It's Stove Top, bitch.
Nine Inch Nails
On November 17th, Reznor posted that he had just finished sequencing the Dragon Tattoo score...and that it clocks in at two hours and forty minutes.
Then, on November 18th he took that back and said, with transitions, it was no clocking in at two hours and fifty five minutes.
Which means I was wrong when I postulated that this was to be a double album.
It's going to be a triple album.
If he releases one more triple album before the end of the year...he'll officially be Prince.
He also states that more information will be available on December 2nd and the Internet Rumor Mill states that the score itself will be out on December 5th.
Right after this is posted.
Dick.
Based on the way things went down with the Social Network score, this is probably going to include some free tracks from the score, the complete tracklisting (replete with ridiculously overwrought titles) and purchase/pre-order options.
Fingers crossed for another Blu-Ray with a 5.1 mix on it...
And the music on Comes Forth In The Thaw dot com continues to evolve weekly.
Once the album comes out, these songs will appear in their final versions, static, unchanging, but, now, on this site, people get to experience something like an exploded view of this new music as it changes and develops into something different.
It makes one feel like they're a part of something living as opposed to just a consumer buying a product.
In addition to his news about finishing the score, Reznor states that, with Dragon Tattoo out the door to be mastered, he's 100% focused on mixing the full length How To Destroy Angels album.
Let us give thanks...and pray it's out before 2013.
Amen.
Beck
Listen up, you goddamn hippy asshole...cut your hair and get a job.
Then release some fucking music.
Stoner.
They Might Be Giants
Between the more or less solid "Album Raises New And Troubling Questions" and their eternal, insufferable touring, these guys are doing what they should.
And, in a little over two months, I'll be in California to see them doing it.
Eels
You know, the epic nature of THREE albums in FOURTEEN MONTHS still has yet to lose its luster. That plus everything else that's going on (see entry for Nine Inch Nails), I'm totally willing to give E another few months. Enjoy, you sullen, bearded bastard, enjoy.
Cake
Something.
Actually something.
Something small, but something nonetheless.
Cake is shooting a video to their third and, most likely, final single from their January 2011 release, Showroom of Compassion, "Moustache Man (Wasted)".
They sent out a call for men and women with moustaches and those creepy rape-vans from the 70's that often times have murals painted on the sides.
Should be a fun one.
Cake's music videos are pretty hit or miss, but those that hit, hit well.
And they are still touring, mostly the West Coast.
No news about that (fake) new album they mentioned back in May.
In other news...
Marilyn Manson regained consciousness in a small, cardboard box, croaked once, broke wind, then passed out again.
Garbage is still doing whatever bands actually do in that huge gulf of time between the completion of their album and its release. Photo shoots, interviews, hair appointments, ...buying...jars of...hands...
Look, just put the fucking thing out already.
It's done.
You're not going to suddenly garner more fans in five months.
If people like you and/or remember you, they'll listen, if not, they won't.
If the album is great, new listeners will hear about it and join the party.
Word of mouth, you silly bitches, WORD OF MOUTH.
JFC*...
You came out in 1995, disappeared for six years and now you're back.
Just make an amazing album, that's all you can really do.
The Charlotte Gainsbourg double album, Stage Whisper, is coming out on December 13th.
One disc is a live CD and the other is b-sides and leftovers from various places, including her "IRM" sessions, featuring the closest thing to new Beck music that anyone will hear ever again.
Which is sad, but good...like a priest having an orgasm.
Tweaker still has that sassy little message (tweaker will return in 2011) up on their home page, but, you know, that's kind of milky.
I mean...technically, since all the members of the group are still alive, they never really went anywhere and as they have been making new Tweaker music in 2011, then, yes, Tweaker has returned in 2011...but...well...is the album coming out in 2011 or what?
Vrenna has posted a few times that "you are going to love the guests on the new album". and yeah, obviously he thinks that.
I mean, is he really going to be like, "Well...we're happy, but you all might have some doubts..."?
Underneath that post is a link to their (oddly) still active "vote for who you want on the new Tweaker album" poll.
Nine Inch Nails has 51 votes, and everyone else has 13 or under.
I wonder if Tweaker will take the hint...
What they're missing, friends, is clarification.
And you know how much I hates that.
A much.
A so much.
That's how much I hates that.
Hopefully, in our next Bitchfest, we'll have a brand new Tweaker album to complain about.
Cavalcade of Link
The Null Corporation (come December 2nd, shits gonna go OFF)
12.1.11
12:38 am
ADDENDUM!!!!!!
Two things:
First, Chris Vrenna left Marilyn Manson (ther band, not the unconscious self-aggrandizing flop) which is great and the three-disc "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" score is available for pre-order on amazon.com for $27.50 right now. It will be released (on disc) on the 27th of December.
3:14 am
Just as I fucking thought...I post this and all hell breaks loose...
So, Reznor tweeted that he and some others are working on packaging for all SIX vinyls and THEN How To Destroy Angels tweeted that they've contributed a cover of Bryan Ferry's "Is Your Love Strong Enough?" to the fucking soundtrack as well.
Hey...go buy this thing when it's out....assholes...
*Jesus Fucking Christ (patent pending)
11.30.2011
BEACH GAME!!!!
11.30.11
3:22 pm
Recently, I watched Danny Boyle's "The Beach".
It should have been titled "Someone Took A Shit On The Beach".
Because watching it was the equivalent of stepping in a pile of sand-covered feces on a beach...for two hours.
Danny Boyle earned a hell of a lot of cred with "Trainspotting" and lost it all on this bag of balls.
From the random character choices made by characters you didn't care about to all the pointless yelling and then the fact that the idea of paradise is a bunch of smelly hippies with an unlimited supply of weed.
Yes.
Paradise is a commune, folks.
Run by Tilda Swinton, perhaps the strangest-looking woman in Hollywood...although she was great in "Constantine".
And, at the end of the movie, all the poor, life-is-too-hard-man-so-just-roll-up-a-joint-and-let-the-sun-GOOOOOOO-BAYBEEEE!!!! stoners have to leave their sticky, green Shangri La and return to the real world.
Total bummer, dude.
I'm sure once they reconnect with their respective dealers though, that life will be a little easier.
And thank goodness for that.
I'm willing to wave away this fart of a movie simply because everything else this guy has done has been great and everybody gets one.
"The Beach" is Danny Boyle's one.
Let's move on...
In anticipation of Fincher's "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" remake, I've been reading up on him.
Did you know the first thing he directed was a music video for Rick fucking Springfield?
It's for a song called "Bop Til You Drop" and could not have less to do with Rick Springfield or bopping.
It (sort of) still holds up and was probably one of the weirder things on MTV at that time.
Or certainly one of the most ambitious.
After a handful of interviews, I realized two things: that he's kind of a megalomaniacal, control-freak dick (which makes for a great director) and that I need to watch more of his stuff.
I had totally forgotten that he directed "The Game" back in 1997, a movie which involves Michael Douglas in an "ARG" when an "ARG" was merely something the Hulk exclaimed in comics.
If you haven't seen "The Game", see it.
It's a brilliantly made mindfuck of a movie.
Michael Douglas is great as is Sean Penn.
Granted, it's one of those "The Usual Suspects" type revelation movies, but, also like "Usual Suspects", it's fun the whole way through.
And it still holds up.
I plan to rewatch both "Panic Room" and "Zodiac", though I remember not loving either of them.
Then, once I've gotten through them, I'm going to do "Fight Club" and "Se7en", two of my favorite movies.
Between those two and "12 Monkeys", I learned to love Brad Pitt for more than his DSLs and myriad abs.
So yes, in short, avoid "The Beach" like a dirty hypo lying on a beach and embrace "The Game" as the kick ass future glimpse it was/is.
Also, next Friday, I am going to be recording a bunch of characters for an upcoming Speakaboos project.
Google Speakaboos, think of me and then laugh and laugh.
3:22 pm
Recently, I watched Danny Boyle's "The Beach".
It should have been titled "Someone Took A Shit On The Beach".
Because watching it was the equivalent of stepping in a pile of sand-covered feces on a beach...for two hours.
Danny Boyle earned a hell of a lot of cred with "Trainspotting" and lost it all on this bag of balls.
From the random character choices made by characters you didn't care about to all the pointless yelling and then the fact that the idea of paradise is a bunch of smelly hippies with an unlimited supply of weed.
Yes.
Paradise is a commune, folks.
Run by Tilda Swinton, perhaps the strangest-looking woman in Hollywood...although she was great in "Constantine".
And, at the end of the movie, all the poor, life-is-too-hard-man-so-just-roll-up-a-joint-and-let-the-sun-GOOOOOOO-BAYBEEEE!!!! stoners have to leave their sticky, green Shangri La and return to the real world.
Total bummer, dude.
I'm sure once they reconnect with their respective dealers though, that life will be a little easier.
And thank goodness for that.
I'm willing to wave away this fart of a movie simply because everything else this guy has done has been great and everybody gets one.
"The Beach" is Danny Boyle's one.
Let's move on...
In anticipation of Fincher's "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" remake, I've been reading up on him.
Did you know the first thing he directed was a music video for Rick fucking Springfield?
It's for a song called "Bop Til You Drop" and could not have less to do with Rick Springfield or bopping.
It (sort of) still holds up and was probably one of the weirder things on MTV at that time.
Or certainly one of the most ambitious.
After a handful of interviews, I realized two things: that he's kind of a megalomaniacal, control-freak dick (which makes for a great director) and that I need to watch more of his stuff.
I had totally forgotten that he directed "The Game" back in 1997, a movie which involves Michael Douglas in an "ARG" when an "ARG" was merely something the Hulk exclaimed in comics.
If you haven't seen "The Game", see it.
It's a brilliantly made mindfuck of a movie.
Michael Douglas is great as is Sean Penn.
Granted, it's one of those "The Usual Suspects" type revelation movies, but, also like "Usual Suspects", it's fun the whole way through.
And it still holds up.
I plan to rewatch both "Panic Room" and "Zodiac", though I remember not loving either of them.
Then, once I've gotten through them, I'm going to do "Fight Club" and "Se7en", two of my favorite movies.
Between those two and "12 Monkeys", I learned to love Brad Pitt for more than his DSLs and myriad abs.
So yes, in short, avoid "The Beach" like a dirty hypo lying on a beach and embrace "The Game" as the kick ass future glimpse it was/is.
Also, next Friday, I am going to be recording a bunch of characters for an upcoming Speakaboos project.
Google Speakaboos, think of me and then laugh and laugh.
11.28.2011
Last night, I saw the new Muppets movie...
11.28.11
7:37 pm
...after another excellent meal at Bareburger with Chris.
And I have some thoughts...
First, I must say that I disagree with the overall premise: that the Muppets have been forgotten.
Maybe I'm not hanging around the right grade/pre-schools, but the Muppets are eternal.
You watch Sesame Street until you are old enough for the Muppets proper and then you are a real human being, no questions.
The idea that they have somehow become unpopular is ridiculous.
Not enough disbelief to suspend.
Next, Jack Black was the biggest and most relevant star they could find?
Really?
The Muppets?
Settling for Jack Black?
Someone in Hollywood is not doing their job.
And Selina Gomez?
Yeech.
At least she was only in it for a moment.
During which I farted.
Kristin Schaal, on the other hand, was wonderful, as always.
The music, also, was excellent, Brett McKenzie nailed it, although pretty much all the songs sound exactly like Flight of the Conchords.
But whatever.
They work and are delightful.
As is Amy Adams.
I think I enjoyed her simply by virtue of the fact I've never seen her in anything.
Which, based on peoples' opinions of her, is probably a good thing.
And I loved that Scooter now works for Google.
The fact that both myself and a Muppet have had the same name on our paychecks (on a few occasions, at least) just makes me feel magical.
I've always felt a connection with the Muppets, as I grew up two blocks from Jim Henson's home and had my picture taken there in front of the two story mural depicting all the Muppets seated in a movie theater looking out.
Wonderful energy in that place.
On the whole, I didn't the love the new Muppet movie, it really just made me want to go home and watch Muppet Show DVDs.
Chris and I watched a few before she lost her nightly battle with Mr. Sandman, twelve minutes after laying on the couch.
Around the time I recorded the voice of Baby Kermit for that never-released talking doll, I discovered that it was to be part of a Muppets renaissance of sorts, ushering in a new wave of Muppet media including a new Muppet Babies and a brand new Muppet Show.
But then Disney bought back the recently reacquired Henson Studios and fucked everything right up.
At the moment, there is a sitcom coming out which hinges on people living next door to Muppets.
Although I'd like to believe that anything with Muppets in it has the potential to be great...that premise is just assy.
Throw in a laugh track and some canned voices going "oooooooooooohhh!!!" and you've got yourself a fine recipe for Poop Soup.
Which is crushing.
To sum up: the Muppets are good.
That's all I've got for you.
Mahna, mahna.
7:37 pm
...after another excellent meal at Bareburger with Chris.
And I have some thoughts...
