightmares.

Only real problem with this movie, and this is totally my fault because I've seen it so many times (apparently), is the predictability.

Uh oh, crashed space ship.

We should investigate!

No, you shouldn't.

It's some of the same horror movie logic that makes people with no cell phone signal and one fading, flickering flashlight between them decide not to find a pay phone to call the cops and to descend into the boiler room/Ritual Slorgg Pit of the Church of Cthulhu's Infinite Maw alone.

At least in "Alien" they have that directive from the Company to sort of cover that.

I'm going to claw my way through the rest of these as soon as I can although I have a feeling that the others aren't going to be a great.

Oh, and Cake is returning to New York in September.

So far Lisa, Kathy, me and Lisa's friend are going.

I'd highly recommend it if you like faux country snark rock with a five to ten minute lambaste about the environment and the Evils of Ringtones.

I really hope this show heralds a new album.

I'm getting rather sick of finding one tidbit of new album (usually consisting of "we're playing guitar today!") news every month floating in a sea of links to how we're destroying the planet.

As long as they release, say, four more albums (including that live album that they delayed indefinitely) before we exhaust the Earth's natural resources, I'm good.

Here's to Cake: the saddest bastards in rock.

5:40 pm

Something popped up on the NIN Hotline (the most official unofficial Nine Inch Nails news source) about a new project Reznor is working on called How To Destroy Angels.

The 6-track, self-titled EP is slated for "Summer 2010" and, at the moment, looks to be a collaboration between him, his wife, Mariqueen (who used to be in a terrible pop band called West Indian Girl, not sure if she was just a back up singer or lead singer or writer or what but it's pretty bad), Atticus Ross (12 Rounds, the Book of Eli score and the last few NIN albums) and Alan Moulder (super producer of all typesa shit, including the last few NIN releases).

Right now, there are two video clips on the web site, one showing Mariqueen playing a very NIN sounding synth thing over a very NIN sounding beat and one showing Atticus (in a shirt with FRILLED SLEEVES!!!!) playing a simple bass line over some very NIN sounding background noise.

In fact, this sounds like instrumental bits of Ghosts, Year Zero and The Slip being retooled, but, then again, these are 40 second long clips and Reznor has proven he's rull good at bucking expectations.

I just hope this isn't a "isn't my wife a real good singer, everybody?!" thing.

That would be a bummer.

To be fair, he's never really done anything like that and most things he collaborates on turn out to be great and pioneering in some sense or other like Antichrist Superstar or Niggy Tardust, so I'm not worried.

He's also going to be doing some collaboration with Gary Numan (unless HTDA is part of that, although him, his wife, Atticus, Moulder AND Numan would be quit a lot of cooks for a 6 track EP) which should be pretty amazing based on Numan's past few albums which sound quite a bit NIN-esque.

Then there's the instrumental track he contributed to Tetsuo's latest film, "The Bullet Man", the Wave Goodbye tour DVD/Blu-Ray, Year Zero 2, Ghosts V-VIII and, finally, the ultimate reissue of 1999's "The Fragile".

Pretty excited to see what's on that one.

It was originally set for a March 2010 release so...yeah, but as long as we get it before 2011, I'm stoked.

Honestly, I'd rather he not tour for a while and just make music, be it Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor or collaborations with people.

Touring costs me sooo much money, worth it or not.

I think I'ma order me some tacos for dinner.

6:31 pm

I ordered beef lo mein and egg rolls instead of tacos.

SO FICKLE.

BE THE APPETITES.

OF A GOD.

**********************************
This afternoon the Conservatory Garden smelled like nutmeg and midtown smelled like chocolate.

Such Excitement!!!d

4.29.10

4:24 pm

Racing!

WHIZ!

BOOSH!!!!

I am, apparently, the front runner for an on-screen thing, but my callback was at 2:40 today!

Had to get to work!

Couldn't make it!!

Had an urge to check my voice mail and found an URGENT MESSAGE from my manager.

Turns out the casting folks down on 22nd are "freaking out" about me not being able to be there!

AHHHHHH!

