End of the Month Music Bitchfest - June 2014

Nine Inch Nails
It occurs to me that, if Reznor doesn't want NIN live to be seen as a nostalgia act, something he's said numerous times in recent interviews, then maybe going on tour with another band that was really huge in the 90's and who is also celebrating the 20th anniversary of one of their biggest albums might not be the best way to avoid that.
Unless, of course, he doesn't play anything from The Downward Spiral.
Picture it: a Nine Inch Nails show without "March of the Pigs", "Closer"* or "Hurt".
Aside from the shows they did before the album came out, has that ever happened?
I'll just answer that right now: no, no it has not.
Just like hardly a show has passed since With Teeth was released that didn't feature "The Hand That Feeds" right before "Head Like A Hole".
If Reznor wants to completely avoid his upcoming live shows been viewed as such, he would have to reinvent what Nine Inch Nails live is. He did a pretty amazing job with Tension; even if the tools he used to craft the experience were a bit well worn, it worked. Switching the duties and number of people sharing the stage with you while you play "Terrible Lie" isn't reinvention though.
I guess we'll see in a few weeks how Trent Reznor is redefining "reinvention" this summer.
Frankly, I wish the tour were already over so he can focus on the stuff for Gone Girl.

Also, "someone" from the NIN camp confirmed that the Tension Blu-ray is still happening, but that they're making it bigger and better etc. by putting footage from other legs of their recent tours on it.
I'm cool with that...after they've re-released The Fragile.**

Eels
The new video for "Lockdown Hurricane" appeared online and, in my mind, has a whole lot in common with their video for "Spectacular Girl", specifically just how much the song and video have nothing to do with one another and that both star a superhot girl. 
And guns.
Enjoy?

They Might Be Giants
A pleasant surprise from TMBG this month. Just yesterday, they released their entire first album played live. Consider me mollified regarding the release (and inherent concept) of Idlewild.
Here's the link. It's totally free and won't result in any spam.
Something fun, if you're interested: listen to the first album, and then see how much (or how little) it's evolved in their minds over the past 28 years.
Crazy stuff.

Beck
Seeing this fellow tomorrow night amidst a crowd of hundreds of sweaty mooks.
Predictions: several guitars, a tiny bit of breakdancing, nothing at all from Midnite Vultures, and for him to close with the seven minute version of "Where It's At", which will include him cajoling the audience into yelling "Oh la la Sassoon!"
How can someone so funky be so predictable?


And, in an oddly Coil-related turn, this month I spent some time with the new Electric sewer age release, Bad white corpuscle, and should have a review of that up soon, as well as Peter Christopherson's Time Machines II, which wins the award from most baffling and awesome packaging of an album that I have ever received.
Review (and, probably, pictures) coming soon.

Now scoot.





* Yes, yes, I know he cut it from the setlist for NIN/JA and Wave Goodbye.

** YOU HAVE SIX FUCKING MONTHS TO GET THIS OUT IN TIME FOR THE 15TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE GODDAMN ALBUM. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FUCKING FIVE YEARS.

A review of "Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes" on the PS4

First things first: yes, it's incredibly short, but I'm one to take my time, so I'm all right with that.

There's nothing bad about it, it's a perfect evolution of the series and if The Phantom Pain is going to function like a next gen Peace Walker (with a huge amount of small, modular missions), then I'm more than happy, as long as there aren't any of those goddamn filler missions, like taking down the chopper, okay, now take down the GREEN chopper, okay, now, take down the GREEN chopper with brown spots).
I don't think I've spent more time on anything more frustrating in recent memory.

However, I loved hunting for the different POWs and building and expanding Mother Base.

I still think Snake Eater is probably the best game in the series and Peace Walker goes right up there with it, it's basically Snake Eater 2. So, another continuation is fine with me...if this is the last. Things are getting a bit crowded. I mean, I know that Big Boss is supposed to be a legendary mercenary and that we need to establish this legend...but they're running out of years in which to do it.

Back to GZ; the issue for me isn't the length of Ground Zeroes, but, rather, the length of time between it and Phantom Pain. Kojima has promised the game will be out "before the end of 2015".
Yes, there were tears.

As of right now, I've played the main mission four times, once taking my time and clocking in at around 100 minutes, the second, going for all the XOF patches and cassette tapes, the third, a speedthrough, clocking in at just under half an hour (and scoring an "S" rank!) and the fourth time just to rescue the escaped POW in order to get Chico's 4th tape.
I also did the two bonus missions "Deja Vu" and "Jamais Vu" a few times because they were so goddamn fun. Anyone complaining about there not being enough stuff here hasn't been trying hard enough. The Foxdie freak out in the prison cell? The MGS quiz? The weird, little logo erasing challenge? It's a compact and delicious slice of pure MGS.

The other four missions start to feel a bit redundant, try as they might to mix things up. I mean, they're not awful, I love that Kojima's put himself in the game again, but, yeah, it does feel stretched thin.
By the time I out it down, I had "S" ranked all the normal missions and completed all the hard ones. I am only missing one trophy, which I'm not going to bother with. After finishing GZ, I picked up Peace Walker again. When I put that down, I had cleared all the missions with B's and A's not to mention a handful of S's, so I have the stealth camo and bandana...which means I am now God.
Let's see how long that fucking Chrysalis lasts against Invisible Snake with infinite rockets.
You fuck.

A review of "Watch Dogs" for the PS4

Finished Watch Dogs for the PS4.

Here's some thoughts.

The game designers must have been overjoyed when the whole NSA thing happened while they were making this game.

As a voice actor, I allowed to say this: dude doing Aiden Pierce is fucking horrible. I want him to just clear his throat and take a little sip of water EVERY TIME HE OPENS HIS DULL, FUCKING MOUTH. 

I am impressed with how he managed to sound both nasally and gravely at the same time. Must have been harder than Tuvan throat singing.

Facial animation and hair looks like top-of-the-line PS2 graphics.

Then there's Lisbeth Salander. Who is in the game. Because Ubisoft thought no one would notice?

Also, B-Real (from Cypress Hill) is in the game. With dreadlocks.

Driving: what is worse, drinving on a road made of ice in a car made o glassor vice versa? Whichever is worse is what it's like to drive in this game. In an open world game where you need to drive, make the driving good.

Regarding the soundtrack: why haven't we seen a GTA or Saints Row or Watchdogs where the player can use music from their hard drive as a custom radio station?

It's 2014.

I remember some games on fucking PSOne where you could take the game disc out and have your own CD playing instead of the game's soundtrack. How has this technology devolved?

The moment when "C.R.E.A.M." by Wu Tang starts playing though...I don't think I ever realized how much old school Wu mitigates things.

After getting past how it looks and diving head first into the side stuff, I had fun.

