Pour your sandwiches down on me.

4.9.09
10:04 pm

You know how people say "you learn something new every day"?
Well, I don't.
I really, really don't.
But today...I do.
I learned that, when it comes to being forced to order food delivered to my place of work, I no longer have to settle for greasy Chinese, greasy Italian, greasy Mexican or greasy deli.
I have discovered Seattle Cafe.
LAUGH!
SCOFF!
MAKE LIGHT!
"Ooooh, way to join 2002, Paul!  Do you like coffee?  Have you heard of this place Starbucks?  They make homosexual coffee! 'Tall' means 'small' there!"
I don't really care WHAT you think of me.
I have discovered a wonderful new alternative to my take out regimen.
They make paninis.
I like paninis.
They are not horribly overpriced nor are they greasy.
Hey Food Rut...prepare to become a notch deeper.
Bring on These Economics Times...I've got grilled chicken club sandwiches on focaccia, bitches.

In non-gastrointestinal news, I just finished the 7th or 8th to last Discworld book.
Man this guy is a brilliant humorist.
And he's going to die not knowing who he is or where he is.
That is utterly undeserving.
Why can't my enemies get the degenerative brain diseases?
Or even just some random asshole?
Why Terry "I'm Smart and Funny" Pratchett?
Hey, I know a certain crackhead who'd look just great lying in a gutter covered in his own bodily waste...

Had seven auditions last week ranging from Com-goddamn-motherfuckin'-cast legal copy to eating a fake burger and yelling "DANGUS!" at the top of my voice on camera.
May have snagged one, but who knows...
One in seven, people keep telling me, is pretty impressive.
At some point, I might even believe them.

Going back to all that music blither blather: the new Depeche Mode has leaked and it is some of their best stuff in years, plus six of the fifteen new Manson tracks have also leaked...they're...hm.
They're better than everything off  'Eat Me, Drink Me' (which, apparently Manson also thought sucked, because on his most recent tour he played only TWO songs from it each night), but none of them can hold a candle to anything off 'Antichrist Superstar'.
One or two Tori tracks leaked as well.
Straight up adult contemporary.
I hope the whole thing doesn't sound like them.
Still chomping at the bit RE: the new eels.
There's some half hour "making of the album" doc that will probably come out with the album.
Looks pretty masturbatory, but E has made his career out of having people watch him bleed and cry and masturbate, so no problems here.
The trailer to it has some of another new song, "Tremendous Dynamite", a song whose title has, sadly, written a check the song itself cannot cash.
But "Fresh Blood" is BEATING BEYONCE on AOL's Top 40 this week.
THAT is something to freak out about as eels has always been a smaller band, even though you've probably heard they're music in ALL the Shrek movies, Road Trip and a bunch of other places you wouldn't expect to hear it.
This just means more people for E to isolate.
Way to do it, E, you bearded cantankerous old misanthrope.
I say okay.

I Just Got Punched By A Crackhead

classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui>

4.7.09

9:32 pm

This is all absolutely goddamn true.

Coming back into my job after my lunch break, I approached the swinging doors in the vestibule that lead me into the hallway outside the security office, in which I work.

I reached the doors and pulled the left one open.

A short man with his head down came barreling out and ran right into my chest.

I said, "Excuse m-" then I felt something hit my stomach.

A man behind this punchy little fellow said,"Whoa, whoa, calm down man!"

It was right around then I realized that this fucking cunt rag had punched me!

Punched!

ME!

I was SO utterly SHOCKED!

No one has consciously tried to punch me since the 4th grade so I was literally standing there gape-mouthed while this scrappy thing was slowly backing away (I don't think he had seen who he'd hit as his head was down and he may have, just then, noticed that he'd struck a guy two and a half times his size).

I said, "What the fuck?!" more out of genuine puzzlement that belligerence.

"Got in my WAY, man..." he reasonably explained.

Then Sergeant Mann came into the vestibule and told him to get the fuck out.

I asked Sarge who this guy was as we went back inside.

He told me he was a crackhead who had come in with his friend  to smoke crack in the bathroom.

He'd noticed that they looked...well, like actual crackheads, people addicted to crack, and told them they could use the bathroom if they left their coats and bags at the security station.

They had agreed and went to the bathroom.

The Sergeant, having a pretty clear idea that they were, indeed, going to try to use drugs in the bathroom, stood outside the door and overhead the short, scrappy gentleman asking, in Spanish, for the stuff.

The other one said it was in the bags that they'd left at the security station.

You see the problem?

So, apparently, I had just walked in as Sarge told them they'd have to leave.

I then asked Sarge if he saw that guy hit my in the gut.

His eyes widened.

"When?!"

"Just now.  The little fucker."

"Why didn't you tell me then?!"

"Why? What were you going to do?"

"Kick his punk ass!"

Then came the lengthy discussion about what I should have done: taken him apart, pretended to fall down and get hurt thus getting paid disability or receiving compensation from the Hospital, restraining him while the police were called (since the Sarge knew these guys had drugs on them that would have been pretty detrimental I'd imagine), a combination of all three and a variety of other ploys and tactics.

Oh, to have those 30 seconds back.

I am still, three hours later, just shocked.

This chickenhead little cocksucker!

Hitting me!

Man.

I must say my general good feeling towards the crackhead community has greatly been reduced.

A Weensy Addendum

4.2.09
8:09 pm
Forgot to mention the last track on "LotusFlow3r", 'No More Candy 4 U' is fucking awesome.
If Prince could be MORE like Little Richard...well, this is that song.

And also that the first single Manson plans to release from "The High End of Low" (as in the song that will herald a new Marilyn Manson album and be played on the radio and have a music video to be shown...wherever music videos are now shown) is called 'Arma-goddamn-motherfucking-geddon', which, of course, on the radio and TV will be called Arma-*******-*************-geddon and will obviously have a huge silence in the middle of the chorus, which features Manson yelling the song's title four times in a row.
He did this a few albums ago when he released 'This Is The New Shit' as the first single off "The Golden Age of Grotesque' as either 'This Is The New ****' or (and this is worse) 'This Is The New Hit'.
*sigh*
Way to shoot yourself in the goddamn motherfucking foot.

