Some thoughts on Captain Marvel

Never really been a fan of prequels, but I understand this film had a job to do and it did it just fine: introduce this ridiculously powerful character and show her being ridiculously powerful so we can just get right into that in Endgame. 
I could take or leave the whole 90's nostalgia thing. I was there. These things (slow internet, Blockbuster Video, No Doubt) existed. Cool.
I thought Coulson was kind of needless aside from establishing him and how Iron Man "wasn't his first rodeo". Again, this movie had some boxes to check and it did so.
I felt that everyone on Starforce except for Minerva had little to no personality and I didn't care if they lived or died. I was happy Lee Pace didn't use his silly now i am emphasizing things voice from GotG, but that's it, another rather needless character.
But, my biggest problem, the reason why I might never bother to watch this film again*...is that they pulled another goddamn Mandarin.
I was so excited to finally get some payoff from the Ten Rings thing in the first two Iron Man films and ON TOP OF THAT have Ben Fucking Kingsley playing the Mandarin! Then...nah. Yes, it was HILARIOUS to see him as the drug-addled Trevor Slattery, but I would have so much rather have had him be the Mandarin.**
Anyway, when they announced that there were Skrulls in CM, I. Was. In. The implications of that...Secret Invasion along with the events of Infinity War? Oh man, comic book crossover gold. But...nah. In another startling original twist that shouldn't have happened, Skrulls are the victims and there will be no Secret Invasion. At least not yet. I suppose, among other boxes that have been checked by this film, we can add the existence of Skrulls and their skillset to the list.
I was happy to see that the first post credit scene just skipped the whole "who will save us?" thing and just dropped Danvers in. Good. I want all 475 minutes of Endgame to focus on awesome shit. No catch up, no "why are we fighting?! WE'RE ON THE SAME SIDE!!!" stuff, just 22 films and 11 years worth of action in my eyes.
I'm also really hoping they've got a reeeeally good reason for there being a Spider-Man 2, and a Doctor Strange 2, and a GotG 3, and a Black Panther 2.

* I'm lying to your face, I have already pre-ordered the steelbook Blu-Ray.

** There was that Marvel One-Shot, Hail To The King*** that indicated there's a real Mandarin out there...and that went exactly nowhere. Maybe phase 5?

*** Remember those? I miss those so hard...

I'm Doing Stuff Too...OSCAR EDITION (A Star Is Born, Vice)

How can there be good, interesting, well-written, well-directed films like The Favourite, and Into the Spider-Verse, and BlacKKKlansman nominated and winning awards, and ALSO A Star Is Born? Is Lady Gaga that popular? Are people that tired of thinking about films? Even Green Book (or How To Solve Racism In Eight Weeks) was better than this...

First off, I hate country music and most pop. So that could already put me solidly outside the demographic circle for this film. Secondly, people who say Lady Gaga is ugly have never seen a real ugly person. Is she ugly when compared to what the beauty and modeling and film industries have been telling us is beautiful for decades? Sure, but she's not ugly. She's barely movie ugly. You want ugly? Steve Buscemi is fucking ugly. He's talented as fuck, but he is someone H.P. Lovecraft would have slapped eyes on and then described as "batrachian". He's the child of Grendel and Gollum. And if HE had been discovered, singing French songs in drag by a drunken Bradley Cooper, I would have completely believed that "people like the way he sings, but they call him ugly". But Lady Gaga? Her face is a little weird. To me, this device is maybe one or two steps above the "ponytails and glasses make hot girls not hot" device that's been used, overused, beaten to death, exposed, parodied, AND THEN REBEATEN TO DEATH for years. It's sloppy. Something Oscar worthy films should not be.

Then there's all the trite shit that's trudged out for the billionth time for everyone to be surprised and impressed with. Ugh.

Look, I know this is a remake...of a remake, I think?...but I don't care. You know what needs a remake? The Silent Hill video game franchise. Resident Evil is cleaning up and we still have to contend with PSOne era graphics and controls if we want to experience the first Silent Hill. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED BY THIS RUSTY BLOB!

Also, I know he's become his own thing and a goddamn Oscar magnet, but I cannot see Bradley Cooper without seeing Michael Ian Black absolutely fucking the shit out of him in Wet Hot American Summer. I know Cooper would probably have been discovered at some point, but the fact that David fucking Wain put him in his first movie...aaahhh! Deeelicious. I prefered Gaga in American Horror Story. Her funkiness made more sense.

Now, as for Vice, I knew NOTHING about this film, not even a trailer. I heard Adam McKay had written and directed and I was stoked. In the end, I thought it would be funnier and I don't see the point of it. Okay, evil man in politics. Yeah. We're there guys. It's happening NOW. This did deserve Best Make-Up though. And Bale MIGHT be my pick for Best Actor for how hard he threw himself into Cheney. He must REALLY hate who he really is to be so good at taking on other roles... I'd hate to ever ruin a take on his set by checking a light... Someone suggested I check out The Big Short, but I saw a trailer and I don't need to. The twist though? Wow, masterfully done. Plus, Bale looking directly down the barrel and saying "you chose me...and I did what you asked" is chilling and sad and please let's only have 690 or so days left in this caldera of piss and shit and blood and fire and hate please.

