5.24.10
4:44 pm
You know...bees aren't really busy.
They just like to rub up against flowers.
So...busy as a bee really makes no sense.
So...stop saying it, as you are misrepresenting an entire species.
Are bees a species?
Ben Kingsley was in Species.
But he was also in Gandhi.
And Sexy Beast.
I feel like I've mentioned this before...
First things first, remember that I had said I had two songs on the bubbler?
Well, one of them was "BAILY", which more people need to hear and the other went from about 35% done to 75% done this weekend.
And it is my magnum motherfather opus.
I know I tend to...hyperbolize occasionally, NO!
NO , it's true, don't try to say it's not, I beg you...
But, there is not a hyperbolic bone in my body when I say that this song might be the best thing I've ever made.
And, like, sometimes I'll say "best" meaning, like, not REALLY the best, but more like...you know...not very god, you know?
But this is the true best.
Okay, I'm not reinstalling all the hyperbolic bones.
Ouch.
The was the most painful thing I HAVE EVER FELT EVER!!!!!!!!!!
There we go.
Aside from this song, I had an errant thought in that muddy place betwixt sleeping and waking, and I am now acting upon it.
It is going to be a lot more work than I had once thought, but it's going to pay off.
In some way.
Not money or anything, but HUGE dollops of whipped respect from a certain community.
And, now that I've mentioned it, I'll probably not do it.
We'll see...
And speaking of segues...I SEEN a bunch of stuff this weekend.
And last week!!
The first was 'Aliens Vs. Predator 2: Requiem'.
Although it probably couldn't have been worse if they'd named it 'Aliens Vs. Predator 2: WREAKQUIEM!!!!!!!'.
So...the Pralien that popped out at the end of AVP1 causes a Predator ship to crash on Earth, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, I.
Also on the ship are eight facehuggers in glass tubes, preserved, for study or sex, by the Predators.
We see this in the first three minutes.
The next twenty are used to introduce about a dozen human in this quiet, little town and to make us care about whether or not they are eviscerated/made into wombs by Aliens or hunted/decapitated by Predators.
The only thought I had while we met the Guy Who Just Got Out of Jail But Who Has A Good Heart, his friend the Guy Who Used To Be A Troublemaker But Is Now A Cop, the Troubled Punk Teen Who Also Has A Good Heart, the Girl That Loves Him (who is a total hot slut but whom we don't get to see naked before a Predator staples her to a wall with a spear...what's the point of releasing an unrated version of a horrible movie if there's no BOOBIES?! J'ACUSE AVP2!!!! J'ACUSE!!!!!!!!!!), the National Guard Reserve (or some goddamn thing) Mom Coming Home After oh fuck it, these people are all fodder.
As I was saying before I ACTUALLY BORED MYSELF AWAY FROM THE SENTENCE, the only thought going through my head while we met these people was, "I hope they will all die horribly".
And, for the most part, I was sated.
The only cool thing about this movie was seeing what would happen if a dozen or so Aliens went apeshit crazy in a small town in America while being tracked by a solitary Predator.
Guess what?
Lots of people die.
The "bad guy" is the matured Pralien.
Which looks like a big goddamn Alien, but with mottled tan skin like a Predator.
Aside from being mucho ugly, this thing has somehow evolved the ability to slam it's mouth over that of pregnant women and pump offspring directly into their bodies via their throats.
I'm not kidding.
It was pretty gross.
Then they birth three at a time, rather than one.
It's messy.
In the end, the Government fucking nukes the town (way to go), the Predator and Pralien impale each other on sharp things and the Guy Who Just Got Out Of Jail (played...hm...not "well"...not..."horribly"...just played then, by White Sean from Rescue Me), his brother, the Mother who blah blah and the Daughter of the Mother make it out alive.
The very end is some government dude bringing a Predator laser weapon to some Asian chick who says, "The world isn't ready for this technology" and then the government dude says (WITH THE WORST DELIVERY OF A LINE OF THIS TYPE CAN HAVE!!!!!), "But this isn't for...this world, is it, Ms. Yutani (the "Yutani" from "the Company")?".
And then the movie ends.
And it's awful.
One other thing that was pretty awesome; at the beginning, the first two Alien Wombs were a father and son (like 10 or 11 years old) hunting.
I was thinking they would pull some punches and have the kid escape...no.
Not only does he get totally facefucked, he gets cheastburst.
It set my expectations a bit high, but that didn't last long.
See, the most frustrating thing is I don't know what would make a good AVP movie.
I wish I did, but, until I do, I'ma keep ooooooon bitchin'.
Also saw 'The Invention Of Lying'.
Ricky Gervais needs a special kind of movie, and he was doing a few different things in this one, INCLUDING showing "real" sincere emotion and good acting skills at the bedside of his dying mother.
Amazing to see him do that and do it well.
I'd be interested to see him in some About Schmidt or Little Miss Sunshine dark comedy stuff, see how he does.
Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner (his opposite in this not a romcom romcom) looks like Julia Roberts less mutated child.
Not that Julia Roberts has a mutated child, that I know of, I'm just saying that Jennifer Garner looks like a less mutated Julia Roberts.
Sorry for the confusion.
And, finally, I saw the series finale of 'Lost'.
I was left feeling disappointed.
Mainly with the explanation/wrap up of the parallel universe (a concept I totally dig but seldom seen done well).
As for the rest of the plot or the "real" plot, the ridiculous behemoth that's been lumbering around in our lives for the past seven or eight years?
Unsatisfying, but, I do understand it is hard to wrap something THAT huge in a tidy little blanket.
Basically, it could have been worse, and, in the long run, it doesn't matter, it's a TV show.
It did get me to thinking about what TV shows I have watched from start to finish and gotten a real sense of satisfaction out of.
Not very many came to mind.
In fact, I think 'The Wire' may be it.
Amazing show.
Some people think it was slow, but it was building that's all; and, in the end, worth every gut-wrenching second.
'The Shield' had a solid ending but nothing that blew my mind.
Same with 'Oz'.
'Fresh Prince' was kind of gay.
The ending of 'Sopranos' was indifferent faux-art douchbaggery, not good, some people made that mistake.
It was also kind of hilarious for all those people downloading it.
The gamut of emotional responses went from pissed to confused (then a quick trip to a bunch of message boards where the phrase "There's nothing wrong with your file, that is the end of the series" was repeated lots of time) to really pissed.
Overall though, the biggest problem I have seems to be with shows that aren't "real", you know?
Cop drama, cop action drama, Will Smith vehicle, prison soap opera, organized crime soap opera...truly excellent to shit stew in my mind, as far as endings go, but 'Battlestar Galactica'?
Nope.
Hated that ending.
'Dollhouse'?
Didn't quite hate it, but walked away unsatisfied (along with the creator of the show, but you know what I mean).
I don't know, all in all, with those shows it seems to be more about the journey than the destination, but can't SOMEBODY reconcile the two?
Maybe 'Fringe', although J.J. Abrams is down one with that 'Lost' ending.
I suppose we'll see.
In your mouth.
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