1.31.2005

But WHY do I want the cheese?

"Scientists have begun blurring the line between human and animal by producing chimeras-a hybrid creature that's part human, part animal. Chinese scientists at the Shanghai Second Medical University in 2003 successfully fused human cells with rabbit eggs. The embryos were reportedly the first human-animal chimeras successfully created. They were allowed to develop for several days in a laboratory dish before the scientists destroyed the embryos to harvest their stem cells. In Minnesota last year researchers at the Mayo Clinic created pigs with human blood flowing through their bodies. And at Stanford University in California an experiment might be done later this year to create mice with human brains."

Finally. I've been waiting for this news for years. As soon as we get cats with human brains, we got a live action Tom & Jerry movie. Hooray for science!

1.28.2005

Oh Ice Cube, you don't know the MEANING of a good day...

I finish my 3pm to 11pm shift at the Hospital during which I gave the script a tweak and more than a tweak here and there to find: Beck totally redid his site for the new album, eels put up an album sampler for their new album, there are two tracks from Here Come the ABC's on Winamp.com and the first NIN single has been named and has a radio date. I guess Ice Cube and I just have different definitions of a good day. He does drugs and has sex with whores and I get washed away in a tide of new music teaser liquid. Just to let you know, it's a pinkish liquid and it smells sweet.

1.24.2005

Here Come the Blinking Guero Teeth

On the heels of that huge eruption of stuff from my mental cock comes this:

Reasons Why I Am Excited About the Next Few Months Speaking from A Purely Musical Standpoint

February 15th, 2005
The simultaneous release of They Might Be Giants’ “Here Come the ABC’s” on DVD and CD. The CD is 25 tracks about the alphabet and its letters, while the DVD has the same material, but with videos featuring all sorts of off-kilter not-really-intended-for-kids animation, including the Deeply Felt Puppet Theatre. Although this will be the third “actually intended for kids” release of theirs, this will be the first didactic project. Although, based on some of the clips floating around, they will not be your typical Raffi/Barney teaching songs…thank God. The album contains OVER 60 MINUTES OF BRAND NEW TMBG MUSIC. I love that but I am also a bit pissed that their most recent “adult” release (The Spine) had 16 tracks of 80% new music and it clocked in at around 36 minutes. Can anyone handle quality AND quantity these days? But you know what they say about gift horses…

March 29th, 2005
Beck releases the anxiously awaited follow-up to his redefining work “Sea Change”. The title is “Guero” and, as the title indicates, there is a slightly Mexican feel to the album, especially on the title track “Que Onda Guero”. How would I know? Well, because I am overeager and illegal. About a week or so ago, Beck updated his web site with a blurb about how the album had been leaked but that it was not the finished product. It had yet to be fully mastered and produced etc. and that what was floating around out there was NOT what he intended to release. I downloaded it five minutes after I saw that tidbit. The raw album sounds like Odelay more so than any of his other albums, but there is a very Mexican feel created by samples, guitars etc. It does sound…I don’t know…untreated? There’s just guitar, vocals and drums on some tracks, while others seem to have more production values. It’s weird to hear funky, yet non-complex Beck music, but still refreshing to hear something new from him. The first single “E-Pro” or “E Pro” is a fun Beckish single with a chorus of “na na’s” and a guitar line that will finally bring something fragrant to the stale, shit-smelling music scene of today. I am a bit trepidations about the whole “this is NOT the finished album” promise. The new Radiohead album (ironically “Hail to the Thief”) was leaked a while before it came out and, although I haven’t given them a comparative listen (I’m not a huge Radiohead fan) I think the only major difference, aside from a general better quality to the sound, was one song that had some extra guitars added here and there. And then there was the most recent eels album “Shootenanny!” that was released in 2003. It was totally leaked a month or so before it was released and, although what I downloaded might have been the actual advance retail copy, the thing I downloaded was the EXACT same as the official release. Then again, “Shootenanny!” was recorded in ten days and really didn’t have a lot of production values; very ‘let’s put a mic in the center of the room and play for a few hours’. I have to say that if the leaked copy of “Guero” is the actual album, I will be disappointed. At the moment, the album sounds like Mellow Gold and Odelay but recorded in Mexico, and if the final version is the same, Beck fans will be disappointed, especially after something as masterful as “Sea Change”.

April 28th, 2005
And speaking of eels…they are releasing their follow-up to the somewhat lackluster “Shootenanny!” on the 28th. The best thing a bout a band that puts out a not-as-great-as-previous-albums album is the suspense one goes through waiting for the next one. So “Shootenanny!” was 13 tracks (about 10 or so good ones- I said the album was lackluster, not shitty) and clocked in at 40 something minutes. It was a letdown mostly because the album before that, “Souljacker” was the most complex album (musically) they’d ever done. I have found that that works both ways though. The new album “Blinking Lights and Other Revelations” will be a 33-track double disc album. Perfect follow up to the shorter-than-average, less-complicated-than-average “Shootenanny!” The reason I am putting all my eggs in one basket is because of the essay that has been posted on the eels official site a few days ago. I can’t begin to paraphrase so if you give a hoot, head over and check it out. I challenge you to show me ANYTHING else in music today that is as sincere and complex, bitches.

May 3rd, 2005
Oh God please let this date remain accurate. After more than five years, the new Nine Inch Nails’ album (questionably titled ‘With Teeth’) has been set for release in May. NIN’s first album came out in 1989. Since then, they have released 2 more full-length albums. Yes. In fifteen years, they have released two albums: March of 1994, “The Downward Spiral”. It redefined industrial music and had huge hits with angst ridden teens and popular radio such as “Closer”, “March of the Pigs” and “Hurt”. Five years later in September of 1999, the follow-up, double CD “The Fragile” is released. It debuts at number one on the Billboard charts and sets the record as the fastest falling album in Billboard history. The fans loved it and thought it was even better than Spiral, but the critics thought that artists doing the music they want is REALLY stupid so aside from fans of NIN. This album was regarded as a commercial failure. Since then, Reznor has been doing some shit to distract him from making a new record. About two years ago, he said the new album would be called “Bleedthrough” and that it was almost done. He then trashed that and said “With Teeth”. They start touring in March and hopefully the release date of 5.3.05 will stick. I feel like I might be in for a “Souljacker” to “Shootenanny!” thing based on the fact that “Fragile” had 23 tracks and hit the 109-minute mark whereas “Teeth” has 12 tracks and cannot, physically, exceed 80 minutes. I don’t know. Nothing Reznor does is going to live up to the expectations set by “The Fragile”, but one thing I do know: whatever he does will be a surprise. With the new Beck, eels, TMBG, I have an idea of what to expect, but with NIN I have NEVER been able to say, "okay based on this, the new stuff will sound like this" and THAT is why I have been fanatically checking the NIN web site four times a day for the past 4 years. New, fresh music. Untrodden ground. Or so I hope. Oh God I hope.

So that is why the next few months are going to be good, for me, from a new music standpoint. And since I knew I would have trouble waiting for February 15th to roll around, I waited for a bit to download the TMBG Venue Songs mp3 album which has all 32 tracks that they wrote and performed on the nights of almost every show of their 2004 Spine on the Hiway tour. I had heard about 8 or so, so I have some brand new love for my ears to get me though the next two weeks or so 'til my CD and DVD arrive. After June (once I’ve drunk in all the above releases) I’ll probably kill myself, so my apartment will be up for grabs. Just a heads up. If I’m not dead by June though, there must be some DVD’s I still want to purchase. As soon as I get those though, it’s a three bedroom for like $1900 a month or so. Talk to Chris or Kady about arranging an interview after I’m dead and gone.
*************************************
Also, it is now my Birthday. I have been here 24 years and I have to say...I'm not impressed. And that means one thing...YOU are not working hard enough. So, you all get to work. I'm going to rub one out.

1.19.2005

CLOSURE! (Part 1)

About a year ago someone posted their top twenty favorite albums and we have all forgotten about it. I decided to compile my own top twenty list. I felt that listing an album title wouldn’t be enough so I ended up writing small essays, quoting lyrics and, yes, rambling. So, a year later: the spelling is bad, the points are hidden and Jesus is it long...here are my top twenty. Oh Jesus, is it long. I will break it up into four entries. In case any of you give half a shit as to why I love music so much...here are some reasons. They are in no particular order.


