Oh Lexxy, You're So Sexxy

3.31.10
4:50 pm

Man is I be bushed.
In a good way though, like climbing a mountain of vaginas with your penis.
You know?

I did the recording session with Paul Donovan and it went great.
It also paid in cash.
Sooo...I went a tiny bit nuts.
Picked up God of War III (because, seriously, who am I kidding, I'm going to play this game, you don't own a Playstation 3 and not play this game; it looks so good it's like being skull fucked by Jesus.), fifty bucks worth of Garth Ennis' "The Boys" trades (never get tired of watching Simon Pegg punch people's heads off) and a new case for my iPod (though my last one was pretty much only for show).
See?
Insane.
I'm a hot mess.
A hot, hot mess.
God, I can't even use that phrase mockingly.

I've been listening to a lot of Kevin Smith's podcasts recently and, usually, he is one funny, filthy motherfather.
I find myself laughing out loud a lot listening to them.
In a "recent" one, he and his friend Malcolm were discussing Oscar movies from 2009 and I decided to watch "Doubt" last night.
Meryl Streep is, as always, excellent, but Philip Seymour Hoffman has been ruined for me by "The Big Lebowski" and "Happiness".
So, unless he's playing a character bigger than those guys, I tend to imagine him as either or both in whatever I'm watching him in.
Dig?
Oh, except for "Capote".
He was pretty singular in that.
And although it was a good movie, I can always tell a movie made from a play.
They all just feel so...play-ey.

Planning on watching "The Reader" or "The Wrestler" or some other movie the title of which starts with a "the", consists of two words and is then followed by a word starting with an "r" sound.
Any suggestions?

Still playing Fallout, although I may have to stop because in the time I've taken playing that game, I could have played four or five others game all the way through.
Not that that's a bad thing.
But if you give me a world as huge as Fallout, I'm going to explore the hell out of it.
Every once in a while, you buy a PS3 game, play it, finish it and then think, "Hm, that was $60?"
Not all the time, especially because I tend to read reviews, but every once in a while it happens.
Not with Fallout...whew.
It's like MUD-ding for Phil or the politics of Mars for Will.
But I've said enough about that game...for now.

I'm tired.
And hunger.
I have yet to eat.
I haven't eaten, in fact, since 2:30 this morning.
I've been vegan for almost fifteen hours!
It's horrible.
I'm going to take care of that in about...19 minutes.
Man, I am tired.
Oh, and check out that new song from George Washington Diarrhea also.
It's good.

NNNEEEWWW SSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!!

My band, George Washington Diarrhea, has just posted its latest "release".
It's called "(Old Lady) Playing Piano" and can be heard here.
Enjoy.

Couple. Things.

3.25.10

7:23 pm

Foist, on the Subway this afternoon, I saw a magazine peeking its sordid dick tip out of some fat woman's bag.

It read "...'s Heartbreak!!!" and showed the neck down of some female.

I just hope it wasn't that poor Britney Spears girl...she has gone through far too much heartbreak already...at least that whiny, sexless "Internet Icon" what's-its-name would have you believe.

Second, I wish that Starbucks would go back to not advertising. Or just letting it's faux coffee smell do the advertising for it, like McDonald's.

Seriously, you smell it you want it.

But these...warm-conversational-not-announcery-but-with-the-hint-of-a-smile ads they have in papers and on the trains are just giving me diarrhea.

Finally, I booked an interesting project this morning that records next week.
In a nutshell, an American movie shot in Germany and hired four German supporting actors.
Their American accents were...bad.
So the company hired four American voice actors to dub these people.
I am one of the dubbers.
Lawdamarcy.
It's called Blissetrasse and is written by Paul Donovan of Lexx fame.

That's it.

Sheer. Internet. Genius.

3.22.10

3:13 pm

Colin shared this with me and I'm sharing it with you.

