1.5.06
7:34 PM

Oh Lordy Lordy! Phat Burger has destroyed me. I thought, “I’m hungry, but not TOO hungry. I won’t get a burger.” I had been hankering for a nice bowl of chili allll day so I figure, “A nice bowl of chili and some cheese fries will quell this belly beast.” So I order at 6:55 and arrive back at work mere minutes before it shows up. At first, I am worried because there appears to be very little cheese on this bright orange waffle fries…wait…bright orange? I didn’t order sweet potato fries! What is this bullshit? I open the container to see my healthy potato friends have been drowned in a veritable OCEAN of melted sharp cheddar. I orgasm twice in quick succession, not being able to tell where one ends and the next begins. Then I open the chili container. BAM! Three more orgasms. My pants are a mess now, but I hardly notice the sliding warmth in my boxers. I dig in, dipping the cheese fries in my chili and smacking my lips audibly, stopping every few seconds to sip from my (glass) bottle of root beer. After about ten minutes or so, the fries are gone and my vision is getting hazy. There is a mote dancing behind my eyes and it is getting bigger and bigger, blocking my vision. Through its stringy, spinning mass I can see the empty fry container…and the three quarters full chili cup! “Good God…” I mutter, “Good God!” I scream. This makes no sense. I have eaten my fill but I still see delicious food in front of me! What has happened to me?! Am I bewitched? Am I shrinking? Has my sickness flipped some switch inside of me?
I was still grappling with this realization when I started typing. At this moment, I am still full and when I look at the chili cup still containing MORE THAN HALF of its original contents, I do not curse under my breath, I do not weep a silent, cheese-flavored tear…I merely smile and whisper the word…“oog”.

In other news I watched Boiler Room today. Not as bad as people made it out to be. Giovanni Rabisi was iight. Ben Affleck was tolerable. Vin Disel was great. I dug the soundtrack and how all the stockbrokers were whiggers xmax. Very funny stuff. The ending was pretty good too.

You know I think someone might have drugged this chili. I feel like I’m wrapped in a big, warm blanket. There is a buzzing in the back of my head. It agrees with and supports all my thoughts and ideas. It is my friend. I like it. Good. It’s as if I am underwater.

I am planning on seeing Sufjan Stevens in concert on Saturday the fourteenth. He is playing in the Allen Room at the Jazz at Lincoln Center space where Megan works. I might get to hang out with him. This isn’t like a Nine Inch Nails or They Might Be Giants thing; I am a fan of what this guy does but I don’t know him or his music (he has five albums (or eight if you count the three Xmas EP’s), I’ve heard one in totem) well enough to be obsessed. His music is deep and layered, beautiful and sad. And he has a song about zombies. Will put a track from his latest album on his Bite the Music submission and Christina Girlfriend fell fast in love with that track. The album (“Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”) is very thick. It is the second in a series of “state albums”. He has already released “Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State!” and plans to write and release an album per state. Take that, John Linnell, you lazy robot! At this point, I am hungry for new music. Last year sort of spoiled me. Two new They Might Be Giants’ releases (both of which turned out to be rather lean indeed), a new Cake album (excellent), a new Beck album (nothing genre defining, but excellent nonetheless), a new eels album (monumental) that resulted in an amazing live show (which is coming to CD and DVD February 21st) and a new Nine Inch Nails album which has yet to leave my stereo (see, I bought the regular CD and the Dualdisc versions…). On top of that, Depeche Mode’s new release was a pleasant surprise as well. I saw a few concerts: Beck (very energetic), They Might Be Giants (fun as always, but nothing earthshaking), eels (amazing) and Nine Inch Nails (the definition of “100% perfection”). As far as 2006 looks, there is the eels live CD/DVD of the concert I saw (literally the concert I saw. They videotaped and recorded the Town Hall show that Phil and I were at), Cake with some others at the Unlimited Sunshine Tour (not going), talk of some new half-assed TMBG release and NIN is coming around for another leg of its tour. As far as that goes, I’m pensive because the last one was really perfect, I’m not exaggerating. Musically speaking, none of the aforementioned bands are planning any new material (except some tiny thing from TMBG which, based on their past two efforts, will not wow me). Trent Reznor has said he wants to have a new album out before 2007 but it has been NO LESS than FIVE YEARS between proper album releases for NIN, so I’m skeptical. You know, I’m just going to make a list of things to which I am looking forward…goddamn dangling participle.

Bullet Time…

• “eels With Strings” live CD/DVD (look for Phil and I standing for the last two songs)
• Something new by Beck (considering he has a lot of new stuff lying around)
• Not one, but TWO new Stephen King novels (Cell on 1.24.05 and Lesley’s Story on 10.24.06). Retired my ball sac.
• The Complete Tori Amos video collection (finally)
• Nine Inch Nails concert (hope it surpasses or at least lives up to the one before. This will be more like the first two of the With Teeth tour, but he has discussed doing a solo piano tour. That would be…indescribable.)
• Whatever stopgap release They Might Be Giants are planning (Something along the lines of the kids picture book Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed with a four song CD but “more Edwardian”. Any idea what that means?)
• Silent Hill the movie (although based on interviews and stuff, I feel like I am going to be disappointed and that totally blows. At least Uwe Boll isn’t involved…)
• The PS3 (drool)
• Acting in Ray’s film and John’s play. I like acting.
• The release of The Simpsons Season Eight, my favorite season, containing such excellent episodes as “The Springfield Files” guest starring David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as Mulder and Scully, “Homer’s Nemesis” guest starring John Waters as John the gay guy, “You Only Move Twice” guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio and, my all time favorite episode of The Simpsons, “The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer” (although the original title is in Portuguese). This episode guest stars Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote, is chock full of excellent lines and has one of the best endings in Simpson history. In fact, almost all the episodes in the eighth season have excellent endings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, seasons six through ten are pure gold.

Now, these are all things to which I am looking forward, most of them (you will be surprised to notice) are material possessions. These are not goals, they re products. What goals do I have? Nothing but getting into SAG and then, instead of making stupid good money on my acting shit, I’ll make Ariel Sharon post-stroke money on my acting shit. Yeah, paralytic mumblin’ dollaz y’all.