For The Greater Good

5.22.09

7:15 pm

Getting off the train today, I saw two morbidly obese people (a man thing and a woman thing) sitting at opposite ends of those uncomfortable wooden Subway benches that are basically a slab of wood with little wooden dividers ever two feet or so.  Each of them was occupying about two seats with the divider nestled snugly between the unspeakable oblivion of their respective ass cracks.

My first thought at seeing these...shapes filling out their clothes and just...BEING FAT was that they should marry and then try to have children so that they would both die mid-coitus, thus preventing them from multiplying and further fattening our already-bloated Nation.

Does that make me a bad person?

They were reeeeeeally fat.

Not chubby, portly, stout, porky, rotund, zaftig, chunky, swelled, callipygian or anything else; they were goddamn morbidly fucking obese.

These are the people you see in "America Is Obese" stock footage on the news, neck down only to protect their "dignity".

These are the type of people that left walking behind years ago as well as waddling.

They lumber.

They lumber like trees.

Sloppy, jelly trees.

That smell like butter tarts.

And have trouble breathing because you mentioned butter tarts to them and now they want butter tarts.

I also watched "The Prophecy" a night or two ago.

Christopher Walken as a killer angel...whew.

God would never make that mistake because He'd be killed within a week.

I'm sure I'm not the first to say so, but I believe "gleefully psychotic" describes Mr. Walken best.

But then I watch the video for Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" and things get...hm...muddled?

It's like a spell...

Anyway.

It had better not rain tomorrow...

Grrrr......