After the fires, before the flood...

4.1.09
6:54 pm
This summer...is pregnant with music.
And the first baby has already been born.
It is called "LotusFlow3r".
It's Prince's 37th album and 19th double album to date.
It's a Prince album.
It's Prince doing R&B, jazz and funk.
Some tracks have words, some do not.
GOD damn is he prolific.
If ANY of the five bands I love were this prolific, shit, I'd probably get sick of them.
Like most recent Prince albums, there are one or two good songs, but no Hits.
I don't know if he's really going for Hits any more though.
I think he is just making music for the sake of music, which is a really amazing feat and I hope he never stops.
He has a cover of "Crimson & Clover"...well, the first third of it anyway; then he just makes sweet, sweet love to his guitar...which you can see if you look up in the air.
Some pretty, simple songs are scattered amongst the semi-lite-jazz and radio friendly funk along with some straight up Prince shrieking goodness.
But again, nothing so stand out.
Although there is a new lyric (from the genuinely heartwarming "4ever")  to be added to the Book:
"Stop lookin' at me like that unless you gonna bite that"
Is Prince indicating that he KNOWS about the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse?
What role does he play?
Good...or evil?

Then we have (that I'm aware of) five more sprogs to be dropped:

Depeche Mode "Sounds of the Universe" 4/21
God what a ridiculous title.
They've released one single thus far (called 'Wrong' and it's nothing to shake trees about) with the requisite nine drum and bass remixes on it.
Leave it to Depeche Mode to continue releasing CD singles.
I'm not complaining, I loved going around to every store in New York looking in the "Import Single" section for random Beck b-sides or EU eels maxi CDs.
The continual digitization of music has made it easier to get stuff, but less fun.
I just wish I gave more of a shit about Depeche Mode.
I think they may have peaked with "Songs of Faith and Devotion" with the occasional glimmer on "Ultra" and a glint here and there on "Exciter" and "Playing the Angel".

Peaches "I Feel Cream" 5/4
Based on the three tracks up on her myspace, I'm pretty certain that this is going to be a Peaches album.

Tori Amos "Abnormally Attracted to Sin" 5/19
Haven't heard anything of or from this yet.
If "American Doll Posse" is any indication, it's going to recapture some of the amazing stuff she used to do, but also have some of that adult contemporary flavor that you REALLY have to be in the mood for.
I have to say that "American Doll Posse" made me believe that Tori Amos can still make vital sounding music.
Still waiting for that Reznor/Amos piano centered collaboration though...

Marilyn Manson "The High End of Low"5/19
And speaking of misery...
Manson has released one track thus far, 'We're From America', so this might all be moot, a swallow does not a summer make and all that.
Musically, it is rather interesting, a return, somewhat, to the sound of "Antichrist Superstar"', but less gritty and...good; lyrically, however it's made up of his "clever" turns of phrase such as "we don't believe in credibility/because we're fucking incredible" and "we're from America/where we turn literature into litter" ZING! and his "shocking" world view (which he'll sing twice...so you can do a double take...because you're so shocked) such as "we don't kill our babies/we need them to grow up and fight our wars".
Whoa, Marilyn, that's pretty scathing...for the 1960's.
I think Manson should just stop trying to shock people and just make some interesting music like he used to.
Stop trying to shock listeners; after the election of a black President and the proliferation of 2 Girls, 1 Cup you're just wasting your breath, try to make something creepy and compelling like "Antichrist Superstar".
And lose the bad puns.
If I want bad puns, I'll just go here .
DOUBLE ZING!!

eels "Hombre Lobo" 6/2
Why is it always the most anticipated album that comes out last?
I would gladly give up three of the above releases to get this album sooner.
I've been trepidacious ever since I saw that the first eels album in 2 years after their 2-disc 30+ track "Blinking Lights" would only have 12 tracks.
Then I saw the title, album art and track listing and, as odd as this may seem, may spirits lifted.
Last night, E posted a track from the album.
The track is called "Fresh Blood" and it has made me ready for this album, now.
It's very eels, but in an immediately accessible and enjoyable way.
There's always some trepidation when it comes to a new eels album.
It took a while for me to love all of "Electro-Shock Blues" and even longer to love "Daises of the Galaxy" (and I still skip 'Estate Sale').
E has a tendency to drastically switch formats from release to release (as anyone who has seen them live more than once will tell you) and while each release and performance will be distinctly eels, some incarnations are more eels than others.
Dig?
E is just the man.
I think that may be it.
Another added jot of excitement; I, as Spanish as Norway, thought the album meant "wolf man" or "Mr. Wolf", but apparently, it means "werewolf".
Something about E singing "12 song of desire" as a werewolf...it just feels right.
Go check out 'Fresh Blood' and tell me you don't pop a musical boner.

Mickey Avalon's New Album Summer '09
Sort of an afterthought.
I'd say four or five of the tracks on his debut are truly memorable and the new single off this one (entitled 'Fuckin' 'Em All') has a delightfully Mickey Avalon music video to go with it.
It really could go either way and while I can't hope for a new 'My Dick', this guy knows how to party: with Salvia and whores.

Soulless? Moi?

Chris found this today.
Greg Brunkalla is the guy who directed the Nike "One Muscle" thing.
He's also plays Kevin.
Also found out that he directed the Saul Williams' video for 'List of Demands', the video that got Reznor interested in Saul Williams and lead to Niggy Tardust.
CHOMP.

Diesel's New Dark
The denim brand drops some surreal webfilms.
By: Nick Parish
A puppet made of meat, a sleepy-eyed lass in a bathtub of hair, hooded, half-nude contestants in a dungeon dance contest--all these strange, wacked-out notions are elements in Diesel's new homepage initiative, V.

The video content effort is the first from Swedish shop Farfar as Diesel's AOR, after the much-awarded Heidies "15 MB of Fame" and a nine-shop pitch to win the business earlier this year, and consists of several shows. "Dance Party," the aforementioned twisted reality show, brought a group of dancers into a basement studio and then forced them to dance, hooded, with a soulless voice directing them. "Corner Time" sees a series of various hucksters dispatch self-improvement methods, "Pete the Meat Puppet" chronicles one carne character's rise, fall and rise again and "Hair Bath" sees a heavy-lidded hostess implore viewers to send their hair to a P.O. box in Hillsdale, New Jersey so she can lounge in the tub with it.

