The bread.
Was media.
The filling.
Was media.
The trimmings.
Was media.
After having it in my home for OVER EIGHT MONTHS, I finally watched David Lynch's fucking The Elephant Man. While I think Lynch did an amazing job of making the movie feel like it was from the 50's, I feel like his signature...uh...Lynchiness kind of got in the way of a really solid story; luckily, he kept his filmic fugues to a minimum and they didn't really affect anything. Hopkins did an awesome job as did, of course, John Hurt. I guess my only problem is when that crowd bursts into Merrick's room, it gets too cartoony and some of the seriousness and trauma of the experience was lost.
Then there's the fact that that whole thing could have easily been avoided if there had been, you know, curtains on the window or...oh, I don't know, a fucking door that could be locked.
He could have also told Hopkins that the Cockney fuckbag was harassing him.
Either way, my eyes were wet the whole time.
Fuck those British fucks for messing with that poor guy.
While in L.A., I had the pleasure of sitting down with friend, actor and armature taxidermist, Graham Skipper and interviewing him for my podcast. He gave me a pile of cool shit to check out (which I will soon consume and report on the moment I have time) and also reminded me of a separate pile of cool sit that I had never seen or had forgotten I had seen. One such shitlet was the original, 1974 version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Much like the first Friday the 13th movie, I feel like TCSM spawned a lot of those trite horror tropes we suffer through today; namely, the seemingly endless running and screaming.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I was rooting for Leatherface.
Partly because those goddamn hippies deserved what they got and partly just to stop the screaming.
Then there was the "going crazy" dinner scene. I can just hear the director: "You three, laugh more! You, cry! Cameraman, zoom in and out on her eyes! More! MORE!!!"
Ugh.
Also: I have never felt less sympathetic for a handicapped character before. He was fat and obnoxious and complaining the whole time and the moment he was vivisected by Mr. Face was one of the most rewarding moments of the film. I guess it's true what they say: even those brave souls living with physical challenges can still be annoying assholes.
Rest in pieces, Franklin, I hope they use your skin for a bath mat.
I will say that it was interesting not to have everything wrapped up and explained for a change. It felt more real and chaotic.
Two alternate titles:
Hitchhikers: No, Dude. Never.
And
In Thirty Years, Rob Zombie Is Going To Write This Movie A Love Letter
Another one of Graham's recommends was Attack The Block, something I completely missed because I had confused it was some shitty American action movie involving police.
While I dug this, I had a lot of trouble seeing those kids as protagonists and rooting for them because of their attack on that woman at the start. I understand that was kind of the point, but what they ended up doing never really redeemed them for me. Maybe I'm too much of a feminist, but, yeah, I think those little shits deserved a bit more suffering.
I also thought Al Swearegen was the bad guy before they introduced Cy Tolliver.
Nick Frost was, obviously, gold, as were those two little kids. While this wasn't exactly Shaun of the Dead with aliens, it was almost Shaun of the Dead with aliens. And that should count for something.
I would like to thank The Streets and Jamie T. for the dialect lessons that allowed me to fully enjoy this film.
So...you know how we all have those friends who haven't seen ______ and it just makes us sick or furious or whatever?
Yeah, I had never seen Blade Runner until a few nights ago.*
And...you know how there are those movies that sort of need to be seen at a certain point in one's life in order to have the proper impact and effect? Movies like The Goonies, Heathers, Labyrinth etc? I think this might count as one such movie. Which is not to say I didn't like it or dig what was going on, I just felt that, after all the talk and hype and homages and with how deep it's sunk into sci-fi culture and everything that there would be more to it. I also haven't read Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, but, if it's related to Blade Runner in the same fashion We Can Remember It For You Wholesale is related to Total Recall, well, it probably won't be of much help.
I think the problem I had was that they set up this awesome future world but you only get a little glimpse of it before Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer (in one of the most terrifying roles I have ever fucking seen him in) start chasing each other around and playing Touchcock.
Also, two questions for you: was M. Emmet Walsh ever young?
And can we sue someone over D.C. Comics totally stealing the idea for Harley Quinn from Daryl Hannah in this movie?
In addition, I would like to go on record as stating that Daryl Hannah is superhot and that I'd give her a VK test any day.
Right before she kicks me through a fucking wall.
Rowr.
On a recommend from Jen Rock and the ever-ebullient Autumn Conkle, I have started watching Alphas despite the fact that it only got two seasons and that the second season ends on an unresolved cliffhanger. It walks a thin line between X-Men and Heroes but has been enjoyable enough to keep my attention.
It might also be one of my favorite roles for Summer Glau AKA one of the only roles I have seen her in without autism or being a robot or being a lab rat or being a robot with autism powered by a lab rat.
I still think she needs a good, home-cooked meal though.
She's wasting away.
I enjoyed the whole thing with Anna and Gary, but not a whole lot else is popping out for me. I like the episodes that feed into the larger story as opposed to the wacky villain one-offs or the random "character's past" episodes, especially since I know there is only a finite number of episodes left.
I also like playing the game where I name the D.C. or Marvel counterpart to whatever character they introduce in Alphas.
Chris and I have just finished the most recent season of Mad Men which, at the risk of sounding ignorant and plebeian, I feel is just doing shit to do it for no real discernable reason.
Let's make Don a dick in this episode but then do something nice in this episode.
Let's make Peter continue to want things. To have.**
Roger makes a sad, funny, sharp joke!!!
Shoot that dude in the face with a fucking shotgun...hang on...did that actually happen?
While I am very much looking forward to what happens next...I can't really really prepare my mind for it.
Is it masterfully crafted subtly or prolonged, exaggerated cockstroking, punctuated by a fast and messy spurt of sticky consequences?
Also: Christina Hendricks remains hotter than forty suns on fire.
And, finally, I just got back into Californication after completely forgetting about it for two whole seasons.
And, yes, while the show does really only revolve around how naughty David Duchovny is while either being with or trying to be with his ex-wife, I enjoy it for what it is: an adult, serialized televising show based on Porky's.
I also love Pam Aldon, Stephen Tobolowsky, the passive aggression (and aggressive aggression) between Jason Baghe and Duchovny, and the bromance between Even Handler and Duchovny.
Plus, the fifth season has RZA in it, and I firmly believe there is not one show or movie out today that could not be improved by his presence.
I will admit that the easy pace and laid back attitude towards everything makes me not want to move to California, but, a.) I am a pretty high strung dude, and, b.) this is a television show shot in the Czech Republic, so I probably shouldn't put too much stock in it.
Whew.
So there's that.
Coming soon, thanks to Mr. Skipper's kind recommendation: Possession, Bellflower and XTRO.
* OR I did see it and it left no impression on me. For whatever reason.
** HOW COULD ANYONE CHEAT ON HIS WIFE SHE IS SO UNCONTROLLABLY HOT YOU DUMB ASSFACE?!?!?!? ***
*** LOTS of cognitive dissonance related to Allison Brie when I happen to watch both Mad Men and Community. "I have the weirdest boner..."
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