A website (Colin) shamefacedly frequent(s) primarily because it is in the same family of websites as kotaku has decided that hipsters need a new name.  They have narrowed it down from twenty to five possibilities:

Doucheoisie
Plus: Was the most popular option, winning 25% of the vote. Sounds pretty.
Minus: Does it really describe hipsters, in particular? Also: Due to our nominal "douche" ban, we might have to enforce its use only in shortened "Schwazzie" form.
Fauxhemians
Plus: Really rolls off the tongue (sexxxily).
Minus: Is it mean enough?
Pabstsmears
Plus: Cleverly references PBR.
Minus: Takes extraordinarily exact pronunciation to distinguish it from a more all-purpose slur.
Probos (professional hobos)
Plus: Pithy; easy to say; might actually catch on.
Minus: What percentage of hipsters are professionals?
Trendsluts
Plus: Deliciously zingy.
Minus: Might offend sluts.

I like the first two and think the fifth is good, but not as clever.

More cutting though...

Whatever the worlds decides, I'll still call them trendy pseudo-intellectual assholes.

Super Mutant Brute's Head is Crippled!

3.17.10

8:28 pm

I have just finished the fifth and final book in Jack Vance's "Demon Princes"...quintilogy?

And now I must accept the fact that I will never write anything NEAR as well as this guy.

The story itself is nothing spectacular: A man named Kirth Gersen witnessed his family (except for his grandfather) killed by a coalition of bad guys (the "Demon Princes", humans all, but so evil in their deeds that they were named as such). spends years and years becoming a super bad ass assassin killer, then kills the five guys responsible.

Like most well written works, it's the simplicity that allows such expansion and nuances.

The writing...oh...so tasty! So fulfilling!

Every exchange is laced with acrid wit and the ridiculous detail Vance imparts his worlds with!

Such richness! Such depth!

Yow..

This wallybollicks...can WRITE.

Three words: Whippery. Ned. Ticket.

Done.

Depending on Phil's guidance, I might pick up "Planet of Adventure", also by Vance.

I remember him speaking fondly of it.

Aside from "Demon Princes", the release of the new Gorillaz has prompted me to reread "Rise of the Ogre", the Gorillaz story from the perspective of the band.

Man is that fiction enjoyable.

I wish there were some official lyrics out there somewhere...

The bits and pieces found on "official" lyrics sites are laughable.

After Ogre, if I don't pick up Planet, I have only one more published Dresden Files novel to read before I'm chomping at the bit like some overweight housewife who eats chocolate all day and dreams of putting strange black men in her mouth because the flame has gone out with her middle management husband.

You know.

Changing the subject: This weekend, there will be a picnic!! Picnic's are Fun!!

Food, Fun and Funyons!!!

Mmm...Funyons...

Those things are awful.

I recall driving home after my Junior Prom/Phil and Will's Senior Prom.

Phil and I had both abandoned our dates somewhere (Will stuck with his, perusing his gooey dreams of forced anal intercourse with the class Valedictorian, Hooper the Dolphin) and, in our evening wear, picked up a large bag of Funyons at a 7-11 before returning to his place to hang out.

Those were truly the day of bros before hos.

Totally hetero bros before hos.

Hete-bros before hos.

I could continue.

So dies this year the "annual" "tradition" of BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX and, while it would be amazing to think that a newer, more...adventurous tradition is crowning, I fear the womb shall bear no more fruit after the upcoming mid-West gavotte planned by Phil, Will, Diane, Grace, Chris and myself.

DO NOT get me wrong, motherfucker, I'd love nothing more than to make THIS the "New Hotness", but I fear that those involved (present company massively excluded) are far too busy to do anything yearly more than once.

Like Gondwanaland, we break apart and slowly drift away.

I could have said Pangaea, but Gondwanaland is much cooler.

I have once again stepped willingly into the void of Fallout 3 (Game of the Year Edition this time with SEVERAL MORE HOURS OF VOID!!!).

It's...big.

Very big.

And it's the closest thing to time travel you can get without sustaining a head injury.

You sit down, look at the clock, 1:09, you'll play for an hour, find a certain item here and then be done, then it's 4:53.