The webfilms were executed in part by Legs, a new creative and production studio, part of the Milk Group in New York, consisting of Georgie Greville, Greg Brunkalla, Geremy Jasper and Adam Joseph. Greville and Jasper directed and wrote at MTV, respectively (you'll remember Jasper, who penned the music to "Pete the Meat Puppet," as the creator and songwriter behind MTV's Chunky Pam and founder of rock group The Fever and Greville for her Iggy-inspired short for Milk's casting service, House). Brunkalla is a director who got his start at @radical.media and also edits and Joseph, executive producer/director of creative content at Legs, is a former MTV casting director.

"The whole project was a gigantic collaboration for us," the Legs group writes. "Greg and Georgie would usually direct, Geremy would co-direct and be head writer and Adam, in the executive producer role, would oversee everything and manage our factory-like space."

A team from Farfar joined Legs at Milk HQ as they shot elements of the campaign inside the gallery/fashion/casting/production hub, going for a black and white, vintage feel for the strange tales, which have a feel to them not unlike John Waters meeting Tay Zonday in a Toys-R-Us unisex bathroom. The brief, the collective writes, was "a black and white 30-page PDF with super ambitious ideas for content of all shapes and sizes from short films to propaganda pieces to live interactive shows, all making up this surreal and mysterious internet TV station."

Judging from the initial content, 'surreal TV' is being achieved. Some of that stems from the real feel to the segments. For instance, "Corner Time," which, according to Legs, was unscripted and relied on casting guru types for its strange vibe. "Dance Party," however, took aspiring dancers and put them into a crazy, mixed-up world. In their underwear.

"There was a great moment when we first started shooting in the basement, where Adam was intensely interrogating all the dancers behind a blaring light. They became sincerely frightened and actually believed that they were being abducted into some sort of dangerous cult ritual. That was exciting. A bunch of them admitted to our PAs that they were legitimately freaked out when it was being shot. I guess being led around in your underwear with a bag over your head is a bit of a compromising situation."

Feel le pain.

Plato was a Douchbag.

3.24.09

3:16 pm

And here is why:

He whipped up this idea of the Ideal being utterly unattainable.

He said the Ideal versions of Everything was chained up in a cave somewhere and all we see are their shadows.

The shadows on the wall.

Et cetera.

This was a total dick move.

Because of this boyfondler's musings, THE ENTIRE THINKING POPULACE believed that nothing would ever be perfect in life.

Merely a goddamn shadow.

An impression.

A disappointment.

What a Greek douchbag.

Also, you ever feel as if you like the idea of a person more than you like that actual person?

As in, you like talking about them and thinking about them but when it comes down to actually spending time with them the experience lacks a certain...something?

That the mental picture tends to become the Ideal and you're really just hanging out with the shadow? 

Sometimes I feel like that.

On both sides, depending on the situation.

Fucking Plato.

As for my weekend?

I spent twenty four hours straight playing Fallout 3.

Twenty four.

Hours.

Straight.

During that time, I ate four Tim Tams, drank about 6 glasses of water and ate a bowl of Basic 4 with whole milk.

Twenty four hours.

It was...whew.

It was deliciously reminiscent of college.

Specifically the times we all (Mike, Dylan, Alex and Ryan) stayed up and played GTA III and, later, GTA: Vice City and also the time we watched the first season of 24 in twenty eight hours.

Then there was that time we got drunk off Peach Schnapps and played Tekken 2 until five in the morning.

But THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

Just the shadow of it.

Fucking boytoucher.

3.19.09

4:46pm

First: holy shit, it's already the end of March.

Then: I downloaded Chris Cornell's new album "Scream" last week after the Onion gave it a D- or something along those lines.

I'll just get right to it: Timbaland is not a magic wand.

In the right situation, he can do some amazing stuff and what he does just works perfectly with someone else's music.

The tracks he's done with Bjork, Justin Timberlake and M.I.A. are good (although his "rap" in M.I.A.'s Come Around is wholly shit) because they have all, at times, had a very "Timbaland friendly" way of making music.

As in you can dance to it.

But KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.

Timbaland did all the beats on Cornell album and it all just sounds kind of like a musical joke.

I'll admit I know very little about Chris Cornell.

He was in Soundgarden and I dug some of their stuff although 'Black Hole Sun' was played out for me after the fourth time I'd heard it.

Then he was in Audioslave and I didn't really care.

Then he did the theme for Casino Royale.

I thought it was straightforward and perfect for the tone of the movie.

Then this?

I don't think I've heard more than one or two instances of guitar on this thing..

It's really like Chris Cornell did a bunch of vocals and gave them to Timbaland to place over his least creative beats.

And it has one of the worst "hip hop devices" ever.

The one where, during a quiet part of the song, the producer talks.

Just rambles about something like he's afraid of the silence.

So, in the title track, which is about getting yelled at by someone standing really close to you and not liking that, there is a break between the first chorus and second verse in which Timbaland says something along the lines of:

"Yo girl...why you gotta scream...you see me standing right here...yeah...Chris, sing the second verse..."

Like, the song was 99% done and they were in the studio being like "Mmmm...I don't know Timba...it's almost done...but something's missing..."

And Timba was like "Yo, Chris...I got this."

Ignore this.

8:04pm

If you ever find yourself embroiled in a situation where you must prove someone's essential humanity, I have developed a litmus test for just such an occasion:

Play them 'Hey Jude'.

If they do not sing along with the last four minutes or so, they are not human.

Also, if you play them 'Take On Me' and they do not "air keyboard" along with the keyboard solo.

You'll thank me when this test exposes a replicant in your midst.

And finally...

http://www.crystalheadvodka.com/

He is living the goddamn dream.

And you are drinking his goddamn head vodka.

I'm in the mood for love...SIMPLY...because you're near me!!

3.18.09
9:21pm
THAT is how powerful your sexy is!

Mere proximity encourages full turgidity!

Congrats!

Big MUNNY!

The song isn't "I'm in the mood for love, simply because you're clutching my John Johnson", NO!