This game could have originally been the future Assassins' Creed we're never going to get. 

Like so much. 

The ctOS towers are the viewpoints, the maps are both just as choked with stuff, the pointless and interchangeable clothes, the different types of weapons, the number of times I tried to take someone down silently and ended up standing on the box I was hiding behind because THE FUCKING BUTTON FOR TAKING SOMEONE DOWN SILENTLY AND CLIMBING UP ON A BOX IS THE SAME FUCKING BUTTON.

I really liked the Gang Hideouts.  Since I'm bad at games, I enjoy being able to pure stealth. The camera puzzles are also a great touch

Jordi is fun. Should have been more Jordi.

Lucky Quinn's teeth are their own character.

The digital trips. You can feel the time and love put into them. If Ubisoft were more bastardy than they already are, I could see them releasing these as some separate thing.

While I don't know/love/enjoy at all a lot of the music, I love the way you obtain it, love it.

At one point, hours in, there was still a lot of stuff to do. Was it all fun or worth it? Meh. 

There's more I could say, but the overall feeling is as follows: some of the interactions and mechanics, the stealth and camera systems were great, a lot of fun, but most everything else was not.

And, while the credits did an admirable* job of planting at least a dozen seeds for the inevitable flood of yearly sequels, I want nothing to do with any of them.

I can't think of a more forgettable game.

Wu Tang can only ameliorate so much.

* Read "desperate".

A review of Damon Albarn at Irving Plaza on June 8th, 2014 -OR- Damon Albarn Threw So Much Water At Me

Damon Albarn & The Heavy Seas

There’s something about being in the presence of Damon Albarn that’s even more exciting than being in the presence of Trent Reznor or Thom Yorke. I consider all three in a class of their own as far as musicality and innovation, but Albarn is taking more risks and just seems to be having more fun. And that’s what it should be about, in the end.

Damon Albarn + a melodica = Gorillaz

On the evening of June 8th, I saw Damon Albarn and the Heavy Seas perform so much more than just tracks from his melodic, melancholic debut solo album, Everyday Robots. I mean, technically, Blur, Gorillaz, The Good, The Bad & The Queen, and Rocket Juice & The Moon are all Damon Albarn, so, technically, they all fall under the purview of Damon Albarn. I guess what I’m saying is that no lawsuits were handed out? 

No, I’m saying that this was so much more fun than I was expecting. The same appeared to be true for Albarn, who had a smile on his face the whole night and, between tossing what seemed like several gallons of bottled water at the crowd (mostly at me), said how happy and grateful he was to be playing for us. He also reminisced about climbing on the lighting grid the last time he played Irving Plaza, with Blur, back in the early 90’s.

Albarn & Vic Mensa doing "Clint Eastwood"

Stand out moments for me included all the Gorillaz stuff (I’ve never caught them live), but specifically, “El Mañana” and “Kids With Guns”, the latter just exploded off the stage, “You & Me”, “The History Of A Cheating Heart”, one of my favorite tracks from Everyday Robots, which Albarn played lovingly on his guitar while sitting on a piano, and “Mr. Tembo”, during which a choir joined the band on stage, as I had been hoping. Even though over half the set consisted of tracks not from Everyday Robots, this was still, undoubtedly, a Damon Albarn show, replete with the quirk, dedication and energy he brings to all his myriad musical endeavors.

If you have a chance to see him, I would highly recommend it.

Damon Albarn, locking eyes with me and deciding exactly how much water to throw at me. 

Videos, album ordering options (the deluxe version has some cool stuff on it, including a track-by-track breakdown of the album and four songs performed with a string quartet) and everything else can be found on Albarn’s official site.

A review of "Witching and Bitching" ("Las brujas de Zugarramurdi")

Thanks to the largesse of one Philip Maniaci, I have just returned home from a screening of Álex de la Iglesia's Witching and Bitching*.

After a riveting and beautifully edited opening credit sequence, the film starts out as a slick and snappy heist romp, featuring a wonderfully choreographed and executed robbery which involves a disturbingly gratifying moment when Spongebob Squarepants gets utterly annihilated by automatic weapons fire, ** and then takes a pretty sharp left, transitioning into a genuinely freaky horror flick with a fantastic and epic third act, in which the chaos is palpable and truly unsettling. Did I forget the men vs. women metaphor that underscores the whole film? Because there’s that as well.

The casting is perfect: the Mother, Maiden, Crone trio of Carmen Maura, Carolina Bang and Terele Pávez (especially those last two), each terrifying and compelling in their own specific fashion, the cordial, well-spoken monster played by Javier Botet and the corrupted, chilling innocence of Enrique Villén’s El Inadaptado Socia. ***

Overall, Witching and Bitching feels like a funnier, smarter and more subtle From Dusk ’Til Dawn. It exudes a stylish feel as thick as blood or the fog in the forests of Zugarramurdi. If you’re a fan of the skillful combination of horror and humor (Shaun of the Dead, Drag Me to Hell, Zombieland, Army Of Darkness) then you should probably check this out. 

Witching and Bitching is coming to theaters June 13th as well as VOD and other digital outlets.

* Las brujas de Zugarramurdi in the original Spanish.

** Living in New York City and having seen such abominations cluttering up Times Square...well, you understand.

*** Literally, “the social misfit”.

A review of "Rigor Mortis"

Take elements of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary, Jacob's Ladder, the Hellblazer comics, Silent Hill and put them into a blender with a healthy dollop of pure, original Takashi Shimizu and your resulting beverage will be Rigor Mortis.

Also blood. Lots and lots of blood.

The residents we meet in the gray and eldrich apartment complex which serves as the backdrop for the film include a jolly yet nosy superintendent, a sweet old tailor and her cantankerous husband, the newest tenant, a washed up actor…and a necromancer, albino anime boy whose mother suffers from PTSD and a former vampire hunter turned cook.* You in yet?

Before things get overly dark, there’s a wonderfully refreshing edge of quirky, black humor that sets this apart from your typical American horror film where everyone is taking everything so seriously that the audience has no choice but to giggle. But, as I said, things do get pretty dark.

Every shot is arresting, an absolute portrait and there’s a moment or two of fantastic, horrific, nightmare imagery. Throw in a score and sound design that settles on the viewer like damp cobwebs and you have an atmosphere so thick you couldn’t cut it with an axe.

It’s not a perfect horror film though. They’ve trotted out the old “children’s scary drawings as plot devices” trope, one character who starts out sympathetic just ends up seeming evil, and, at times, I felt as if I were missing something, whether it was bad editing or just lost in translation, I couldn’t say, but only once or twice did I find myself actually taken out of the movie because of it. Perhaps if they had done a better job explaining the rules of this world/apartment complex.

