End of the Month Music Bitchfest - July

Drink this Whine and know that I am Bitch...

Nine Inch Nails
Well, if we're going by the dictionary definition of "nothing" then I can't really say "nothing".
I suppose it would be more fair to say "two small things".
The first small thing: Reznor posted his public profile on Spotify, the new (in the US) music sharing program that seems at once to be the best way to advertise a band (by letting people listen to anything and everything they've done) and yet another nail in the record industry's coffin.
But, yeah, Reznor put his profile up on it.
Which proves only that he is alive...or that Rob Sheridan is posing as Reznor on the Internet.
The second small thing, which isn't really small, just sort of...I don't know, irritating in a way: There was a new picture posted on the How To Destroy Angels web site of a small stack of Starburst candies on a console.
It's entitled: recording.
Now...sorry to bitch but, well, read the title, slugger...Reznor said that the HTDA album would be out in "Quarter 1, 2011", which means that the album, which, as of last week was in the process of "recording" was due out four months ago.
In a later interview, he said that is was being mixed this summer.
It's officially "this summer" and yet they are still "recording".
I understand completely that a problem in mixing might lead to some additional recording, but...
Oh never mind.
I think the next few Monthly Music Bitchfest Nine Inch Nails sections will contain the phrase "blame it on the baby".
Next.

Beck
Beck.
Beck, Beck, Beck.
After producing the latest rip-roaring speed metal album from Stephen Malkmus and the Jinks, Beck is contributing some tracks to the new Dwight Yoakam project.
This I get because Beck is a huge fan of his and some of his music is greatly influenced by the Yoakster.
But, according to Rock God Mr. Malkmus, Beck is also looking to start a small, private publishing company, a place to publish writing, drawings etc.
Beck: release new music soon of feel the wrath of Thor.
Not a threat.
A promise.

They Might Be Giants
The band's triumphant return to death-affirming music has taken place and the new album is growing on me nicely. Still not as musically diverse or catchy as "The Else", but a solid release.
They're about to launch their huge, globe-spanning tour in a week and that will hopefully result in a lot of crazy fun live shows.
In a recent interview, Flans was asked about possibly doing more children's music; he responded that if they did, it would veer away from the educational, allowing them to "write songs in a more open way".
I think that's excellent as that is how their one and only excellent kid's album, "No!", was created, and, while I'd obviously prefer more "adult" music from them, at least that will allow them to make that cash without having to make that shitty, boring music.
Also, as one of the thousand members of the They Might Be Giants Instant Fan Club (you can find my name, along with Jade's and nine hundred and ninety eight other lucky pups listed in the liner notes of the digital version of "Join Us"), next month I will be receiving two exclusive vinyl EP's, one of the band's "Other Thing Brass Band" performances (which might go up for sale at some point) and one of four not-going-to-be-released-anywhere-else-ever-or-at-least-for-right-now tracks recorded specifically for the Instant Fan Club.
Now that is some cool shit.
I'm still set to see them today along with a tonne of other folks.
Come and be with us, it's free and we'll be sweaty...oh, so sweaty...

Eels
Eels have just kicked off their North American tour and I'll be seeing them a day after TMBG.
Still no new album on the horizon and, still, I am comfortable with that.
After the 30th, I might put them on the Passive Bitch Roster...which is totally a real thing.

Cake
Remember how I just mentioned the Passive Bitch Roster?
Which is totally a thing?
Yeah, congratulations Cake, you are the first addition to this thing, which is real, totally.
Basically, these eco-twerps haven't made a sound regarding anything since they released "Showroom of Compassion" in January.
There's that weird made-from-recycled-feelings book relating to their track "Bound Away" and some music videos, but not even a whisper since the (I am now 100% convinced) lie about having as brand new album out by the end of this year.
So, until something comes up worth talking about, Passive Bitch Roster Xmax, you snide little janglers, you.

Quite a bit of movement on the Not My Five Favorite Bands front...
First off, remember when, a month ago, Marilyn Manson was going to release the title of his new masterturd in a week?
Well, he didn't.
I don't blame this on his innate desire to make his drooling, tasteless fans bark and dance with anticipation like Bijon's with Snausages...I'm convinced he simply forgot about it.
Not forgot about the announcement, but, rather forgot about the new album that has been completely finished and has been for months.
Wasn't there some band or artist who had finished a whole album then totally forgot about it because of drugs and then recorded another brand new and completely different album?
The Doors maybe?
Hm.
If not, then Marilyn Manson might be the first.
While he isn't doing anything musically, he has contributed a painting to an auction on behalf of one of the guys who was maybe wrongly accused of murdering some kids some time ago.
The...Muskrat Three?
Something like that.
Whatever.
If the sale of this painting goes towards getting this guy (Damien something...Echolis? Echois?) out of jail, he's going to have to think of Marilyn Manson every time he thinks of his freedom.
I might pick the death penalty...
Which is, incidentally, the new single off Manson's as-yet-unannounced-but-totally-amazing-and-musically-viable-trust-me new album, "I Might Pick The Death Penalty".
Coming soon to a disinterested teenager's iPod near you.

In the world of Garbage: WOO! About a week ago, the Garbage website (which hadn't been updated since mid-2009) was replaced with the band's name in pink on a black background and the words "coming soon" as well as links to their Twitter and Facebook pages, both of which have been abuzz with stuff over the past few days, including pictures from the studio and a handful of in studio videos.
Recently, Manson told MTV that the band has 24 songs ready and they're polishing/whittling them down.
Very excited to see what's coming next from them.

Since last month, Tori Amos has put up the cover art for her September release, "Night of the Huntress", on which she looks like a (slightly) young(er) Angelica Houston.
She's also announced a slew of UK and US tour dates, including a show at the Beacon on December 2nd.
I'm split on this one because the two times I've seen her before, she really did put on an amazing show (she gave me a danish at one!) but here recent stuff has been so shit and I'm not really that interested in seeing her and a piano.
Have to wait on this one, which probably means I'm not going to get in.
Life...sometimes...is not fair...to the attractive, well off and white.
But somehow...we...I...carry on...