Nine Inch Nails: The Downward Spiral
My very first CD (along with Greenday Dookie). Got it for Christmas in 1994. Became a huge fan within weeks and missed their first and last performance in Florida (January 26th, 1995) for four years (the next time they came was May of 2001 and I did see them for that). This album details the taking apart of a an from track one “Mr. Self Destruct” to the final track “Hurt”, this character is removing and or corrupting elements of his life and ending up with nothing, not even himself. “Mr. Self Destruct” is about giving in to the voice inside you that tells you to harm yourself. Giving in to your dark side. The song/album starts with this relentless rattling pounding beat and suddenly disappears when voices are heard whispering “You let me do this to you” and then “I am an exit.” The effect is chilling. “Ruiner” is another stand out track. The two verses of lyrics are almost completely lost behind a broken sounding drum machine and bursts of static.
the ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose
and now he made you believe
the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end
to the cattle he deceives
the raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees
now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease

the ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies
maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize
maybe it's a part of me you took it to a place i hoped it would never go
and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know

The first time I heard these lyrics screamed behind the wall of static in the song I was moved almost to tears. The end of this song features the line “Nothing can stop me now” which is a theme on this album referring to the fact that the narrator has lost everything, even his essential humanity and with nothing left, no feelings, no emotions, nothing can stop him from self destructing, from harming others, etc. There’s also the track “Reptile” which is the best “I hate this girl” song I’ve ever heard, featuring the lyric “Oh my beautiful liar, oh my precious whore, my disease, my infection, I am so impure.” Ouch. Then the last track, “Hurt” leaves the man completely disassembled, lying naked on the floor at the very bottom of his downward spiral. I can’t tell you how many people I know cannot listen to Nine Inch Nails anymore simply because of the suicidal implications of this song. Although the album has a lot of violence in it, most of it is directed towards the narrator. This is a very powerful album.

Greenday: Dookie
Also the first CD I got. I love this fucking CD because it’s so simple yet so good. Drums, bass, guitar. Boom. Three elements have never sounded better together. None of their albums before or after Dookie are anywhere near as good in my opinion. To this day one of the only CD’s of mine I just put on and listen to all the way through.
This goes for both Downward Spiral and Dookie: both my first CD’s are two of my favorites, not because they were my first, but because they are excellent albums AND they both had 14 tracks, imparting that CD’s should have 14 tracks. More is better, less is worse. Thank you Trent Reznor and Billy Joe.

Nine Inch Nails: The Fragile
This album came out in 1999, FIVE YEARS after the Downward Spiral. It was the most anticipated album of my life (until now when the NEW Nine Inch Nails album is only 45 years away or so it seems), but that isn’t what makes it one of my favorites nor the fact that it’s an amazing album. It’s because every ounce of expectation was met and exceeded. The Downward Spiral had 14 tracks and ran for 65 minutes and 56 seconds (good length). The Fragile was a double album with 23 tracks clocking in at just over 100 minutes (one hundred and nine to be more exact). Out of the 23 tracks (broken into 12 on the left disc and 11 on the right disc) there is only one track that I am inclined to skip sometimes. Not because it’s a bad song, it just isn’t as amazing by contrast.
The album picks up where Downward Spiral left off and overall is a much more uplifting album, not because it’s about puppies, but because it has a sliver of hope, although by the end that sliver is extinguished making it more painful than Spiral. Spiral had no positivity, it was all a slow downward spiral, literally, but the Fragile has moments of beautiful quiet and peaceful melodies, but they never last. Although Downward Spiral had no hope, the fact of lost hope is even worse.
This album starts with “Somewhat Damaged” in which the character (the same from DS) talks about his fall and how, in the end when he needed people they all abandoned him. The next track is one of my all time favorite Nine Inch Nails songs; the Day the World Went Away in which the comforts of suicide are discussed.

there is a place that still remains
it eats the fear; it eats the pain
the sweetest price he'll have to pay
the day the whole world went away

The narrator doesn’t give in at this point at least since the album goes on. Titles like “The Frail and “The Wretched” express just how hideous of a mind state he is in. The song “We’re In This Together” sounds like it’s positive, and you and me until the world ends kind of thing, but listening to it one gets the sense that it’s one sided, delusional, dangerous. The title track is so moving and expresses the theme of the album “I won’t let you fall apart.” Whereas last time around, the theme was nothing can stop me, I’m already dead, nothing left etc, this seems a lot more positive and therefore becomes even more black when, in the end, everything does fall apart, despite all his meaningless efforts. The last two tracks on the first disc form a seamless bridge to the first song on the second disc by creating a beautiful, terrifyingly cold and sad metaphor involving the sea. The second to last rack on the first disc is called “La Mer” (“the sea” in French). This track is an instrumental that reflects a tranquil, beautiful sea becoming stormy and deadly. There are a few lyrics spoken by a woman in French at the beginning and end of La Mer translating into

and when the day arrives
i'll become the sky
and I'll become the sea

and the sea will come to kiss me
for i am going home”

and at the end a refrain of the DS theme “nothing can stop me now”. La Mer leads into “The Great Below” which is about realization that one’s love is lost or was never there in the first place and giving up; the song begins with the narrator “staring at the sea” and wondering if he can be forgiven for what he’s done. He professes that he would give anything at any price for this love. Once he realizes that she isn’t coming or was never coming, the music begins to swell as his realization becomes clearer. He will die. He will allow the ocean to draw him in an end his life. Why live without his love? The song approaches its climax with the lyrics

ocean pulls me close
and whispers in my ear
the destiny i've chose
all becoming clear
the currents have their say
the time is drawing near
washes me away
makes me disappear”

and then, the music reaches its peak as the narrator declares

and i descend from grace
in arms of undertow
i will take my place
in the great below

Apparently, he is dead, but the song finishes with a distant guitar and the lyric “I can still feel you, even so far away” repeated over and over. Then the next song and disc begin with “The Way Out Is Through”. The first lyrics of the second disc “All I’ve undergone, I will keep on.” The music rises from an aquatic background ambiance to an explosive note after which the narrator screams

underneath it all
we feel so small
the heavens fall
but still we crawl”

This is not as hopeful as it appears since the rest of the album is spent second guessing, begging and searching. The last spoken line of the album is “you remain, I am stained.” Then the final track “Ripe (with decay) begins. At the end of this album, you are left feeling more destroyed that at the end of Downward Spiral. DS was only going in one direction, but with the Fragile, you might have thought the glimmer would become a light but it doesn’t.

Nine Inch Nails: Broken
Their EP that came out in ’92 remains the hardest, most powerful, industrial, serious yet tonal thing I have ever heard. I’ve heard harder, but a lot of that almost becomes self-parody and noise whereas Broken boarders on noise, but there’s always something beneath it making it music. The first track “pinion” (which means “the wing of a bird”, “to remove or bind the wing of a bird” and “to bind or shackle ”) is a rising, approaching guitar that peaks with the intro of the second track “wish”. “last” has one of the most memorable lyrics on the album: “look through these blackened eyes, you’ll see ten thousand lies, my lips may promise but my heart is a whore”. Next is the instrumental “help me I am in hell” which is just an all-around uncomfortable track. Then “happiness in slavery” in which the narrator says “I don’t know what I am, I don’t know where I’ve been, human junk just words and so much skin, stick my hands though the cage of this endless routine just some flesh caught in this big broken machine”. The last track of Broken is “gave up”. “Perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most” is the first line of the last song. The chorus of this pounding, unrelenting song is “smashed up my sanity, smashed up integrity, smashed up what I believe in, smashed up what’s left of me, smashed up my everything, smashed up all that was true, gonna smash myself to pieces, I don’t know what else to do”, the bridge is “I tried, I gave up” said over and over. One gets the sense that all the destruction is simply because the narrator feels trapped. Why destroy yourself? Because he tried and gave up and there’s nothing left to do but destroy himself. The last line of this album, shrieked over and over as the music breaks down is “throw it away”. That’s the heart f “broken”: everything is broken and dead, what is there to do, nothing, why should I remain, I shouldn’t. The lyrics are so private and raw without being too silly or too dramatic etc. Also, it came out over a decade ago while some bands are just starting to tread there now. Punk-ass sharks, biting and shit.

