Things With Which I Am Currently Involved

Not bragging, I'm honestly losing track.

digressive_obscenity
The second wave of my podcast (which has been nominated for a Geekie Award) begins this Friday when episode eleven goes live. This time around, I'm not going with my original plan of "wait until ten episodes are recorded and edited" before releasing them, as there was a lot of down time between the recording of the first episode (early October) and its posting (late January). This time around, I'm going to interview, edit and release the episodes as soon as I'm able.
At this moment, three episodes have been recorded, three more are scheduled and then there are some wild cards which might or might not come to fruition.
You can head over to the tumblr site, or subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.
You can also follow digressive_obscenity on Twitter at @digress_obscene .

The Electromagnetic Theater
This is another podcast I'm doing, although it's more fitting to call it a radio play, I suppose. There are six episodes, each a different, fully dramatized short story/play and all but two feature me, sometimes as a main character, sometimes as a supporting character, always as the goddamned sexiest voice you've ever heard.
Always.
The website is here, where you can like and follow and snuggle and etc.
And, if you don't give a fuck about the website and just want the money Lebowski, you can skip the bullshit and go straight to iTunes.
There are a lot of talented people* involved in this and I hope you take a minute and check it out.

Just Super
Thanks to the wonderful that is Becca Kopec, I'll be starring alongside her, Jesi Mullins and Karen Bray in an original web series written by Mary Beth Walsh and Alan Kistler called Just Super. In a few weeks, we're going to shoot a trailer with One Glass Productions and then, soon after, a pilot. Then, it's your problem: we are going to be posting what we've got on Indie Go Go or Kickstarter in order to make this thing a reality.
It's going to be hot, sweaty, amazing stuff.
At the moment, you can follow us for updates on Twitter at @JustSuperSeries.

Target's "The Everyday Collection" radio spots
A while back, I did three radio spots for Mono's award-winning ad campaign and, lo and behold, they had me back in to do three more.
Just today, I booked two more spots for Canadian radio; recording next week and hitting the aiewaves sometime in August.

Zantac's new TV and radio campaign
Starting in August, I will be the voice of the new Zantac campaign. Not sure how much I can share at the moment, but I'll post stuff as soon as it's available.

Too Tall
Back in May, Philip Maniaci invited Ray Zablocki, Chris and myself to participate in the 24 Hour Film Race. After a crazy night of brainstorming and writing and not nearly enough sleep, we returned to the set and created something...epic. It's called Too Tall and he been selected as one of the top 24 films in the film race. It will not win because, frankly, the world is not ready to see what we have wrought.
You can have your mind blown here.
I also wrote the song (entitled "Egg Party") for the 80's party section.

Speakaboos
The iPhone and iPad apps are about to launch and I am all over this thing. I can't wait to share all the fun I've had doing these; this is the reason I got into the business in the first place: to do funny voices while people hand me money.
Just today, a new story that I narrated was posted, it is tender and sweet and all about sleep...just like me.
Check out "Night Boy".

NYSE
A whole bunch of commercials for the New York Stock Exchange just hit the more grown-up TV channels like CNN and Bloomberg and other things my father might actually see. And I voice them all. There might be more to come and, while they aren't the most fun...shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

McGladrey & CSX
I auditioned for both of these on the same day and in the same place. The original breakdown stated that "these scripts are tongue-twisters" and that "actors that can't handle that shouldn't waste their time". I was thrilled at the idea of actually doing tongue-twisters and was more than a little disappointed when I found out that the "tongue-twisters" were just grown-up words that I'd never said before. Financial stuff, intermodal railroad stuff. Yag. These kinds of VOs are pretty much just for the money. I'm not saying the people involved aren't all cool, because they are, I'm just saying that these aren't the fun ones I love.

AIA
Just recorded this this morning. Look, this isn't going to make sense to anyone who isn't a voice actor and I know my job isn't difficult in the traditional sense of the word; but this was a fucking tough one. The script was about 8 lines, none more than four words each and the clients, all six of them calling in at 11 am our time, 11 pm their time from Hong Kong, had me do the script fifty-five times.
In the end? They went with take ten. Look, we all have good days and bad days, and this was just exhausting.