So I said I could make it on my break and he set things into motion...

So now I have about an hour before I fling myself from 105th to 22nd in hopes of making this callback for the project that I am, apparently, the front runner for.

I have been the front runner before, only to end up the back runner and then the not runner, but this feels good, this feels solid...man I feel like I'm on speed...

Also, I got the Aliens Quadrilogy today.

Nine muggerfugging discs.

And I did NOT know that Joss "Fuxed By Fox" Whedon wrote the fourth movie

I will now be looking for a good movie whereas before I was only looking forward to a mediocre one.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three Things.

4.28.10

3:12 pm

First:

On the subway today I saw the poster for the new Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe.

Boy oh boy does he look angry.

I'm wondering if they're going to keep more to the book this time around.

Stave-length comparing ahoy!

Second:

Also saw an ad for the **!!NEW!!** Dunking Doughnaughts Tuna Cheddar Melt.

Just a heads up, in case anyone was planning on getting me one for my Birthday: I would rather eat hair.

Third:

I have been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I'm about halfway through the second season and it's beginning to wear on me.

Just as a lot of Seinfeld's issues could have been solved with a phone call or a moment's thought, the same goes for this show but xmax.

And they can say curse words!!

I suppose the biggest problem with CYE is that, every once in a while, you come out of it and realize you're watching a rich, neurotic asshole live his rich, neurotic asshole life.

You know that guy is worth about 500 million dollars?

What the fuck does he have to complain about?

Ever?

But, again, I suppose that's the point of the show.

That's been running for six seasons or so.

Yag.

Okay.

That's it.

O. M. G.

4.27.10

4:06 pm

People get excited about different things.

I, for one, get excited when news of the new Bond movie surfaces or when a band I like is about to put out a new album, etc.

Sometimes it's as simple as catching the bus right as I arrive at the stop or a nice breeze.

Understandably, things that excite me don't excite there people and vice versa; this team is in the World Series, that Pope is going to say this about that, etc.

But, every once in a while, you hear about something that really shouldn't, at least in your own humble, insignificant opinion, excite anyone.

For example. the new sandwich from KFC which replaces the bread with chicken.

Yes.

Chicken-sandwich filling-chicken.

From the minds that created the KFC Famous Bowl.

The chicken-instead-of-bread sandwich.

As I have just said, this should not excite anyone.

Here's why, broken down into demographics:

1. People Who Have Never Heard of KFC - Because they've never heard of it and will continue their lives as such.

2. People Who Have Heard of KFC (a few sub categories here)

A. People who know of KFC, but never eat there - because they never eat there.

B. People who know of KFC and eat there as a joke - They'll try the new sandwich, regret it immediately and then never eat it again.  Yes, perhaps there is excitement, but it is ironic and short lived at best.

C. People who know KFC and eat there often AKA fat people - They will hear the news that all that nasty, deceptively healthy bread (in this instance, the "deceptively" in "deceptively healthy" refers to the fact that, although bread is supposed to be healthy, this is KFC bread and not made from things usually considered to be healthy) has been replaced with deceptively mouth-watering, chicken (in this instance, the "deceptively" in "deceptively mouth-watering" refers to the fact that, although some (fat) people think the chicken is mouth-watering, it isn't, they are thinking about pudding at the same time and their mouths are watering because of that), get a fat hard on and die instantly, never actually making their way to their local KFC to purchase and "enjoy" the sandwich. So, again, yes, you might say there is some excitement, but it is fatal and, therefore, short lived.

D. Black people - Because they're trying to stem the tide of stereotypes*.

But folks...I...was...WRONG.

Just now, the person not three feet from me asked, in a hushed, beholding-the-Light-of-Truth-for-the-first-time voice: "...did you try the new sandwich...?"

In response, this person's friend said, in a I-have-blown-the-cock-of-the-Lord-and-it-was-Good voice: Yes! It had barbeque sauce on it!!!"

Hey, even I can be wrong sometimes.

Anyway, I spent some time with Red Hot Chili Peppers'  "One Hot Minute" album yesterday and today.

Man , is that solid.

