Never really been a fan of prequels, but I understand this film had a job to do and it did it just fine: introduce this ridiculously powerful character and show her being ridiculously powerful so we can just get right into that in Endgame.
I could take or leave the whole 90's nostalgia thing. I was there. These things (slow internet, Blockbuster Video, No Doubt) existed. Cool.
I thought Coulson was kind of needless aside from establishing him and how Iron Man "wasn't his first rodeo". Again, this movie had some boxes to check and it did so.
I felt that everyone on Starforce except for Minerva had little to no personality and I didn't care if they lived or died. I was happy Lee Pace didn't use his silly now i am emphasizing things voice from GotG, but that's it, another rather needless character.
But, my biggest problem, the reason why I might never bother to watch this film again*...is that they pulled another goddamn Mandarin.
I was so excited to finally get some payoff from the Ten Rings thing in the first two Iron Man films and ON TOP OF THAT have Ben Fucking Kingsley playing the Mandarin! Then...nah. Yes, it was HILARIOUS to see him as the drug-addled Trevor Slattery, but I would have so much rather have had him be the Mandarin.**
Anyway, when they announced that there were Skrulls in CM, I. Was. In. The implications of that...Secret Invasion along with the events of Infinity War? Oh man, comic book crossover gold. But...nah. In another startling original twist that shouldn't have happened, Skrulls are the victims and there will be no Secret Invasion. At least not yet. I suppose, among other boxes that have been checked by this film, we can add the existence of Skrulls and their skillset to the list.
I was happy to see that the first post credit scene just skipped the whole "who will save us?" thing and just dropped Danvers in. Good. I want all 475 minutes of Endgame to focus on awesome shit. No catch up, no "why are we fighting?! WE'RE ON THE SAME SIDE!!!" stuff, just 22 films and 11 years worth of action in my eyes.
I'm also really hoping they've got a reeeeally good reason for there being a Spider-Man 2, and a Doctor Strange 2, and a GotG 3, and a Black Panther 2.
* I'm lying to your face, I have already pre-ordered the steelbook Blu-Ray.
** There was that Marvel One-Shot, Hail To The King*** that indicated there's a real Mandarin out there...and that went exactly nowhere. Maybe phase 5?
*** Remember those? I miss those so hard...
3.16.2019
3.01.2019
I'm Doing Stuff Too...OSCAR EDITION (A Star Is Born, Vice)
How can there be good, interesting, well-written, well-directed films like The Favourite, and Into the Spider-Verse, and BlacKKKlansman nominated and winning awards, and ALSO A Star Is Born? Is Lady Gaga that popular? Are people that tired of thinking about films? Even Green Book (or How To Solve Racism In Eight Weeks) was better than this...
First off, I hate country music and most pop. So that could already put me solidly outside the demographic circle for this film. Secondly, people who say Lady Gaga is ugly have never seen a real ugly person. Is she ugly when compared to what the beauty and modeling and film industries have been telling us is beautiful for decades? Sure, but she's not ugly. She's barely movie ugly. You want ugly? Steve Buscemi is fucking ugly. He's talented as fuck, but he is someone H.P. Lovecraft would have slapped eyes on and then described as "batrachian". He's the child of Grendel and Gollum. And if HE had been discovered, singing French songs in drag by a drunken Bradley Cooper, I would have completely believed that "people like the way he sings, but they call him ugly". But Lady Gaga? Her face is a little weird. To me, this device is maybe one or two steps above the "ponytails and glasses make hot girls not hot" device that's been used, overused, beaten to death, exposed, parodied, AND THEN REBEATEN TO DEATH for years. It's sloppy. Something Oscar worthy films should not be.
Then there's all the trite shit that's trudged out for the billionth time for everyone to be surprised and impressed with. Ugh.
Look, I know this is a remake...of a remake, I think?...but I don't care. You know what needs a remake? The Silent Hill video game franchise. Resident Evil is cleaning up and we still have to contend with PSOne era graphics and controls if we want to experience the first Silent Hill. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED BY THIS RUSTY BLOB!