Nine Inch Nails And All That Could Have Been: Still
Alright, after this no more Nine Inch Nails, I promise. This is their most recent release. This album “Still” came as a part of their Live CD package. Reznor said this CD was a counterpoint to the screaming explosive nature of the live album. Still has nine tracks, four new instrumental tracks, one new vocal track and four old songs recreated in a more stripped-down, simple manner. Where the Downward Spiral and the Fragile had an hour or over that to bring the listener from place to place inside the world of the album, this CD had only a fraction of that time. The first song is from the first Nine Inch Nails album and is titled “Something I Can Never Have”. The song is about remembering the end of a relationship and recalling how painful it was, and then living in the present where the pain is still fresh and nothing has been resolved. If the subject matter wasn’t dismal enough, the last few lines of the song being shrieked by Reznor make it that much more real. The spiteful resentment in this song is softened by the simple yet beautiful piano/keyboard instrumental “Adrift and at Peace” which follows. Then into a simple version of “The Fragile” which sounds weaker and less sure than the album version which has numerous voices chanting and assuring “I won’t let you fall apart” whereas in this version, there is only Reznor saying it and hoping it’s true, but not being sure. After this, a version of “The Becoming” from the Downward Spiral. A track about how this numbness inside of him is replacing everything human with machinery. In a way, he is working to bring himself down. The album version is more mechanical and yielding (I want to stop it and I’m fighting but I know I can’t) but the Still version is a lot angrier. Much more of a “fuck you for doing this to me” vibe. This jarring, mechanical track is followed by the next instrumental “Gone, Still” which is another very unsettling track. The piano repetition indicates a mantra and the slight minor key variations indicate that he doesn’t really believe it. Perhaps with the mantra he is trying to convince himself that who or whatever is gone isn’t, but the variations show that he knows they are indeed gone, still, and the ending of the song, in which the piano is engulfed by a dark wave of synthesizers, proves that this fact is consuming him. The synths slide into the wavering organ-like introduction of an incredible version of The Day the World Went Away after which you aren’t really sure if the suicide bug has laid eggs in his brain this time. The next song is introduced by an isolated rain sound effect. This is the new song and it’s the most recent Nine Inch Nails song (at this point and time). It’s called “And All That Could Have Been”, the title itself a depressing sentiment. The song inspires the image of a frozen wasteland where a solitary man is stranded there of his own accord thinking about how things could have been had he let people help him, had he made different choices, but that it won’t matter soon because he’ll be dead, forgotten. He’ll be happy to die since he wasn’t meant for happier things, he was meant to die here, alone. As he makes his decision to let go, he confesses that he is tainted and that he regrets that he was blind to the fact that “in my nothing you meant everything to me.” After this, there are only two instrumental tracks, “the Persistence of Loss” which is made up of a lonely, distant and desolate sound being made then repeated and then another lonely, distant and desolate sound layered on top of that until one just feels washed out listening to it. After that, the final track. A crushing song called “Leaving Hope”. I don’t think lyrics could have made this song more crushingly sad. The background drones come in and out while a solitary piano narrates the most sad and terrible ending to the story told by “Still”. There is a distorted, echoing guitar in the middle that only makes one feel more isolated. The ending is a plucked string instrument followed by the same instrument after a thousand years of rust and decay have affected it. The song dies as slowly as the solitary man in the frozen wasteland. This is where Trent Reznor has left his fans. He has said, in reference to the new album in contrast to the stories told by the Downward Spiral and the Fragile “that person isn't here anymore." So we can only assume that the story which started in 1992 with Broken finally ends there in that metaphorical frozen wasteland ten years later.

CLOSURE! (part 2)


Marilyn Manson: Antichrist Superstar
This album scared me when I first heard it. The theme is basically the apocalypse brought about by a creature, the Antichrist, who started life as a Worm and then evolved into this terribly charismatic thing that destroys the world because he considers us all dead. The music is so intense and hate filled that while listening to it as I walk through the streets of New York can result in me slamming into people just because I know they can’t do shit. Regularly I wouldn’t do that, but the tone and feel of this album really alters something in me.
This album has 16 songs and it broken into three cycles: The Hierophant, Inauguration of the Worm and Disintegrator Rising. Each of these tells the story of the worm who got its wings and became the Antichrist (or the Disintegrator or the Angel with The Scabbed Wings). The first cycle sets the tone while the second cycle involves the actual transformation of the worm into the angel and the third cycle is about the future and the end of everything.
The album begins with a cracked voice (the voice of the ruler of the world, the Antichrist) saying “when you are suffering, know that I have betrayed you” And then, we hear his voice inciting a multitude to chant “We hate love, we love hate” until the songs explodes with such lyrics as “Hey victim, should I black your eyes again?”, “I hate the hater, I rape the raper”, “Everybody’s someone else’s nigger, I know you are, so am I.” The album goes on from there, laced with malice, contempt, violence, and just about everything negative one can express in a 70 minute time period. The title track is a fist-pumping anthem to bring about the eschaton simply by people willing it to occur. The track “1996” I feel is one of the most violent in which the Antichrist declares exactly what he is and that we deserve all of this: Anti people now you’ve gone too far, here’s your Antichrist Superstar.” The last song on the album, “Man That You Fear” addresses the fact that this creature that the world worships and fear used to be the boy (worm) who was abused and unsure of himself. The song opens with the line “the ants are in the sugar, the muscles atrophied.” Chaos and ruin abound and things are nearing the end. It also explains why he is ending the world: I have it all and I have no choice but to/I’ll make everyone pay and you will see/you can kill yourself now because you’re dead in my mind/. He gets his revenge and as the song and world end many voices are heard repeating when all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”. That brings about the close of the album. But right before the very end of the CD is a strange vocal track in which we discover that in all the nothingness left behind, the Disintegrator himself feels something cold grow in his chest resulting in his eventual death.
I should mention that with the production values of the post-Downward Spiral Trent Reznor, this album might have been as great lyrically, but not nearly as amazing musically. The difference between a Rhodes piano and a Mellodrone? Reznor. The different between a loud, crashing guitar and a think, grinding world-ending guitar? Reznor. The difference between a song on the album having 10 tracks (one for vocals, one for back-up vocals, one for drums etc) and one have 15 tracks? Reznor. This album might have been good without him, but I’m happy we’ll never know.

They Might Be Giants: Factory Showroom
This was the first TMBG CD that I bought. First of many, but it was their most recent album at the time of the purchase and it was great. The album starts with what became my theme song for a while, “S~E~X~X~Y”. On top, this song is about being too sexy to handle, but the deeper meaning is quite a bit different. As we ALL know, anyone who has a chromosome with XXY rather than the typical XY is a freak and has both male and female biological traits. The lyric: “S-E-X-X-Y, more than enough” indicates that one is too sexy, but also that there are more than enough “X” chromosomes. Then the lines “Cookie in one hand, wig on her head” (a man who is a woman) and “she’s got another plane, she wants to be your man” cinch the notion. Just to clarify, the song was my theme for its swing, funk rhythm, not because I am a hermaphrodite. I will show you all my cocknballs if you don’t believe me. Then there’s “Til My Head Falls Off”, a first person account of living to a ripe old age riddled with amnesia. Then, “How Can I Sing Like A Girl?”, a song about how once in concert Flansburgh sang a song in falsetto to recreate the speed up, higher vocals on a song. Next, “Exquisite Dead Guy”, which is based on the existential literary parlor game “The Exquisite Corpse” and which features the lyrics, “Exquisite dead guy, outside my high-rise apartment, exquisite dead guy, hanging from a sky hook”. There’s “Metal Detector” a song based on a book written by a madman. Then “New York City”, a song done originally by a Canadian band call Cub that TMBG made their own and besides, what are the Canadians going to do? This song was even more important to me because at the moment it was introduced to me, I had acclimated myself to Florida, but still had the need to return to New York, so this song hit the spot. Other gems include “Spiraling Shape” about how dangerous and destructive drugs are, but without being preachy and it was also in Brain Candy, making it immensely much cooler, “James K. Polk, a beautiful telling song about the 11th President of the USA, “XTC Vs. Adam Ant” a song about just that, “I Can Hear You” a song whose concept is being that its finished product, but interesting nonetheless and finally “The Bells Are Ringing” a song addressing mass hypnosis by the tintinnabulations of ringing bells. This is one of their most clever albums to date and it rocks, all the way. Beatle-based pop combined with off-beat, sometimes depressing or dark lyrics. Perfect ingredients for fun and music.