1.21 gigawatts my balls.

You need a PS3 and a copy of this game.

Finally, just started watching THE BRITISH VERSION of "Life On Mars".

Hey, guess what...it's pretty good.

Oh, I've also started chewing gun again.

Just, you know, FYI.

MC GRAMMAR!!!

3.5.10

4:18 pm

Hey everyone!

This is a word for word reproduction (all names but mine have been changed) of a typed, signed note that was just handed to me by my supervisor.

The person I work under.

The person running my department.

The person that makes noticeably more money than me.

    "Paul, please call Ginger and tell her she has to clear by Health Services before she can be put back on the Schedule per Management so I can not allow her to work until she is clear, and they have seem her Medical note from the Doctor stating she able to come back to full duty."

Verbatim.

Folks, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year at college.

Simile of A King

3.4.10

10:37pm

In the midst of reading "A Very Tight Place", a short from Stephen King's Just After Sunset.

Hadn't actually gotten around to finishing the collection until this evening.

Anyway, I just came across this jewel that made me laugh out loud.

To describe a tipped over Port-O-San disgorging its content out from the mouth of the toilet bowl, King served up the following:

It was like New Year's Eve in hell.

Keep 'em coming, Steve.

A Review of Gorillaz' "Plastic Beach"

In 2001, Gorillaz' self-titled debut came out, and no one had any idea what was going on.

"Why is the guy from Blur singing over a hip-hop/dub beat with rappers?"

"So 2D is the guy from Blur, who are those other cartoons supposed to be?"

"'Get the cool shoeshine'? What the fuck are they talking about?"

But despite the brain-melting questions raised by Gorillaz, people embraced them and shook their asses accordingly.

 

In 2005, Gorillaz put out their second album, "Demon Days", produced by Danger Mouse and it was just fucking awesome.

Like the first, there were a smattering of excellent, radio-ready singles for the casual listener, but something more rewarding for anyone with the time to give.

 Each song was so well crafted and fully realized that one could easily be caught up in the strange, dark concept of the album, of the world of Demon Days.

 

On March 8th, the new Gorillaz album, "Plastic Beach" will be released.

It's been three years in the making and, based on the exponential improvement between the solid first and amazing second album, this one will hopefully signal the end of the need for any more recorded music.

To make a quick understatement: My hopes were high for this one.

And guess what?

I have been disappointed.

 

Orchestral Intro feat. Sinfonia ViVA

As far as orchestral intros go...this works just fine for me.

It's an orchestral intro.

It feels oceanic.

What do you want?

 

Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach feat. Snoop Dogg

I was a fan of "The Chronic".  I was a fan of "Doggystyle".  I liked a few songs on "Tha Doggfather".  After those two albums, I feel like Snoop started believing his own hype.

Then came the "izzle".

I haven't really dug a Snoop Dogg album since then.

Granted, the rest of the world doesn't agree with me, but whatever.

While the song is proficient enough, Snoop starts things off by just throwing out some random catchphrases.

"Gorillaz and Boss Dogg!"

"Listen up, children!"

"Yeah!"

Etc.

As for the meat of the song, Snoop's rap sounds phoned in, lacking his usual lyrical skill and you can barely hear 2D in the background saying "just like that".

At the end, when the synths kick in, it starts to get cool, but then the songs ends.

Kind of a disappointing welcome.

 

White Flag feat. Kano and Bashy

Pretty solid track except for the lack of 2D.

The backing music was provided by the National Lebanese Orchestra for Oriental Arabic Music and the high energy back and forth between Kano and Bashy (if I were British I'd probably be able to tell you more about them, but I'm not, so I can't. They're good.) does a great job of shaping the actual world created for this album, mentioning Utopian virtues and a very laid back approach to life.

There's some bleeps and bloops and drum programming that get added to the orchestra, but sonically, the track sticks to basics.

 

Rhinestone Eyes

Hey! Fourth track on the album and we get to hear the lead singer! Way to go!