Biggest problem: Sam Rockwell did not dance. I am heartbroken by this sad fact. But, we got to see how awesome a couple Lois Lane and Batman would be so.....ugh. I'll stop.

I'm Doing Stuff Too...OSCAR EDITION (The Favourite, Green Book)

Maybe you'll consider this cheating as I saw The Favourite a while back when Chris was still here, but, Oscar Edition motherfuckaz. Eat it.

As I've mentioned, I've been a fan of Olivia Colman for years. I think the first time I saw her was in Peep Show and/or Mitchell and Webb. The fact that she kept appearing in EvERYTHING BBC and has now won for Best Actress is just fantastic. Emma Stone is as husky-voiced as ever and her deviousness was palpable. And then there's Yorgos. His movies always fuck me up and I think this is his tamest. I usually tire of the type of movies where one must be polite above all else, one may be as snarky as one prefers, but one must always be polite, until someone eventually snaps and, I don't know, poisons someone... This was my issue with Downton Abbey. If more people solved their problems with violence, things would just go faster. Not better mind you, but faster. If Rachel Weisz* just threw Emma Stone down some stairs at the first sign of backstabbery, things might have turned out better, but the film would only be eight minutes.

Oh subtlety...scoot!

A few years back, both 12 Years A Slave and Django Unchained were nominated for Best Picture. People referred to them as the "serious racism movie" and the "funny racism movie" respectively. In the former, we saw Chiwetel Ejiofor undergo unspeakable, nightmare things, and, after over a decade in this hell, somehow barely manage to escape. Racism wasn't a person or group of people, it was a huge machine which destroyed the hearts, minds, and bodies of men, women, and children. In the latter, we didn't solve racism, but we saw Foxx go on a bloody rampage against those that purportrated racism against him, so for him, maybe he DID solve racism. I feel like BlacKKKlansman and Green Book are kind of in the same place, although I wouldn't really can BK wholly "funny" just like I wouldn't really call GB wholly "serious". BK is dark as fuck with some really dark and sometimes goofy humor tossed in. Why not call it what it is? It's a Spike Lee joint. His stuff is always very...Spike Lee-y. As for GB, I would call it this year's "cute" racism movie. Yes, Mahershala Ali (who I dug in Treme and everything else I've since see him in) wasn't allowed to eat here or try a suit on there and some white men pushed him around and punched him !!!! But that punch happened off camera. Because this was a PG-13 exploration of racism in the Deep South in the early 60's, so there was only so far they could go. In the end, the racism felt problematic, a thing to be navigated, rather than the huge, disgusting stain on history it really is, and as it was shown, beautifully, tragically, in BK.
Also, I feel like we missed something between Viggo's character THROWING OUT GLASSES BLACK MEN HAD TOUCHED to taking the doctor's money and agreeing to be his driver for two months. They didn't seem THAT hard up for cash. And, yeah, I got the feeling he didn't want to work for the MAFIA, but there wasn't enough of a struggle for me to believe this racistdude would just go along with it. And, the fact that these two magic months taught Viggo Mortensen tolerance and love and respect...I don't know, it just felt like a Disney version of racism.** The performances were great, the music was excellent, truly something special, but the whole thing felt very sanitized, which is exactly how racism should NOT be portrayed, especially today, in this racial climate with this Nazi sympathizer as the president. It should be exposed and left seething as the filthy shit it is, not something to be tiptoed around.

Final thought on Green Book: Viggo Mortensen is starting to look like Ed O'Neill in his later years.

* I just love that sneaky little 'z' at the end of her name...

** And not like Song of the South. That's...a different form of Disney's version of racism.

I'm Doing Stuff Too...OSCAR EDITION (BlacKKKlansman, Bohemian Rhapsody)

Never known Spike Lee to make anything that isn't both brutal and beautiful, but those last few minutes...aw man this place is STILL so fucked up. The mix of empowerment and disempowerment is artful and crushing. Topher Grace is goddamn chilling with his "aw shucks" avuncularity, Jasper Pääkkönen is that horrid, unspeakable kind of redneck piece of shit that gets you mad just thinking about him, and Adam Driver has so many great little moments. The fact that so fucking little has changed since when this film was set is enough to drive one over the edge, but the worst thing is that the people who need to see this (the ignorant diaper bags who are actually portrayed in the film) will never see this. It's the same with climate change docs and all that science that they label as propaganda. Oh fuck me I'm so white and straight and liberal...