We're talking lonely-inexperienced-teenage-boy-watching-his-secret-crush-buy-an-apple-from-the-cafeteria-fruit-stand reaction here!

Cannae control his self!

He cannae doot!

He cannae!!

That's what you're working with...ON A DAILY BASIS.

Shiz, niz, I'd never get anything done!

The merest hint of a reflective surface and I'd be off like pants afire!

Whoosh!

Porkchop sandwiches!

No mirrors or spoons allowed!

Done!

Now...you might (but are most likely not) be asking: Paolo, why be you so happy, eh? What deal be? Good hair day? GREAT hair day? Just how great...IS your hair today? Me want know! Me want know NOW!"

You MIGHT be thinking that.

And, let me tell you, it has nothing at all to do with my hair.

Unless you're referring to the "hair-like" axons in my brain as "hair"...which would be convoluted at best.

No, I'm not even having that great of a day, really.

Just sort of a regular type day groove.

But here's the thing...

On Sunday, Ray lent me Fallout 3, a HUGE (in the sense of width, depth and breadth) PS3 game which I have been enjoying ever since.

It takes place in a post-apocalyptic landscape etc etc.

I have also been watching Battlestar Galactica (and enjoying it) in which two main characters were boxing in a recent episode.

I have ALSO also been watching the start of the third "volume" of Heroes, in which this bald pyrokenetic showed up who reminds me of Butterbean (the redneck boxer guy).

All these components were mushed together into a tasty little botargo upon which I nibbled last night (well, this morning actually.  I played Fallout from 1 in the morning to 7ish today).

And the result?

My brain is convinced of something that is not happening and may never happen, but it has greatly improved my outlook on life.

At least temporarily.

And hey, if you're not living in the now, you're probably dead or an accountant.

I am neither, so I am happy.

Just a long, tangential romp to say just how much I dig my brain at this particular moment.

Go brain!

Go!!

And.  There's.  More.

Even though I have just recently finished the Inchoate Trilogy, I had another idea "just pop in there" like Ray (Stanz, not Zablocki) calling up the image of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man at the end of Ghostbusters.

A hell of a long time ago, I decided to try to decode an Edward Gorey piece entitled The Chinese Obelisk.

In it, birdlike creatures fly past shattered or incomplete stone structures on a grayish background with strips of cloth in their mouths.

On each piece of cloth is a word.

There are about 80 total.

The words range from the mundane (glue) to the superarchaic (imbat) to the arboreal (jequirity) to the astronomical (gegenschein) and everywhere in between.

I had copied down each of the words to find definitions because I was excited to tighten my grasp on the English language.

Then I forgot about the project utterly.

Until today.

My new project will be called "The Chinese Obelisk" and will consist of 23 short films based on 23 of the words from Gorey's piece.

While the Inchoate Trilogy was never really meant to be taken seriously in ANY way, shape or form, these will actually have something more to them.

At least I hope.

These are going to range from shorts to soundscapes to whatever I think fits the word in question.

It should keep me busy for a while.

Along with that, I laid some vocals down (that means recorded some vocals to those not "in the biz"..."the biz" meaning the entertainment industry) on Ray's (Zablocki, not Stanz) sonic gangbang the other day (the working title is "Duckernauts") and, just yesterday, I wrote full on lyrics for it.

He and I will reconvene to record them soon.

At the same session, I also recorded some lyrics I'd had written for some months for a song called "These Are Some Things".

It's all mine and, at some point, that's going to pop up on the George Washington Diarrhea myspace site.

AND, there is a certain special li'l hedgehog out there who will soon have her very own theme song, although I think ditty fits more with the music and tone of the thing.

But I don't think she even knows this journal exists so this paragraph is thus rendered moot.

TASTE the mootness.

Mmmm...mooty.

Also yesterday, my shimmering, glimmering O&O managed to Morselate the anus of the Internet and score her and I two tickets each to two dates on what is to be the last Nine Inch Nails tour for what might be a very long time.

They are touring with Jane's Addiction (which I give not a shit about) and, yes, they're calling it the NIN/JA tour.

Merch stand, here I come.

Then there's the Cake show a week before the NIN show.

Not sure I mentioned this, but I haven't seen them in OVER ten years.

I hear John McCrea has become less of a douchebag, to his fans at least.

They're playing at Terminal 5 where Chris and I saw eels on their last tour and it's a great venue.

It's strange, I always held Cake and eels on the same level of fame in my mind and the fact that they are both playing at the same place just cements that construct.

What's ALSO strange is that THREE of my favorite bands got Grammy nominations this years as well.

Rock on, synchronicity.

And speaking of which, TMBG is having their sixth in an apparently never-ending series of shows at Le Poisson Rouge (and their seventh is planned for the Saturday after the Cake show).

Not sure if I'm going.

Quite frankly, there's no one left to go with.

I've gone to four of the six thus far and had a great time at each, but I'd also been with one or more people at each one.

I'll play it by ear.

Next, the Ghostbusters video game, which is fully sanctioned by, written by and voice acted by all four of the original cast plus Walter Peck and Janine Melnitz is coming out in June and I am pretty goddamn excited.

Even more so since Ray (Zablocki, not Stanz) informed me that, because of all the hype surrounding the game (which was to replace a third movie), they are actually going to do a third Ghostbusters movie.

Normally, I would have a violently adverse reaction to this based on such brilliant let's-do-the-sequel-over-two-motherfucking-decades-after-the-last-one-came-out examples such as Indiana Jones, Star Wars and whatever other bags of shit the Hollywood childrapers are responsible for bringing us, but Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis are SO dedicated to the source material that I can't see this turning bad.

One thing though: if there is even a whisper of aliens being included in the script...I will kill Dan Akroyd and that bee stung tubster Harold Ramis with my bare, throbbing erection.

The game is being released in conjunction with the Blu Ray version of the original Ghostbusters movie.

Teh w00t.

And finally, Philip and I were jabbering the other day and stumbled upon the fact that so many (all?) Prince lyrics could be adopted as mission statements, mottos, life lessons, religious tenants etc.

Here's a handful:

"If it breaks when it bends, you'd better not put it in."

"Look up in the air! It's your guitar!"