Also listened to the new New Pornographers album,  "Together ". 

A disappointment after "Challengers", but there's still some good stuff on there. "My Shepard" and "Valkyrie in the Roller Disco" are pretty great.

It's a bummer that I don't dig Nico Case's solo stuff as she is mighty talented and her voice has wonderful layers to it. 

Just a bit too folk/country for me.

Just as A.C. Newman's solo stuff is a bit too trendy SoHo chic for me.

I just hope they both skip the solo albums this time around and put out a new NP album before 2013.

Re-reading Palahniuk's Snuff.

Then Turn Coat, then Changes, then the first three Demon Prince's books, then the new Palahniuk, Tell-All, which, according to early reviews is a lot like old Palahniuk.

So busy so busy!!!!!!!!

And production is halted on my latest (and possibly greatest) song because of my lack of a keyboard.

Need to get on that as I may have a number one on my hands...by which I mean urine.

I may have a urine on my hands.

Excuse me. 

 

6:57 pm

Remember how the Duane Reade was playing that horrendous thing the other day?

I was just there, and they were playing "Steal My Sunshine" by Len.

Ouch.

That's low.

"Does she like...butter tarts?"

She does.

She does like butter tarts.

7:02 pm

Also, the reason I was at Duane Reade was for a snack.

I wandered about for a while and discovered something hot.

It's called Poppycock.

It's Cracker Jack for adults.

And it's called Poppycock.

Thank you, shambling corpse of Orville Redenbacher, thank you.

Hm.

Speaking of Orville Redenbacher, put a gray wig, moustache and beard on him and you've got the Colonel.

Ha!

The synchronicity tastes like a chicken-poppycock-chicken sandwich.

9:29 pm

One last thing.

During my lunch, I saw a tanker with the name AirGas on it.

I think that's a funny name for a gas company.

It would be like a restaurant called HamFood or something.

I'd eat there, but every time I did, I'd certainly think to myself, "Now that's a funny name for a restaurant" and I'd smile.

*Phil and Danielle and I went to a KFC in her old neighborhood in BFE Brooklyn and the whole place looked like the set from some National Lampoon movie from the 70's, namely the set of Animal House when the guys went to that club, but instead of a club, it was a KFC, and, while no one asked to dance wiff our dates, a black guy DID try to sell me a bootleg of The Dark Knight.

So fuck you.

Lost...IN A FOREST OF RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM!!!!!

4.26.10

3:50 pm

Seriously, if this turns out to be one big analogy or metaphor or fucking stupid "modern fable", I'm coming after J.J. Abrams with a erection made of blood and steel.

Fair warning.

I thought there was more quantum physics and less Jesus-loves-the-little-children going on, but now, I be not as sure as I was before.

Call me Doubting Thomas!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, don't, just wrap this thing up well.

Man in Black indeed...

Saw Kick Ass this weekend with Lisa.

Did a pretty good job making an 8-issue mini series into a fun two hour movie.

I downloaded the comic because, as it turns out, I'd only read the first four issues.

Nicholas Cage did an all right job, but it was still good to see him burned to death.

I think that was for all the people who like Ghost Rider (the book) and were a bit upset with Ghost Rider (the movie).

As Lisa put it, he is, indeed, a Stuff Ruiner.

AND speaking of Lisa, she's going to do a Dark Tower show at some point and I'm going on there to geek off with her and...Ti? Or Ty?

Whatever the other lady's name is.

Major questions raised by that short, "UR"...

And...finally...I'm about two play sessions out from being done with Fallout 3.

I think I stopped completely enjoying the game the fifth time in a half hour it froze for no reason, causing me to lose twenty minutes of play and restart my PS3.

This game. Is so fucking broken.

How can Bethesda QA let this thing out?!

There was a button that was supposed to open a door...it wasn't there.

The button. Wasn't there.

Asses.

Anyway, maybe five or six hours and I'm done with Fallout 3 until I want to be.

Looking forward to it.

Finally, I had an audition today.

I think it went well and it's with a casting agency that knows me and that I've gotten jobs with in the past, two actually.

Thing is...I want this job.

