You know how sometimes people cut themselves?

9.30.11

10:26 pm

You know, for like, release or to know they're alive or just because they're having a really dark day?

Well, I seem to be using Netflix as a razor recently, exposing myself to Police Academy movies as if I'd done something awful.

Okay, the first movie was ALL RIGHT, but this spiral goes fast and DEEP.

I'm two thirds of the way though the fourth entry and...Jesus...I don't know why I'm DOING this to myself...

Chris has been gone for almost ten days...perhaps I've lost my mind...things are spinning...

Anyway.

No plans to watch the fifth or sixth or seventh PA movies.

I'm not actually suicidal.

Today I picked up a package from one Dr. William J. Pomerantz and was delighted to find he'd sent me a Korg Kaoss Pad that he'd been given by some friend at M.I.T.

Oddly enough, he had no use for it (I blame is lackluster college/post college education) and knew that I like things that makes horrible noises, so he sent it along to me.

I spent some time messing with it today and made my Stylophone sound like an eternity in hell.

Methinks I like this Kaoss Pad...

As soon as I find a way to record these horrible noises, I will do so, and things will get better.

In other creative news, I am three chapters (and a tiny epilogue) away from completing my first audio book recording.

One chapter is two thousand one hundred and seventy eight words, the next two thousand three hundred and twenty two words, the penultimate one is a mere one thousand and one words, while the tadure of an epilogue is a scant four hundred and seventy nine words.

But who's counting?

Me.

I am.

I fucking am.

This has been equal parts joy and torture over the past four fucking months.

I want to both jump into the next recording immediately and slash out my own throat with a broken beer bottle with the exact same ferocity.

I fiercely love the actually act of recording Philip's words, fully immersing myself in his world and interacting with his characters, but every other aspect of the process is that, a fucking process.

My computer is just barely able to run ProTools, exploding the CPU usage from its baseline 2% to 50% the instant the program is activated, which results in failed "bounces", major issues with the HW buffer and a whole slew of other shit that is so boring and psychotically annoying to get into.

And then there is my beautiful microphone.

Industry standard, better even than some I've used on auditions and at bookings...so beautiful and so sensitive, like a ballerina...but also like a ballerina in the way it reacts to every fucking sounds within a three block radius.

And that cute phrase, "sound proofing" is a non-option, because it would involve padding every hard surface in my room with foam, and that STILL wouldn't mitigate the walls and floors rumbling when some huge fucking truck barrels by at two in the morning.

Once I am wrapped on The Grind Show, I am going to tweak some knobs and see if I can somehow work this out.

My set up is too awesome not to fully enjoy.

I'll conclude this li'l rant with the following sentiment:

GRIND SHOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

And then there's "Bitter Sweet".

More details on that soon.

Last week I picked up Dead Island.

It's a first person game that takes place on a quarantined tropical island resort.

It's overrun with zombies.

And you must destroy them.

The juxtaposition of shambling, moaning (or sprinting and screaming) zombies and beautiful, white sand beaches with crystal blue water is pretty awesome.

What sold me was that reviewers were calling this game "Fallout 3 with zombies".

If you recall, I put about 152 hours into Fallout 3 and loved most every second (aside from the cataclysmic, game-crashing bugs), and they really didn't have classic zombies, more like irradiated ghouls.

Anyway, having fun.

I'll have more fun once I've finished recording Grind Show.

And even more once I've finished editing it.

And even MORE fun once I've finished cleaning up the edited copy.

Then all you people are going to have to buy a lot of copies, because that is how I get paid.

You got me?

Good.

That's all for now.

Tomorrow I'm having Brunch with Ray then attending Jen Chua's birthday party at B.B. King's.

Then Sunday, my One and Only returns and I can stop all the crying and screaming.

Maybe.

We'll see.

Now.

I need you to do something for me.

I'll tell you later...

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - September

BITCH TACOS!!!!!!

Nine Inch Nails

In June, a teaser for the Fincher remake of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" showed up with a Reznor/Ross version of "The Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin featuring Karen O. of The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs on vocals.
A few months after that, a new seven minute piece appeared on www.dragontattoo.com.
About two weeks ago, an almost four minute trailer for the movie showed up at www.mouth-taped-shut.com, a blog seemingly run by an insider who has been posting videos and photos from the set and editing room.
The trailer features more new music and it sounds like the top-notch, Oscar®© winning stuff that Reznor and Ross have been making for a while now.
I'm not going to try to describe it, there's a piano and some static coolness (as in "cool sounding static", not "coolness that stays in one place"), just go there and watch it for yourself if you'd like.
I have a strange inclination that the Dragon Tattoo score is going to be two discs.
Not sure why; perhaps because "The Social Network" score was created in a relatively short period of time whereas Reznor and Ross were working on this music until at least a month ago.
Which would mitigate (to some extent) the lack of anything else from the Reznor/NIN/HTDA camp for the majority of this year.
Aside from this, nothing.
The twelfth anniversary of "The Fragile" has come and gone without a whisper of this deluxe reissue Reznor promised fans more than three years ago.
Also nothing on the How To Destroy Angels album.
I'm really hoping he's not holding off on all this shit until the movie comes out...
That's fucking December, which would blast everything deep into 2012.
Bummer.
As much as I like me some instrumental Reznor music, I think I like the stuff with lyrics in it better.
Also, it seems like quite a fewmillions people are excited about this movie...why is that?

Beck

Mr. Beck done scheduled hisself some concerts in Califor-ni-ay!

Not a tour.
Not an album release party.
Some concerts.
Three, to be exact.
And two of them are the Bridge School Benefit.
So get ready for some acoustic bluegrass covers, folks.
He's also contributed a cover of John Martyn's "Stormbringer" to an upcoming tribute album.
I'll download that song illegally (whilst gnashing my teeth) and then continue waiting for Beck to take off his funky Producer's Hat and put on his funky Musician's Hat.
Or, it's like I said and Beck is done recording/releasing his own music forever.
I suppose we'll know more next month.
And by "suppose" I mean "fucking pray".
Because this is getting dusty...