Call (in ecstatic, zealous tones): "You could be the President!"

Response (smug, dismissive): "I'd rather be the Pope."

"We don't have to make children to make love. And we don't have to make love to have an orgasm."

"I don't want to take my clothes off...but I've got to..."

Pick and choose, combine them all or find your own: if you take His words to heart, then you will truly be His Chosen.

But you can't touch people who aren't Jehovah's Witnesses.

Or at least I think that's how it goes.

There was a Jehovah's Witness working here when I started and she wouldn't touch ANYONE unless they were also Chosen.

Or maybe she was just a bitch.

For more information about the Church of Purple, go and watch Graffiti Bridge.

It's fucking horrible, but you get to see a "spiritual" Prince.

Warning: it's creepier than "normal" Prince.

That's all.

Go in Peace, to Love and Serve the Lord.

*sigh*

3.17.09

10:50pm

Heh.

Just overheard this at tonight's security briefing:

A resident was given a sleeping pill.

He was then allowed (by the same people who gave him this sleeping pill) to go, unsupervised, to the Smoke Room (where residents can smoke cigarettes).

About a half hour after this, a visitor contacted security and informed them that, as they were leaving the building, they shared an elevator with a resident in a wheelchair who appeared to be dead.

A few minutes later, security found this resident, as asleep as a human being can be, alone in the elevator, slumped over in his chair.

He had been alone, asleep on the elevator, for fifteen minutes.

The nurses on the floor admitted to giving him the sleeping pill and then leaving him to his own devices.

And nothing will happen to them.

Fubar uber alles.

Let's Get Inchoate

3.12.09
9:03pm

Sending out a Facebook thing in regards to this, so I'll just touch on it here.
THE INCHOATE TRILOGY IS NOW UP.

All right.
Just so.
In other news, I discovered today that Gorillaz is indeed releasing a third album.
That makes me all happy n stuff because, while it isn't always the best music, it's big fun getting lost in the mythos associated with the band.
I enjoy getting caught up in mythoses.
Mythoi?
Hm.

Since I last posted, I've finished Lost District and it made my very soul tired and cold.
Way to kill the sun, Joel Lane.
I then picked up and finished Alex Garland's The Tesseract which came very, very highly recommended by one Wade, Jessica AKA Deadpool AKA The Jesseract.
Although she was unable to recount a SINGLE REASON WHY, she insisted it was an excellent, brilliant, etc. book.
It was all right.
The ending was better than the beginning and that's a shame since the ending was about 9 pages.
I don't want to sound like I'm dissing her though; I want to make it clear that when certain people recommend books to me (namely those in the book business, people I know who have the same taste as me, people I know who actually write and write well or the occasional, mythic person who embodies all three of these traits in a wonderful Simpatico Smoothie) I expect them to be nothing short of amazing.
ESPECIALLY if they actually say the book they are recommending is, in fact, amazing.
Next on the docket is Diamond Age by Stephenson (recommended by Colin).
I think there were a few others floating around out there, but I'll need to check in with my tastemakers.

Saw Watchmen on Sunday.
That Ackerman chick needs to die.
Or just stop talking, whichever.
Yes, she had great breasts and a pert little tush, but a nice set and an picturesque bottom DO NOT a good actor make.
And the three and half minute bone scene do not make up for the rest the movie in which she is clothed and talking.
So few actors have what I call the Total Package.
I think it's just me and...well, Harrison Ford and me, that's it.
Don't hate us because we're beautiful.
LOVE us because we're beautiful.
You guys gotta get ORGANIZED.
FOCUS.
Other than her loud sucking throughout, I thought they did an all right job with this thing.
Rorschach was perfect.
Comedian was perfect.
If you nail those guys, you can afford some imperfections along the way.
But god damn I hated that chick.

Saw the aforementioned Terminator trailer with the NIN song in it.
Man I love hearing Nine Inch Nails on huge goddamn speakers...

Also started watching The Boondocks and Battlestar Galactica.
Enjoying both for different reasons.

Downloaded the third "volume" of Heroes because I liked the first and second just fine.
Might wait until I get tired of BSG (or al least fatigued) before I pick it up though.
BSG has my enjoying it at the moment, so I'll be happy to leave well enough.
Alone.

Also also watched the first season of the Britcom "Peep Show".
Of course I like it and, of course, only season one (of its four or five seasons) is on DVD here in the US.
Something about the main character Mark is very familiar and depressing.
He reminds me of me, somewhat, in high school.
Very depressing.
Very.

Happened to hear GNR's 'Estranged' on my iPod earlier this week.
Say what you will about Chinese Democracy (uh, yeah, I know I said I would give it another chance, but that hasn't happened yet) but they HAD IT back in the early 90's.
That song is just so everything-you-want-in-a-GNR-song song.
The fucking things is over NINE MINUTES LONG, there's at least three guitar solos, the chord progression is exactly what it should be, Axl counts off during it, he plays piano, he sing about water imagery, death imagery and death-in-water imagery.
It's THE DEFINITION of what a Guns N Roses song should be.
AND, it has a correlation with me.
Check it out...
So, the videos for Don't Cry, November Rain and Estranged form a triptych (at least according to MTV and Axl Rose.
Estranged was the final piece of the puzzle.The third and final installment.
Know anyone else that's recently finished a third and final installment of something?
I don't know.
Just symbolic, you know?
Not really, but, you know?
Come on, COME ON!

Yesterday was quite a talky day!
Had lunch with Jade (who is Aussietastic and was able to answer my question about how Australians in general feel with regards to Flight of the Conchords (enjoyment)), had an in-depth conversation about something or other with Colin which was interrupted, in the best sense of the word, by a call from Jeannie who I spoke to for quite some time after which I ate some very nice Chinese food, only to be interrupted AGAIN, by Philip chiming in my ears.
Very talky.
Spoke again with Mme. Radbill this evening and I hope to continue doing so.
She is one of the best and falling out of touch with her is always a bummer.

Anything else of note?
Mmmm....went to a party on Saturday.
It was....a party.
The hour disappeared while I was there.
Yep.
You COULD say the party was so good that it actually distorted the time/space continuum.
Although I would probably correct you.
And call you a fucking idiot.
But, hey, that's just me, not saying I would for sure, but also not saying I wouldn't.
Or something.
Ease up, hombre.