St. Vincent, meanwhile, has done one better, posting cover art, the track list, tour dates and a song from her new album, "Strange Mercy", also due out in September. The track, called "Surgeon" has some phat beats and hyper funk riffs. It starts out sounding a bit like "You Only Live Twice", then it feels very summery until the last minute or so when it feels very summery-in-the-80's with some crazy synth stuff going on.
This track makes me feel good about the new album.
As jaded as I may appear, I did get some tingles when I clicked on my Winamp and heard the beginning of this brand new music.
This usually happens with new music.
Especially when I love everything I'm hearing.
Her first tour date is in August at the Met.
For $25 I think I'll be there.

I believe that's all for this month.
At the moment, Garbage and St. Vincent seem to be the light at the end of the tunnel for me.
As far as NIN and Beck, who the fuck knows when something is going to happen, TMBG, Eels and Cake are touring and probably aren't going to have anything new for a bit, Marilyn Manson...thinks he's Lewis Carol and Tori's track record is just too spotty.
But Garbage and St. Vincent are consistent.
They will be my Rock of Ages.
My Rock of Rock.
And Shirley Manson is still super hot.
It's made from girrrrderrrrs....

This Weekend In Sloth

7.25.11

5:03 pm

 

Thursday evening, Chris and I put in our air conditioner and then I dragged my mattress into the living room.

It has been there since.

My increased proximity to my entertainment center has resulted in the following: less motion.

BUT I did manage to record the 18th chapter of The Grind Show.

I think it may have been a massive fail as far as this project goes.

Hopefully it's all up hill from here.

Or uphill, whichever Spell Check deems fitting.

Along with that, I finished a remix I've had in the back of my head since...well, 1997.

Not for public consumption, this is just for me to enjoy and that makes it okay.

 

Other than these two "achievements" everything else was flan, baby.

I watched The Green Hornet (might be worse than The Shadow, but I'm not sure. No, wait, yes, I'm sure, because this was made IN THE PAST YEAR).

Watched Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (bottom line, these people are having fun and it's fun to watch people having fun...at least when one of them is Steve Guttenberg).

Saw Horrible Bosses with Jeannie and Chris (best 'R' rated comedy I've seen in a while, better than both Brides Maids and Bad Teacher).

I'm also still chewing my way through the final season of 24.

Beginning to get really concerned about where I'm going to get my mindless action fix once this show is gone from my life.

In a moment of panic, I took Netflix's advice and added the entirety of Prison Break, half out of desperation and half out of wonder at how in the fuck they're going to stretch a prison break over five fucking seasons.

Made the prison is a prison for prisons?

SPOILERS!!!

I am gloriously happy that Netflix has added the next two seasons of That Mitchell and Webb Look to their Instant Thing.

I watched most of the second series last night and had trouble not waking Christina with my laughter.

There is a little bit they do at the end of one of the episodes (as themselves) involving the creation of cheese which is incredibly funny.

 

As for paper TV, I am still reading A Clash of Kings and it really is a chapter by chapter thing now.

Once I've drilled through that, I plan to take a break with either John Hodgman's Areas of My Expertise, the third and final book in the Millennium trilogy, the Hunger Games series (recommended by Jeannie) or maybe the latest book in the Dresden Files, Ghost Story, which comes out tomorrow.

One thing is for sure: whenever I choose to read it, I'll be buying it tomorrow to avoid being book-raped for buying it next week, when the price triples.

And yes, I do know two people working for the publisher, both who could probably get me a copy for free, but I haven't spoken to them in maybe half a year or more and that would be a bit obvious, no?

I also have the latest Terry Pratchett...

Mm...reading options...

 

Should be wrapping up Saint's Row 2 soon and I'm fine with that.

Feeling a bit of open world burnout.

Might finish Portal 2's co-op if Will ever drags himself away from his dead end exploring-the-universe job and focuses up.

WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT GLADOS IS UP TO!!!!

 

Also did some research on iPads.

God damn those things are expensive.

Even the basic model.

Anyone know Bill Gates?

Or where he keeps his iPad?

...call me...

 

All right then.

You've had enough.

They Might Be Giants Destroy SoHo Apple Store With Rock

7.21.11

4:42 pm

 

Not really.

I mean, it's still there and you can still buy iStuff and that.

But Flans did make a comment regarding the lack of oxygen...

 

So, I showed up around five to obtain a good seat for TMBG's in-store appearance yesterday, only to be told by a Guy Sitting At A Desk that the actual line for the show would start around six and that I should check back in around then, six.

I said fine, I'll pretend to be shopping until then.

He smiled.

Asshole.

I began to pretend to study the packaging of the Mac products only to realize that it's hard to do that when there's nothing written on them.

Fucking minimalist corporations...

Then the band started doing sound check and that was cool, showing off a few never-before-played songs like "Can't Keep Johnny Down" and "Cloisonné". Once they left the stage around 5:20, I abandoned the top floor and went downstairs to play with some iPod Touches.

Meh.

I have an iPod.

I can touch it AND it has more space than these faggy little Touches ever will.

It did look pretty cool though and there's something so almost-the-future about touch pad stuff.

Then...I saw the iPads.

I don't consider myself a real techy guy.

I own an 80GB iPod and have owned it for years, only a few times considering the upgrade to a 160GB.

I own the cheapest cell phone available, not caring about having a tiny computer with me at all times.

I'd say this is half a vision thing (hey, cool, a tiny little screen on which to watch movies!!! AND I get to pay for it?! WOO!!!) and half a "I have a phone and all the music I'll ever need on me at all times, I'm set" thing.

Then...as I said...I saw the iPads.

I walked over and saw the strings of a guitar displayed on one of these things, looked at my cell phone's display and saw I still had over a half hour before the line for the seven o'clock show even formed, so I plugged my headphones into the iPad and started playing around.

Wow.

I spent a huge amount of time just messing around with this music program.

It was fascinating!

You may or may not know this, but the most recent Gorillaz album, "The Fall", was all composed and recorded using an iPad (1 not 2), and, although not the best written, the idea that this was all done on an iPad was mind blowing.

I now understand how that could have happened.

After spending way too much time exploring this music making program (which, I believe, comes with the iPad) I moved to the iPad next to it...this one had video games on it...

