Art Poop

7.19.11

3:38 pm

 

By the way, the definition in the Paulitosphere of "art poop" is as follows:

 

(n.) Stuff that comes out of one's brainus

 

And, if you need to ask what a brainus is...then you don't have one.

 

My "vacation" was bliss except for the awful, hateful heat, in which I become a misery.

I believe, at times, that I am part rock troll.

As promised, I finished the seventh season of 24 (totally thought Jack was going to die except for the fact that the eighth season exists and that Jack is in it, not dead), wrapped up my time with Resident Evil 5 (a very enjoyable experience, SO many Infected Africans dead by my hand...you're welcome), stepped into the GTA-like pool of Saint's Row 2 (badly designed at times, but overall so far so good), drank bubble tea at least once a day, had dinner with Chris a record-breaking four days in a row, saw Bad Teacher which wasn't awful but suffered from Apatow Placebo Syndrome and saw the remake of Alice In Wonderland.

I have to say, regarding that movie, I don't get why people hated it so much.

For what they did wrong, they did a whole lot right, even if they didn't spell it all out for you.

 

AND, along with all this delicious nothing, I finished editing and submitted my entry to They Might Be Giants' "Can't Keep Johnny Down" video contest, in which, I found out late last night, I was named as one of the six runners up.

As a prize, the judge, writer and Personal Computer John Hodgman is going to buy me a pizza.

His issues with my video were all technical (lighting, editing, overall muddiness) and have pushed me over the edge.

I have recruited Ray to help me find a camera that: A. is not a shitty cow dick, B. is not over 11 years old and C. is not a shitty cow dick.

My focus is on A and C, although B is also of great import.

I've heard Tiger Electronics is a place to start looking...

Will has strongly suggested that I start a Kickstarter using the promise of custom-made videos, George Washington Diarrhea songs and other weird shit no one would ever pay for to raise money for said new camera.

Totally unrelated, did you know that Sir Richard Branson just bought Kickstarter?

Me neither.

But I digress.

After seeing the other runners up and the winner, I must say I don't think the winner should have won.

I am NOT saying that mine should have, it really does look like shit compared to HD videos of actual shit, but there were two other runners up that top the winners, hands down.

I'm going to stop saying "runners up" now because it sounds weird and wrap this up by saying I am super super happy to have ranked among the top six of over a hundred entrants.

This video wouldn't have happened without the help of Ray, Steve, Paul (not me or the Simon Pegg movie, but another person actually named Paul), Lauren and her Scotsman, Brian.

And it would totally never EVER have happened without Christina, who gave up her July 4th to embark upon on of the most obnoxious filming days ever.

 

Speaking of segues...I woke unrealistically early today to obtain a super special wristband which grants me entrance into tomorrow evening's free TMBG in store appearance at the SoHo Apple Store.

Maybe I'll get an iPad while I'm there.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Get it?

You will.

It's a way-homer.

After my adventure to the SewHoe, I went to an audition for Papa Gino's Pizza which was very fun and then I picked up the CD version of the new They Might Be Giants album, thus releasing me from any and all guilty feeling regarding my illegal download of the album last week.

Or any album.

Ever.

For reals.

The album is good.

It's not great, but it's good.

I'm far too close to be objective so I'm interested to hear what Will or Bill have to say, guys who are more...less psychotic...about the band than I.

Although I do blame Will for this initial psychosis ("we have Hank" I believe the text of the poster was to read...) and Bill for putting me in actual, physical contact with my objects of obsession, however, in the long run, that encounter seems to have made me less psychotic about them as people, if not about their music and the rate at which they produce it.

As long as they keep their distance from kid's music for a while (say eighty or ninety years), I think we'll alllll be fine.

 

Switching gears, there was a writ passed down from the Rich White Guys running my Hospital that if anyone trips, slips or falls while in the facility, they are NOT TO BE HELPED BY ANYONE THAT ISN'T NURSING STAFF.

Great, so not only are you humiliated by your (most likely very public) fall to the ground (maybe into a puddle of something if you're lucky!!!!), you must remain there in pain and embarrassment until someone with less intelligence that a rotting fish stick (BUT ONE WITH A SHINY PIECE OF PAPER) can find a moment to trundle over to you, tut tutting about how clumsy you "is".

In related news, there was a memo sent out to all employees from the Employee Health Service Office...turns out that there have been a lot of incident reports of employees slipping and falling because they were wearing inappropriate footwear (plastic sandals, shoes with plastic soles, etc.).

The irony...it tastes like funny...

 

Watched the Dark Knight Rises teaser earlier today.

A full year before the film's scheduled release date.

*sigh*

This is going to be a long year.

 

And that is absolutely everything I've done.

I also sweated a lot.

Horribly so.

Like something might be wrong with my pituitary gland or my endocrine levels or my duodenum.

It's like I'm leaking.

Thank god I've already gotten that "meeting my soulmate" thing out of the way, because, seriously, what human woman would want me now?

None.

It would be Swamp Women or nothing for me.

So, thanks again, Chris, for all your work on the video and, you know, me.