Kvetch, bitch, moan.
Piss, moan, whinge.
Whine, whine, bitch.
You get it.
I'm always whining about something.
Always.
Nothing seems to ever make me happy.
New Nine Inch Nails album?
Why isn't it out now?
New Beck album out NOW?
Why isn't it longer?
New, two-disc They Might Be Giants album out NOW?
It's not as good as their old stuff.
Cake releasing three double albums in three weeks starting NOW?
...we'll talk.
So.
What do I want?
What, if anything, would shut me the fuck up for two little minutes?
I will tell you.
Welcome to the Bitchwishlist for 2013.
Nine Inch Nails
Get a pen, motherfucker.
New HTDA LP
A double album preferably, if not, I want a FULL god damn disc of music, that's eighty minutes, dickface, not a second less.
The Goddamn Motherfucking Fragile Ultra Super Deluxe Edition*
And here is what I want on it:
- The full album, remastered and sounding better than ever
- A (full) disc of ALL the unreleased music from the recording sessions aka the Lost Fragile Tracks
- A Blu Ray with ANY and EVERY visual component relating to this era (Things Falling Apart, And All That Could Have Been), i.e.
- Music videos (including the original, scrapped version of "The Day The World Went Away")
- Promo materials (web videos, behind the scenes, teasers)
- Full versions of the Fragility v1.0 and v2.0 specials
- A documentary on the making of the album**
- Photo gallery containing unused artwork, magazine covers, web site image archives and the like
- Packaging to match that of the Ghosts I-IV deluxe edition
- All video in HD
- All audio also mixed in 5.1
To feature original score and soundtrack from Nine Inch Nails, not Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, not How to destroy angels_, Nine Inch fucking Nails.
I'd also like to see Reznor direct an episode or two, see how that goes.
A new Nine Inch Nails album***
I've almost forgotten what Nine Inch Nails is...
This doesn't actually have to come out in 2013, but I want a single/music video by 2014 and a release date some time in January or the first half of February. A new Ghosts or a follow-up to Year Zero (to coincide with the mini-series perhaps...) or something totally different, preferably reflecting my next to last NIN wish. It's almost been five years since the last proper NIN album and I'm getting concerned.
An original Reznor/Ross score for a new Silent Hill game
Kind of self-explanatory, kind of epic and amazing.
I'm turgid with the potential hotness of this.
Some Fucking Transparency
Look, if you honestly believe, in your heart of hearts, that your next release or the one after that or the one after that is really going to live up to the mystery and hushed, awed hype you propagate, literally, years before their release...then by all means, keep it up; tease things 24 months before they are written, whisper random artists' names into the throbbing, eager ears of the internet and let your slavishly dedicated fan base tear itself apart trying to figure out what, exactly, you meant by that comma placement...but...if you're just fucking with folks to maintain that brooding, dark, troubled vampire goth god-king persona you've built over the decades...fucking quit it. You're a father of two who's married to a back-up singer who's about half your age.
Stop buying your own hype.
Some Fucking Impenetrability
After listening to all this Coil and reconciling myself with the fact that they made music for almost twenty five years without ever actually having a particular audience in mind, it makes me wonder why Reznor isn't being more bold and experimental. I know, I know, what is experimental? Isn't that just another name for unlistenable or pretentious or droney or blippy or indie or fill-in-the-blank?
Another way of phrasing this: Trent, make something unlistenable.
Make something that will alienate people.
Unless it sounds like "Corona Radiata" or "The Four Of Us Are Dying"...those weren't great and even they feel safe when compared to the truly experimental stuff Coil did...over a decade ago.
Get nuts, surprise us.
Release That Cover of "Sex Dwarf" from the Closure bonus footage
Do it.
And, since Reznor likes to collaborate so much...
List of Trent Reznor's Collaborators for 2013
David Bowie (never going to happen, even I know that)
Tori Amos (still believe that this could be amazing)
tweaker (show them how good tweaker could be, Trent)
Dave Sitek and/or TV On The Radio (just fuck around for a few weeks and release what comes of it)
They Might Be Giants
These guys have been kind of hitting it out of the park recently and have a new album set for March 5th, so this won't be too wacky.
That the new album is rich and good
Join Us was 18 tracks and pretty great. Keep up the good work.
New and interesting tracks during the 2013 tour
Pretty straightforward.
2013 IFC
I've been exceedingly happy with these last two years of the IFC and I'd gladly pay for another.
