Goat Toast

3.13.07
4:58 PM
So I was just flipping through a phone book to find the number to a Barnes & Noble (it's a new chain of strip clubs. Very classy...) and I saw an ad for an abortion...place.
Clinic seems a bit tongue in cheek.
Anyway, the ad has a sexy picture of three girls on a beach, enjoying their newly empty uteruses, one would assume.
"We treat you special" was a phrase that kept popping up.
The small mistake in grammar made that one VERY unsettling.
On the next page was an ad for what, at first glance, appeared to be a whorish modeling agency.
Nope.
Abortion place.
There were three headshots with quotes running down the right side of the page.
"I felt special here"
"They made me feel safe"
"The staff was terrific"
Again, rather off putting.
Also, all three girls were Latinas and looking like they would be seen in the same abortion place time and time again.
I guess there's no real standard for phone book advertising?
If not, I have GOT to start opening businesses simply to advertise in there.
Today, I have no need for time wasting suggestions, because I HAVE ERRANDS TO RUN!!!!!
First off, to the bank to deposit MY FULL SECURITY DEPOSIT!!!!
Once that check clears I can start sending boxes of shit to Mark Scharfman and making lewd and threatening phone calls.
Maybe from my new LIC number.
Next, to Duane Reade to pick up some Stopples.
I LOVE STOPPLES!
And no, they are not suppositories, although that would be an excellent name for them.
Then to Best Buy to pick up Casino Royale (yeah, I kind of forgot to finish typing up the rest of those reviews. Maybe someday since there has been such outcry for them....) and to look into photo printers, photo paper and ink.
Chris and I have decided to do something creative with our massive fucking hallway.
Then, maybe, to Gamestop to maybe pick up the new God of War game.
It's a very solid game (the first one) and the second one is apparently, more of the same but with some xmax thrown in to tickle the gaming community's collective pickle.
However, it just came out and paying $50+ for a video game that will be $20 in a month or two is stupid.
Then again...I AM pretty stupid...

7:12 PM
The GOW decision was taken out of my hands by the fact that it is sold out in a lot of places.
Well then.
I bought Casino Royale.
I bought Stopples.
I researched photo printers.
I ate pizza.
Very thorough break.
Only 5,649,140 to go before I'm a millionaire and can quit.

9:34 PM
"We need a Best Man"
"Ook."
"Well, at least put some clothes on."