First, I must say that I disagree with the overall premise: that the Muppets have been forgotten.
Maybe I'm not hanging around the right grade/pre-schools, but the Muppets are eternal.
You watch Sesame Street until you are old enough for the Muppets proper and then you are a real human being, no questions.
The idea that they have somehow become unpopular is ridiculous.
Not enough disbelief to suspend.
Next, Jack Black was the biggest and most relevant star they could find?
Really?
The Muppets?
Settling for Jack Black?
Someone in Hollywood is not doing their job.
And Selina Gomez?
Yeech.
At least she was only in it for a moment.
During which I farted.
Kristin Schaal, on the other hand, was wonderful, as always.
The music, also, was excellent, Brett McKenzie nailed it, although pretty much all the songs sound exactly like Flight of the Conchords.
But whatever.
They work and are delightful.
As is Amy Adams.
I think I enjoyed her simply by virtue of the fact I've never seen her in anything.
Which, based on peoples' opinions of her, is probably a good thing.
And I loved that Scooter now works for Google.
The fact that both myself and a Muppet have had the same name on our paychecks (on a few occasions, at least) just makes me feel magical.
I've always felt a connection with the Muppets, as I grew up two blocks from Jim Henson's home and had my picture taken there in front of the two story mural depicting all the Muppets seated in a movie theater looking out.
Wonderful energy in that place.
On the whole, I didn't the love the new Muppet movie, it really just made me want to go home and watch Muppet Show DVDs.
Chris and I watched a few before she lost her nightly battle with Mr. Sandman, twelve minutes after laying on the couch.
- Steve Martin - Banjo madman.
- Madeline Kahn - I'd gladly trade a dozen of these mindless, pointless "hot young things" to have her back with us, she was truly amazing.
- John Cleese - Living, breathing comic god. Bow before him or suffer.
Around the time I recorded the voice of Baby Kermit for that never-released talking doll, I discovered that it was to be part of a Muppets renaissance of sorts, ushering in a new wave of Muppet media including a new Muppet Babies and a brand new Muppet Show.
But then Disney bought back the recently reacquired Henson Studios and fucked everything right up.
At the moment, there is a sitcom coming out which hinges on people living next door to Muppets.
Although I'd like to believe that anything with Muppets in it has the potential to be great...that premise is just assy.
Throw in a laugh track and some canned voices going "oooooooooooohhh!!!" and you've got yourself a fine recipe for Poop Soup.
Which is crushing.
To sum up: the Muppets are good.
That's all I've got for you.
Mahna, mahna.
11.22.2011
Skrutz
11.22.11
3:38 pm
That's about where I'm at right now.
Skrutz.
Why am I skrutz?
Good question.
Good.
On Friday, I was asked if I could come into work on Monday, not at 3pm, but at 4:30pm.
I happily said yes and then proceeded to stay up until 6am on Monday, playing the new Assassin's Creed.
I woke at 3pm, showered and went to work.
But (and here's where some of the skrutz comes in), I had a booking with Cablevision* at 10am this morning.
So, I went to beddy sleep at 1:30 this morning, hoping to, I don't know, trick myself into getting a good night's sleep, but no one can fool me.
Not even me.
Or can I?
No, I can't.
Everything was fine, I went out like a light at 1:45ish, only to wake up at 3:45 and then again at 6, 7:30 and, finally, at 9:45.
The booking was from 10am to 2pm and was a bit hurry-up-and-wait because of "crossed wires" and "group failings".
But, it was all good, as the folks from Kirshenbaum Bond Senecal & Partners all have wonderful, twisted senses of humor and we got along thunderously.
Then...at 12:30...Sound Lounge (the place I've been booking a lot of stuff lately) presented lunch...a fully catered Thanksgiving bonanza consisting of everything wonderful you could ever wish for.
Luckily, the client called in and gave notes and I did the last bit of VO before the food kicked it.
At this moment though, the food has officially kicked in.
I'm not one of "those people" who believe there is enough tryptophane in a few slices of turkey to actually affect a grown man like myself, but I do believe that a full tummy (especially when that tummy is full of yummy nummy foodsies) plus lack of proper sleep results in skrutz.
Hence: me, now.
Skrutz.
And yet...I carry on...
Somehow, some way.
LBC, funky ass shit, etc.
So, back to the me.
...have I mentioned that I finished editing my recording of The Grind Show?
I know Phil knows, but...hm...I may have forgotten to mention it elsewhere.
Well.
Done with that.
Taking a bit of a breather and then I'm going to take his notes and implement them.
Implement them xmax.
But Christ the Jesus does it feel good to be, more or less, done with this project.
Now, the ball is in audible.com's court.
Hopefully they'll pass it back covered in honey and thousand dollar bills.
That is how this whole thing works, right?
Balls covered in honey and thousand dollar bills?
Honeymoneyballs?
I've also been reading the new King, 11/22/63.
After the requisite "here's how time travel works in this book" chapters, things were pretty cool; the main character returns to Derry, Maine, about a year after the events of IT and runs into some familiar faces, but after that, things got real uninteresting, real fast and have stayed that way for a while.
And King has actually brought out an argument that is tantamount to the old chestnut "would you kill Hitler as a baby?" and he's (the main character) acting all mixed up about it.
Dude.
Yes.
You kill Hitler.
You always kill Hitler.
As an adult, as a baby, as a sperm in his father's nut sack.
You always. Kill. Hitler.**
Anyway, hopefully things will pick up again.
I've been intersticing the King with some DC comics (which is redundant, but so is the "Rio Grande River" so fuck right off), namely Suicide Squad (pretty good, depending on the writer/time period. Here's a hint: avoid the 80's.), Checkmate (slow), Salvation Run (excellent) and, just recently, Batman Confidential, which has been rock solid for the first dozen or so issues.
The second story arc is a reinvention of the Joker's origin by a guy called Michael Green and it's stunning.
Gives Batman a lot more of the responsibility for what happened...
The art is a bit odd, looks a touch like Aeon Flux at times, but with a lot more lines.
Going back to whatever it was I was talking about before; last week, Comcast called me back for yet another rerecord AND have booked me Monday for yet another rerecord.
I must say, being the "voice" of a certain spot for several months running is a lot better than auditioning and not getting gigs.
A lot.
It's like, "Yeah, we remember you were good that one time, so let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the monkey?"
And you're like, "Just pay me every time I walk through the door."
And they're like, "Have some Thanksgiving dinner on a Tuesday."
And you're like, "Yes. I will."
This is what I was talking about when I said I enjoy being a boy in love with you.
In love with you, girl.
Oh yeah.
Fucking shit I'm tired.
Does Starbucks do Frappucino enemas?
Can I get extra caramel?
And a lot...of whipped cream.
Oh, and go check out that short film that Ray and me and Pete and Jess Howell and Phil (different Phil) did.
I'm scary as shit in it and I did the sound design.
Not the piano, the cool background ambience.
Here's a link!!!
"Bitter Sweet"!!!!!!!!
And, the entry before this is a behind the scenes look...in writing!!!
BLEEDING EDGE TECH!!!
Then:
MONEY FOR DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!
BANGOLIN!!!!!!!!
A DOZEN OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL!!!!!!!!!
WOODEN LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GALVANIZED TUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MONEY FOR DOOOOOOOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Cablevision = enjoying my Kool-Aid
** Would someone please t-shirt that for me? Something pink and flashy? XXL, if you could.
3:38 pm
That's about where I'm at right now.
Skrutz.
Why am I skrutz?
Good question.
Good.
On Friday, I was asked if I could come into work on Monday, not at 3pm, but at 4:30pm.
I happily said yes and then proceeded to stay up until 6am on Monday, playing the new Assassin's Creed.
I woke at 3pm, showered and went to work.
But (and here's where some of the skrutz comes in), I had a booking with Cablevision* at 10am this morning.
So, I went to beddy sleep at 1:30 this morning, hoping to, I don't know, trick myself into getting a good night's sleep, but no one can fool me.
Not even me.
Or can I?
No, I can't.
Everything was fine, I went out like a light at 1:45ish, only to wake up at 3:45 and then again at 6, 7:30 and, finally, at 9:45.
The booking was from 10am to 2pm and was a bit hurry-up-and-wait because of "crossed wires" and "group failings".
But, it was all good, as the folks from Kirshenbaum Bond Senecal & Partners all have wonderful, twisted senses of humor and we got along thunderously.
Then...at 12:30...Sound Lounge (the place I've been booking a lot of stuff lately) presented lunch...a fully catered Thanksgiving bonanza consisting of everything wonderful you could ever wish for.
Luckily, the client called in and gave notes and I did the last bit of VO before the food kicked it.
At this moment though, the food has officially kicked in.
I'm not one of "those people" who believe there is enough tryptophane in a few slices of turkey to actually affect a grown man like myself, but I do believe that a full tummy (especially when that tummy is full of yummy nummy foodsies) plus lack of proper sleep results in skrutz.
Hence: me, now.
Skrutz.
And yet...I carry on...
Somehow, some way.
LBC, funky ass shit, etc.
So, back to the me.
...have I mentioned that I finished editing my recording of The Grind Show?
I know Phil knows, but...hm...I may have forgotten to mention it elsewhere.
Well.
Done with that.
Taking a bit of a breather and then I'm going to take his notes and implement them.
Implement them xmax.
But Christ the Jesus does it feel good to be, more or less, done with this project.
Now, the ball is in audible.com's court.
Hopefully they'll pass it back covered in honey and thousand dollar bills.
That is how this whole thing works, right?
Balls covered in honey and thousand dollar bills?
Honeymoneyballs?
I've also been reading the new King, 11/22/63.
After the requisite "here's how time travel works in this book" chapters, things were pretty cool; the main character returns to Derry, Maine, about a year after the events of IT and runs into some familiar faces, but after that, things got real uninteresting, real fast and have stayed that way for a while.
And King has actually brought out an argument that is tantamount to the old chestnut "would you kill Hitler as a baby?" and he's (the main character) acting all mixed up about it.
Dude.
Yes.
You kill Hitler.
You always kill Hitler.
As an adult, as a baby, as a sperm in his father's nut sack.
You always. Kill. Hitler.**
Anyway, hopefully things will pick up again.
I've been intersticing the King with some DC comics (which is redundant, but so is the "Rio Grande River" so fuck right off), namely Suicide Squad (pretty good, depending on the writer/time period. Here's a hint: avoid the 80's.), Checkmate (slow), Salvation Run (excellent) and, just recently, Batman Confidential, which has been rock solid for the first dozen or so issues.
The second story arc is a reinvention of the Joker's origin by a guy called Michael Green and it's stunning.
Gives Batman a lot more of the responsibility for what happened...
The art is a bit odd, looks a touch like Aeon Flux at times, but with a lot more lines.
Going back to whatever it was I was talking about before; last week, Comcast called me back for yet another rerecord AND have booked me Monday for yet another rerecord.
I must say, being the "voice" of a certain spot for several months running is a lot better than auditioning and not getting gigs.
A lot.
It's like, "Yeah, we remember you were good that one time, so let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the monkey?"
And you're like, "Just pay me every time I walk through the door."
And they're like, "Have some Thanksgiving dinner on a Tuesday."
And you're like, "Yes. I will."
This is what I was talking about when I said I enjoy being a boy in love with you.
In love with you, girl.
Oh yeah.
Fucking shit I'm tired.
Does Starbucks do Frappucino enemas?
Can I get extra caramel?
And a lot...of whipped cream.
Oh, and go check out that short film that Ray and me and Pete and Jess Howell and Phil (different Phil) did.
I'm scary as shit in it and I did the sound design.
Not the piano, the cool background ambience.
Here's a link!!!
"Bitter Sweet"!!!!!!!!
And, the entry before this is a behind the scenes look...in writing!!!
BLEEDING EDGE TECH!!!
Then:
MONEY FOR DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!
BANGOLIN!!!!!!!!
A DOZEN OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL!!!!!!!!!
WOODEN LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GALVANIZED TUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MONEY FOR DOOOOOOOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Cablevision = enjoying my Kool-Aid
** Would someone please t-shirt that for me? Something pink and flashy? XXL, if you could.
11.21.2011
The Making of 'Bitter Sweet'
9.27.11
10:37 pm
About a month ago, my friend and professional filmmaker, Ray Zablocki, told me of a short film contest sponsored by the Producers Guild of America (PGA).
He said it would be in the vein of a 48 hour film festival in which the entire product must be written, shot and edited within forty eight hours.
On Friday the 23rd at 5:00 pm, Ray, his cousin Pete and I got together and began to create.
The PGA requirements were as follows:
The setting had to be Halloween.
One or more of the following themes had to be expressed: Grace and forgiveness, escape and/or the unlikely hero.
The film had to feature, in some manner, the following three object, one serving as a key plot element: a knitting needle, a knight chess piece and a cassette tape.
From about five to about midnight, the three of us threw out ideas, bouncing them back and forth at one another.
Over those five hours, certain ideas became clear.
