Dear Cablevision,
First off, I'd like to say thank you for the myriad opportunities you've extended to me.
I love that every time you have a new commercial that you think of me as a potential voice talent.
Secondly, I'd like to say, yes, you do offer a huge number of excellent services including Optimum Online, Optimum Voice and iO Digital Cable, all for only $29.95 a month! Wow! Seriously a great value.
And finally, I'd like to invite you to suck my fucking dick. I feel bad that you've offered SO MANY chances over these past five years for me to lend my vocal abilities to your numerous ad campaigns without having something in return to offer you. Well, I'm putting an end to that right here, right now. In fact, for just $29.95 a month you can suck my fucking dick wherever, whenever, and that's a promise I'll make to you, Cablevision.
To wrap up, Cablevision is a ridiculous name.
Thanks again,
Your Interesting, Intelligent, Not Announcery But With A Hint of A Smile Friend
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