Ah, that triggered something.
Eels has FINALLY announced the new album.
It's called "Hombre Lobo: 12 Songs of Desire" and it's coming out June 2nd.
I'm ambivalent because I'm obviously excited for the new eels, but I'm also setting myself up for disappointment because the last eels album was this incredibly beautiful double album and this is only 12 tracks.
Who knows, maybe it will be 12 tracks of pure gold.
The same thing happened when NIN announced their first album after The Fragile.
BUT E has stated that he has another full album finished, so maybe he'll drop something before four more years have passed.

Along with the new eels, there's a new Manson album in the works coming out right before Hombre Lobo.
It has most of the production team from Antichrist Superstar, one of the only great Manson albums.
Could this be a return to form?
Maybe if Manson stops drinking so much goddamn absinthe.
This is the first album written with Twiggy in about ten years as well.
If Twiggy picked anything up from Reznor while he was with NIN, then this new Manson project just might be listenable.
How cool would that be?
Manson actually returning from this ridiculous nose dive he's been in for so many years?
Yowza.

All right.
That's it.
Go watch the Inchoate Trilogy.
And feel just awful about it.

The Inchoate Trilogy Trailer

Trailer is up here-->  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WhyH91E8vE
Also, relive my worst nightmares here--> http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PaulGuyet&view=playlists

NIN In FIlm

3.3.09

8:55pm

Warning: this post contains intense fan boy adulation for Nine Inch Nails and incessant exhortations for the reader to listen to their music.

You have been warned.

Found out Sunday that Nine Inch Nails' song "The Day The World Went Away" was going to be used in the new trailer for Terminator: Salvation.

I watched it yesterday and now I am writing this post.

Action...reaction...

The music was slightly edited here and there to make the quiet parts longer and the noisy parts more drummy (there are no drums in the original track) but it was clearly the song and it works very well with the imagery and subject matter in the trailer.

Like many people, I am planning on seeing Watchmen this weekend, and I am almost certain that this Terminator trailer was made to be placed right before it, just like the teaser was made to appear right before The Dark Knight (oh Warner Bros., you can just fuel space shuttles with your credibility right now, can't you? Will, can we get a new X-Prize in which the contestant harnesses the power of Warner Bros. credibility to make a rocket go someplace? Excellent.).

All this lead me to thinking about how effective Nine Inch Nails' music has been in pretty much every film/trailer I've seen it in.

Professionally speaking; I don't mean the "Mr. Self Destruct" video set to Fight Club footage or the "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" video set to Binding Silence footage (metaburn!!!!!1 580,000 plus hits meta burn!!!!!!1!!!!)

Ever since I heard my first Nine Inch Nails instrumental tracks on their Broken EP (the creepily suggestively titled "Pinion"-- which only works in full if you've seen the video for it, and the regrettably angstily titled "Help Me I Am In Hell"-- gasp! I'm so Goth I'm dusty...) I have enjoyed them.  It's easy to get your message across in a song with lyrics, you just say what you're trying to get across; but to express an idea or image or sentiment with only music, or in the case of Nine Inch Nails, sound? That takes talent.

On their next album, "The Downward Spiral", they had another instrumental called "A Warm Place" which was so disparate from anything NIN had done before, it shocked some people, even more so because it was sandwiched between a song called "Big Man With A Gun" in which Reznor is screaming about having a big dick and coming all over you, the listener, and "Eraser" which has about two whole minutes of Reznor screaming "kill me" over and over as his voice eventually gets swallowed by an ocean of dissonance. That's right, there was a mainstream artist in 1994 who knew the meaning of 'juxtaposition'.

Between "The Downward Spiral" and their next album which would come out five fucking years later, Reznor finally did what a lot of people wanted him to do: work on movie soundtracks.  Namely, Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers" and David Lynch's "Lost Highway".  Reznor produced both soundtracks and created new music for each.  His music appears more noticeably in NBK (a different version of "A Warm Place" and "Something I Can Never Have" are used at key moments in the film and the original track, "Burn", which was actually written by Reznor AFTER he had seen the rough cut of the film, appeared in the credits) but it works in "Lost Highway" as well. The track created for "Lost Highway", "The Perfect Drug", has one of the tightest Mark Romanek directed videos ever; it's Nine Inch Nails meets Edward Gorey on absinthe.
Trent Reznor's "Driver Down" appears at the end of the movie.

Those are the only notable Reznor soundtrack moments to date, but since then, people have used Reznor's music in films and trailers to excellent effect.

Specifically the AMAZING opening credits to David Fincher's Se7en. 

I'm actually kind of glad I didn't see this in theaters, because I probably would have made some terrible pre-adolescent stew in my pants.

Moving on.

Then, Tony Scott (Ridley Scott's brother, I think) had his brief love affair with Nine Inch Nails when he used some NIN music in The Fan (sort of effective, but a bit too "the song is describing what's happening in the scene" at times) and Man On Fire (much more effective and mature; Scott blended a few different songs together in one scene where Denzel attempts suicide.  Very powerful and disturbing).

Next occasion that I'm aware of was when the instrumental "Just Like You Imagined" was used in the trailer for "300".

This song is amazing and the way t was utilized in the trailer fucking blew everyone's mind.  If only the actual movie had been better.

But whatever, this isn't about the quality of the movie.

That trailer...good lord.

And that brings us to the Terminator trailer.

If you see Watchmen any time soon, you're probably going to see this trailer.

Tell me it doesn't work.

I guess the point of all this was to ponder out loud why NIN music just works so well in films and trailers.

I suppose it's the inherent cinematic nature of Reznor's music.

Although I'm partially convinced that the concept at the heart of this ponderance is stuff happening in time with music.

Man, am I ever a sucker for that.

If it's done well.

I'm not THAT easily impressed.

Seriously.

Anyway, after their tour with Jane's Addiction this summer, NIN is going on hiatus so Reznor can do more stuff (some not Nine Inch Nails related, some not even music related), hopefully some of which will relate to scoring films.