We were almost sure what to do with the cassette tape, 100% sure what to do with the chess piece and undecided about the needle.
The two of them left to write the actual script and I went to sleep, readying myself for the twelve hour shoot the next day.
Turned out to be a twenty hour shoot, but, who's counting?
The next morning, my co-star, the amazing and resplendent Jessica Howell showed up a tick after ten.
The "crew" (consisting of Ray and his second cousin/filmmaker Phil), showed up a bit later and the day officially began.
First of all, we were crippled from the start for lack of a larger team.
Our director of photography was with his wife who was having a baby and the other two assistants that would have made this thing go faster were also unavailable.
This would end up being a problem...
The first handful of hours were spent mostly hanging out with Jess while Phil and Ray did film things.
Later, Ray's friend and our first assistant, Laura, showed up and also hung out.
Understand, we did what we could, but we were really just waiting for it to get dark.
We showed up on location about forty five minutes before our first shot so Jess helped stretch the fuck out of me (she is a Yoga instructor) and then Ray got some turkey while Phil, Jess and I shot a short, improvised film entitled "Dog Balls".
Hopefully that will pop up somewhere sometime.
Eventually, Ray returned with his turkey and the sun began to set.
Our very first shot was to be the opening shot of the film; Jessica carrying a bag of groceries while being followed by a large, trench coated figure down by the gantries near the Long Island City Pepsi-Cola sign.
After a full day of uniform gray skies, the sun showed up to astound us; not only an amazing sunset, but exploding with Halloween oranges and, eventually, deep, unsettling bruise purples.
We ended up not using that footage as the start of the film.
Total bummer.
As we were wrapping that location, our second assistant, Steve Earthman, showed up and accompanied us back to our second and final location: my apartment.
Once we retuned, work began in earnest, spending about a half hour shooting Jess arriving home and me watching her from outside.
Then some interiors in the hallways, then, finally, the apartment scenes.
I won't give away the plot, but a big old mess was made, some screaming occurred and some shit got serious.
Jess' day ended around two in the morning and mine ended at five.
And her and I were the lucky ones.
Ray, that poor bastard, had yet to edit the footage we had shot that day.
Edit, color correct and everything else...in less that fifteen hours.
The whole thing was due, no exceptions, by 8pm on Sunday, September 25th.
I awoke on Sunday and created some unsettling background ambience for Ray to drop in behind some piano music Steve's girlfriend had provided.
Ray called once, asking for me to record my door bell, and I did so.
Then, I waited.
Around 10:40 that evening, Ray sent me a link to the finished product, a tight, well-shot slice of disturbing questions called "Bitter Sweet".
Overall, I personally feel like one or two things are missing, and I preferred the alternate ending proposed by Phil Tucker, but this is Ray's baby and I've also heard a lot of positive feedback as well.
In the end, it doesn't really matter what we think, but what the six judges think.
The judges, Steve Buchemi, Leslie Ann Warren, Jamie Lee Curtis, Paul Reubens, Shirley Sher (producer of "Pulp Fiction") and Bruce Coen (producer of "American Beauty") will watch all the submissions and post their decision by November 15th at the very latest on the Producer's Guild of America web site.
Aside from the whole film aspect, the day of the shoot was an excellent opportunity to bond further will Jess, someone who will always do her best to pop in at the parties Chris and I throw, but also someone who is always gone too soon.
I've worked with her a few times, as both an actor and as her director and she's like a tiny sun, constantly warming and energizing those in her presence; it was, as always, a pleasure to work with her.
At some point soon, we're going to have a wrap party/screening.
At said party, we're going to watch "Bitter Sweet", "Dog Balls" (hopefully), "Eels" from The Mighty Boosh (as Jess has just gotten into the show and we were making references all day) and "The Dark Knight", as Jess has never seen it.
I know what you're thinking: what, she hasn't seen "The Dark Knight"? What? WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL??!?!?!?!?!?
Check it out though: Jess is the kind of person who you wouldn't judge for not having seen "The Dark Knight".
Heck, she doesn't even remember if she saw "Batman Begins" or not.
Which is fine.
Seriously.
But only because she is Jess Howell and she is amazing.
And she opened my shoulders.
10:37 pm
About a month ago, my friend and professional filmmaker, Ray Zablocki, told me of a short film contest sponsored by the Producers Guild of America (PGA).
He said it would be in the vein of a 48 hour film festival in which the entire product must be written, shot and edited within forty eight hours.
On Friday the 23rd at 5:00 pm, Ray, his cousin Pete and I got together and began to create.
The PGA requirements were as follows:
The setting had to be Halloween.
One or more of the following themes had to be expressed: Grace and forgiveness, escape and/or the unlikely hero.
The film had to feature, in some manner, the following three object, one serving as a key plot element: a knitting needle, a knight chess piece and a cassette tape.
From about five to about midnight, the three of us threw out ideas, bouncing them back and forth at one another.
Over those five hours, certain ideas became clear.
We were almost sure what to do with the cassette tape, 100% sure what to do with the chess piece and undecided about the needle.
The two of them left to write the actual script and I went to sleep, readying myself for the twelve hour shoot the next day.
Turned out to be a twenty hour shoot, but, who's counting?
The next morning, my co-star, the amazing and resplendent Jessica Howell showed up a tick after ten.
The "crew" (consisting of Ray and his second cousin/filmmaker Phil), showed up a bit later and the day officially began.
First of all, we were crippled from the start for lack of a larger team.
Our director of photography was with his wife who was having a baby and the other two assistants that would have made this thing go faster were also unavailable.
This would end up being a problem...
The first handful of hours were spent mostly hanging out with Jess while Phil and Ray did film things.
Later, Ray's friend and our first assistant, Laura, showed up and also hung out.
Understand, we did what we could, but we were really just waiting for it to get dark.
We showed up on location about forty five minutes before our first shot so Jess helped stretch the fuck out of me (she is a Yoga instructor) and then Ray got some turkey while Phil, Jess and I shot a short, improvised film entitled "Dog Balls".
Hopefully that will pop up somewhere sometime.
Eventually, Ray returned with his turkey and the sun began to set.
Our very first shot was to be the opening shot of the film; Jessica carrying a bag of groceries while being followed by a large, trench coated figure down by the gantries near the Long Island City Pepsi-Cola sign.
After a full day of uniform gray skies, the sun showed up to astound us; not only an amazing sunset, but exploding with Halloween oranges and, eventually, deep, unsettling bruise purples.
We ended up not using that footage as the start of the film.
Total bummer.
As we were wrapping that location, our second assistant, Steve Earthman, showed up and accompanied us back to our second and final location: my apartment.
Once we retuned, work began in earnest, spending about a half hour shooting Jess arriving home and me watching her from outside.
Then some interiors in the hallways, then, finally, the apartment scenes.
I won't give away the plot, but a big old mess was made, some screaming occurred and some shit got serious.
Jess' day ended around two in the morning and mine ended at five.
And her and I were the lucky ones.
Ray, that poor bastard, had yet to edit the footage we had shot that day.
Edit, color correct and everything else...in less that fifteen hours.
The whole thing was due, no exceptions, by 8pm on Sunday, September 25th.
I awoke on Sunday and created some unsettling background ambience for Ray to drop in behind some piano music Steve's girlfriend had provided.
Ray called once, asking for me to record my door bell, and I did so.
Then, I waited.
Around 10:40 that evening, Ray sent me a link to the finished product, a tight, well-shot slice of disturbing questions called "Bitter Sweet".
Overall, I personally feel like one or two things are missing, and I preferred the alternate ending proposed by Phil Tucker, but this is Ray's baby and I've also heard a lot of positive feedback as well.
In the end, it doesn't really matter what we think, but what the six judges think.
The judges, Steve Buchemi, Leslie Ann Warren, Jamie Lee Curtis, Paul Reubens, Shirley Sher (producer of "Pulp Fiction") and Bruce Coen (producer of "American Beauty") will watch all the submissions and post their decision by November 15th at the very latest on the Producer's Guild of America web site.
Aside from the whole film aspect, the day of the shoot was an excellent opportunity to bond further will Jess, someone who will always do her best to pop in at the parties Chris and I throw, but also someone who is always gone too soon.
I've worked with her a few times, as both an actor and as her director and she's like a tiny sun, constantly warming and energizing those in her presence; it was, as always, a pleasure to work with her.
At some point soon, we're going to have a wrap party/screening.
At said party, we're going to watch "Bitter Sweet", "Dog Balls" (hopefully), "Eels" from The Mighty Boosh (as Jess has just gotten into the show and we were making references all day) and "The Dark Knight", as Jess has never seen it.
I know what you're thinking: what, she hasn't seen "The Dark Knight"? What? WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL??!?!?!?!?!?
Check it out though: Jess is the kind of person who you wouldn't judge for not having seen "The Dark Knight".
Heck, she doesn't even remember if she saw "Batman Begins" or not.
Which is fine.
Seriously.
But only because she is Jess Howell and she is amazing.
And she opened my shoulders.
11.10.2011
My sweet 3 dog
11.9.11
3:11 pm
The Human Centipede.
These three words have made quite an impact over the past few years.*
And, as yesterday was Election Day, I elected to find out why.
Now, I had heard of the first film in the series, "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)", a few years ago.
I'd heard it was groundbreaking in its atrociousness and just awful.
The merest mention actually had the ability to send this girl Jessica into fits.
She was kind of a pussy though.
But that's neither here nor there.
So, the gist of the film is as follows: two idiot American tourists get lost in the woods of Germany (because, when their car gets a flat and their phone has no service THEY FUCKING WANDER OFF INTO THE FUCKING WOODS. I'll not go as far as to say these girls deserved what happened to them, but, people...THINK...), then get kidnapped (along with some Japanese dude) by this crazy, German surgeon who, for no apparent reason, decides to connect these three people anus to mouth to anus to mouth, thus creating one digestive system...a human centipede.
Of course, the individual segments of a centipede aren't really their own entities or capable of independent thought, but, whatever man, just take the ride.
The big deal about this whole concept is that the operation is completely, 100% medically feasible and, the results, 100% medically accurate (one of the films tag lines).
Once the surgery works and this crazy, German doctor has his human centipede, hijinks ensue before things eventually go wrong(er) and everyone but the Unluckiest Girl in the World dies horribly.
I took some notes:
First off, the thing is SO TROPEY.
Aside from what exactly the bad guy is trying to do, everything is right out of [insert any mad scientist movie ever].
Even the way the police are insinuated into the situation is old hat.
If not for the one horrific thing going on, this could almost be any horror movie of the "kidnapped by maniac for horrible experiment" type.
Next, this movie, above all others, needs a "Shining" treatment.
Hopefully, you'll know what I mean by that.
One of the first things you see in the movie is a small grave stone with "Mein susser hund drei" written on it.
That's German for "my sweet 3 dog".
I actually laughed out loud at that.
The fact that they show it more than once is just wonderful.
I suppose, if you'd never heard anything about this film, then it makes sense to show it once, before you have any idea what's about to occur and then again, after it's taken place, but, seriously, aside from the very, very first people to see this film, who the hell hasn't heard a least one, choked, terrified whisper about it?
But, yeah, my sweet 3 dog.
Excellent.
Once the human centipede was made, my first question was, what the hell are you going to do with a human centipede?
I mean, yes, it was quite a shock, but, then what?
Aside from trying a few basic dog-like things with it (teaching them to walk, training them not to bite, feeding them from a dog food dish), I think the writer/director, Tom Six, had the same question.
And no real answer.
That was apparent.
At one point, the doctor mentions adding another segment, but never gets the chance.
That issue, adding a segment, comes up later...
At several points, I thought of how much I'd enjoy the blooper reel from this movie...
For all the terror and shock and horror and whatever that surrounded this movie, the surgery was the worst part for me, specifically the removal of the teeth.
I don't like the gooshy bits.
In the end, this was a movie about team work and the dangers of going ass-to-mouth(to-ass).
Quite frankly, I think we have Kevin Smith's "Clerks 2" to blame for this whole fiasco...
After I'd finished the first movie, I decided that I needed to see the second one.
So I set that to download and went to sleep.
I woke to find that "The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)" (a.k.a. "The Human Centipede 2: Even Centipedier") was ready for action.
Now, I hadn't actually heard anything about this film (like how it was banned in the U.K.), I'd just seen a trailer which kind of gave everything away: massive fan of the movie "The Human Centipede" kidnaps a bunch of people and makes his own, hijinks ensue.
That, on its own, doesn't seem all that enticing (not that anything about the first film was enticing, but you get the point...if you're still reading this...), but Tom Six does a pretty amazing job of setting this, more or less, straightforward progression of the story in a ridiculously fucked up world.
Literally every character in this movie, except for maybe one or two of the kidnapping victims is portrayed as a huge, awful asshole.
From the Neo-Nazi upstairs neighbor who beats the living hell out of the main character to the psychiatrist who would love nothing more than to rape the main character (who also happens to be his patient) to the main character's mother who resents her son for getting her sexually abusive husband put in jail.
