From Russia With No

11.13.06
3:22 PM
In preparation for “Casino Royale”, I am planning on watching all 20 (not including the tongue-in-cheek half-parody remake of “Thunderball” from the 80’s) original Bond movies.
I finished “Dr. No” earlier today.
Pure fucking Bond. No silly gadgets or ridiculous stunts and plenty of Scottish smarm.
Even the villain is somewhat normal. He’s just a typical half-German, half-Chinese evil genius who has metal hands.
Yawn.
It was excellent to see Bond using talcum powder and a hair from his head to determine if someone had been in his room rather than a tube of toothpaste containing nanites.
Not that there’s anything wrong with the toothpaste nanites, the laser gun/Polaroid or the wristwatch/buzz saw/electromagnet.
I love the crazy shit they come up with, but I also love the fact that Bond didn’t always have Q Branch to equip him with flying underpants and lemon-powered suspenders.
Anyway, I’m going to have an excellent week.
Why?
Tomorrow the 4th season of Family Guy comes out on DVD, the Sci-Fi thing I did should be up on YouTube, my copy of the Starwood VO is on its way, I’m expecting 6 items from Ebay and, to cap everything off, I will either be seeing the new Bond or…doing something really cool on Saturday.
Since I’ve mentioned it here and there, I’ll probably just being seeing the new Bond, but whatever, that’s a great second prize.
As a side note: anyone interested in going to Vegas with Lauren and I to see Prince on December 10th? Let me know.

5:32 PM
I just finished “From Russia With Love”. This is one of the only James Bond movies that refers to an earlier movie. Actually, aside from “Die Another Day” (the 20th film and the film franchise’s 40th anniversary) none of the other films really refer to any others, aside from a mention of Bond’s dead wife here and there. This one had a great character named Kerim Bey. He was a big political guy from Istanbul and he and Bond had some great dialogue.
In this one, we get a more in depth look at S.P.E.C.T.R.E., the organization bent on world domination. We see their hierarchy and learn that its members are numbered from highest ranked (Ernst Stavro Blofeld) on down. We also see the end of numbers 3 and 5. Poor 3 and 5…
And we see (and by “see” I mean “it’s indicated”, we don’t get penetration or anything…regrettably) James Bond’s only threesome in the series…with two gypsies. Lucking fucking Brit.
This one ups the number of gadgets, but nothing too bizarre.
There is a briefcase that has a teargas bomb that blows up in your face if you don’t open it correctly, a throwing knife, a portable sniper rifle and some gold sovereigns. There is also a little device that let’s you know if your phone is being tapped. Again, nothing too crazy.
One thing I have to point out, Bond’s one liners are usually golden cheese. In other words, they make you groan out loud, but with a smile on your face.
For instance, in “Dr. No”, Bond is being chased by a bunch of assassins in a hearse. The chase ends with the bad guys flying off a cliff and exploding. Some guy comes up and says, “Hey what was that?” or some other generic bystander line. Bond looks at him, smiles and says, “I think they were on their way to a funeral.” You can actually hear the TING as the light glints off his teeth.
There are at least three or four of these in any self-respecting Bond movie, but one I must point out was so stupid it was hilarious.
In “Russia”, Bond is being chased by a helicopter. Long story short, he shoots it down, it crashes and explodes. He looks to the girl and says, “It looks like one of their aircraft is missing.”
That’s fucking hilarious.
It’s like he said, “I shot down one of their helicopters.” Brilliant.
And now, the count:
Dr. No Means Yes = 3 (chick he beats at cards, Chinese/American chick working for the bad guys, shell collecting girl who ends up as his companion until the end of the movie)
From Russia With A Boner = 4 (same chick that he beat at cards*, two cat fighting gypsies, Russian chick who betrays her country for lots of Bond cock**)
* This is the only time you see the same girl in two movies. I guess they abandoned the idea of carrying over women when they calculated just how many he would be dealing with.
**They scrumped multiple times (at least three), but this is about the number of women, not the number of orgasms.
In 20 movies, he must have banged at least 70 women and I’m pretty sure there was no mention of protection in any of these encounters. I’d like to think that some day, all the women he’s boinked and given an STD or child to will rise up against him and get their revenge.
I’m pretty weird though.