Not for the money or the exposure, but for the hilarity inherent in it.

I'll say more if I get it.

Finally, Some Bloodshed

4.22.10

4:17 pm

First off, the title refers to a recent episode of Burn Notice.

I'm about halfway through the third (and final?) season and they're finally getting their shit together and upping the stakes a bit.

People are actually getting hit and hurt by the bullets being fired from the guns!

Plus, they've introduced some reoccurring characters and most of them are great, namely Jay Kearns, "Dutch" from The Shield and, for a bit, Sons of Anarchy.

The show is still very USA, but you can see some extra money spent here and there.

The more they break out of the 5%-story-arc-95%-filler episode plan, the better the show is.

Anyway.

Had an audition today as the Frankenstein monster.

I don't think my resume would be surprised to have that added if I do get this one.

Finally, I just found a scrap of paper left here by another worker.

It reads:

"Prayer is the answer to every problem in life. It puts us in tune with Devine Wisdom which knows how to adjust everything perfectly.So often we do not prey in certain situations because from our standpoint the outlook is impossible.  But nothing is impossible with God. Nothing is so entangled that it cannot be remedied. No human relation is too strained for God to (something, her handwriting is awful)." 

My question: when does faith go from being a beautiful testament of humankind's ability to believe to blind idiots, clambering around in darkness and clutching at, literally, nothing; trusting because they know they have no power whatsoever to change the things happening to them?

When is faith giving up?

When is "letting go and letting God" just a lazy response to an overwhelming situation?

Just how unoriginal and adolescent (on a scale of 1 to 10) are these question taking into account that they're being asked on a blog?

Test on Monday.

More Like 'Little Red Analogy'!

4.21.10

3:07 pm

When I woke up today, I turned on the radio and heard Prince's "Little Red Corvette".

You know, I think that song might be about...you know...sex.

I mean, not the lyrics themselves, but the meaning of the lyrics, you know?

It was...well, kind of shocking.

Just wanted to share.

One thing I don't get, "I guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways".

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Like, she has a sideways vagina?

Then again, this might be the only single entendre in the entire song.
Boy, do I have questions for Prince...

Hotzis

4.20.10

3:36 pm

SMMMMMMMMMMMOKE-A-BOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

Anyway.

I watched "The Reader" last night.

Kate Winslet played a hot Nazi.

Or Hotzi, as it were.

She joins the ranks of the blonde chick from Last Crusade and Sherri Moon.

Her nipples are BIG.

Oscar Nipples, they call them in the industry.

Yep.

For real.

Not a bad movie, gets better about half way through, when the plot starts happening.

Ralph Fiennes did a great job, but it was weird to see him with a nose.

I've been watching too much Harry Potter.

Whenever there was a tense moment (and there are a few in this movie) I was waiting for Ralph to use the Killing Spell on someone.

That idea is just stupid enough for an SNL skit.

Maybe throw in some farting.

Hyuk hyuk hyuk...

Here's a question: who designed the uniforms for the Nazis?

I know comics and that lot have all talked about this and it IS very funny, but, seriously, who did?

They're awesome.

The uniforms, not the Nazis.

I've also been reading a bunch of "Versus" comics.

You know, crossover stuff.

Marvel Vs. D.C., Apocalypse Vs. Dracula, Batman Vs. Spiderman, Batman Vs. Judge Dredd, everyone Vs. Alien and Predators.

Seems like Aliens and Predators are just pissing EVERYBODY off.

I've read the first Batman Vs. Predator and the first Superman Vs. Aliens.

Hint: Batman and Superman don't lose.

I'm now reading Superman Vs. Terminator.

They mix it up a bit so it isn't just Superman punching robots.

I've noticed that the good "Vs." books don't include a lengthy intro to both parties before the plot starts.

And a lot of these do.

Eventually, I'm going to read, ready for this?, Batman and Superman Vs. Aliens and Predators.

Honestly? My money's on Batman and Superman.

I'll keep you posted.

Or maybe not. 

Suck-U-Copia

4.15.10

7:35 pm

You ever find out that your preparations are made of cardboard held together with diarrhea and gasoline?