I cannot explain how over-the-top these people are.
In fact, "over-the-top" is sort of the watchword here...
The movie takes place in London, where graveyard shift parking attendant, Martin (probably the best over-the-top casting job since the crazy, German doctor from the first film), uses the cameras in the garage to locate his victims.
With a crowbar and pistol, he incapacitates them, loads them into his van and drives them to a huge abandoned warehouse.
Well, not really abandoned.
He gets the realtor to sow him the space and then knocks him unconscious with the aforementioned crowbar.
When he isn't hunting and bludgeoning folks, he is watching "The Human Centipede" on his laptop.
Then rewinding it and watching it again.
And again.
And again.
And occasionally masturbating to one of the actresses in it.
Let me tell you a little about Martin...Martin (maybe five feet tall with a massive, sloping gut and bulging, crooked eyes) was sexually abused as a child by his father (on more than one occasion, we hear Martin's dreams: a baby crying and some guy with a Cockney accent say, "Stop with them tears, they're only makin' Daddy's pee pee harder."). He appears slightly retarded and seems to only speak when not on screen.
When on screen, his vocalizations are limited to grunts, farting noises, trilling, baby noises and so on.
Kind of a weak choice, in my opinion, but I really don't feel like Tom Six asked a lot of people for input on this one.
This movie is in black and white, and, as it progresses, I am happy with that choice.
Martin keeps a sort of Human Centipede scrapbook which contains far more impressive collaging than I'm capable of, so at least there's that.
He has pictures of the actors and actresses from the film in it, as well as the medical drawings, pictures of centipedes and a bunch of other crazy things that establish him to be crazy.
So, Martin plans on making himself a human centipede with twelve segments.
Yes.
The first two thirds of the movie is him collecting his victims (one of which is the actual actress who played the Middle Segment from the first movie playing herself. Turns out, in one of his off-camera-speaking-moments, Martin convinced this actress' agent that he is holding auditions for the new Quentin Tarentino film and they'd just love to see her try out for the part...) before doing his best to emulate the procedure as seen in "The Human Centipede".
This is where I had a a few problems...especially with his amateur removal of the teeth...
Oh man was that tough to watch.
And hear.
While the tag line of "The Human Centipede" was "100% Medically Accurate", the tag line of this one is "100% Medically Inaccurate".
Instead of scalpels, anesthesia, sutures and gauze, our dear Martin uses scissors, a crowbar, a staple gun and duct tape.
A lot of duct tape.
And a lot of staples.
After losing two victims in the process, an older man and a woman, nine months pregnant, he has his very own ten-segmented human centipede.
He giggles and capers and dances about for a bit, then proceeds to feed the first segment, in order to reenact a truly horrible scene from the first movie in which the first segment...well...poops.
The first segment throws the food away, causing Martin to insert a huge feeding tube down her throat and fill a funnel with cream of mushroom soup.
Which I don't enjoy even under ideal conditions.
But...no one poops.
Upset, Martin grabs a large bottle marked "Laxative" and a syringe.
I was worried about what was to follow.
Turns out I had every reason on earth to be.
What happens next...is really something terrible.
Then, as in the first film, things start to go wrong.
But more wrong than in the first.
Horrifically, nightmarishly wrong.
So wrong that I'm not going to get into here...on my personal fuckrant page.
One thing I will say, for all Tom Six's effort to make this thing as realistic as possible, people are still able to make noise without a tongue.
I'm just saying.
As with the first movie, this movie has its own allegories and morals: beware the dangers of fan fiction and do not trust psychiatrists with big, styled beards.
THC 2 was a lot harder to watch than THC and very much harder to eat stew during.
I learned something though, aside from don't park your car in London.
I learned that, no matter how dour and twisted upcoming events look to be, a naked guy bound with duct tape, sobbing "he's gonna stitch us up...he's gonna stitch us up ass to mouth" can't be greeted with anything other than giggles.
Tom, it's never going to replace "Soilent Green is made from people!" as a classic horror movie catchphrase.
Sorry.
All right, that was my journey through the deepest, darkest parts of a Dutchman's mind.
It's over.
Or is it?
According to Mr. Six (who is probably also an assassin with a name like Tom Six...most likely the sixth of his line and he's now being hunted by Tom Two through Tom Five with Tom One at the helm....), there will be a third and final "sequence" to the Human Centipede trilogy.
It will be shot entirely in the U.S and is slated for release in 2013.
He says, "it's going to make the second film look like a Disney flick".
So...there's that to look forward to.
Yay.
*And these three words when you're gettin' busy will get you punched in the dick.
3:11 pm
The Human Centipede.
These three words have made quite an impact over the past few years.*
And, as yesterday was Election Day, I elected to find out why.
Now, I had heard of the first film in the series, "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)", a few years ago.
I'd heard it was groundbreaking in its atrociousness and just awful.
The merest mention actually had the ability to send this girl Jessica into fits.
She was kind of a pussy though.
But that's neither here nor there.
So, the gist of the film is as follows: two idiot American tourists get lost in the woods of Germany (because, when their car gets a flat and their phone has no service THEY FUCKING WANDER OFF INTO THE FUCKING WOODS. I'll not go as far as to say these girls deserved what happened to them, but, people...THINK...), then get kidnapped (along with some Japanese dude) by this crazy, German surgeon who, for no apparent reason, decides to connect these three people anus to mouth to anus to mouth, thus creating one digestive system...a human centipede.
Of course, the individual segments of a centipede aren't really their own entities or capable of independent thought, but, whatever man, just take the ride.
The big deal about this whole concept is that the operation is completely, 100% medically feasible and, the results, 100% medically accurate (one of the films tag lines).
Once the surgery works and this crazy, German doctor has his human centipede, hijinks ensue before things eventually go wrong(er) and everyone but the Unluckiest Girl in the World dies horribly.
I took some notes:
First off, the thing is SO TROPEY.
Aside from what exactly the bad guy is trying to do, everything is right out of [insert any mad scientist movie ever].
Even the way the police are insinuated into the situation is old hat.
If not for the one horrific thing going on, this could almost be any horror movie of the "kidnapped by maniac for horrible experiment" type.
Next, this movie, above all others, needs a "Shining" treatment.
Hopefully, you'll know what I mean by that.
One of the first things you see in the movie is a small grave stone with "Mein susser hund drei" written on it.
That's German for "my sweet 3 dog".
I actually laughed out loud at that.
The fact that they show it more than once is just wonderful.
I suppose, if you'd never heard anything about this film, then it makes sense to show it once, before you have any idea what's about to occur and then again, after it's taken place, but, seriously, aside from the very, very first people to see this film, who the hell hasn't heard a least one, choked, terrified whisper about it?
But, yeah, my sweet 3 dog.
Excellent.
Once the human centipede was made, my first question was, what the hell are you going to do with a human centipede?
I mean, yes, it was quite a shock, but, then what?
Aside from trying a few basic dog-like things with it (teaching them to walk, training them not to bite, feeding them from a dog food dish), I think the writer/director, Tom Six, had the same question.
And no real answer.
That was apparent.
At one point, the doctor mentions adding another segment, but never gets the chance.
That issue, adding a segment, comes up later...
At several points, I thought of how much I'd enjoy the blooper reel from this movie...
For all the terror and shock and horror and whatever that surrounded this movie, the surgery was the worst part for me, specifically the removal of the teeth.
I don't like the gooshy bits.
In the end, this was a movie about team work and the dangers of going ass-to-mouth(to-ass).
Quite frankly, I think we have Kevin Smith's "Clerks 2" to blame for this whole fiasco...
After I'd finished the first movie, I decided that I needed to see the second one.
So I set that to download and went to sleep.
I woke to find that "The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)" (a.k.a. "The Human Centipede 2: Even Centipedier") was ready for action.
Now, I hadn't actually heard anything about this film (like how it was banned in the U.K.), I'd just seen a trailer which kind of gave everything away: massive fan of the movie "The Human Centipede" kidnaps a bunch of people and makes his own, hijinks ensue.
That, on its own, doesn't seem all that enticing (not that anything about the first film was enticing, but you get the point...if you're still reading this...), but Tom Six does a pretty amazing job of setting this, more or less, straightforward progression of the story in a ridiculously fucked up world.
Literally every character in this movie, except for maybe one or two of the kidnapping victims is portrayed as a huge, awful asshole.
From the Neo-Nazi upstairs neighbor who beats the living hell out of the main character to the psychiatrist who would love nothing more than to rape the main character (who also happens to be his patient) to the main character's mother who resents her son for getting her sexually abusive husband put in jail.
I cannot explain how over-the-top these people are.
In fact, "over-the-top" is sort of the watchword here...
The movie takes place in London, where graveyard shift parking attendant, Martin (probably the best over-the-top casting job since the crazy, German doctor from the first film), uses the cameras in the garage to locate his victims.
With a crowbar and pistol, he incapacitates them, loads them into his van and drives them to a huge abandoned warehouse.
Well, not really abandoned.
He gets the realtor to sow him the space and then knocks him unconscious with the aforementioned crowbar.
When he isn't hunting and bludgeoning folks, he is watching "The Human Centipede" on his laptop.
Then rewinding it and watching it again.
And again.
And again.
And occasionally masturbating to one of the actresses in it.
Let me tell you a little about Martin...Martin (maybe five feet tall with a massive, sloping gut and bulging, crooked eyes) was sexually abused as a child by his father (on more than one occasion, we hear Martin's dreams: a baby crying and some guy with a Cockney accent say, "Stop with them tears, they're only makin' Daddy's pee pee harder."). He appears slightly retarded and seems to only speak when not on screen.
When on screen, his vocalizations are limited to grunts, farting noises, trilling, baby noises and so on.
Kind of a weak choice, in my opinion, but I really don't feel like Tom Six asked a lot of people for input on this one.
This movie is in black and white, and, as it progresses, I am happy with that choice.
Martin keeps a sort of Human Centipede scrapbook which contains far more impressive collaging than I'm capable of, so at least there's that.
He has pictures of the actors and actresses from the film in it, as well as the medical drawings, pictures of centipedes and a bunch of other crazy things that establish him to be crazy.
So, Martin plans on making himself a human centipede with twelve segments.
Yes.
The first two thirds of the movie is him collecting his victims (one of which is the actual actress who played the Middle Segment from the first movie playing herself. Turns out, in one of his off-camera-speaking-moments, Martin convinced this actress' agent that he is holding auditions for the new Quentin Tarentino film and they'd just love to see her try out for the part...) before doing his best to emulate the procedure as seen in "The Human Centipede".
This is where I had a a few problems...especially with his amateur removal of the teeth...
Oh man was that tough to watch.
And hear.
While the tag line of "The Human Centipede" was "100% Medically Accurate", the tag line of this one is "100% Medically Inaccurate".
Instead of scalpels, anesthesia, sutures and gauze, our dear Martin uses scissors, a crowbar, a staple gun and duct tape.
A lot of duct tape.
And a lot of staples.
After losing two victims in the process, an older man and a woman, nine months pregnant, he has his very own ten-segmented human centipede.
He giggles and capers and dances about for a bit, then proceeds to feed the first segment, in order to reenact a truly horrible scene from the first movie in which the first segment...well...poops.
The first segment throws the food away, causing Martin to insert a huge feeding tube down her throat and fill a funnel with cream of mushroom soup.
Which I don't enjoy even under ideal conditions.
But...no one poops.
Upset, Martin grabs a large bottle marked "Laxative" and a syringe.
I was worried about what was to follow.
Turns out I had every reason on earth to be.
What happens next...is really something terrible.
Then, as in the first film, things start to go wrong.
But more wrong than in the first.
Horrifically, nightmarishly wrong.
So wrong that I'm not going to get into here...on my personal fuckrant page.
One thing I will say, for all Tom Six's effort to make this thing as realistic as possible, people are still able to make noise without a tongue.
I'm just saying.
As with the first movie, this movie has its own allegories and morals: beware the dangers of fan fiction and do not trust psychiatrists with big, styled beards.
THC 2 was a lot harder to watch than THC and very much harder to eat stew during.
I learned something though, aside from don't park your car in London.
I learned that, no matter how dour and twisted upcoming events look to be, a naked guy bound with duct tape, sobbing "he's gonna stitch us up...he's gonna stitch us up ass to mouth" can't be greeted with anything other than giggles.
Tom, it's never going to replace "Soilent Green is made from people!" as a classic horror movie catchphrase.
Sorry.
All right, that was my journey through the deepest, darkest parts of a Dutchman's mind.
It's over.
Or is it?
According to Mr. Six (who is probably also an assassin with a name like Tom Six...most likely the sixth of his line and he's now being hunted by Tom Two through Tom Five with Tom One at the helm....), there will be a third and final "sequence" to the Human Centipede trilogy.
It will be shot entirely in the U.S and is slated for release in 2013.
He says, "it's going to make the second film look like a Disney flick".
So...there's that to look forward to.
Yay.