They Might Be Giants: John Henry
The first album on which they used a live band (drums, bass, guitar, horns etc) and not just a sampler or MIDI generator. This added such a new depth to their music and ended up shaping them for the future. After ten years of just the two Johns, they could have gone on producing great music with just the two of them (keyboards, guitar and accordion), but their decision opened up a whole new dynamic for them. The album had a new sound with the same old excellent lyrical quality. The album contains such tracks as “Meet James Ensor”, a song about the greatness of the late Belgian painter, “No One Knows My Plan” which has an infectious conga beat that makes it impossible for the listener not to “bust a move” as they say, “I Should Be Allowed to Think” which features a quote from Ginsberg’s Howl part 2 (I saw the best minds of my generation destroying by madness, starving, hysterical), “Dirtbike” which is about a cult leader, which just happens to be a dirt bike, brainwashing people with its evil charisma, “Sleeping in the Flowers” which is an amazingly arranged song based on a song based on drugs. All the tracks are great. Their horn addiction started with this album and since its release in 1994, horns have been an integral part of some of their best work, and their live shows. This album is a landmark. They Might Be Giants’ transition from one form to another.


Beck: Midnite Vultures
This is the goddamnest funkiest album I own and Beck Hansen is the goddamndest funkiest white man in existence. This album can be described as such: having intercourse with a malfunctioning drum machine. From the first note is “Sexx Laws” to the last note in “Debra” the album makes you want to shake your ass and talk jive-ass nonsense. These songs deal with and satirize sex, love, gangstas and more. The opening tracks “Sexx Laws” nuts into your ear with a brash horn riff, funky guitar and dope drum beat, to coin a phrase. Then in the middle of this techno dance fuck, there is a banjo solo. The banjo is joined by a slide guitar (that twangy country sounding thing). The lone banjo and guitar are joined by the aforementioned funk guitar, brash horns and the song becomes Tetris. INTERFUCKINGLOCKING baby. You wonder how you could even hear this song without the banjo. Any artist that can make a banjo sound cool deserves cake. Then “Nicotine and Gravy” (a song titled inspired when I chain-smoking friend of Beck’s came over for Thanksgiving, became drunk, vomited and passed out. The next day this friend asked what happened. Beck told them they vomited…nicotine and gravy. Despite the title, this is one of the sexier songs, including the lyrics:
I'll feed you fruit that don't exist
I'll leave graffiti
Where you've never been kissed
I'll do your laundry
Massage your soul
I'll turn you over
To the highway patrol
I know it doesn’t SOUND sexy, but once you’ve heard the porn groove of N&G and his sex-thickened voice mumbling that line…you just get wet. Then there’s Mixed Bizness. Oooooh, taste the electro-funk. Every word and note of this is pure funk. In fact, you need a funk towel to clean up afterwards.

I'm mixing business with leather
Christmas with Heather
Freaks flock together
And make all the b-boys scream

Word up to the man-thing
She's always cold lamping
Visine at the canteen
I just wanna watch you dance

Do you wanna ride on the Baltic Sea
I'll be your mistress C.O.D.
I'll comb your hair
Rewrite your diary
Pour champagne on a honey bee

She can really do me
She can look right through me
And make all the b-boys scream

I'm mixing fitness with leather
Homework with Heather
Freaks flock together
And make all the lesbians scream
JESUS FUCK HE IS FUNK EMBODIED. Then there’s his parody of those “hard ass gansta niggas” who rap about bling and spitooy and dink and winkle and all those silly African-American make up words. This song, “Hollywood Freaks” has a phat gangsta beat that would sound tired with any other vocals over it but Beck’s lyrics and vocal tone actually bring life to it. This song brings me to Beck’s use and feeling on lyrics. He said in an interview that his lyrics are as important as they are unimportant. Well…he’s a weird guy. But check this fucking lyrics out:
Hot milk
Mmmm... tweak my nipple
Champagne and ripple
Shamans go cripple
My sales go triple
We drop lobotomy beats
Evaporated meats
On hi-tech street
We go solo
Dance floors and talk shows
Hot dogs, No Doz
Hot sex in back rows

I wanna know what makes you scream
Be your twenty million dollar fantasy
Treat you real good
Expensive jeans
Hollywood freaks on the Hollywood scene

Touch it real good if you want a piece
Party people know I'm that type of freak

People look so snooty
Take pills make them moody
Automatic bzooty
Zero to tutti fruitti
Sex in the halls
Niagra Falls
Local shopping malls receive
Anonymous calls
Hot like a cheetah
Neon mamacita
Eat at tacoria
Pop lockin' beats from Korea
Looking like jail bait
Selling lots of real estate
Looking like a hot date
Banging like an 808

Do you want to feel this?
Do you want to feel this?

Norman Schwartzkoff
Something tells me you want to go home
Champagne, bibles
Custom clothes you own
Calling up from special area codes
Hollywood nuns with the Hollywood phones
I got nothing to do, nowhere to go
I'll tell you what you want
If you want to know
Satin sheets
Tropical oils
Turn up the heat
Till the swimming pool boils
Let all the neighbors
Read it in the papers
Making all those gentlemen cry
Realistic tears

Jockin' my Mercedes
Probably have my baby
Shop at Old Navy
He wish he was a lady

No, they don’t really make sense, but that’s kind of the point of this song. Throughout this track, Beck is yelling a lot of these lyrics as if he’s bragging and showing off. Then he’ll say a few of them in a lower register, sounding sultry. He is doing what all this Puff Daddy’s are doing, bragging about stupid shit and promising equally stupid shit. That’s why this guy is the shit. Because he insults P. Diddy Poo. Among some of the other funkier stand out lyrics are:

Sexx Laws:
Can't you hear those cavalry drums
Hijacking your equilibrium
Midnight hags in the mausoleum
Where the pixilated doctors moan
Carnivores in the Kowloon night
Breathing freon by the candlelight
Coquettes bitch slap you so polite
Till you thank them
For the tea and sympathy

Neptune's lips taste like fermented wine
Perfumed blokes on the Ginza line
Running buck wild like a concubine
Who's mother never held her hand
Brief encounters in Mercedes Benz
Wearing hepatitis contact lens
Bed and breakfast getaway weekends
With Sports Illustrated moms

Peach and Cream:
Don't tell your right hand baby
What your left hand do
You know those road check girls
Will make your brown breath blue

You look good in that sweater
And that aluminum crutch
I'm gonna let you down easy
I've got a delicate touch

You're a torn out page
From a best selling book
Your home girl's on the line
But your daddy's off the hook
Where do we go now?

Give those pious soldiers
Another lollipop
Cause we're on the good ship
Menage et tois

Peaches and cream
You make a garbage man scream
Such a delicate thing

Keep your lamplight trimmed and burning

Anyway, sorry I’m just listing lyrics since the lyrics are just words without the music. My favorite track on the album is “Milk and Honey”. It’s well written and well orchestrated and well funky. The last track is called “Debra” and is the story of a guy meeting a girl named Jenny at a JC Penny and then saying “I wanna get with you, only you, and your sister, I think her name’s Debra”. The super funkiest sleaze track I’ve ever heard. This is the album I listen to when good things happen to me. I get a booking, I listen to this album, it’s the first warm day after a series of rainy nasty cold days, I listen to this album, and walking around this city to the beat of these songs, you feel like Funkor, the ancient God of Funk and Kudzu.