Two more things
The first, I'm sad to say, probably is not happening and that is SUCH a huge bummer that you have no idea, but, the second one should be coming to light very soon; don't worry, I won't let you miss it.

Whew.
Okay, think that's it.
Now, here's some inner psyche shit: Chris thinks that I am doing well and that I should revel in that fact, but I know that one is only as good as their last job and I know how fast things can just stop.
So, while she is telling me to focus on the positives, I'm focusing on the dark patches between the sunshine.
I guess that's just me.
I don't like it, but, yeah, I guess that's just me.
Does that make me a pragmatist or a pessimist?





* Aside from just me, you guys!!!

Today's News

Earlier today, I had an audition that, based on the script, was for a company that manufactures and sells meaningful hugs.
The text was simple, short and just the way to start the week.
I then boogied over to Nutmeg here I recorded some really niche shit for folks who know about shipping things via trains. The company is called CSX and I said the words "intermodal rail transportation" more times than I would like to remember.
I'm talkin' to MAGNATES, PEOPLE!!!

So, that happened.

Then there is the new podcast I'm involved with, The Electromagnetic Theater. It launches on July 1st and will release one episode per week for...five weeks? Of the five episodes, I believe I'm in all of them in some capacity or other.
Think...radio plays...

As for MY podcast, digressive_obscenity, two episodes of the second wave have been recorded, one of which has been edited and, at the moment, four more are scheduled, with one or two more still in the works. Very exciting stuff...maybe.

Then, there is media!!!!!

I have since finished Remember Me and, while the game was way too short, in my opinion, I did enjoy myself. I'd like to see what they'll do with a sequel set in the same world, this time with a lot more remixing of memories, perhaps with a bit more subtlety.

Alongside that, Chris and I are now four episode out from the end of the new season of Arrested Development. While things have gotten much, much better (thank you Maria Bamford, Ben Stiller and Tommy Tune(!)), there is now almost too much going on, although I'm sure they'll find some strange way to wrap things up. Seeing as everybody seems to want a fifth season, I'm hoping that'll happen...within this decade. Honestly, I think it was just the shock of watching season three and going right into season four, when all these people are suddenly ten years older. It's like that scene from Flight of the Navigator when the kid meets his family and they are all hella old.
By which I mean to say, creepy.
Very creepy.
The things freaking me out the most are how thick David Cross' neck has gotten and how less hot Portia De Rossi is.
Also, the best episodes are those that focus on Gob.
This is not an opinion, this is truth.

Other than that, there are mung beans.

Media Salve

This weekend...aside from almost wrapping up my second audio book...I just soaked myself in media...

Chris and I finished the third season of Walking Dead...Spoilers!!!...the fact that they are stretching out the Governor plot line gives me a sinking feeling that they've kind of run dry for season four...despite the, literally, hundreds of issues of the graphic novel that are out.
I'm very happy that Andrea has finally shuffled off this mortal coil as she was just retarded this season.
"Muuuuh, mebbe I can haz help the Gubberber be nice and gud agen!!!! Fistanks full up HEDZ?! Naw...no warning signs there..."
Idiot.
Glen and Maggie getting married?
Meh.
Zombie fodder you have an emotional attachment to is still zombie fodder.
Carl losing every shred of his soul?
Now THAT is good* TV! And, when he called out his father for being a pussy and not doing what was best for the group?
Nice.
Seriously though, they could have killed the Governor, like, six times before THEY LOST HIM.
Ugh.

Never mind.
We also took in the remake of Total Recall.
Pretty solid.
Really cool design and future stuff. Didn't hate Jessica Biel. Lens flares used abundantly yet appropriately, J.J. I'm looking at you...
I liked the nods here and there to the first movie and was totally okay with the fact that Mars had NOTHING to do with anything.
Also, Bryan Cranston: elect him President than have him punch some guys.
On the whole, I liken this to the remake of Judge Dredd which I squirted over recently.
Mindless, yet well done action, cool future design etc.
If any of you saw TR and dug it, you'll probably dig Dredd.

Finished the fourth season of Archer in, what, two days?
More.
More, more, more.
And Jon Hamm was amazing.

