And that's how I lost the job...

4.6.06
3:21 PM

VH1 is not ready for me. So. I had an (on screen) audition today from some VH1 thing. I was told that I was reacting to a KISS reunion tour. There was this dude with me and we were supposed to be friends. Anyway. It was allll improv. React to this, pretend you’re here etc. So the guy starts playing “Rock and Roll All Night (and Party Ev-Er-Ry Day)” and tells us to go nuts. Now, a question: aside from his music, what are the first two things that come to your mind when you hear “Gene Simmons”? For me it’s 1.) his crazy long tongue and 2.) all the diseases he’s contracted with and because of his tongue, in that order. So I start screaming, “Yeah! Woo!” and lolling my tongue and headbanging (sans hair tie, so I am a hair tornado, man) and playing air bass then I turn to the other auditioner (Richard, nice guy) since he and I are supposed to be good friends according to the copy and say, “Can you imagine how many women that tongue has been in?!” and then I start chanting “STD! STD!” Then the music seemed to end rather abruptly. Oh well. You think there’s NOTHING you can do to offend New Yorkers and then something ambiguous like this happens.
Also, I held a 3 month old chihuahua and it kissed me. IT WAS THE SMALLEST THING IN THE WORLD. I could have a pug or a chihuahua. I would have to get the smallest chihuahua available. It was SO CUTE. I would name the chihuahua Squiggles. It fit in the palm of my hand.