Beck: Sea Change
The first amazing thing about this album is that it came right after Midnite Vultures. Whereas MV was having intercourse with a malfunctioning drum machine, Sea Change is best described as a long, slow drive through the Mojave (thank you Phil). The type of music can come off and simple and a bit country at first, but if you listen closely, you can feel more behind it. Electro-folk is how I described it once. You hear a lonely acoustic guitar note that turns into a computer error buzz. Thick, warm keyboards engulfed in metallic whirs and bleeps. The soundscape is so expressive of the cold, desolate nature of the music that you can actual get chills listening to it. The first song is called “The Golden Age” which connotates good things, the peak of a society is called its Golden Age, but the first line is “put your hands on the wheel as the Golden Age begins”. This immediately instills the image of a man running from society and perfection. Wandering. “You have to drive all night, just to feel like you’re ok”. You can’t be in one place too long without being uncomfortable. Unsettling way to start an album. After hearing the song, you can taste the bitterness with which “golden age” is spoken. The next song introduces David Campbell’s work on the album. David Campbell has worked as a conductor, composer and arranger for over 200 gold and platinum albums, 80 hit singles and has worked on albums which received 111 Grammy nominations, 26 Grammy awards and 3 Oscars. He is also Beck father. His work on Sea Change is his most amazing to date. On this album he does all the strings. Most of the tracks on this album are augmented or created by Campbell’s powerful, emotional string work. The line from the second track “Paper Tiger” “All the deserts down below us, and the storms up above, like a stray dog gone defective, like a paper tiger in the sun” might or might not be anything on its own, but with the driving, swooping strings behind it, you can see these images Beck presents as clear as day. Campbell’s strings turn a sad line into a crushing sentiment, a happy line into triumphant moment, etc. The next song, “Guess I’m Doin’ Fine” is about how Beck now has time to do what he wants, when he want since a relationship recently ended. He is still broken about this parting and is doing his best to look on the bright side, but the light isn’t bright enough to counteract the remaining dark. He tries to be happy and put up a good front, but he’s still affected. The chorus is a mix of emotions and ideas from Beck. “It’s only lies that I’m livin’, it’s only tears that I’m cryin’, it’s only you that I’m losin’, guess I’m doin’ fine.” He can only guess he’s doing fine because his emotional state is so murky thanks to this loss. He might be doing fine, but he really can’t tell. Then, “Lonesome Tears” begins. Beck is questioning why he’s crying these tears, but the questions are hypothetical.
“Lonesome tears
I can't cry them anymore
I can't think of what they're for
Oh they ruin me every time
But I'll try
To leave behind some days
These tears just can't erase
I don’t need them anymore”
He can’t detach himself from his pain or his tears. The next song is, in a way his way of washing his hands of this loss. He describes his love as a lost cause and says he’s tired of fighting for her. Pure and simple. There’s “End of the Day” which stresses the importance of good timing in relationships. A relationship ending too late “I’ve seen the end of the day come to late, I’ve seen the love you had turning into hate, had to act like I didn't even care, but I did so I got stranded standing there”, a relationship ending too soon “I’ve seen the end of the day come to soon, not a lot to say and not a lot to do, you played the game, you owe nothing to yourself, rest a day, for tomorrow you can't tell” and his reaction to both “it's nothing that I haven't seen before, but it still kills me like it did before.” The track “Round the Bend” is one of the most beautiful and sad tracks on the album.
We don't have to worry
Life goes where it does
Faster than a bullet
From an empty gun

Turn yourself over
Loose change we could spend
Grinding down diamonds
Round, round, round the bend

People pushing harder
Up against themselves
Make their daggers sharper
Than their faces tell

Babe, it’s your time now
Loose change we could spend
Where we are going
Round, round, round the bend
This has a very final feeling to it. Next is, “Already Dead” which touches on the angry he feels throughout this album. Everything up to this point, you could see being spoken followed by a dusty sigh, but here we can almost here the words coming through clenched teeth.
Time wears away
All the pleasures of the day
All the treasures you could hold
Days turn to sand
Losing strength in every hand
They can't hold you anymore

Already dead to me now
'Coz it feels like I'm watching something die

Love looks away
In the harsh light of the day
On the edge of nothing more
Days fade to black
In the light of what they lack
Nothing's measured by what it needs

Already dead to me now
'Coz it feels like I'm watching something dyin’.

My favorite track on the album is the penultimate tracks “Little One”. This track has such images that I was so affected the first time I heard it. Incredible powerful images of despair and futility along with a chilling chord progression, yow. This song is almost like a lullaby for a child dying of some horrible disease. The dreams are always waiting or waking, both meaning that neither will come true. And the almost childlike verse “drown, drown, sailors run aground, in a sea change, nothing is safe” is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard, but I can’t say why. I think it has to do with the idea of the sea turning to sand and an upheaval on such a scale that the Earth itself would be affected. It’s the futility and sadness in this song that really get to me.
Go to sleep
We're so tired now
Altogether in a snake pit of souls
New days
To throw your chains away
To try to hang your hopes on the wind

Little one
Just a little way
Today all we need is waiting

Night rise
Like the evening prize
In a turnstile backwards we fly
Cold bones
Tied together by
Black ropes we pulled from a swing

Little one
Just a little way
Today all of the dreams are waking

Can't stand on crooked legs
I'm cross-eyed to the wall
In these harbor lights
Satellites explode

Drown, drown
Sailors run aground
In a sea change nothing is safe
Strange waves
Push us every way
In a stolen boat we'll float away

Little one
Hold on
All of the dreams are wasting

The entire album has been about searching and dealing with things, so one could hope that the final track will leave us in a better place than where we started, running from the warmth and happiness of the Golden Age, but nom the last track is called Side of the Road and that’s where we end up. “In a random room/Behind an iron door/Kick an empty can/Across an empty floor. The lack of emphasis of where the album ends shows just how distracted and desolated Beck is. Just end it here. No one will notice.

CLOSURE! (part 3)


Depeche Mode: Songs of Faith and Devotion
Drugs are bad. Drugs are used to alter ones state of mind. Some people use them to “find new artistic places in themselves”. Many musical artists do this today, but very few stop. Too many drugs can kill such an artist, such as Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon, the guy from Sublime and numerous others. Too many drugs are bad, but just the right amount? Now that can produce some amazing shit. The specific amazing shit I refer to is Depeche Mode’s album Songs of Faith and Devotion. During the writing and recording of this album, Dave Gahan (the lead singer) was chasing the dragon, performing oral sex on Lady H, sucking the horse’s dick etc. This album, of the dozen or so that Depeche Mode has put out n over 20 years is their best. Plus, his hair was the sexiest during “Songs”. The themes of this album are religion compared and contrasted with love and sex, but outside the theme of the album is the fact that all three main members of the band believed this would be their last album. The heroin was destroying them all. The music on the album is years a head of its time in my opinion and it all has a heavy, dark feeling to it. The instruments are nothing special but it all comes together so well in forming the theme of the album and the feeling of impending nothing outside the album. There is one track, sung by Martin Gore called “One Caress” where he is alone in a studio with a live orchestra and he is conducting and singing along with them, very good stuff. The track Condemnation is amazing. The quality of Gahan’s voice is so clearly affected by emotion and drug use that you can’t help but feel every word he crows. These songs all have some sort of religious feel to them, either a personification of God or a hymn-like feel to it or something along those lines. In the end, Gahan has asked for forgiveness, rallied against God and finally, given up. This would have been a sad ending to the career of Depeche Mode, but luckily it wasn’t. They made three or four albums after his one then broke up a few months ago. Their solo shit sucks, but hey surprise, surprise. At least we’ll always have Songs of Faith and Devotion.

