The 13th Question

The last question asked of me by Will is as follows:

13 - If they had a sing-off, both doing "Kiss", who would win, Prince or Tom Jones? Could Michael Jackson and George Michael be hired as judges?

My answer is as follows:

"13. Michael Jackson, no since he's in court because the cops found that secret shrine to Macauly Culkin. George Michaels? Yes, he's on his way. As for the actual events? The first verse would start off neck and neck, Prince sticking with his guitar/drum machine back up and Tom Jones with his brass band. Then, at the start of the second verse, Tom would start using his sexy howling voice, seemingly knocking Prince for a loop. Prince sticks with his lovesexy formula throughout the second verse while Tom is improving and winking at the ladies. By the start of the third and final verse, it looks like it's all over for Prince; he is still just strumming his guitar while Tom Jones has unleashed his pelvis, killing almost everyone in the audience. Tom is slick with the sweat of victory as the final chorus approaches. He has given his all and vanquished the enemy, he decided to spend the last thirty seconds of the song thanking the remaining members of the audience who hae not been killed by his pelvis and were simply left blind and jabbering. Then, the fabric of space and time is splintered as Prince rises from his seat, his guitar bursting into flames as his clothing begins to emit a light purer than the sun and he commences shirking the final chorus. The sweat cooling on Jones skin begins to heat back up, 27 seconds, he starts to sing, but his voice doesn't have a chance against this tornado of sex, 23 seconds, the sweat begins to sting Jones' skin, Prince continues to destroy reality with his final chorus, 18 seconds, the glory of Prince's voice ignites the sweat on Jones' body, 15 seconds, Jones begins to scream, but not the lyrics of "Kiss, no, 10 seconds, how can one being exist on such a sexy level of this or ANY universe? 7 seconds, Tom Jones is broken down to his protons, electrons and neutrons and then he is scattered across time, 4 seconds, the light Prince emits is now too much to handle, luckily the remainder of the audience, blind and staggering from Jones' crotch has long been absorbed by this being of pure sex, they are now part of the Collective Lovesexy, they have done more than see the light, they have become part of it, lucky bastards, 3 seconds, Prince senses that he is alone, not just in the auditorium, but in the universe, he has done is again, he has vaporized everything with his true being, he sees the swirls of atoms that used to be the audience, Jones, Michaels and knows what to do, 2 seconds, everything ceases, the light goes out, the shriek cuts off like a hot love knife into hot sexy butter, there is nothing, 1 second, the last second, the first second, alpha and omega, we hear one word spoken softly, yet with every feeling ever experienced by man, one word echoes throughout the empty halls of existence and being and nothingness and anit-matter and every unformed heart of man and beast and the heart of God Himself tremble with the promise of that word: kiss. It has begun."

From the heart, people, from the heart. I hope I answered all of your questions. I will do my best to construct some questions for y'all. And Jade, where's the Aussie batch? I need me some Tim Tam flavored inquiries.