HULK SMASH DOUGHNUT!!!

1.4.06
3:07 PM
There was a box of doughnuts that had been sitting on top of the microwave for the past few days. Over the past few days the microwave had been used several times. In fact, at about 2:50, I put a cup of water in there to make tea, but by the time it was finished, I realized that there would not be enough time for me to let the bag steep, add sugar and milk and drink the tea before I had to leave. I was about to walk out the door, tealess and cranky, when I remembered that there was one doughnut left, a chocolate covered doughnut. My spirits lifted and I opened the box. The doughnut was warm and gooey. It took a second before I remembered that when the microwave is used, it produces heat and objects on top of the microwave will sometimes be affected by said heat. I ate the doughnut anyway since I had eaten nothing yet and because my fingers were covered with chocolate. As I finished this gooey snack treat, I reflected on the amount of radiation this and the other doughnuts had been exposed to over the past few days. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot.

I will keep an eye on my stool to see if that is affected and I will keep you all informed if I grow any taller.

8:44 PM
I think the reason I believe it’s been a mild winter is that I don’t go outside that often.

9:50 PM
Herm. Ahemy herm herm.
So…when you look at me…do you think: modern adaptation of the Norse Thunder God, Thor? I hope the three of you reading this said yes because that who I shall be portraying at the Red Room on March 6th, 7th and 8th. In a play most likely titles “Fables of the Thunder God” I shall play a modern version of Thor named Tor (short for Torrance). The script is good and will include numerous anal sex jokes as per my contractual stipulations.
In my career I have played God (Testament) and Satan (Shark Week). And now I take on the mantle of Thor. Maybe next I’ll play that multi-armed elephant god: Multi-Armed Elephant God. Perhaps Jesus? I could do that. Jesus in the house.
Goodness has the sickness hit me! It nests in my head and throat and sinuses. It floats in the back of my mind, making me have to ask people to repeat things. It grinds mortar in my throat, making my voice sound like Kaitlyn after a few gin and tonics. It writhes in my sinuses, rushing forward to blind m with pressure. Fucking body. Unable to defend itself against this onslaught. I am being raped again and again…by my self and its battered immune system.
I installed my new stereo system. It was about time. My old stereo used to have three working CD slots (all of them capable of playing CD-R’s and CD’s), a decent AM/FM radio and a dual cassette player. After about five years, the disc trays stuck, CD-r’s would no longer play (that’s a weird one), both tape decks were fucked and when you turned it on it made loud clicking sounds.
I got the fucking hook up for Xmas. Some sweet Bose thing called the Wave. I just picked up a tape deck from J&R so now I am set. Same deal as the last one but four disc slots and the ability t play mp3 CD’s. Tasty stuff.
I also scored the hundred and fifty pound Complete Calvin & Hobbes. I had that mailed up and should be receiving it tomorrow. Aside from that I completed my Christopher Guest collection, got season seven of the Simpsons and Will topped me off with Beck’s “Guerolito”, the remix album. Some really great shit on there including a remix of “Missing” by Air. Those guys were meant to work together. I like the remix better than the original.
Graagh! My voice is rendered useless by attacking parasites.
Somehow this sickness is related to acid reflux. Goddamn fucking acid reflux.
I received a letter from my union today. Anyone who wants to be my spouse or dependant can get TOTAL COVERAGE (delivered as LeCerta, the photographer from Fear & Loathing). They sent me a list of drugs I can get for nothing. Man. There was some crazy shit on there. They had a category entitled “hypnotics”. Awesome. I should try those.
In Responsible Hospital news, another resident escaped today. Got out around 1:30 and as of 10:55 he is still missing. Careful, he has AIDS, so no one in Manhattan have sex with any black men until we get him back. He’s black, by the way, I’m not just saying that. Well, I am, but the escaped resident is also black so it doesn’t come from TOTAL nowhere.
Again, never let anyone you love be sent here. They will be punished for their sins and the sins of others. My shift nears its end. Tomorrow, I will either start Mrs. Norris & Jonathan Strange or You Shall Know Our Velocity. The ending of AHWOSG was alright. I feel like he ran out of things to say. YSKOV is fiction and it will be interesting to see with what his imagination can come up. I believe that sentence is grammatically correct but, lord, is it ugly. Other than those two books, I’ve been pressured to read the sixth Harry Potter book, but I fear the resulting stupidity. I do have a book of Dahl’s short stories I still have to dance through also…and tomorrow I’ll have C&H although that isn’t really heavy material (speaking for the content, of course). Perhaps after I read Harry Potter 6 I’ll jump onto C&H. Makes sense. There is a small patch of broken glass in my sinuses and throat. They spin when I try to sleep.