Yeah.

I got that.

Finished the second season of Burn Notice last night.

Main problem I have with that show is that the overarching plot is really only three of the sixteen episodes.

And, yes, I know that's how TV works, blow me, but it's so damned obvious on Burn Notice.

I also dislike the main character's mother.

She is played by the mother from Queer As Folk (U.S.A.).

Sharon Gleis or something.

Same role, but she smokes more and says "cock" less.

Bruce Campbell is doing his best, but I feel as if they told him to be 40% less Bruce Campbell that he usually is.

Whatever, bottom line is: it's not a great show, but at least I'm not just sitting around actively dying.

I'm watching TV.

Just discovered "Archer" thanks to Colin and I think I'm going to be okay with this show.

Plus, Chris and I are watching the final season of "Lost".

Parallel universes, eh?

You better have more than that to bring to the table.

I listen to music made by the son of the guy who INVENTED that shiznit.

That last should be read with the same intonation as if I were saying, "Parallel universes? I eat parallel universes for BREAKFAST!"

Good?

Good.

Started Thud!, the second to last (or thereabouts) Discworld book.

Kind of disappointing so far.

It's not snapping and zinging on every page like his stuff usually does.

You'd think it would seem that way even if it wasn't after slogging through the abortion of Mostly Harmless, but, no.

I'll just have to write a better book, n'est pas?

Non.

Non.

I Went For A Walk On A Stalk Of Wheat

4.14.10

7:40 pm

You ever feel...sort of prepared for something that might be coming and might be bad?

Yeah.

I got that going on.

The Wonderful Lovelies...or is it Lovely Wonderfuls...at Adrenalina had me dip my balls in some VO today.

I dig those guys.

And, more importantly, they dig me.

And NASCAR digs them.

Catfish?

Did you know that NASCAR is coming?

Yes.

They are coming to New York.

Why, you ask, on Earth would NASCAR be coming to New York?

I will TELL you why...because the marketing people behind NASCAR understand the money to be made in Irony.

Think of it: you're a Hipster Toilet Bowl hanging out in some bar named after a type of thimble they don't make any more when, while drinking a sarcastic drink and talking in a disinterested tone about a band that's bleeding edge for the next fourteen minutes, you hear some other Hipster Toilet Bowl mention that there's a NASCAR race going on tonight.

You HAVE to go just to look at the freaks who'd actually spend money on this!

NASCAR thanks you.

You stubbly douches have just doubled their revenue.

Maybe you'll even buy one of those big beers and deep fried turkey legs, you know, just to be Ironic.

But this has nothing to do with Adrenalina's thing I did today.

That's just me, sad and angry I'm not as cool as Hipster Toilet Bowls.

*le sigh*

I was in Duane Reade today buying water and Gummi Bears and the music...it was horrible, yes, of course it was, but it was too perfectly horrible to be just bad music.

It's as if it had been...crafted.

It wasn't so bad it was funny, it wasn't so quiet it could be ignored, it wasn't so catchy it was stick on you, it was just so PERFECTLY bland...

It was like static playing instruments and singing.

And I'm convinced it doesn't exist anywhere in the universe except for on the PA at Duane Reade.

And, since it was the Duane Reade on 103rd and Madison, I'm pretty sure it's what all the black people are mad about now.

Slavery?

Fuck that shit, that's alllll water under the bridge compared to this.

This isn't something my great grandparents did to their great grandparents; this is something I am doing to them...NOW.

I come in with my big headphones on and they just KNOW that I'm listening to that shit right now.

That's why I'm smiling.

That's why I'm saying please.

That's why I'm saying thank you.

Because I'm a cracka ass cracka, makin' them listen to this honkey ass shit alllll day long.

Oh, wait.

No, it's not.

It's because I'm being polite.

Anyway.

On my way home from the Adrenalina thing, there were some marvelous bongo players on the E.

I am not being sarcastic or wangy.

They were really, really proficient and didn't miss a beat, even on the horrible lurch the E and V always take about three quarters through the ride.

They were really, really good.

