4.30.2016

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - April 2016

Well, my ass just got morcellated by the government, but it's all worth it when you look at the plethora of new ah shit there's nothing.

Nine Inch Nails
OR IS THERE?! It looks like Reznor, Mrs. Reznor, and Mrs. Finck-Reznor are all involved in the new season of Twin Peaks. While some people speculate that Reznor will be acting in the third season*, I'm confident that this just means a Reznor/Reznor/Finck reimagining of the original TP score**, but this time, with more dissonance! And, since Julee Cruise was also tagged, maybe Trent will give her some good music over which to caterwaul.
We won't know until next month, when second-long blips of music start rolling out from nin.com every week until mid 2017, when the show airs.

They Might Be Giants
TMBG have wrapped up their "Phone Power Tour"*** and, aside from some make-up dates and a small handful of special appearances this year, will go into hiding to create A WHOLE NEW YEAR OF MUSIC FOR 2017.
I'm shocked I've made it almost halfway through the year without getting the TMBG DTs...


In other news, Garbage released a new song from their upcoming album and it's...a Garbage song. Meh.

MOTHER FEATHER'S ALBUM IS OUT IN TWO WEEKS BUT I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO IT ALMOST NON-STOP FOR A MONTH. THE REVIEW IS FORTHCOMING.

Finally, I still don't quite believe that Prince is dead. Just typing that feels impossible. Score one for that bastard God; what is the ONLY WAY to make the world forget about Bowie's death? Kill Prince.
You fucking cunt.
Why can't Justin Bieber die? Or any of the, literally, hundreds of goddamn awful shitty "singers" out there? At some point soon, I'm going to watch his three films, bawl myself stupid and then accept this, but, not yet.
Also, these as-yet-unconfirmed rumors that the man died of AIDS and had been living with HIV since the mid fucking 90's seem ridiculous. He WAS sex, so how could he POSSIBLY have contracted a sexually transmitted disease? That's like saying the sun got skin cancer or the ocean drowned...
Prince is responsible for some of the best moments in me and my best friends' lives, and I'll never forget that. Yet another truly unique soul in this parade of gray mediocrity has been lost and the universe will never recover.
One thing I will say: if his goddamn sister had anything to do with his death, my dwindling faith in humanity will be absolutely extinguished and I shall devote myself, fully, to ending this sick and broken world.

* We are calling it a new season, not a reboot or series, right?

** Oh Christ, I hope he's not acting in it...

*** Which, oddly enough, only features three songs from the album after which it takes its name...

4.26.2016

"SPECTRE" PROBLEMS

When I walked out of the theater that night, I was apoplectic. Not only had it been a bad Bond film, something I thought we'd seen the last of in 2002 when whatever devils shat out Die Another Day*, but it had actually managed to damage and devalue the previous three, excellent Bond films*** and set the whole franchise back. After that shitty little tacked on scene, I was completely fine with a new Bond****. Toss it out and burn it down.

Since then, I have purchased the film and rewatched it, taking notes about what, exactly, had made me so furious, confident that it couldn't be that bad, right?

I am exceedingly pleased to admit to myself that it's not, in fact, that bad, and convinced now that that guy who said Spectre was "the worst Bond films in 30 years" had never seen Die Another Day.

After some time and distance (and filtering out the niggling shit), here are my biggest issues with the new Bond:

Oh that credit sequence: In all seriousness, did NOT ONE PERSON INVOLVED with this know of the existence of tentacle porn? Also, while we're talking about octopi: the octopus as a symbol works, but the actual octopus, especially an octopus/woman hybrid does not. Fire, good; mirrors, good; hentai, BAD.
Then, there's Sam Smith's voice. His testicles? Where are they, please? I get that there must be emotion, but, if you're going to get that high, just get a lady to do it. I don't want Bond to be associated with men singing in breathless falsetto. Unless it's as a joke.
Or unless it's beautiful.