Then again, the two lines: "Oh? So you know that vampires are afraid of glutenous rice?” and "The cigarettes I smoke are made from ashes of the unborn” probably should have tipped me off that this is a culture I will never fully understand. One thing is for sure: I have never seen a horror movie with as much martial arts in it. There’s some pretty spectacular supernatural combat in this, specifically towards the end.

If you’ve enjoyed the Ju-On films (yes, this film features creepy, stop-motion nightmare chicks, smoking and climbing on walls) and Shimizu’s other works, you’re going to enjoy this.

And now, I’d like someone to open a Kickstarter to raise money to hire Juno Mak and Shimizu to direct the next Silent Hill film. It makes too much sense, you guys.

There’s actually a part, towards the end of the film, where you can hear the air raid siren….

Anyway.

Rigor Mortis will be in select theaters and available for digital download on June 6th.

For more info, head to the Rigor Mortis official page for theaters, trailer and other stuff.

* The explanation for which is just delightful.

A review of Hamilton Leithauser's "Black Hours"

“Listen…the summer’s coming…”, a hopeful, forward facing lyric, juxtaposed by a slow and sorrowful piano and string section; nothing new here from the lead singer of the Walkmen…but then, the beat comes in, and things start to feel a bit like a cabaret.

This is the first surprise of many on Black Hours, a title that certainly doesn’t refer to the sound of this album.

Maybe half of Black Hours could be mistaken for Walkmen tracks, but the other half? Wow. Who’d have thought the words “jaunty marimba” would ever be used in association with Hamilton Leithauser? There’s the hand claps and honest-to-goodness harmonica of “Alexandra”, a track that’s almost too bright, the jaunty marimba of “The Silent Orchestra”, the ramblin’ Old West feel of “I Retired”, which actually features a “sittin’ ‘round the campfire” singalong portion towards the end, and “I Don’t Need Anyone”, which goes more along the lines of “I don’t need anyone…because I can accomplish anything on my own!” as opposed to “I don’t need anyone…because people will always let you down and, in the end, abandon you. I will die alone.” For the purists, though, there are tracks like “St. Mary’s County”, “5 AM” and “Self Pity”, which opens with a hollow, whistling sound, and then becomes the closet thing to a Walkmen song on here.  

Black Hours feels like Leithauser turning that smoldering, brooding energy for which the Walkmen are so well known outward; it’s just as intense and beautiful, but brighter: sunlight instead of moonlight. Fans of Walkmen will either love this because of how far from Walkmen Hamilton goes, or they’ll hate it for the same reason. Hopefully the former, because this is a really solid record. It’ll be interesting to see if the light on Black Hours makes an appearance on the next Walkmen album (if there is one), but, even if it doesn’t, there’s more than enough here to go around.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - May 2014

Nine Inch Nails

NIN began the European leg of their tour, added some new old tracks ("Closer" and one or two others) and a new intro combining "The Downward Spiral" and "The New Flesh". Plus, a new stage set up that resembles a portable Tension. The bits and pieces I've seen look very interesting and I hope they carry this over to the U.S., perhaps with some better song choices.
And, speaking of the US, it was announced that Soundgarden will precede NIN on their tour.
Which is good because it means I can skip them, but bad because of the clusterfuck exodus.
One thing is for sure: I will never see Death Grips perform live.
And I'm kind of okay with that, as everything I've heard from them sounds like either people or machines trying to poop.

Beck

Gearing up to start his "ALL OF THE GUITARS/NONE OF THE STRINGS"
world tour later this month.
In a month, I'll let you know how his Central Park set was.

They Might Be Giants

Well. They released Idlewild and mentioned, again, that they're working on those two new albums, so...more soon, I hope.

Cake
So, remember that thing about Cake releasing all their albums on vinyl, including their unreleased live album?
I put in my order for said live album and a t-shirt that was bundled with it. I never received an order confirmation so I sent the people distributing it a message informing them.
They sent back "ordr cnfrmd! thx!".
I took that to mean that everything was cool, so I sat back and waited for my record.
A few days later, a package arrived, but, it wasn't what I'd ordered, the single live album on vinyl...it was the whole set of all their albums on vinyl, including the live album and t-shirt. I checked my bank account to see if I had been charged for this thing that I hadn't planned on buying but, no, they'd only charged me for the single record.
Guys...if you want me to start writing about you again, while this is a really solid start, the best way to go about it is to write and release some new music.
I really, really appreciate the thought though.

Eels
Saw Eels just last night at the Apollo Theater *.
After a most intriguing and incongruous performance from the dark, electronic, and sullen Chelsea Wolfe, who performed songs (read "dirges") from her latest release, Pain Is Beauty **, Eels took the stage. While this was, again, not my favorite Eels show, the audience was treated to yet another original instrumental line up, featuring a xylophone, melodica, cello and upright bass and trumpet along with some guitar, drums and E on piano. The end result was like listening to a version of Daisies of the Galaxy from some alternate reality. A very beautiful, mellow show, which included E poking fun at himself for the darker tone of the songs he was playing at the start.
Highlights included excellent new interpretations of "Fresh Feeling","My Beloved Monster" and "I Like Birds", as well as It's A Motherfucker", "Last Stop: This Town" (I'd love to hear the original arrangement live some day), and "A Daisy Through Concrete".
And E going into the crowd and hugging individual people for a good minute or two.
This show also had one of my favorite openings I've seen thus far: E, standing in a lone spotlight, singing Leigh Harline's "When You Wish Upon A Star".
Absolutely. Heartbreaking.

After the show, I hit upon something explaining why I'm more excited about Eels' live shows than any of my other favorite bands: with Eels, nothing is impossible. With other bands there are certain songs they have to play and certain songs they will never play. Nine Inch Nails will never play "The Perfect Drug" live. They Might Be Giants will never play "Nightgown of the Sullen Moon" live. *** Aside from "I Like Birds" and "My Beloved Monster" (each one different every time I've seen them), I don't think I've ever heard a single song played at every show, and never twice in a row. It's because Eels doesn't have a "Head Like A Hole" or a "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)", or, rather, they do. It's "Novocaine For The Soul", but E made it very clear to folks that he's not planning on being restricted by what the audience wants to hear. If he plays "Novocaine", it's going to be on his terms, or not at all. The first and only time he's played anything closely resembling the original 1996 version was just last year. And guess what...hearing it live was fucking incredible. Because the song is amazing and because fans have been waiting for almost twenty years to hear it in such a fashion.
Who knew that patience really does pay off?


And that's about it.
I'm seeing Damon Albarn this Sunday at Irving Plaza, so that should be pretty amazing.
More on that after the fact.

* Am I required, by law, to say "world famous" after "the" and before "Apollo"? Because everyone who works there apparently is.

