Ha.

5.12.11

8:56 pm

 

Last night I beat the single player portion of Portal 2.

Without spoiling anything, it's a fantastic ending (paired with a fantastic pun) that surpasses that of the first.

And there is another, excellent JoCo song.

More excellent that Still Alive?

You decide.

 

I also had an hilarious revelation while finishing the game last night.

GLaDOS reminds me of Danielle.

Something about the coldness with just a hint of emotion...

 

And speaking of coldness, I have just embarked upon George Double R Martin's Fire and Ice books.

I'm only a chapter or two in, but it appears promising.

I like wolf babies.

I like Others.

Each of the four books thus far released is about 800 pages, making the total number about 3,200.

Toss in the last three (hopefully published before I die) and that's 6,000 pages, give or take.

THAT is what I'm talking about.

You know, I hear the trogs around me talking about these "great books" they're all reading and passing back and forth like herpes in a college dorm with titles like "Dirty Divorcee" and "Mistress" and "Still A Mistress" (not joking about that last one), and, after wiping the tears of laughter and sorrow from my eyes, I find myself reflecting: what would these people do with an actual good book. Not a good sci-fi or fantasy book, but a good, classic book. Like from a fifth grade reading list?

Would they be able to understand and enjoy it?

Would they think it too "smart"?

Would they set it down and clamor instead for the latest novelization of the new Medea movie?

Would they know what "novelization" means?

Am I being elitist?

Would they know what "elitist" means?

I could ponder on this all day...

...asshole.

 

Last night, TMBG put up their latest podcast which consisted of one song called "Fellowship of Hell".

Flans said it was recorded during the "Join Us" sessions, but will not be on the album.

Which is a goddamn shame because it's great.

With lyrics like "Rock had a baby/and called it 'AHHH!'" and "there is no loathing/like self-loathing", it exhibits that catchy, weird darkness I love and miss about them.

Still about two months out from "Join Us", but "Fellowship of Hell" gives me a spark of hope...unless, of course, they left all the good songs off the album to suffer the fate of b-side and podcast fodder...

Whatever.

The fact that they're making and releasing this good stuff is what matters.

 

This weekend, Sony-willing, I will try out the Portal 2 co-op with Will.

I will also NOT be jumping out of a god damn birthday cake.

Fascists.

 

I'm Different!

5.10.11

3:46 pm

 

I'm not actually different, the title of this entry is a reference to Portal 2.

One of the turrets, if you rescue it from "redemption", will tell you a lot of interesting little things, but only if you heed its lilting, inherently sad cry of "I'm different!".

AAAAAAAAAAAND speaking of clunky segues...I played a heck lot more of Portal 2 last night, experiencing no frustration whatsoever.

This is how the game was meant to be played...

And they've done a great job of actually getting some story up in this bee hatch, a pretty compelling one too.

Not sure where I am in the grand scheme of things, but I'm enjoying myself, so it doesn't matter.

Found out last night that I will (once PSN gets their shit together) be able to play the Portal 2 co-op with Will, me on my PS3, him on his computer.

The Future is finally here.

Way to be, Valve.

 

I've also had a chance to listen to the new Lonely Island a few times and here's some thoughts...

 

First off, these three guys are hilarious and, in my eyes, the reason people still bother to watch SNL.

I'll gladly go even further to say that they've saved SNL.

Okay?

Credit.

Now, that said, the second Lonely Island album, Turtleneck & Chain, is not nearly as good as the first.

In a nutshell, the first album had more tracks that didn't need to rely on the accompanying video to get the joke across, the song itself was finny enough and was enhanced by the video.

While there are a few songs on Turtleneck & Chain that are just great without seeing the joke (like the opener 'We're Back!', 'I Just Had Sex' and 'Motherlover'), the majority of the others ('Shy Ronnie 2', 'Threw It On The Ground', 'The Creep', 'Japan') that are practically incomplete without a visual component.

There are even a couple of tracks that need video to make them anything more than filler, like 'Rocky' and 'Attracted to Us' (probably the worst use of Beck ever. When you have the guy who created Midnite Vultures at your disposal, wring him dry).

I'd like to make clear that this isn't bad, just not as great as the first. We're not talking dropping from an A- to a D or anything, maybe just a B. There are some moments of pure gold like 'Jack Sparrow', which features Michael Bolton doing what all "serious artists" should do and jumping into the world of Lonely Island, feet first, and, the above-mentioned 'Motherlover', both songs that are excellent to begin with and are just improved upon by their ridiculously funny videos.

On its own, Turtleneck & Chain is a good album and only loses its luster when put next to their first.

Luckily, for those who feel like the wait wasn't worth it, you can go to Lonely Island's official web site and watch all their videos, any time you want.