Cake

I think they might just be snarking now, not touring, although they have some dates in the West coming up in a few months.
Or something.
Passive Bitch Status initiated.

Eels

Literally, nothing.
But again, they have two whole months to make a peep.
Not worried.
Yet.

They Might Be Giants

Still touring, although they found time to shoot a sub-par video for the song Cloisonné.
It's blue and Flans' eye pouches make me sad.
One thing that can be said, it's the first TMBG video they've appeared in since Dr. Worm, although sansthe frenetic pacing and dancing.
I think they might be growing up.
NOT A PUN.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I also received my exclusive TMBG Instant Fan Club 7" vinyl in the mail.
I will bring down my record player some time soon and enjoy that.
I'm kind of hoping the songs aren't amazing, because the band is being very clear that these songs are only on vinyl, only for the club members and not to be disseminated.
So, if they're realllll good...I may need a portable record player...
They make those, right?
Portable?
I also ordered yet another new TMBG shirt, this one red on blue and hard to look at.
Should be fun.
It better be for $35 after taxes, shipping and handling.
Fuckers.

In other news:

I believe Marilyn Manson may have confused "announcing the title of his new album" with "releasing his new album".

But who can really say where his head's at?
He did manage to regain enough consciousness to pop up, shoot a horrible video and mumble the title into the Internet like some smelly hedgehog.
Said title, "Born Villain", sounds like there's going to be a lot of lamentation over how people are persecuting him for stuff, although I don't think I've even heard anyone say his name (aside from me and him) in about six years.
No worries though, I'm sure it's going to be great.
And made available for purchase.
Pretty sure.

Garbage was most helpful and painfully straightforward in a recent Facebook post:

"You WILL hear a brand new track from us in October this year.

It WILL be a cover version.

HOWEVER

This track has nothing to do with our new record and WILL NOT be included in our new record

It is NOT a single

It is NOT a first single.

It is NOT going to BE our first single.

It is simply a song that happens to be a cover version that you will hear in a matter of weeks if you care to

Meanwhile

We continue to work on 24 songs.

12 of which will be mixed and mastered by October
17th.

Those 12 songs will constitute the new LP.

Meanwhile the other 12 songs will also be mixed and mastered by the end of the year and will be
released as B-sides, extra tracks and maybe one might even come your way simply as a Christmas present from garbage as a thank you to you all for sticking around. Who knows? But sooner or later you are going to hear them."

Oh good! October 17th! Just in time for...October 18th...

Can you imagine if all bands were as delightfully, contemptibly clear as this?
I can't tell what I love more, the condescension or the transparency!!!
Anyway, while I do enjoy bands that have singles and EP's and stuff on which to put those twelve extra tracks (especially in this age of the loathsome and horrid "digital EP"), I think a double album could have been cool.
Kind of like a "not only are we

back, but we're back with a double album" thing.

Then again, I'm a glutton, so
this is probably better.

If I were able to consume music at the same rate I have lately been consuming Junior Mints...?

Let's just say the release schedules of the bands I like would make the Beatles' look like Guns 'N' Roses.
Garbage actually has some pretty great b-sides; sometimes a bit underdeveloped, but some pretty solid, almost album worthy.
In a recent video entitled "It's Coming Soon" we see Shirley shaking her stuff a bit and hear a really cool, dark ambient wash. It cuts off before the guitars/drums come crashing in, but you can feel their presence...

Very excited.

St. Vincent is on tour (I'm planning on attending her November 3rd Webster Hall show), but still releasing stuff.
Not only did she record a track for the new season of Boardwalk Empire, but Annie Clark put together an instrumental composition for the upcoming yMusic project.
Plus, in a recent NPR appearance, she mentioned that her album with David Byrne is shaping up, but that it won't see the light of day until late next year.
She stated it's electronic in nature and how her and Byrne have been recording and sending snippets back and forth via e-mail.
I gave the new St. Vincent a pretty great review which you can read by clicking on the link at the bottom of this page.

I also reviewed the new Tori Amos album...with which I need to spend more time.

Even after reading the lyrics...this thing is still baffling me.                   
And I totally missed out on both her shows at the Beacon, tickets going faster than tickets to a Tori Amos show.
Not too concerned though, I still think her older stuff is better, although her new album is superambitious and more daring than Doritos.

According to Tweaker's Facebookpage, about half the album is recorded and now they are looking forvocalists.

In fact, if you are soinclined, you can go to this aforementioned page and submit a vote for who you'dlike them to get to sing on said new album.
I voted for...well, most of theartists mentioned in this post, actually.
But only because I want them tokeep busy and because their vocals over Tweaker's music would be the fuzzyshiznit.
Sorry.
The Fuzzy Shiznit.

Think that's all.....

Buckle down, study hard, and,maybe, MAYBE...you'll shine like I do.

Cavalcade of Links

www.dragontattoo.com
Review of Tori Amos' "Night of Hunters"

Review of St. Vincent's "Strange Mercy"

Tweaker's Facebook page

A review of Tori Amos' "Night of Hunters"

Of all the artists to choose to do an album like this, while Tori Amos wouldn't be my first choice, she has certainly done it very well.

Night of Hunters would probably have been better realized as a series of short films...or tapestries...or a leather bound collection of gold inlaid etchings.

The first thing Tori said about this massively ambitious project is as follows:

"It's a 21st century song cycle inspired by classical music themes spanning over 400 years.  I have used the structure of a song cycle to tell an ongoing, modern story. The protagonist is a woman who finds herself in the dying embers of a relationship. In the course of one night she goes through an initiation of sorts that leads her to reinvent herself allowing the listener to follow her on a journey to explore complex musical and emotional subject matter.  One of the main themes explored on this album is the hunter and the hunted and how both exist within us."