** Yes, my tongue was firmly in my cheek while typing that album title.

*** Except for the one time they played it in 1995.

Just finished "Infamous: Second Son"...

...both Evil and Good paths (in that order).

Here's some hot, sweaty reactions.


Three games in, and they have yet to make one with any replayability.

One thing I absolutely love is the accessibility: aside from the Space Needle, you can climb anything in a matter of seconds. No fucking around with Assassins'-Creed-style yearning looks upward*; unless you get stuck under an awning, then you're as helpless as a fly in a jar.

I understand why they didn't put more effort into the Paper Trail DLC, which is, for the most part really fascinating and fun (thanks to 42 Entertainment handling the web integration stuff), and does a great job of expanding the universe and the story: I imagine the number of people that will finish the game, let alone engage in something that goes beyond the game is dishearteningly small. I, on the other hand, have only ever left one game unfinished. Hopefully we'll see some compromise with this type of line-blurring in the future.

I wish my first reaction hadn't have been "can't wait for the sequel". 

But seriously, I can't wait for the sequel; wire, glass and paper conduits?

Dag.

Although, as I typed the above sentence, I realized that, if someone knocked at my door and said, here you go, here's the next Infamous game, I probably wouldn't both for a while as, I'm pretty burnt out after playing it twice.

Once was a bit of a stretch, quite frankly.

I found this true of Infamous 1 and 2 and, more recently, of the entire Assassins' Creed franchise. I finally ground my way through AC3, only to hear that AC4 is the good one, but I'm probably not even going to look at that until the 2015 AC game(s) are out, if then.

A bit let down by the concrete power and the timing of it, but, then again, how do you do that? You need it for the last boss, but then the game is over.

Another tear shed for replayability.

I also liked that each blast shard was necessary**, no pointless collectibles this time around.

Didn't really see that many morality choices, five in all, I believe. And they were less evil andmore selfish.

As for the protagonist being a Native American and the tiny handfuls of Indian stuff in the story, I would have given more of a shit if there had been more of it, but, if there had been more of it, I would have probably ended up complaining about how I don't care about the indian stuff.

Make sense?

Going back to the discrepancy between investment and reward with Paper Trail, I get it, but, as for Cole's Legacy, the DLC that's supposed to connect the first two games and the world in which all three take place, they should have absolutely done more.

And Zeke is still worthless and annoying.

On the whole, the game felt short. Although the first two games felt too long at times. That's always the rub, isn't it? I need to remember that, just because this is the next-generation not everything is going to be bigger and longer and more detailed...but it kind of should be, shouldn't it?

It should be longer and bigger and more nuanced than last generation's iteration.

As far as the graphical style, video was my favorite power; if it had the traversal ability of neon, it would be my preferred overall. 

I found all the boos fights annoying, although the set up and look at your battle with the angels was pretty stellar.

Thinking back, I don't think I've ever enjoyed an Infamous boss fight.

Story beats were all pretty predictable too. Although Delsin destroying his tribe at the end of the Evil playthrough was a nice, personal, dark touch.

That was kind of the only time I really felt he was evil. The worst you did before that was strangling a guy who had totally double-crossed him and who had gotten his brother killed.

I also like that the powerless segments are only a minute or two at their longest and that you're never in a place without a power source, although going again back to how shitty concrete is…

This was my first "made only for the PS4" game, and, while some parts of it look utterly stunning, overall, it felt less like a new generation, and more like a room I've been in since 2006 with a fresh coat of paint on the walls.

Still waiting for that jaw dropping moment when I'm reminded, again, that I'm living in the future.

And now, after a few more moments of expectation mitigation, I'm going to pop in Watch_Dogs***.

And, no, I will not be enabling Random Asshole Invasion mode. 

Sorry.

* God damn does that make it hard to believe you're part of a millennia-old brotherhood of crazy assassins...

** Compared to their use in the first two games anyway.

*** If I don't use the underscore, I could be arrested.

Some thoughts on "Days of Future Past"

Saw the new X-Men movie for Meghan's kickass birthday.

Here are some scattered notes and thoughts.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SUCH SPOILERS!!!!!

At the end of everything, this was just a super stylish way to reset EVERYTHING back to 1973.

Didn't just get rid of Last Stand, got rid of EVERYTHING, including, it seems, Wolverine: Origins, since DOFP took place AFTER that and Stryker seemed to have no idea who Logan was.

So grateful that Halle Berry had only three lines and then died. I knew, even when it happened, that it couldn't be real, but still, a sweet dream. Here is where I disclaim and say that I do not wish Halle Berry any harm, just that she would stop acting, or at least, talking.

Any of those would be fine.

Back to the movie.

I am more excited than most about the introduction (finally) of Apocalypse. 

I love that Singer had planned to introduce both Sentinels and Apocalypse on his third X-Men film...something he did about 7 years later.

It's called stick-to-it-tiveness.

More excited about him than I was about Thanos.

Here's why: in the case of both Avengers and X-Men, more so with Avengers, you have some pretty powerful dudes. The idea that nothing any of them can do will affect either Thanos or Apocalypse is thrilling. We're not going to see Storm throw lightning at Apocalypse, just like we're not going to see Cap throw his shield at Thanos.

Hopefully not more than once.

Honestly though, it would be great if we could just skip all the "I have no idea what I'm up against, so let me try this, nope, that totally didn't work" crap. Just like the obligatory, "Why are we fighting? We're on the same side!!!!" device that's been used for years to kill an issue or a comic or half of an act in a film.

I was also okay with them killing the folks from First Class. Especially Frost. January Jones was just awful.

Obviously, Quicksilver and his scene were amazing, very well done. Totally fine with the two Quicksilvers in the MCU.

It was also refreshing not to see Evan Peters as a raping ghost, accused serial killer abductee and/or reanimated corpse.

One question: when did Shadowcat become Timeprojectioncat? Have I missed something?

Anyway, that's everything that really jumped out.

Great stuff, although it was just a really fancy reboot switch.

Between this, ASM 2 and Winter Soldier, I think I still have to give it to Winter Soldier.

Hail Hydra and here's hoping that after X-Men: Apocalypse, we'll meet Cable (played by Ron Perlman) and then get a really cool X-Force movie, which will introduce Deadpool, who will, finally, get his own, R-rated, movie.