Now, while I might not be a techy guy, I am, most certainly, a gamer.

Not the pothead-first-person-Call-of-Warfare gamer, but I own a PlayStation 3 and buy several games a year.

I listen to a podcast that focuses chiefly on gaming. Not a lot, but every once in a while, the guys on the podcast will bring up something that sounds amazing...but is only for iPads.

I have never thought, oh wow, that's so cool as to warrant the $500 or $600 to buy an iPad.

Because, basically, I'd be paying $500 or $600 for a video game.

Which I don't really think I could do.

I mean it.

But...$500 or $600 for a video game...and a portable recording studio?

Anyway, long story short, I did NOT buy an iPad, but I can see myself doing so at some point.

Back to the story, I looked at my watch after playing Angry Birds and say it was 5:55.

Perfect.

I went back to the top of the stairs and asked about the line for the TMBG show.

"Oh, yeah, that's downstairs and forty people long."

Fucks.

But, thanks to this monstrous height of mine and the size of the performance space, I was seven feet away from the band as opposed to three feet, so it was actually negligible.

Eventually the show started, the band tentatively opening with a new song, "Never Knew Love".

Meh.

I don't love the song on the album and I don't really love it live.

Then "Fingertips".

Yes.

Rock solid as ever with some new flourishes that made it even better.

Then the first single off the new album, "Can't Keep Johnny Down", which sounds a whole lot like the album version.

Also a touch "meh".

They brought it back with "Twistin'", fun as always, with a cool segue into "Ana Ng", an old favorite.

After that, they surprised me by playing "Memo To Human Resources", the morose track from 2004's The Spine.

An odd choice.
Then the only kid's song, and, in my opinion, the only good one from the three Disney albums, "Alphabet of Nations".

Then some repositioning before another new one, one of my favorites off the new album, "You Probably Get That A Lot", which was carried out wonderfully.

Then "Dr. Worm" which, well, I'm starting to count it among those TMBG songs I really don't care to see live anymore.

It's not their fault, it's just that I've seen it played at almost every show since my first back in 1998.

After that, another new one, "Cloisonné" which featured John Linnell on the bass clarinet, "all the way from the basement". This one...kind of broke down at the end.

It sort of worked, "we'll be announcing the winner of that song later" remarked Linnell, but I could see it working well with their full horn section.

Then the always wonderful live staple "Birdhouse In Your Soul" before Flansburgh commanded us to stand for "the shortest song of the set", "Judy Is Your Viet Nam", which, despite not really hitting me on the album, is great live. The drummer, Marty, started this track off with the intro from "Clap Your Hands" and, for a moment, I wondered if the Apple store could handle all the jumping and stomping...
Then, the last track off The Else, the still-enjoyable "The Mesopotamians" before the one song encore of "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" featuring a blazing extended guitar intro from Dan Miller and an extended jam band outro hosted by Flansburgh.

Huge energy for such a tiny space.

It was great to see TMBG after so long a time and I'm more excited than ever about seeing them AND Jonathan Coulton AND Eugene Mirman AND Kristen Schaal AND Patton Oswalt....for free.

God, something has got to be wrong with that set up..

Guess I'll find out in 8 days.

Wong.

 

Never Knew Love

Fingertips

Twistin'

Ana Ng

Closonne

You Probably Get That A Lot

Alphabet of Nations

Dr. Worm

Memo To Human Resources

Judy Is Your Viet Nam (with Clap Your Hands intro)

Birdhouse

Istanbul

 

Art Poop

7.19.11

3:38 pm

 

By the way, the definition in the Paulitosphere of "art poop" is as follows:

 

(n.) Stuff that comes out of one's brainus

 

And, if you need to ask what a brainus is...then you don't have one.

 

My "vacation" was bliss except for the awful, hateful heat, in which I become a misery.

I believe, at times, that I am part rock troll.

As promised, I finished the seventh season of 24 (totally thought Jack was going to die except for the fact that the eighth season exists and that Jack is in it, not dead), wrapped up my time with Resident Evil 5 (a very enjoyable experience, SO many Infected Africans dead by my hand...you're welcome), stepped into the GTA-like pool of Saint's Row 2 (badly designed at times, but overall so far so good), drank bubble tea at least once a day, had dinner with Chris a record-breaking four days in a row, saw Bad Teacher which wasn't awful but suffered from Apatow Placebo Syndrome and saw the remake of Alice In Wonderland.

I have to say, regarding that movie, I don't get why people hated it so much.

For what they did wrong, they did a whole lot right, even if they didn't spell it all out for you.

 

AND, along with all this delicious nothing, I finished editing and submitted my entry to They Might Be Giants' "Can't Keep Johnny Down" video contest, in which, I found out late last night, I was named as one of the six runners up.

As a prize, the judge, writer and Personal Computer John Hodgman is going to buy me a pizza.

His issues with my video were all technical (lighting, editing, overall muddiness) and have pushed me over the edge.

I have recruited Ray to help me find a camera that: A. is not a shitty cow dick, B. is not over 11 years old and C. is not a shitty cow dick.

My focus is on A and C, although B is also of great import.

I've heard Tiger Electronics is a place to start looking...

Will has strongly suggested that I start a Kickstarter using the promise of custom-made videos, George Washington Diarrhea songs and other weird shit no one would ever pay for to raise money for said new camera.

Totally unrelated, did you know that Sir Richard Branson just bought Kickstarter?

Me neither.

But I digress.

After seeing the other runners up and the winner, I must say I don't think the winner should have won.

I am NOT saying that mine should have, it really does look like shit compared to HD videos of actual shit, but there were two other runners up that top the winners, hands down.

I'm going to stop saying "runners up" now because it sounds weird and wrap this up by saying I am super super happy to have ranked among the top six of over a hundred entrants.

This video wouldn't have happened without the help of Ray, Steve, Paul (not me or the Simon Pegg movie, but another person actually named Paul), Lauren and her Scotsman, Brian.

And it would totally never EVER have happened without Christina, who gave up her July 4th to embark upon on of the most obnoxious filming days ever.

 

Speaking of segues...I woke unrealistically early today to obtain a super special wristband which grants me entrance into tomorrow evening's free TMBG in store appearance at the SoHo Apple Store.

