The Music of the Spheres

3.20.08

10:13 pm

Oh ho yes indeed.

The Music of the Spheres.

The Spheres of Terrible R&B.

Specifically, Usher.

Usher’s new "joint" is entitled "Love In The Club".

Or maybe "Love In This Club" (it’s hard to go off half-cocked if you know exactly what it is you’re talking about...in all honestly, I’m really not even sure it IS Usher but again, a half cock in your hand is...worth......gross, never mind).

Whatever the case, I heard the title first and thought to myself, "Aww, that’s kind of sweet.  Taking such a gross, sticky, sex and drug laden place and imparting it with some sense of romance is kind of nice."

Then, oh silly silly me, I listened to the song.

Silly silly.

Me.

The song is not, as I had dared to dream, about catching someone’s eye across the crunk and vial littered floor of a club and finding True Love, no.

It’s about wanting to fuck someone SO BADLY that you do it...in the club.

L’amor.

The chorus is actually "make love in this club".

One line in particular (paraphrased xmax; half cock, you understand) stands out like a priest’s erection on Easter (TOPICAL!!!!)

"I’ve got the medicine that you need the most/and I know you’re gonna swallow every dose"

Ah euphemisms...sweet, sweet euphemisms...for semen.

Whatever the case, this wet piece of shit is better than that fucking obnoxious idiot anthem "Yeah Yeah Yeah (Yeah Yeah Yeah)" that dominated our charts AND hearts in recent years.

Although that isn’t saying much.

Like, "Hey, today there’s more blood than pus coming out of my penis! Yay!" isn’t saying much.

Half a cock...in your hand.