Also watched the Comedians of Comedy Live thing on Netflix. Actually cried with laughter during Eugene Mirman's set.
I need to see him so I can feel emotions again.

Rewatched The Talented Mr. Ripley since the first time I saw it in theaters with Jeannie in Miami.
Very solid. Although Jesi Mullins and I discussed later on how neither of us get Paltrow as the most beautiful anything in the world. She's just too plain. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but, come on, the world is pretty freaking big.
Don't know if I've straight up come out and said this but: I enjoy Matt Damon.
I'm going on record.
I enjoy Matt Damon.
I also think Jude Law did a great job as a vain, overprivileged asshole.
And he has a great ass.
Unless that was a body double, in while case, shame on you, Jude.
Shame.
Tease.
Oh, and, Philip Seymour Hoffman!
I love to hate you!!!

Then, I finally got around to watching the RZA's movie, The Man With The Iron Fists.
Wow.
Wow wow wow.
This film is made of two things: kung fu and ridiculous.
He finally got to make his kung fu movie and holy fucking god shit does it deliver.
It is EXACTLY what you would expect from RZA, Tarentino and Eli Roth.
Seriously.
Think of what a kung fu movie made by these three would consist of and you have thought of this movie.
Oh, but first, add Russell Crowe as an oversexed, opium addicted government agent/assassin.
There you go.
Now you have thought of the movie.
Something interesting that I picked up on...there is hilariously graphic violence in this, violence to rival and overcome that which was seen in the Kill Bill films, but, although there is a whorehouse (run by a fucking bad ass Lucy Liu who comes equipped with a fucking blade fan), there is no nudity whatsoever.
There is a comment here...somewhere...I don't know where and I don't quite know what...but there is a comment there...
Maybe something about how violence is more commonplace and accepted than boobs.
Which is dumb.
I'd rather watch boobs than violence any day...then again, if Chris came home and saw me playing a video game that consisted of boobs rather than horrendous violence...actually, I have no idea how that would go down...
Let's move on.
Check out The Man Etc Fists.
It's just stupid great.
...and they're hoping to do a sequel!!!!!

Going back to horrendous violence for a moment, since I returned from the honeymoon, I have been digging into my pile of purchased yet unplayed video games.
I have finished Metal Gear Rising on both easy and normal and when I tried to play it on heard, I realized, once again, that I am not good at video games.
I think I might be finished with that game.
My time with it was short and mostly enjoyable, although it felt way too short to be a real Metal Gear game. I enjoyed the characters and story and all that, but, yeah, there needed to have been more Kojima-ness.
I might run through it once more, just to see if I missed anything (codec conversation whore...right here) and, although the first piece of DLC was panned, I might check that out as well.
I'm not really ready for the game to be over, I suppose...especially since the next real Metal Gear game isn't coming out for years.
One thing I will say: when you take out a fucking Metal Gear Ray with nothing but a SWORD and your massive balls in the fucking TUTORIAL?
Nice.

Aside from MGR, I jumped into Bioshock Infinite a few weeks ago and, while it is still just a god damn FPS, the story is SO intriguing...parallel universes have been introduced and I have been to three (that I know of) at this point. Have not finished it yet but I am wildly excited to do so.

By that time, Remember Me should be out and then The Last Of Us is right around the corner...even though I have a solid stack to make my way through along with those...sheesh.

BUT I have not just been soaking my balls in media since I got home!
I am one recording and editing session away from completing my second audio book, which will be released as a 13-part podcast before normal distribution as a complete work on the retail sites (Amazon, Audible, iTunes). Very, very excited for you to hear this.
It's hot.
Like...sexy hot.
So, if you've ever wanted to hear me read a sex scene...yeah...his one is for you...and decidedly not for members of my family.
So, do me a big up and don't mention this one to them.
Much thanks.

Also on this front, in eleven days, I shall pick up my brand new iMac from the Apple Store, at which point I shall install the new ProTools and begin the second wave of digressive_obscenity.
Why, you ask? Is it, perhaps, because of the thunderous response I received from my first wave of episodes?
Not at all! As far as I can tell, maybe 15 people have listened to said episodes! I'm doing this because I have a lot of fun and, as it turns out, its pretty easy to get in touch with the publicists for the bands/artists that you really like.
So, hopefully, the second wave should have a bit more...mass appeal, but, if it doesn't?
Fuck it.
I still have cool and interesting friend with whom I want to talk about things...and stuff...and boobs...