Maybe I'll get an iPad while I'm there.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Get it?

You will.

It's a way-homer.

After my adventure to the SewHoe, I went to an audition for Papa Gino's Pizza which was very fun and then I picked up the CD version of the new They Might Be Giants album, thus releasing me from any and all guilty feeling regarding my illegal download of the album last week.

Or any album.

Ever.

For reals.

The album is good.

It's not great, but it's good.

I'm far too close to be objective so I'm interested to hear what Will or Bill have to say, guys who are more...less psychotic...about the band than I.

Although I do blame Will for this initial psychosis ("we have Hank" I believe the text of the poster was to read...) and Bill for putting me in actual, physical contact with my objects of obsession, however, in the long run, that encounter seems to have made me less psychotic about them as people, if not about their music and the rate at which they produce it.

As long as they keep their distance from kid's music for a while (say eighty or ninety years), I think we'll alllll be fine.

 

Switching gears, there was a writ passed down from the Rich White Guys running my Hospital that if anyone trips, slips or falls while in the facility, they are NOT TO BE HELPED BY ANYONE THAT ISN'T NURSING STAFF.

Great, so not only are you humiliated by your (most likely very public) fall to the ground (maybe into a puddle of something if you're lucky!!!!), you must remain there in pain and embarrassment until someone with less intelligence that a rotting fish stick (BUT ONE WITH A SHINY PIECE OF PAPER) can find a moment to trundle over to you, tut tutting about how clumsy you "is".

In related news, there was a memo sent out to all employees from the Employee Health Service Office...turns out that there have been a lot of incident reports of employees slipping and falling because they were wearing inappropriate footwear (plastic sandals, shoes with plastic soles, etc.).

The irony...it tastes like funny...

 

Watched the Dark Knight Rises teaser earlier today.

A full year before the film's scheduled release date.

*sigh*

This is going to be a long year.

 

And that is absolutely everything I've done.

I also sweated a lot.

Horribly so.

Like something might be wrong with my pituitary gland or my endocrine levels or my duodenum.

It's like I'm leaking.

Thank god I've already gotten that "meeting my soulmate" thing out of the way, because, seriously, what human woman would want me now?

None.

It would be Swamp Women or nothing for me.

So, thanks again, Chris, for all your work on the video and, you know, me.

A review of They Might Be Giants' "Join Us"

Dicks, futuristic suicide, swamp monsters, skulls and the headless.

The new They Might Be Giants album, 'Join Us', has finally arrived.

As usual, years of writing and performing children's music has helped John Flansburgh and John Linnell return to the rock scene with a cast of dark and intriguing new characters. Produced by the band and their long time producer, Pat Dillett, 'Join Us' is lacking the freshness and perspective that the Dust Brothers lent to their last rock album, 'The Else', but, for some fans, this might be a welcome return.

But I don't really think so.

 

Can't Keep Johnny Down

Upbeat, energetic album opener, the first of many "unreliable narrators" on this album. Even though I spent, literally, hours, with this song, it still hasn't clicked with me. Catchy, but not great. A lot of people seem to like it though, so who am I to judge? 

 

You Probably Get That A Lot

Cephalophores. This song is about cephalophores. Or, more specifically, a girl who stands out among "millions of cephalophores". Why? Is her head attached to her body? What comment, exactly, is it that she probably gets a lot? This is one I'd love to ask Mr. Linnell about. One thing is for sure: it's pure They Might Be Giants, adding a new character to the ranks of TMBG's Cavalcade of Weirdoes : Look out Rabid Child, move over Mr. Horrible...here come the Headless Horseman's associate, the Bodiless Baboonsman.

Brilliant.

 

Old Pine Box

Am I missing something or is this track really as boring as it seems?

It sounds like an indifferent protest song, or, in the world of They Might Be Giants, a podcast b-side at best.

 

Canajoharie

One of my favorites. Say hello to another unreliable narrator; this one seems to have been a victim of some close encounter in the swamps of upstate New York...if you believe him that is. Sadly, "someone changed the truth" and "smoked the proof" about what really happened to him in the town of Canajoharie. But I think we can trust him...he's not insane, or so he keeps insisting.  This song has a strong Lovecraftian feel. And it's about damn time, if you ask me.

 

Cloisonné

At first listen (when the four track EP was released at the end of April), this track seemed intentionally random, like Flansburgh was trying a little too hard to reclaim that old They Might Be Giants feel. While I'm still not 100% convinced that that isn't the case, I've come to enjoy it and its voice, the persnickety vocals and fun horn break down at the end. Not a stand out track, but it grows on you. I will say I enjoy it less now that Flansburgh has explained, in no uncertain terms, what a Sleestak is.

 

Let Your Hair Hang Down

At first, this track didn't do much for me, it felt...dusty, uninteresting, but, once you get into it, the vague 60's feel and warm melody works. It's about letting go, living with the things you can't change. Perhaps I should take a cue from this one and stop being so critical of They Might Be Giants... It's a sweet song and the interplay of both Johns' vocals work very well.

 

Celebration

A staticy, robotic intro gets your attention at once and the meat of the song has a great sort of summery feel to it, letting the listener know that Banksey has informed Anonymous (via a Post-It Note) that the after party is now at your house...but...then the chorus comes in. God damn this chorus. The song goes from a solid TMBG joint to everything that was wrong with cheesy wedding bands from the 80's: tinny, disco ht-hat and a "hoot along" section that sound vaguely like the horns from "Extra Savoir-Faire". If Flans was trying to be ironic, he didn't go far enough. I can't think of any other song by They Might Be Giants that's this disparate. It would be impressive if the chorus weren't so astoundingly irritating.

 

In Fact

After a blazing, sassy horn intro, Flans gets a bit Tex-Mex with this one, using a jouncy, boot-scootin' bass and drum line and some south-of-the-boarder trumpets to express just how much of a mess he is, or, I should say, the character he's portraying: yet another unreliable narrator. Unfortunately, this track ends about thirty seconds too soon after an amazing beach party breakdown. A climax without a dénouement is a sad thing.