Heck, I have a funny feeling you might even be able to obtain one or two of these songs and videos you like so much that didn't make it on either album some other, less legal way.

Just call it a feeling.

Anyway, while Turtleneck & Chain is a solid, well-made, funny work, there's really nothing on it that can compare to 'Natalie's Rap' from their first album.

Whatever the case, I recommend you buy both their albums, as their doing God's work and reminding the masses that "real" rap can be just as silly as their brand of fake rap.

Sometimes more so.

Lady Dutchess' First Love

5.9.11

3:50 pm

 

No homo.

 

So, the end of Friday and first bits of Saturday were spent playing Portal 2, which is good.

Quite the palette cleanser after Mortal Kombat.

And, although, it's brilliantly written and has J.K. Simmons and Stephen Merchant and that, it can drag and become frustrating at times, like most first person games.

But, this is all for science, so I suppose it's all right.

And those turrets...

Saturday afternoon was Thor for Jim's birthday.

Thor was iight, but I've never been way into Thor, so, yeah, Thorry.

Realized last week that this is utterly the summer of comic book movies.

That was nailed home after seeing previews for X-Men: First Class (looks great, but I fear the inevitable tease of a better, cooler sequel at the end. But, January Jones dressed as the White Queen? Take my pawn. BOING!!), Green Lantern (honestly, I'm just glad this is done with so RR can start making Deadpool, but Kilowog looks pretty cool) and Captain America (already there) back to back to back.

Although I'd trade them all in for the new Batman.

What does that say about me?

That I like Batman?

I'll agree with you.

After the movie, when Chris and I were saying goodbye to Jim, Jen and their friends, there was one girl who may have looked somewhat familiar, but I thought nothing of it and shook her hand saying something about maybe having met her before. She said, "yes, we've met" with this...tone.

Icy, I suppose one might say...or maybe bitchy?

But, like I said, I thought nothing of it until, a few moments later down the block, Chris reminded me that she was none other than Jim's bladed little friend, Kat, who, at Jim and Jen's Chinese New Year party in January, took to drunkenly shredding me for enjoying video games and, then, for relaying something that a friend told me.

Not because of what the friend told me, but because I used the phrase "my friend said".

She was angry because I was "spreading misinformation".

Her words, not mine.

And because I have a touch of facial amnesia, I hadn't remembered that it was She Who Shall Not Be Given An Alcoholic Beverage whose hand I was shaking.

If I had known it was her, I wouldn't have shaken her hand, but rather sidled slowly away from her, covering my genitals with the nearest potted plant.

She made Kaitlyn's one-time alcoholic fuckrant against me look like...well, actually, they were both pretty fierce.

I engender such hatred in drunken girls...why is that?

I'll just go with misdirected sexual desire.

Bingo.

Anyway, after I shook off the buzzsaw's frosty glare from my shoulders, Chris and I set off to meet with Will (and Steve and Chhay and Lorenzo and his wife and Chhay's friends) at Delta Grill where fun occurred.

Just getting over and entering into a period of sickness respectively, Chris and I returned home.

The next day, Will and I gayed it up all over New York City, first having lunch at Spitzer's on Rivington (hickory burgers! yum!) before checking out his hotel room where I broke his balcony door and received some top gear from Will.

Incidentally, I am now a Zero G Coach and have made up an entire line of bullshit in case someone asks about the hat. 

After that, we F & Ced it to the Museum of Natural History so Will could find a spaced-themed piece of baby clothing for his new lawyer's baby son...which is as normal in Will's industry as it is odd in any of ours...and wondered around the Hayden Planetarium, with Will pointing out the glaring mistakes in each and every exhibit...loudly.

We weren't asked t leave, we decided to leave.

Then, we decided we needed tea.

At Alice's Tea Cup.

No homo.

We ordered a pot of Phoenix Dessert Blend or Lady Duchess' First Love to those who aren't afraid to live life out loud, and each had a slice of the daintiest cakes imaginable.

It was...difficult to keep from laughing.

Especially once Will pointed out the cupcakes that had been named "Black Bottoms".

Seriously, what am I supposed to do with that?!

Then I escorted him to the uptown train and I took the downtown (story of my life LOLJK!!!).

Honestly, I have no clue why every time Will and I hang out in New York it gets gay...

Did I mention the sharing of the cream puff a  few years ago? No? Good.

Anyway, I headed home and played more Portal 2, encountering a few twists and some more frustration.

And then it was Monday and I cursed God for his petty vengeance.

 

Oh, also watched I Love You, Philip Morris.

Excellent, excellent movie.

Jim Carrey's still got it.

And the Shawshank Redemption reference was brilliant.

 

This weekend, we're going to Christina's mother's 60th birthday party.

I have told both of her aunts that if they arrange a cake for me to jump out of, I will jump out of it.

No homo.