Guns N Roses: Use Your Illusion II
I was given this album on my 10th Birthday by Will Marsh who later died. He gave me Use Your Illusion I and II on tape. I put it into my tape player the moment I got it and the tape player ate the tape and self destructed at the same moment. I was pretty pissed off, but I didn’t have there words to express how angry I felt. I had to use my father’s stereo that was in the living room to listen to the album. Once I listened to it, I suddenly found my vocabulary expanded by about 7 words: motherfucker, cocksucker, shit, piss, ass, fuckhead and pussy, I have NEVER taken to a set of words more swimmingly in my life. Suddenly, I was getting in trouble at school, mortifying my older cousins and impressing my schoolyard chums. Did I know what all these words meant? No, but that didn’t stop me. Thanks to W. Axl Rose, my life was changed.
Onto the album. I love Guns N’ Roses ability to be mature one moment and then revert to grade school insults the next. It’s refreshing to see a band be so popular yet so offensive. This is without a doubt their best album. Lies and Appetite for Destruction had the hits and the catchiness and the staying power, but they lacked nuance and variation. Not just on the album as a whole, but in most of the songs, you’ll find a change in tempo and tone. You can actually FEEL Axel going from sad to frustrated to angry to pissed off in Civil War. And the cover of Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door?! Jesus, Dylan must be pissed, he was totally shown up. Get in the Ring provided most of the explicit language on the album and I say thank you again to W. Axel for the pleasure of hearing people I don’t know get cursed at. Then…the album is going well, you might not like all the tracks but there is a definite sense of continuity and cohesion to the whole thing…until…My World. I can’t even describe this song…actually I can. Throbbing, pulsing, marching, stomping synthesizer (that you’ll find NOWHERE else on the album) chew your face along with screeching subway noises and the sound of women moaning. Then…the lyrics:

You wanna step into my world
It's a sociopsychotic state of bliss
You've been delayed in the real world
How many times have you hit and missed?
You cat-scan shows disfiguration
I wanna laugh myself to death
With a misfired synapse
with a bent configuration
I'll hold the line while you gasp for breath
You wanna talk to me
So talk to me
You wanna talk to me [7 times]
You can't talk to me
You don't understand your sex
You ain't been mindfucked yet
Let's do it [3 times]
Oh my distorted smile

Guess what I'm doing now

Yeah, wow. Think of early Nine Inch Nails, but much more angry and creepy. Total mindfuck (as coined by Axel in said song). The working formula for G’N’R for me involves Axl’s screeching/nasal/downright fucking irritating vocals, Slash’s numerous guitar solos (try counting them some time) and the use of the piano in kick ass hard rock. Great combo. And how about tat amazing indecipherable video trilogy they released with the albums? What the fuck was going on there? I thought I had an idea up until the final video (Estranged, which is one of the most excellent songs they do) in which everything just kind of fell apart. I love almost every track on this and it still remains one of the only albums I can just put on and enjoy even if I can’t understand half of what Axel Rose says. Knowing, at this point in my life would just ruin something, so fuck it, as Axel himself might say. The downside to the whole thing is that what makes this album so much greater and me so much sadder is that this was the last good thing GNR did. After this (which came out in 9/91) they released The Spaghetti Incident? (question mark is their idea, not mine) which was a cover album of punk songs. It sucks. The problem was that GNR has the ability to create stuff with so many nooks and crannies that it’s like a musical English muffin, but the music they were covering had no dimensions to t. It was flat. After that everyone died or left but Rose, and his recent appearance at that MTV thing was fucking ridiculous. His voice, looks, and songwriting abilities are gone. As is Slash. God what a downer. This is the most tragic of my favorite albums because of what it represents: the first great album of the 90’s and the last great Guns N’ Roses release.

Wu Tang Clan: Enter the Wu Tang (36 Chambers)
This was the first release from the Wu. It came out in 1993 and I had the cassette. This was when rap was good, but starting to get too focused on bling and hanging out. Also, rappers were polishing their albums to the point of slick, same soundingness. Then there was the Wu Tang. Nine different members with nine different voices and nine different styles of rapping. And for a kid 13 years old, how cool is it to talk about guys with names like Rza, Ghost Faced Killa and, of course, the one and only Ol’ Dirty Bastard- god bless. They used samples from old Hong Kong action movies and it added so much to their music and the feel of the album. Everything felt so prophetic. Plus, you never got bored because there were 9 different people who could jump in at any time. To give you an idea of how attached to this album I was, I had every song memorized word for word. I had their vocal intonations down. God damn I was White. This album made me respect Black people and their culture. See, I don’t consider rappers like Puff Daddy and Ludacris and any of the other popular ones out there today Black people. They are Celebrities. There’s nothing real about them or creative about their music. But the Wu’s first album was so real. So gritty. They were Black people talking about friends of theirs that had died, who they had to do to survive growing up on Staten Island which isn’t very different from shit that’s out today, but it was a lot more sincere back then. They didn’t need to fucking sample a Sting song to express sadness, they used their voices as empathetic tools, not celebrities listing the makes of their BMW’s and the type of champagne they like to spit on naked women. I heard the Wu Tang and thought, this takes so much effort and ability, these are some of the most talented people I have ever known of. Anyway, like most artists, they went downhill from here. Before they put out their second album in 1997, pretty much every one of them released a solo album. None of them were very good save Method Man’s and ODB’s. And you can really only listen to ODB for so long before you realize he’s serious and get freaked out. The second album was a double album and had some cool stuff on it, but it also showed indications of the Typical seeping in. The third album was pointless and the fourth even more so. By the fourth, ODB was in jail and the Wu Tang without Big Baby Jesus is like Depeche Mode without Personal Jesus or Christianity without Regular Jesus. Oh well. At least we’ll always have Enter the Wu Tang.

Cake
These guys are so formulaic, you could compile a mix CD consisting of tracks from all five of their albums (released in 1994, 1996,1998, 2001 and 2004) and not be able to tell which was which or even that the songs were from different albums. Why the pissy shit would someone like me who likes albums and bands such as those listed above like something so predictable and unchanging? Quite simply because these guys know what they’re doing and I like what they’re doing. On almost every one of their sixty-two songs, you will find acoustic guitar, electric guitar, a trumpet hook, smart, cynical, allegorical lyrics and an unenthused John McCrea singing/speaking/reciting them. On about half you might find a drum machine beat and a distinct feeling of “almost Country” that aspect of Beck’s Sea Change possess, but all in all you will think that Cake put out a five disc set with slight variations to the aforementioned formula. But the formula doesn’t stop there… each album has one “out of character song” namely Mr. Mastodon Farm (first album), Race Car Ya Yas (second album), Cool Blue Reason (third album), Comfort Eagle (fourth album) and End of the Movie (fifth album). Each album has an “accessible to everyone” track that is usually released as a single. Each album has a sad, “leave you feeling down” song at the end and each album title seems to have something in common with the others, but I have yet to put my finger on it. Something on a subconscious level: Motorcade of Generosity, Fashion Nugget, Prolonging the Magic, Comfort Eagle and Pressure Chief Only true fans can determine what each song is within the first 10 seconds and believe me it is a lot harder than it seems. Also, Cake is perfect driving music. 90% of their tracks go perfectly with the turning wheels of a motor vehicle, although a semi-trailer or pick up truck are the types of vehicles that pop into my head. The band just seems to have so much disdain to share with the world it’s a wonder they have any fans at all. The perfect Cake song that really sews them up, quirky, sarcastic, disdain for American society, tounge-in-cheekedness and all is called “Wheels”. It’s the first track of their brand new album.