Soundboarding with myself regarding Watchdogs

Going to blurt for a second about Watchdogs.
So...I really do like the look and idea of this game. There appears to be a hell of a lot of depth and it looks stunning...but...I'm blasting my way through Infamous: Second Son at the moment, and, while it's not the same game, it is a city sandbox game. Then there's the fact that, of all these nuances and features and everything, how much am I actually going to use?
Street races?
Fuck street races. The last thing I ever want to do in a GTA-style game is have to drive somewhere while there's a fucking clock on my screen.
Multiplayer that allows those assholes I try to keep myself insulated from access to my game? In order to fuck with me? Who in the fuck would want something like that in their game?* Imagine trying to finish a report at work when some guy walked into your cubicle and kept farting.
Now pay money for that.
Boom, you've just experienced Watchdogs multiplayer.
Plus, everything we've seen that looks amazing thus far has been PC, something that does not apply to me, the dialogue in this sounds like the worst kind of tripe and these characters look as generic as humanly possible. In fact, more so, I feel like the big reveal is that a computer designed these generic-ass characters based on an amalgam of generic-ass characters.
Is this just Ubisoft dressing up a turd in HD?

In the end, it's only a $60 expenditure and I've reached a point in my life where $60 is not going to make or break me, but, just because I can spend the money, does that mean I should? There's also the PS4 drought at the moment.
I want to be in the next generation, but, so far, nothing has felt that next-gen. Second Son does look really gorgeous, specifically the streets and all the power effects, especially the third one that you get, I love the style, but it just looks like a really beautiful coat of paint on the walls of a room I've been in for almost ten years.
I'm sure I'm not the only person lamenting this and I know we're going to have to wait until 2015 to maybe see something that actually drops our collective nerd jaws, but...I don't know...Veruca Salt.

Hm.
You know how, when you're stuck between two things, sometimes you'll flip a coin? You know how, more advanced thinkers will choose which side they want and then just go with that as their choice because the fact that they chose that means it was what they preferred?
I feel like this little ramble has served as that.
Thanks, no one!





* Players of Demon's Souls, Dead Souls and Dead Souls 2, please put down your erections.

A review of Tori Amos' "Unrepentant Geraldines"

I have a tendency to judge Tori Amos' albums more harshly than other artists whose work I enjoy. It's because she has made some of the most important and powerful music I've ever heard and I know what she is capable of. So, when she puts out something that doesn't grab me, for whatever reason, I'm not disappointed, I'm frustrated and then hopeful that her next release will be the one to bring it back, to sink its teeth into me.

When Tori said she was getting back to her non-orchestral roots for her new album, I will freely admit I was worried that would mean a return to the adult contemporary feel that's haunted her music since the early 2000's.
Very happy to report that is not the case.

This is going to sound like the cheesiest, most hackneyed phrase ever used in a review for anything but, here it is: Unrepentant Geraldines is full of surprises.

Ugh, I hate myself for saying that, but it is absolutely earned. Songs will set a tone and then take a pleasantly unexpected turn; tracks like "America", whose mischievous guitars and delicate handclaps work very well and start things off nicely suddenly get switched with a momentary rousing sing along, and "Trouble's Lament", the first single from the album, who presents herself* as a dusty tale of "our girl, Trouble" then breaks out her Tex-Mex dancing boots. 

Other songs are surprises in and of themselves, such as "Giant's Rolling Pin", which sounds so damn cute with the ukulele, euphonium and cow bell that I actually want to cuddle this song, "16 Shades of Blue", which is such a standout with her subtle electronics, hidden nuances and minimal piano (why can I hear David Bowie covering this?), and the title track, part languid funk, part pseudo-surf rock and part dark, stormy piano suite, that last featuring one of the strongest and most simple lyrics I've heard Tori sing in years, "I'm going to heal myself from your religion". 

There's even some classic, Tori-and-her-piano tracks for purists, such as "Weatherman", "Selkie", "Invisible Boy" and the beautiful and brutally honest "Oysters".

Other standouts include the epic and mythic "Wedding Day", the fairy tale dream of "Maids of Elfen-mere", "Promise", the mother / daughter duet that's probably going to make more than a handful of people weepy, and "Rose Dover", which harkens back to from the choirgirl hotel and Boys For Pele while, at the same time, being her own girl.

Another tired, used up phrase that I hate is "return to form", but Unrepentant Geraldines is, in part, just that, and I'm relieved to use it now.

I've never really had a crush on Tori Amos; I have too much respect for her, if that makes any kind of sense, but I have always admired her and her beautiful creations. Even when she did the adult contemporary thing, I always held out hope. This is the third really strong Tori album** in a row, and it's with cautious optimism and a trembling, grateful heart that I declare her slump...over.

One thing that's remained unchanged since Little Earthquakes though, some I'll never worry about, is Tori's voice. It's still as clear and perfect as ever, and I'll never think differently.

* Since Tori refers to her songs as "girls" and awards them feminine pronouns and this is her album, I will do the same.

** Yes, I'm counting Gold Dust.

A review of Damon Albarn's "Everyday Robots"

Everything on Damon Albarn's first solo album* falls into two categories: Sparse, Melodic and Morose, and Sparse, Melodic and Jubilant.

Mostly the former.

Because of the abundance of the morose though, the few jubilant tracks like "Mr. Tembo", "Parakeet" and "Heavy Seas of Love" shine more brightly; chrome wet with rain and reflecting sunlight.

Almost every track has an interesting bit of percussion or scrap of texture that makes the whole work stand out and keep things compelling.

Which should go without saying, I mean, this is Damon Albarn, an artist who, in my opinion, should be spoken of in the same breath as Thom Yorke and Trent Reznor with regards to his accomplishments and contributions to modern music, and his experimental heart. In fact, I might go as far as saying that, of those three, Albarn is the boldest, the one who takes the most risks.

There are times when Albarn's message, that we're all isolated from one another by the technology that was originally designed to bring us closer to one another, gets a bit belabored, like on the title track,"Hollow Ponds" and "You & Me", but it's done in a way that doesn't really feel overbearing, although my personal jury is still out when it comes to artists using technology to condemn technology.

I mean, do you own an iPhone, Damon? Did you jot the lyrics about how awful phones are ("we are everyday robots on our phones") on your iPhone? Didn't you shoot two of the videos for the album on one of these demonic telephonic contraptions?

To be fair, he does take a moment here and there to extol the virtues of technology, on "Lonely Press Play", for instance, so I guess he's not wholeheartedly vilifying technology?

Or, is he making a statement by using technology to expound upon the evils of technology?
Or should we give a shit?
Ah.
There's the real question.
Let's focus on, you know, the music, rather than the messages that might, or might not, be in the music.
Shall we?
Yes.