After Reznor released "Ghosts I-IV", the 38-track, two plus hour, double instrumental album (on which one track, "IV Ghosts 34" was nominated for the Best Rock Instrumental Grammy this year), he has proven himself able to score films that don't even exist, scoring films that do should not be much more of a stretch.

And here come those exhortations:

I urge you to check out "Ghosts I-IV".

It's five dollars here.

Not all of it is gold but a lot of it is really solid.

It's beautiful, creepy, funky, vulnerable, cacophonous and a lot of other adjectives.

If all you know of Nine Inch Nails is "Head Like A Hole" and "Closer", you're going to be surprised.

and I'm writing everything down in a spiral notebook...

3.2.09
4:36pm

This is some epic shit here, folks.
I have, after FOUR YEARS of passively working on it, finished the third and final installment of my short film cycle, The Inchoate Trilogy.
It is entitled Sextodecimo, and it will appear soon on YouTube.
But there will appear first the trailer I made for the trilogy Saturday evening.
It's part annunciation, part challenge and part mind fuck.
Just like me.

I finished filming the final segment (Finale) on Saturday with Chris as my special guest cameraman.
I jumped off the roof.
At some point, I am going to start submitting the three individual films (Taken From Me, Aphotic and the new Sextodecimo) to film festivals where they will either sweep or disappear utterly; with my work, there IS no middle ground.
Middle ground is for people who makes things that people understand and enjoy.
My work doesn't need approval or actors or dialogue or lighting.
It just needs.
It needs you.
And it will have you.
Body and mind and soul.
Give yourselves over...or be taken...roughly.

the end is NOW

Just now:

Watched "Hounddog".
Downer.

This Onion Makes You Cry HAPPY Tears!!!

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2.27.09

9:44pm

So, if you can believe this, every Thursday I have a ritual:

I walk down to 85th and Lexington and pick up a copy of the Onion.

I then read it when I get back to work.

I always have a blank e-mail open, addressed to myself in case something catches my interest.

This week, there is a new feature entitled "Gateways to Geekery" and while some of it didn't float my boat (The French New Wave) and some of it was trying to float a boat that was already floating (British Sitcoms), one entry just ran right up my gangplank.

Hard.

And that runner was Glam Rock.

Personally, I've never given too much of a shit about it, but the entry said that Ziggy Stardust was a good gateway.

I love Ziggy Stardust so it stands to reason that if any of the other stuff was like Ziggy Stardust there's a fair chance that I might enjoy that as well.

Plus, it's always good to get into new (for me anyway) music.

Mostly for myself, but also so I can spare my friends from having to hear me babble on and on about the same six bands (more so than I already do).

After Ziggy they recommended Roxy Music's self titled album, The Slider by T. Rex and Brian Eno's Here Come The Warm Jets (which is a wonderfully sinister title).

Now, I know Eno from his work with Bowie on Low and later 1. Outside and I'd heard of both Roxy Music and T. Rex (mostly from Chris), but I'd never (knowingly) heard any of their own stuff, so off to the Internets I frisked!

Thus far I have only listened to the first half of Roxy Music, but I am digging the hell out of it.

Something about the overwrought sense of drama appeals to me...for some reason...

I listened to one track from T. Rex (Metal Guru) and that also seems good, but I haven't even scratched the membrane of the surface.

Along with these I picked up The Lonely Island's Incredibad, which is the guys who do "Dick In A Box","Jizz In My Pants", "Natalie's Rap" and all the other stuff that is keeping SNL afloat these days.

Some funny goddamn shit on there as well.

I recommend "Normal Guy (Interlude)".

Also, and this makes me feel like a bit of a scumbag (I'm certain Kaitlyn would support this feeling), I grabbed the War Child Present Heroes charity album.

Okay, the worst part, worse than me basically stealing a charity album supporting children displaced by war, is that it isn't very good.

The idea is big, famous bands choose a band they like/respect to do a cover of one of their songs.

So there's Peaches doing "Search & Destroy" by Iggy Pop, Scissor Sisters doing "Do The Strand" by Roxy Music, TV On The Radio doing "Heroes" by Bowie and other stuff along those lines.

And none of them are great!

Some are good, but NONE are great.

I feel bad for these kids.

Well...worse.

Just finished watching the first season of Flight of the Conchords.

I didn't really dig it at first, but the show grew on me.

And some of those Musical Moments are achingly funny.

I'M NOW GOING TO ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD THE SECOND SEASON FROM OFF THE INTERNET.

Take that, HBO.

Needed to reshape my Netflix.

In the last delivery, I received, along with the second disc of FOTC and the remake of The Fly (really excellent, but something about Geena Davis...WAY too many teeth), The Seven Samurai.

That was in the first 20 or so movies I added to my queue three years ago.

So now:

Weeds

Big Love

Peep Show

and....some other series. 

I'm finding cable less amazing than I would have hoped.

That's probably my fault though.

I'm writing a semi-serious Lovecraft short story at Phil's urgings.

I figured, if he's a good writer, maybe he can make me a good writer by telling me what to write.

Just kidding.

I'm a great writer.

And a devil in the sack.

Not very tall though.

Diminutive.

Miniscule.

Tiny.

Dot.

I'M KIDDING AGAIN!

I'M VERY TALL!!!!

Also,Tumblr.

Or Tumbler.

Or whatever it's called.

It's YET ANOTHER PLACE TO POST A BLOG.

And, even though I hate hate hate when this happens, I may have to join it.

Not that anyone reads these.

Or not for very long anyway.

"What's he...what?! What the fuck is his deal?!"

CLICK

*sigh*

No one can handle my Truth.

Buncha weak vessels is all.

Stoked about the gifts I've made for Danielle for her Birthday.

On a scale of "1" to "10", I'd say they're "fucking amazing".

Just being honest.

"Head's up kittens, everything is bad
It's gettin' dark now, and it's the best dark I ever had"

That was on me today.

Not sure why.

Reading it.

At the moment:

Finished Cloud Atlas.

Really excellent book.

The stories inside twine together wonderfully in a way I've not seen before, either because I only read Bazooka Joe comic strips or because he's good at what he does.

I recommend it for people who like reading books.

Then I picked up Why We Suck (which was lovingly provided by one Danielle N. Stockley for mine Birthday) by Denis Leary.