...what?

Seriously though, I love that, in this sad world of the three-good-songs-per-forty-two-minute album, Tori Amos puts out a seventy plus minute, high concept piece with more than one track over eight minutes in length.

This lady...has got balls...Goddess Balls.

And that is why we loves her.

For the first time since "Under The Pink", Tori recruits some guest vocalists (and, no, I'm not including the schizophrenic cast of "American Doll Posse", which had Tori playing a handful of different women, complete with different social networking pages and wigs/occupations) to help create and explore the vast world of Night of Hunters, namely, her daughter and niece.

The addition of these young women adds such a surprising sense of freshness and life to the songs they're in that it's actually quite shocking to hear them.

Her daughter, Natashya Hawley, appears on only four of the fourteen tracks, but she does so much to shift the dynamic of each song.

Her niece, Kelsey Dobyns, (who, according to the "making of" video for the album is playing the Fire Muse) only shows up on one of the last tracks, but has very much the same effect as Tori's daughter.

Natashya has a wonderfully soulful, husky quality to her voice, but sounds incredibly playful as well, like some little imp.

She provides a perfect juxtaposition to Tori's refined, aristocratic mutant singing.

It's as if the songs they share are rushing rivers with both ancient, polished river stones and ragged little pebbles that keep getting tossed around.

The whole thing is chock full of goddess imagery and references that I will never comprehend as I have a wang (Who are the Seven Lords of Time? Who are the Seven Sisters? Are they related? Is this a Dr. Who reference?).

Then again, I don't really understand a thunderstorm, but I can appreciate its power and beauty.

Sadly, there's a lot less to take from a thunderstorm (artistically) than "Night of Hunters" and I found myself not getting everything that Tori was aiming for.

Probably this is my fault, but, unlike one of my other favorite concept albums, Bowie's "Outside", I knew enough to get what was happening (more or less) and what the songs were about (more or less), whereas with this album, I really had no idea what was going on three quarters of the time.

I feel the album would have been better off, or at least more accessible, with a clear beginning, middle and end.

Musically, this album is completely different from anything Amos has done before; all the instrumentation on Night of Hunters is provided by an octet and Tori's Bosendorfer, allowing her to avoid the recent alarming trend in her music: the dreaded encroachment of the terrible malady of Adult Contemporary "Rock".

This arrangement enables Amos to create something that sounds timeless and epic as opposed to something you'd hear on Lite 106.7.

"The Chase" puts one in the mindset of a chapter from Neil Gaiman's Sandman, with Tori being "hunted" by her daughter and changing forms to escape her, a playful song that reflects dark overtones of the coming of the hunters.

"Battle of Trees", one of the longest songs on the album, has clear-cut movements, starting with a disconcerting theme plucked on a single string and later expanded by the piano, as does "Star Whisperer", which has a dark depth of fear and danger inherent in the music and lyrics.

The darkness on the album is balanced nicely with the wistful, sad smile of "Job's Coffin", sung almost entirely by Natashya, and the whimsical, sweet back and forth between the two of them in "Cactus Practice".

"Carry", the final track, works as both a single and as an album closer, although, musically, if feels less complex than a lot of the rest of the pieces. With its themes of remembrance and loss, it feels a bit like "1,000 Oceans", the closer from 1999's "To Venus and Back".

My favorite moment on the entire album though is the second half of "Edge of the Moon", mainly because it reminds me of older Tori but with the classical instrumentation. To be honest, I would have been happy if the whole album sounded more like it.

I think this could be the start of an interesting phase for Amos' music, perhaps one melding both this classical arrangement and her more typical backing band.

Fingers crossed...

Again, if the album came with those aforementioned leather bound gold inlaid etchings, I might have enjoyed it more, understood and appreciated it more deeply.

But, whether I got it or not, it's lofty and beautiful and smart and brave as hell.

Tori is asking a lot of people with Night of Hunters, and, if they dedicate themselves to this work, I seriously believe that their efforts will pay off.

This Weekend, I Spent $30 On Shrimp

9.13.11

3:49 pm

Big, succulent, ready-to-eat shrimp.

Thirty.

Dollars.

On.

Shrimp.

Little lemon...little cocktail sauce...

Pleasant.

Very pleasant.

I also watched X-Men: First Class with Chris.

Not bad.

They missed out on a great opportunity by:

• Not having good writers for
  the White Queen


• Not having a good actress who
  could deliver good lines as the White Queen

But, they did have:

• January Jones in revealing clothing for the majority of her time on screen

Sadly, I'm not one of those people that associates one's hotness with one's acting ability and her acting remained terrible, despite her impressive cleavage.

There was a pretty funny moment, actually, involving her and the guy that played Boris the Blade from
Snatch.

So, the White Queen (who is a crazy telepath and can make you see whatever she wants you to see) creates a duplicate of herself to seduce Boris.

But, since this is a PG-13 movie (and a soft PG-13 in my opinion) this seduction consists of her straddling him while he sort of moves his hands around her breasts, buttocks and other sexy parts while sort of muttering in Russian.

It was exactly what I think of when I hear the phrase "fooling around".

It's what all the kids that watched Benny Hill probably thought he was attempting to do with all those buxom women in lingerie he was always chasing.

Very weird stuff.

Whatever.

They had an excellent moment with Wolverine though, and the whole thing was always worth it.

Anyway, I also stormed my way through the "Bad" ending of InFamous 2.

Think I'm done with that franchise...or is that franchise done with me???!!!

No.

Other way around.

Last night marked my triumphant return to the world of trying to record an audio book around the early morning traffic outside my window.

So.

Close.

Need a refresher as to how Aschenbrenner sounds...

Maybe a touch Agent Smith...?

Also, a quick update regarding my evil powers.

