1. I Hope That I Get Anal For Christmas
lyrics by Guido Paparazzi
sung by George Washington Diarrhea
backing vocals, arrangement and production by Seymour Bitts
harmonica solo by Stevie IWonderWhyIDidThis
This was written years ago after Mr. Paparazzi had been exposed to, literally, hours of the terrible, bland Christmas music, like so much aural boiled cabbage, that haunts all the Lite Rock stations from the first of November to the end of December, wandering around the airwaves like sound zombies looking to sink teeth into the brains of anyone and everyone unfortunate enough to come in contact with it. As much a reaction to just this type of boring pap as a statement, of sorts, it will hopefully join such non-traditional Christmas songs as Beck's Little Drum Machine Boy and Mono Puff's Careless Santa.
Probably not though.
Let's be realistic.
Although if it did catch on and take off, the video would star Billy Bob Thornton as Santa doing horrible, horrible things to women's asses.
Horrible.
2. Jingle Dogs (French Expressionist version)
traditional song
performed by George Washington Diarrhea
What could possibly breathe life into the dull, age old tradition of 'Jingle Bells'?
Dogs.
God damn barking dogs could breathe life into the dull, age old tradition of 'Jingle Bells'.
And they did.
This version strives to scale back on some of the joyousness and frivolity and fun with which the dogs imbued it.
Strives and succeeds.
What The Beatles' "So This Is Christmas" is to the entire holiday music genre, "Jingle Dogs (French Expressionist version)" is to "Jingle Dogs".
Encapsulated in this song is the true meaning of Christmas: there is no God, there is only Dog...and He is barking.
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