One of my favorite devices on Robots is the continuity. I love me some continuity, and this album is rife with it; the whole thing ebbs and flows just like the oceans we see in Albarn's videos.
Tracks that reflect the most of that wet sunlight include "You & Me", which has a wonderful, sorrowful evolution, "The History Of A Cheating Heart", which is just a bar of pure, sad gold, and "Hollow Ponds", the beeping, grinding, Haunted Mansion distortion on which really sums up Albarn's thoughts on the plague of technology in our society better than any lyrics on here.
As much as Albarn's beating a dead horse a bit with the whole "technology is bad" thing, the album certainly succeeds in making me feel spiteful towards technology, in making me feel disconnected from the people walking in droves around me, heads lowered in worship of and enthralled by their little screens.
The album closes perfectly with the jolly (yet still kind of morose) "Heavy Seas of Love", featuring Brian Eno on vocals sounding like Baloo from The Jungle Book.
Which I like.

People. If you enjoy Blur or Gorillaz or Rocket Juice and The Moon or The Good, The Bad & The Queen or Mali Music or any of Damon Albarn's myriad musical endeavors, just go get this. It's the core of what makes Damon Albarn Damon Albarn, and you're going to like it.
You're also going to be a hypocrite if you listen to it on an iPhone or any other device utilizing electricity as a power source.

* Not really counting Dr. Dee or Monkey.

A review of Eels' "The Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett"

Of Eels' recent albums, my least favorite was End Times. There was a lack of depth and polish that felt slapdash rather than raw and, when most every song on an album is about the different ways E is sad, well, it all kind of blurs together. It had a few really solid tracks on it, but a lot of it didn't stand out in my mind.
Cautionary Tales is a better version of End Times. There's more orchestration and more effort here, but the overwhelming sense of "haven't we been here before? Haven't we covered this already?" kept distracting me from most of it.

I wish the rest of the album sounded like the instrumental opening track, "Where I'm At", a soft and sad and beautiful piece that reminds me of elements of Daisies of the Galaxy, or, to be more specific, the live show build around Daisies. But, even though there is an orchestra credited for helping to create the album, I felt like a lot of Cautionary Tales wasn't utilizing said orchestra.
There is some good stuff here, namely "Parallels", "Kindred Spirit" (even though it sounds so much like "In My Dreams" that I have to check myself every time it comes on*) and "Answers", which features the always-lovely celeste and some really nice orchestration as well a lovely choral moment or two.
On the other hand, there's tracks like "Series of Misunderstands", that is so lacking in lyrical flow that I can barely sit through it, "Dead Reckoning" which feels too grandiose for this album and packs a strong vibe of "I'm crying! Again! Look! But this time, I'm lamenting all my horrible life choices in front of a full orchestra! This is powerful!" and "Gentleman's Choice" where there appear to be something stuck in E's throat. Not emotion...maybe...steak?

The deluxe edition, which features a second disc containing 13 tracks, five of which are brand new**, has a few gems on it. "Bow Out" (quiet, dark and brave), "Good Morning Bright Eyes" (shimmering and upbeat) and "Millicent Don't Blame Yourself" (perfect example of a simple, good Eels song), none of which really seem to fit on this album, probably should have been included on the album for just that reason.

With regards to the overwrought nature of a lot of this album; listening to someone sing a sad song or lyric ("Every day I live in regret and pain", "the life that I've led / I'm better off dead" etc.) isn't enough for me. It's too obvious. Hearing someone sing a song about trying to live despite that sadness or attempting to overcome it and having difficulties or outright failing is always more compelling. I feel like too much of what E has chosen to put on this album is the former.
I know E has been through enough tragedy to last any one man several lifetimes, but I think, after almost twenty years, I'm just about done hearing him sing about it, especially when it's all been done better, by him, years ago.





* Same with "Lockdown Hurricane" and "End Times".

** One, "Millicent Don't Blame Yourself", has been played live, but has never gotten an official release.

Quick write up of The Amazing Spiderman 2

Just got home from taking in the new Spiderman (Spider-Man?) movie with some friends.

Nutshell: if you liked the first, see the second.

Here are some more in-depth thoughts.

YES! THERE ARE SPOILERS!!!











Max Dillon was a bit much before he changes as was his origin, all a little too 50's sci-fi, but, as my friend Alan pointed out, of course it's going to be comic book-y...it's a comic book movie.
I think I've just been a bit dampened by the tone of Winter Soldier (which I really dug).

I really liked the scene between Electro and Spidey in Times Square. Of course it had to all go wrong, but it was interesting for a few moments when it didn't. Well done.

Did not like the random dub step soundboard that was Electro and his powers, and what the fuck was up with all that angsty whispering? Jesus. There was a better way to do that: not at all.

The introduction of Ravencroft, Smythe and Felicia was just wonderful.
So much teasing of the cock.

While some might find it cheesy, the, literal, foreshadowing with the appearance of Captain Stacey worked really well for me, especially the last time we see him.
His face...so judgemental.

The quips are perfect, and the moments of comedy were perfect.

I thought the way they handled Gwen was SO hilariously brutal, especially for folks who knew of her fate from the comics.
She's falling! He saved her.
She's falling!!! He saved her!
She's falling!!!!!!! He...almost saved her.
Totally fucking brutal.
Wow.

Love. Love. LOVE all the seeds they're planting for the next (based on that list that Harry gets from his dad) forty seven films.

Wanted a bit more Rhino, but the bits we got were just great. Paul Giamatti is doing what an actor should: enjoying himself, thus causing the audience to enjoy themselves.

Wanted a real stinger, not just a trailer for the X-Men movie, which I want to see less and less the more I see of it.
Unless they kill Halle Berry.
Then, I'll see it twice.

Fingers crossed for that Sinister Six plot Webb teased recently.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - April 2014

Nine Inch Nails
These recent NIN shows have been too unfocused. I know, I know, will I ever be happy ever. With virtually no lighting set ups and the random grab bag of songs we've already heard...I don't know, getting a little anxious about this shared bill with Soundgarden AND an opener.
I feel like we're gearing up for half of a Nine Inch Nails concert, for $100 a pop.
This does not please my kitten.
But, at least I'll finally get to hear "The Hand That Feeds" live.

A few weeks ago, we got the first taste of the Gone Girl score and it sounds like something from Silent Hill.
I'm thinking this score is going to be less incongruous than that of The Social Network but more incongruous than that of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, based on the book at least.
Honestly, after that little clip from the web site (this web site), I'm now hungrier than ever for a Reznor/Ross Silent Hill score.
Where do I throw the money?

Eels
A bit bummed by my lack of instant love for the new album.
Short version: The Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett sounds like a better, fuller End Times. I think, as much as I love E and his music, that the pity party / sad bastard diatribe is, just now, almost twenty years after first hearing his stuff, starting to wear a little thin. Not that I don't think it's genuine, it's just, you know, getting a bit overworn. I'd love another Souljacker; a blistering work of rock fiction with no set instrumental style, maybe get away from the songs about all the emotional trauma that's happened to him in the past year and a half.
Part of me is dreading that the next Eels album will be entitled I Got A Splinter: 12 Songs About How I Hurt My Finger.
You're a sensitive dude. We get it. We got in back in 1998 when you turned the greatest tragedy in your life into something hopeful and harrowing.
Holding out hope for the tour though, as they've always been amazing experiences.
Full review of the new album is in the works, so make sure to ignore that.

