Passing with flying colors...although one of the colors is brown.

The past week was the Hospital's annual visit from the State Department of Somethingorother and, just today, I was informed that we passed...except for the following issues, which were taken from the CEO's e-mail to everyone:

• MDS did not accurately reflect resident status (pertaining to dental)
• Care Plan not updated in a timely manner after a resident fall
• Documentation – refusal of care not documented for several days; vital signs were below set parameters
• Food in the kitchen was not stored in a sanitary manner to prevent foodborne illness
• Facility did not implement hand washing practices consistent with accepted standards of practice
• Facility did not ensure documentation accurately reflected resident condition

Can you guess which two I'm about to discuss?

Yes, numbers four and five.

In my eight years here I have never, ever, EVER eaten ANYTHING that came from the kitchen.

To do so would be to invite horrifying osmotic poops and screaming gastrointestinal nightmares.

And that is not my bag.

How is it that I know not to ingest such poison? Well, believe it or not, the reason is pretty closely linked to item five on the above list: because these scummy fucks in the kitchen don't wash their hands after handling their filthy genitals.

WHO DOESN'T WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER EXPELLING WASTE FROM THEIR BODY?!

Five year olds and the people that work here.

And I wouldn't eat food prepared for me by either.

One question though: how did the State know about these unsatisfactory hand washing conditions? Did they post people in the bathrooms? If so, my earlier question needs some refining: WHO DOESN'T WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER EXPELLING WASTE FROM THEIR BODY WHEN SOMEONE WITH A CLIPBOARD IS HANGING OUT IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOU??!?!?!?

Fucking idiots, friends, fucking...idiots.

*sigh*

Oh, and don't think that any of this stuff is going to be addressed or corrected...what happens now is everyone has a "we didn't get shut down" party...the food for which has been prepared by people with feces on their hands.

Bon appitit!

Switching gears to something that does NOT involve eating food tainted with fecal matter, right at this moment, one Philip Tucker and his blushing bride, Grace, are speeding their way to a new and better life here in the northeast, more specifically, Massachusetts.

I am beside myself with happiness and excitement with their advent.

Next step: get Virgin Galactic and NASA to open offices in New York and get Will and Diana over here.

Then we open an ice cream shoppe and watch the hijinks ensue!!!

All right, I'm through.

BUT, check this shit out, something positive about this weather: my hair looks amazing.

And you're jealous.