*And these three words when you're gettin' busy will get you punched in the dick.
11.03.2011
Dulcet Butter
11.2.11
3:48 pm
Finished editing chapter 29 of Grind Show last night.
Over three quarters of the way through.
I realized something while sliding my voice around...I have a great voice.
Like...really great.
And I need to do more with it.
So I hatched an idea.
We'll see where it goes.
Without thinking, I purchased Uncharted 3 yesterday.
And I mean "without thinking".
Total auto-pilot.
But, I promise you, I am not even putting the game in until I finish these last eleven chapters.
Ten, really as chapters 40 and 41 combined are shorter than a regular chapter.
And, as I'm also catching up with myself in regards to the fourth season of Sons of Anarchy, I have nothing on my plate except for The Grind Show.
Which is good news for Philip.
And, I can imagine what you're thinking, "You said you were going to finish editing before you put Batman: Arkham City in".
No.
Wrong.
I said I would promise to try.
But, Uncharted 3 is different.
This game is kind of a play it once or twice then either enjoy the multiplayer or be done with it sort of game.
Arkham City, I will play again.
And again probably.
Wearing Batman's Sinestro Corp skin.
Or his Year One skin.
Or his Earth One skin.
Or his Batman Beyond skin.
Or his 1970's skin.
You get the idea.
But not Uncharted 3.
This is going to be the blockbuster game event of 2011, but it isn't going to be better than Arkham City.
And you can put that in the bank.
The Video Game Bank.
And then, of course, in two weeks, there's the third game in the current Assassin's Creed series, Assassin's Creed: Revelations.
This too, will I purchase and enjoy, but, just like Uncharted 3, it will not be as good as Arkham City.
In the end, it's about the characters.
Yes, Nathan Drake (hero of the Uncharted series...you can tell by his name) is fun and exciting, a young Indiana Jones-type fellow and Ezio Auditore di Firenze (hero of Assassin's Creed II, Brotherhood and Revelations...Italian gentleman, in case you couldn't tell by his name) is mysterious and a badass assassin, but...Batman is fucking Batman.
None of these characters will ever be as cool as Batman, and I will never be as excited to play as them when these two (and hopefully three) Batman games exist.
So...Grind Show comes first.
I found out at the Halloween party that Kaitlyn is now taking a crack at copy editing Throne.
I think that's a good idea, as I may have put a few extra commas in...but they seemed correct at the time...
Hm.
I suppose we'll find out.
I plan to start the second Hunger Games book today, because, you know, Hunger Games.
Nothing else really happening.
Yesterday's entry was terribly cathartic.
My life is like some sort of horrible boil...it fills with hatepus and needs lancing from time to time.
THIS is that disinfected needle.
And I am happier for it.
As you should be as well.
Because my hate could level mountains and sink continents.
Or something.
3:48 pm
Finished editing chapter 29 of Grind Show last night.
Over three quarters of the way through.
I realized something while sliding my voice around...I have a great voice.
Like...really great.
And I need to do more with it.
So I hatched an idea.
We'll see where it goes.
Without thinking, I purchased Uncharted 3 yesterday.
And I mean "without thinking".
Total auto-pilot.
But, I promise you, I am not even putting the game in until I finish these last eleven chapters.
Ten, really as chapters 40 and 41 combined are shorter than a regular chapter.
And, as I'm also catching up with myself in regards to the fourth season of Sons of Anarchy, I have nothing on my plate except for The Grind Show.
Which is good news for Philip.
And, I can imagine what you're thinking, "You said you were going to finish editing before you put Batman: Arkham City in".
No.
Wrong.
I said I would promise to try.
But, Uncharted 3 is different.
This game is kind of a play it once or twice then either enjoy the multiplayer or be done with it sort of game.
Arkham City, I will play again.
And again probably.
Wearing Batman's Sinestro Corp skin.
Or his Year One skin.
Or his Earth One skin.
Or his Batman Beyond skin.
Or his 1970's skin.
You get the idea.
But not Uncharted 3.
This is going to be the blockbuster game event of 2011, but it isn't going to be better than Arkham City.
And you can put that in the bank.
The Video Game Bank.
And then, of course, in two weeks, there's the third game in the current Assassin's Creed series, Assassin's Creed: Revelations.
This too, will I purchase and enjoy, but, just like Uncharted 3, it will not be as good as Arkham City.
In the end, it's about the characters.
Yes, Nathan Drake (hero of the Uncharted series...you can tell by his name) is fun and exciting, a young Indiana Jones-type fellow and Ezio Auditore di Firenze (hero of Assassin's Creed II, Brotherhood and Revelations...Italian gentleman, in case you couldn't tell by his name) is mysterious and a badass assassin, but...Batman is fucking Batman.
None of these characters will ever be as cool as Batman, and I will never be as excited to play as them when these two (and hopefully three) Batman games exist.
So...Grind Show comes first.
I found out at the Halloween party that Kaitlyn is now taking a crack at copy editing Throne.
I think that's a good idea, as I may have put a few extra commas in...but they seemed correct at the time...
Hm.
I suppose we'll find out.
I plan to start the second Hunger Games book today, because, you know, Hunger Games.
Nothing else really happening.
Yesterday's entry was terribly cathartic.
My life is like some sort of horrible boil...it fills with hatepus and needs lancing from time to time.
THIS is that disinfected needle.
And I am happier for it.
As you should be as well.
Because my hate could level mountains and sink continents.
Or something.
11.01.2011
Eat A Dick, United States Postal Service
11.1.11
3:54 pm
I was just on the line with the U.S. Postal Service's awful phone robot and it asked me:
"Are you in the business?"
Then a saucy pause.
Then: "The 'getting it there safe and sound' business?"
If I had had an employee of the USPS in front of me at that exact second, I would have screamed and laughed and torn their face from their skull, all at the same time.
And then there would have been diffused, polite applause from everywhere and nowhere.
And I would have smiled.
Stuffed their newly removed face into my mouth and smiled.
Chewed, swallowed, grinned, danced then smiled some more.
If I were running the Post Office, I'd go waaay out of my way to make sure the things that are already annoying in regular life (i.e. fucking awful phone robots) were much less annoying in relation to the PO.
I'd hire Morgan Freeman to read haikus about puppies.
Phone robots already make one want to tear peoples' faces off, but the Post Office...?
No one ever goes to the Post Office unless they fucking have to.
No one ever just calls the Post Office to say, "Hey, you guys are doing a great job. Keep up the good work and enjoy your still-attached faces."
No.
They go there because they didn't received something at their home.
They call because something went wrong, perhaps something costly.
And when you are calling the Post Office or the DMV or your insurance provider or any other organization that has a horrible-yet-completely-justified-and-proven-time-and-time-again stigma against it, the LAST thing you want to hear (aside from some disinterested freak with a wet sock in its mouth on the other end of the call) is something like the above awful phone robot statement.
WHY ARE THEY MAKING THINGS WORSE FOR THEMSELVES?
Even if you are coolheaded at the start of the call (and I will argue that years being on the other end of asshole phone calls has made me very sympathetic to these ball gargling fucks), by the time you've listened to the awful fucking phone robot go through its spiel six times, you're ready to...oh, I don't know...remove someone's face and eat it.
So why are they poking their proverbial stick into our proverbial wound?
Do they want people to scream at their idiot employees and tear their faces off?
Maybe this is all some trolling scheme to get great "Difficult Customer" training tapes for future employees?
Whatever the case.
Eat a dick, United States Postal Service.
Eat a massive, rancid dick.
In unrelated news, I've started editing The Grind Show again.
Halfway through chapter 29...which is huge, the longest remaining chapter, in fact.
After that, it's all a soft, sexy slope made of buttered leather.
Why have I suddenly returned to editing?
Well, because I have completed Batman: Arkham City, and I enjoyed every second of it.
There are approximately two things they didn't do as well as the first game, but they are minor enough as to not even count in the end.
And the end...oh the end...
I believe this might be the best ending to a video game I've ever encountered.
At least since Red Dead Redemption, but, fuck that, this is Batman.
I'll be replaying it soon, but it isn't going to consume my life as it did when it was fresh, so, don't worry, Phil
TGS will be fully edited well before the end of November.
Let us give thanks...to me.
While I'm not charging Phil anything for the recording and editing of Grind Show, he wrote me a little something that pretty much made everything worth it.
Over the weekend...the shitty let's-have-a-blizzard-just-to-fuck-with-Paul weekend...Chris and I had our Halloween party.
It was a sad state of affairs for an hour or so, but then people showed up and then more people showed up and it then began to kick ass.
Should have the '11 Freak Fuck video up soon so you can all either reminisce or feel left out.
Whatever.
I think that's all I'm willing to tell you at the moment.
Don't press me.
DON'T.
PRESS.
ME.
Don't.
3:54 pm
I was just on the line with the U.S. Postal Service's awful phone robot and it asked me:
"Are you in the business?"
Then a saucy pause.
Then: "The 'getting it there safe and sound' business?"
If I had had an employee of the USPS in front of me at that exact second, I would have screamed and laughed and torn their face from their skull, all at the same time.
And then there would have been diffused, polite applause from everywhere and nowhere.
And I would have smiled.
Stuffed their newly removed face into my mouth and smiled.
Chewed, swallowed, grinned, danced then smiled some more.
If I were running the Post Office, I'd go waaay out of my way to make sure the things that are already annoying in regular life (i.e. fucking awful phone robots) were much less annoying in relation to the PO.
I'd hire Morgan Freeman to read haikus about puppies.
Phone robots already make one want to tear peoples' faces off, but the Post Office...?
No one ever goes to the Post Office unless they fucking have to.
No one ever just calls the Post Office to say, "Hey, you guys are doing a great job. Keep up the good work and enjoy your still-attached faces."
No.
They go there because they didn't received something at their home.
They call because something went wrong, perhaps something costly.
And when you are calling the Post Office or the DMV or your insurance provider or any other organization that has a horrible-yet-completely-justified-and-proven-time-and-time-again stigma against it, the LAST thing you want to hear (aside from some disinterested freak with a wet sock in its mouth on the other end of the call) is something like the above awful phone robot statement.
WHY ARE THEY MAKING THINGS WORSE FOR THEMSELVES?
Even if you are coolheaded at the start of the call (and I will argue that years being on the other end of asshole phone calls has made me very sympathetic to these ball gargling fucks), by the time you've listened to the awful fucking phone robot go through its spiel six times, you're ready to...oh, I don't know...remove someone's face and eat it.
So why are they poking their proverbial stick into our proverbial wound?
Do they want people to scream at their idiot employees and tear their faces off?
Maybe this is all some trolling scheme to get great "Difficult Customer" training tapes for future employees?
Whatever the case.
Eat a dick, United States Postal Service.
Eat a massive, rancid dick.
In unrelated news, I've started editing The Grind Show again.
Halfway through chapter 29...which is huge, the longest remaining chapter, in fact.
After that, it's all a soft, sexy slope made of buttered leather.
Why have I suddenly returned to editing?
Well, because I have completed Batman: Arkham City, and I enjoyed every second of it.
There are approximately two things they didn't do as well as the first game, but they are minor enough as to not even count in the end.
And the end...oh the end...
I believe this might be the best ending to a video game I've ever encountered.
At least since Red Dead Redemption, but, fuck that, this is Batman.
I'll be replaying it soon, but it isn't going to consume my life as it did when it was fresh, so, don't worry, Phil
TGS will be fully edited well before the end of November.
Let us give thanks...to me.
While I'm not charging Phil anything for the recording and editing of Grind Show, he wrote me a little something that pretty much made everything worth it.
Over the weekend...the shitty let's-have-a-blizzard-just-to-fuck-with-Paul weekend...Chris and I had our Halloween party.
It was a sad state of affairs for an hour or so, but then people showed up and then more people showed up and it then began to kick ass.
Should have the '11 Freak Fuck video up soon so you can all either reminisce or feel left out.
Whatever.
I think that's all I'm willing to tell you at the moment.
Don't press me.
DON'T.
PRESS.
ME.
Don't.
10.31.2011
End of the Month Music Bitchfest - October
Holy Bitchfest, Batman!!!*
Nine Inch Nails
Good news/bad news regarding Nine Inch Nails this month.
Or bad news/cocktease news, if you want to be a pessimist.
WHICH I DO NOT.
So.
A few weeks ago, Mouth Taped Shut (the mysterious behind-the-scenes blog for the Fincher remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo...although I have a sneaking suspicion that it's being run by long time Nine Inch Nails co-hort and mindfucker, Rob Sheridan), posted a picture of Trent Reznor in front of a computer monitor looking kind of smug/confused.
Now why would Trent Reznor be smug and confused?
I will FUCKING TELL YOU WHY.
Because, if you looked at the address on the browser on his monitor (www.comesforthinthethaw.com/index2) and then entered that into YOUR browser...well...shit got real.