This idiot at work who ruins my day simply by showing up: her daughter, who just started college, had some horrible gall bladder problem and was rushed to the hospital last week, right after her first few days of college.

The doctors are puzzled as to the cause of the ailment.

Okay, inchoate evil forces that seem to coalesce about me: please, I don't want her children hurt, I just want her to stop talking.

Or, hey, just have her leave the room.

Whatever.

But, whatever, you're the malignant spirits, not me.

You probably know what you're doing.

So...thanks for listening, I suppose.

I just posted my review of the new St. Vincent album, Strange Mercy and you can see it on the Internet web site www.amazon.com.
YOU can read it HERE
If you want to, you know, read an awesome review of a great album, you know.
If not, that's cool.
Fag.
Apparently, of the two people that read it, one found it helpful, while one did not.

That's 50% baby!!!

WOOO!!!

I should become a weather man!!!!

No, no, I shouldn't.

Then I'd hate myself AND be a liar.

Some huge talking dog related news: as of Thursday, September 15th, you will be able to not only hear my vocal work as a talking Bloodhound, but you will be able to INTERACT with me as said talking Bloodhound.

Regrettably, I will NOT be naming nuts (sorry, Will), but I will help you find a tablet computer.
Paul, I can hear you trill, what in the fuck are you talking about?

Well, I will TELL YOU.

A few months ago, I recorded some VO for Zyrtec, the folks that make a pill so you don't sneeze around dogs and one that also gives worms to ex-girlfriends (Will, perhaps you should obtain a few for the Lovely Hoy Hoy?).

They were creating a sort of interactive choose your own adventure video game.

The goal is to locate the buried tablet computer, but you can only do that with the help of one of four dog guides.
At the moment, only one, the pug is available.

But, on September 15th...Paul M. Guyet, the Bloodhound will be there to help you along.

So, head over to www.zyrtec.com/parksunleashed and check me out on Thursday.

And don't worry, I will repost this ad nauseum.

I've obtained the new Tori Amos album, "Night of Hunters", and I'm enjoying it despite every fiber of my being.

More on that later.

And speaking of new music, Chris tuned me in to the new Ladytron, "Gravity the Seducer", which comes out today.

I've only dabbled with the first few tracks, but it seems immediately more accessible and, for them, that's a good thing.

Great tile as well.

You should check out their album teaser video as it's rife with amazing future desert imagery.

In the spirit of Batman, I've been reading every single issue involving Bane for the past week or so, trying to get a fuller picture of this character before Tom Hardy plays him in next years The Dark Knight Rises.

The thought bubbles are getting to be a bit grating.

Hm...could that be all I have to say for now?
Could it?!

Good Lord!

I'm out of things to say!

Look at me, a picture of non-loquaciousness!

Of non-verbosity!!!!!

Fuck!

4:40 pm

Two more things:

One, do you believe that anyone would really have found the ending of that movie Pret a Porter shocking or inspired?

Oh wow, I'm a totally edgy fashion designer and my big reveal: they're all naked, even the hot, pregnant chick.

Especially in France.

And, two, anyone else think that Tori Amos would have been really bummed if she'd had a son?

A review of St. Vincet's "Strange Mercy"

I will freely admit that I hadn't heard of St. Vincent until the Onion's A.V. Club told me that her 2009 album, Actor, was good and that I should listen to it.
Since learning of and thoroughly enjoying that album, I have been eagerly awaiting Annie Clark's latest release, Strange Mercy.

 At first listen, the lead single, "Cruel", struck me as a bit mainstream compared to the majority of the previous album, but after listening to it in the framework of the rest of the album as a whole, I began to understand that this was not the case at all.
Strange Mercy, while less dense and involved than Actor, has a wonderfully experimental quality to a lot of it, with Clark placing herself in situations we have yet to see, which is always exciting and refreshing.
While this album is the most sparse we've seen from her (I don't consider her first album, Marry Me, sparse so much as dull), the choice to not go with typical instrumentation really pays off and creates a unique sound.

 One aspect of St. Vincent's music has not changed on Strange Mercy and that is her guitar which still sounds like it's made of wasps and Stylophones. It has the ability to shock its way through the dreamy vocals and syrupy keyboards and keep the attention of the listener.

The combination of the warm, soporific elements and the bracing, unflinching electricity is compelling.
Add on top of that Clark's malleable and incredibly expressive vocal style which can be as piping and sharp as Bjork (as on the album's trance-inducing opener, "Chloe In The Afternoon") and as smooth and smoky as Fiona Apple (as on the quiet, bitter "Champagne Year").
Her voice allows us to feel the fear during the cacophonic climax of "Northern Lights", which features Clark shrilling repeatedly: "I saw the Northern Lights/Convinced it was the end of time".
"Neutered Fruit" is equal parts lighthearted, meandering stroll through a sunny garden and smoldering unrequited-love ballade ("Did you ever really stare at me/the way that I stared at you?"), again due to the versatility of her vocals.
The title track tells the sad tale of a mother and wife whose husband is in jail, the mood of the lyrics reinforced by some synths pulled straight from a rainy afternoon in the 80's.
The end of "Surgeon" also borrows a bit from the 80's...the funky part of the 80's.

 One of my favorite tracks is "Cheerleader", which stands out with its smug yet confessional verses and angry, declarative chorus; the former is made up of a litany of high school-caliber sins set to the subtle strums of tentative guitars ("I've had good times with some bad guys/I've told whole lies with a half smile") while the latter is accompanied, first by a huge, buzzing drumbeat, then the full voice of both Clark and the rest of the band ("I don't want to be a cheerleader no more/I don't want to be a dirt eater no more").

 The album isn't as epic or cinematic or welcoming as Actor; it takes more effort to completely enjoy, but, for some at least, it'll be worth it.
Personally, I enjoy Actor more than Strange Mercy, but the depth and innovation of the music here will surprise the listener.
'm finding that this album goes right along with the image I've constructed in my mind of Annie Clark/St. Vincent through her music: she's timid, yet forceful, both unsure of herself and overconfident, one quality usually overcompensating for the other. Her music paints her as that one girl you know who is smart, funny, attractive and yet doesn't seem to know it and can never really find happiness because of her second guessing. Hopefully, this is not the case with the real Annie Clark, but, for the purpose of her art, I think the more problems she has, the better and more interesting the journey she brings us on will be.

Marilyn Manson. Shockingly Unshocking.

So that short film that Shia LeBoeuf did for Marilyn Manson is on You Tube, probably for the next twelve minutes due to its ridiculously NSFW nature.
In a nutshell, it's a music video for a new Manson song (which is pretty awful) intercut with Manson reciting Shakespeare while horrible atrocities are performed.
It is hilariously overwrought.

Here are just some of the "shocking" things you'll find in this video:

• Two women having sex in a glass container in front of a child


• Nazis


• Manson shaving the heads of two old, naked and oiled women


• A transvestite in a teddy being groped by an amputee


• A prosthetic eye placed in a woman's vagina


• Manson shooting some guy in the head

Hilarious.
You can view is HERE, if you want but, again, it is VERY NSFW and the Internet itself will probably erase it before You Tube does.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - August

Taste the Lights, taste the Action, taste the Bitch.

Nine Inch Nails
Around the beginning of August, more than five months before its release, the official web site for David Fincher's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was updated with character bios and photos...and a seven minute piece of music composed by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross.
The song appears to be called "dotcom", although this might just be labeled as such because it is, in fact, on the web site.
Featuring a vibraphone, heavy, dark synths and, eventually, some lonely, wailing guitar sounds, it's simple, creepy and very evocative.
Of what we won't know until December 12th.
Probably girls with tattoos of dragons on their backs.
Not nearly as exciting as new Nine Inch Nails or How To Destroy Angels or, you know, something with lyrics, but it's caused quite a stir among fans.
September 21st marks the twelfth anniversary of Nine Inch Nails' double album opus, The Fragile, and, one could hold out hope of some news of the deluxe re-release promised a few years ago.
Or perhaps a discreet link to the whole fucking thing for free.
Or an announcement that he's changed his mind and scrapped the whole project.
Or something else entirely.
Or nothing.
I'm trying to rein in the expectations when it comes to Trent Reznor.
An interesting aside, Reznor just joined Wondros, a creative collective made up of Javier Aguilera and Jesse Dylan (stylish commercial artists), Antoine Fuqua (director of Training Day and also a stylish commercial artist), Mark Pellington (a lot of producing credits, some TV and music video direction, plus an alternate version of the Nine Inch Nails video for "We're In This Together"), Aaron Schneider (cinematographer and director of the recent Bill Murray movie "Get Low") and David O. Russell (director of The Fighter, Three Kings and I Heart Huckabees) .
Some speculate this has to do with the HBO mini-series Year Zero, based on Nine Inch Nails' 2007 album, and that Reznor might be writing or directing part of the series, but, like I said, the first thing you get when you hang expectations on Reznor is disappointed.
Or sometimes amazed.
But usually disappointed.

Beck
Hey everyone!
The new Beck-produced Stephen Malkmus album is out!
It doesn't sound ANYTHING AT ALL like Beck!
Buy it!
ALSO!!!
BIG NEWS!!!
Beck is going to be among those performing at the Serge Gainsbourg tribute at the Hollywood Bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously though.
A few days ago, Beck posted two new Charlotte Gainsbourg tracks from her upcoming EP, "Terrible Angels".
The EP features these two (really, really good) tracks (both produced by Beck and sounding so Beck that the only thing missing is Beck actually singing the vocals) plus some other stuff.
It's coming out September 6th and precedes the double album "Stage Whisper" (coming out November 8th), the first disc consisting of live tracks from Gainsbourg's recent tour and the second disc consisting of unreleased tracks, most from the Beck-produced IRM sessions.
Which is good.
Not as good as a brand new Beck collab with her, but still pretty good.
And the fact that they announced the EP about a week before its release?
Also good.
In addition to this, I just read a huge interview that Pitchfork did with Beck about his last fifteen years.
Two things jumped out at me from this epic, career-spanning chat:
First, that Midnite Vulture was meant to have been a double album and that Beck sort of kind of feels like a re-issue with all the unreleased stuff might be appropriate some time soon.

"There must have been 25 songs that were left behind, and about two thirds of them are finished."

Holy fucking godshit.
Second, that, although the article states that his "robot-dancing days are behind him", Beck is still quite the dancer; avoiding the straightforward question of "what about releasing your new music" with the grace and ease of an epileptic, alcoholic eel wearing banana peel loafers on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
So, what I gather from this is that Beck is done releasing his own music.
Period.

Cake
First let me say this: I do not know why I did the following.
Cake pressed 5000 copies of their most recent album, Showroom of Compassion, on 6, double-sided, multi-colored "7 vinyl records.
And I bought one.
Again, I do NOT know why I did this.
Moving on...

Eels
E and his band of raving-mad guitarists have finished their epic worldwide tour.
During the course of this tour, they sang on stage with Ringo Starr (he's the drummer), locked guitars with Jimmy Page and played at Glastonbury for over 64,000 screaming fans.
All in all a good tour.
What's next?
Knowing E (as much as any fan can know E...), most likely some downtime and then the mention of a new album, probably to be released in Spring 2012.
Hopefully they'll release a recording of this most recent tour as it was pretty amazing, but, if they don't there are quite a few tapers out there with some pretty good copies.
I've decided that that pass I've been issuing to Eels for the past few months expires November 30th, 2011.
As in, if there is NO motion on the Eels front by then...I'll start the bitching, but, based on E's tireless song writing heart, I doubt that will happen.
Sleep tight, E, you have most certainly earned it.