"2D" has a wonderful sadness in his voice and it's splattered all over this mellow little 80's-esque synth groove.

Sadly, this mostly straightforward track affords the listener their ONLY glimpse of Noodle on the album: a two second sample from a Plastic Beach demo called "Electric Shock".

It adds very little.

 

Stylo feat. Mos Def and Bobby Womack

This is the first single from Plastic Beach and, as a reintroduction to Gorillaz, the first new music from them in over FIVE YEARS, it is massively disappointing.

This song doesn't do anything.

The plodding bass line runs from start to finish, reminding us that "this is the bass line, it will not change."

2D and Mos Def's performances are just fine, but they're made less interesting by the godawful repetitive nature of the music.

Then there's Bobby Womack.

"Murdoc" has stated that this is the first recording Bobby Womack has done is over a decade and I'm not too familiar with his music in particular, but I am familiar with his oeuvre.

He falls into what I like to call the Sweaty Soul Man category.

Picture Sexual Chocolate from Coming to America.

The kind of guy who would say "Gawd" and "Lawd".

And he always has a handkerchief in his pocket in case he has to preach, because you know he sweats when he preaches.

Maybe I'm way off base as far as that being his usual stuff, but that's what he sounds like in this song.

And it's just awful.

 

Superfast Jellyfish feat. Gruff Rhys and De La Soul

Ah ha! Wonderful! An amazing new Gorillaz track!

I hope and pray that this is the next single, mainly because I'd LOVE to see the video and hear it become as prevalent as 19-2000 or Dirty Harry.

The bass, the drums, the beat, the samples, the rap...everything about this screams Gorillaz hit

Hello? De La Soul?.

Honestly, the only problem I have with this track is there isn't enough of it.

At just under three minutes, it feels a bit thin.

The second verse is the second half of the first verse.

Dig?

Also, 2D only jumps in on the chorus (an excellent chorus though it may be).

It feels like the song needed maybe 45 seconds more to become a classic.

Throw in a bridge and an actual second verse and you've got my vote.

Despite these infractions, this is one of my favorite tracks off Plastic Beach.

 

Empire Ants feat. Little Dragon

At first, another mellow, straight forward 2D lamentation, but then the beat comes in and changes everything.

The addition of Little Dragon's expressive, liquid vocals adds so much to what could have been a throw away track.

Like Rhinestone Eyes, this feels like it's from the 80's.

A solid track, but it doesn't stand out too far.

 

Glitter Freeze feat. Mark E. Smith

You know what blows?

Seeing potential wasted.

Glitter Freeze could have been called "Potential: Wasted".

Or maybe "Damon Just Bought A Stylophone".

This track sounds like a demo.

It's missing vocals (Mark E. Smith rambling like a drunken prophet with the reverb turned up to six does NOT count as vocals) and maybe another one or two instruments.

It DOES show us exactly why more artists today aren't utilizing the stylophone in their music.

This track is a missed opportunity.

 

Some Kind of Nature feat. Lou Reed

Holy shit, Lou Reed, right?

That's enough of that.

Yes, the music is good, yes, Lou Reed and 2D singing a duet is pretty awesome but...I just don't know.

The track is missing something.

It's a good Gorillaz song, but...I don't know.

I can't put my finger on it.

It could be the fact that the track doesn't really go anywhere?

Maybe the fact that it seems like a bridge and a chorus without any verses?

Not sure...

 

On Melancholy Hill

I don't think there's ever been a song title that so matches the feel of a song.

This song reminds me of a Postal Service song...or maybe something by M83; meaning simply that it's yet another, synthy, faux 80's track starring 2D.

This and the other two on the album have a propensity to blend together.

 

Broken

Another 2D solo track, almost a note for note recreation of the demo Damon Albarn played on BBC radio over a year ago.

At least it doesn't sound like Rhinestone Eyes, Empire Ants or On Melancholy Hill.

A bit more dub than faux 80's.

Some interesting sounds in it.

