So Much Stuff

Fucking hell.

Okay...in no particular order...

Chris and I finally finished rewatching Firefly and we're both still confused and angry that there is nothing else*.
After the last episode rolled credits, Netflix suggested that I watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog...something I had never seen before**.
Yes, it was great and yes, it was what everyone in the world has already said before, but, what I took away from DHSAB was that, even in a forty-two minute web series with, ostensibly, three characters, Joss Whedon still killed off the most likable character.
And that is pure, fucking hilarity.

This is one of the reasons I enjoyed The Cabin In The Woods so much (aside form the fact that it was 100% amazing), it was a chance for Whedon to get as dark as he wanted to get; no PG-13 or TV Standards and Practices holding him back: a nice, sanguine R.
Don't get me wrong, there are pitch black elements to a lot of Whedon's stuff, which is one of the reasons he's so sought after and lauded, but, imagine a villain like Jubal Early in the next Avengers movie..
Chills.

After those forty two minutes were up and they STILL had not uncancelled Firefly, Netflix suggested something called The Guild, simply because Felicia Day (who I'd never seen before Dr. Blog) was in it. Over the next few days, I proceeded to watch all that, which was mostly great. And then I found out that Will Wheaton (who I'd also never seen before) was a TMBG Super President (shhhh...) like me, at which point I mentioned that fact on Twitter and, to my surprise and delight, got a response from the Wheat Man himself.
Occasionally, I enjoy the Internet.

After the fifth season of The Guild...well, that's where I am now as far as solo TV, although Lisa and Jen and fucking everyone in the world is telling me to watch Community, so I just may do that.

As for the sport of Tandem Television Watching, Chris and I finally started up the fifth season of True Blood, which is exactly what one would expect from the fifth season of True Blood...thus far... I'll say it's kind of heartbreaking to watch the writers desperately trying to get the viewers to give a shit about Terry SO HARD that they have now introduced ifrits to the show.
Whatever.
Flame on.

Chris also bumped a lot of good female comedies (written by and directed by, usually) to the top of our queue and we took in Bridesmaids again which, mostly, held up, and Friends With Kids, which was like an alternate universe version of Bridesmaids because it starred the entire cast of Bridesmaids pretty much, plus Scott Adams and Jon Hamm's wife. I had a few issues with this one: specifically the fact that Scott Adams' character is so smart in it, but he doesn't realize that this chick he's been best friends with for almost two decades has a thing for him. "Help! My emotions are stupid!!!"
Other than that, Jon Hamm continues to amaze me, Maya Rudolph looks like a gargoyle and Chris O'Dowd needs to be in a lot more American stuff. Maybe as Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's brother...?

And then there's Resident Evil 6...

Over this past weekend, I had Lisa and Jen for a sleepover, during which I recorded my first podcast (more on that later), ate more meat than a doctor would agree is healthy for me and played (some of) the fuck out of Resident Evil 6.
Lisa was my navigator/backseat snoozer and Jen was my co-op partner for Jake's first two chapters and Leon's first three chapters; basically about one quarter or so of the game.
Something positive about all these shitty reviews the game has been getting: it really lowers one's expectations and makes the game better.
That, plus I don't think a lot of these reviewers are really correct about a lot of the shit they're slinging.
Yes, the trial and error QTE's and insta-kill areas get frustrating, very much so, but other than that, we enjoyed ourselves quite a bit.
Some of these complaints..."this isn't the same Resident Evil as it was in 1998...", "your characters feel too powerful" and "they put too much stuff in/made the game too big" seem...what's the right word...fucky. These complaints seem fucky.
I look forward to having another sleepover (maybe with more people because I FUCKING LOVE SLEEPOVERS (even though, at one point, my bottom touched the freezer door at the supermarket and my bottom got cold)!!!

