A few months ago, Philip was attacked by timber wolves whilst in his home in Miami, Florida. He was quietly practicing strategies for Robo Rally, his favorite game, when a dozen of these shaggy, half crazed wolves approached from all around him. He was able to eat several of the wolves and maim many others but before he could finish the job they disappeared, leaving him barely alive. He was taken to a nearby hospital where his condition was upgraded to stable. Sadly though, during his recovery, the remaining wolves, dressed as friends and well-wishers visited him in the hospital and put bleach into his IV, initiating a slow and painful death.
We will all miss Philip and we know he is escorting angelic strippers to their cars in Heaven...or being sodomized by demons resembling Madison Murphy in Hell, we'll never know for sure. Either way, I'm sure he's surprised.
Before he died, Phil carried on a very full and eventful life in 23 years. He was conceived when two sexy comets hit one another. Although the resulting explosion destroyed several star systems, it did create a being that was later named "Phil" by the Owl People who found him. While he was with the Owl People, he became one with them and learned many of their secrets, most of which he will take with him to Heaven or Hell respectively. After being asked to leave the Owl People for convincing many of their women he was gay just to see what would happen, he went to many, many countries such as Brazil, Britain, Ireland, Scotland, Spain and several others in order to further convolute his bizarre accent. Once he had decided that his accent was appropriately muddled and sexy, he arrived in Florida in 1996 or so. He then began role playing. Then the wolf thing happened. A full, full life.
We can all be assured that Philip's only regret was that no one else was an interested in Robo Rally as he was. Rest in Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment