3.19.09
4:46pm
First: holy shit, it's already the end of March.
Then: I downloaded Chris Cornell's new album "Scream" last week after the Onion gave it a D- or something along those lines.
I'll just get right to it: Timbaland is not a magic wand.
In the right situation, he can do some amazing stuff and what he does just works perfectly with someone else's music.
The tracks he's done with Bjork, Justin Timberlake and M.I.A. are good (although his "rap" in M.I.A.'s Come Around is wholly shit) because they have all, at times, had a very "Timbaland friendly" way of making music.
As in you can dance to it.
But KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.
Timbaland did all the beats on Cornell album and it all just sounds kind of like a musical joke.
I'll admit I know very little about Chris Cornell.
He was in Soundgarden and I dug some of their stuff although 'Black Hole Sun' was played out for me after the fourth time I'd heard it.
Then he was in Audioslave and I didn't really care.
Then he did the theme for Casino Royale.
I thought it was straightforward and perfect for the tone of the movie.
Then this?
I don't think I've heard more than one or two instances of guitar on this thing..
It's really like Chris Cornell did a bunch of vocals and gave them to Timbaland to place over his least creative beats.
And it has one of the worst "hip hop devices" ever.
The one where, during a quiet part of the song, the producer talks.
Just rambles about something like he's afraid of the silence.
So, in the title track, which is about getting yelled at by someone standing really close to you and not liking that, there is a break between the first chorus and second verse in which Timbaland says something along the lines of:
"Yo girl...why you gotta scream...you see me standing right here...yeah...Chris, sing the second verse..."
Like, the song was 99% done and they were in the studio being like "Mmmm...I don't know Timba...it's almost done...but something's missing..."
And Timba was like "Yo, Chris...I got this."
Ignore this.
8:04pm
If you ever find yourself embroiled in a situation where you must prove someone's essential humanity, I have developed a litmus test for just such an occasion:
Play them 'Hey Jude'.
If they do not sing along with the last four minutes or so, they are not human.
Also, if you play them 'Take On Me' and they do not "air keyboard" along with the keyboard solo.
You'll thank me when this test exposes a replicant in your midst.
And finally...
He is living the goddamn dream.
And you are drinking his goddamn head vodka.
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