Now, for those of you who remember the beginning of that last paragraph, you'll recall that I mentioned my podcast. This is NOT to be confused with my second appearance on the epic, 2.5-billion-listener-strong digital opus that is Bookend Tiger Radio which I recorded last Wednesday, no. I've had an idea kicking around in the back of my head for a while, and I figured that having Lisa and Jen over for a huge amount of time would be a great impetus to upgrade it from idea to reality.
And I did so thusly.
The...episode?...had a nice bookendy quality, seeing as I was talking with my oldest friend and my newest friend.
The idea is pretty straightforward; some basic intro stuff, then a set of questions for the guest(s), then some conversation starters, some guest-specific questions, then the guest(s) has to pick a word that I invented and define it.
We recorded for 94 minutes total and I can probably cut that down to...slightly less than 94 minutes as I honestly believe it was interesting and enjoyable the whole way through and will be enjoyed by others.
Maybe.
One can never fucking tell with the Internet, can they.
No.
But Lisa and Jen did an excellent job with what some might have thought of as an awkward situation.
I have a pretty extensive list of friends I'm planning on interviewing, so if I call you at some point...don't answer your phone unless you'd like to be asked to come on my podcast.
My reasoning behind this whole thing is that, after thirty or so years, I have quite a collection of cool and interesting friends with their own cool and interesting stories/experiences/lives, so why not get to talk with them and get to know them/get random people to know them better?
Although I really have no clue who my audience is or will be...maybe if I interview all my friends, then all my friends will listen, and that's, like, forty people listening!
WOO! INTERNET MONEY!!!***
I'm going to do it up right, with production value and transitional music and all that.
I mean, I have that superdope mic set up and since someone hasn't written any more books for me to narrate...well, I might as well use it for something, yes?
Waste not, haste not, yes?

And, speaking of creative things...while we are still a few days of shooting away from wrapping on my very first web series, Unker & Physia, we are premiering the project on Wednesday the 24th of October at a place in downtown New York City call AI.
Or AI New York City.
You know? Here's the link, go have a look and, if you're around and interested, maybe join us.
Also, "like" the Facebook page, follow us on Twitter (@UnkerAndPhysia) and kiss us if you see us on the streets.
Thanks.

The other web series I'm going to be working on (conceived by Becca Kopec and written by Mary Beth Walsh and Alan Kistler)...some time...which might or might not be titled "My Super(?) Life" or "Superhero(ish)" or something along those lines, shoots on Octobr 30th. The plan is to shoot a pilot and put it up on Kickstarter to raise some funds to shoot the whole series. The writing is snappy as hell and steeped in great female characters and pop/geek culture "out the butthole", as they say in the biz.
I play the Trenchcoat Man.
He wears a trench coat.
Or maybe he doesn't, depending on costume availability and script changes.

Then, there is my upcoming (later this week or perhaps this weekend) reappearance on the most popular and erotic podcast on this here Internet, Bookend Tiger Radio. Since Andy O. was in NYC for the week, we recorded at my studio (digressive_obscenity) and linked Danny D. into my M-Box via a gnarl of cords. The results...well, let's just say that long time BTR listeners will be STUNNED at the quality.
The audio quality at any rate, as there is no discussion of either of the Human Centipede films.
Why even bother listening, right?

THEN, there s Electromagnetic Radio, which is, for lack of a less 1920's term, a radio play. I was hooked up with the director, David, through Becca and auditioned for a few characters last weekend. Turns out he liked my stuff**** and wants to record some stuff at the end of October/beginning of November! Hopefully my schedule will allow for that, because it looks like a fun project, and one where I'll get to talk all different!!
Which I enjoy.

Suddenly, BAM, back to media...the new Bond theme was released a few days ago and, well, although it's super classic, I don't love it. Adele's voice works just fine, but the music doesn't have that "grab you by your balls and make you watch the new Bond movie while somone is grabbing your balls" feel that "You Know My Name" and "Another Way To Die" do.
But perhaps that has something to do with the tone of the film...the first line of "Skyfall" is, after all, "this is the end". And, speaking of "the end", in honor of how fucking excited I am to see the new Bond movie and the fiftieth birthday of James Bond, I am going to wrap up my Bond movie reviews.
You may***** remember the first run I did some years back, but I'm pretty proud of them and only stopped because I had written either one or two more and lost the goddamn paper on which they were written.
Fuck paper though, becaudse now I own a fucking iPad.
I'M SAVIN' MY SHIT TO THE CLOUD, BITCHES!
Below, please find a list of the first batch of Bond movie reviews and the links to the aforementioned Bond movie reviews.
Thanks you.
Thanks you lot.