In a wooden boat in the shipping lanes with the freighters towering over me
I can hear the jets flying overhead making lines across the darkening sky
And when the sun is going down I can take a taxi into town
And the waiter at the restaurant sets a table just for one

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

So I hired a plane to take me to a place so far away from you
Eventually we began to see that we could be completely free
And I could get away from you and you could get away from me
And we could live each separately in our cities in the sun

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

In a seedy karaoke bar by the banks of the mighty Bosporus
Is a Japanese man in a business suit singing ”Smoke Gets in Your Eyes”
And the muscular cyborg German dudes dance with sexy French Canadians
While the overweight Americans wear their patriotic jumpsuits

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me
(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me
(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me

So to the point, I have no favorite Cake album, so I’m going to pretend they did release a five disc set spanning their whole career, call it “Smarm”, that’s my favorite Cake album. To finish up with Cake, I recall the very first interview conducted with them around the release of the first album over ten years ago. The lead singer said something that also describes them perfectly and still holds true today. . John McCrea (lead singer) looks right into the camera and says, “We’re here to make sure bands stop having fun.” He wasn’t smiling.

eels: Electro Shock Blues
This was a tough one. Eels has five albums and three of them were up for favorite, but I had to go with this one. First off, eels is actually one man with a pretty constant drummer and other musicians he gets to play this and that. The lead singer and songwriter is Mark Oliver Everett III also known as E. His father, Dr. Hugh Everett III, was a quantum physicist who authored "Everett's Many Worlds Theory" in the 1950's, Everett inspired countless science fiction books, movies and Star Trek episodes with the concept of parallel universes. As a young teenager he traded letters with Albert Einstein, debating whether it was something random or unifying that held the universe together. He was a certified genius. Long story short…E began writing songs when he was about 6. When he was older to he moved to L.A. and worked shitty jobs during the day while writing songs during the night. He did this for seven years. Eventually he got someone to hear a demo and put out a solo album in the early 90’s. He put out another after that then met Butch, the drummer for eels. Anyway, this album “Electro Shock Blues” is centered on the events of basically everyone in his life dying. He found his father dead, his sister killed herself and his mother died of lung cancer. This album is the saddest and most sincere thing I have ever heard. Yeah Trent Reznor feels the pain of the world in his blood or whatever, but E’s entire family dies and he’s left to deal with it. So he does by writing this album. The first track is called “Elizabeth on the Bathroom Floor” and has lyrics like “laying on the bathroom floor/kitty licks my cheek once more/and i could try but waking up is harder when you wanna die

My name is Elizabeth
My life is shit and piss

The album also has songs like “Baby Genius” that addresses his father and the pressure he felt being a genius and the pressure E felt having to live up to that and “Dead of Winter” which is about his mother and her cancer.

so i know you're going pretty soon
radiation sore throat got your tongue
magic markers tattoo you
and show it where to aim
and strangers break their promises
you won't feel any
you won't feel any pain.

Aside from songs about his family there are also songs about his mindset and reaction to everything. The impressive thing about this album is it isn’t just E standing there crying the whole time. There are barbs of satire and humor throughout it. And, the final track, after all the tears are dry and you feel like joining Elizabeth on the bathroom floor, E’s includes a song called “P.S. You Rock My World” that opens with the line “I was at a funeral the day I realized I wanted to spend my life with you” and the whole masterpiece ends with the hopeful line “maybe it’s time to live” showing that even though these terrible things happened to him, he found a away to go on and thrive in the face of blah blah blah. It’s really less sappy if you listen to it.

CLOSURE! (part 4)


David Bowie: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
Ziggy Stardust is one of my favorites because it is the first concept album I heard and liked (an uninteresting side note: the first concept album I heard that I didn’t like was Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’, too much concept, not enough music). This album was David Bowie taking on the persona of Ziggy Stardust; an alien who forms a band called the Spiders from Mars, becomes a rock and roll superstar and then self destructs (not literally). Not only is almost every song amazing, but the story it tells is completely unique and even though each song is part of a larger whole, they can all stand on their own excellent works. Another cherry aspect of this album is its ability to be timeless. At any point in time, it is consistently better than almost anything else popular at the moment. The first track ‘Five Years’ sets up the story of the album: the Earth has five years before it dies (for some reason or other). Then in ‘Starman’, a ‘visitor’ is seen in the sky; perhaps he is sent to save the Earth. ‘Lady Stardust’ tells the story of Ziggy trying to fit in on Earth, trying to become a singer. ‘Star’ further outlines his journey and decision towards stardom. ‘Ziggy Stardust’ is the band Ziggy Stardust & the Spiders from Mars performing an autobiographical piece. Eventually, the band gets too famous and, like I said, self destruct (metaphorically). That ending is depicted in the last track ‘Rock N’ Roll Suicide’. Aside from the songs that contribute directly to the narrative, there are some unforgettable Bowie tracks such as ‘Moonage Daydream’, ‘Hang Onto Yourself’ and ‘Soul Love’ (which has a beat and a sax that just make me pregnant) that continue to rock after three fucking decades. Historically, it is one of Bowie’s defining moments/albums that earned him about 40 to 45 percent of his four hundred billion fans. Musically, it’s like a lot of early Bowie; good solid British 70’s rock, but with strings behind everything doing an amazing job emphasizing, accentuating and further explaining what the lyrics, guitars, drums and keyboards cannot. This album is one of the main reasons that Bowie is cool on such a galactic scale. Another reason is his huge “dance belt” from Labyrinth. If I had watched that movie like 4 more times as a kid I would be sucking dick right now.

Prince: Purple Rain
See the problem with Prince is that he has a lot of excellent songs but none of them are on the same album. Everyone owes the Hits discs one and two, but seldom do you see people owning more than one of Prince’s thirty plus albums, and that’s understandable. Yes, I said it. 70% of all Prince albums, on average, are unlistenable. Once he became the symbol, that percentage goes up to 95. However, even if it’s unlistenable, it’s goddamn sexy whatever it is. Back to what I was saying, I think one of the only albums of his that goes against the numbers is the Purple Rain soundtrack. It’s all original material recorded for the movie, so it’s not a “best of” or anything like it. It is pure sex on disc. Although all the songs are great, the highlights include “The Beautiful Ones”, “Darling Nikki and the title track. The other songs all kick ass and provide good music, but these songs are total unbridled emotional expression. Sometimes I feel that lyrics get in the way of the true meaning of a song and that’s why I appreciate a nice instrumental from time to time, but Prince has lyrics and pure expression in these three particular songs. "Darling Nikki" is a clear expression of lust and loss. When he starts screaming at the end, you feel the echoes of his orgasms from the night before and how sad it is to have lost that. "The Beautiful Ones" is his lovescream. The lyrics:

Do u want him?
Or do u want me?
Cause I want u
Said I want u
Tell me, babe
Do u want me?
I gotta know, I gotta know
Do u want me?
Baby, baby, baby
Listen 2 me
I may not know where I'm going (babe)
I said I may not know what I need
One thing, one thing's 4 certain baby
I know what I want, yeah
and if it please u baby
please u, baby
I'm begging down on my knees
I want u
Yes I do
Baby, baby, baby, baby
I want you

Yes I do

Nothing special, right? Right, on paper. But you hear the emotion in his voice and you feel these words rather than hear them. Then Purple Rain: a sad song with just his lyrics and the melody, but as soon as he starts crooning at the end, all the words drop away and we see the real Prince, baring his soul. Along with these super-meaningful powerful songs are the usual Prince superfuck songs. One (Let’s Go Crazy) which advises us to “look for that purple banana before they put us in the truck”. How can anyone deny the importance of these words? Still as true today as they were when they were written. Lastly, if you can’t get laid to this album, you should have been aborted and I suggest you rectify that mistake now.

