Like Humans Do

Three days.
For THREE DAYS I have been living among you as a Daylighter.
Waking at 8:00 am, going to sleep before midnight.
Calling my first meal "breakfast" instead of "lunch" or "supper".
And, I have formed a conclusion regarding you who walk in the light: while you may get more done, you are all angry about this fact.
I cannot wait to return to the sweet, silky darkness...

The reason I've been exposing myself to such horrid, quotidian rituals all center around the Acting, to one degree or another. Wednesday and Thursday, it was for two 5-hour rehearsals for tomorrow and Sunday's recording sessions for Electromagnetic Theater, a new podcast/radio play series I'm in and, today, because Carabbas wanted my mouth and the sounds within.
AND I GAVE IT TO THEM.
I've worked with this company before on a Harley-Davidson commercial and...yeah.
Both were commercials.
Right on.
Before the industry shuts down for Christmas and New Years and all that, I have another session with Speakaboos on Thursday which, according to the Executive Content Producer, will be "meaty".
You know I love meat.
You know I love meat!

And now, let's move on to something else.
Specifically four bits of stuff that I have consumed/am in the midst of consuming.

First, after some suggestion from Alan, I have cracked open the first of the Young Bond books, of which there are five. The first one, SilverFin, starts off with Bond's first day at Eton as a 13 year old or something.
I've read about a third and I am utterly unimpressed.
Aside from the fact that this kid will, one day, turn into James Bond and kill some dude with a laser watch, this is pretty boring shit. Also, it appears that SilverFin is some sort of eel man.
I might continue, just to see what the fuck is going on, but I also might not, as Phil's brand new book, the first is his new tetrology, is sitting, hot and steaming, like a blood pie on my windowsill.
That rambled a bit.
I'd much rather read the latest work of fiction from my very good friend then some bullshit about a 13 year old James Bond matching wits with some eel man.

Then, there is American Horror Story, the first season of which Chris and I burned our way through in about four days.
It's like a darker and more in-depth Beetlejuice.
With rape.
And, I'm sorry, but Jesus fucking goddamn CHRIST is Alexandra Breckenridge hotter than lava with a sunburn or WHAT?!*
I love love love that the guys who did Glee did this as well.
Let's see...Zachary Quinto is awesome, the opening credits (visuals by the guy who did the credits for Se7en and music by the former keyboardist from Nine Inch Nails) are amazing nightmare brownie cake and...shit, I don't know, the whole thing is incredible and twisted and I'm gloriously happy that I missed hearing anything about it until now.

But, good TV must, sadly, be opposed by bad TV...and, yes, I'm addressing YOU, Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
So, I missed the phenomenon of Buffy when it was on. My first exposure to Buffy was fucking EVERYONE in my high school overquoting the shit out of it and, if they were a girl, ladyjerking over Spike. I encountered Joss Whedon's writing for the first time (I think) in Firefly, which I loved, then Dollhouse and so on and so forth. Jen made an arrangement with me that if I gave Buffy another chance (I'd watched the first season and was thoroughly unimpressed and puzzled at its popularity and success): just watch a select number of episodes from the second season, and she would, in turn, watch Dollhouse, which she had not touched because of here (completely justified) hatred of Eliza Dushku, the lead character.
While Dollhouse seems to be growing on her (although the core premise makes her rather furious and sick, and rightly so), I am NOT having the same reaction to Buffy.
Some of the issues I'm having:

1. Xander - I can't think of any character that has made me want to crawl inside my TV and make killing more than this pud. I say, out loud, "Shut the fuck up, Xander" several times per episode. And, by the way, before anyone comes back with, "He's written that way on purpose! You're supposed to hate him!", may I offer a retort: AN INTENTIONALLY ANNOYING CHARACTER IS STILL FUCKING ANNOYING.

2. You know...I just don't care enough to list reasons. I'll do my best to watch the five or six more episodes I said I would, "ten millions Americas can't be wrong" and al that. I can't explain it. Maybe this is like my thing with Wes Anderson...everyone I know who has seen all the Wes Anderson movies seems to like every one except one. For me, it's Rushmore. Can't stand it, can't watch it, but, I own everything else the guy has done, and, while I like some (Life Aquatic, Royal Tenenbaums) more than others (Darjeetling Limited, Bottle Rocket), the only one I hate is Rushmore.
Perhaps Buffy is my Rushmore.
Or perhaps I'm putting too much effort into talking about this...

I also watched Disaster Movie.
*sigh*
Can I hire someone to warn me when I start thinking about watching certain TV and movies?
And, here's the thing, I knew what I was in for! I saw Not Another Teen Movie! I saw Epic Movie! This is entirely my fault! Half of this shitty piece of lowest-common-denominator shit was the cast looking puzzled/disgusted/confusing/annoyed/unbelieving/bemused/worried/incredulous at something happening. Then shaking their heads like, "Whoa, what was that, that was weird!!!!!" and then doing it again on a different set.
For 90 minutes.
Two things I enjoyed: the Princess was great and the chipmunks were also pretty great.
But that is about four minuets of funny in an hour and a half long movie.
And I have NO ONE to blame but my fucking self.
This isn't Mystery Science Theater! I AM NOT BEING FORCED TO WATCH THESE THINGS!

And, the last crouton on this shit salad: I played through Lollipop Cheerleader. It's....so substanceless... Or, no, more like a hollow turkey dinner...no...hm...okay, the game's creator, Suda 51, became infamous for his random and somewhat bawdy sense of humor with his utterly out there games like God Hand and No More Heroes and Killer 7, but Lollipop Cheerleader...I don't know, it's like there's nothing there...playing it was a chore, the dialogue was trite and, at times, violently sexist for no reason at all....it's like it doesn't even exist...I can't even put it into words...
So, I won't.
If I'd paid more than $20 for it, I might have been more upset, but I didn't so I'm not.

Moving on...
to nothing.







* I'm a man with a penis. Deal with it. DEAL WITH IT NOW.