"From Russia With No"

"Thunderfinger"

"On Her Majesty Only Twice"

"Live And Let Diamonds"

"The Spy Who Loved Gun"

"For Your Moonraker Only"

"An Octopussy To A Kill"

Coming soon:

The Living Kill

Tomorrow Never Eye

The World Is Not Die

Quantum Casino

Two last bits: watched the first half of the last season of Breaking Bad and...my soul hurts.
And, with all the talk of Borderlans 2 being great, I finally got around to popping in my pre-owned copy of Borderlands I bought and never played over a year ago.
I played for several hours and decided that it's like Fallout 3 but without the talented voice work and interesting, engrossing story.
Not planning on playing anymore of this.

There might be more, but I'ma let you finish.














* I'm not counting the movie, not because it wasn't good but because IT'S MY BODY, HOLLYWOOD, MINE.

** Or, to be more precise, I'd seen the first minute, during which NPH does his evil laugh then comments on it and then I decided I wasn't in the mood.

*** Which is not a thing.

**** My butt.

*****Read: don't.

Aeon Reflux

This title is so fucking clever and apt that...I...aw, FUCK, just you wait....

*breathe*

Let us begin...

Tried to go to bed early on Friday, failed.
Woke at 8:30 to shower and head to the most south and east corner of Manhattan for another day of shooting Unker & Physia with Jess and Phil and Kris and Chris and Andrea and Minna and Veronica and other people with names.
Despite a bunch of hitches, it went pretty well and we finished shooting an entire episode.
Anyone who happens to be Will Pomerantz will recognize my costume...much thanks for your gift of silk, Mr. Basa.
Tasty taste.

Then I got lost looking for a subway and accidentally wandered through some sort of Little Italy fair day or something. It was...brutish...
After some time I found myself next to the Noho Star and quickly boarded the 6.
Once I got home, I decided that I wanted to eat ribs and watch the rest of Aeon Flux (which I'd started the night before), which, if you are unfamiliar...just...don't, don't, okay?
Track down the episode called "Chronophasia" and, if you dig it, call me and, if not, just...just don't, okay? Just don't.
I can't really think of any voice actors utterly owning and defining their characters more than Denise Poirier as Aeon and John Lee as Trevor Goodchild, they really knock it out of the park.
It was especially challenging for them as these two characters had never spoken once (well, Aeon said "Plop." in the short "Leisure", but, since when does "plop" count? Stop thinking about it...) and yet already had such strong personalities thanks to Peter Chung's artistry.
And, speaking of Peter Chung (the creator of Aeon Flux), there was a little documentary about Aeon Flux in which he states that the idea for Aeon Flux, who and what she was, how she moved and all that, came from his frustration from working on Rugrats.
Yeah.
The guy who created Aeon Flux played a huge role on Rugrats.
He said he was getting tired of these clumsy characters that couldn't really do anything, and so he created this dominatrix assassin ninja badass...the complete opposite of a baby.
And then he decided that she would die at the end of every episode.
Way to fight the babies, Chung.

Anyway, ribs.
Thankfully, a new smokehouse just opened down the god damn street from me (John Brown's Smokehouse) and I was in luck.
I ordered $30 worth of ribs and put them all on, then in, my face, as is the proper fashion.

After finishing the ribs, the Aeon Flux series and all the Aeon Flux shorts (I'd forgotten how awesome, beautiful and hilariously over-the-top these things were when it came to the violence and sexual content, the completely random sexual content), I remembered that, on the Aeon Flux DVD, there was a little collection of bits from Liquid Television.
Liquid Television was...it was one of the reasons people used to love MTV; it was the stuff they did that wasn't music videos that actually worked on a channel called "Music Television".
Liquid TV and The State and The Maxx and The Head, all these things were so...fresh...and NEW, it's just crushing to see what's become of this once great experiment in culture.
I miss it so.
Anyway, after experiencing all that good, I decided to watch the Aeon Flux movie...which I remembered as being bad, but, hey, I AM AN IDIOT.

Some notes:

No, you know what?
One note: this was a movie about something else entirely, and MTV just used the names and locations from Aeon Flux.
Boom.
They also mispronounced Bregna (BREN-ya) as BREG-na, the awful fucks.
And they fucked up the character's backgrounds, motivations and fucking everything else.
Like I said: they must have had some shitty sci-fi script ready to go, then decided to cash in on all the good faith and credibility that Japhet Asher and Peter Chung had garnered from this amazing, singular creation and waste it on this piece of shit.
After about a half hour, I gave in to how exhausted I was and went to bed at 3-ish.

After four magic hours of sleep, I awoke to find the $30 worth of ribs trying to flee my body by any means necessary.
I'll be honest...I spent a tense twenty minutes or so wandering, naked, around my empty apartment (Chris had gone to New Paltz for the weekend, leaving me alone to DIE), murmuring to my stomach, slowly petting it downward in order to encourage peristalsis and discourage reverse peristalsis and convince the food to go in the direction that Jesus the Christ intended and not the other way, and, after setting my pillows at a 90 degree angle, I slept on, not dying.

Honestly, I'm not sure if it was the ribs that did this or something else, but, believe you me, I'm only going to try their food like four more times.
I'M A BLOCK AWAY FROM A POTENTIAL PULLED PORK SANDWICH PIPELINE, YOU'RE FUCKING-A I'M GOING TO TRY THEM AGAIN.

I woke later that day and...hm...forgot what I did the rest of the day it seems...maybe played Samurai Shodown in the original Japanese...?...then Chris came home and we watched The Cabin In The Woods, which, somehow, I had not had spoiled for me.
And, you guys?
Holy shit.
I'm just going to leave it at that because there's nothing I can say about this movie that will make it any better.
Just go and watch it.
Watch and love it.
It really is like nothing you've seen before.

After all this madness was done, I finished the first season of Homeland and saw some of the best acting Claire Danes has ever done.
Her manic episodes are so beautifully and tragically acted...aw man.
Do Emmys still matter?
If they do, give one to her.

Then, there was sleep.
But not, it seems, enough.
Then, before work today, I made a little thank you for the Sex Geniuses that run Bookend Tiger Radio, as they are having ME as their guest on this week's episode!!!
I am ecstatic and nervous, not at the quality of my performance, I always deliver the goods, it's what I do, but more because I'm going to try recording the whole thing on ProTools from my end so Andy can just drop in my side of the conversation sourced from my sexy mouth talking stick.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for Buttered Sex Honey.*
I'm confident that my appearance on this podcast will result in my instant and meteoric rise to stardom, nationally, internationally and, thanks to the satellite technology utilized by Dan and Andy, galactically.
So, be ready.

This sudden rush to film the majority of Unker & Physia has left me feeling a bit...frayed, but, whatever happens, it's done by November first, so it's my job as a professional actor to do what I can to make it the best goddamn web series you won't watch because, while it's so easy to click "like" on Facebook, how many of you have actually bought my fucking audio book?
Don't apologize to me, apologize to Phil!
I only read it, he created it!
Fuck.

Anyway, you can purchase Philip Tucker's The Grind Show audio book on Amazon right now!!!
It's eight hours of your superimportantbusy time spent listening to a silken-voiced god-king (me) telling you about love, loss and demons.

Also, the Speakaboos story, the Tortoise and the Hare has been uploaded! I'm the Fox (doing a passable Paul Lynde) and the Bear (just kind of sweet and dumb)!
Go to www.speakaboos.com, where you will be greeted by a friendly dragon (voiced by me) and then click on the story, then "Read It Myself".
Click on the Fox and Bear and BOOM, I'm in your ears!
I'm also Humpty Dumpty (the egg, not the leader of Digital Underground), the narrator of The Boy Who Cried Wolf and either Turkey Lurky or Cocky Locky in Chicken Little, I honestly cannot remember which.
There will be a lot more soon...

Hm...all right, it's 10:16. Now I'm going to sit and ponder nothingness in preparation for the coming void.

Nam myoho renge kyo.
Hai!

*BWOOOOONG*








* This is in reference to the quality of my voice and not the funk octet from the early 1970's. Again, the funk octet from the early 1970's, Buttered Sex Honey will NOT be performing on this week's Bookend Tiger Radio podcast.