They Might Be Giants
The Fall leg of the Join Us tour continues.
I had a hankering to listen to some professional quality live recordings so I bought some live shows from the 2007 tour supporting The Else.
Good stuff.
I didn't see them nearly enough on that tour.
At the moment, I'm expecting my exclusive Instant Fan Club vinyl EP of NEW NEVER BEFORE HEARD TMBG MUSIC some time before the end of September
As well as another vinyl, my prize t-shirt and another shirt with has a picture of a bird on it.
Good times...
Greatly looking forward to their January show.
They had better pull out all the stops for this one as I will be traveling across the country to see them.
Just a heads up.

Meanwhile, in the land of Not My Top Five Bands, we have had quite a bit of forward momentum.
Well, except for Marilyn Manson.
I think he forgot about his new album.
And his hands.
Or something.
Fucking junkie.
Oh, and P.S. Marilyn: paper white, tattoo-covered Goths with a beer belly and neck wattle are NOT Goths, they are sad.

That was what I was going to say about Manson, but, early Monday morning, a new picture of Manson wearing a funny hat with the words "Born Villain" written on it in "Goth" font popped up on his official site.
No info, just the silly-hat picture.
After some digging (read: one Google search), I found out that "Born Villain" is not the title of his new album, but a short film made by, of all people, Shia LeBeouf*, chronicling the making of his new, as-yet-untitled-but-still-totally-amazing-and-suicide-death-metal-wait-I-mean-punk-glam-rock album.
No news yet as to whether or not Manson has forgotten about the actual album.

Garbage posted that they have three weeks left in the studio before mastering and mixing and all that happens, so we might see the new Garbage album by the end of 2011 or beginning of 2012, if we're lucky and they are true of heart
They are continuously posting pictures and videos with snippets of what's going on.
Nothing anyone can really sink their teeth into, but at least it all sounds like good old Garbage.
Last week they had their first photo shoot in six years.
So...they still have faces and limbs and stuff.
And, just a day or so ago, they posted that they have mixed and mastered a song and that it will be out at the end of September or beginning of October.
And they think it sounds great.
Which I thought was a bit obvious.
I mean...who would write and record and mix and etc a song and then say, "Meh. You want new music from us or not? Shut the fuck up and eat the corn"?

Both Tori Amos and St. Vincent have put out videos from their new album; Tori for the last track on her new album, a song called "Carry".
The video is pretty forgettable and the music...
So, I didn't realize that the label Tori has joined up with for the release of "Night of Hunters"** is America's longest standing or most famous classical music label, Decca Records.
Based on "Carry" and the first track from the album, "Shattering Sea", which you were able to hear if you shared the "Carry" video on Facebook (sorry everyone), the gimmick of this album is Tori, singing and playing her Bösendorfer along with various orchestral arrangements***.
Which doesn't sound great.
Both of the songs have some compelling moments, but nothing to make me think that Tori is about to revolutionize music.
Which is sad.
"Shattering Sea" is a bit more layered than “Carry" and has some really great moments, but it still isn't amazing.
But, unlike some stuff of her last few albums, I don't hate these tracks, plus there are still twelve more to hear, so I'm holding out hope.
Along with the video and song, an EPK for Night of Hunters was released. It showed Tori basically reiterating the theme of the album (which sounds amazing) with some of the new music playing behind it (which sounds less amazing). There was some video of her, her daughter and her niece in costumes, LARPing and having their pictures taken for the album's liner notes and maybe some future music videos.
Sorry to keep repeating myself, but it really does look like this is going to be an excellent concept poorly executed.
Anyway, twelve unheard tracks, holding out hope, etc.

St. Vincent, on the 25th, released her video for the song "Cruel" (which appears to be the first single).
The video was directed by the guy behind both the "Marrow" and "Actor Out of Work" videos from her latest and, up to this point, greatest album, "Actor".
The video is dark and funny, but the song...not so much.
I must say I enjoyed "Surgeon", the first track Clarke released from her upcoming album "Strange Mercy" more than this new one.
"Cruel" seems to drag a bit.
But the important thing is that it exists and that both the new Tori and the new St. Vincent will be out by the end of next month (the 13th for St. Vincent and the 20th for Tori Amos).
I've decided not to buy tickets to St. Vincent at Webster Hall in November until I hear the new album.
My heart has been broken before...

Okay, no more complaining for a month.
Enjoy the silence, fuckers.

Cavalcade of Links
Hear the mysterious new track from Reznor and Ross here: www.dragontattoo.com
Hear the two, new Beck-produced Charlotte Gainsbourg tracks here: www.beck.com
Hear and see all the above mentioned Tori Amos stuff here: www.toriamos.com
Ditto the St. Vincent stuff here: www.ilovestvincent.com
See Manson's silly hat here: www.marilynmanson.com

* What?
** NOT Night of the Huntress as I was mislead to believe.
*** An octet, as it turns out.

SUCKA PUNCH!!!!!!!!!

8.30.11
10:25 pm

Had an excellent hurricane with Christina.
They need to shut the world down more often so I can spend some quality time with my One and Only.

Media Consumption Round Up!!!

After ignoring its existence for months, I finally opened up InFamous 2 and gave it a spin.
Not all that surprising, it's a lot like InFamous 1, but with...uh...more...InFamous 1.

Chris and have watched the second of the three Girl movies, The Girl Who Played With Fire.
Dark and Swedish.
Like the book but with less research.