As for Bohemian Rhapsody, I feel that biopics that aren’t rated R can’t portray any real truth. At some point or other in anyone’s life/career, they’re going to say 'fuck'. A lot. I feel Mercury's slide into the world of sex and drugs and more of both was done rather toothlessly, but again, PG-13...can't offend folks...

And, speaking of teeth.

Oh my sweet chili peppers...the teeth.
The. Teeth.
Or, in his case the tteeetthhh.*

Did Malik deserve Best Actor? I don't know, I haven't seen the rest of the films. Overall though, I didn't really care about the film. It felt too much like a biopic about a really popular band. It was like, let's hit all these notes and that's it.

Whatever. I do think I am going to start listening to more Queen though. And I'd love to pick my friend Angie's brain, if she saw it. I am also curious what the film would have been like if Sacha Baron Cohen had played Mercury, as was going to be the case a few years back. I think that would have been an amazing performance and would have made for a much better movie.

I did see AND ENJOY The Favourite though...COLMAN!!! YEAH! I've loved this lady since she randomly showed up on EVERY BBC SHOW EVER IN THE EARLY 00'S. And now, everyone else does too.

Crack on, Olivia.

* Get it? Because he has too many?

I'm Doing Stuff Too... (Collateral, I, Tonya)

Heard about Collateral because Tom Cruise played a bad guy in it. He smiled less than usual and talked more quietly. Good stuff. Otherwise, this was one of those dozens of perfectly serviceable, sometimes stylish, almost instantly forgettable action/thrillers that come out every year. Last year it was The Commuter. Mark Ruffalo was a nice surprise, specifically his facial hair choices.

Not a clue how or when I heard about I, Tonya. Probably when Allison Janney got the nom/award for Best Supporting, which she earned completely. An evil Janney is something to behold... Can say the "incident" really affected my life one way or another when it happened, but, hey, Margot Robbie. They did such a fantastic job at making her look less like the angel she is. And, because I am a nerd...this was a movie starring Harley Quinn married to the Winter Soldier.

These "reviews" are so good and helpful, you guys.

I'm Doing Stuff Too... (Blue Ruin, Hard Eight)

After mentioning Green Room, my beatboxing sweat-brother Jon Schoss* turned me onto Jeremy Saulnier's earlier film, Blue Ruin, apparently the first in a trilogy of "color" films. Again, I was struck by how spare and direct it was. How "this happened and it went wrong, where do we go from here?" Also how fucking much Macon Blair looks like Graham fucking Skipper. It's beginning to freak me out. I dug the trappings of GR more, but this was a great experience.

Can't recall how I heard about Hard Eight. Probably saw it mentioned around when PTA was up for Oscar shenanigans with Phantom Thread. It's really funny how this feels like a PTA student film; it still has the actors and the situations and the Jon Brion music, but the scope is tiny. One ONE story?! One FOUR characters?! My biggest problem with this movie was believing Gwyneth Paltrow as a prostitute. I can't think of a more haughty actress...maybe Madeline Kahn? But, seriously, even completely broke and dying of starvation, I cannot see Paltrow selling her body for ANYTHING less than 6.5 million dollars.
Also, I strongly believe that Philip Baker Hall has neither chewed gum nor worn jeans in his entire life. The jeans would instantly turn to a black, tailored suit. I also believe he has looked and sounded like he does now, at age 87, his entire life. First words, "Mother, I'd like to suckle, if I may."

* A man who always brings the kukushiki.

I'm Doing Stuff Too... (Bone Tomahawk, Green Room)

I stumbled upon Brawl In Cell Block 99 a while ago and enjoyed it. I like where Vince Vaughn is these days. I was at a session and Brawl came up. Turns out my friengineer, Dan, worked on the next movie S. Craig Zahler did, Bone Tomahawk. Dan said if I liked one, I'd probably like the other. He also said there was a moment so brutal, that it might undo me.

I'm not normally a Western kind of guy, white hats, black hats, shooty bang bang, I get it*, but this...aside from the excellent subtleties these actors brought, the twist on the antagonists was phenomenal.

I spoke with Dan briefly as soon as THAT scene happened. We discussed how "dry" the film was, but score-wise and sound-wise. It really works.

I'm looking forward to Dragged Across Concrete, Zahler's most recent. Also his new film. Specifically because there's a guy with a mohawk in it who apparently has a really small dick...but he knows how to USE it, and THAT is what matters.

Then, I tried Green Room. All I knew of this was that Sir Patrick Stewart goes against type. I saw the A24 logo at the start and any fears that lingered were allayed. After ten minutes, I thought this was going to be a sort of Mid90s but for an underground punk band. Boy howdy had I misread the room...the...green...room. This is a tense, taut, tight, tinsel, tangelo, tawny thriller. Plus there's a dude in it named Macon Blair who looks a little like my friend Graham Skipper's chubby older brother.

These were a perfect accidental pairing and I'd highly recommend them both. Although, heads up, they both get a bit graphic.

* Although Val Kilmer is and shall always be my huckleberry.