All Typesa Shit

4.29.09

3:29pm

Why the hell are copy machines so BIG?

Seriously.

8:04pm

Also.

Garbage's "Supervixen" is a very hot song.

While I was on the Subway about and hour and a half ago, I heard a new system announcement about giving pregnant women your seat (as if you really have assholes that massive and puckering that wouldn't).  It ended with the line "Stand up for what's right".

Now, I have always said that I will give my seat to two types of people, the pregnant and the super elderly (unless they get pushy and stare at me like it's my fucking job to make sure they're sitting, they can go fuck themselves until they die in like a week or whatever).  And when I say "super elderly" I mean the shaking, milky-eyed old fucks who aren't even aware they're on the Subway, not those GODDAMNED ANNOYING 60-somethings that bring with them that sense of entitlement, that unspoken declaration that I OUGHT TO (not should, but OUGHT TO) surrender (and don't misunderstand, when you give a 62 year old woman your seat you are indeed surrendering) my seat to them.

Anyway, that capper, "stand for what's right", just made me think of a scenario that will, most likely, never happen:

A pushy pregnant woman gets on the train, sees me, stands in front of me and then asks for my seat, quoting the PA's last line.  I look at her, her distended belly, smile and say, "How do I know you're baby won't grow up to be the next Hitler."

It was a long train ride, give me a break.

And.

Just started reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".

In the battle of Jane Austen Vs. Zombies, I am very sad to say that Ms. Austen is winning.

Not even zombies can make Jane Austen readable for me.

I am truly a heterosexual man.

Finally,

I got another booking today for tomorrow and there is an eels' line that's been bouncing around inside my head ever since:

"The psychic joy/of living in this world/is overwhelming me/again and again"

And I think I figured out why upbeat eels music is more powerful to me than upbeat other artists' music.

The fact that E as had SUCH amazing traumatic shit happen in his life and he is STILL ABLE to function just gives his upbeat stuff more weight and sincerity.

As in, if HE can go to sleep and wake up the next morning, I certainly can.

Beck has a lot of upbeat shit, but it can seem silly next to E's stuff.

Double ditto for TMBG.

Speaking of which, planning on seeing TMBG on Saturday, May 30th.

Anyone want to jump in my boat?

4.30.09
3:41pm

I...am all typesa tired.  It's a happy tired, a good tired, but a very tired tired nonetheless.  It's as if my soul had just had excellent, brain-shattering sex...with twins.

I woke at nine this morning (fuck you Daylighters, that's like waking up at 3am) and went to Chromavision (which is just as swathed in false grandeur as the name indicates) and recorded a radio spot for Tecate Light beer.  Which is, apparently, some kind of beer.

For the first time since the Burger King commercial, this was an actual script with me and this other guy, Matt, playing the roles.

It was just fun as hell and after a few takes, the guys in the booth (all six of them) wanted us to improv some stuff.  Man, did we improv.  Hopefully, this will be on the air in a few weeks and, even more hopefully, I will be able to get a copy and, if I'm lucky, some of the outtakes.  Afterwards, I had a boilerplate car insurance audition and it was...thrilling.  No wait...not thrilling is what  meant, but I sounded good and that's what the people up top pay no attention to.  In the bag, baby...in the bag.

There was a wonderful moment before the recording when I was standing on a corner, waiting for the light to change, alternately looking at the Flatiron and the Empire State Building; the weather was a perfect 60 something (not to be confused with the "60 something"mentioned in the previous post), the eels were telling me I'd better get out now or at least keep my eyes down, and everything was just Golden, you know?

God damn am I tired.

Unless I get mucho auditiones for manana, I plan to sleep lots this evening and tomorrow during the day, right up until 2ish.

Jub Jub.  

7:50pm

One final thing.

A few months ago, Britney Spears released a new album, Circus.  On it there was a track called "If You Seek Amy".  The chorus goes: love me/hate me/say what you want about me/but all the girls and all the boys/are begging to if you seek Amy.

Get it?

Eff yew cee kay me?

Fuck me?

Because people want to fuck Britney Spears?

Baby-bald vagina and all?

Yeah?

So, I was obviously shocked when today at Subway I heard, through my pop music-filtering headphones, the beginning of the song.  At first I thought, way to go America, loosening up you collective asshole, Obama 4 Ever, all right.  Then the chorus rolled around and something sounded a bit off.  Mind you, I was listening to a podcast and not really paying attention, but something snagged my ear.  I took off my headphones in order to hear it more clearly and here's what happened...they changed "if you seek Amy" to "if you see Amy".

Now, the chorus made very little sense to begin with, "begging to if you seek Amy"?  What the fuck does that mean?  But changing it to "if you see Amy" not only makes it complete and utter nonsense, but it removes what little teeth Britney (or whichever sweaty 50 year old pedo is writing her lyrics now) put into the song.  Britney, if you really think people want to fuck you, just get out there.  Lose the bodyguards and start fucking!  No one's stopping you but you!  You're willing to have your bare vagina lips photographed by complete strangers, why not put your money where your crotch is?  What are you, afraid?  And here I thought that EVERYBODY wanted to if you seek Ahew...

Quite frankly, when everybody wants to fuck you, you don't have to sing a song about that fact, you just know.

Trust me. 

You just know.