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3.1.07
8:28 PM
All this Nine Inch Nails stuff has kind of made me not give a shit about the Scissor Sisters concert this weekend.
Hm.
Meanwhile: I finished the Bond novel "The Spy Who Loved Me" just now.
This novel features the character who, in the movies, is called 'Jaws'.
Turns out his name in the book is "The Horror" which is a nickname.
His real name?
Sol Horowitz.
Jaws is a Jew.
That creates laughter inside my self.
And now I need your help...
From 5:30 pm to 7 pm every weekday I have a break.
I don't like to eat during it because I tend to get food delivered to the job so I can kill time in that fashion.
Here's where I need your help:
What should I do on my hour and a half break?
If I need to run home, I can do that, but I would probably only have 10 minutes before I have to rush out again.
Give me some ideas.
Here's what I have done recently:
Had pizza.
Had Starbucks.
Bought a Blu-ray.
Visited Lisa and Becca (but they were watching TV).
Trying not to spend money, people.
I was thinking about maybe just riding a bus downtown for 45 minutes and then riding it uptown for another 45.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
So far, that possibility is in the lead.
Just get to know my iPod a little better.
Maybe make some bus friends.
I think I've already sort of made a Subway friend.
The past two nights on the 6 train at 11 or so I have seen the same homeless guy.
He tends to sleep on the bench at the very front or back of the last or second to last car.
I know it's the same guy because he removes his sneakers before crashing out.
Some day, just to freak him out and shift the status quo I might steal his shoes.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Or maybe I'll bump into him, drop a bag and then demand he pays me for my Snapple which I'll insist he spilt.
HAHAHAHAHA
It's thinking like this that's going to get me shot.
You know, I was thinking that I might be misinterpreting the prophecy (that I'm going to be killed by a minority).
I mean, 'minority' doesn't mean a Black or a Green or something like that necessarily.
I could be killed by a left-handed person.
Only 1 in 9 Americans are left-handed, so that counts.
Or maybe an Eskimo.
I want that on my obelisk (yeah, I decided that I want a huge fucking obelisk for a grave marker) "Was killed by a fucking Eskimo while heroically rescuing his family from a sinking ship and despoiling a porpoise at the same time".
Hm, that's a bit crowded.
Well, since I now have an obelisk, perhaps I'll have four different versions of my epitaph.
Good one.
Along with figuring out what to do during my break, also submit possible epitaphs for me.
One side is going to be "Unstoppable porpoise fucking machine", another is going to be the killed by an Eskimo thing, so that leaves two sides.
While I would like to do the "Royal Tannenbaum" thing, that might be too unoriginal.
Back to the break thing, I'm sure once the weather gets better Central Park will become a more realistic suggestion, but for the next month or so...what do I do?
Also: with the help of Drew, Jeannie and maybe even the Figa Man, I might be upgrading my entertainment system soon-ish.
In the new apartment, we are at the point where all the basic stuff is working and we must now paint and decorate and add dogs and trimmings and curtains and stuff like that.
I fear these things may never get done.
I went to Home Depot (the HUGE mausoleum one on 59th and 3rd) alone for the first time and was scared shitless.
The second time I went I felt like Bob Villa on crack.
I wanted to buy door knockers and light fixtures and grout and caulk (delicious caulk) and brackets and bolts and levels and chainsaws and carpets and a whole fuckload of other shit I don't need or really want.
I have never felt more Hetero.
A forklift.
I wanted to buy a forklift too.
In case I needed to knock over some Port-O-Potties or something.
And lighter fluid.
In case I need to write something in fire.
You know.
Do they have hammers at Home Depot?
No, not regular hammers, what a silly question, I mean big, fuck-all sledge hammers that I can carry around maternity wards.
Wow. What a brilliant image.
Okay, Christina, first project of the Artist's Collective or whatever name we give ourselves: a short film involving me wearing all black, a black hood and silently walking through a maternity ward at night with a fucking sledgehammer.
The film will be called "4th Trimester Abortionist".
Or maybe we can spin the message a little by turning it into a commercial. We just add the tagline:
Use Trojans. It's better that way.
Fucking hell am I brilliant.
Also again: I'm going to be in another play.
This one will be shorter and better, I think.
I have yet to read the script.
It goes up March 31st to April 2nd I believe.
It has something to do with baseball.
A subject which I know lots about.
And enjoy.
A lot.
Yes.