Nonagon.

2.25.09

9:25pm

First off, today marks the ninth anniversary of my tenure as Happiest Man in the World.

I could be in for another nine, and then, possibly, another.

Check back in 2018 and then again 2027.

So, here's where other people in relationships aren't as cool as me and Chris: first off, they run out of stuff to do and say.

That sucks.

For them.

Secondly, one or the other or both is/are usually unable or unwilling or just afraid to express one's true feelings about one thing or another, and that leads to all typesa shit getting built up silently until one day just popping like a relationship pimple all over the rigid, tense facade and that leads to yelling and biting and punches in bunches, not hugs and pugs.

This doesn't happen in the Ball Pit of Love (that's what I call our relationship) where I've been thrashing about in ecstasy for almost the past ten years.

Thirdly, my chick is SO GODDAMN COOL!

Check this out: guy tells his girlfriend that this other chick is good looking.

Regular relationship: at best, an icy silence pervades the room; at worst, knife meets eye, blood blood blood, you'll never look at another girl again, cry cry cry.

MY gold encrusted platinum relationship: We talk together about how hot she is and how we can invite her over, drug her and have our way (together, as a couple...of rapists) with her.

Not really, but she actually encourages me not to repress my natural, human emotions!!!!

Take that, world at large!!

She's totally a super self realized woman BUT is still happy to snuggle!!

And she can cook, like, awesome food!

That's healthy!!

HEALTHY!!

And we have SO many nauseatingly cute little foibles and in jokes and whatnot that we make the Teletubbies romping with puppies look like an episode of Oz. 

One with graphic ass rape.

Honestly, this is moot.

There's no way I could explain how lucky I am or how perfect we be or how just fucking cool we are in words.

Just...be really jealous.

Don't try to comprehend the love we share, just...stagger at the sheer FORCE of it.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NOUF!!!!!

WOOOOO!!!!