Or, more specifically, you got a message, the tag line of the movie, "What Is Hidden In Snow, Comes Forth In The Thaw" (which is, apparently, an old, Swedish adage...a creepy, old, Swedish adage). When you click on said old and creepy adage, you got what amounted to a frost-obscured slideshow of images from the new Dragon Tattoo with a really annoying, high pitched warble looped endlessly in the background with the occasional distorted burst of sound from the movie; some room ambience, a blur of voices, etc.
At least you did on the first day.
Over the next week, the images would change and a new sound was layered on until, at the end of the week, there was a fully constructed piece of music.
Beautiful, haunting, cold music.
At the start of the next week, everything was taken down and a new sound was posted, a plinking, circusy tune that reeked of tainted innocence.
As before, each day added a new layer.
The week after that, a deep, bassy bass note echoed to and fro, from nowhere to nowhere, then, by the end of that week, there were hammer dulcimers and tidal guitars and a whole buncha other Coil meet Aphex Twin ("Drukqs" Aphex, not "Aphex Acid" Aphex) meets other stuff stuff.
And, just today, everything was cleared out again and replaced with a series of out of tune, d-verbed piano chords.
It actually sounds a bit like something you'd hear in the Haunted Mansion.
Which is cool.
Not sure if this is going to continue until the release of the film, but, if it does, I'm fine with that.
Along with Comes Forth In The Thaw dot com, there is a website for What Is Hidden In Snow dot com, but it's an ARG relating to the framed, pressed flowers in the film and really has nothing to do with Nine Inch Nails.
Not musically, anyway.
Now, while this whole not-really-an-ARG is interesting and all, it seems to cement the fact that we aren't going to get any new Nine Inch Nails or How To Destroy Angels until after December 21st, 2011.
And, knowing Reznor's callous, utter disregard for how hard or loud his fans whine, probably not until Q2 2012.
Oh, and if you think I'm just saying this so Reznor (a dedicated fan of my Monthly Bitchfest) reads this and releases a bunch of stuff, just to prove me wrong...well, you've got problems.
Mind problems.
Aside from this not-really-an-ARG nonsense, Nine Inch Nails contributed a cover of U2's "Zoo Station" to Q Magazine's "'Ahk-toong Bay-bee Covered".
Apparently, "Achtung Baby" is 25 years old.
The cover is less NIN-y than I would have suspected and kind of builds/drags (depending on your taste/opinion) during the last, oh, two and a half minutes.
In a way, it reminds me a bit of their cover of Gary Numan's "Metal", but without all the interesting stuff at the end.
Something about the cover makes me think either Reznor simply picked the first song off the back of the album or someone assigned it to him thinking that this was the most sonically nuanced track and figured Reznor would do something interesting with it.
Feels kind of rushed, I suppose.
Along with Nine Inch Nails, the album (only available with a copy of Q Magazine...a UK-only god damn magazine) features covers by Gavin Friday, Depeche Mode and a band you might know from my previous Monthly Bitchfests...
Oh, and "We're In This Together" (a NIN song from 1999's "The Fragile") was featured (in a horribly edited fashion) in the latest trailer for The Avengers.
It totally works.
Because, you know, the superheroes...are all in "this" together..."this" being trouble.
It's rumored that Trent Reznor is set to play Galactus...
That's not true.
He's set to play Dr. Klaw.
And, just four days ago, one Mr. Trevor Resnick posted on his thing: "lots of new music coming your way very soon".
Now, In Trentspeak, "soon" translates into "anywhere from six months to never" BUT, "very soon" translates to "roughly between a week and two weeks".
So it seems that he has insiders who are aware of the above comment regarding releasing a bunch of stuff just to spite me...
I'm assuming it will be the (two disc?) Dragon Tattoo score...but I just love being surprised by him...
Beck
I angrily downloaded his cover of John Martyn's "Stormbringer", then listened to and enjoyed it, angrily.
Other than that, no noise.
Oh, wait, there's a new Beck t-shirt.
Urge to kill...rising...
Eels
Nothing but the news that E has contributed a letter to the new book, "Dear Me", in which people (actors, writers, musicians etc.) write letters to their sixteen year old selves.
Meh.
Cake
Zip.
They Might Be Giants
Had a chance to listen to the superexclusive vinyl 7" I received.
Two songs good, two songs not so good (though the idea that the dark, folk ballade about Nikolai Tesla was originally slated for and quickly rejected from the Disney kids' album "Here Comes Science" is pretty hilarious...Flans sings about "Tesla's body, lying on the floor" and "an x-ray of Mark Twain's skull").
No need to buy any new audio equipment.
Along with their continuing tour (Saturday, March 10th at Terminal 5!!! WOO!!!!!), TMBG announced they were releasing yet another rarities collection on November 1st, but, as it's only digital until after the discs ship on December 1st, they released it two days ago. It's called "Album Raises New and Troubling Questions" and, whether or not you like the band, you have to admit that's an excellent title.
The album is kind of a junk drawer of songs, featuring tracks written for their most recent album, "Join Us", that didn't quite fit in, their cover of "Havalina", their cover of "Tubthumping", some of the tracks they recorded with their brass band, one of the songs they did for Strongbad and a leftover kids song.
It's super hit or miss, but the hits are great, like Linnell's response to their kids song "I Am A Grocery Bag" called "Money For Dope", the album quality "Authenticity Trip", and an electronic reinterpretation of their old classic "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" titled, well, "Electronic Istanbul (Not Constantinople)", obviously.
I've always felt that the level of a TMBG fan's fanaticism can be measured by just how unknown the tracks on a rarities album are to said TMBG fan.
I was aware of/familiar with less than half.
Which says...something.
Anyway, overall, this release is just for fans.
Head's up.
Meanwhile...
Marilyn Manson remains asleep under some foul-smelling blankets.
Garbage has slated the release of their new album for the fucking end of March/beginning of April 2012.
Which is ridiculous, since, as of October 17th, it was mastered.
I fucking hate the old fashioned way musicians continue to release music.
It strikes me that four of my five favorite bands are either unsigned or on their own label.
But, Garbage also contributed a U2 cover for the "Achtung Baby" tribute album.
Something about crazy horses.
The cover is pure Garbage, dark and electronic, then loud and sweeping, displaying that they are still capable of doing what made people love them, which is terribly exciting for the prospect of that new album...coming out in six fucking months.
Wazzers.
You can read a hugely in-depth interview with the Head Wazzers of Garbage, namely, Shirley Manson and Butch Vig by clicking the linky below.
In a soul crushing interview earlier this month, Chris Vrenna, ex-NIN drummer/programmer and the mind behind Tweaker, said that the new Tweaker album (possibly due out before the end of the year) will be the last.
I am truly saddened by this.
While not every track was gold, there was some amazing stuff on their two releases, "The Attraction To All Things Uncertain" and "2 a.m. wakeup call" and I am going to miss them and the places they might have gone.
I continue to blame Marilyn Mason.
As a tiny, little side note: the new Puscifer album, "Conditions Of My Parole", is pretty solid.
Some excellent programming on there, proving that too many cooks can sometimes make a pretty tasty taco.
There is a song on there called "Horizons" and it feel very Grind Showy.
All right.
Like the Otter...you're free to go.
Cavalcade of Links
Drip-feed yourself some new Reznor/Ross compositions
Buy TMBG’s new rarities album
Nine Inch Nails' cover of U2's "Zoo Station"
Garbage's cover of U2's "Who Going To Ride Your Etc. Etc.":
Marilyn Manson, Twiggy and Madonna Wayne Gacy's 1994 appearance on Donahue:
*Batman is not mentioned in this month's Music Bitchfest
Nine Inch Nails
Good news/bad news regarding Nine Inch Nails this month.
Or bad news/cocktease news, if you want to be a pessimist.
WHICH I DO NOT.
So.
A few weeks ago, Mouth Taped Shut (the mysterious behind-the-scenes blog for the Fincher remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo...although I have a sneaking suspicion that it's being run by long time Nine Inch Nails co-hort and mindfucker, Rob Sheridan), posted a picture of Trent Reznor in front of a computer monitor looking kind of smug/confused.
Now why would Trent Reznor be smug and confused?
I will FUCKING TELL YOU WHY.
Because, if you looked at the address on the browser on his monitor (www.comesforthinthethaw.com/index2) and then entered that into YOUR browser...well...shit got real.
Or, more specifically, you got a message, the tag line of the movie, "What Is Hidden In Snow, Comes Forth In The Thaw" (which is, apparently, an old, Swedish adage...a creepy, old, Swedish adage). When you click on said old and creepy adage, you got what amounted to a frost-obscured slideshow of images from the new Dragon Tattoo with a really annoying, high pitched warble looped endlessly in the background with the occasional distorted burst of sound from the movie; some room ambience, a blur of voices, etc.
At least you did on the first day.
Over the next week, the images would change and a new sound was layered on until, at the end of the week, there was a fully constructed piece of music.
Beautiful, haunting, cold music.
At the start of the next week, everything was taken down and a new sound was posted, a plinking, circusy tune that reeked of tainted innocence.
As before, each day added a new layer.
The week after that, a deep, bassy bass note echoed to and fro, from nowhere to nowhere, then, by the end of that week, there were hammer dulcimers and tidal guitars and a whole buncha other Coil meet Aphex Twin ("Drukqs" Aphex, not "Aphex Acid" Aphex) meets other stuff stuff.
And, just today, everything was cleared out again and replaced with a series of out of tune, d-verbed piano chords.
It actually sounds a bit like something you'd hear in the Haunted Mansion.
Which is cool.
Not sure if this is going to continue until the release of the film, but, if it does, I'm fine with that.
Along with Comes Forth In The Thaw dot com, there is a website for What Is Hidden In Snow dot com, but it's an ARG relating to the framed, pressed flowers in the film and really has nothing to do with Nine Inch Nails.
Not musically, anyway.
Now, while this whole not-really-an-ARG is interesting and all, it seems to cement the fact that we aren't going to get any new Nine Inch Nails or How To Destroy Angels until after December 21st, 2011.
And, knowing Reznor's callous, utter disregard for how hard or loud his fans whine, probably not until Q2 2012.
Oh, and if you think I'm just saying this so Reznor (a dedicated fan of my Monthly Bitchfest) reads this and releases a bunch of stuff, just to prove me wrong...well, you've got problems.
Mind problems.
Aside from this not-really-an-ARG nonsense, Nine Inch Nails contributed a cover of U2's "Zoo Station" to Q Magazine's "'Ahk-toong Bay-bee Covered".
Apparently, "Achtung Baby" is 25 years old.
The cover is less NIN-y than I would have suspected and kind of builds/drags (depending on your taste/opinion) during the last, oh, two and a half minutes.
In a way, it reminds me a bit of their cover of Gary Numan's "Metal", but without all the interesting stuff at the end.
Something about the cover makes me think either Reznor simply picked the first song off the back of the album or someone assigned it to him thinking that this was the most sonically nuanced track and figured Reznor would do something interesting with it.
Feels kind of rushed, I suppose.
Along with Nine Inch Nails, the album (only available with a copy of Q Magazine...a UK-only god damn magazine) features covers by Gavin Friday, Depeche Mode and a band you might know from my previous Monthly Bitchfests...
Oh, and "We're In This Together" (a NIN song from 1999's "The Fragile") was featured (in a horribly edited fashion) in the latest trailer for The Avengers.
It totally works.
Because, you know, the superheroes...are all in "this" together..."this" being trouble.
It's rumored that Trent Reznor is set to play Galactus...
That's not true.
He's set to play Dr. Klaw.
And, just four days ago, one Mr. Trevor Resnick posted on his thing: "lots of new music coming your way very soon".
Now, In Trentspeak, "soon" translates into "anywhere from six months to never" BUT, "very soon" translates to "roughly between a week and two weeks".
So it seems that he has insiders who are aware of the above comment regarding releasing a bunch of stuff just to spite me...
I'm assuming it will be the (two disc?) Dragon Tattoo score...but I just love being surprised by him...
Beck
I angrily downloaded his cover of John Martyn's "Stormbringer", then listened to and enjoyed it, angrily.
Other than that, no noise.
Oh, wait, there's a new Beck t-shirt.
Urge to kill...rising...
Eels
Nothing but the news that E has contributed a letter to the new book, "Dear Me", in which people (actors, writers, musicians etc.) write letters to their sixteen year old selves.
Meh.
Cake
Zip.
They Might Be Giants
Had a chance to listen to the superexclusive vinyl 7" I received.
Two songs good, two songs not so good (though the idea that the dark, folk ballade about Nikolai Tesla was originally slated for and quickly rejected from the Disney kids' album "Here Comes Science" is pretty hilarious...Flans sings about "Tesla's body, lying on the floor" and "an x-ray of Mark Twain's skull").
No need to buy any new audio equipment.
Along with their continuing tour (Saturday, March 10th at Terminal 5!!! WOO!!!!!), TMBG announced they were releasing yet another rarities collection on November 1st, but, as it's only digital until after the discs ship on December 1st, they released it two days ago. It's called "Album Raises New and Troubling Questions" and, whether or not you like the band, you have to admit that's an excellent title.
