Things With Which I Am Currently Involved

Not bragging, I'm honestly losing track.

digressive_obscenity
The second wave of my podcast (which has been nominated for a Geekie Award) begins this Friday when episode eleven goes live. This time around, I'm not going with my original plan of "wait until ten episodes are recorded and edited" before releasing them, as there was a lot of down time between the recording of the first episode (early October) and its posting (late January). This time around, I'm going to interview, edit and release the episodes as soon as I'm able.
At this moment, three episodes have been recorded, three more are scheduled and then there are some wild cards which might or might not come to fruition.
You can head over to the tumblr site, or subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.
You can also follow digressive_obscenity on Twitter at @digress_obscene .

The Electromagnetic Theater
This is another podcast I'm doing, although it's more fitting to call it a radio play, I suppose. There are six episodes, each a different, fully dramatized short story/play and all but two feature me, sometimes as a main character, sometimes as a supporting character, always as the goddamned sexiest voice you've ever heard.
Always.
The website is here, where you can like and follow and snuggle and etc.
And, if you don't give a fuck about the website and just want the money Lebowski, you can skip the bullshit and go straight to iTunes.
There are a lot of talented people* involved in this and I hope you take a minute and check it out.

Just Super
Thanks to the wonderful that is Becca Kopec, I'll be starring alongside her, Jesi Mullins and Karen Bray in an original web series written by Mary Beth Walsh and Alan Kistler called Just Super. In a few weeks, we're going to shoot a trailer with One Glass Productions and then, soon after, a pilot. Then, it's your problem: we are going to be posting what we've got on Indie Go Go or Kickstarter in order to make this thing a reality.
It's going to be hot, sweaty, amazing stuff.
At the moment, you can follow us for updates on Twitter at @JustSuperSeries.

Target's "The Everyday Collection" radio spots
A while back, I did three radio spots for Mono's award-winning ad campaign and, lo and behold, they had me back in to do three more.
Just today, I booked two more spots for Canadian radio; recording next week and hitting the aiewaves sometime in August.

Zantac's new TV and radio campaign
Starting in August, I will be the voice of the new Zantac campaign. Not sure how much I can share at the moment, but I'll post stuff as soon as it's available.

Too Tall
Back in May, Philip Maniaci invited Ray Zablocki, Chris and myself to participate in the 24 Hour Film Race. After a crazy night of brainstorming and writing and not nearly enough sleep, we returned to the set and created something...epic. It's called Too Tall and he been selected as one of the top 24 films in the film race. It will not win because, frankly, the world is not ready to see what we have wrought.
You can have your mind blown here.
I also wrote the song (entitled "Egg Party") for the 80's party section.

Speakaboos
The iPhone and iPad apps are about to launch and I am all over this thing. I can't wait to share all the fun I've had doing these; this is the reason I got into the business in the first place: to do funny voices while people hand me money.
Just today, a new story that I narrated was posted, it is tender and sweet and all about sleep...just like me.
Check out "Night Boy".

NYSE
A whole bunch of commercials for the New York Stock Exchange just hit the more grown-up TV channels like CNN and Bloomberg and other things my father might actually see. And I voice them all. There might be more to come and, while they aren't the most fun...shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

McGladrey & CSX
I auditioned for both of these on the same day and in the same place. The original breakdown stated that "these scripts are tongue-twisters" and that "actors that can't handle that shouldn't waste their time". I was thrilled at the idea of actually doing tongue-twisters and was more than a little disappointed when I found out that the "tongue-twisters" were just grown-up words that I'd never said before. Financial stuff, intermodal railroad stuff. Yag. These kinds of VOs are pretty much just for the money. I'm not saying the people involved aren't all cool, because they are, I'm just saying that these aren't the fun ones I love.

AIA
Just recorded this this morning. Look, this isn't going to make sense to anyone who isn't a voice actor and I know my job isn't difficult in the traditional sense of the word; but this was a fucking tough one. The script was about 8 lines, none more than four words each and the clients, all six of them calling in at 11 am our time, 11 pm their time from Hong Kong, had me do the script fifty-five times.
In the end? They went with take ten. Look, we all have good days and bad days, and this was just exhausting.

Two more things
The first, I'm sad to say, probably is not happening and that is SUCH a huge bummer that you have no idea, but, the second one should be coming to light very soon; don't worry, I won't let you miss it.

Whew.
Okay, think that's it.
Now, here's some inner psyche shit: Chris thinks that I am doing well and that I should revel in that fact, but I know that one is only as good as their last job and I know how fast things can just stop.
So, while she is telling me to focus on the positives, I'm focusing on the dark patches between the sunshine.
I guess that's just me.
I don't like it, but, yeah, I guess that's just me.
Does that make me a pragmatist or a pessimist?





* Aside from just me, you guys!!!