But I did not want to hear bongos.

I wanted to hear The Spine by They Might Be Giants because I hadn't listened to it all the way through in a few years.

No matter how great the Bongo Men were, I was not in the mood for them and therefore did not want to hear them.

I wasn't annoyed at or by them, I just did not want to hear them, so I turned what I wanted to hear up to drown out what I did not want to hear.

If Meryl Streep were acting up a storm in front of you on the train, but you really just weren't in the mood for it, you'd ignore her, right?

Even if you thought she was great in both the Oscar nominated Doubt and the slapstick-zombie-comic romp Death Becomes Her, if you are just not in the mood for her, you're not going to want to see her, you're going to want to listen to The Spine by They Might Be Giants or What's The Story, Morning Glory? by Oasis or fucking Piano Sonata 16 in C by Mozart.

If you don't want to hear something, but something is all up in your face, you're not going to suddenly want to hear it just because it's loud.

Unless you're a chicken.

They are easily distracted and can drown by looking up in a rainstorm.

But that's evolution for you.

The Second Half of 'The Wrestler'

4.7.10

10:18 pm

So:

1. No.

2. Sort of.

3. I don't know.

4. Yes, lots.

Just finished the fifth and final book of The Hitchhiker's Guide.

The last book, Mostly Harmless, was a bit like diarrhea.

It seems to just keep going and going, then you think it's over, then it keeps on going.

And, when it's done, you have an unpleasant, brown sludge left behind and your ass is bleeding.

I don't blame Douglas Adams; it's common knowledge that he didn't want the last book published, I blame the asshole(s) who thought money was more important than keeping this turd safely tucked away somewhere.

Like at the bottom of a septic tank.

Had an audition today.

But I signed a non-disclosure agreement.

So I can't tell you anything.

What I will say is that it reminded me of an audition I had years ago for some toilet paper commercial.

In it, I was playing the voice of Elvis.

I said something about how "tender" I was and how this toilet paper was good, and the last line was a woman announcer saying "Elvis has left the bathroom."

Obviously, the commercial was never made.

You don't have Elvis hawking toilet paper...especially since he died on the toilet.

This thing today had nothing to do with Elvis or toilet paper, but it just felt like something that...might not be made.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm completely off base.

I suppose we'll see.

Don't think I got it though.

I woke with a fever today, 99.4 and then woke later with a higher fever, 100.7, so I definitely didn't bring both guns to this audition.

Which is a bummer.

Oh well.

Shit happens.

And Elvis has left the bathroom.

In a body bag.

Because he shit himself to death.

True story.

The First Half of 'The Wrestler'

4.6..10

3:29 pm

Had an audition earlier today, went pretty well, but THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

When I got home I put on "The Wrestler".

I've watched about half of it.

Here are my predictions for the last half:

1. There will be awkward sex between Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei

2.  Evan Rachel Wood AKA Li'l Miss Emotional Amplifier will have a wary reconciliation with her father.

3. Mickey Rourke will die in his comeback wrestling match.

4. There will be more sad music.

Seriously though, going back to ERW, she's on screen for less than a minute before dragging all the estranged and angry daughter tropes screaming from the vaults.

She goes from zero to sullen to ACTING in thirty seconds, time it.

It's very...emotional.

She even makes the "what do you want from me?!" hand-to-body gesture while demanding, "What do you want from me?!"

Someone get this girl an Oscar...made of pacing.

Anyway.

Over the weekend and at work yesterday I put some work in on my next "song".

It's about this dude at work I loathe.

My friends, it is BILIOUS.

I don't think I've been happier with something I've done in some time, song-wise, at least.

When it's closer to fruition, I'll give you some more background.

Oh, I'm just about done with the final Hitchhiker's Guide book.

Man, is it dragging.

I keep hoping for the characters themselves to explode this time.

Finished the first season of Burn Notice and, since I'm going into the second, I suppose I liked it.

And I've noticed something about Ennis' The Boys comic.

Nothing is happening.

Or if they are, they're happening sooooo slowly, they might as well not be happening at all.