Watched Sucker Punch because I heard it was massive HD eye candy.
Turns out it was.
I kept expecting someone to just turn towards the camera , throw up the Metal Horns and yell, "Sucka Punch!!!!!".
There was this great moment when Jon Hamm (?!) has this wonderful look of confusion on his face.
Of course it's because of something his character was confused about, but I thought, just for one tiny second that he was about to look right into the camera and say, not "Sucka Punch!!!!!!!" but "I'm in Mad Men, what the fuck am I doing here?!"
But he didn't.
My loss.
Back to my point:
I keep hearing people complain that there was no plot.
.Well...yeah, it's Zack Snyder.
I thought we all had an agreement that if Zack Snyder is to be allowed to direct things, someone has to write an amazing script.
Like Watchmen.
That was a good Zack Snyder movie because he didn't have to write anything.
Sucker Punch was...well, it was just too obviously teenage masturbatory material for me to get anything out of it.
Seriously, teens, the Internet has, literally, thousands of hours of free, high def porn just waiting for your sticky little fingers.
You can probably even find an Emily Browning look-a-like if you searched long enough.
I'm glad that, after such a waste of time like Sucker Punch, that she is doing a serious movie like Sleeping Beauty with a script and all that.
I hope this doesn't just turn out to be mindless titillation as well.

I've also reached the last episode of the first season of Breaking Bad which I jumped into because I've heard enough good stuff about it to tickle my pickle.
My Television Pickle.
I'm enjoying it, even though it drags occasionally.
It's pretty amazing to see Bryan Cranston play this role after watching Malcolm In The Middle for so many years.
This guy is hardcore.
I've watched the first...season or two of Weeds and I have to say that Breaking Bad wins.
Mainly because the stakes are so much higher; growing marijuana can't cause you to explode.
I know the fourth season just started and it'll be interesting to see how they keep this going.
I'm hoping they don't pull a Dexter where they almost totally reveal everything at the end of each season but never quite do, ostensibly resetting everything back to one for each new season.
We'll see...

Sadly, a Great Sickness has descended upon me, rendering my voice moot for the continued recording of The Grind Show.
Which blows.
I am so fucking close...
The book is three quarters recorded and half edited, not counting the tweaks ordered from the God King, Tucker, the Maker of the Word Who Must Be Lauded Above All.
I'm honestly astounded that I made it this far without getting sick.
Well...we'll see who is boss.
Soon...nothing will stop me...

I am going to go pee pee and go home.
And I'm taking my gondola with me.
SUCKA PUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shut The Fuck Up About The Earthquake

8.23.11

3:17 pm

Sweet merciful fucking Jesus with a hard on.

I've been here seventeen fucking minutes and everyone is talking about this fucking thing.

IT'S STOPPED.

THE EARTH HAS STOPPED MOVING.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

It lasted, what, 45 seconds?

I've had orgasms that last longer and you don't hear me screaming about it.

Usually.

I think I might have to move to California, if only to avoid anymore of this Chicken Little bullshit.

I feel as if acting awe-struck by a 5.9 in L.A. would get you slapped.

"My car was shaking! My car was shaking!"

"You have to stay inside or the ground will SWALLOW YOU UP!!!"

"I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!"

How are these people going to react in sixteen months when the fucking Ice Giants and Fire Beasts start getting down, Ragnarok style?

Badly, I'll wager..

Very badly.

In other news, chapter twenty eight is recorded.

Not as brutal as twenty seven, but still quiet annoying.

I have a funny feeling that the traffic in my neighborhood from 2 am to 4 am is somehow getting worse...

Why that is, I have no idea.

Do you have any enemies that are writers, Phil?

Enemies that have control over the traffic patterns of Long Island City from 2 am to 4am, maybe?

If so, can you please take care of this?

I mean, it's your book after all.

All right.

It's time to go to work.

10:40 pm

I've just started reading Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy.

I'm about a third of the way through the first book and, compared to Larsson's Girl trilogy, there are a lot less library scenes, a lot less rape and I can't recall wanting to see a sixteen year old girl kill people more than I want Katniss to do so.

SUCH a likable character...
Thus far, the book is feeling half The Running Man and half The Long Walk, so obviously, Collins is a King fan.

Which suits me just fine.

Oh, good, the next shift is here and they're talking about the earthquake...

Choose To Diffuse

8.22.11

8:41 pm

 I had a random thought earlier today.

What's up with the "gangsta lean"?

Are you pretending to be sleepy?

Or maybe that one of your legs is shorter than the other?

How is that "gangsta"?

"Hey, wow, your left leg is shorter than your right! That's gangsta!"

"I bet you have to buy custom-made shoes and pants! That's also gangsta!"

"You're walking like you're on a boat! That's pirate gangsta*!!!"

*sigh*

God I'm jealous.

Anyway, my Saturday was awesome. Unparalleled.

Chris and I went to Playland in Rye, New York and the only thing that made it less perfect was my own destructive body mathematics (Icee + Gravitron + backward-upside down flippy ride = gastrointestinal fucktown).
It was like Fermat's Last Theorem, but all the variables were replaced with me being a fucking idiot.

However, this place is awesome.

I used to go there with my summer camp when I was a wee tyke and haven't been since then until Saturday.

While they had changed and updated a few things (sorely missed were the Red Baron- which made you feel as if you could easily end your like and the life of others with but a flick of your wrist... the Spider- haven't found anything like it ever, the original, spooky Olde Mill- where a kid lost his hand. For real. It's in the newspaper, the acres of video games and whatever that thing was that spun you around in the strobe light-laden dark and blared Guns 'N' Roses music), the important ones were there, namely the Zombie Castle, the Flying Witch, the Derby Racers (where I actually almost died) and the motherfucking Dragon Coaster.

Also, Chris and I got Carousel Married!

And, probably the most amazing aspect of the day...the whole thing, including all the rides AND transportation to Rye via a train from Grand Central Station: $36.50 each.

Boom.

Duckman.

We plan to weave Playland into some aspect of our marriage celebration.

And most of you will be invited.

Saturday evening we watched Cedar Rapids which was less funny than I was lead to believe, but still a lot of fun and then I learned never to try and record ANYTHING with my wonderful and super professional home studio shit.

Ever.

EVER.

NO NO NO.

I'll spare you the knuckle-busting details, but, yeah, anus hell.

