Tantalization...

I have something amazing coming later today, when everyone can see it...

In that case...

Just got off the phone with Will.
We talked briefly about my going through and categorizing these older journal entries. I told him that it's more for me, so I can find things more easily and that I don't actually expect people to go back and read anything I wrote almost ten years ago. Will then said he thinks that I should, I should expect people to go back and read my nearly a decade old journal entries.
So now I do.
Hey, everybody, go and read my old journal entries.
Do it.
Use the handy dandy labels or just type in some word you think I would have used into that there search bar.
And then read my ten year old journal entries.

By the way, Will?
This includes you too.

The Name Is Mendes...Sam...Mendes...

1.19.10

5:12 pm

How crotch-soppingly original is that?

Not.

Not crotch-soppingly original at all, as a matter of fact.

But, I just found out that Sam "Road to American I Have Sexual Intercourse With Kate Winslet" Mendes might be directing the next Bond movie.

AND that he is working on the Preacher movie.

I'm wet for the both of them but more trepidacious for Preacher.

I love that series and to see it turned into a long, drawn out, Oscar handjob like Road to Perdition would be wasteful, incorrect and disturbing...like getting a long, drawn out handjob from Billy Crystal.

If they do it right though...man, to see Garth Ennis' masterwork on the silver screen...now THAT'S crotch-soppingly good.

I'd honestly have though that Preacher was sort of unadaptable, at least without an NC-17 rating.

I guess we'll see.

Maybe next we'll see David Lynch's Transmetropolitain.

*JUICY PANTS!!!*

Quick note

First, so the news is calling that guy who tried to blow up the plane on Christmas the Underwear Bomber.
Here's TWO problems with that:
1. You've given every mediocre comic in the world at lease ten minutes of material each.
2. If I were a terrorist and found out that America had named me that, I'd be really pissed and try harder next time, just to wipe that smug smirk off the faces of all those mediocre comics.

Also, I've been watching a lot of the American Office and, unlike most people who watch it, I do NOT want my workplace to be more like it; I just want there to be less retarded people.
Or at least for the retarded people to be quieter.

A Quantum of Sexxy

You know that feeling you get when everything is perfect, like a Universal Click that just makes all those things that need to be, be?
Well, I got that.
And it's cool.

MASK-O!!!!!

You know what's funny?
Slipknot.
I just saw their video for their song 'Psychosocial'.
Welcome to today's musical climate folks.
Enjoy.

Maps to the Stars' Homes

Have I ever told you about my sets of twin freckles?

Well, I have at least five sets on just my arms.

I remain baffled.

Hmmm...

I've been watching the third season of the (American) Office and Ed Helms looks a lot like John Flansburgh.

amar-me é temer me e o versa vice

So, my friend Genevieve (who works at the Jeffery Group) did something beautiful...
Go to www.thejeffreygroup.com/worldview then click either Portuguese or Spanish.
See anyone sexy?
And just to clarify, no, I have not actually BEEN to Latin America, but yes, my image has been found there, carved into stones more than 50 million years old.

You say you've got some very excellent news...

Bill sent me the XM Comedy Ladies' Night stuff I did and I am one talented motherfucker.
If only ANYONE I KNEW had XM.
Well, fuck it.
If you want to hear it, fucking ask me and I'll send it to you.
Also, Bill informs me that the TMBG XM studio thing (15-20 person audience for a short set) will take place on the 8th, so I'm gonna knock out of work that day and just soak in TMBG.
Good way to make up for missing the first show because of bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse (read diarrhea).
Shot 'Ache, Spin, Die, Repeat' last weekend and recorded the music earlier today. 
It should be in editing in a few.
Feeling rompy.
Also, by this time next week, Philiston J. Tuckerton will be an official resident of New York State.
Ladies, don't even bother with the birth control pills, just have all your eggs removed because this man is POTENT.
Welcome to Fucktown.
Population: you.