 

When Will You Die

Another favorite. A hyperactively cheerful beat, rife with shining horn riffs, paired with lyrics that center around John Linnell, not an unreliable narrator played  by John Linnell, but half of the core of They Might Be Giants John Linnell wondering out loud "when will you die". "This is Dan/And that's Dan/And there's Marty on the drums/To complete the band/And I'm John and he is also John /And all of us are wondering when you're gonna die." I can only hope this will become a staple on their "Join Us" tour and that Linnell will actually indicate each band member as they are mentioned. They Might Be Giants used to joke about their penchant for pairing upbeat music with dark lyrics (see "Don't Let's Start"), but I think this might take the taco. True, it lacks a certain subtlety, but it's too fun to bother me much. Bravo gentlemen, bravo.

 

Protagonist

This is an interesting concept, if not a terribly interesting song. There are two voices in this, one the tentative, plaintive voice of an actor not getting his time on screen (although he places the blame firmly on himself) and one of a brusque, no-nonsense stage manager, actually reading stage directions and the like as if from a script. The music feels perfect for a lemonade commercial, somewhat reminiscent of "My Blue Heaven". I enjoy the "meta-song" feeling of this one.

 

Judy Is Your Viet Nam

A short and sweet rocker courtesy of Flans. It's a bit by-the-numbers, not overly catchy or pioneering, but not bad. Flans can put together a great rock song when he tries, just take a listen to "Sleeping In The Flowers", "Cyclops Rock", "Twistin'" or "Take Out The Trash", but this just isn't one of them. I think the idea and title of the song is better than the song itself.

 

Never Knew Love

I feel like this track can be compared to "Pet Name" from Factory Showroom or, more aptly, "Another First Kiss" from Mink Car. It's a solid song, Marty Beller delivers some nice drums on it, but it doesn't do much to grab the listener. There's a reason that this song made me nervous as a quarter of the album's preview EP.

 

The Lady and The Tiger

This may be my favorite track on the album. The music is simple, dark and compelling, vaguely medieval; a series of notes played in a round on various instruments while John and John take on the characters of The Lady Or The Tiger? from Frank R. Stockton's grade school, English class staple that introduced to us the concept of an open ended story. The idea of these two famous yet completely unexplored literary characters having this dialogue is at once brilliantly hilarious and thought provoking. The addition of the Lady's ability to shoot lasers from her eyes is pretty rad too. I hope to see this live come the 29th.

 

Spoiler Alert

Like "Protagonist", the concept of this song is more interesting than the song itself; style over content. The uninspired beat slowly fades in and then, in the left channel, we have Flans playing an exhausted (maybe drunk) guy who's convinced "this truck could drive itself" and, in the right, Linnell, a man writing the last page of his book who admits that he "shouldn't be typing while (he's) driving". Eventually, we hear  Flans decide that the truck really can drive itself and that he should lie back and close his eyes while the last thing we hear before Stan Harrison's smooth Jazz flute solo fades the song out is Linnell saying "some kind of trouble up ahead...what the hell?" I understand that the music had to not stand out in order for the listener to get what was going on, and this is a fun one, but it could have gone further; maybe have the two channels start to come together or something along those lines. Whatever the case, an interesting idea that didn't seem to really pan out in execution. Could be fun live though...

 

Dog Walker

This one feels more Mono Puff than They Might Be Giants. Anyone who didn't get that reference probably isn't reading this, so, let's continue. The song starts with a cool, over-processed drum beat which is soon overlaid by a simple guitar riff which repeats throughout the song and gets old pretty quick, and in a two and a half minute song, that's saying something. Flans has some effect on his voice to make him sound small and whiny, a statement, I suppose, about his feelings towards dog walkers. The unreliable narrator this time around is, in fact, a dog walker, one whose "mind is a wrecking ball" and who will, one day, "wreck all y'all". I used to be a dog walker. I didn't really want to kill everybody, but, even if I did, this still wouldn't be that good of a song. Sorry, Flans.

 

2082

I'm not able to listen to this without thinking of two things. First, an old TMBG t-shirt listing their 2040 tour dates (with gigs in London, Sweden, Glasgow, Sweden, Hard Rock, Sea of Tranquility, Moon and the Bacteria Dome, Mars) and which had drawings of John and John (Flans in a wheelchair playing a guitar and Linnell clutching his accordion while attached to an IV drip). Second, that this is Linnell's answer to Flansburgh's "The World Before Later On" from their 2004 album, The Spine. It would also make a great episode of Futurama. This track is sillier (and darker) than "The World Before Later On", featuring a funky, faux-futuristic sound and lyrics involving smothering your future-self with a pillow. Linnell's overly serious delivery adds the perfect touch to make this a wonderful addition to TMBG's catalog...of songs about time travel and murder.

 

Three Might Be Duende

I'm going to be completely honest with you. I have no idea what is going on in this song. A bouncy, jaunty melody provides a fitting background for lyrics that...well...remember how I said "Cloisonné" was trying too hard? This one feels real, no question. Flansburgh creates for us a strange, wonderful and vaguely Grecian-sounding world in this song, introducing four more additions to the ranks of TMBG characters, namely the Monochrome Martinet, Necropolis Blownapart (played by David Driver of The Loser's Lounge and People Are Wrong fame), Apocryphal Espadrille (which, literally speaking, means the "legendary leather slipper") and Dystopio Smashedtobits. The three latter seem to have some connection and are those that "might be duende". This track is intriguing as hell.  If there were more to the music, this might rank as a return to form for They Might Be Giants. I'm looking forward to hearing the band's response to questions about this one.

 

You Don't Like Me

Much like "Let Your Hair Hang Down", this song didn't click with me at first. The harmonies didn't quite match up and I didn't really get what the Johns were going for. The listing of things that "you" like gets old, but remains puzzling. The song seems to be about a narrator, reliable for once, but only because "(he) can read your mind" and knows that "you" don't like him. I'm still not sure if this one will continue to grow on me or if this just isn't a fully fleshed out idea. The choice of vocals works for me though, expressing a touch of unease.