Aside from all this media-ball-soakage and DIY fame and fortune hunting, I'm also about to show up on a different podcast AS TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! It's called Electromagnetic Theater and it should be up soon...I'll keep you posted.
Then there's the Speakaboos iTunes app, which should (hope hope hope) be launching at the end of May if everything goes well. I am ALL OVER Speakaboos.
Then, more Target radio spots starring me and my sexy voice mouth, plus a huge thing that might or might not happen!!!
HUGE!!!
MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT!!!!
And, as mentioned at some point before, we are finally commencing with shooting the pilot for Becca Kopec's web series, Just Super, in which I will wear a trenchcoat and might (OR MIGHT NOT!!!) be a pervert.

Whew.

Such busy!!!!!!
Such busy is me!!!!!!!
WOO WOO!!!!!!





* Read "horrifying and sad"

Beer. At Nine In The Morning

Just received word from my panicked agent that I booked a Bud Light voice over for tomorrow morning...at nine...in the morning...A.M.
It has something to do with March Madness, which, I think, is some sort of fungal rash, typically found around the genitals, specifically the anus region; like Athlete's Foot, but with more hives and burning and stink.
I'M JUST KIDDING!!!
I KNOW ALL ABOUT MARCH MADNESS!!!
It's when basketball fans act even more obnoxious and vicarious than usual.
And I am about to get paid ca$h money to rile them up even further...
This must be what Satan feels like.

Aside from beer, just yesterday I was called back in to do some more recording for Carrabba's, a chain of Italian restaurants that are better than Olive Garden.
10% of the time was spent actually recording while the other 90% was spent eating Goldfish and talking with the engineer, J.D. about how great this industry is and that someone in the industry can never complain to someone not in this industry about the industry or we'll sound like assholes.
Overpaid assholes.
Overpaid assholes who don't do nearly enough for what we are being paid.

On Thursday, both the 14th (Pi Day!!!) and the 21st, I have EVEN MORE SPEAKABOOS!!!!
The last time I was in, I did a villain, finally, although not an evil one, a repentant one...with a goo wand...

And, on Monday, I have another session with Target recording an introduction and breakdown video for their Everyday Collection campaign so they can submit the spots to awards and stuff...so...bacon.

All this and I'm about halfway through recording my second audio book. Thank the bleeding lord Jesus it's only a fraction of the size of Grind Show and that the longest recording session I've had has been just over an hour. I need to fucking soundproof my home...

Along with all this, Chris and I watched that Netflix series, House of Cards which wasn't as bad as one might expect for being an original series on Netflix and the second season of American Horror Story.
Four words: Ian McShane. Holy fuck.

Then there is the wedding.
May I just go on record as saying that Chris has done about 97% of the work?
Thank you.

We're stressed and dying and getting there and it's going to be awesome, but, before it's awesome, it's massive brain and butt fuckery; financially, emotionally and physically.

The podcast is going strong.
But it could go stronger.
You lazy, fucking assholes.
Go here and listen and subscribe and rate and review my shit*.
Then, go here and appreciate all the fucking work I put into the style of my fucking podcast.
Fuck.

I completed Dead Space 3 and didn't think it was as horrendous as everyone else did.
As soon as I have some time, I have, literally, eight games just waiting to be played.
I think I shall start with Metal Gear Rising.

I'm finished.





* Favorably, you fucking dicks.

TARGET ACQUIRED. AGAIN. ME. THEY ACQUIRED ME. AGAIN.