The album is kind of a junk drawer of songs, featuring tracks written for their most recent album, "Join Us", that didn't quite fit in, their cover of "Havalina", their cover of "Tubthumping", some of the tracks they recorded with their brass band, one of the songs they did for Strongbad and a leftover kids song.
It's super hit or miss, but the hits are great, like Linnell's response to their kids song "I Am A Grocery Bag" called "Money For Dope", the album quality "Authenticity Trip", and an electronic reinterpretation of their old classic "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" titled, well, "Electronic Istanbul (Not Constantinople)", obviously.
I've always felt that the level of a TMBG fan's fanaticism can be measured by just how unknown the tracks on a rarities album are to said TMBG fan.
I was aware of/familiar with less than half.
Which says...something.
Anyway, overall, this release is just for fans.
Head's up.
Meanwhile...
Marilyn Manson remains asleep under some foul-smelling blankets.
Garbage has slated the release of their new album for the fucking end of March/beginning of April 2012.
Which is ridiculous, since, as of October 17th, it was mastered.
I fucking hate the old fashioned way musicians continue to release music.
It strikes me that four of my five favorite bands are either unsigned or on their own label.
But, Garbage also contributed a U2 cover for the "Achtung Baby" tribute album.
Something about crazy horses.
The cover is pure Garbage, dark and electronic, then loud and sweeping, displaying that they are still capable of doing what made people love them, which is terribly exciting for the prospect of that new album...coming out in six fucking months.
Wazzers.
You can read a hugely in-depth interview with the Head Wazzers of Garbage, namely, Shirley Manson and Butch Vig by clicking the linky below.
In a soul crushing interview earlier this month, Chris Vrenna, ex-NIN drummer/programmer and the mind behind Tweaker, said that the new Tweaker album (possibly due out before the end of the year) will be the last.
I am truly saddened by this.
While not every track was gold, there was some amazing stuff on their two releases, "The Attraction To All Things Uncertain" and "2 a.m. wakeup call" and I am going to miss them and the places they might have gone.
I continue to blame Marilyn Mason.
As a tiny, little side note: the new Puscifer album, "Conditions Of My Parole", is pretty solid.
Some excellent programming on there, proving that too many cooks can sometimes make a pretty tasty taco.
There is a song on there called "Horizons" and it feel very Grind Showy.
All right.
Like the Otter...you're free to go.
Cavalcade of Links
Drip-feed yourself some new Reznor/Ross compositions
Buy TMBG’s new rarities album
Nine Inch Nails' cover of U2's "Zoo Station"
Garbage's cover of U2's "Who Going To Ride Your Etc. Etc.":
Marilyn Manson, Twiggy and Madonna Wayne Gacy's 1994 appearance on Donahue:
*Batman is not mentioned in this month's Music Bitchfest
10.25.2011
Subway? No Way!!
10.25.11
5:09 pm
Actually, until I start making more disposable income, I kind of have to take the Subway.
But, at least I can whine about it!!!
For instance:
You know how MTA just spent/is still continuously spending thousands of months and trillions of dollars in order to, somewhat, catch up with the trains in Washington D.C. five years ago?
You know, by utilizing bleeding edge tech to put up some shitty LED displays informing commuters when the next train is arriving?
God damn do they love to jerk themselves off about those fucking things...and then play around in the ejaculate like hungry porn stars...
Anyway, I was watching one of those earlier today (a shitty LED display, not a hungry porn star...), and saw the next train clock jump from three minutes to one minute.
"Okay," I thought, "that's not too crazy, what's sixty seconds among friends?"
But then...the train after that jumped from thirteen minutes...to eight minutes.
My first thought was: wormhole.
Obviously.
Then I figured that there must be a supercollider somewhere under the city of Manhattan (supercolliders do stuff to time, right?)
And then I realized that, despite millions of months and quintillions of dollars (over a hundred per month coming directly from yours truly), those fancy, astonishing-in-1992 train clocks...don't work correctly.
But, please, don't let MTA know.
I could easily see them suspending service on every train line going to and from Manhattan just to make these things work a little less badly.
Maybe only be off by four minutes...
**cue "Great, Big , Beautiful Tomorrow"**
Like I say (out loud) in response to those self-satisfied placards plastered all over the interiors of every fucking train: no, I don't care about when the next train is arriving, just that it is, in fact, arriving, and will continue to do so for more than a week at a time, you cockmeisters.
Oh, and, MTA, if you even think about shutting down stations in order to put in carpeting (AKA Wino Vomit Sponges/Disco Crackhead Yoga Mats), I swear I'm going terrorist and killing the world.
And it will be your fault.
There.
At least now, when I get arrested or flagged or something because of that statement, they'll know why.
And I'll totally get a fair trial, because my peers (of which my jury will consist)...are rad.
In other news, I finished reading Chuck P.'s latest, Tell-All.
I might be done with this guy.
After Haunted, everything has been down hill.
His characters' gimmicks and quirks are getting in the way of the story and everything feels smaller than it used to, less significant.
Rant was also pretty good, but Snuff felt like a slice of a bigger work that, I suppose, Palahniuk was too lazy to write, and Pygmy was just dull.
Nothing has been as cluttered with literary falderal or as effortful to drag my way through than Tell-All though.
Man, was that not enjoyable...
Anyway, the new King comes out next week.
The one about traveling back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination.
Yeah.
That wasn't a joke.
So I guess I'm going to have to read that...
I also have the latest Dresden book on stand by.
I want to read it, lord oh lord do I...but I know I'm going to burn through it in three days, so I'm saving it for...something...
Might dip back into the Hunger Games series as the first one was pretty great.
And then there's Batman: Arkham City.
Mother fuck what a huge, amazing, mindblowing game.
I've completely the main story and I'm only 60% through the whole thing.
Yeah.
Tasty.
This weekend is our Halloween party, although I fear it is going to pale in comparison to years when Phil, Grace, Jeannie, Rich, Kathy and/or Molly were in attendance.
But, no worries, we have a contingency in case things get too slow.
Poison.
See you Saturday!!!!!!
No trains to Queens!!!!!!
5:09 pm
Actually, until I start making more disposable income, I kind of have to take the Subway.
But, at least I can whine about it!!!
For instance:
You know how MTA just spent/is still continuously spending thousands of months and trillions of dollars in order to, somewhat, catch up with the trains in Washington D.C. five years ago?
You know, by utilizing bleeding edge tech to put up some shitty LED displays informing commuters when the next train is arriving?
God damn do they love to jerk themselves off about those fucking things...and then play around in the ejaculate like hungry porn stars...
Anyway, I was watching one of those earlier today (a shitty LED display, not a hungry porn star...), and saw the next train clock jump from three minutes to one minute.
"Okay," I thought, "that's not too crazy, what's sixty seconds among friends?"
But then...the train after that jumped from thirteen minutes...to eight minutes.
My first thought was: wormhole.
Obviously.
Then I figured that there must be a supercollider somewhere under the city of Manhattan (supercolliders do stuff to time, right?)
And then I realized that, despite millions of months and quintillions of dollars (over a hundred per month coming directly from yours truly), those fancy, astonishing-in-1992 train clocks...don't work correctly.
But, please, don't let MTA know.
I could easily see them suspending service on every train line going to and from Manhattan just to make these things work a little less badly.
Maybe only be off by four minutes...
**cue "Great, Big , Beautiful Tomorrow"**
Like I say (out loud) in response to those self-satisfied placards plastered all over the interiors of every fucking train: no, I don't care about when the next train is arriving, just that it is, in fact, arriving, and will continue to do so for more than a week at a time, you cockmeisters.
Oh, and, MTA, if you even think about shutting down stations in order to put in carpeting (AKA Wino Vomit Sponges/Disco Crackhead Yoga Mats), I swear I'm going terrorist and killing the world.
And it will be your fault.
There.
At least now, when I get arrested or flagged or something because of that statement, they'll know why.
And I'll totally get a fair trial, because my peers (of which my jury will consist)...are rad.
In other news, I finished reading Chuck P.'s latest, Tell-All.
I might be done with this guy.
After Haunted, everything has been down hill.
His characters' gimmicks and quirks are getting in the way of the story and everything feels smaller than it used to, less significant.
Rant was also pretty good, but Snuff felt like a slice of a bigger work that, I suppose, Palahniuk was too lazy to write, and Pygmy was just dull.
Nothing has been as cluttered with literary falderal or as effortful to drag my way through than Tell-All though.
Man, was that not enjoyable...
Anyway, the new King comes out next week.
The one about traveling back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination.
Yeah.
That wasn't a joke.
So I guess I'm going to have to read that...
I also have the latest Dresden book on stand by.
I want to read it, lord oh lord do I...but I know I'm going to burn through it in three days, so I'm saving it for...something...
Might dip back into the Hunger Games series as the first one was pretty great.
And then there's Batman: Arkham City.
Mother fuck what a huge, amazing, mindblowing game.
I've completely the main story and I'm only 60% through the whole thing.
Yeah.
Tasty.
This weekend is our Halloween party, although I fear it is going to pale in comparison to years when Phil, Grace, Jeannie, Rich, Kathy and/or Molly were in attendance.
But, no worries, we have a contingency in case things get too slow.
Poison.
See you Saturday!!!!!!
No trains to Queens!!!!!!
7:29 pm
I've just had my very first Take 5 bar.
Quite enjoyable.
10.20.2011
A Question For Tim Burton
10.20.11
10:42 pm
This first part is kind of just for Tim Burton, so if you aren't Tim Burton (the director Tim Burton, not the milkman from Kelsey Park, Kansas), you can skip to the next section.
If you want.
No one is forcing you to read this.
Tim, last night I watched your film, Batman Returns.
I enjoyed it very much, and, aside from the presence of Prince, it is better in every way than your first Batman movie, Batman.
I have a question for you: why on earth did you not make a third, fourth and fifth Batman movie?
You had already set up Billy Dee Williams as Harvey Dent (the reason Lando took the role in the first place, I might add) and you're awesome, so...que the fuck?
Get back to me, man.
So...to everyone who is not Tim Burton...Batman: Arkham City is definitely a game.
One that you play with a controller.
Batman is in it.
I suppose there's more I could say; about the Batman game, about life in general, but, well, what would be the point?
I mean, you shouldn't be living vicariously!
Life is for the living!
Death for the dead!
If you're alive, live!!!!
Also, I just read the King eBook Mile 81.
Pretty awesome.
For once, there are kids in it without super mind powers.
Three of them, all just kids.
Plus, a reference to Christine, which is delicious.
Yes, it might be a bit self-indulgent (eh, Phil?) and yes, this story is pretty much about a car that eats people, but, god damn it, the guy does it well.
So he's allowed.
Although, I will say I'm astounded at the volume of work he's putting out for a guy who's retired twice.
I hope my retirement is less busy than his.
Anyway.
Fish.
10.18.2011
BAT-MANIA
10.18.11
7:57 pm
Sunday night (I DO NOT know why) I decided to watch Batman Forever, something I haven't watched in years.
It's still terrible.
But.
Last night I decided to watch Burton's Batman.
And here is why Burton's Batman will always be better than Nolan's: Prince.
Not just the fact that Prince did the soundtrack and made some pretty amazing videos to go along with it, but because Burton posits that not only Bruce Wayne but also the Joker are Prince fans.
Prince, bringing together Batman and the Joker.
Oh, and, yes, I did get my copy of Batman: Arkham City today.
I'm twenty eight chapters into editing The Grind Show, and, unless my PS3 is moved from the apartment by the time I get home, it will probably remain so until I can regain at least a modicum of self-restraint and get back to it.
Sorry, Phil.
I am just a man.
Not a Batman.
Until I pop in Arkham City, at which point I shall become a Batman.
THE Batman.
I'm also about two thirds of the way though copy-editing Phil's next release.
Anyway.
Really just wanted to share that little nugget regarding Burton's Batman Vs. Nolan's Batman.
Carry on.
10.11.2011
Put Some Wiggle In Your Jiggle. God Damn You.
10.11.11
3:28 pm
I may have forgotten to mention, but I have, officially, finished recording Philip Tucker's The Grind Show.
Last night I edited chapter twenty four of forty one and I plan to edit two every night until I'm through.
Then, once Phil wraps his ears around my mouth gold, he'll get back to me with changes and notes and such, meaning that this huge, amazing hell journey will be over before the end of the year.
Probably way before, but, I'd not like to count my chickens that have yet to hatch.
Because that is dumb.
Speaking of the one called Philip Tucker, a few years ago, when he was a resident of my hallway, him, Ray and I got together to come up with a scary idea for a short film.
It was to be called "CoffinCam" and it was delightfully, twistedly dark and good.
But nothing happened.
Mainly because Ray couldn't find us a graveyard full of subterranean horrors nor an elaborate, hand dug tunnel system in which to film.
But, not all was lost!
About five days ago, Phil sat down and began writing a novella, the fruits of the seeds planted by the three of us all those years ago.