 

'Join Us', while not as immediately engaging as 2007's "The Else", does have a few gems on it. More often than not, the musical choices aren't that interesting, deferring to straight up guitar, drums and bass on the majority of the tracks. As far as I can tell, Linnell only plays accordion on two of the eighteen songs. But, that's the upside to having eighteen tracks (as opposed to the original line up of only fourteen): If you don't like seven tracks on a fourteen track album, that's half; if you don't like seven on an eighteen track album, there's still eleven that might work for you. When a band puts out an eighteen track album, I'm fine with the fact that only three songs break the three minute mark. It's just math.

 

While this isn't the best They Might Be Giants album ever, it's not the toilet explosion I feared it would be based on the aforementioned preview EP. I'll go further and say there is some really solid, classic tmbgness on here.

Thank goodness.

It'll be fun to see which become fixtures in their live show.

As far as what's next, I think the best thing that can happen for TMBG's music (and for their fans over the age of 10) is for the band to stay away from Disney. Yes, it might hurt their wallets, but the fact that each one of their adult albums since 2004 has been interspersed by corporate mandated kid's pap means that they don't really have the ability to focus on themselves as an adult rock band; that they keep getting distracted and have to reset themselves and their mindsets. I feel as if that's been a big issue since they started this whole dual fanbase career. It would be interesting to see what they could come up with if they didn't have to worry about cranking out Here Comes Geography in 18 months.

 

Already some of the songs I wasn't sure about are starting to grow on me and, while each track isn't its own musical world, they're all They Might Be Giants and that's what matters.

I could make some stupid joke involving the phrase "join us", but I'd rather leave that up to each and every other person interviewing the band and reviewing this album and simply tell you that, if you're a TMBG fan, you should check this album out.

Stick with it, because you might not love every track at first, but you'll start to dig them the more you listen.

The  go see them on tour and revel in their glory, because, whether or not you like 'Join Us', they always put on a great show.

Done. So Done.

7.12.11

5:40 pm

 

I...am so done.

So much so done that I can so taste it.

It tastes like three days of vacation, pizza and Saint's Row 2.

 

Just this afternoon, I finished editing and posted my "Can't Keep Johnny Down" video.

God and John Hodgman willing, this will be the last thing I film with my shitty, obsolete camera.

In the end, it was a pain in the ass, as all things that involve massive amounts of editing are, but it was a fun pain in the ass.

Like a clown hamster.

You can see this clown-hamster-up-my-ass video here.

 

Over the weekend, I hosted the 1st Annual DBO/NYC Fountain Tour with one Dawn Brooke Owens and her sister, Naomi.

We wandered around Central Park, covering at least 85% of it (and of the 85% covered, about 75% was intentional and not based on me getting us lost).

It was a fun, exhausting day and I'm probably not going to do it again until some other person wants a goddamn fountain tour.

Or statue tour.

Or gargoyle tour.

Actually...that last one sounds pretty cool.

Anyone want to do a gargoyle tour?

We could look at gargoyles.

 

And now, a rough outline of the next five days: sleep, sweat, play Resident Evil 5, play Saint's Row 2, finish season seven of 24, watch The Green Hornet (I support Seth Rogan), watch Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (don't you fucking judge me), do dinner and Bad Teacher with Chris, Lauren, Brian and Jeannie and see the play Chris has, literally, shed blood over.

And I might see Horrible Bosses as I am a fan of about three quarters of the cast.

Other than that?

Nothing.

Well, I might record/edit some more Grind Show.

Almost halfway.

God damn if only it were 18 degrees cooler...

Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe this weather?

No?

Well, maybe later.

 

Picked A Clash of Kings back up, despite my own screaming protestations.

I think I figured it out...I don't like it when nothing happens.

Superficially in situations where two people are talking and we see what one is thinking but then their thoughts, which would totally make things exciting and interesting if only they'd fucking say them, are followed by "but Ser Wigglebottom didn't say that".

It's like, well, obviously he didn't say that, that would have made these books more interesting and shaved off a hundred pages and ten months from this fucking thing and we wouldn't want that, would we, GRRM?

I also believe that the series could have been four books and done by now if Martin didn't love the sound of his own fingers on his keyboard and making up funny names and family trees that go back eight thousand fucking years.

This guy is so verbose, he has two middle names, of course his books are going to reflect that.

Anyway.

 

I have downloaded and listened to the new They Might Be Giants' album.

A review should be up around Monday as I'm not doing anything that even slightly resembles work during my time away from this Ass Box.

I'll put everyone's* fears to rest and say now that it isn't the horrible car crash I thought it would be.

It has a lot of great stuff on there, including a few instant classics.

Not as immediately enjoyable as The Else, but the Dust Brothers aren't on this one.

Speaking of TMBG, originally their free show on the Williamsburg waterfront on the 29th was them and Eugene Mirmen.

Then I found out that Jonathan Coulton was opening.

Then I found out that Kristen Schaal and Patton fucking Oswalt will be performing as well.

For free.

What...did I do to deserve this?

Is it the fountain tour I put together for Brooke?

It is all the hours I spent cleaning oil from angry, sad sea creatures in the Gulf of Mexico??

Is it all the infected Africans I killed in Resident Evil 5?

Let's go with that last one.

Yes.

 

Okay, I hear what you're saying, it is indeed time for pizza.

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Who?

Sclub.

7.8.11

4:27 pm

 

Finished Simon Pegg's autobiography, Nerd Do Well, last night.

Overall it had some good bits and a few great bits, but it rambled quite a bit and focused waaay too much on his early days as a boy.

I blame myself.

Just because I like the work of an actor/writer/whatever doesn't mean I'm going to be interesting in his or her life, or even that he or she has actually had an interesting life.

Not 100% sure, but I think this is the first autobiography I've ever purchased...no, wait, I picked up Marilyn Manson's when that was out.

Actually, I remember buying Manson's book with a Barnes & Noble gift certificate I received for placing in a Shakespeare Competition at which I represented Lake Highland.

I did a sonnet (the "anti-sonnet") and the "Floating Dagger" speech from...that one Shakespeare play..."Omelet"?

Get this: after the competition, I mentioned to LHP's drama person, Ginger Bryant, the person who had suggested I enter, that a lot of the other competitors seemed to have picked the same Floating Dagger speech, to which she replied, "Yeah, it's one of the most overdone Shakespeare pieces."