Specifically for the first ever Tweet-To-Runway Show which took place earlier today.
It's a part of their Everyday Collection ad campaign (for which I do their radio spots; you may have heard them if you use Pandora...I sex it up regarding tomatoes, bacon and Any'Tizers...whatever the hell those are...).
My job was to read the tweets of people tweeting about everyday things and to then comment on said tweet then invite them to participate in said show.
You can check out all my sexy voice mouthing here: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL49VV18KYYONnSB-If_Tj0KDe4-5TTU8y

Also, I discovered yesterday that one of the last remaining members of Coil, Danny Hyde, has finished some music that was started years ago and intended to close the Moon's Milk releases.
Long story short, when I ordered this new music, I received a thank you e-mail from Hyde, so, obviously, I took the opportunity to tell him how great his stuff is, about the Coil Review Project AND about the fact that I just interviewed Chris Vrenna (who he had worked with during his time remixing for NIN) and that we had discussed Coil at length.
He wrote back saying that he was thankful and that he'd be interested to hear what Vrenna told me about working with Coil.
Bottom line: I'm going to try to get Danny Hyde...of Coil...on my fucking podcast.
I have...so many questions.

And, speaking of my podcast (digressive_obscenity, subscribe and I'll give you a candy!), after some bloodcreaming battles with iTunes and servers and feeds and fucking SATAN HIMSELF, everything looks to be in order for the release of the first episode on Monday, and the subsequent release of each episode after that, on each subsequent Monday.
Worst case scenario, you'll be able to listen and/or download it from the tumblr site but not iTunes at first.
I'm very proud of what I've done here and I look forward to sharing this with you and recording more.
Thanks to the handful of folks who participated in the first wave of episodes.

And...that's it.
Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and then, Saturday, the party to celebrate my birthday.
It's going to be laid back and pizza and pajamas.

Just like me.

Digression: check! Obscenity: check!

Last night, I masticated Dan Delgado for my upcoming podcast, digressive_obscenity, and it went EVERYWHERE.
And, not only that, but it went EVERYWHERE FOREVER.
By the end, my ProTools was hemorrhaging HW buffer clocks and RF data blips like...something that does that.
We clocked in at about two and half hours.
HOT.

Here are three topics we discussed:

1. Hand-crafting boxes in which people can grow lettuce
2. The movie A Serbian Film (considered as bad or worse that the Human Centipede films)
3. Collecting teapots

Also, I know I've only had four people on thus far, but Dan's Zombie Apocalypse Escape/Survival Plan was SO detailed...

I think I've decided how I'm going to release these, as sitting down at a set time every week with someone and then editing and releasing them on a set schedule doesn't really work for me; I'm going to try doing this in waves.
Once I have ten edited episodes ready to go, I'll release that wave, one episode at a time every week until I'm out.
Then, more people, more episodes, more waves, etc.
So far, this has been a lot of fun, and now that I have my free time back, I can focus on this thing for a while.
Such good.

This week has been a bear with a gun, and I'm ready for its end.

Let's Get Sloughy!

Slough.
Fistula.
Rectourethral.

These were this weeks' buzz words here at the Hospital with Jen. I believe all three can be made sexy if spoken huskily enough, a task I am more than happy to accept.

...fiiistulaaa...

I believe that "slough" is the most disgusting onomatopoetic word there is, although I'd be happy to discuss this.
No?
All right then.

I've had THREE acts of Subway fuckery in THREE days and I'm ready to fill the tunnels with the screams of the children of those that run the MTA. And each time they broke it off in me, I was in a car full of their self-aggrandizing, "cute" ads for how great they are and how smoothly things run because of them.
Oh such rage...such impotent, impotent rage...
How is it that I have NEVER, ONCE had a Subway meltdown?
More often than not, I'm pressed against some unwashed fucktard, covered in sweat and told by some chipper robot that "You're going to be fifteen minutes late just because! Eat a dick and then pay us $100 a month for the privilege and the pleasure, cuntface!"
Hm.
Maybe, all this rage I've been swallowing my whole life is what has made me so tall.
I'm made of rage.
Awesome.

Moving on, the last three days (technically two days, but it was going to be three days) have been thick.
Wednesday at 9:15 in the morning (which can be converted to 3:15 in the morning for everyone with a 9 am to 5 pm job) I had to rise and be acting until I then went to work. Which was awful. Then, that evening, I carried out my second digressive_obscenity recording with Will, which went excellent after a ten or fifteen minutes false start due to shitty audio, but, aside from having a great session, I have now figured out how to patch in anyone with an iPhone, thus solving the problem of interviewing anyone who isn't in the room with me. Once November rolls around and my schedule clears a bit, I'll focus on DO and really get things swinging. I spent the past few days working on some transitional music and also on creating some art for the podcast, mostly with some glitch art apps. Some really cool looking stuff coming soon.