Sunday, the two of us drifted around the apartment like constipated ghosts.

Eventually, Christina decided to finally string our Warlock, only to find out it's awful and harder than it should be to do so.

We rocked out like kids for a few then decided to count the day as a wash.

Once that happened, we had a great time playing Wipeout HD (superfuturistic racing game with my excellent custom soundtrack of Aphex Twin, Nine Inch Nails club remixes and others of that ilk).

We then ate some bad ass burgers and watched the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo movie.

I'm actually pretty angry at the people that made this movie because they don't do the weeks-long scenes of quiet and mostly fruitless research justice.

Then again, why the fuck would I want to watch that?

Reading it was like eating chalk.

But...I don't know...I guess I want those that took the easy way out (oh, I'll just wait for the movie) to feel some of the pain that I did.

I'll hopefully watch the next two movies with Chris this weekend.

Sadly, the actress that played the lead character, Lisbeth Salander, looked a bit like Marilyn Manson.

Which was awful.

After watching that and tucking Chris in, some stupid part of me demanded that I watch Revenge Of The Nerds.

I acquiesced with almost no resistance.

Some realizations/questions based on/raised by this movie:

• Why didn't these "nerds" go to some Ivy League school?


• "Gay" and "nerd" are, apparently, synonymous.


• As are "Japanese" and "pothead"**.


• Alan looks like Booger.


• That one nerd, Louis, ostensibly raped the snooty cheerleader, Betty, but, because he was good at sex, she was totally fine with it.


• John Goodman was always fat.


• 80's boobs are great.


• Blunts were (at least in Hollywood-made college movies) called "wonderjoints".


• The super-myopic redhead violinist (Poindexter, of course) who screamed when he got an erection was fucking hilarious.


• Calling a vagina a "hair pie" is really gross.

And those are all the life lessons I can recall at the moment.

Meanwhile, twenty seven of forty one chapters of Philip W.F. Tucker's The Grind Show have been recorded.

Seventeen have been edited and I have just received notes on the first thirteen.

Edits should mostly be quick and painless.

As long as audible.com doesn't fuck us, this thing is going to get a Q4 2011 release date.

Perhaps Holiday?

Still going strong except for the recent nightmare.

Planning on jumping into chapter twenty eight this evening.

Looks like Moses made it out okay after all...or did he????

No, he didn't.

One problem, I guess, is that they just let him in.
I mean, I understand that demons are all swooping around outside, but, haven't these guys ever seen a horror movie?

Hellllllo!

Skinwalker!

It's just like when Alan and I were watching Neverwhere and this chick who is TOTALLY A VAMPIRE comes up and starts acting all stereotypically vampirey around this guy and we're both saying that this kid has obviously never seen a vampire movie, read a vampire book or ever heard of a vampire ever.

It's ridiculous.

It's just like the old standard of "Okay guys, here we are at the entrance to the labyrinthine, subterranean lair of the Horrid Void Beast. My cell has no reception and these flashlights are already flickering. You got matches? Me nether, let's fucking do this."

Crunch.

Stab.

Die.

Credits.

Not nearly as bad as all that though.

In fact, one of the reasons I enjoy Phil's writing so much is that he's aware of these tropes and, what's more, understands that his readers are aware of these tropes and therefore makes his characters aware of these tropes as well.

So you don't have some guy blindly stumbling into the aforementioned lair of the Horrid Void Beast with nothing but lint and stony resolve as weapons.

Which is good.

Some sad news now...

Not only is my commute home extended twenty to thirty minutes for another ten fucking days (fuck you in your fucking eye, MTA), but the most cankerous of natterbags, who was absent allll last week from work, is back like herpes.

Just like herpes.

Herpes that caws and giggles and crows and never shuts the fuck up ever.

Remember those stupid ass key chains things you got as a kid?

They had like four or five colored buttons on them and each one made a different noise, like a person talking or a sound effect?

This person is like a bigger, louder version of one of those.

Here's what she says, at least fifty times an hour:

O...M...G... (in the most serious and scandalized of tones, so that everyone in the room knows that something, something shocking has happened to make her say this)

Yukading (appears to be an elision of "you are kidding", spoken rapidly in the same tone and in clusters of no less than five)

OOOOOOOOOH-KAAAAAAAAY (meant to express both disbelief and disinterest, the first syllable is typically higher than the second, with the end of the second rapidly declining in pitch, but not always)

mm-hm (an expression of understanding, uttered in groups of three or five, no more or less, in a period of less than a second)

yuhloyng/stoployng (another elision, "you are lying" and "stop lying", delivered in a tone that seems to suggest that she doesn't actually want whoever is "loyng" to stop)

That, people, sums up, not just what this woman sounds like...but who she is.

This woman can be summed up by a talking keychain.

And she has offspring.

Kind of makes me want to get sterilized.

Or drown the earth in screaming blood.

Whichever.

Finished the Hodgman book this evening.

It remained hit or miss right through the end and I don't think I'll be actively pursuing the latter two books he's written.

Unless I can trade my They-Might-Be-Giants-video-contest-prize pizza for an inscribed copy of his new one.

You know, for funsies.

Also, "funsies" or "funzies"?

Hm.

This day has been interminable long.

I'm thinking that's equal parts because of this wretched soul boil sitting mere feet from me and increasing the noise pollution by decimals and the fact that I feel a bit sick.

I hope I can nip this sick in the bud as I'm fourteen recording sessions from being done with Grind Show.

I've somehow managed to not get sick since this recording started in May.

Fucking May.

That is not only sickening and ridiculous, it's unprofessional.

And, if you know me, if you know me at all...you will know that I am a consummate professional.

With racist tendencies.

Good night.

* Which is exponentially more
"gangsta" that regular "gangsta". Ex. Po. Nen. Tial. Ly.

** Synonymous with "nerd", not
each other.