Also, I know he's become his own thing and a goddamn Oscar magnet, but I cannot see Bradley Cooper without seeing Michael Ian Black absolutely fucking the shit out of him in Wet Hot American Summer. I know Cooper would probably have been discovered at some point, but the fact that David fucking Wain put him in his first movie...aaahhh! Deeelicious. I prefered Gaga in American Horror Story. Her funkiness made more sense.
Now, as for Vice, I knew NOTHING about this film, not even a trailer. I heard Adam McKay had written and directed and I was stoked. In the end, I thought it would be funnier and I don't see the point of it. Okay, evil man in politics. Yeah. We're there guys. It's happening NOW. This did deserve Best Make-Up though. And Bale MIGHT be my pick for Best Actor for how hard he threw himself into Cheney. He must REALLY hate who he really is to be so good at taking on other roles... I'd hate to ever ruin a take on his set by checking a light... Someone suggested I check out The Big Short, but I saw a trailer and I don't need to. The twist though? Wow, masterfully done. Plus, Bale looking directly down the barrel and saying "you chose me...and I did what you asked" is chilling and sad and please let's only have 690 or so days left in this caldera of piss and shit and blood and fire and hate please.
Biggest problem: Sam Rockwell did not dance. I am heartbroken by this sad fact. But, we got to see how awesome a couple Lois Lane and Batman would be so.....ugh. I'll stop.
First off, I hate country music and most pop. So that could already put me solidly outside the demographic circle for this film. Secondly, people who say Lady Gaga is ugly have never seen a real ugly person. Is she ugly when compared to what the beauty and modeling and film industries have been telling us is beautiful for decades? Sure, but she's not ugly. She's barely movie ugly. You want ugly? Steve Buscemi is fucking ugly. He's talented as fuck, but he is someone H.P. Lovecraft would have slapped eyes on and then described as "batrachian". He's the child of Grendel and Gollum. And if HE had been discovered, singing French songs in drag by a drunken Bradley Cooper, I would have completely believed that "people like the way he sings, but they call him ugly". But Lady Gaga? Her face is a little weird. To me, this device is maybe one or two steps above the "ponytails and glasses make hot girls not hot" device that's been used, overused, beaten to death, exposed, parodied, AND THEN REBEATEN TO DEATH for years. It's sloppy. Something Oscar worthy films should not be.
Then there's all the trite shit that's trudged out for the billionth time for everyone to be surprised and impressed with. Ugh.
Look, I know this is a remake...of a remake, I think?...but I don't care. You know what needs a remake? The Silent Hill video game franchise. Resident Evil is cleaning up and we still have to contend with PSOne era graphics and controls if we want to experience the first Silent Hill. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED BY THIS RUSTY BLOB!
Also, I know he's become his own thing and a goddamn Oscar magnet, but I cannot see Bradley Cooper without seeing Michael Ian Black absolutely fucking the shit out of him in Wet Hot American Summer. I know Cooper would probably have been discovered at some point, but the fact that David fucking Wain put him in his first movie...aaahhh! Deeelicious. I prefered Gaga in American Horror Story. Her funkiness made more sense.
Now, as for Vice, I knew NOTHING about this film, not even a trailer. I heard Adam McKay had written and directed and I was stoked. In the end, I thought it would be funnier and I don't see the point of it. Okay, evil man in politics. Yeah. We're there guys. It's happening NOW. This did deserve Best Make-Up though. And Bale MIGHT be my pick for Best Actor for how hard he threw himself into Cheney. He must REALLY hate who he really is to be so good at taking on other roles... I'd hate to ever ruin a take on his set by checking a light... Someone suggested I check out The Big Short, but I saw a trailer and I don't need to. The twist though? Wow, masterfully done. Plus, Bale looking directly down the barrel and saying "you chose me...and I did what you asked" is chilling and sad and please let's only have 690 or so days left in this caldera of piss and shit and blood and fire and hate please.
Biggest problem: Sam Rockwell did not dance. I am heartbroken by this sad fact. But, we got to see how awesome a couple Lois Lane and Batman would be so.....ugh. I'll stop.
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