The next morning I was up early for an audition that well very well...no...an audition at which I, personally, sounded really good. Yeah. So, we'll see.

Then, I was to be up hella early this morning to shoot the FINAL episode of Unker & Physia after rerecording some stuff for TransPerfect on my home rig as well as some silly audition of Target, but, thanks to rain, I slept about ten hours.
Which I needed.
It's hard to be good at acting with such little sleep...
And now the only day we have left to shoot that final episode is the day that I might be booked to record something, so...fuck.

All right, enough of that.

Yesterday, the new tweaker album, call the time eternity, was posted on Revolver's web site and last night I listened to it.
And now I'm really sad.
I'm going to spend more time with it, maybe try a headphones/versus speakers comparison but...yeah, as of right now, I'm really sad.
God damn it.

This weekend will be spent killing the shit out of some more zombies (but only for a fraction of the time spent killing the shit out of zombies a few weeks ago), and finishing the decorations for the Halloween party. I think, for ONCE, Chris and I will have this thing ready before the actual party begins next Saturday.

Then, on the 30th, I shoot my stuff for the pilot of Becca's webseries, then two days of rehearsal for Electromagnetic Theater (radio show/podcast thing) then two days of recording that weekend.

Then, I am fucking done.

Nothing to deal with except for my wedding.
Oh.
Oh shit.

Just kidding, it's going to be awesome and Save the Dates just went out so that's all good.
Again, cannot wait for my schedule to clear up.

Go.
Be free.

Some Movies I've Watched Recently

This post is about rough, throbbing, wet sex.

Just kidding, it's about some movies I've watched recently.

First, I finally watched Super 8, and, aside from admiring the solid child actors, I really didn't give much of a shit about it. Who knew that Spielberg and Abrams would make such a bland pudding?

Next, Chris and I watched Cronenberg's Videodrome, which I had never seen.
Wow.
Wowy wowy wow.
Cronenberg.
W the fuck.
This man can get your attention and hold it, I will say that. He can also provide a juicy bag of nightmares for anyone who watches his films. I was saddened to hear that his latest film was a wash.  I'm probably going to take another look at Existenz as I remember it was pretty awesome. And maybe Crash. The good one. With the leg-wound coitus.
Also, how did the FCC not have a problem with Dave Matthews saying repeatedly in the 90's that he wanted to "come into" that woman? I mean...that's pretty racy. They censored the word "gun" in music from the 90's, but you're allowed to come into people?
What up, double standard?
And speaking of Dave Matthews, have you noticed that his songs are all about fucking or drugs or murder? I saw him in concert with Will on his tour supporting "Before These Crowded Streets" and neither of us knew what the big deal with having his violinist sing was. We didn't pay for that. Play your fucking violin.

Put in a lot of work on Unker & Physia this morning before work. Re shot some stuff that got messed and then did a bunch of bumpers and little things that turned out pretty great. The final U&P shoot for a while is set for Friday morning...if we can find that special lady...the lady that Unker is going to fall in love with...
After the shoot this morning, work. I'm going to have to face the shattering fact that, not only is Jen going to be gone from this place in a matter of weeks, but that she is never going to work here because of some really horrible people she has come into contact with. One really horrible person anyway.
And it isn't me.
Asshole.
Once I get home (in about an hour or so), the second digressive_obscenity podcast shall be recorded.
This time it is one of my best friends, Will (the guy I saw the DMB with).
I'm going to do my best to have this be something that he is proud to have his full name on.
Well...not proud.
But at least he won't plead for anonymity, as with BTR.
Oh, shit, BTR...
I forgot to mention that Andy Omega (one half of the Bookend Tiger Radio Dynamic Duo) has up and fucking moved from the L.A. to the N.Y.C.! So, this means two things: one, there will be a delay in the posting of my return to BTR and, two, the next bunch of BTR will be recorded at my very own DO studios...maybe. Fingers crossed.
Mofo visits New York for a week then pulls up stakes and freaking moves here.
I love his balls.
No homo.

Done.

building