Table of Continents

4.6.07
8:40 pm

On my way back to work today, a man tried to get my attention and then tapped my shoulder as I passed. I turned and took off my headphones, eyebrows raised in polite inquiry.
He said, "I'm sorry to stop you, but I wanted to let you know that Jesus Christ loves you."
I had only a split second to take him in.
He was wide-eyed and seemed a touch on the zealous side so I decided it would be better not to ask him to prove it or anything along the lines of a sarcastic remark.
Instead, I said, "Great", then continued walking.

Anyway, me and Christ and going to check out this 'Grindhouse' madness this weekend and maybe harbor some bi-polar nutball's dogs.
The Fun has just Begun.
Rocket.

Dis case...is pur...beeship.

Special thanks to everyone who came to see the show.
It went great every night and hit orgasmic heights of excellence on Saturday.
I was the Meaning of Life for a while there...and it felt good.
Thanks again to everyone who came out.

nine inch nails: year zero
coming april 2007.
it could be about the end of the world.

...and boy it's rough...

1.2.07
5:18 PM
Biiiig year this is set to be.
Chris and I moving to a two bedroom place, taking that next step in our seven year relationship, new Nine Inch Nails album, two new They Might Be Giants albums…
Hmmm…
Actually, that’s it.
Never mind.

Thumpy Lumpkins has lost his fucking mind.

11.22.06
6:59 PM
On the eighth hour of my twelve hour shift.
I dig overtime.
Started reading the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel (“Haunted”) today. So far, excellent. I am loving the format.
Reading his stuff after so long really made me realize how much I like his writing.
Aside from clothing, a small assortment of CD’s and the usual travel accoutrements, here is what I am packing for my trip home:
The other 14 Bond movies
Volume 4 of Family Guy
I am a simple man with simply needs.
I’ll be swinging by Miami on Sunday night to see Phil before my eye gouging appointment on Monday morning, but other than that, I’ll be racing Bearsy Boo back and forth around the back yard until I puke.
Also, I will be eating pie.

PMDG to see TMBG

Yo. I just found out that They Might Be Giants are playing at Southpaw in Brooklyn on Saturday, December 16th at 4pm (kid show) and 8pm (adult show). Since I haven't seen them in so long, I'm going to both. The shows are $25 each and tickets and info are here. I'm going to have a great time no matter what, but if anyone wants to see me have a great time, you should come.
Rock on.

And in the end...

9.27.06
10:47 PM
You know how there’s that long standing joke about never being able to dry your hands thoroughly on those air blowing things in public bathrooms? Well, all those people just don’t throw themselves at the problem head on; they don’t give themselves over to the task fully. If you have a minute, maybe a minute and a half, you can get your hands bone fucking dry. If I, one of the MOST impatient people I have ever known, can take a moment (literally) to do this, all you can too.
Soon it will be cold again and I will say goodbye to sweat for another 7 months.
Also, my new laundry bag is working out great. I feel like the headmaster of a well-to-do private school in New Hampshire.

Like a handjob for a cancer patient...

Not really, but I've had that one in there all day.
Had a bad day folks. Spent most of my time at work with the phone off and the switchboard on mute.
Cut myself a bit. The Nextel thing was released so I figured I'd release some blood as a fair trade. Haven't done THAT since, like 7th grade. I will say there was a sense of relief though. Wonder why that is? I should ask a psychologist.
I am about to eat Chinese food (steamed dumplings and chicken fried rice) and watch some mindless movie.
I will then go to bed.

There is a surprising amount of taxis available at 2:30 on a Sunday morning here in New York.
I like that.

8.10.06
3:32 PM
So I’m bored and reading the Post, sorry the Daily News and there is a headline “Perv loner had long rap sheet”. Can you guess why my eye was drawn to the piece? The only thing better than the headline was the first sentence “The fiend arrested for allegedly terrorizing young girls in a Queens neighborhood is a creepy ex-con plumber who lived alone in a basement.” The rest of the article is rather dark but the headline and opener are brilliant. That is all.