Scissor Sisters: Scissor Sisters
 Almost every one of their songs just oozes pure unbridled sexuality, or in some cases, it oozes almost unbridled sexuality, which, in a way is almost sexier. I first heard of Scissor Sisters when Christina’s brother’s friend’s whoever-the-fuck, the radio DJ, said they were great. He also said they were Franz Ferdinand. So, I downloaded the Franz Ferdinand album. It sucked and my faith in some person who I didn’t know was shattered. Eventually, it was discovered that he had confused the two because the big single for FF was ‘Take Me Out’ and the big single for SS was ‘Take Your Mama (also thought of as ‘Take Your Mama Out’). An honest mistake. Anyhoo, my first exposure to Scissor Sisters (for real) was to see their video for ‘Take Your Mama’. It changed my life. The band consists of five members, Del Marquis, Paddy Boom (drummer), Baby Daddy, Ms. Ana Matronic and Jake Shears (lead vocals). They all have such personalities that listening to them takes on a whole new dimension. The vocals/lyrics are slightly Beck, slightly Prince and mostly saturated in warm sex. Since I love Beck, Prince and warm sex, this was the band for me. Musically, I think what does it for me is the same thing that makes Guns N’ Roses ‘Illusion II’ do it for me, the use of pianos in a non-piano setting. They are super fun and you wouldn’t expect to hear a piano here, but sure enough: pianos abound. Their breakout hit in the UK (where they are considered Gods) is a glam dance cover of Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb’. It sounds like a mix of Floyd and Bee Gees. The song ‘Filthy Gorgeous’ is another favorite. The song has an irresistible disco beat that makes you want to tear your clothes off and fuck things. With lyrics like “I’m a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess” and “You’re an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy daddy bastard” sung in an endearing falsetto, you can’t help but grizzoove. There are also a few heartfelt tracks on the album. “Mary” and “It Can’t Come Quickly Enough” are slower, but they still reek of sour sexy sweat. The final track on the album is called ‘Return to Oz” and addresses Frank L. Baum, the Return to Oz movie and it also references characters from “The Dark Crystal” while managing NOT to sound stupid. In that song there is also a guitar solo or two that would make Pink Floyd call their lawyers to check out precedents in “Guitar Solo Copyright Infringement” cases. They have a DVD coming out in January (fuck you, Will) that has a concert of theirs along with all their videos, which are also fantastic. In a nutshell, pretty much every song on the album would fit right in on an episode of “Queer As Folk”.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: One Hot Minute
This is more of a favorite from my past, but it’s still a favorite and I still love it. And this is the fucking Department of Redundancy Department Organization I’m an idiot. This album marks the first time RHCP broke the mold with their music. After OHM they continued to break the mold and I haven’t liked an album since. This album is special. Except for “Warped”. “Warped” is not special. “Warped” is a radio single, pure and simple. But the rest is great. This album has elements of spoken words scattered among the crazy fuck bass the flea specializes in and the heroin fueled guitar of Dave Navarro. The melodies on the whole thing are really tight and memorable. “Pea”, the Flea solo song, is amazing and his truculent little voice just brings new meaning to “I don’t have a lot of reasons to list why I like this album I just do so fuck you.” Children singing on “Aeroplane”: Awesome. Melody for “My Friends”: Awesome. Lyric from “Coffee Shop”: Meet me at the coffee shop/We can dance like Iggy Pop: Awesome. Everything about “Pea”: Awesome. Super funk I “Walkabout”, the tearjerking powers of “Tearjerker”, the rest of the album: Awesome.

Johnny Cash: The Man Comes Around
I hate country music. I am as physically angered by it as I am physically aroused by Prince music. Country music gives me a hate-on. The rest of the time it leaves me stricken with bowel-shattering diarrhea. So why in the piss-stained socks do I have a Johnny Cash album on my thing here? I believe that Cash WAS country and CAN be country, but also that he can transcend country. This album, with the exceptions of two or three tracks towards the end, is that transcendent type of Cash music. As you might know, Cash died soon after putting this album out and by listening to the way he says “weary” (see entry) I can imagine he was happy to go. Before he died, his wife killed herself. Cash then went to producer Rick Rubin (who had done his last three or so albums) and said that if he didn’t start recording music twenty-four hours a day, he would follow suit. That’s the mindset he was in when he did this album. This is the perfect “I Am About to Die” album. Every track has such weariness and feeling behind it that he is able to make such incredibly well-known songs such as the Beatles “In My Life” and Depeche Mode’s painfully overcovered “Personal Jesus” completely his own. As far as the spiritual/traditional songs like “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” and “Danny Boy” he also brings new “life” to them and by “life” I mean “I wonder how this song would sound sung by a dead body”. His original title track is terrifyingly apocalyptic and I can picture him just reciting into a tape recorder what he sees when he closes his eyes, the whole “pale rider and his name was Death” bit. He redefines Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” and in case you haven’t seen the Mark Romanek video for “Hurt”, you don’t know what it’s like to actually see death on film. But this album isn’t all sadness and death. On “Sam Hall” I can’t stop laughing at the cantankerous old bastard Cash portrays. The final track “We’ll Meet Again” is one of the saddest songs ever recorded. Johnny Cash and his whole surviving family singing this cheerful lil’ ditty in an off key Disney-esque manner is enough to make anyone break down into convulsive sobs, especially after listening to the rest of the album with its heart stabbers “Hurt”, “Give My Love To Rose”, Bridge”, “In My Life” etc.

In case anyone is still bored or has even more time on their hands, here are some links to some of the bands above (don't worry, no mufftorrents here...):
Beck
Cake
eels
Marilyn Manson
Nine Inch Nails
Scissor Sisters
They Might Be Giants

1.16.2005

and again and

******
56 times per minute
3360 times per hour
26,880 total in 8 hours

I want you to think of those numbers. Think of something you would not like to experience 56 times a minute for 8 hours, nothing outrageous or life altering, just something repetitive and annoying. I’m really in no mood to beat around the bush, imagistically speaking.
When I came into work tonight, the duplicitous smilestab bitch Debbie (Will, think Dorcas meets Janus) lets me know that a panel has “gone out”. She’s a bit of a tard, so I smile and nod and roll my eyes. Tardo the Dumpyy was right. A panel had indeed “gone out”. For all you lay people out there, allow me to translate this indecipherable codex….

56 times per minute
3360 times per hour
26,880 total in 8 hours

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

That wasn’t so tough to read, now was it? Shucks, you probably didn’t even read the whole thing, did you? Heck, assuming you know me and my sense of humor and my style of hyperbole and my love of reshaping reality to my own height standards, you most likely aren’t even reading this. You inflamed, pus-filled vaginas.
I’ve passed my 10,000th beep about 35 minute ago and, to be perfectly honest, it’s not really bugging me, wasn’t ever really really bugging me. But…it is odd. Think of a clock tha, instead of ticking quietly, beeped to mark the passing seconds. At this very instant, the idle cursor is blinking in time with the noise. Sometimes (as I will start doing around 5:30 in the morning or so) I will start to hum songs to myself using the beeping as a sort of metronome. Hey, Will, maybe, if we include the Hospital in the movie, we could use the beeping to start a song or something? Very “Dancer in the Dark”.

56 times per minute
3360 times per hour
26,880 total in 8 hours

It’s like that song from Rent, but without the Gay AIDS.

If I just sit and let my eyes lose focus, I begin to hear the tonal value of the Beeps. I listen closely, I believe that tone is changing. If I close my eyes and let the Beeps inside of my self, I can actually hear them bouncing off objects around the room. A step further, I can hear the air itself being affected by its interaction with the Beeps.
It’s so binary.
Okay, I just wanted to get that out there.

56 times per minute
3360 times per hour
26,880 total in 8 hours

11,581
11,582
11,583
******
So I arrive home at around 7ish in the AM, and then, being myself, I scan through the dozen or so web sites I check and I came across an update to a They Might Be Giants' site. If you people want to feel stupid, then smart, go here--> http://www.nextbigthing.org/stream/ram.py?file=nbt/tnbt011405d.ra
Here's a hint, you will learn three new words: contrecoup (really cool definition), limerent (so-so definition, more complicated thah it should be, but that's what the dictionary is for) and craniosophic (very mysterious definition). I was very excited for two reasons: First, I love obscure words (not the well-known obscure ones either) and second, if TMBG keeps writing songs like this, they will quickly reisolate all the teenagers that found them because of Malcom in the Middle. And now I sleep.

1.11.2005

Just me and the Biz

Aside from having the Black Death, this has been an EXCELLENT day. I talked to the producer of the French Cookie commercial and got updated on that, I talked to the director of the Fuse promos and not only did he tell me they will be on Fuse in about two weeks, but that he will send me a copy of all the spots AND then he gave me a link to the rough cuts which I cannot put up here, but I have them on my PC if you're that interested...Kaitlyn. I also talked to the head cheese at the place I recorded the Scholastic vo and I should be getting a copy of that soon. Then, out of fucking blue nowhere, I get a call from the writer of Women of Athens. We are doing a FOURTH run of the show at the Producer's Club on 45th and 9th from April 7th to April 24th. I AM OFFICIALLY OFF-BROADWAY!! WOO! To celebrate the next step up the ladder of Super God Stardom, I will be going to Wales. Four words, people: Bangers, Mash, and Spotted Dick.
Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa, but it bears repeating: Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa. Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa Also, most of you know/have been invited to my Bizzy Dizzy party on Saturday, January 22nd at Pizzeria Uno on 86th between 2nd and 3rd/Eastside Billiards on 86th between 3rd and Lex/ mi casa