Quite frankly, I was more impressed with his bile and vitriol and acid tongue when I was in 8th grade.

Not to say I'm not enjoying it, but I have to be in the mood.

Also, a book that warns you how offensive it is and guarantees that you're going to laugh "...a lot", really has to work harder than a book that's just, you know, funny.

It's that kind of posturing that makes my eye roll.

Like pep rallies or high school football.

I'd rather watch Rescue Me.

While I was darting in and out of the irascible miasma that is Why We Suck, I also picked up Snow Crash because I'd heard so much about this Neal Stephenson character, I wanted to see if he was worth it.

Oh my goodness is he.

Phil told me that I would freak out when I realized just how ahead of its time this book was and, misreading the copyright page, I did,totally, thinking that it had been written in the late 70's.

Turns out that was the date the cover image had been painted.

But, for this book to have been written in 1992 is right up there with Neuromancer and whenever that was written.

Overall, a great book, except for the PAINFULLY long library research/background information scenes.

It takes a great author to do crazy research and then pass the information subtly to the reader and that just was not the case in this book.

Whole chapters were cut and paste (or so it seems) from Stephenson's notes with the occasional "Go on", Hiro said, thrown in.

I don't care if it DID take place in some cool virtual library with a snarky hologram, it was goddamn boring and thicker than bad fudge.

But fucking Raven was the DEFINITION of badass.

Glass knives indeed.

Anyway, I just finished that yesterday and thought the ending was a bit abrupt.

I didn't need three more chapters, but maybe one.

Whatever the case, for a first book, it was tight like a duck on a drum.

Just yesterday I embarked upon Joel Lane's The Lost District, yet another literary boon from the Good Doctor Swarth.

I've just read the first three stories thus far, but I can tell this is going to be a cold and desolate ride.

Lane's settings are so bleak and monochrome that you can feel the tired, gray air emanating from these stories (I shouldn't really even call them stories; more like scenes form a worn down, broken world where things happen, sometimes, but never good things) and the rust under your fingertips as you turn the page.

Some of it actually evokes Cormac McCarthy (Blood Meridian and No Country For Old Men more so than The Road), but instead of the dry, scouring heat of the desert, it's the damp, dull chill of these nameless little towns and villages and districts in Britain.

Very lonely, cold stuff.

After this, one Miss Jessica Wade has provided me with The Tesseract by Alex Garland, which, if I remember correctly, is a final boss in Doom II, and, although she "can't remember anything about the book except that it's excellent and the writer is hot", I am very excited.

When book people give you books, ninety nine times out of a hundred, it's going to be the bee's knees: covered in cloying clumps of pollen.

I may also have two or three other things to be excited about coming up, but who the fuck knows until they're already over and done with?

"Not I" said the guy typing in the dark.

Not I.

Nonagon.

2.25.09

9:25pm

First off, today marks the ninth anniversary of my tenure as Happiest Man in the World.

I could be in for another nine, and then, possibly, another.

Check back in 2018 and then again 2027.

So, here's where other people in relationships aren't as cool as me and Chris: first off, they run out of stuff to do and say.

That sucks.

For them.

Secondly, one or the other or both is/are usually unable or unwilling or just afraid to express one's true feelings about one thing or another, and that leads to all typesa shit getting built up silently until one day just popping like a relationship pimple all over the rigid, tense facade and that leads to yelling and biting and punches in bunches, not hugs and pugs.

This doesn't happen in the Ball Pit of Love (that's what I call our relationship) where I've been thrashing about in ecstasy for almost the past ten years.

Thirdly, my chick is SO GODDAMN COOL!

Check this out: guy tells his girlfriend that this other chick is good looking.

Regular relationship: at best, an icy silence pervades the room; at worst, knife meets eye, blood blood blood, you'll never look at another girl again, cry cry cry.

MY gold encrusted platinum relationship: We talk together about how hot she is and how we can invite her over, drug her and have our way (together, as a couple...of rapists) with her.

Not really, but she actually encourages me not to repress my natural, human emotions!!!!

Take that, world at large!!

She's totally a super self realized woman BUT is still happy to snuggle!!

And she can cook, like, awesome food!

That's healthy!!

HEALTHY!!

And we have SO many nauseatingly cute little foibles and in jokes and whatnot that we make the Teletubbies romping with puppies look like an episode of Oz. 

One with graphic ass rape.

Honestly, this is moot.

There's no way I could explain how lucky I am or how perfect we be or how just fucking cool we are in words.

Just...be really jealous.

Don't try to comprehend the love we share, just...stagger at the sheer FORCE of it.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NOUF!!!!!

WOOOOO!!!!

I Am Waiting For A Bus

1.29.09

7:38pm

I have had a headache for over a week.

It comes and goes, but always, it is there...eating my brain like the Conqueror Worm.

I wish it was a tumor so I could just kill myself and get it over with.

Orgasms and generic ibuprofen seem to stave it off for a while though, so.

Next.

I have been seeing these new Pepsi ads that contain the new logo.

I'd like to repeat here some of the slogans without the eye-catching and very expensive graphic design that usually accompanies them:

"Sooooooweet"

"pop pop pop"

and

"Yo"

I enjoy that the first one kind of sounds like a pig call.

Someone was given a fucktoin of money to "design" these.

Fuck you and give me some.

Finally (FINALLY) had a really great moment today.

Last night, I found out about a Battleship audition today (they are re-re-reinventing the classic plastic-pegs-in-plastic-boats game) for which they were looking for a Don LaFontaine movie trailer voice.

In case you don't know who that is...well, you obviously haven't been watching TV, movies or listening to the radio for the last fifty years.

In a nutshell, he's the guy that people are imitating when they start off a faux movie trailer by saying "in a world..."

He was one of the highest paid actors (let alone voice actors) in the world and now he's dead.

Today, I was told that I sounded just like him in the audition and that I should have a future in his area.

That, is the coolest thing anyone in the business has ever said to me.

Now if only Milton Bradley will agree with this producer and give me summa dat CHEEEEZ.

Seeing They Might Be Giants on Saturday (Jess' first TMBG concert!) and Michael Ian Black on Sunday.

And I will drink my weight in blood...I swear it...

Out.