Cake
*sigh*
They've resorted to re-releasing all their old albums on vinyl.
Colored vinyl.
How can they be so cruel and thoughtless?!
DON'T THEY KNOW HOW MANY COLORS DIED FOR THEIR FESTIVE-LOOKING RECORDS??!?!?!?
But, at least that fucking live album from goddamn 2007 is getting a vinyl release.
Which I'll then have to convert to digital.
Fucking Christ, can these pieces of shit ever do anything that doesn't piss me off?!
I suppose re-releasing their catalogue is better than putting out some random compilation of songs though...

They Might Be Giants
Wow, this thing (called Idlewild) has nothing interesting on it, whatsoever.
Two or three tracks from their last four albums, including Nanobots, which came out just over a year ago and one or two from a handful of other albums, EPs and compilations they've released over the past decade or so.
The whole thing just seems lazy.
Hope this doesn't count as either of the albums they were planning to release this year.

In other TMBG news, a music video I created with my wife, Chris, and friend, Phil Maniaci, for the "Am I Awake?" video contest placed fourth or fifth out of over a hundred and fifty entrants, receiving an Honorable Mention from John Hodgman (the judge of said contest).
Of the three winners, I think two of them completely deserved to win, hands down.
You can check our video out here: "Am I Awake?" music video.


One of the other reasons I wasn't super focused or stoked about the new Eels was that Damon Albarn's first solo album, Everyday Robots, was released around the same time. And it is just as impressive as one would hope Damon Albarn's first solo album would be.
There's a lot of focus on the spiritual malaise generated by the technology that was built to bring us closer together as a people further isolating us from one another. Not really the most groundbreaking topic to tackle in 2014, especially for Albarn, but, hey, write what you know.
The whole thing is sparse and sorrowful and melodic and a little spooky at times.
Full review coming soon.
Probably.

The new Lykke Li has Lykke leaked* but I've yet to get into it. A very quick flip through it makes me think it's a lot more spare than her most recent, insanely amazing album, Wounded Rhymes.
But, again, I haven't heard more than a song or two.

New Tori this month.
Let's roll the dice together.





* I apologize to the families of victims of that pun.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - March 2014

Between the end of April and the beginning of August, I'm going to be seeing four of my five favorite bands in concert.
Guess which band isn't working with me?

Nine Inch Nails

With their not-North-American tour well under way, I am heartbroken to see the addition of one new song and a handful of stuff they haven't played since 2006 or 2008, which is almost a long time ago.

And, while "Hand Covers Bruise" segueing into "Beside You In Time" sounds utterly fantastic...yeah, a bit of a letdown.

Here's hoping that Trent ups his game for the NIN/Soundgarden tour this summer, for which I have tickets to both Holmdel, NJ and Wantagh, NY. Neither as good as I wanted but, hey, Musictoday isn't required to function properly, so, no big.
It's cool to see Mariqueen popping out occasionally for them to play a few HTDA songs, but, still.

Also, I am calling it. Once NIN is through with their Soundgarden leg, the goddamn, motherfucking Fragile ultimate erection juice reissue is going to happen.
It's the fifteenth anniversary of its release and if Reznor thinks I'm going to keep holding my dick for another five years?
Well, he might be right.
But let's hope that doesn't happen.
Or I may pout.

Beck
Such ambivalence here.
While he is touring, I don't believe he's going to do so with the string section seen here, but rather with the guitar army seen here and here. I'm still not sure, but the fact that his New York show is outside at Central Park's Summerstage...well, I just don't think it's going to happen. Which is a crushing bummer, but, like I said, after seeing "Blue Moon", "Say Goodbye" and fucking "Waking Light" with the Strummin' Gentry, I'm probably going to be all right.
Yet: "Debra" with a full string section.
Bite.

Eels
The new album comes out in less than a month and the tour begins in May.
A tour which I am more excited about that usual.
All the venues on the "Eels Perform Live in Concert" tour* are seated. I've only seen Eels in seated venues twice; once, at the Highline, where the show was E and the Chet, a drum kit, two guitars and a piano with them playing stuff from all over E's catalogue, including Man Called E material, an amazing and singular experience, while the other was the legendary "With Strings" show at Town Hall, my favorite Eels show to date.
This time, it's at the Apollo Theater and I'm thinking, based on the feel of the album**, that we might get another miracle.
If only I liked what I've heard from the album more.
Granted, only two songs are out, but neither of them are really doing anything for me; "Agatha Chang" is all right but feels like the Souljacker b-side "Jennifer Eccles", while "Mistakes Of My Youth" is just bugging me. The chords feel sloppy and reused and the lyrics are so general that a computer program might have created it based on the input of the words "regret"and "young". Thus far, this thing is feeling pretty End Times, which was, for me, the weakest of their trilogy released a few years back. Sometimes, I find it hard to focus on the solid, tearjerking lyrics when I don't dig the setting they're in.
But, two songs of thirteen do not an Eels album make.
As the old saying goes.
I'll be at the Apollo on the first of June and I'm probably going to love what I see and hear.
If you want to join in my disappointment or tell me that I'm insane, head over to the Eels Soundcloud page and check out the two new tracks.

They Might Be Giants
I wasn't planning on going to the one day of TMBG shows this year.
Really.
It's two free shows at some science thing in Washington D.C. and I was okay missing it.
Until I got tickets to three of my five favorite bands.
Then it felt silly not to slip into collector mode and go for it.
Are they going to play "Drink!"? Maybe.
Are they going to play "Damn Good Times"? Of course they fucking are.
But.
The numbers, people.
The numbers.

And, if a certain band of non-music-making-muscians finds their way to New York City before the year is out, say to, oh, I don't know, Terminal 5...I'll buy a ticket to that as well.
And then, having seen five of my five favorite bands in one Earth year, I shall return to my home planet, so the Elders of my race can finally destroy this mudball pisshole you humans call home.

On the 28th, we got our first taste of the new Tori Amos album, something I've been nercous about since I heard she was dropping the whole amazing orchestra thing.
While listening to "Trouble's Lament" for the first time, I was indifferent, then puzzled, then intrigued,  then I dug it.
I want her to play this while wearing a cowboy hat.
Check it out here.