WHY DID BLOFELD’S TORTURE CHAIR DO, LITERALLY, NONE OF THE THINGS HE SAID IT WOULD DO?! Not only did Bond remember exactly who Swan was seconds after having his brain drilled, but, moments later, he sprints down a hallway, disarms a guy, shoots that propane thing, and snipes a whole bunch of dudes, things one couldn’t do without, you know, "sight, hearing, and balance", all the things Blofeld said he'd just fucked with. Plus, if ANY of his senses had been the slightest bit affected, that would have been an excellent time for Swan to be more than a damsel with pretty hair. It ends up making Blofeld look like an idiot.

That weird and clearly tacked on bit at the end. It's obvious the creators didn't know how they wanted to leave things, so they shot that bit of drivel.

And here's the niggling shit I filtered out.

"I think you're just getting started!" - Jesus fuck

So, that posthumous message from M indicates that she knew about SPECTRE? Nah, let's not bother explaining that.

Hi, I'm Rory Kinnear, double-0 exposition.

"Of course! (forehead slap) Mr. WHite!!!!!!!11!!!"

Making Mr. Hinx superhuman is the bad kind of reference to older bond movies. Jaws was Jaws, let him rest.

Why does SPECTRE headquarters feel like a spa?

The details of the ring and how it connects everything is WAY underexplained. I had to pause the movie on Q's computer screen to put it together. Am I that stupid? 

"I'M THE METEOR!!! ME! AND SPECTRE! WE'RE ALL THE METEOR!!!"

Blofeld talks about how he was (indirectly) responsible for the death of all the women in Bond's life, but the woman from QoS didn't die. You'd think with so many cameras, that Blofeld would have known that.

So much surveillance and foreknowledge of Bond and they didn't check his watch?

The fluffy, white cat just for fan service felt silly.

So love is stronger than…cataclysmic brain trauma?

They should have let the "now we know what 'C' stands for" joke stand on its own.

The escape from M I 6 was way too cozy.

That last a little car commercial moment is just awful.

Here's what I'd like to see if there is another Bond in this series: 
SPECTRE returning to its roots and moving off of the personal shit with Bond. Or, maybe they put a bounty out on Bond and Swan, allowing us to see a little more of her being awesome. You could also throw in 009...played by Idris Elba. And, one way they could ameliorate that pointless and completely ineffective torture scene would be to have lingering effects hindering Bond.
I'd really like to see Swan in the next one and the issues Bond has with real life. We didn't get nearly a long enough look at that with Vesper in the third act of Casino Royale.

Or reboot the whole thing. Again. After the bad taste Spectre left in my mouth, I'd be fine throwing out Craig and starting things over. I like M, I like Q, I like Moneypenny, and I like Blofeld.

* One of my favorite credit sequences though.**

** Not the music; the visuals and story tie-in.

*** I enjoy Quantum of Solace as a direct follow-up to Casino Royale, not something to be viewed after a long period of time.

**** Although not Idris Elba. I love his strength and grit but he is not Bond any more more than James Brolin is.

4.15.2016

A review of Har Mar Superstar's "Best Summer Ever"

My first exposure to Har Mar Superstar (AKA Sean Tillmann) was a song called “Sextape” which combined my favorite elements of Beck and Prince into one filthy little ditty. Ever since then, I've been into his unique and sweaty* brand of sleazy R&B/dance. On his latest album however, the sleaze has been washed away...by reminiscent tears.
I do not know what I was expecting**, but Best Summer Ever was not it. It's so goddamn sincere! Tracks like "Don’t Erase", "Confidence", "How Did I Get Through the Day?" (strong "I Only Have Eyes For You" vibe on this one), and "I Hope" (a fantastic opener which seems to start things off at the end of the proceedings, rather than the beginning) are heartbreakingly real. Scars from lost summer loves, perhaps? This is not a slezeless release, however. "Anyone's Game" and "It Was Only Dancing (Sex)" have got some jizz on them, but there's still that patina of sincerity lurking at their core. There's also "Haircut" (featuring Karen O.), which could have been a lost track from some 70's compilation consisting of artists who tried to start new dance crazes and failed ("Hey! Everybody do the Crewcut!"). Karen O.'s giggles on the track only add to the silliness.
I've never thought of HMS as a joke artist; he's too dedicated to what he's doing, and Best Summer Ever is no exception. This is a legitimately heartfelt album, almost overflowing with moments of genuine feelings and emotions. Has Tillmann grown up? Has he abandoned his gold lame bikini briefs?*** Personally, I hope not, but, then again, I'm a bit peculiar. Any normal person could bring this album to the beach, hit repeat, and have a really excellent (if somewhat tumescent) time, especially if any of those normal people loved music about heartache from the 60's, 70's, or 80's, as Tillman and  Julian Casablancas (who produced the album and penned "Youth Without Love") perfectly captured all three decades. Whether or not Har Mar Superstar has, indeed, grown up, he will always have a sweat-stained and shady place in my heart, and, if you're willing to get a little filthy yourself, you might find one there for him as well.
* Oh so incredibly sweaty...
** Aside from a guy who looks a hell of a lot like Ron Jeremy wearing underwear, socks, and a smile, I suppose.
*** Several pairs of which I assume he owns.

