The week thus far:
ZEGNA, Rainbow Rewards, USAA Mobile App, Optimum
Sex mouth...with an Italian swoosh, huge super hero announcer voice, "that techy friend that we all have...but totally conversational", same as before but with less character.
Cutting right to the bullshit: while in the booth with the other guy in the spot, the client (guy representing Rainbow Rewards), who had shown up 20 minutes late to his OWN audition therefore delaying the room full of actors about 45 minutes, says, out loud with the studio mic open, "Uh, his read was too slow", in a dismissive tone that said, "Yeah, we're not going to cast him."
Dude.
DUDE.
A. I'm right here and completely heard you say that and B. have me read the 30 second spot again, you wang, don't toss my shit out because I didn't read it fast enough.
Fucking. Unprofessional. Xmax.
Then, this morning's USAA audition, which was that worst kind of pap, had me talking about a mobile app for USAA (no idea what that us) in detail...but as if I were just having a conversation.
Yeah, no prob.
Hi, Bus Friend, I know I'm just this guy sitting next to you on a bus, but I see you have a mobile device and I'm pretty sure you'd like...no...LOVE to hear about an app that allows you to make business investments! You can download it and store it right next to Angry Birds!!!
So.
Nailed that one.
Then off to do the same audition I did last week, but in a different place and with less character.
Those last two took place today, the first alllll the way over on 11th and 25th in one of those studios that was totally someone's apartment.
I walked in and some guy told me to take a seat and to give him a holler when I was ready. I did so, and was taking a look at this totally natural script when he proceeded to make a super condescending phone call before hanging up and then screaming, "Jesus fucking Christ! Get your fucking head out of your ASS!"
I was going to say something like, "Sorry..." in a really small voice to try and defuse the situation, but this guy was maybe a little too intense for, you know, humor.
Think John Malkovich when he plays really angry.
That audition...did not go well...
Then, as I had an unexpected gulf of time between my second audition (Optimum- **fart noise**) and my Five Star Employee luncheon with the executive VP and director of development here at the Hospital*, I stopped by Midtown Comics to catch up on Walking Dead (WOO!) and The Boys (please be done soon). You know, I only go there a few times a year, but every time I do, I feel so at home. In the ten minutes or so I spent wandering around, I heard three different nerdy conversations that I could have totally weighed in on, and, while I was in line, I saw an MC employee cultivating a huge stack of basics to get this young kid further into comics. He knew and liked Hellboy and some other lighthearted demon thing, but had yet to see Avengers.
I don't know, the whole thing just warmed my heart and excited me: the stuff this kid has to look forward to...
I may have just witnessed the birth of a geek.
I also bought a Deadpool t-shirt that I'd been eyeing for a while on Think Geek.
Then, to my luncheon, which was just as awkward as you might imagine, although I did my best to stand out from the usual folks here as intelligent, well spoken, witty and devastatingly handsome.
Mission: accomplished.
Where are my pants?
**GRIN**
And now?
Well, I'm struggling to stay awake of course, what else?
Just received an e-mail that Comcast want me back in a few weeks from now, so that's shiny...
Hopefully one of these other auditions will pay off...but not the scary one...I did not like that, no sir.
All right.
I'm through.
*You never believe me when I say I'm good at my job when I do it...Will.
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