It has been edited by me and is now up on Amazon.com as an eBook.
So buy it.
It's riveting, sick and both original and a tasty homage to H.P. Lovecraft.
And I edited it.
Me.
So, you know all the dots and dots with tails are in the right places.
As I have finished recording, a nightly (more or less) ritual since May of this year, I have rewarded myself by staying up dangerously late and working my way further through Dead Island.
This game...is big, pretty and dragging.
I don't think I'll be finished by Tuesday, when the new Batman game comes out.
The new Batman game, Arkham City...is going to take me away from things for a while.
Yes.
Yes, it will.
But.
But...and this, more than anything I've done over the past sixteen years of our friendship, should prove how much love and respect I have for this swarthy bag of accents and his scribblings...I am planning to try to not even open this amazing new time sink of a Batman game...until I finish editing the rest of The Grind Show.
Once more: planning...to try.
Not planning.
Not trying.
Not even near promising.
Planning...to try.
I'm also going to start copy editing his next novel, the reworked and ready-to-rock Throne, because professional copy editors are nothing more than failed writers with a lot of free time and a very solid grasp on the English language that prey on writers who happen to be too close to their own work to realize that they overuse the word "about".
No offense to any copy editors that I know socially.
You are all magical, lovely, buxom people.
Your freelance cousins are bastards though.
I'm going to be doing this at work, which is perfect for both Phil and I, as he gets free (if not 100% industry standard) copy editing and I get something to do that isn't Sudoku or judging/poisoning the trogs that surround me.
Which keeps me from snapping and bringing this place down some day.
Which is better for everyone, believe me.
I had a dream a few nights ago that I owned a trained chimpanzee.
It was fucking awesome.
And, finally, the third annual Long Ass Hallway-O-Ween Party is in the works.
Be there or don't bother buying flowers, asshole.
If you get my meaning.
...
You don't?
Well...never mind.
Just...just try to show up, okay?
There are going to be Junior Mints.
They're better than York Peppermint Patties.
Their ratio of chocolate to mint is better and their size makes them more portabable and the amount you consume more customizabable.
Hands down.
And that is what people really want from their Halloween candy.
Customization options.
9.30.2011
You know how sometimes people cut themselves?
9.30.11
10:26 pm
You know, for like, release or to know they're alive or just because they're having a really dark day?
Well, I seem to be using Netflix as a razor recently, exposing myself to Police Academy movies as if I'd done something awful.
Okay, the first movie was ALL RIGHT, but this spiral goes fast and DEEP.
I'm two thirds of the way though the fourth entry and...Jesus...I don't know why I'm DOING this to myself...
Chris has been gone for almost ten days...perhaps I've lost my mind...things are spinning...
Anyway.
No plans to watch the fifth or sixth or seventh PA movies.
I'm not actually suicidal.
Today I picked up a package from one Dr. William J. Pomerantz and was delighted to find he'd sent me a Korg Kaoss Pad that he'd been given by some friend at M.I.T.
Oddly enough, he had no use for it (I blame is lackluster college/post college education) and knew that I like things that makes horrible noises, so he sent it along to me.
I spent some time messing with it today and made my Stylophone sound like an eternity in hell.
Methinks I like this Kaoss Pad...
As soon as I find a way to record these horrible noises, I will do so, and things will get better.
In other creative news, I am three chapters (and a tiny epilogue) away from completing my first audio book recording.
One chapter is two thousand one hundred and seventy eight words, the next two thousand three hundred and twenty two words, the penultimate one is a mere one thousand and one words, while the tadure of an epilogue is a scant four hundred and seventy nine words.
But who's counting?
Me.
I am.
I fucking am.
This has been equal parts joy and torture over the past four fucking months.
I want to both jump into the next recording immediately and slash out my own throat with a broken beer bottle with the exact same ferocity.
I fiercely love the actually act of recording Philip's words, fully immersing myself in his world and interacting with his characters, but every other aspect of the process is that, a fucking process.
My computer is just barely able to run ProTools, exploding the CPU usage from its baseline 2% to 50% the instant the program is activated, which results in failed "bounces", major issues with the HW buffer and a whole slew of other shit that is so boring and psychotically annoying to get into.
And then there is my beautiful microphone.
Industry standard, better even than some I've used on auditions and at bookings...so beautiful and so sensitive, like a ballerina...but also like a ballerina in the way it reacts to every fucking sounds within a three block radius.
And that cute phrase, "sound proofing" is a non-option, because it would involve padding every hard surface in my room with foam, and that STILL wouldn't mitigate the walls and floors rumbling when some huge fucking truck barrels by at two in the morning.
Once I am wrapped on The Grind Show, I am going to tweak some knobs and see if I can somehow work this out.
My set up is too awesome not to fully enjoy.
I'll conclude this li'l rant with the following sentiment:
GRIND SHOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
And then there's "Bitter Sweet".
More details on that soon.
Last week I picked up Dead Island.
It's a first person game that takes place on a quarantined tropical island resort.
It's overrun with zombies.
And you must destroy them.
The juxtaposition of shambling, moaning (or sprinting and screaming) zombies and beautiful, white sand beaches with crystal blue water is pretty awesome.
What sold me was that reviewers were calling this game "Fallout 3 with zombies".
If you recall, I put about 152 hours into Fallout 3 and loved most every second (aside from the cataclysmic, game-crashing bugs), and they really didn't have classic zombies, more like irradiated ghouls.
Anyway, having fun.
I'll have more fun once I've finished recording Grind Show.
And even more once I've finished editing it.
And even MORE fun once I've finished cleaning up the edited copy.
Then all you people are going to have to buy a lot of copies, because that is how I get paid.
You got me?
Good.
That's all for now.
Tomorrow I'm having Brunch with Ray then attending Jen Chua's birthday party at B.B. King's.
Then Sunday, my One and Only returns and I can stop all the crying and screaming.
Maybe.
We'll see.
Now.
I need you to do something for me.
I'll tell you later...
End of the Month Music Bitchfest - September
BITCH TACOS!!!!!!
Nine Inch Nails
In June, a teaser for the Fincher remake of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" showed up with a Reznor/Ross version of "The Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin featuring Karen O. of The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs on vocals.A few months after that, a new seven minute piece appeared on www.dragontattoo.com.
About two weeks ago, an almost four minute trailer for the movie showed up at www.mouth-taped-shut.com, a blog seemingly run by an insider who has been posting videos and photos from the set and editing room.
The trailer features more new music and it sounds like the top-notch, Oscar®© winning stuff that Reznor and Ross have been making for a while now.
I'm not going to try to describe it, there's a piano and some static coolness (as in "cool sounding static", not "coolness that stays in one place"), just go there and watch it for yourself if you'd like.
I have a strange inclination that the Dragon Tattoo score is going to be two discs.
Not sure why; perhaps because "The Social Network" score was created in a relatively short period of time whereas Reznor and Ross were working on this music until at least a month ago.
Which would mitigate (to some extent) the lack of anything else from the Reznor/NIN/HTDA camp for the majority of this year.
Aside from this, nothing.
The twelfth anniversary of "The Fragile" has come and gone without a whisper of this deluxe reissue Reznor promised fans more than three years ago.
Also nothing on the How To Destroy Angels album.
I'm really hoping he's not holding off on all this shit until the movie comes out...
That's fucking December, which would blast everything deep into 2012.
Bummer.
As much as I like me some instrumental Reznor music, I think I like the stuff with lyrics in it better.
Also, it seems like quite a fewmillions people are excited about this movie...why is that?
Beck
Mr. Beck done scheduled hisself some concerts in Califor-ni-ay!
Not a tour.Not an album release party.
Some concerts.
Three, to be exact.
And two of them are the Bridge School Benefit.
So get ready for some acoustic bluegrass covers, folks.
He's also contributed a cover of John Martyn's "Stormbringer" to an upcoming tribute album.
I'll download that song illegally (whilst gnashing my teeth) and then continue waiting for Beck to take off his funky Producer's Hat and put on his funky Musician's Hat.
Or, it's like I said and Beck is done recording/releasing his own music forever.
I suppose we'll know more next month.
And by "suppose" I mean "fucking pray".
Because this is getting dusty...
Cake
I think they might just be snarking now, not touring, although they have some dates in the West coming up in a few months.Or something.
Passive Bitch Status initiated.
Eels
Literally, nothing.But again, they have two whole months to make a peep.
Not worried.
Yet.
They Might Be Giants
Still touring, although they found time to shoot a sub-par video for the song Cloisonné.It's blue and Flans' eye pouches make me sad.
One thing that can be said, it's the first TMBG video they've appeared in since Dr. Worm, although sansthe frenetic pacing and dancing.
I think they might be growing up.
NOT A PUN.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I also received my exclusive TMBG Instant Fan Club 7" vinyl in the mail.
I will bring down my record player some time soon and enjoy that.
I'm kind of hoping the songs aren't amazing, because the band is being very clear that these songs are only on vinyl, only for the club members and not to be disseminated.
So, if they're realllll good...I may need a portable record player...
They make those, right?
Portable?
I also ordered yet another new TMBG shirt, this one red on blue and hard to look at.
Should be fun.
It better be for $35 after taxes, shipping and handling.
Fuckers.
In other news:
I believe Marilyn Manson may have confused "announcing the title of his new album" with "releasing his new album".
He did manage to regain enough consciousness to pop up, shoot a horrible video and mumble the title into the Internet like some smelly hedgehog.
Said title, "Born Villain", sounds like there's going to be a lot of lamentation over how people are persecuting him for stuff, although I don't think I've even heard anyone say his name (aside from me and him) in about six years.
No worries though, I'm sure it's going to be great.
And made available for purchase.
Pretty sure.
Garbage was most helpful and painfully straightforward in a recent Facebook post:
"You WILL hear a brand new track from us in October this year.
It WILL be a cover version.
HOWEVER
This track has nothing to do with our new record and WILL NOT be included in our new recordIt is NOT a single
It is NOT a first single.
It is NOT going to BE our first single.
It is simply a song that happens to be a cover version that you will hear in a matter of weeks if you care to
Meanwhile
We continue to work on 24 songs.
12 of which will be mixed and mastered by October
17th.
Those 12 songs will constitute the new LP.
Meanwhile the other 12 songs will also be mixed and mastered by the end of the year and will be
released as B-sides, extra tracks and maybe one might even come your way simply as a Christmas present from garbage as a thank you to you all for sticking around. Who knows? But sooner or later you are going to hear them."
Oh good! October 17th! Just in time for...October 18th...
Can you imagine if all bands were as delightfully, contemptibly clear as this?I can't tell what I love more, the condescension or the transparency!!!
Anyway, while I do enjoy bands that have singles and EP's and stuff on which to put those twelve extra tracks (especially in this age of the loathsome and horrid "digital EP"), I think a double album could have been cool.
Kind of like a "not only are we
back, but we're back with a double album" thing.
Then again, I'm a glutton, so
this is probably better.
this is probably better.
If I were able to consume music at the same rate I have lately been consuming Junior Mints...?
Let's just say the release schedules of the bands I like would make the Beatles' look like Guns 'N' Roses.Garbage actually has some pretty great b-sides; sometimes a bit underdeveloped, but some pretty solid, almost album worthy.
In a recent video entitled "It's Coming Soon" we see Shirley shaking her stuff a bit and hear a really cool, dark ambient wash. It cuts off before the guitars/drums come crashing in, but you can feel their presence...
Very excited.
St. Vincent is on tour (I'm planning on attending her November 3rd Webster Hall show), but still releasing stuff.
Not only did she record a track for the new season of Boardwalk Empire, but Annie Clark put together an instrumental composition for the upcoming yMusic project.
Plus, in a recent NPR appearance, she mentioned that her album with David Byrne is shaping up, but that it won't see the light of day until late next year.
She stated it's electronic in nature and how her and Byrne have been recording and sending snippets back and forth via e-mail.
I gave the new St. Vincent a pretty great review which you can read by clicking on the link at the bottom of this page.
I also reviewed the new Tori Amos album...with which I need to spend more time.
Even after reading the lyrics...this thing is still baffling me. And I totally missed out on both her shows at the Beacon, tickets going faster than tickets to a Tori Amos show.
Not too concerned though, I still think her older stuff is better, although her new album is superambitious and more daring than Doritos.
According to Tweaker's Facebookpage, about half the album is recorded and now they are looking forvocalists.
In fact, if you are soinclined, you can go to this aforementioned page and submit a vote for who you'dlike them to get to sing on said new album.I voted for...well, most of theartists mentioned in this post, actually.
But only because I want them tokeep busy and because their vocals over Tweaker's music would be the fuzzyshiznit.
Sorry.
The Fuzzy Shiznit.
Think that's all.....
Buckle down, study hard, and,maybe, MAYBE...you'll shine like I do.Cavalcade of Links
www.dragontattoo.comReview of Tori Amos' "Night of Hunters"
Tweaker's Facebook page
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)