God's got his finger in my ass...

1.24.07
5:55 PM
When it comes to bad days, I tend not to mark them down as such.
I let it pass and, occasionally reflect, fuck, that was a bad day.
Every once in a while though, there is a day (or series of days) SO bad that the events on said day(s) etch themselves into my mind so deeply that I am forced to reflect upon them.
Yesterday and today have been such days.
Some background:
Christina and I have stopped looking for an apartment.
We stopped looking about a week ago when her and I, working on a tip her friend Jen gave us, we walked into a place in her building out in Long Island City.
There was a paint splattered man who was surly until he found out we were Jen's friends.
Long story short, this place was perfect. 2 bedrooms, quiet and safe neighborhood with one and a half times the space (it even had 2 fucking closets!!!!) for just $54 more than what we are paying now.
We put in the application and everything seemed perfect.
We had found our new home.
Then:
Yesterday I was contacted and informed that our app was rejected.
I informed the lady (who was helpful and friendly throughout) that we love the apartment and was there any way we could get it?
She said if we were able to pay the yearly rent up front, we could have it.
In other words, if Christina and I could come up with $18,336 and change, we could have it.
I told her I was going to call her back in thirty minutes.
In those thirty minutes I called my father, Chris called her grandmother, aunt and cousin.
Between the five of us, we had the total.
My father, who spent over 40 years in real estate, suggested I find out if the owners of the building will take the first six months rather than the whole year, which was quite a lot of money, even dispersed unevenly among five people.
I called the lady back and asked her to ask them.
She said she would get back to me today.
Around 3ish, I call her (proactive one that I am) and she informs me that the owner will not accept the year's rent because this is a stabilized apartment and does not want to be obligated to renew a lease for people whose application was rejected.
So, the apartment was to be ours only if Chris and I borrowed thousands of dollars from our respective families, and then that was taken from us as well.
Along with this apartment shit, Chris has her own thing jump up ON THE SAME FUCKING DAY and earlier today I was told by my agent that some theatre company was offering me a part in a New York/New Jersey tour of Doctor Doolittle: The Play for a nice chunk of change only to find out a half hour later that they were looking for A DIFFERENT Paul.
Wrapping all this diseased feces up in a nice shit tortilla, tomorrow is my Birthday.
People, say good bye to me now, because if these things come in threes, I will probably get cancer and then burn to death in a horrible electric fire tomorrow.
Aside from a handful of horrific eye memories, this is, without hyperbole, the worst couple of days in my life thus far.
Congratulations go out to all those who wish me ill.
Whatever blood you're using, it works.
Invest in whatever brand of black magic candle you just used.
Cackle maniacally.
Enjoy.
I will post what sort of cancer I have tomorrow as long as my fingers have not been sheared off by some piece of malfunctioning machinery.