I then went on to ask why she let me choose, rehearse and perform it for the past month or so if that was the case.

She shrugged and said something about not wanting to interfere with my performance.

Ah, Florida.

Top notch schooling xmax.

Did you know that I almost went to Bishop Moore...the same high school as Britney Spears?

Or so I heard.

Anyway, thanks Ging, way to let me suck for my school.

Whatever the case, I always enjoyed the fact that Lake Highland ostensibly bought me Marilyn Manson's autobiography, even if it was badly written and full of ridiculous bullshit.

Take that, Bible Belt!

Although, I'm the one who read it, so it's really, take that, me.

Sad.

 

There was an interesting bit about "quantum attraction" in Pegg's book that was quite captivating.

It seems as though "quantum attraction" is the thinking man's substitute for "fate".

Whatever works.

I call it "the Whim of the Great Magnet" (and what a fool I was to resist it) in honor of Hunter S. Thompson.

There was also a revelation that hit me like a fucking truck and made me feel like an idiot.

Pegg brought up how weekends, when he was 8, seemed to last forever.

Then he said exactly why.

I don't have it in front of me, but it was along the lines of, when you're little, you've only lived a fraction of your life, so a two day period feels so much longer since you've only experienced a handful; as opposed to the angry thirty year old who, ;literally, screams in frustration when it's Sunday at 11:50 and he feels as if the entire weekend was pissed away.

It's simple and I feel like a priest that just had evolution click for him.

Sheepish.

I attempted to pick A Clash of Kings back up last night but the book is, physically, fighting me.

For reals.

But the new Dresden book comes out Tuesday so, fuck Martin, let him give his slavishly devoted fans the raw deal.

Jim Butcher will save us.

 

Finished two more chapters of The Grind Show, although I'm furious at my awful Irish accent.

I pray no Irish ever get their hands on this.

Don't get me wrong, at times, words will sound Irish.

Then they'll sounds British, then Scottish, then like some crazy accent I made up myself with elements of all three.

Plus Dutch.

And Canadian.

And mentally handicapped.

Phil, I know you're in the midst of writing the second book so fucking listen up: NO MORE IRISH.

Here are the accents I can do convincingly*:

English (sort of, might actually piss of some Brits, or at least confuse them)

Scottish (much more so than Irish; if you'll recall our first VO session after which I asked, ever so politely, if it really mattered for the story that Jeremy was Irish and could you, please, make him Scottish? Thanks.)

French

Russian

German

The "New Yawk" accent

Various Southern accents

Morgan Freeman

 

There's others, but I can't just whip them out like some overeager porn star at the Adult Movie Awards.

I can do a fair pirate if you want...are there any pirates in your new book?

Why not?

You dick.

 

Things are 80% in order to tomorrow.

Hopefully this will be the last day of the Can't Keep Johnny Down shoot.

95% of the stuff left to shoot is going to be in Chris' room in the morning, then a quick trip to a nearby graveyard and then, tomorrow evening, the final shot.

Then, I finish importing and editing and Robert is your Aunt's husband.

Still feeling hopeful, but I have no real reason to.

At one moment, I think my video is too obtuse, at the next, to obvious.

One thing is for certain, no one is going to confuse this with a real TMBG video.

But this isn't, according to them, going to be their official video.

They will be shooting a "pro" video.

Which is fine with me.

I feel worse for Chris.

There's so much stuff my vision doesn't allow me to accomplish, simple things, that I need her for and she's still wrestling with this fucking Galileo bullshit.

After next week, she is taking a well earned break.

 

Speaking of next week, I had three vacation days left that I needed to use before the 17th of July, so I took them next Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

My plans are as follows: finish editing and submitting my Can't Keep Johnny Down video, finishing editing chapters 8 through 17 of The Grind Show and send them off to Phil, see that play Chris has been working on, see Bad Teacher with Jeannie and Chris...and maybe Lauren...I should call her.

Other than that, ,maybe play a few more levels of Resident Evil 5 and then crack open either Saint's Row 2 or Infamous 2.

Just called Lauren.

She's in.

Rock on.

Then, the new TMBG comes out, then, free TMBG show in Brooklyn, then Eels show in Brooklyn with Chris and sis.

Such business.

That's busy-ness, not business, like a business suit.

Oh, speaking of which, I had only listened to a little Har Mar Superstar over the years, and I kind of felt a connection between him and Midnite Vulture's Beck.

After listening to all but one track of Har Mar's "You Can Feel Me", I take that back.

He sounds like someone trying to be Beck but failing more often than not.

He has a few gem here and there, but it's mostly just tasteless and badly done music.

The latter more a problem for me than the former, obviously.

 

Anyway, before all the nutty shit next week happens, this Sunday, I am hosting one Dawn Brooke Owens and her lovely sister, Naomi, on a fountain tour of the city.

Do you think sounds out of character for me at all?

Well then you don't know me from Adam.

Nagorski.

He's not as tall as me and went to Harvard I believe...or Amherst, I can't remember.

 

Anyone else think it's weird that the closest police precinct to me here is the 23rd?

No?

Okay.

 

LET'S ROCK~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Convincingly to a person who has never been to the place where this accent occurs naturally and who has never heard anyone from one of these places talk.

On Message

7.6.11

3:25 pm

 

Folks, I am officially On Message.

 

Last week, I read an interview with Linnell in which he mentioned their new song, Can't Keep Johnny Down (the one I'm shooting a video for) and that "(t)he guy in the song is a complete and utter assh---* and the song is in the perspective of [him]."

 

Badly worded, but you get the point.

Then, today, I read an interview with Flansburgh in which he said of Can't Keep Johnny Down:

 

"The lyric is about a guy who seems like he’s got some mixed emotions about the world. He’s sort of reading everything in a hostile way."

 

Since before I'd read either of these, this was the aim of my video and the guys that wrote it are just solidifying my concept.

Which makes me feel even better about this project.

At this point, I've edited everything I have to edit and it looks good except for the fact that it was shot of a piece of shit DV camera from 1999.

Perhaps, if  win this, I will buy my ass a new camera...one with mad skillz like recording what it is pointed at and not looking shitty.