Again, an all right Gorillaz track, but not really stand out.

 

Sweepstakes feat. Mos Def

Another competent rap from Mos Def, but the weird, off-time beat of the song doesn't really work.

The song evolves as the electronic, hiccupping beat has layers of organic, live instruments added to and, eventually, swallowing it.

It does evolve, but in a very linear way, with Mos doing the same verse in different meter as the music changes.

And, again, no 2D, no Noodle.

This track is interesting, but not really enjoyable.

 

Plastic Beach feat. Mick Jones and Paul Simonon

This track...oh boy...this track...

I seem to have a thing for title tracks in general, but this track.

This, along with Superfast Jellyfish, is my favorite track on the album.

The music has a dark, insistent feel to it that makes you need to learn the lyrics.

The chorus is excellent and almost hypnotic.

It's a very visual track; listening to it, you can see Gorillaz performing it, silhouetted by the setting sun on their floating trash island out in the middle of the ocean.

Some really great energy thanks to some really great programming.

 

To Binge feat. Little Dragon

You know what would be novel?

2D singing a melancholic song.

At least the inclusion of Little Dragon spices things up.

Whereas on Empire Ants, each had their own section, this track is more of a duet and their voices go very well together.

The music is a bit bland though.

 

Cloud of Unknowing feat. Bobby Womack and Sinfonia ViVA

The Sweatin' Jeeezus Preacher returns but without the Powah of GAWD this time.

A very sparse track which focuses mainly on Womack's wary, soulful vocals.

The track ends with more of the orchestration from the first track, sadder and more beautiful this time around.

 

Pirate Jet

A bouncy, boingy vocal repeating the title floats in the background of this final track as 2D tells us that everything is now plastic.

Some really sharp 50's-sounding organ on this one, the same, as you may or may not know, that was used on Bowie's "Seven Years In Tibet".

Okay ending to an okay album.

 

All right.

As I said, I had really high hopes for this one; too high, it seems.  The main problem with this album is the songs don't go to as many interesting places as they did on "Demon Days", some mutate and blossom, the majority do not.  There were so many different phases to the tracks on "Demon Days" that these seem flat in comparison.  The music on "Plastic Beach", for the most part, lacks growth.

 

There's also a massive lack of energy on most of these tracks.  Their first album had Re-Hash, 5/4, 19-2000, Rock the House and Punk, "Demon Days" had Dirty Harry, Feel Good Inc., Dare and White Light but "Plastic Beach" has only Superfast Jellyfish.  One could say this is a more "mellow" album, but there's a big difference between "mellow" and "apathetic".  "Demon Days" was mellow, even morose at times, but it had an energy nonetheless, while most of "Plastic Beach" just seems to be missing that "we're actually having fun doing this" vibe.

 

It also lacks Noodle.  Her energetic, childlike voice works as a wonderful juxtaposition to 2D's sleepy, stoned droning and not having her character on this album robs it of dimension, of what makes Gorillaz Gorillaz. 

 

I want to be clear: this isn't a bad album, nor is it a bad Gorillaz album, it's good and there's some great stuff on it.  Just not enough.

If they were putting an album out every year or even every two years, it would be all right, but it's been half a decade since we last heard from Gorillaz and, in that context, this is straight up disappointing.

 

But I still have hope in my heart.

I'm not just a fan of Gorillaz' music, I'm also a fan of the fiction.

I've been watching as Noodle was apparently killed by the black helicopters in the El Manana video.

I've been watching as Murdoc blew up Kong Studios and absconded with the money he made from "Demon Days".

I've been watching as the same pirates responsible for Noodle's demise tracked Murdoc down and chased him to the Plastic Beach.

More recently (this morning, in fact) I saw the video for the lackluster Stylo, and, like most of their videos, it was excellent.

I think it's the fiction that keeps me coming back just as much as the music.

And, while Plastic Beach the album is done, consumed, digested, excreted, Plastic Beach the fiction has just begun and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Listen to Plastic Beach

Watch the 'Stylo' video