A review of Mother Feather at the Bowery Electric on 4/1/16

With Matt Basile, Chris Foley, and Gunnar Olsen as the oxygen, Ann Courtney as the flame, and Lizzie Carena as her smoke, Mother Feather engineered a conflagration in which one would be ecstatic to burn, a willing sacrifice to all the gods of pop cock rock that are or ever were.
It started with Basile, Foley, and Olsen (bassist, guitarist, and drummer, respectively) filing onto the stage, followed by Lizzie (vox and keyboards), and, finally, Ann, the front woman, shrouded in red. There was the jaunty ribaldry of “Trampoline”, the bass onslaught of “Natural Disaster”, a brand new track, “I.C.U.”, debuted at the band’s BBC Radio 1 performance*, the ever-rousing anthem "Mother Feather", the lustfully inspiring "Mirror", and more, ending with “Totally Awesome”, a song about New York City which would sound insincere or satirical coming from anyone else's lips. But they believe it. So you believe it. Days later, the energy given off by Mother Feather is still with me.
To put things differently: have you ever had sex with a fire? If you’d like to know what that feels like, go see Mother Feather live.
Mother Feather’s new video for “Living, Breathing” (filmed at the Bowery Electric in March) is live now, their debut LP is set for release on Metal Blade Records on 13 May, and later this summer, they will spread their fire across America on the Warped Tour.
* Listen quickly, it's timed.

4.05.2016

A review of The Dandy Warhol's "Distortland"





















Jesus. The Dandy Warhols have been a thing for over two decades. That's absolutely spectacular. And, either by accident or because their entire career thus far has been a carefully orchestrated series of events, they are releasing their 10th album, Distortland, just about twenty years after their inception.

As its title and cover art indicate, there's a pervasive haze in and around this album, which tends to make the first or second listen seem a bit characterless when compared to their previous works, but, if one persists, they'll see there are definite shapes in the mist, and they're all well built.  

"Semper Fidelis" has a menacing, skittering creep to it that robs honor from its title, and an ominous pulse and chugging, almost heavy metal, guitar, just barely there. "Pope Reverend Jim" starts with a robotic clangor which remains throughout, but is occasionally matched and overcome by some straight up surf rock, something you can twist to. "Catcher In The Rye" has the vibe of a mischievous, sinister Sesame Street. "Give" is downtrodden yet determined. And "STYGGO", which starts out sounding like a Disco/Funk cover of "Sympathy For The Devil" reveals itself to be a pure Dandys groove.

The "realest" track on the album, however, is tucked in just at the end and lasts less than two minutes. It's called "The Grow Up Song". "All of my friends are mommies / even Johnny is a dad / and I'm glad / I guess”. What happens when 90's psych/grunge/pot rockers survive the 90's? When they don't overdose or break up? When they get married and have children of their own? From Courtney Taylor-Taylor's perspective, it sounds kind of sad. And if he is, indeed, "too old for this shit", what does that mean for the future of the Dandy Warhols? After all, they did end up covering "Blackbird"*.

Not everything on Distortland will impress at first listen, but do yourself a favor and stick with it, the stuff you find hidden in the haze is choice.