New Monopuff and State Songs albums
Never going to happen.
The return of the amazing TMBG podcast
All those weird little things that weren't even songs..."Turtles of North merica"..."Lesson 16"...yes! More!
Beck
I'm going to take a deep breath and try not to scream...
You, Beck, Recording Song Reader
Yeah, I'm not interested in people covering your new album. You wrote it, you record it. Asshole.
Midnite Vulture Deluxe Edition
A while ago, Beck said this was going to be a double album. As it is my favorite Beck album, obviously, I want more.
So do it.
A music video collection
On Blu Ray.
No idea why this hasn't happened yet...
Stop Producing, Start Collaborating
I'm done with hearing that Beck produced some dude's album which now has some drum programming where it did not have drum programming before.
If you're going to work with artists, work with them. Create something that is both of yours.
St. Vincent comes to mind...as does Dave Sitek.****
Get Back To Writing and Recording and Releasing Your Own Music
You are an artist. Yes, I understand. But artists can write/record/release compact discs too, you know. Remember all of the 90's and the 00's? Yeah? Okay. Good. Let's do that again.
Eels
E, you're releasing a new album in February and then touring for a few months after that.
And that is all I need.
Welcome back, buddy.
Cake
Another deep breath...and here we go...
Release A Double Live Album Comprised Of The Greatest Moments From The Last Few Years
In 2007, Cake was set to release a live album of their kick ass show at the Crystal Palace in...Texas? Kansas? Whatever.
They recorded it and everything...and then shelved it.
No matter how much I scream about Cake, I have always loved them live; they are a staggeringly talented live band and I will always do my best to see them, so a live CD, compiled from the best shows from the last few years would be stellar.
Shut Up And Make Some Fucking Music
You think I was joking about three double albums in three weeks? Well, I thought about it and that is exactly what I want. Three double albums, twenty songs and an hour and twenty minutes each, within one month.
And then...
Retire
Cake hates touring. They hate it. It keeps them away from their family and they hate it.
So. Fucking. Stop.
Become environmental activists, run for congress, actually fucking do something aside from being passive aggressive on your web site...YOUR WEB SITE WHICH ONLY LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE FUCKING READ!!!
You don't make enough music to be this vocal about shit.
If making music is such a chore and so awful, then fucking stop.
Yes, I will miss your music, but, honestly, it isn't like you make music anymore, so what's the difference?
Make those three double albums, release that live CD and then fuck off.
Never darken my doorstep again.
Now onto other bands/artists:
A new Gorillaz album produced by TV On The Radio
Straight up, I do not believe that Gorillaz is over and done with. I want them back and to record an album with TVOTR. It would be amazing. Get Beck in there and I'll even pre-order.
Another St. Vincent/David Byrne album
I haven't been able to stop listening to Love This Giant and I want more. Would I rather have a new AC/DB album than a new St. Vincent solo album? ....maybe? Both would be asking way too much, I get that but, again, wish list. And, you know what? I'm going with yes, I'd rather have another Love This Giant than a new St. Vincent album. LTG is just so good...
The redemption of tweaker
I don't care how you do it, a remix album that makes Call The Time Eternity sound like farts, a new album produced by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross featuring guest vocalists How to destroy angels, whatever. You made 2 a.m. Wakeup Call and it was heartbreakingly amazing and then you release CTTE? You are better than this and we both know it.
So prove it.
For the new Maximum Balloon album to be half as good as the first one
Because the first one was, mathematically, that good.
A Phone Call From Prince
I have nothing.
I just want to talk to the guy.
For the Atoms For Peace album to be amazing
I, seriously, listened to that first single, "Default", until I couldn't. If half of the album is as good as that one song...wow.
I want the whole album to be that good.
Which leads me to...
I Want One Of My Five Favorite Bands To Release An Album I Love From Top To Bottom, The First Time Through
No "it's growing on me", no half-amazing, half-okay track list...solid...gold...all the way through.
Will this ever happen or are my standards just too high?
I'll check back in in, roughly, three hundred and sixty five days.
* I will accept this as its official title.
** Don't think this actually exists, but, hey, it's a wish list.
*** I do not care what the fuck The New Yorker or Trent fucking Reznor says. SURPRISE ME.
**** Sorry, he just seems to be a great guy to collaborate with.*****
***** Listen to Maximum Balloon.
No comments:
Post a Comment