Things are still on track for this weekend and all I can do now is wait.

Might go back to Grind Show this evening, although I only had about five hours of sleep before a failed audition this morning and I don't want Jason sounding tired.

Can't be tired when you're hunting demons.

At least not in Chapter 16.

What I wouldn't give for an air conditioned, soundproof studio.

This book would be done in six weeks as opposed to six months.

Fucking...uh...world?

Ambient noise?

Cars?

Phil has stated he'd like me to read his earlier novel, Dark Fae nee The Shadow Of Your Throne once it's all good and edited and the only thing I can think of is how fucking obnoxious it's been recording in my completely unsoundproofed room.

One solution is to rent a studio, but that defeats the purpose of having a studio in my home and it costs money.

Fucking...sound waves...

Man, I'm just spraying anger today.

Well, I need more sleep is all.

Don't blame me.

I tried to get sleep last night, but Pella Windows just had to have me throw my buttered-leather voice into their hat.

DON'T BLAME ME.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* I think he meant to say "asshole". But I wasn't there.

THE THRILL OF CREATION

7.5.11

4:50 pm

 

NOTHING beats the rush of creating something.

Something new, original, yours.

Having an idea and watching it grow into something you can share with and show others.

This weekend, I began shooting my video for They Might Be Giants' new single, Can't Keep Johnny Down.

Saturday was spent in LIC with Ray, Steve, Paul and Lauren, as well as Lauren's Scotsman, Brian, who provided the International flavor and credibility.

Everything went great, including one or two moments in which the camera picked up exactly what I saw in my mind, probably the most incredible feeling a filmmaker can have.

After the CKJD shoot, Lauren and Brian returned to my place to help lay down some guitar and mouth accordion on my song I wrote and recorded for Lisa's 30th Birthday.

It's called "Feal Not The Zombie" and I dare anyone to get her a better present.

Then the bar hopping in Brooklyn took place which was just as fun as it sounds.

God damn it I hate bars.

Yes, there was a Tardis in this bar, but still, it was a bar and fuck bars.

 

The next day was spent doing fuck all but beating Resident Evil 5 (nuts), eating Jersey tomatoes with Jersey mozzarella and Jersey corn as well as hot dogs and baked beans and finishing with some homemade peach pie, also from Jersey.

All this while watching Yes Man, which might have the laziest score work I've ever seen.

Basically, the guy that put the score together was a huge Eels fan and simply used ten or fifteen of their songs, just without the lyrics except for one exception.

It worked perfectly because Eels is a great band, but it was lazy as heck.

Which is fucked.

The movie itself was pretty solid once you got past the fact that it was a pretty bad movie.

Does that make sense?

In other words, once you embrace the fact that this is a by-the-numbers-Jim-Carrey vehicle, you can actually enjoy it.

Bottom line: Jim Carrey is still great and his comic timing remains excellent.

Rhys Darby from Flight of the Conchords did a great job being Rhys Darby from Flight of the Conchords.

And Zoë (I refuse to call her "Zooey" just because she wants to be different) Dachshund was as Hollywood Hipster as they could muster.

Lead singer in a quirky band (Munchausen By Proxy)?

Check.

Rides a scooter?

Check.

Teaching a jogging photography class?

Check.

Has no clear means of monetary support and is yet able to do anything her free-spirited heart desires?

Check.

Let's do this.

*flush*

 

Anyway.

Monday was the second, and hopefully the most strenuous, day of shooting.

I met Chris at Columbus Circle where we shot for a while, then Times Square, then Herald Square and then, finally, the top of the Empire State Building, which was actually pretty breathtaking except for every other person there.

In the course of these four or so hours of shooting, Chris and I must have seen a hundred thousand people.

No joke.

As a result, I have no interest in ever going to any of these places again...except for the fist annual DBO/NYC Fountain Tour 2011, taking place this weekend.

After the Empire State Building, Chris and I returned home, drank water, ate some chips and salsa and headed out for the second to last shot of the day at the LIC Piers, across the East River from Manhattan, then back to our apartment for the final shot: me on the roof, alternately playing, and not playing, a toy accordion.

After a delicious summer meal of black beans and fish tacos with all the trimmings, I began to import and then to edit.

And kept editing until 4:30 in the morning.

I must say, one way to determine whether or not you like a song is to listen to the same five second loop for forty five minutes before moving on to a different five second loop for another forty five minutes and so on.

If you have any inclination to hear that song again, you've got a good one.

I'm pleased to announce that I do not hate Can't Keep Johnny Down yet.

I have until the 15th to get this done and we'll see how things are then.

But, I still love It's Kickin' In, so I don't think it will really be a problem.

Very happy with the progress thus far.

About a third of the video has yet to be filmed, but nothing left is too difficult or too time consuming.

With any luck, Will will be able to get me a specific prop at the launch of the Last Space Shuttle Ever this weekend in Florida.

While it doesn't make or break the video, it would certainly add an air of authenticity to it and I'm allllll about the Authenticity.

The recording of The Grind Show has been put on hold until after the 15th as there is a deadline and the chance of winning a thousand dollars and a pizza* and Phil has only promised me butterfly kisses.

Not that there's anything wrong with Phil's butterfly kisses, they're delightful, but...pizza, you know?

If I finish the editing before the deadline, I will get back into it as I'm still stoked about TGS, even more so since our Mr. Tucker is in the process of writing the second book in the series as I type this.

Or at least as you read this.

Unless you are Phil reading this, in which case, get the fuck back to work.

 

Now, remember how I mentioned that amazing rush of creating things at the top of this mountain of blabber?

The worst thing ever is being somewhere where you are unable to work on the aforementioned project.

I.e.: here.

So, I'm just going to while away my time reading more of Simon Pegg's book and pray that it continues being funny so the seconds speed up a bit.

 

And finally, samples of each of the tracks on the new TMBG album, Join Us, have been put up on Amazon (:30 each) and iTunes (1:30 each!!!) and, after taking a tiny taste (all the Amazon, three of the iTunes), my fears have been allayed.

Way to go, guys, I knew you had it in you.

 

Okay.

Off like pants.