One by one I'll knock you out...

7.24.06
8:31 PM
There is an operator here I have probably never talked about. Her name is Eva and she works the Saturday and Sunday shift 7pm to 7am. She has never asked for more hours or broken a brand new leather reclining chair with her bulk or anything like that. Her deal is that she is a Jehovah’s Witness, but not the awesome kind like Prince. She is the kind that won’t touch any people who aren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses. Also, apparently, she is always telling people to change the climate in the security office rather than bringing a sweater or wearing short sleeves like Robin William’s character in Deconstructing Harry.
Anyway, what she does on her late night 12 hour shifts is this, she’ll do her job until 11 or 12 or something like that, and then she’ll fall asleep. Now, we’ve all fallen asleep at work or in school and the way to do it is to make it look like you’re cupping your hand over your head because you are looking down (intently) at what you are studying. She is not as subtle as that. She lays her head down on her arms and snores like a convoy. When she wakes up around 2 or 3 in the morning, she calls her uncle and they talk on the phone for four hours. That isn’t 100% every time but usually it is.
Security and communications are in the same room and they kind of ignore the blatant shirking of her duty (usually because they are asleep themselves or just not in the security office). In a way, it’s is a long standing joke. If someone looks tired behind the switchboard, they remind you never to “pull an Eva” on the day shifts. So, I came in today to find out a VERY big wig that is usually NEVER here in the weekends after hours totally caught her asleep and snoring like Moses. I don’t know what’s going to happen to the groggy Chosen One, but I’m sure it will be unpleasant. As you can imagine, being asleep behind the board is the operator’s equivalent of letting a patient just walk out (see how unimportant my job is?), but in this case, there isn’t much of a gray area. She was asleep. She was caught. You don’t argue that you were just resting your eyes and head while snoring, it doesn’t work that way. Anyway, the point is, I hope that whatever happens to her will help the other terrible operators to reform themselves before they are also caught using the hospitals property for personal use, eating whole, live chickens and watching DVDs during daytime weekend hours.
To be honest, I really just want them to get rid of Tubby Cuntin and I’m projecting, but a girl can dream, right?
Oh, speaking of Mount Eatmore, she broke the wheel off a brand new leather executive chair (circa $400) by seat dropping into it. We’ve had this thing for a little over three months. Way to go, Tubby.
Changing the subject xmax; got back from my trip to Philly at 2:30 this afternoon. All in all, I consider it a waste of money and I wish I had just seen Peaches at Irving Plaza on Saturday. Philadelphia sucks. It is bad. Watch out, here is comes. Run away. Run away. Now it’s after you. Flee to someplace new. Not even cheese steaks (made the RIGHT WAY WITH CHEESE WHIZ) can redeem this city.

12:29AM
Also, it strikes me that if you speak two languages but don’t know what “bilingual” means, you aren’t bilingual.