Not much else happening, musically, for me this month.
I did take in the recent Brooklyn Bowl Mother Feather show and, as always, they tore the place down.
They switched some stuff up, weaving their new track, "Mirror", throughout the set; opening with a little taste before blasting into "Egyptology" and another before "Trampoline", and then, finally, closing with it, the first time I've seen them close with something other that their fist-pumping anthem, "Mother Feather". As much as I dug "Mirror", it really can't beat "Mother Feather" as a closer.
But, this is their party, and they can set it alight however they see fit.

Go, now. And know that I am Grod.





* Eels always wins for best tour names.

** "A live orchestra made up of cello, viola, violins, bassoon, English and French horn, clarinet, flute, saxophone, trumpet, musical saw, glockenspiel and celesta."

The Coil Review Project directory

A chronological directory of my Coil Review Project.

A Thousand Lights In A Darkened Room 

Horse Rotorvator 

Scatology 

The Remote Viewer 

The Unreleased Themes For Hellraiser 

Time Machines 

Moon's Milk (In Four Phases) 

Love's Secret Domain 

Astral Disaster 

Musick to Play in the Dark, Vol. 1 

Queens of the Circulating Library 

Musick to Play in the Dark, Vol. 2 

Constant Shallowness Leads To Evil 

Black Antlers 

The Restitution of Decayed Intelligence 

Worship The Glitch 

The EPs of Coil 

ANS 

The Ape of Naples 

The New Backwards 

Moon's Milk In Final Phase 

The Coil Review Project - Wrap Up

electric sewer age - bad white corpuscle

peter christopherson - time machines II

zos kia/coil - transparent

Bond Notes...James...Bond Notes

For Christmas, my wife got me the Bond 50 Blu Ray collection and, since then, we've been working our way through them.

I've been watching them since I was six, but, watching them all in order in a relatively short period of time has produced a few thoughts and some superlatives.

Favorite Connery Bond
From Russia With Love

Not too silly with gadgets, great bunch of villains, both the physical (Red Grant) and the cerebral (Klebb and Kronsteen), a great ally and character in Kerim Bey and a really solid plot; the best, as far as I'm concerned.

Least Favorite Connery Bond
Diamonds Are Forever

Except for Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd (who are amazing), so much of this is shit. Blofled goes from being a real threat to a dapper dandy whose fate is so badly handled they had to wrap him up in a Moore opening sequence years later, that random sexy bodyguard fight, a moon rover chase for no reason...ugh. Not going to continue. Sadness is forever.

Least Favorite Moore Bond
Moonraker

The damn thing is just too silly.

Favorite Brosnan Bond
The World Is Not Enough

This is my favorite mainly because I dislike the other three so much. GoldenEye is just awful; the caricatures, the silly villain names (Janus? Onatopp? Jesus...), bringing in the Q'ed out Z3 and then doing nothing with it (bold choice, gentlemen...bold, stupid choice), Sean Bean utterly chewing the scenery every time he's on camera, the sheer quality and quantity of shitty puns and adolescent sex jokes.
Some of the GoldenEye damage is repaired in Tomorrow Never Dies, but not nearly enough. If anything, Pryce is ever more over the top and scene-chewing than Bean. Plus, starting World War III for ratings really is a stupid plot.
Going back to The World Is Not Enough, a lot of the good done by casting the flat out amazing Sophie Marceau as Elektra King* was udone by casting Poutyface Broporn, Denise Richards as *sigh* Christmas Jones. Sorry. Nuclear physicist, DOCTOR Christmas Jones. Way to shit in your own salad fellas. Carlyle is a great villain on his own, that cold, seething delivery...and even more so when stacked up against the Twin Hams of Bean and Pryce.
And then, there's Die Another Day.
Okay. I'm going to do a "Compliment Sandwich"**.

• The opening credits (the content, not the music) is one of the best Bond opening credits ever. We see invincible superspy, James Bond broken and tortured for fourteen months. I will freely admit I got chills the first time I saw this. After 19 Bond movies, we finally get to see that he's human.
• The theme song. She actually says "I'm gonna avoid the cliche" while being a cliche.
• Halle Berry.
• Sword fighting. For no reason.
• Sword fighting on a burning plane. For no reason.
• Zao is getting gene therapy in order to create a new persona, and yet, while he's had time to get his skin and eyes lightened, he hasn't gotten those diamonds out of his fucking face yet?
• "I'm Mister Kill." "Well, isn't that a name to die for."
• Halle Berry.***
• That whole VR cocktease scene.
• John Cleese.

I did love how Michael Madsen seemed to not want to be in the movie every time we saw him though. I feel like he was playing the role of the audience.

Aside from these revelations, I also had a few cast off observations.

While The Spy Who Loved Me could have had a really interesting relationship develop between Amasova and Bond, they just tossed the whole "I'm working with you because I have to, but as soon as the mission is over, I'm going to kill you for killing my lover" thing because...I'm not really sure. Instead, they just have her point a gun at him and then shoot the top off a bottle of champagne (which could have blinded Bond with shards of glass but they decided against that ending). I mean, I understand that she might not want to kill him anymore because he saved her life a bunch, but, guys, address it. A line, something, please.

Also regarding Spy, when you place it right next to Moonraker, you begin to notice a lot of similarities. Like the villains' plans. Specifically how they are exactly the same. Stromberg wants to hide underwater and destroy the world because they all suck and Drax wants to do the same, but from space. And with a bit of Fourth Reich flavor. Right next to one another, guys? Really?

I also found myself getting bored with Moore. And the creepy way his cheeks get all sucked in when he kisses girls.
Ew.

I am ready to declare that Dalton is one of my favorite Bonds and that, while he might have been a bit too gritty for the pansy Bond fans of the late 80's, he nailed the essence of Fleming's Bond without going over the top. I love the reference to SMERSH in Living Daylights. I wish there had been more Dalton Bonds.

And, finally, I've discovered that I do not really like Pierce Brosnan's Bond very much at all, especially when wedged between the solidity of Dalton and Craig. I don't Lazenby-hate him, but he doesn't have enough of his own identity. He's a little of Connery, a little of Moore and tried to do the gritty darkness of Dalton but doesn't come close. Should have just stuck to Remington Steele.

Taking a short break before jumping into the Craig Bonds, which, yes, are knocking it out of the park (except for QoS, going to have to try and put my finger on what, exactly, isn't working there for me...), although I'd like them to bring back Quantum. I enjoy a shadowy enemy organization.
Yes I do.





* Did it have to be "Elektra"? Can't you give the audience some credit?

** You get how that works, right? Good thing, bunch of shitty things, good thing? Good.
...her name is Elektra because she kills her father...like in the Greek plays, Electra.

*** BUT, I thank God and all his Angels EVERY DAY that they didn't follow their original plan to give "Jinx" her own spin off film series. Dodged a huge shit bullet there, people. Get on your knees and give thanks.