Spongebob Drinks Bud Light While Transporting Goods Via Rail For Business

Mulch.
My body feels wrapped in mulch.
Wet, dirty, hot mulch.
But I smell fine.

Morning started with me waking up BEFORE I WANTED TO FUCK YOU GOD FOR THIS.
Then a shower (the result of which was undone and soaked in sweat mere minutes later), then out to my busy day.

First, a trip to Nutmeg to audition for some powder dry industrial for some company that...hm...you know? I have no fucking clue. The text was all about "we have a code and it helps us help our clients. With the future and business and plans and future business and our clients" it didn't actually say what, exactly, the fuck, it is that they do.
It would be awesome if this place (McBladders? MacLadders?) was just a shell company for Hustler or something.
Hustler shows you the insides.
After I read that thing with all the warm, supportive hugs my voice could muster, I tackled the script for the CXS Rail Transportation Navigator.
And it does exactly what it says it does.
Remember some months ago when I stupidly agreed to read about four hours worth of Dell Cloud shit for investors? The thing where I had to say words that I knew were words, but that's I'd never spoken before?
This was not nearly as bad as that, so I was easily able to make it sound like I knew what the fuck I was talking about.
It's called voice acting, folks...and I'm good at what I do.

After that, I headed over to Just Voices where I had a wonderful chat with Roger about the wedding and how nothing (to my neverending shock and delight) got fucked up and then I read a bunch of lines in my 75-80% Spongebob Squarepants voice.
I feel pretty comfortable about it, but, who knows?
CERTAINLY NOT I!

Next, my last minute session for Bud Light...for which I was already 12 minutes late (something runs two minutes late, then you miss a train, then something else runs five minutes late etc.).
This took place at a studio on Varick called White House and I don't think I've been to a swankier set up...well...the offices were swanky, the booth, not as much.
But, god DAMN this industry is doing just fine.
I drank two wine bottles full of water (I tend to perspire), jumped in the booth and did this intense read, then a less intense read, then a different kind of intense read, then some wild lines, then another read with more wonder, less anger and then, they decided to just go with my very first read, no edits, no nothing.
"One Take Jake" they called me, but I corrected them and told them my name was Paul, so it would be "One Take Paul".
And we laughed.

Then, without nothing but my iPod and the sodden clothes on my back, I set out for work where I sit now as the horrible beast slowly chews its way through my door, drawing sluggishly yet inexorably closer to mine form, just inches away now! If only I could flee, but nay, I just record these events in case of
You get it.
Lovecraft was silly.
Yeah.

Aside from all this, I have been informed by the Powers That Be Philip Maniaci, that "Too Tall" (the recent 24 Hour Film Race entry on which I worked) will be available for public consumption around June 6th.

And I will probably be able to scratch up a link.
But it'll be a secret...just for you...
shhhhhhhh...

Script writers! A moment of your time!

I'd like to take a moment to talk about writing and the evolution of an idea.

During the recent 24 Hour Film Race for which I wrote, the original idea for our script centered around this:

But. after a few hours of tinkering and too many chefs in the kitchen, it became this:



The moral?

Be true to yourself and your artistic vision, otherwise you will never get to see a penguin fuck a butterfly princess on camera.

Don't dream it.

Be it.

Time Travel Mother Fucker

Over the weekend, while my two close friends, Lisa and Alan, were getting hit with cars, I took part in a 24 Hour Film Race with Philip "The Maniac" Maniaci, Ray "The Maniac" Zablocki, my lovely wife, Christina "The Maniac I Married" Bryant, many others and a dude named Nestor L. Marmol.
The guidelines were announced at 10 pm on Friday the 17th (theme: time travel, prop: an egg, action: crumpling a piece of paper) while Ray and I were in a car on our way to the location (Castle Braid in Bushwick, Brooklyn), and, after meeting most everyone who we'd be working with, Phil, Ray, Cecilia and I came up with, to be totally modest, some really fucked up shit.
At 3:30 am or so, the script was locked and we returned to our respective places for sleep, in my case, two and a half hours thereof.
I met Ray in front of his place the next morning at 7 or so and we headed back over to Castle Braid.
Shooting began around 10 am with me and my lovely co-star, Cayla Buettner, together in bed.
It was totally not scandalous!!!

Then, things progressed through the day, bleary and blurry, until we wrapped at just after 8 pm.
Then, those poor bastards had to edit this pile of gooey brilliance into something a normal human could comprehend.
As there was, at one point in the film, a dance party, I whipped up some music and, after I arrived home, threw in some ridiculous lyrics and sent the whole thing over to Phil, who dropped it, as if it were hot...
Late on Sunday night, we all got the link and...well, you'll see the results soon.

Needless to say that I am very proud of what everyone was able to put together for this and I'm just floored by the resulting film.

It's called Too Tall and has several lines of dialogue addressing the size of my penis.

And I cannot wait to show it to you.

Stay tuned.