8.26.05
3:06 PM
Last night I watched Armageddon and Monkey Shines. The first I watched because I have seen numerous parodies and have yet to see the source material and the second because it was Executive Produced by the owner of Tashmu, the dog I used to walk, Peter Grunwald.
Say what you will about Jerry Bruckhiemer, but goddamn can he make a HUGE movie just packed to the brim with famous actors. Bruce Willis (with an accent), Ben Affleck (tolerable), Liv Tyler (unreasonable hot), Michael Clarke Duncan (the poor man’s Ving Rhames), Owen Wilson (as Owen Wilson), Billy Bob Thornton Jolie (with the perpetual scruffy beard), Steve Buscemi (love that freak), Keith David (the voice of Golaith from the cartoon show Gargoyles as well as the guy who likes White chicks and gives them heroin for sex in Requiem for a Dream), Peter Stormare (Nihilist #1 from The Big Lebowski) and other actors that would make you exclaim, “Oh! That guy!” once you’ve seen them. Granted the plot was super hackneyed, but, come on, they have to drill into an asteroid and then blow it up with nukes!!! This sort of thing is de rigueur for Jedi Masters such as Obi Wan Pomerantz, but for us mere mortals, fuck man, NUKES ON THE ASTEROID!!!
“Monkey Shines”? Wow. Not only did this movie have a fierce attack parakeet, a razor-wielding capuchin and a quadriplegic sex scene (boi-oi-oing!!) but it also had one of the funniest foe-vanquishing moments ever put on film and I will challenge you to find a better one. Gia, this is the kind of “taking itself seriously” movie that you would love to flay with your razor-sharp tongue and scald with your caustic wit. Boo yah.
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