I've been watching them since I was six, but, watching them all in order in a relatively short period of time has produced a few thoughts and some superlatives.
Favorite Connery Bond
From Russia With Love
Not too silly with gadgets, great bunch of villains, both the physical (Red Grant) and the cerebral (Klebb and Kronsteen), a great ally and character in Kerim Bey and a really solid plot; the best, as far as I'm concerned.
Least Favorite Connery Bond
Diamonds Are Forever
Except for Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd (who are amazing), so much of this is shit. Blofled goes from being a real threat to a dapper dandy whose fate is so badly handled they had to wrap him up in a Moore opening sequence years later, that random sexy bodyguard fight, a moon rover chase for no reason...ugh. Not going to continue. Sadness is forever.
Least Favorite Moore Bond
Moonraker
The damn thing is just too silly.
Favorite Brosnan Bond
The World Is Not Enough
This is my favorite mainly because I dislike the other three so much. GoldenEye is just awful; the caricatures, the silly villain names (Janus? Onatopp? Jesus...), bringing in the Q'ed out Z3 and then doing nothing with it (bold choice, gentlemen...bold, stupid choice), Sean Bean utterly chewing the scenery every time he's on camera, the sheer quality and quantity of shitty puns and adolescent sex jokes.
Some of the GoldenEye damage is repaired in Tomorrow Never Dies, but not nearly enough. If anything, Pryce is ever more over the top and scene-chewing than Bean. Plus, starting World War III for ratings really is a stupid plot.
Going back to The World Is Not Enough, a lot of the good done by casting the flat out amazing Sophie Marceau as Elektra King* was udone by casting Poutyface Broporn, Denise Richards as *sigh* Christmas Jones. Sorry. Nuclear physicist, DOCTOR Christmas Jones. Way to shit in your own salad fellas. Carlyle is a great villain on his own, that cold, seething delivery...and even more so when stacked up against the Twin Hams of Bean and Pryce.
And then, there's Die Another Day.
Okay. I'm going to do a "Compliment Sandwich"**.
- The opening credits (the content, not the music) is one of the best Bond opening credits ever. We see invincible superspy, James Bond broken and tortured for fourteen months. I will freely admit I got chills the first time I saw this. After 19 Bond movies, we finally get to see that he's human.
- The theme song. She actually says "I'm gonna avoid the cliche" while being a cliche.
- Halle Berry.
- Sword fighting. For no reason.
- Sword fighting on a burning plane. For no reason.
- Zao is getting gene therapy in order to create a new persona, and yet, while he's had time to get his skin and eyes lightened, he hasn't gotten those diamonds out of his fucking face yet?
- "I'm Mister Kill." "Well, isn't that a name to die for."
- Halle Berry.***
- That whole VR cocktease scene.
- John Cleese.
I did love how Michael Madsen seemed to not want to be in the movie every time we saw him though. I feel like he was playing the role of the audience.
Aside from these revelations, I also had a few cast off observations.
While The Spy Who Loved Me could have had a really interesting relationship develop between Amasova and Bond, they just tossed the whole "I'm working with you because I have to, but as soon as the mission is over, I'm going to kill you for killing my lover" thing because...I'm not really sure. Instead, they just have her point a gun at him and then shoot the top off a bottle of champagne (which could have blinded Bond with shards of glass but they decided against that ending). I mean, I understand that she might not want to kill him anymore because he saved her life a bunch, but, guys, address it. A line, something, please.
Also regarding Spy, when you place it right next to Moonraker, you begin to notice a lot of similarities. Like the villains' plans. Specifically how they are exactly the same. Stromberg wants to hide underwater and destroy the world because they all suck and Drax wants to do the same, but from space. And with a bit of Fourth Reich flavor. Right next to one another, guys? Really?
I also found myself getting bored with Moore. And the creepy way his cheeks get all sucked in when he kisses girls.
Ew.
I am ready to declare that Dalton is one of my favorite Bonds and that, while he might have been a bit too gritty for the pansy Bond fans of the late 80's, he nailed the essence of Fleming's Bond without going over the top. I love the reference to SMERSH in Living Daylights. I wish there had been more Dalton Bonds.
And, finally, I've discovered that I do not really like Pierce Brosnan's Bond very much at all, especially when wedged between the solidity of Dalton and Craig. I don't Lazenby-hate him, but he doesn't have enough of his own identity. He's a little of Connery, a little of Moore and tried to do the gritty darkness of Dalton but doesn't come close. Should have just stuck to Remington Steele.
Taking a short break before jumping into the Craig Bonds, which, yes, are knocking it out of the park (except for QoS, going to have to try and put my finger on what, exactly, isn't working there for me...), although I'd like them to bring back Quantum. I enjoy a shadowy enemy organization.
Yes I do.
* Did it have to be "Elektra"? Can't you give the audience some credit?
** You get how that works, right? Good thing, bunch of shitty things, good thing? Good.
...her name is Elektra because she kills her father...like in the Greek plays, Electra.
*** BUT, I thank God and all his Angels EVERY DAY that they didn't follow their original plan to give "Jinx" her own spin off film series. Dodged a huge shit bullet there, people. Get on your knees and give thanks.
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