There are some interesting set ups, but I can see them dragging these set ups along like loaded guns that are just going to make a PAFF noise when they're finally fired.

Seriously, it's impressive for a book to be so unsubtle while at the same time having nothing occurring with the story.

I get it: all superheroes are degenerate scum and The Boys are the bad good guys/good bad guys, lesser of two evils etc. but, 30 plus issues in and nothing seems to be happening.

I have just cracked the sixth trade (issues 30 through 38, I believe), here's hoping something interesting happens.

Happen, happen, happen.

There.

Happy Easter.

Meet the Easter Horrors.

Binding Silence 2010

Can't believe I forgot to put this up.
Ray has done a new edit of "Binding Silence", the short film that he wrote and directed and which I starred in in 2006.
It was 21 minutes and now it's 13 and change with credits.

For all you Nine Inch Nails fans out there, this is the film from which our "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" video (which has over 1,100,000 hits at this point) was made.

I still find it hard to watch myself acting in something that isn't a commercial about sharks, Satan or being tall, but we got enough positive feedback on this for me to realize I must not be doing that bad.
We won the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival, yo.
Enjoy.

Burn and Burn Notice

4.1.10

3:53 pm

I started watching Burn Notice last night since nothing is going to move on my Netflix queue unless I do something about it, goddamnit.

I was misinformed about this show.

I was under the impression that Bruce Campbell was the star, playing a CIA agent type who was totally cut off from the Government and his adventures from that point on.

I was wrong; he's like the friend of the guy who gets cut off etc. etc.

He's playing Bruce Campbell, a little toned down, and loving it, so I'm happy.

The lead, Jeffery Donovan, looks like Val Kilmer's less gay brother and his ex-girlfriend/soon-to-be girlfriend, Gabrielle Anwar (King Henry's sister from The Tudors) is insanely hot in that Miami model sort of way.

You know, fake but you'd still make sex with it?

The show isn't too bad, I'm enjoying it, but their style...well, they almost have their own style, but right now there's nothing really setting it apart from any other Miami crime show.

The music, the transitions, the random hitching of the camera...nothing really interesting about it.

But he's like a funny MacGyver, so I'm in.

And plus, Bruce Campbell.

Oh, but the show has made me decide that pedophiles should NOT be allowed within 100 miles of Miami.

Or, if they must be, that their penises and testicles are removed, chemically.

Jail bail ahoo hoo!

If this creepy Pedo-Commune under the highway Phil was going on about a while ago is real, I now totally understand the need for it.

Some many boobs and bottoms!!!!!

And syphilis, I'd imagine.

I'm now on the last fifth of Douglas Adams' epic Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy "trilogy".

Josh (who lent me his copy of the Ultimate Guide about, no kidding five years ago) mentioned that I could probably stop reading after the second book.

I can see what he means.

It's not that the writing gets bad, it's pure Douglas, it's just that each book seems to be more and more a collection of tiny adventures with nothing connecting them.

Like he should have written thirty short stories rather than five books.

It's good to see some character development with Arthur Dent though.

Glad he dropped the puzzled, unwilling bystander role.

Once I've finished the short story Young Zaphod Plays It Safe and the final book, Mostly Harmless, I'm going to re-watch the movie which I remember being good for about an hour before they decided to throw out the other 600 pages of Douglas Adams' books and just start making shit up.

Malkovich as an evil, spider-legged, head robot thing or no, they did these books a disservice.

Xmax.

But Sam Rockwell as Zaphod?

Perfect casting.

And Alan Rickman as Marvin?

Jesus, amazing.

That guy's voice...::munch::

And that musical number was pure, shimmering brilliance.

Haven't played Fallout for a couple days...getting the shakes...but in a good way.

And finally, seeing as it is April Fools, I posted something on my Facebook about Vagrant Records contacting me regarding George Washington Diarrhea.

As if ANYONE ON THIS WORLD would be interested in SPREADING my "music" to a wider audience...

This stuff is POISON, man.

And I'll hopefully have two more ampoules of cyanide for you all to rub on your ass neck soon.

Psst...they're going to be awful...